Wives Not Sisters
A playful, unfiltered podcast where a married wlw couple dives into the chaos of modern relationships, pop culture, queer lore, and all the little things most people wouldn’t admit out loud.
Wives Not Sisters is a queer-led podcast where marriage meets humor, honesty, and a little too much sharing but in the best way. We’re here to normalize nuance in relationships -- from romantic, platonic, familial, and everything in between- and to create a space where deep conversations and dumb jokes can coexist. Through real talk, playful debates, and just enough oversharing, we’re building a community that’s reflective, ridiculous, and radically relatable.
Wives Not Sisters
Two Wives, One Wallet: Love, Finances and Your Money Confessions
If you’ve ever argued about groceries, avoided showing your partner your skincare receipts, or wondered how to merge finances without losing your mind, this one’s for you! From $300 facials to $3,000 handbags, Venmo-requesting girlfriends, U-Haul financial disasters, queer throuple budgeting, and how not to commit tax fraud as a married couple — this episode has answers to the questions YOU submitted about managing money.
01:35 – Splurge or Save: Dyson dryers, facials & quiet luxury
05:26 – $3,000 handbags & the lost purse saga
08:30 – Gear talk, e-bikes & used surfboards
10:23 – Listener Q&A: Power dynamics & “my treat” vacations
16:55 – Merging finances without losing your identity
23:04 – Allowances, budgets & guilt-free spending
31:16 – Queer throuple money management
36:12 – Financial secrets & student loan surprises
41:46 – Investing, retirement, & balancing present vs future
45:01 – Gift giving gone wrong: The $1200 suit
49:03 – U-Hauling & the IKEA spending spiral
51:31 – Eloping, wedding budgets & cake regrets
57:54 – Who’s the problem? (Hint: taxes.)
01:01:00 – Closing & community love
#LGBTQPodcast #QueerCouples #LesbianPodcast #MoneyTalks #RelationshipAdvice #WivesNotSisters #BudgetingTips #CouplesFinance #QueerLove #PodcastEpisode
Connect with us on social media: IG: @wivesnotsisterspod | TikTok: @wivesnotsisterspod | Youtube: @wivesnotsisterspod
Follow our hosts on Instagram: @kaylalanielsen @alix_tucker
You can also watch our episodes on Youtube at youtube.com/@wivesnotsisterspod!
Hey guys, it's Alix and Kayla. And we're married. Not related.
Speaker 2:Definitely codependent. But in a cute way. And we're so excited to be back.
Speaker 1:We're so happy every time I get that right.
Speaker 2:We're here, we're queer, our dog looks like a baby deer. These are the songs we sing in our household. But I know it's your turn to lead. It is. Don't even look at the iPad yet because I just have to say something first. Okay. I got the best DM. Well, I say I. It was on our podcast Instagram, but I manage that because you are media illiterate when it comes to well, social media. Social media, yes. Whatever. And and I got a DM from somebody. It was when we hit 4,000 followers, and I had posted, like, thank you. We love you. You know, yay. And someone responded, and she was like, and I forgot to write down her name, and now I can't find it in the sea of DMs. So I'm really sorry, but you're gonna know who you are. And she's like, I was subscriber 141 on YouTube. I'm assuming she meant YouTube. She's like, I'm a subscriber 141, and I can't wait for you guys to blow up. Remember me. Like, remember me when you guys blow up. And I just it was so cute. And so I just wanted to shout that person out because it made my day, my week, my life, my purpose for being here. That's so cute. And yeah, so if you guys want to send us cute little messages like that, just know that we love it. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that. Okay, cool. Well, it is my turn to lead. And we're gonna be talking about whether you would splurge on this item or if you would pass on it and therefore save your money.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Because today we're gonna be talking about money. Money, honey. That's right. Money, honey. I'm in finance, so I like it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is your language.
Speaker 1:Yes. My love language is finances. Okay, honey. Are you one of those people who's gonna spend like $350 on a Dyson hairdryer?
Speaker 2:You know what do you think? Well, I think no. Because how many times have you seen me do my hair since we've been together? Twice. Hence the greasy braid on my head right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Although I did get inspired to get not, I was thinking about the Dyson, the hair wrap, not the hairdryer, the one that like curls it and does all this stuff.
Speaker 1:Oh, yes.
Speaker 2:And then I did a little research and found a I don't know if it's considered a knockoff, but like a dupe version of it that was way cheaper. I used it like three times. And I'm still happy that I have it because it's like, what if I, you know, have to look fancy for something? It's there. And I only and it's just one device, but it was, I think it was like $150. So $350, save.
Speaker 1:Okay, cool. What about like a really fancy facial at a some fancy spa, like a $300 facial?
Speaker 2:Easy spend. You're spending that money all day. I'm saying like rubber.
Speaker 1:Anything related to skincare, massages, spas, all of our money is blown.
Speaker 2:It's the massage part. It's the it feels so good. Like, I don't care if you're rubbing salmon semen on my face, I'm down. Put the steamer on, get in the jaw. Yes.
Speaker 1:But does it the salmon semen, does it actually do anything? It just seems like some weird gimmick.
Speaker 2:I don't care. That's what I'm saying. Don't care. Because I feel great after, and then my stress level goes down and I'm glowing.
Speaker 1:Okay. Are you one of those people who would spend $150 on a luxury white t-shirt? They call it like quiet luxury.
Speaker 2:They call it quiet luxury. That's what the people call it. I don't know. Welcome. Welcome to the 2020s, honey. Uh no, I would not. Okay. I would save. I think maximum on a on a shirt, I think I've spent like it just a regular t-shirt. The mate the label ones, those are like $65 or something stupid. Yeah, those are too expensive. They're so they're they're too expensive and they kind of stretch out. I do love that brand, but not for a tea. No.
Speaker 1:No. What about expensive dinners?
Speaker 2:Give me a price point.
Speaker 1:Like talking, like, you know, I remember going out in San Francisco all the time, spend $200 plus dollars on a dinner.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It's a little harder to do that now because we don't drink. You know, it's kind of hard to rack up the bill that high. We don't go out to dinner, so how are you even saying yes to this? I didn't say yes.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:I what are you talking about? The word never came out. I'm just saying I would be open to it in not maybe not if it was just me and you, but if we were, if it was like part of a whole vibe of people and it it had to be something.
Speaker 1:You wouldn't be opposed, but it's not something you're doing regularly, like every Friday night going out and spending 200 bucks on dinner.
Speaker 2:But even like even if we host dinner at our house and cook, it can cost for a group of people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a great point. We'd rather have people over at our house and we'll cook a meal that may cost just 300 bucks for 12 people or something.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And I don't I like spending money on food if it's the vibe, but if it's just me and you, I'm like, let's go get tacos, you know?
Speaker 1:Fair enough. Okay. What about like a $3,000 designer handbag?
Speaker 2:Honey, you know the answer is yes, and you are the one cock blocking me from this happening. Why? How am I preventing this? Because you say no all the time. No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because we need to invest our money. Okay. You have enough purses. Well, that's false. But I And you're the one who's always trying to say, but my handbag collection is an investment.
Speaker 2:I'm like, no, it's not. No, no, no. I've never tried to claim that because we know how hard I wear things. But can can I tell the story about the purse last week?
Speaker 1:Yes. How I did tell the story. You have my permission. Okay.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't know. You seem very in control right now. So I left my purse in my shopping cart last week and didn't realize till I got home, which was about 20 minutes later. And the purse, I had nothing of value in the purse. I had eye drops, lip gloss, not even my wallet was in there. But the purse itself, extremely expensive and also just very sentimental because we got it in Paris and it was like during IVF. I don't know. Like it just was such a core memory. I was so sad. I raced back to the store. They're like, no, no one's turned in a purse. And I was like, I mean, of course. Why would they? And I was trying not to cry. I'm like, can I just leave my contact just in case? They're like, yeah, sure. Even though they're like, no one is gonna turn this person. Okay. And when I was still in the parking lot getting ready to pull out, I already called you crying.
Speaker 1:You didn't even say San Francisco for work. And I'm just like, what is happening?
Speaker 2:I'm getting so many text messages, phone calls, like No, I called you one time and then I texted you and said something really bad happened. And then I said I left my bag in the purse, and then I texted again and said the saddlebag. So you knew which one I was talking about. And then they called me and someone returned it.
Speaker 1:You can thank your lucky stars. But I was so scared to tell you because I wouldn't have been upset. It's just I would have been really sad for you.
Speaker 2:I know, but this is this is in relation to the topic today. This is why I'm sharing this story is that I was scared to tell. I knew you weren't gonna be mad at me, but like I wanted you to be mad at me because I felt it was like my fault.
Speaker 1:Punish me.
Speaker 2:Yes. But instead, I knew you would be like, oh now I'm just gonna buy her that bag again for Christmas. And I didn't want you to do that because we are spending a shitload of money on surrogacy right now, and we have we don't have that, you know.
Speaker 1:We don't have wiggle room right now, budget.
Speaker 2:But you would do it because you would just hate that I was sad.
Speaker 1:Yes, I would.
Speaker 2:And and I would be like, no, but at the same time, thank you. And I wouldn't refuse the gift, you know, even though it's our money. And then you you admitted it when we were telling one that's like I was gonna buy you. You were like, Yeah, I like you just already felt so bad for me.
Speaker 1:We've never bought each other crazy because I knew how much you love loved that bag. I know the side story is going way too long, honey.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying, punish me.
Speaker 1:I won't punish you. Okay, I mean, anyways, all right. What about like spending a lot of money on some like fancy car lease every month?
Speaker 2:No, you know, I don't give a shit about cars.
Speaker 1:You love our RAV for.
Speaker 2:I love a RAV. My dream car is the hybrid RAV. Right now we don't have a hybrid.
Speaker 1:I'll have to upgrade us to the hybrid RAV so you can achieve your dreams. Okay, what about like $200 for an energy healing session? Easy. Or any sort of uh, you know, astrology, body work, no problem.
Speaker 2:Yeah, count me in. Out the door. That's kind of a deal, honestly.
Speaker 1:Um, and what about like your $7 cotton sweaters from Gap? Will I splurge? Yeah, but you splurge on them.
Speaker 2:Like the one I'm wearing right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Duh. Okay. All day, every day.
Speaker 1:And last one, what about like gear? Like, what about like e-bike surfboards, gear? Like, are you a gear person?
Speaker 2:Stop saying gear.
Speaker 1:Are you a gear head? That's what people say, right?
Speaker 2:I don't like the way that sounds. Do I look like a gear head?
Speaker 1:No, it's so funny. Like, I feel like anything like that, you'll just buy it used. If you need if you need a new surfboard or something, you'll get it used for super cheap.
Speaker 2:Why not? Especially if you don't know if you're even gonna like it yet. That's how I always was with cars before you. I was like, I just want it to be safe enough to drive me around and have good gas mileage. And I'm good. I I've actually, until I met you, never had a car that had working air conditioning because we could always drive with the windows down. And it was like, that feels like a waste of money to fix the AC.
Speaker 1:So now we know what you care about. You care about spas, yeah, handbags.
Speaker 2:I want to feel good and be drinking leather.
Speaker 1:Anything like healing, yes, massages, energy healing stuff, anything like that you're into.
Speaker 2:And I would always spend money to get more animals. I will just say that's another thing.
Speaker 1:Fair enough. Okay. Yeah. Well, that was fun.
Speaker 2:Okay. So we asked you guys if you had any questions for us. I forget which episode, but we had kind of mentioned something about money, and then some people were like, yes, go deeper into this. So we asked you on the pod Instagram. I asked on my personal Instagram to send in questions and also some stories. Little fun stories that you guys have about money and your love life. Doesn't have to be a marriage, just any kind of relationship.
Speaker 1:Are there spicy ones in there?
Speaker 2:They're they're funny. Did you read them before? I did, yeah. Okay.
Speaker 1:So cute.
Speaker 2:Okay, so this is the first question. My girlfriend makes triple what I make, and she keeps calling our vacations her treat. Should I be grateful or is that a power imbalance? What do you think? You're the power lesbian. You decide.
Speaker 1:Well, they're not married yet.
Speaker 2:Correct.
Speaker 1:So it's like it is her money. It's not like they're married and now it's kind of like one pool of money.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I kind of feel like, yeah, why can't she say that? It's my treat. I want to take you on vacation.
Speaker 2:She no, she's not asking if she can't. She said, should I be grateful, or is it a power imbalance? I think just like enjoy it. I think I think it depends on so many other things happening in the relationship. You know, it's like if you're also seeing these other signs of her trying to like isolate and control you, yeah, then maybe a power imbalance. If there's like a big age gap as well, or even like the baby gay gap between experience gay, these can all be a little bit more than a lot of people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if I had a great relationship, but I'm dating someone who's some multi-millionaire and they want to take me on vacation, they're like, my treat. I'm like, hell yeah.
Speaker 2:Like I'm I'm gonna enjoy it. Kind of. We've talked about this the other day. Remember when I don't know what it came up and I said something. I I don't know if it was because we were watching, I don't know how it came up, but I said something like, yeah, but if I actually I think it was from the ultimatum from when AJ was saying, you know, she felt like whatever her name, I don't remember everyone's name. She kind of didn't feel like she was making enough and wasn't enough. And I was like, I feel like you would feel that way if we were together and I was way more successful than you when we met, and you were like, Yeah, probably. And I was like, you know, but what about even now? We've been together for six years. If I was making significant so much more than you that you think that's a different word, that's different than what we're talking about, though.
Speaker 1:That's like how do you feel in the relationship, making more or less money than the other person? I know and for me, I feel I feel like it's my role to be the provider in general. So like I come into that with any with any relationship that I'd enter. So if I wasn't in that role, I think it would make me feel a little uncomfortable. But in this situation of like this person's making more money than me, and assuming you guys are happy and there's no other weird control things, I'd be like, Yeah, cool.
Speaker 2:Take me on vacation. That sounds amazing. But just vacation. At some point, you would probably I because what you had said was if I was dating some multimillionaire and she wanted to take me on vacation, you'd be stoked. But is that different if you were married to that person? Would you feel inferior? I know that's not what they're asking, but I'm just asking you.
Speaker 1:I'm saying I I think it's a different question, is all I'm saying. Is like how I feel in my role is different than like, I don't know how to answer it differently.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know it's a different question. I'm just I'm going off on a different part of the conversation, is all I'm saying. Okay. So, anyways, I I made way less than you when we first got together.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And we were obviously not married when we first got together. And you I I also hadn't been living in the States for a long time. Where I was living is way lower cost of living. So you were definitely paying for more. And we never we didn't have a split of like percentage. It was never clear. It was just kind of like you're paying for you paid for rent. And then I would also pay for other, you know, help to furnish the house and groceries. And but we didn't say like, oh, this week you pay for this, that's it wasn't this like clear split. And yeah, it was kind of it was hard for me the first year that we were together because we hadn't merged finances, we weren't married or anything. And it was this feeling of like, oh, I want to be doing, giving more, contributing more, but at the same time still being cognizant of my own, you know, financial health. And you never pressured me or anything, but I can understand what this person is saying, where it's kind of it didn't feel like a power imbalance, but sometimes it felt hard to be grateful because not because I wasn't grateful, but because maybe it's like you feel embarrassed or bad. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think it depends where you are in the stage of your relationship. It's like if you're newer in a relationship and you're not living together, or even if you are you're into the relationship and you're not living together, it's like you're not splitting your finances in general. Like, whether it be proportionally or however you choose to do that, you're just in a relationship. And so if one person is making less money and they're unable to go on a vacation with their partner unless they pay for it and their partner is willing to pay for you to go on it, I'm I'm like, more to you. I think once you're actually in the relationship and then it's figuring out like how you want to allocate your money together, I think then a lot of other questions kind of come into play. But but yeah, I think that makes sense, like you know, of trying to understand for you, like how does it feel to be in that receiving role and whether or not you feel comfortable. Because I think you know, lots of people feel different ways about kind of like receiving that.
Speaker 2:Exactly. And I would say the only other thing to look out for is, you know, if somebody's like, oh, I got you, but then they kind of hold it over your head or remind you, then that's a red, you know, if if on the vacation she's like, Well, I paid for it, so we're doing it my way, or and then it feels like they're trying to assert control in other ways. Yeah. You know, just and whether that's the vacation or any kind of gift, if it stops feeling like a gift and more like shackles in some way, then that does not feel good. A red flag. But if they're really just kind of bougie and they're like, we want to ball out and we want you to come with us, then I would say enjoy it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. My wife wants to merge our bank accounts, but I'm secretly terrified. She'll see how much I spend on skincare. Is that a red flag or normal?
Speaker 1:Um, I'm pretty sure you did this when we first merged. You were all nervous and kept your own little credit card, so I couldn't see all the little things you were buying. That's not true at all. No, really, what happened was when we merged finances, I still have an own account. Use this credit card. This is our credit card that we use for everything. And then you would feel guilty anytime you had a big purchase. And so you wouldn't put that on our credit card because you didn't want me to have to pay for it ascent or like for us to be paying for it. You'd have like your own secret little bucket of money and like your own little credit card because you felt so guilty, which I thought was so funny.
Speaker 2:It was a struggle for me. That's what I was saying. But it was also, I kept my own accounts just to not close. It was kind of just like a pain to close them. Yeah. And you know, when like everything is already linked to, you know, so it was it started like that of just, oh, I'm just gonna keep them open, I'll keep some money in it. And then as some of my income streams were growing anyways, I was having more money going into these accounts. And yeah, like I was just, it wasn't that I was like, oh, she's gonna judge me, she's gonna get mad at me. It wasn't like that, but it was more, yeah, I felt really guilty about spending our money knowing that you were making more than me. Cause then it felt like our money was more valuable to me because it wasn't mine, even though you never made me feel that way.
Speaker 1:I was like, honey, use the credit card. Like, what are you doing? You'd be like, I'm getting Botox, and then I'd never see it charged. You'd be like, I used my own credit card. I'm like, everything goes onto one credit card. What are you doing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but on the other hand, you also, because you have just one revenue stream, you know, you have a salary. And kind of within that, some other ones where you have equity and you know, bone, like some other things there, but you're like, I don't really have that option. Whereas like I can just start this kind of side hustle of like selling stuff on Poshmark or whatever, these random side things that I do to bring in extra money. To just be like, oh, I'm just gonna now I have this extra money. And you're like, I can't really do that. So you also felt because then you would you said this to me once because you would kind of see me feeling guilty about it in some ways, then it made you also feel guilty about spending on that same stuff because then you're like, but I don't have these random reserves that I can just cover it. Yeah, you know?
Speaker 1:Yeah, all my money goes to us, to all of our bills, yeah.
Speaker 2:100% of our like living and whereas like if I want to do some if I want the $3,000 handbag, I can just do some random hide side hustle and do that because that money isn't allocated in our budget already. And that kind of didn't make you feel good either.
Speaker 1:No. But then you got all the fun money and I had none.
Speaker 2:I know, but I also so we figured it out. Okay, I think we should tell them how we figured it out. Well, how? What do you mean? How? What is wrong with you? You tell them why should I explain the spreadsheet? I've never made a spreadsheet in my life. And you want me to explain it? Okay, she's mute. Okay. You should just suddenly got so shy. What is happening? I don't know.
Speaker 1:I don't know. You can go ahead and I'll add to it.
Speaker 2:So we made, I say we very loosely. I contributed verbally and you made it. And we made a spreadsheet that was just, it's everything. It's like all of the stuff that we have to spend on our fixed spending, rent, utilities, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, um, groceries, gas, all of that kind of stuff. And then we also had our kind of fun money, you know, call it whatever you want to call it. And because this was also something we kind of we didn't like fight about, but we would sort of like bitch at each other about, where you really like to spend on eating out. Yeah. And less so now, but at the time you were eating out almost for every lunch. Oh most meals you would order delivery.
Speaker 1:I would do like yeah, five days a week. I'd get like one, I'd get something.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And I would be like, God, why? And and keep in mind at this time we were actually pretty stressed financially because we had just put all of our money into building our property, building our resort, and also to get a hundred thousand dollar loan to do that.
Speaker 1:It was a rough time.
Speaker 2:Okay. And spent all of our money, but we had to do that because we were halfway through construction and you don't, if you stop in the middle, then it's just gonna be worse. The jungle is gonna take over and it's gonna be more expensive. So we were like, okay, cool. We're cutting any excess costs and putting everything into paying back this loan. I will say, how fast did we pay back the loan?
Speaker 1:I think it was five months.
Speaker 2:We crushed it.
Speaker 1:We were very dedicated to we saved a lot of money and we earned some extra money and we did everything we could to everything.
Speaker 2:So scrappy.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But so when you were, you know, like if you would order food or something, I'd be like, why are you ordering lunch? You know, because even something like that, that could be $20 that we could be putting on the loan.
Speaker 1:And I'd be like, Why are you spending all of our money at the med spawn on skincare products?
Speaker 2:Exactly. So we realized we had different, even though we might spend the same amount of money on things, we just spent it differently.
Speaker 1:Like we we prioritize our money differently.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's okay. That's what we decided. We said, okay, that that's fine. And also here's your here's what you get to spend every month, here's what I get to spend every month, and then obviously, like, here's all the core things we have to spend every month.
Speaker 2:But you decide how you want to spend your allowance, essentially.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:And I like that too because I've always also created budgets for myself. Yeah. What I just I have to do, I need to know the number, otherwise, it's just gonna feel endless. And because you were more in control of the nitty-gritty of our money once we merged, I was like, just tell me how much I can spend on facials or whatever, so that I don't go over. Otherwise, I'm always I'm gonna keep putting it on this my card or you know. But if you say this is how much you could spend every month, go nuts. You decide what you want to spend that on.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Then I your guilt guilt-free spending. Exactly.
Speaker 1:So yeah, it's like we really wanted to understand how much, what are our goals? We have savings and investing goals every month, and then we understand like what is the budget of the money we have to spend to live and to exist, our groceries, everything, car payment, whatever we have. And then we each get a bucket of money that we can spend our money however we want to, whether it's on restaurants or going to a show or going to the med spa, buying clothes, whatever you want.
Speaker 2:And that was the other thing is you used to buy way more clothes than I did. And I'd be like, why did you buy another sweatshirt? You know, we should be saving money. But you know you're within the budget.
Speaker 1:It really eliminates a lot of conflict because it's like you don't have to be irritated with me. It's like that's how I chose to spend my money.
Speaker 2:What I will say is important. And I think the reason it worked for us is because we trust each other, though. Yeah. Because if you don't have trust in your relationship, you can set up a budget and be like, here's how much you have every month, spend it on however and whatever you want. But if that person is sneaky or is if there's a broken trust there for whatever reason, whether it's financial or otherwise, you might still want to like track them. Or, you know, we've never that never happened with us. It was just like, oh, thank God, we don't have to talk about this anymore. Okay, I'll keep track of it.
Speaker 1:We both And we're both flexible when it's like, hey, maybe, you know, we have to pay for some flights or something. We're choosing we're choosing up. Yeah, choosing to have, you know, some larger dollar amounts and we need to figure out how we're gonna fund it. Sometimes we'll say, Yep, that budget that we have, we're cutting back for the next couple months. Yeah. Because we need to pay pay off these flights or whatever we need to do. And we get on the same page.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah. And that is something that I will say just in general. It's like we talk about money a lot. It is not a constant conversation in this burdensome way, but where it, you know, even recently, it's like you've had some family stuff come up. All of a sudden we're going there for Thanksgiving now. We didn't have a plan to do that. Same thing. Like this is an act an extra cost and Airbnb, the flights, you know, it's a very expensive time to travel. So we're like, okay, cool. How does this shift things? Are we gonna pull a little, are we gonna invest a little bit less? Are we gonna pull from here? You know, and like we talk about it and both decide before just doing whatever we want to do. Yeah. Which I think is so important. Okay.
Speaker 1:So did we answer their question?
Speaker 2:Uh so they said they asked, they said that they were terrified, terrified for them to see how much they spend on skincare. Is it a red flag or normal?
Speaker 1:I think it's normal. I think when you I think when you merge finances, it's like scary. It's it's very vulnerable to then be like, here's here's everything about me and how I spend my money. Like, I I think that's vulnerable.
Speaker 2:I just had this flash of you being like, I need to buy new underwear. And you looked like so sad. I'm like, okay, why is I feel like you're confessing some dark secret to me. Like, go buy your underwear.
Speaker 1:I don't know why. It it definitely feels vulnerable. Like if you, if all of your spending habits were exposed to the public and put on the internet, I think some people would definitely feel embarrassed, like, oh my God, like, you know, spend way too much on clothes or whatever it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So it's normal, but I would say the way to combat it is just really open communication. Okay, so next question. We moved in together and had our first fight about groceries. Do we split 50-50 or do we factor in who earns more? Classic. Yeah, it's classic. What do you think, honey?
Speaker 1:Um, I mean, different methods work for different people, but personally, I think, you know, when you're thinking about the budget and how you're gonna allocate your money, I think it is the most fair to do things proportionally to your own.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, so that it's not burdening, you know, the person who's earning less, you know, in a more significant way.
Speaker 2:I agree. I mean, I think I mean, if we're talking a difference of a really small amount of money, like if you don't make the exact same salary, but it's relatively close, sure, maybe then still keep it 50-50. But if there's a pretty big difference, yeah, I don't understand why you wouldn't personally.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2:So I guess to fully answer the question, we don't know how much either of you earn or what the difference is. So I would say only split 50-50 if you earn the same or pretty close to it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2:Okay, my partner insists on Venmo requesting me for every single coffee she buys me. Is this love or an accounting internship?
Speaker 1:Oh the Venmo people who are like really feel like they have to get exactly what they're owed. I don't know.
Speaker 2:Like, I get it, but I've never had that in a relationship. I've had that with some friends and stuff where it's like a four-dollar Venmo request, you're like, okay. Okay, good. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know. Um I think that it can make your partner feel not great. Right. But I also understand like wanting to split costs like fairly or evenly. But I think just like know that if you if if the if you're okay, so if you're receiving the coffee, but you're also doing small things for your partner and buying them small things or whatever it is, contributing the household in other ways. Let's just trust that it's equal and not feel like we have to go like point for point.
Speaker 2:That's what I was gonna say. It feels more like a trust thing because it's like either it's either a trust or kind of again, fear. Because what if they are hurting more financially than then you know? Maybe you don't know, if especially if you're just dating, you might not fully know the scope of their their finances yet. So maybe they need those four dollars. You know, maybe they feel embarrassed to Venmo request you, but they need to do that for sure. I would say it starts with the conversation and open communication and letting them feel kind of like safe enough to talk to you about that. And then if it's not, if it's just this habit or that I mean also, was it meant to be a present?
Speaker 1:Like, is she buying you a coffee to be like, here, I got you a coffee and then Venmo you know? It's like I really don't like that.
Speaker 2:That's true.
Speaker 1:Then it's like, well, then just don't buy me the coffee because maybe I didn't even want it to begin with. And I just got a $4 Venmo request for that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's uh that's very true. I yeah, because they do say for every coffee she buys me. So it's like, what if you're like, I don't even like coffee? What is this? Uh yeah, so I would say maybe have a conversation just in general of like, hey, I, you know, even if you just say, like, hey, I've never I've never had this kind of exchange in a relationship before. Totally understand if you do need that, I'm happy to give you the four dollars.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think the open communication is is key.
Speaker 2:And also, you know, like maybe.
Speaker 1:limit it to this number of coffees or trust that I'm gonna get you know it is this even exchange yeah but like hey I I buy buy you lunch every now and again it yeah it all evens out in the mix if it if it's really not though then I totally understand you know that person feeling like you know I want the expenses to feel even because may I but what they don't may not realize is that like all the Venmo requests might feel like on the receiving end might not feel great. So come up with a solution that works for the two of you that limits the all the Venmo requests.
Speaker 2:Yeah I would agree with that and also we don't know the person like maybe the person writing in doesn't evenly pay. Maybe this is a wake up call and they're like pay me back bitch you know like come on it could be so maybe you're but then look just talk about it. Talk about it but also be honest with yourself and and be like okay wait do I get maybe they really do kind of pay every time yeah I do need to be better about that you know and come up with some kind of system some sort of rhythm okay I'm in a queer thruple and money has gotten so complicated I feel like we need a CFO. Any tips? I don't know what that means.
Speaker 1:Well you are basically a CFO so but you're not giving us a lot to go on like what is the problem?
Speaker 2:I'm assuming it's probably because there's so many moving pieces like we said it's already scary enough to merge finances with one person. Right because people have different spending habits, different preferences, but introducing now a third person that just again it's just making it more if you're in a thruple and you guys all live together and so therefore want to be consolidating expenses in some way then what I would say is have an account where everybody contributes to you guys decide like what is it what whether so maybe it's like for all your groceries dinners whatever contribute to a central fund and then just all pay out of that like you know for the for the for the central things that you are doing together. Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's what I would probably say.
Speaker 2:And the contribution would be based again on percentage. Proportionally okay yeah that's a good idea.
Speaker 1:And then you can you know it that doesn't mean like do that for every single thing but if it's like hey we're gonna pay for you know like going out to dinners together or groceries or whatever we're gonna all put it into one pot and then you know we'll use that card for that.
Speaker 2:Because what if they don't live together? I feel like that's the most helpful for bills and when you grocery when you're living together you have the most shared expenses but if you're just dating I feel like it's a little harder to open a bank account it has to be that same thing where you're trusting one person gets the dinner this time the next time then if you're not in a place where you want like because I could I could say well you could say well we are gonna as a couple spend about $400 a month or something.
Speaker 1:Yeah to go out to dinner, do activities, whatever it is, go to lunches, get coffees we could all contribute and then we kind of use the funds for for that or if you're not ready to do that then I would just say split it three ways every time you go out.
Speaker 2:Yeah there's something like unsexy about splitting it sometimes you know what I mean I understand the purpose of it but I get where you're like meh I don't know it feels it feels some type of way but I do like the idea of like this is our budget for the month. If you're dating and not living together probably don't open a bank account that's too that's too much for not being on that level of a relationship yet. But you can still decide or you could say we have a date night X number of times per week and you know when it's this person's date night they're covering it.
Speaker 1:So maybe sometimes they cook maybe sometimes it they go out you know you can kind of decide what your budget is for your little event that you're putting on yeah I don't know yeah you could do that or you could just be like okay yeah every time we hang out once a week we're gonna you have we have a hundred dollar budget as a as a thruple we're gonna Venmo to the person who's organizing the budget and then they can choose to spend it however they want to whether it's a meal or something else.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah I like that okay so here's a couple of stories I did want to have some time to get to the stories we had other questions come in but I I picked the ones that I thought were the best. Okay so also by the way please always submit us questions and stories because they are so fun for us to read okay so story number one when my wife and I got engaged she casually mentioned she had student loans turns out a little debt was actually 80 grand. I found out when the collector called okay this is crazy our shared landline that's the craziest part of the story you have a landline I love her but I feel betrayed is it fair to keep financial secrets until marriage ooh yeah this is so common I find that to be a form of cheating it's a betrayal cheating yeah it is a betrayal but it's but but this is so common the student loans or or it could just be any kind of credit card debt any kind of debt lots of different there's usually a lot of shame or maybe you found out that they have a really bad credit score for some reason there's a lot of things that you may not know that could pop up I think I don't think this situation is the financial treating that you're talking about because what they said is she casually mentioned she had student loans. So what turned out as a little debt was actually 80 grand but maybe to that person they don't see 80 grand as a lot for like maybe that was maybe she wasn't trying to downplay it. That was just genuinely she doesn't see it as a big deal because everyone around her maybe that's the norm.
Speaker 1:I just think if you're going to get married then you're most likely I mean you are merging finances whether or not you actually merge them into the same bank account because if you get married now you know and you don't have a prenup, everything is 50-50. And take our debt you're taking on any assets they have and you're taking on all the debt that they have. And so my recommendation for anyone who's getting married is like before getting to that point is that you should really have an honest discussion around for sure what your financial situation is in terms of like the real assets that you have and the real debt that you have and um and how how you're approaching taking care of those things.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Yeah because they said that this happened when they got engaged so they were already engaged and she said I love her but I feel betrayed or I'm just assuming this is a woman. I guess I don't know um is it fair to keep financial secrets until marriage? So I think I think that the key component that you're saying though it's it needs to be an open conversation. If you asked her and she lied about it that would be that betrayal kind of cheating but and I can still understand why you feel betrayed you know if you feel that way your feelings are valid but it's just like she didn't lie. But if the conversation was never brought up at all of course it is perhaps more her responsibility to to disclose that before but if neither of you took that initiative to talk about finances then like when was she going to kind of put that out there pre-proposal.
Speaker 1:Exactly you know I think it's one of those things you really need to sit down and talk about. It's like you know go over your budget go over the assets you do home have go over the debt you have like figure out a plan. Like if you're going to get married you need to start acting like a team and so you need to like sit down and have those conversations and put everything out on the table. Otherwise I think what most people do is probably what this couple did is, you know, like yeah I've got some debt but like no big deal or I don't want to like go into it and it's easy to kind of like hide behind those things or not fully express your personal situation because maybe it does feel vulnerable or you're embarrassed or whatever it is. But ultimately both people should really know what they're signing up for.
Speaker 2:But I'm just trying to think when before we got engaged I know we merged finances right before we actually got engaged. So but even before that point of merging I don't think we both knew that the other one didn't have debt. So that was never something to disclose you didn't know how much in terms of assets I had I never you didn't know how much I made like we didn't talk about specifics of like this is how much I make and this is how much you make we didn't we actually didn't know that um I think you did know how much I made but you didn't know how many like how much I had my investments or my 401k or anything like that because I I felt like what was more important was that neither of us had debt.
Speaker 1:Right. And the asset piece was just going to be a bonus. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:So yeah I don't know I just I I just was thinking about that like we didn't talk super specifics but I think part of it too was we had been living together for a year. So it was like we knew we had been observing each other's kind of like spending habits and see you know it was like we already saw the priorities there weren't any major red flags that was like whoa why is she behaving this way with money to where we needed to have those conversations but I think they kind of actually came up more after now that I'm thinking about it. So ideally you can have them before but I also do understand if it doesn't happen before the engagement but definitely in that engagement period for sure money is so important to talk about and I don't know I feel like this is kind of important to share you know how it's like we talk about the future a lot in relation to money but then it's like if you're so living in the future that you can't enjoy the present how do we kind of find that balance I think that that's maybe something interesting to share. What do you think?
Speaker 1:Yeah I think it's really good to know where you're going because first off the more that you can do when you're young in your 20s and 30s to invest, the better you're gonna be set up for the long term because of compounding growth. So it's really really important to know what your retirement goals are and how you're going to get there and make sure you have a plan around investing to get there.
Speaker 2:And if you this will all make sense in a second but if you don't know exactly how to approach that there's some really awesome free tools out there like I love Dave Dave Ramsey's retirement calculator you know helps you understand like how much do you spend today and what your income is and how much you might need in the future and therefore like how much you should be and I will say as somebody who doesn't before you really knew anything about this stuff, it is also super user friendly. Yeah it's it's very like this is how much you should how do you plug this number in you're like okay this is how much it's really easy. It's super easy.
Speaker 1:And so it's really important to know where you're going first and foremost so that you understand every month like what do I need to be doing? The priorities too and once you understand where you're going and you you've made a plan and a budget and you have you know investing priorities and you're achieving those on a monthly basis we you know maybe it's 200 bucks whatever it is every month that you're gonna put aside for your retirement then you know the rest becomes how you enjoy the present.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think that really becomes a question of like how you allocate your budget to enjoy your life right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I think it's just it's important to prioritize both.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And there were periods for instance when we talked about the hundred thousand dollar loan that we had, we weren't investing at that time because our priority was just paying back the loan as much as possible. But other times, you know, every other time when we we don't have that debt hanging over our head our investment money feels just as important as like our rent you know that much of a non-negotiable where it's just that's part of our fixed cost kind of no matter what. There is some wiggle room there if we have you know real emergencies come up or whatever, fine. But we that's the level that we prioritize it. And then from there, you know, we're not doing it so much to break our backs and like okay now we can't eat out, we can't do anything because we're putting everything in investments. We still have the fun money as well.
Speaker 1:You have to have the fun money.
Speaker 2:You have to otherwise I feel like it almost becomes like a binge purge cycle the same with eating where it's like if you're so restricted and you're restricting yourself from ever having the fun money then you're gonna binge it all on some maybe crazy useless stuff that's not super helpful. So it's like having that balance is super important.
Speaker 1:It is and I think one of the things that usually I see people see people struggle with this is because a lot of times they're when you look at their budget and how they've allocated their money, something's out of proportion. For example, you know maybe they had you know maybe their budget every month is 4,000 bucks but they're spending 2000 bucks a month on rent. And so it's just like your ability to then have fun with the budget that you have is going to be really constricted because you're spending 50% of your of your income on living expenses. Yeah. If you could get that down to 25% and you're spending a thousand bucks on rent, your ability to then have fun on a monthly basis really changes. And so it really comes down to what your priorities are. Some people would rather spend a lot more money on their housing costs because they want their own place or you know a nicer place to live but just realize like that might impact your ability to then do the other things that you want to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah and that's what it is to be in a relationship is have those conversations and know that you won't always agree and then have to compromise. So fun. Okay so when my wife got her bonus she bought me a $1200 suit for future date nights sweet right except I don't even wear suits I'm wondering if it was more about her than me oh interesting I mean my initial sense is like oh she probably wanted to get you something nice and like just maybe miss the mark on what you actually would have wanted like maybe you're like my wife and be like I would have rather had a purse for that instead you know yeah but thank you and that's hard because like the person's trying to give you something really nice and it's maybe not like the way you would have used the money either.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Which is really hard.
Speaker 2:I feel like probably the feeling that is worse is just like you don't even know me well enough to know I don't wear suits. Like that's the kind of crazy part. But I mean you know what it reminds me of is a few birthdays ago the first time you ever did get me a nice bag remember? Oh yeah and it was super expensive and everything and and you're like you know if you well actually it showed up with like what looked like a poop stain on the side of it.
Speaker 1:I don't even know how this happened. And I ordered it from like Bergdorf's or something or Barney's something like that.
Speaker 2:And it literally looked like poop was smeared on the side of the bag. It's so sad. I was like what? But and you were like you know so we knew we were gonna have to exchange it regardless because of the type of like I we I didn't want to try to get that out. But I was like I don't know if this is the bag I would have chosen and for and you were very much like get the one you want because you're like I was literally the blind leading the blind like I don't know how to pick out a bag.
Speaker 1:I don't know what you want I was like here's the budget I had exactly let's go to the store you can get whatever you want.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah so that's what I'm saying about like the trust factor you have to have that trust that security that openness in your converse in your communication so that like you didn't feel bad about it. You were the one that was at you felt worse about the poop stay.
Speaker 1:I did I felt so I was so disappointed. But it's like I I think it's great it's just like I think you could just say like I love the gesture like this is so nice. I don't know that I will wear this yeah because I'm not a suit person but like I really would love to maybe get something else that I would really use. For our date night.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah that's the thing if she you know if that was kind of like the focus but I think that's more what it comes to is just like being able to to have that because I know there's like a lot of people talk about this with engagement rings as well where they're like I don't like it. And I I'm all for like if you're the one wearing it you should get a say I think if someone gives it to you and they're like I have to wear this have something you don't even want to wear and someone spent a lot of money on it.
Speaker 1:Exactly it's a I think the hard thing is you need to really give them that feedback before they do it because they can't return it once you buy it.
Speaker 2:Well not always sometimes it depends on the custom yeah yeah but that it's that was the same as the bag I didn't tell you I wasn't like here's my Pinterest board of bags and I didn't give you any direction. So you had no idea. I had no clue that was so stressful.
Speaker 1:Don't do that to me.
Speaker 2:No idea and and I think that's why it was fine where you're like I hope this is good and if it's not totally get it and and also by the way what I ended up doing was getting one new bag and then one used one for the price the same price as the one you're always looking for a deal. I'm always looking to sweeten the deal and you were like okay whatever um and same with the engagement ring though I just told you I like this jeweler but I didn't give you all I said was I don't want a diamond. That was it. And you're like great thanks for the feedback. No idea what to do. So I think it's partially that is like giving the hints before but then also if you're someone that's gonna wear it and if it is a lot of money, you know, whatever a lot means to you then I think it's fair because otherwise you're just gonna collect dust in the closet. Yeah. And you're gonna sell it for less than $1200 anyways because it goes down in value. So I think everyone wins if you're honest. Okay. Um my girlfriend and I moved in together after two months classic the moving truck cost $150 and the IKEA trip after was about $2300. Ouch she calls it investing in our future but I call it her weakness for Raton lamps. Amazing okay so I guess it sounds like you obviously have a difference in opinion on what to spend on.
Speaker 1:Yeah I mean it seems like it my hope is that you guys had agreed before you went into the IKEA on how much you guys felt comfortable in investing in your new place together. Because that's like a big thing is like hey we now decide to move in together that of course there's going to be moving expenses and furnishing expenses but like the most important thing is like did you agree on how much you felt comfortable spending what were the things you really needed and you know hopefully you didn't blow your whole budget on Ratant lamps.
Speaker 2:I'm kind of down for Ratant lamp so but but yeah I think that's the thing is I'm like okay it's not super clear I'm obviously they split the truck but it's not super clear was it that she bought it and then was like okay give me half without the conversation before.
Speaker 1:Yeah that's what I'm saying. I hope you agreed on what you guys felt comfortable spending and how you're gonna spend the money. Yeah that's the most important thing is just having that conversation like you know we know there's gonna be things that come up maybe you guys didn't have a vacuum cleaner maybe there's you know I don't know you needed cutlery that who knows maybe you need a coffee maker but figuring out what that's going to look like so you can budget for it and then you know feel comfortable once you actually go into the store what you actually really need. Yeah if you're not overspending as well.
Speaker 2:Because I feel like one I mean there can obviously be many problems with you hauling even though we are not the best examples um but that that is definitely one of them that it's like if you move so quickly that you aren't able to have deeper conversations about many things but finances is a super important one especially because even if you're not sharing an account you are going to be sharing finances to a degree by splitting bills now. So you know all of our you haulers out there or potential you haulers try to have the money talk first and not just like how much can we spend on rent you know you need more than just your budget for that. Yeah because it is a learning curve once you move in with someone to see the different things they like. We love a U hauler okay let's do one more okay um okay so we eloped to keep things simple but then we spent more on the cake than the flights every time my wife sees the photos she says worth it but every time I see the credit card bill I'm not so sure. How much was this cake?
Speaker 1:What what that's an expensive cake cakes are expensive wedding cakes more than the cost of two airline tickets well I don't I have no idea what you eloped like how are you eating thousands of dollars worth of cake first of all I love the elopement right I love people who are like we're gonna do our wedding the way we want to do it in the way that you know that and forget all the expectations from our families and whatever and we're gonna choose to not spend a lot of money on a wedding I love that do you I do yeah because I feel like you definitely wanted more of a wedding than I did. I got the wedding I wanted yeah it was which was like intimate and small we didn't spend a lot of money you know we had our closest other than building the venue closest friends in the family there other than that but the actual wedding itself was not that expensive and it didn't feel like we were wasting a home down payment on one day.
Speaker 2:That was my I've never been a wedding person and so I was always like let's just I mean we did get married in the courthouse first and I was like I'm good like this is fine this is great and it the wedding part was more important to you where you're like no I want an actual wedding and I was like okay we are cap can I just say how much we spent on our wedding 10 grand yeah which is pretty unreal I think it's still a lot of money I was I still think it's a lot of a lot of money but anyone who has ever planned a wedding that's like nothing how is that pop we spent how much did we spend on flowers $36 because we got all the flowers from our garden because I was like okay if we're doing this we are not going over this and I we might have even been a little I don't remember exactly we spent 10,000 yeah but and probably the most that we spent on was photography, videography like flying people in England. I also got hair and makeup because I was like if I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do this and and yeah but it was you know that was something we had to compromise on where I didn't really want a wedding at all and you did and so it's like okay well then we're doing it very minimally you know so I get this but again should have talked about it before right yeah also it's like if you're choosing to put your wedding on a credit card I totally understand because it's so expensive and you know a lot of people don't have money saved for weddings like if you're choosing to elope and then putting a bunch of money on a credit card for a cake I just think it feels like it might not be aligned with your priorities. What do you mean? Meaning that like we would have put it on a credit card.
Speaker 1:But we then we would have paid it off. Yeah no but now you're looking at your credit card statement every month because you're paying off the cake that you never really wanted like you guys should have been aligned on that and it because it doesn't seem like it was aligned with your priorities and now it's sitting on your credit card.
Speaker 2:Well my other question is maybe they did have a con I'm they probably had a conversation about it before. I'm sure that they came on the wife came home and said I want this cake and you were like okay but then it's like if you're gonna say okay and give the permission then give it all the way don't do it in a way where you have this resentment after 100% that's a great point. Because that's not good for healthy for either of you. Like that's not going to feel good for either person.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And can we just normalize couples choosing to do weddings in their own unique way that reflects them as a couple and doesn't follow kind of this rule of you know having these big events where all of these people have to come and you spend $100,000. Like I was just talking to a friend a coworker actually who is telling me that they're getting married at the courthouse and so like just their family is coming to the courthouse piece of it. But then they like the way that they wanted to make it unique and special is that they're big foodies. Okay. And so they they're going to this like five star five star restaurants like a Michelin restaurant and they're inviting like their closest like I don't know 30 friends doing a five course meal and then afterwards they're like going out dancing or something and then they're going on this trip right after and for them that's like exactly what they wanted for their wedding and they don't have to spend this crazy amount of money. They can afford it. They get to go on like their bucket list trip after and everybody still gets to celebrate them. Like they're just so excited about I love couples who choose to do unique things that doesn't break the bank because they feel like they have to do this traditional wedding.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Especially if you feel like you're doing it for someone else which it's usually like your parents your grandparents or and I know there's like so many cultural things that come into play there too. So it can be very complicated but yeah it is one of those things that you're like it's allowed to be about us and what we want. And I think also just normalizing the bride or the brides who don't give a shit about weddings because we're out there and you like me, you might order your dress you don't go in and try dresses on and I never got it hemmed and it might have been falling off of me all night and that's fine.
Speaker 1:Yeah you never got it hemmed. You didn't get it tailored.
Speaker 2:No nothing and I paid for that in a bad way but and then I knew I wanted a second dress for the reception and I got it for $30 in Bali at a boutique. I was like amazing it'll do you know perfect and you looked great. So it's just like you know let people let people do what feels good for them. It's like really about obviously celebrating the love and also starting a life together and you don't want to start your life together in debt paying off your wedding amen. I assume you think we did good you have any other nuggets of wisdom to leave people before we get into who's the problem?
Speaker 1:No I think I think we hit a lot of the most important things.
Speaker 2:Yeah I mean I'm sure this will only create more questions and if you have more questions for us feel free to send them in. Honey I see your who's the problem would you like to explain it okay so it's dark.
Speaker 1:My who's the problem is every year when tax season rolls around death I feel so anxious because when I was a single person and I could do my taxes via turbotax I love tax season it was so easy. It's just like who loves tax season well I would always get a I would always get a return.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:And so it was like here's my W-2 I just like it you know it imports into the system it tells me exactly how much I have to pay I don't feel like I'm about to commit a felony right when I'm doing this and wow I just got $2,000 back. Okay this is amazing. This sounds like you're about to be since we've gotten married you have your own businesses. Now we have our own businesses together and we have like an international business. We have an international business that we have equity from my company different stocks. So complex bought a house sold a house every single year I feel like I have just committed a felony even though I used a tax professional and I feel so scared that every year that the the the IRS is going to come after me. It's so stressful. Because sometimes they do and sometimes they're like hi you owe us $60,000. Yes and then it's really stressful and then now you're working with IRS to be like now I'm audited and now I have to explain and I'm like it's so stressful and I don't understand why the tax code is so crazy that they're literally having normal people who just want to pay their taxes commit felonies on a regular basis.
Speaker 2:But you're also not even a normal person in the sense your brain is a spreadsheet. So you understand numbers way more than the average normal person and it's even still hard for you.
Speaker 1:Can I just say that if you are listening and watching this IRS, I want to pay you money. I'm not trying to avoid but please like make it easier for us.
Speaker 2:No it's it's it's honestly our accountant's fault. They are the problem and that's why we got a new one because she'd be like oops yeah I I missed that and we're like what is that that's your job sometimes it's my fault though sometimes
Speaker 1:Sometimes I make a mistake and I'm like, oh, I didn't realize you needed this document. And it's so been making employment complicated. Yes, exactly.
Speaker 2:Because we also have moved states, so there's been different tax, you know, it's less complicated now.
Speaker 1:No, it's not. It's still complicated. And I'm trying to not go to jail for my taxes. Like, here, you can have my money. So I just make please make it simpler.
Speaker 2:So it's either the IRS being the problem or us?
Speaker 1:I think it's the IRS has made the tax code.
Speaker 2:But those are the two options.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think the tax code's the problem and not us. Yeah. But you tell me, maybe we are doing a bad job putting together our taxes. I don't know.
Speaker 2:I blame the government.
Speaker 1:I feel like it needs to be simpler.
Speaker 2:I blame the government. I think that's pretty easy. Okay. I'm gonna take a turn from money and just talk about you for a moment. No. Why? Because you don't ever leave this house. And I leave the house. I would like it if you left sometimes. Today I went to the post office for 20 minutes. It was a big moment. It was a big moment for you because you went to New York a few weeks ago.
Speaker 1:And then I went to San Francisco.
Speaker 2:Yes, these are business trips. These are business trips. And I'm like, it's so nice to just have the house to my we both work from home. You know, we're just we're home a lot, and that's fine. And we love spending time together. I leave the house every single day.
Speaker 1:Where did you go today?
Speaker 2:The day's not over.
Speaker 1:You haven't gone anywhere. And I've been out multiple times.
Speaker 2:I usually leave the house every single day, multiple times. And it's it's just nice to like have the house to yourself.
Speaker 1:I really like having the house to myself. You should leave more often.
Speaker 2:Exactly. And so you never leave because you're just like, if I stay here long enough, she'll leave. And I said to you when you got back from New York, I was like, Can you please try to leave more? And you're like, I leave all the time. I'm like, no, you literally go to the grocery store once a week. You also we have class pass. You stopped going. Though actually, the only class you go to is with me. Yeah, on the weekend.
Speaker 1:I downgraded my classes.
Speaker 2:We go to Pilates once a week together. You used to go to like to one, two classes a week. You don't even do that.
Speaker 1:It was a waste of money. I downgraded.
Speaker 2:Get that shit eating grin off your face.
Speaker 1:Didn't fit in my budget.
Speaker 2:So I think it's clear who the problem is, but I guess I could also be the problem for wanting my wife to leave once in a while. I'm not talking about extended periods of time. I'm just saying, like, yeah, go. I did see take an F-45 class.
Speaker 1:Your friend Morgan, her and her wife, they do this thing where we're not gonna do this. But I thought it was cute what they do. One day a week, Morgan leaves the house for the whole day. So Shauna has the house to herself. And then a different day during the week, they they reverse it so that they each get one full day where they have the house to themselves. We're not gonna do that. But I thought that was a cute idea.
Speaker 2:You're just gonna dangle the carrot and say, Isn't this such a good idea? I'm never gonna do that for you, though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's great.
Speaker 2:Okay, I think I think the people will speak. You are the problem. It is clear. I will let you know if she leaves more often. Okay.
Speaker 1:Well, that's all that's all we wrote for this week, folks.
Speaker 2:We love you guys. See you next week. See you next week. Bye. Thank you so much for listening to the show. We're so happy to have you here. Make sure to subscribe, rate, and review wherever you're listening to podcasts. We love getting commentary from you on Spotify and on YouTube. And as always, if you love this episode or any of our episodes, make sure to share it with a friend or somebody who will appreciate the conversation.
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