Cheating Stories in 3, 2, 1…

Is it cheating… or just crossing a line?

Alix and Kayla kick off the new year from Nicaragua by playing "Cheating or No?" —breaking down gray-area relationship scenarios like shared playlists, DMs, flirting, emotional affairs, and “we weren’t official” loopholes. They read listener-submitted cheating stories that include coworker crushes, wedding-night confessions, secret double lives, and queer awakenings sparked by one kiss. Honest, funny, and unfiltered conversations about boundaries, emotional intimacy, and why cheating isn’t always about sex.

00:00 Intro from Nicaragua + lost episode recap
02:50 Game: Cheating or No? (playlists, DMs, flirting, nudes)
07:09 Listener cheating stories begin
08:00 Emotional affair with a coworker
13:45 Best friend confesses love before the wedding
22:18 “It wasn’t cheating because it was a girl”
28:20 Secret double life & poly vs monogamy
35:10 “We weren’t official” situationship disaster
40:20 Who’s the problem? Personal cheating story
46:00 Is staying with a cheater worse than cheating?

#CheatingOrNo #QueerPodcast #WLW #LesbianPodcast #RelationshipAdvice #EmotionalCheating #Situationships #QueerStories #DatingBoundaries

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Follow our hosts on Instagram: @kaylalanielsen @alix_tucker

You can also watch our episodes on Youtube at youtube.com/@wivesnotsisterspod!

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:08

Hey guys, it's Alix and Kayla. And we're married. Not related. Definitely codependent.

Speaker 4 0:14

But in a cute way. And we are back. It's the new year. Not now, but you know.

Speaker 1 0:21

We're here in Nicaragua, which is awesome. We've been shredding some waves. Okay. Wait.

Speaker 4 0:27

Well, also, we should explain. We took the week off, which we were not planning on. We would have told you guys if we were gonna take the week off, which is probably fine because I know in general people are like doing their thing during the holidays, but we recorded an entire episode and then the audio didn't work. And we found out too last minute to where we couldn't record again. So we just took the week off, and hopefully you guys had a good week off as well.

Speaker 1 0:52

Some technical issues. We're sorry about that. Is that we met a sister wife in real life here in Nicaragua, which was crazy. Mm-hmm. And so, yeah, we had gotten a message on our Instagram, which Kayla runs, and someone had reached out and said, I think I saw you guys in the lineup today in our tiny little town, which is crazy because it's like 250 people here in our town in Nicaragua. And so you wrote back to me, like, come say hi to us. Like, if you see us in the wild, like we want to meet you. And so then the next day or two days later, I was surfing and I rode a wave in and I heard someone yelling my name. I was like, who is that? I'm like, hey, you know, and then I paddled out to the lineup and she came out, she was like, told me that she was from Spain, but lives in South Africa and came all the way to Nicaragua, and that's where we met her. It's so crazy. She was awesome. So shout out to Jen.

Speaker 4 1:56

Yes, yes. It was so it's just like, yeah, the connection of that all. Because where we live in California, you we live in Southern California, in San Diego. Like it wouldn't be that crazy if we ran into someone who's like, oh yeah, I listen to your podcast. But here, the fur the for the very first person to ever see us in the wild to be in Nicaragua and not somebody who like came to stay at our place or you know, like that, again, expected, but just like a random person in the water who lives in South Africa, like what the hell? It's crazy.

Speaker 1 2:27

Amazing. Amazing. So we love that.

Speaker 4 2:30

Yes. So please always come say hi to us. And if you can't say hi to us in the wild, then say hi to us online.

Speaker 1 2:35

Yeah, we love it. It makes us feel great. Yes. And it's fun to connect with you guys. So we love it. So it's my turn to lead today. Yes. Did you know that?

Speaker 4 2:46

Yeah.

Speaker 1 2:46

Well, cool. Are you excited?

Speaker 4 2:48

Yes.

Speaker 1 2:49

Okay, today we're gonna play a game called cheating or no.

Speaker 4 2:53

Okay.

Speaker 1 2:54

Okay. You ready for this?

unknown 2:56

Yeah.

Speaker 1 2:56

I'm gonna give you some scenarios. How many different ways are you gonna ask me? Yeah, you're gonna be. I am ready. Okay, well, I don't know if you are. So, all right, tell me if this is cheating or not. Creating a shared playlist just for you two. Oh.

Speaker 4 3:11

I mean, it's inappropriate, but not cheating. I'm just gonna answer super fast because I know we're gonna get more deep into this.

Speaker 1 3:19

Watching porn without your partner.

Speaker 4 3:21

No.

Speaker 1 3:22

Definitely not. Following and liking a ton of pics of hot social media women.

Speaker 4 3:28

Again, it's shady, but I personally wouldn't think it's cheating, but it would be a red flag. There probably are a cheater, yeah.

Speaker 1 3:35

DMing with someone else and not telling your partner about it, even if it's not anything sexual or suggestive.

Speaker 4 3:42

Um, I mean, like DMing, I'm assuming it has there has to be some vibes, because it's of course, like both of us DM people and don't tell each other every single time.

Speaker 1 3:53

Yeah, I don't tell you who I'm DMing with.

Speaker 4 3:56

I think it's like you know, if there's a vibe, then it's wrong, yeah.

Speaker 1 4:01

Getting nudes from someone even if you didn't ask for them. That's so violating.

Speaker 4 4:06

Right. I guess the context is like, okay, are you someone who is online and you're getting dick pics from random people? And that's like definitely not asked for, or is it somebody Does that happen to you? Not since being with you, I don't think. I don't check the request folder. So just anybody else. It's dangerous in there. If you've sent me a DM and you're in the request folder, that's why, because it's a scary, scary place. Sending nudes to someone else. Uh I mean, it's like cheating. It's definitely wrong. But I don't know if I'd say cheating personally.

Speaker 1 4:43

That's definitely cheating.

Speaker 4 4:44

Okay. Yeah. Sending naked pictures to someone else. It's a betrayal and everything, but to me, it's just not like cheating.

Speaker 1 4:52

Kissing during truth or dare.

Speaker 4 4:55

Are we 12? Like what? When are we playing truth or dare? Who the hell is playing? I mean, okay. But it reminds me of Love Island, where they're like, well, it's always back to Love Island. Where they're like, it was in a challenge, so it didn't count. It's like that vibe. So if you were like playing a drinking game, maybe not truth or dare.

Speaker 1 5:13

But what if that's like your excuse excuse to be able to kiss somebody that you're doing?

Speaker 4 5:17

I would still, if I was dating someone, I would say, please don't kiss other people, period. The end. I don't give a shit if it's a game or not.

Speaker 1 5:25

Noted.

Speaker 4 5:26

Okay. We're not dating, first of all. We're married. So welcome to the show. It's called Wives. Not girlfriend.

Speaker 1 5:33

So I can't make out with somebody if we play truth or dare.

Speaker 4 5:35

Can you stop? Don't even get me started right now.

Speaker 1 5:39

Get you going. Okay. Making out when blacked out drunk.

Speaker 2 5:46

Definitely not cheating, no.

Speaker 4 5:47

I'm kidding.

Speaker 1 5:48

If I don't remember it, then it didn't happen.

Speaker 4 5:51

Right. I mean it's cheating, but you know, at least it wasn't as intentional.

Speaker 2 5:56

Yeah.

Speaker 4 5:56

I do think there's a no, I do think there's a difference personally, but I'm sure we'll get into that with the story. So Okay.

Speaker 1 6:03

Flirting in person or over the phone, even if nothing physical happens.

Speaker 4 6:10

Um I think I would need to understand more about the flirting. Because there's levels of flirting, you know?

Speaker 1 6:18

Yeah. I think you can like totally flirt with people and not be a big deal. But then I've also had people, I was in relationships flirt with other people, and it was like crossing lines I did not feel comfortable with.

Speaker 4 6:29

That's the hard thing with flirting, is it's so ambiguous. So it's like, so then what's the line of saying you can flirt this way but not this way? Exactly. But it is that to me, that's how it feels, where it's like, yeah, sometimes it is fine and sometimes no.

Speaker 1 6:42

What about thinking? Throw back to Tasha and L word.

Speaker 4 6:46

Thinking is cheating. No, I don't think that. Obviously, I don't even think sending nudes is cheating. So Honey! Who are you sending nudes to? That doesn't mean I'm sending nudes.

Speaker 1 6:58

You send in nudes to our dogs. Okay.

Speaker 4 7:00

Honey. Okay.

Speaker 1 7:02

Sorry. That's I'm obsessed with my dogs. Too much. Okay, let's get into some stories. We're gonna talk about cheating stories today.

Speaker 4 7:09

Yes, because we asked for your submissions of cheating stories. You delivered, to say the least.

Speaker 1 7:17

We got a lot of submissions.

Speaker 4 7:18

We got a lot. We had to just kind of pick because some of them get a little bit repetitive, you know, where it's like, oh, the best friend, or they're like, was it cheating? Was it not? We were texting, you know, so they're and we kind of tried to incorporate that in the game even. But we chose our faves. Okay.

Speaker 1 7:35

Ready for the first one?

Speaker 4 7:36

Yes. Hi, wives. Hey. Hi.

Speaker 1 7:40

We didn't plan it. Hey, hey, how you doing? I think I cheated without meaning to. Oh, okay. I got really close with a coworker, daily texting, long lunches, sharing things I stopped sharing with my wife. Oof, that's a flag. Yeah. That's not good. It felt harmless until she told me she had feelings for me, and I realized I'd been waiting to hear it from her. Nothing physical happened, but the guilt feels the same. I don't know how to undo the emotional mess I created.

Speaker 4 8:08

Well, you start by stopping that relationship. I would say if it if that's not a relationship you want to pursue, and if it is a relationship you want to pursue, then end the relationship you're in first.

Speaker 1 8:23

Yeah, I think if you want to be with your wife, you gotta draw some ha hard boundaries.

Speaker 4 8:28

I also think personally there is a difference between, I mean, okay, this sounds really stupid. There's a difference between dating and marriage as far as like the level of commitment. For sure. And it it doesn't mean that, oh, if you're just dating, it's fine. If you kind of develop a work wife and you're I'm not saying that, but it's like it is even worse, I think, that you're married. Yeah. Versus just dating someone and then getting in this situation.

Speaker 1 8:52

For sure, yeah. And so if your marriage is still your priority and you want to be married, which you didn't say, but it sounds like it, then I think you need to put some boundaries around your relationship with your coworker. It's hard sometimes with a coworker because you do work together and like if you can't avoid that. Yeah, if you actually are like have to work with them in close proximity, it just means like, how about no lunches together? How about no texting?

Speaker 4 9:18

Like, there's no just no personal sex, yeah. Only talk about work sex.

Speaker 1 9:21

Yeah, just be present with them at work and and draw boundaries for anything non-work related.

Speaker 4 9:26

I would also be curious to know what they said when this person said they did have feelings for them. You know what I mean? Were they like me too? Or were they like, whoa, I'm married, you know? Because if you gave them any more of an opening than you already have, they're gonna go in. Why not?

Speaker 1 9:42

Do you think that this person should tell their wife?

Speaker 4 9:46

Oof. I mean, I prefer honesty personally, even if it is not ideal.

Speaker 1 9:58

But I agree.

Speaker 4 10:00

Sometimes I feel like with cheating that it's actually better to not tell the person because it's like feels like you're just let it be known that you're let it be known that I would like to know.

Speaker 1 10:10

Okay, but sometimes I feel like people are just like sharing it to kind of like relieve their own guilt. And it's like selfish, it's like selfish almost to tell them if you want to like stay with them and be with them. But in this situation, I think the part that stands out to me is you stopped sharing things that you used to with your wife, and that means that like you're denying her that connection. And I think it would just be a really like if you want to rebuild that connection that you had, like being like, hey, look, I realize like I've stopped sharing things with you, I've started sharing it outside of our marriage. I don't feel good about that, I feel guilty, whatever. But I want to rebuild that connection with you, and I want you to be that person that I share everything with. Yeah. And like use it as a way to kind of like rebuild because nothing physical did happen. I don't know. I think it's an opportunity to kind of like restart.

Speaker 4 11:06

Yeah, it's like you're creating intimacy with somebody else, even if nothing physical happened. We've talked about this so many times. We talked about it in the homoerotic relationship where it's like there can be intimacy between people. We had so much intimacy between us before we ever kissed. We already had fully fallen in love before we had ever kissed. So it's like intimacy transcends way past the physical. And sometimes the emotional intimacy is stronger, I think. Sometimes it depends.

Speaker 1 11:35

And I think that when nothing physical happens and you're building the emotional intimacy, it builds a lot of tension as well.

Speaker 4 11:42

Yeah.

Speaker 1 11:42

Really builds the tension.

Speaker 4 11:44

So yeah, I don't know. I mean, I think that I guess I see what you're saying in your case where you're like, okay, are you telling them to relieve yourself of the guilt, or are you telling them because you want to be honest and you want this fresh start? And or can you rebuild the intimacy with your existing partner, with your wife, and do that without telling them like why it got to that place, just like acknowledging the lack of intimacy that's there, of like, hey, I feel like we've been disconnected. Because that's probably not going to be a surprise to her. If you're feeling that, she probably feels disconnected too and just doesn't know why. And then it's like consciously deciding to, or I don't know, I think like if you are going to tell them, then understand too that there's always the risk that that could be a deal breaker and they're out, you know? So exactly. What I guess the thing is is cheating is always selfish, so it's like a selfish decision has already happened. I think it's also good, honestly, that you feel guilty. Guilt just means that you have a conscience. That's always a good sign.

Speaker 1 12:52

I know.

Speaker 4 12:52

You know, when people are trying to like justify it and they're like, well, it wasn't that bad because nothing physical h you know, it's like, okay, well, then you're not even in the realm of taking responsibility. But it's like you feel guilty, you feel responsible. Those are all good things because that means now you can like do something about it.

Speaker 1 13:07

Yeah. I think in this situation I would be honest and just like as honest as you want to, but like just to be just because it's like it it seems like you got close with the coworker because the connection with your wife was starting to lack. And if you lean back into that, like I think it would be helpful to explain like why that happened and you know what you're hoping to rebuild with the marriage. Yeah. If if the marriage is what you want. So I don't know. We'll see what this person does. Yeah. Okay. On the next one. Hi, wives. Hello. Hello. The night before my wedding. You're already stressed. My maid of honor, my best friend.

Speaker 2 13:50

Not the maid of honor.

Speaker 1 13:51

Got drunk and told me she'd been in love with me for years. Then she kissed me and said, It should have been us. I pushed her away, but I haven't stopped thinking about it. Sounds like it. It should have been us. I married my partner the next day, smiling in photos while replaying that kiss and wondering if I married the wrong person.

Speaker 4 14:13

That's rough. I mean, I thought it was rough that our family members didn't come to our wedding, but I almost feel like that's worse.

Speaker 1 14:21

That's definitely worse. You know, where I don't want to, that's I don't want to ever have a doubt, like having doubts on your wedding day. Right.

Speaker 4 14:30

I guess the question is hard. It's like okay, I was just trying to think. I'm like, did they put that doubt in your head or was that already there? But then I think about let's say my best friend kissed me the night before our wedding. I wouldn't be like, did I make the wrong choice? I'd be like, that was fucking weird. Like, are you waiting for it? Why did you do that? Yeah, I wouldn't. So it's like if you're feeling that way, that is uh means something. I don't know. What exactly I don't know if it means you should be with that person. Because once again, cheating is selfish. So that was selfish of that person to do that to you on the night before your wedding. For sure. Um, again, my best friend's wedding. Like, why do you have to wait until that point? No one is recording this. This isn't a rom-com. Like, figure it out.

Speaker 1 15:15

I yeah, I think it's hard. Like, like you said, if you're you know, at your wedding and you're thinking about that and then like wondering or having doubts, like if you pick the wrong person, that's a that's a red flag to me, just because in general, like my experience has been that when you're with the right person, you don't have those doubts. So it's like now that that has now that this person has opened themselves up as a possibility, that's what's creating the doubt. That's a little bit tricky.

Speaker 4 15:46

Well, that's what I'm like, it that's the first time you had the doubt? Surely not, right? You couldn't there, I mean, I I couldn't imagine that like you never had any doubt up until that point because otherwise, right? That just seems crazy. I don't know. And then it's like, did you talk about it? I know, but what she said that what did you say after? Exactly. Like you pushed her away. Were you guys drinking, did they say?

Speaker 1 16:13

No. Which is right, because a friend was drunk.

Speaker 4 16:17

Yeah, because a rehearsal dinner usually people get a little loose. A little loosey-goosey. So yeah, I think I want to know what you said. I also would like to know how much time has passed since then. Because it's like, okay, was this last month? You can still get your marriage annulled. You know, things are you can annulled. Annulled.

Speaker 1 16:39

Isn't that like only if you're Catholic?

Speaker 4 16:41

I don't think so. No, no, it's like a legal thing where it it shows that you were never married at all. It's like your marriage is cancelled, like it's I don't know the reason.

Speaker 1 16:51

It's like it never happened.

Speaker 4 16:52

Yes. Yeah, I thought that was like a Catholic thing. Maybe maybe it originated there, but it also is a legal thing.

Speaker 1 17:00

Okay.

Speaker 4 17:00

Because wasn't I mean, there's been tons of celebrities who got their marriages annulled because they're and they're usually really short periods of time.

Speaker 1 17:08

Like 72 days.

Speaker 4 17:09

Like who was that? Kim K. Yes, I think that marriage was annulled. Or like I think maybe Brittany has had some annulled. I don't know, don't come for me. These could be wrong facts, but I know people have had them annulled. So I and they certainly are not Catholic to my knowledge.

Speaker 1 17:24

So I think it's really, really shitty of the best friend to do this to you.

Speaker 4 17:29

Super shitty.

Speaker 1 17:30

I like how my question is like, how are you even gonna stay friends with this person?

Speaker 4 17:35

Right.

Speaker 1 17:36

That's a whole separate thing to deal with. I think it's really shitty that she put you in that position of like kind of like ruining your wedding day, essentially, and your friends.

Speaker 4 17:47

Potentially your marriage.

Speaker 1 17:49

And your marriage and putting you in that position because she got drunk and had to let her feelings out. Like that's pretty shitty. And it's also like So I feel bad that you got put in this situation.

Speaker 4 18:01

And when you talked, presumably the next day soberly, was she kind of like, whoops, haha, or was it real? You know what I mean? Because I don't know. But I think again, if you have doubt, that's never a good sign. You can have for sure. When we got together, there were things where it was like, you know, I I especially for me, it was like I was coming out. There was like a lot of questions, and there was some fear, and you know, like there was unknown, but there was never doubt. Those are two different feelings.

Speaker 1 18:34

Do you think that this person cheated? Well, they kissed someone else, but she pushed her away. Do you think that she cheated?

Speaker 4 18:44

I would say no.

Speaker 1 18:45

I feel like she didn't cheat.

Speaker 4 18:47

No, but the feeling after is more important than the kiss.

Speaker 1 18:50

Do you feel like, okay, she didn't cheat, but what if she didn't tell her partner? Yeah, that is then that makes it feel like cheating.

Speaker 4 19:00

That just yes, that makes it feel like more of a betrayal because it's like you're protecting your friend more than your spouse. Right. And that's like that loyalty should always be number one. Your spouse.

Speaker 1 19:09

If your friend kissed you the night before your wedding and you pushed her off. Maggie, you pushed her off, and then was like, you know, like, whoa, and you know, like, what are you doing? And then told your partner about it. Right. I would be like, you didn't cheat.

Speaker 4 19:24

But if you hid that from your partner, I would say that's an in you're in a grave boundary line of like, well, yeah, you would hide it from your partner, even if you were like, whoa, that was okay. Let's say, like the situation I gave that, say Maggie, my best friend, kissed me the night before our wedding. She was Maggie. Also the officiant of our wedding, just to make it even crazier. Okay. But let's say she did, and I would be like, Why the fuck did you just kiss me, Maggie? That's weird. Like, I don't love you like that. I don't feel that. It doesn't create any doubt. But even still, so even if I didn't question anything and didn't whisper it in my ear. It should have been us. Like so creepy. But okay. And and so even if I felt nothing towards her but hid that from you, I'd be doing that because I I would know you would be like, well, that I feel a little uncomfortable around Maggie now. Like, why is she coming for my wedding?

Speaker 1 20:17

I don't want her to be officiating my wedding.

Speaker 4 20:19

Right. It's Maggie. Or, you know, or okay, yeah, I we might have to re-establish some boundaries or whatever it is. So it's like if you're hiding it, I think that's already not great. Even if you didn't feel anything for that person, but it makes it even worse if now you're questioning if you chose the right person. So I think what you really need to decide is who you want to be with. And then if you just if you still really don't know, then it I just don't think it's fair to stay with your spouse if you don't know. Not just if you don't know if you want to be with them, because I think that that can happen sometimes, but when there's no one else involved, it's different. When there's someone else involved, if you're like, I don't know if I want you or them, it's not really fair. I don't think it's fair to stay in a marriage. No.

Speaker 1 21:07

If you're if you're in a marriage, I get the conf kiss can be confusing, and you know, and you can sit with that and be in your marriage and be like, what the hell, you know, and like process that.

Speaker 4 21:18

But that's different than wondering if I chose the wrong person. I agree, you know? Because it's like if you're in a marriage and you know, things happen and you do become more disconnected or maybe even wonder if you're falling out of love. Hopefully that's not happening on day one of your marriage, but in a longer season, let's say, and you're like, oh, did I do I still want to be with this person? And you're usually both people are feeling that when the disconnection is there most of the time. It's like everyone can feel it. And if you're still deciding together if you want to be together, but there's no other people involved, fine. But if there's other people involved and you're like, who do I want to choose? It just feels I don't know.

Speaker 1 22:00

You shouldn't be figuring that out in a change in a marriage. Yeah, in a marriage. Yeah. I agree.

Speaker 4 22:04

Yeah.

Speaker 1 22:05

I agree.

Speaker 4 22:07

So good luck. Tell us what happens. Good luck.

Speaker 1 22:18

Okay. I was engaged to a man when I met a woman in my running group. We got too close too fast. Oh, yeah. Running group, scandalous. One night she kissed me goodbye and I kissed her back without thinking. I told myself it wasn't cheating because it was a girl. Then immediately knew that was a lie. I ended the engagement a month later because a kiss made me realize I wasn't living honestly.

Speaker 4 22:42

So this is just proof that the gays are hidden everywhere, and we are ready to jump out of the shadows and kiss you when you least expect it and turn you gay. Running groups aren't safe, hiking groups aren't safe, surfing certainly is not safe.

Speaker 1 22:57

Definitely not beach volleyball.

Speaker 4 22:58

Basically, any sport, there's gonna be a lesbo there waiting to kiss you. So I guess the conservatives are right.

Speaker 1 23:06

We are really See, this is what I was worried about. I didn't want to be perceived as a predator.

Speaker 4 23:11

Honey, I'm kidding.

Speaker 1 23:14

I'm just saying, it's like No, but when we were getting together, I really didn't want to be perceived as a predator. But yeah, sleep in the same bed with you.

Speaker 4 23:21

You are a little lesbian predator.

Speaker 1 23:23

Long sleeve shirt and long pants in 90-degree weather. Just because I didn't want to touch your skin.

Speaker 4 23:29

Yes, and then what happened when you touched it? I turned you gay. Yeah. But that's what I'm saying is we talked about this in the homoerotic episode, which this story could definitely go in that episode too. If you feel that opening in energy, it's not in your head. You know, like this person isn't just gonna kiss you to be like, I'm just gonna fuck with this girl and kiss her. It's because she felt there was something there between you. You know, most people. Definitely, and I would say even more so, women, we were even more sensitive to energy that way. It's like we're not gonna kiss someone that we don't think there's an opening there. No, so it's not literally predatory. That was just a joke.

Speaker 1 24:11

But I think it's interesting that she uh originally thought like it's not cheating because it was a girl.

Speaker 4 24:17

Well, this is the thing about misogyny is that it's it's in all of us and it's not always our fault. I think a lot of straight people feel that way. A lot of men feel that way. I think I mean a lot of women also feel that way, and or you said straight people. I thought you said straight men. Yeah. I mean, I told you it was like my ex-boyfriend used to say that to me because he knew that I was, you know, casually dating a girl before him, and I still had a crush on her when we got together, and he was like, Oh yeah, if you guys make out sometimes, like I don't care, I don't care. And I was like, Okay, great, great for me. But he would never allow me to do that with a guy that I used to casually date before him. If I was like, Do you care if we also make out sometimes on the dance floor? Like, what that would be ridiculous, like, you know. So I at the time also participated, also not realizing that that is misogyny, you know, where it's like, oh yeah, I guess it's not cheating. First of all, why does only he get to decide what's cheating and not when it's like I know the feeling I have is more than just like a drunk makeout? Like, I like it.

Speaker 1 25:28

Well, it's convenient for you, so that's why you let that happen.

Speaker 4 25:31

Right.

Speaker 1 25:32

Amazing.

Speaker 4 25:33

But yeah, I mean I think that feeling is normal, particularly when you have only been in straight relationships. Because two women being together is oftentimes very sexualized. If a woman is bi and she's dating men and she tells that guy she's bi, he's like, sick.

Speaker 1 25:48

Yeah. He's like stoked.

Speaker 4 25:50

Yeah.

Speaker 1 25:50

He's like, oh, three songs.

Speaker 4 25:52

He's like, oh, okay, cool.

Speaker 1 25:58

Perfect impression of a straight guy.

Speaker 4 26:03

So this is just because we always have to tie it back to some kind of trash reality TV. This time we're going Vanderpump. So you know how Sheena also came out as bi at some point? Or I don't know if she called herself bi, but she's like dated women. And she used to, she was like dating a chick, I guess, before she was with Brock. It wasn't public. She talked about it after. And he's like, oh, cool. No, so Brock, by the way, Brock sucks. I am not a Brock fan, but what I will say, I was actually impressed by this because Sheena did still sometimes make out with girls when they first got together, and he's like, ugh, you know, doing the straight guy thing, like it's fine. And then she made out with, I forget, I want to say it was like Dana, the the Dana girl from Vanderpump. Yeah. Or someone like that. If it wasn't Dana, I don't know. And Brock finally was like, he got jealous, which I honestly think is a good thing where it's like, yes, because you see her as just as as much of a threat to you as a dude. And he's like, look, I don't want you doing that anymore.

Speaker 1 27:08

Yeah.

Speaker 4 27:09

And I'm like, I like good job. Respect. I mean, you suck at everything else, Brock, but but fair enough. Yeah.

Speaker 1 27:15

Fair enough.

Speaker 4 27:16

Right. It's like you should. By the way, how many people are leaving their husbands and boyfriends for women now? You should be way more threatened by a lesbian than some dude who's doing the ooh sound. You know what I mean? Come on.

Speaker 27:38

I don't know why that makes you laugh so hard.

Speaker 1 27:40

I cry every time. Oh, that's great. Well, I'm happy that you left your engagement because you realize like you weren't being as honest with yourself around your sexuality. And hopefully that means that you went off to explore.

Speaker 4 27:52

Like this feels like the most self-aware, you know, and you reflected on it, you're super honest about it, and then you you made the right decision for you, even though it was hard and pro even just like logistically hard with breaking off engagements or weddings, because there's so much money tied into it, too. Yeah, I think that can be a deterrent for people sometimes. Absolutely. So I think, you know, you made the right choice, and we're proud of you, and yay for now being a baby gay. Welcome.

Speaker 1 28:19

Okay, we have time for maybe one or two stories. Let's see. Um, okay. I found out my girlfriend wasn't just cheating, she was basically living a second relationship, like a dual life situation.

Speaker 4 28:31

Like she didn't just cheat, like make out, she probably was like in a whole relationship.

Speaker 1 28:36

I opened her car trunk to grab my jacket and found a tote bag stuffed with clothes I'd never seen. Oh god, this sounds like a serial killer. A toothbrush and a pair of sandals in someone else's size. At first I thought she was lending things to a friend until I noticed a handwritten note tucked into the pocket that said, Last night was perfect. Can't wait for our next weekend. It wasn't signed, but the handwriting matched the woman she swore was just a coworker she barely talks to. How do you know your co-worker's handwriting? You imagine if you knew my co-worker's handwriting? This wait.

Speaker 4 29:10

This is some Snowden shit. Again, these are her little gay. Yes, our little gay Carmen San Diego's. They know the handwriting. They can try. They're like, I don't need an air tag, I know exactly where you live already.

Speaker 1 29:23

When I confronted her, she didn't deny it. She just said, I didn't think I had to choose.

Speaker 4 29:29

What? So she was like, I'm not monogamous, you are, basically.

Speaker 1 29:35

I don't understand. I left that night. She still texts me like we're soulmates in some open love fever dream, but I'm done being half of her double life.

Speaker 4 29:46

Your face. Okay, so I think how did this situation happen? I think it sounds like more of a this person perhaps identifies as Polly and doesn't even realize it and just assumes that other people feel that way too. If they're saying I didn't think I had to choose, I mean, like, how early on in your relationship is this?

Speaker 1 30:09

Like, is this early still?

Speaker 4 30:10

Because like But I think it's a lot. There's nothing wrong with being Polly, but you have to disclose that and decide together if you're both gonna be Polly or not. Well, if one person wants to be and the other person doesn't, but the other person you like you gotta have those conversations together.

Speaker 1 30:28

You know what it reminds me of is the chapel run song casual. It's like, is this is it casual yet? You know, it's casual now. It's like, how serious is this situation?

Speaker 4 30:37

Like you've got the parents, like wait, did it say at the beginning how serious they were? No, it just says like just a girlfriend, but like But a girlfriend is serious because think about how many steps it takes to be a girlfriend now. It's like we're talking, we're dating, now we're exclusive.

Speaker 1 30:57

Then your girlfriend And we're in a relationship.

Speaker 4 31:00

No girlfriends.

Speaker 1 31:02

Yeah, okay.

Speaker 4 31:03

Yeah, I thought you were saying that was a separate step before. But but there's so many steps to get to girlfriends.

Speaker 1 31:09

So if you're a girlfriend, that indicates how many days did it take to get to girlfriend status, honey?

Speaker 4 31:14

You mean hours? Yes. It was about 36.

Speaker 1 31:18

36 days?

Speaker 4 31:19

36 hours. Oh yeah. I was like 36 days now.

Speaker 1 31:25

We're gonna dog by that point.

Speaker 4 31:28

We had already bought a house, merged finances. Oh, I think it was like three days. That's 36 hours. You're supposed to be the mathematician here.

Speaker 31:44

In my head. You were supposed to be the mathematician.

Speaker 4 31:49

In my head, it's three. Okay.

Speaker 1 31:55

I mean, that was bad.

Speaker 4 31:57

I don't do numbers, okay?

Speaker 1 32:00

There's 24 hours in a day, not 12.

Speaker 4 32:02

Thanks for setting me up to fail publicly.

Speaker 1 32:07

That's amazing.

Speaker 4 32:08

Yep, okay. So back to this person. Again, you made the right choice. You are entitled. If you don't want that, I'm glad that you left. I'm glad you it's good.

Speaker 1 32:18

You have strong boundaries.

Speaker 4 32:19

Like you're in a you're in a close relationship.

Speaker 1 32:22

You don't want to be living in the world.

Speaker 4 32:23

But I would also say double life. You could strengthen the boundary by either blocking them or I don't know if you've explicitly told them, please stop contacting.

Speaker 1 32:31

Oh my god, this is like my ex-girlfriend. Just like texting me for like four years.

Speaker 4 32:36

She's probably gonna text you tomorrow on Christmas. Oh my god. No, she hasn't texted in a long time. I know. Well, yeah, ever since. Well, did I block her?

Speaker 1 32:43

Is that why? I don't know. I can't remember.

Speaker 4 32:45

No, but you finally threatened to.

Speaker 1 32:47

Well, I think I did block her on Instagram and stuff, just not on text.

Speaker 4 32:50

You just said, like, if you don't stop, because you had already asked, like, you need to stop. I don't want it to get to that point of needing to block you, but it's like if someone can't respect the stop, then you have to stop them. Um, because I agree.

Speaker 1 33:03

I think you still text me like we're soulmates. Like, okay, are you engaging with that? Yeah, are you engaging? Because otherwise you're kind of like you're leaving your heart open to something that really should be closed off by this point.

Speaker 4 33:16

But it's also, okay, to be fair, it is hard to just go the full no contact. I'm sure it probably feels kind of good to know that they still care about you. You know what I mean? Do they still care about you? Right. No, I know, but it's just like it feeds that part of you that knows, like, okay, at least they didn't just go and date this person. Yeah, you're still wanted.

Speaker 1 33:34

Yeah, everybody likes to feel that.

Speaker 4 33:35

Everybody likes that, which is normal. For sure. But cut her off. Yeah, it just because there's just a clear incompatibility here. Not only did this happen, but she's like, oh, I didn't know I had to choose. Yeah. How? How will that ever work? How?

Speaker 1 33:52

Okay, we have one more story.

Speaker 4 33:53

Okay.

Speaker 1 33:54

Hi, I love being a sister wife.

Speaker 4 33:57

We why did you look at me like that? We love having you. And by the way, they did vote yes for sister wives. Did they really? They did.

Speaker 1 34:05

I love that.

Speaker 4 34:06

Although, wait, just a side note. On the video, there was a clip where we're talking about, oh, we want to name our listeners sister wives. And there was just one comment under it. And so I thought it was going to be somebody maybe like suggesting another name. And all it said was manspreading, all one word. And I was like, that's what they want to be called? Is like manspreading. That's fucking weird. What's manspreading? It's the position you were in. You were sitting with your legs so open in the video. They were calling out your manspreading. Oh.

Speaker 1 34:41

And I feel self-conscious. What do you mean? Just like the way I sit like with my legs open. Like sitting, you were like sitting like this.

unknown 34:48

Yeah.

Speaker 4 34:48

Whatever. So if you're watching the YouTube, you could have seen me manspread. But um, I just thought it was funny because I thought that that's what they wanted to be called as a listener was manspreaders. What a name. Wow. So we can we can go back to the drawing board, you guys, if you want. Amazing. Okay.

Speaker 1 35:11

Okay. So I was dating a girl for a few months, and even though we weren't official yet, it definitely seemed like we were. We stayed with each other for it was wow. We stayed with each other six to seven nights a week, and we were only hooking up with each other. Or so I thought. The thing is, she's in the public eye and already had a few big public relationships and breakups, so I knew she was hesitant to get into another one. Didn't seem like a red flag because she always told me how it was different with me and how much she liked me, so I felt super secure. I should also mention I was a baby gay at the time and she was the first woman I'd ever been with. This is sounding familiar. Again, this made me feel more secure because I figured she'd kind of lead the way with her decades of experience. I trusted her fully. Then one night we went out with a bunch of her friends to a bar. I didn't have a purse, so I asked if she could carry my phone, which was normal because obviously we'd go home together at the end of the night, right? Wrong. I know where this is going. Obviously the bar was busy and we were both mingling, so at some point I lost sight of her and didn't think much of it. Until I didn't see her again for the rest of the night because she left the bar not only with my phone in her back pocket, but also with her ex-girlfriend. Oh yikes. Have you heard this story before? I think I have. I knew about it right away and it destroyed me, but the worst part wasn't just what she did, but the fact that she kept saying it wasn't really cheating because we weren't officially together yet. She also said if I couldn't she also said if I couldn't get over it, then we were never going to work. Sadly I took the bait and we ended up dating for a year. It shouldn't have been a surprise that she broke up with me by ghosting me again.

Speaker 4 36:47

Okay, I know where this is.

Speaker 1 36:49

But I guess I had to learn my lesson the hard way that women can be just as big of fuckboys as guys. Yep. In case you can't tell, this isn't my story. It's a throwback to Becca Moore Shane of every scandal. Because when you ask for juicy cheating stories, this is the first one to come to mind.

Speaker 4 37:04

That's hilarious, actually. And it is it is a juicy cheating story. But it also begs the question like, was it really cheating if you didn't have the label on it? Which is the age-old question. It's still cheating. Ross and Rachel. We were on a break. Like it's that. We weren't exclusive.

Speaker 1 37:23

You're still cheating on me.

Speaker 4 37:24

Right. Because we But you weren't being honest about it. Well, I don't know in their situation.

Speaker 1 37:31

If I don't know how I don't know My thing is like, if you're not exclusive with somebody, like, and you haven't had the talk and you've said, like, hey, we're not yet exclusive. Just so you know, I am dating other people. Just so you know, I am doing whatever. XYZ, we're not there yet. If you're not okay with that, cool, we'll get it. But like if you're hiding it or whatnot, like I think that's kind of shitty.

Speaker 4 37:54

Right. And yeah, it's it's like it's totally okay to not be exclusive. It's totally okay to be like, hey, I'm I'm I'm enjoying being single right now. I don't really want to be fully committed. But then even I don't know, even still though, there's something that is just like salt in the wound to you're going out with one person and leaving with another. That's that to me is too much, even for not being exclusive, right? Right? Yeah. Because it's diabolical. Because that it's like that's just mean. I don't know. I mean, it's all of it is mean, but it's like that's it's one thing to be like, I'm not exclusive. I am dating you on Wednesday and dating someone else on Thursday. Fine. But the same night you go, you're holding my phone, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 38:42

It's crazy behavior, Shannon.

Speaker 4 38:44

But then you can say it's always back to Shannon Beverage. But then it's like you could say, I'm just I'm pretending like this isn't Shannon and this is just like I know you're somebody. Because the thing is, it's not just Shannon. Do you know how many fucking people have done this?

Speaker 1 39:01

I've done something almost exact same. Exactly.

Speaker 4 39:03

So many, I mean, I and we should have probably prefaced this entire episode by saying both of us have cheated on people before. We've been cheated on, like we're not by any means perfect, particularly me. I'm probably very bad. I couldn't think of the right way to say it. I'm very, very bad.

Speaker 1 39:27

Bad girl. But you're not getting any Christmas presents this year.

Speaker 4 39:34

So, so yeah, I'm saying it generally because it isn't just Shannon. It's like we've already gone over the Shannon and Becca stuff. If you haven't listened to that episode, please do. It is iconic, so entertaining.

Speaker 1 39:45

So good.

Speaker 4 39:46

But seriously, it's just like it is very convenient, which I have used that convenience as well to be like, well, we weren't official yet. So it wasn't really there's like all these little loopholes, and it's Like, dude.

Speaker 1 40:00

You're just gonna make your partner feel insecure once you are officially together. Yes, and now you see it seems like it's just tainted.

Speaker 4 40:05

Yes, it's tainted. Now you have this weird anxious attachment style happening once you are together.

Speaker 1 40:11

It's it's just what we would call no bueno here.

Speaker 4 40:14

Okay. Yeah. So I would say try to avoid that. Yeah. And no bueno. Those were really good.

Speaker 1 40:22

Yeah, those are amazing. I love talking about cheating stories. Who is your problem this week?

Speaker 4 40:34

That's what I have to look for. Okay, do you want me to start while you blow it up?

Speaker 1 40:38

Okay. Um, all right, so I'm gonna share a cheating story, and I want you to decide who's the problem in this story. It's you. It might be. It might be me, okay? So when I was kind of a relatively newly gay, I um I had only really had one major relationship, and uh it didn't end well. I think we've shared a little bit about it, but she was like my first big love. So I still, even though like I had moved on and I was out dating and hooking up with other people, like she was still kind of like always on my mind because she was like my first big love. And we would kind of like reconnect every now and again and like hook up and whatever. It was you know kind of messy. But I I started dating this girl, and um but before we had started dating, uh, my ex-girlfriend had moved back to Italy to go do her master's program, and she and I had started talking again, and I was gonna go and visit her, and so I'd like bought tickets to go and visit her. We were just like, it was still a kind of like a hookup situation, but like with the possibility that we could get back together. And so this was like, let's say end of January, and I'm supposed to go at the start of March, and I start hanging out with this girl in Minneapolis. A new girl. Yeah. Which she and I kind of like to be. Well, I'm saying different than the next girl. Different than the next girl. Start hanging out with the new girl in Minneapolis. Things start to escalate through February, right before my trip. The night before my trip, we I go to like she and I had been hooking up for like a month. I night before I go to leave for the trip, she asked me to be her girlfriend.

unknown 42:20

Okay.

Speaker 4 42:20

And she knows you're going on this trip to see this girl.

Speaker 1 42:23

Exactly. She knows all about the girl. So she basically asked me to be her girlfriend. To lock it in. To lock it in, because she knows I'm gonna go and be spending like 10 days with this girl. So I said yes. And I went to Italy and I hooked up with my ex-girlfriend the whole time. And I felt really guilty about it the whole time. It kind of like ruined the experience of like hooking up with my ex-girlfriend. That must be so hard for you. Because I did feel guilty. Oh my god, honey, are you okay? And I felt so guilty that I cut my trip short by three days and I flew back home early because I was like, okay, I know I'm doing something bad. Because you were. I get home and my girlfriend's supposed to pick me up at the airport, she doesn't show up. And I'm like, what the hell? Turns out she's so guilty and having so much anxiety because she cheated on me while I was gone. And like took had took an anxiety pill and like fell asleep, so she never picked me up. So I'm like, what the hell? So this was a matter of seven days, by the way. Seven days.

Speaker 4 43:28

Don't ask me how many hours that is.

Speaker 1 43:30

So I take a cab back from the airport. I'm like, dude, why didn't you pick me up? Don't hear from her till the next day. Go over to her house the next day, and she's like, I met someone else, like blah, blah, blah. I hooked up with somebody else. I never I never told her that I like hooked up with my ex-girlfriend the whole time because I was so like, this is bullshit. Like, I'm not telling you. Okay. So I want to know who's the problem. What? Who's the problem? Is it me? Did you stay in it?

Speaker 4 43:55

You didn't stay in a relationship. Because she started dating the other people.

Speaker 1 43:58

She started dating somebody else, the girl that she hooked up with. So broke up.

Speaker 4 44:01

So she said, I hooked up with somebody else and I want to date her now. I can't be with you. Yes. Then that is fine to not tell her.

Speaker 1 44:07

Yeah, I didn't tell her. So who's the problem? Me?

Speaker 4 44:10

For You're both toxic as fuck. I don't know what you want me to say. Neither one of you are great. I think it is.

Speaker 1 44:19

This is me at 23. Okay. Okay. Great.

Speaker 4 44:22

Good times. It is. I feel okay. I'm not just saying this because you're my wife and I'm choosing your side, but I do feel like it's worse that she was the one that went out of her way to lock it down, which is fine. Like, I would, if you want that, I get it. Shoot your shot. But then it's like, but then, and it was seven days. Like, this isn't like you were gone for a month or two months. This is seven days. She hooked up with a girlfriend three days later.

Speaker 1 44:46

Three days later. I'm like, you're the problem. I feel like that's you're the problem. Like, you should have never asked me to be your girlfriend, first of all, because you literally only did it to prevent me from hooking up with somebody else, and three days later, you're hooking up with somebody else, and now are in a relationship. What? How is that even possible? Okay, so I feel like I'm not the problem.

Speaker 4 45:07

Well, I should also say that she is now married to this person. She is. So sometimes it's like, you know, you'd when you find your one, it's unexpected. Like, you know, maybe it was one of those things, but still, yeah. I don't know. That's you guys.

Speaker 1 45:24

This is the only time I cheated on somebody. And so I'm like, did I even cheat?

Speaker 4 45:28

Don't even cheat. Did I? Did I even cheat? To poop hole loophole it. Whatever. No, that's still cheating. She said, Will you be my girlfriend? You said yes. The next day later, you were like balls deep in someone else. So that's cheating. Okay?

Speaker 2 45:46

Whatever.

Speaker 4 45:47

Okay, so my who's the problem also on cheating theme. Who is the problem? Is it staying with the cheater? So knowing that they cheated on you and staying with them or the cheater themselves?

Speaker 1 45:59

The cheater themselves.

Speaker 4 46:01

So if you stay with a cheater and then they cheat again and again and again and you keep staying with them. Well, I think there's a threshold, but if it's like one time, I think and they never so if they cheat one time, you stay with them and they never cheat again, cheater themselves. Yeah. If they cheat one time, you stay with them and then they cheat again, then who's the problem?

Speaker 1 46:20

Like if if somebody cheated on you like seven times and you're still with them, I think that's on you, bruh. I think even twice.

Speaker 4 46:26

I think honestly, if it's like I I agree one time is there's an openness there where it's like maybe we could work through this. Okay, you stay with them, but then if they do it again and you stay again, to me that's that's on you. Personally.

Speaker 1 46:43

If you stay a s another time. Yes. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. But if they cheat a second time and you leave, right? It's still on them.

Speaker 4 46:50

I mean, yeah. Well, I don't know. I I get yes, it's still on them. Because it's still, it would be, you know, I think you would beat yourself up enough to where you'd be like, I I knew I should have laughed. I knew I should have laughed.

Speaker 3 47:05

Cheating. Cheating. Oh. Nothing like bringing in the new year with some positive cheating vibes.

Speaker 1 47:14

I really loved hearing the stories though.

Speaker 4 47:16

Yeah, I'm sure we could do this one again because there are many stories to share. Yeah. That was great. Yeah, we love you guys. We'll see you again next week. Bye. Thank you so much for listening to the show. We're so happy to have you here. Make sure to subscribe, rate, and review wherever you're listening to podcasts. We love getting commentary from you on Spotify and on YouTube. And as always, if you love this episode or any of our episodes, make sure to share it with a friend or somebody who will appreciate the conversation.

Speaker 1 47:50

And make sure to follow us on all our socials at WivesNot Sisters Pod on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. Thanks, guys. See you next week.