E 222 Stress-Proofing the Holidays: A Teen's Survival Guide

🎄 Feeling the Holiday Pressure? Teen Mental Health Survival Guide 🌟

The holidays aren't always magical - especially for teens. In this episode, I'm breaking down the REAL sources of holiday stress that most people don't talk about. From academic pressure to family gatherings, social media, and emotional overwhelm, we're diving deep into what teens actually experience during this "most wonderful time of the year."

🔍 What You'll Learn:

Hidden sources of teen holiday anxiety
Red flags to watch for in your teen's mental health
Practical strategies to support your family
How to create healthy boundaries during the holiday season

💡 Key Topics Covered:

Disrupted routines and schedule stress
Academic pressure during breaks
Social and romantic relationship challenges
Financial and family expectations
Substance abuse and social gathering triggers
Post-holiday blues

👥 Perfect for:

Parents of teens
Educators
School counselors
Anyone supporting young people


#TeenMentalHealth #HolidayStress #ParentingTips #mentalhealthawareness 

📆 Want more support? ccoufal@cynthiacoufalcoaching.com

DISCLAIMER: This information is for educational purposes. If you or someone you know is struggling, please seek professional mental health support.

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Email me: ccoufal@cynthiacoufalcoaching.com
Text me: 785-380-2064
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Transcript

Hi, thank you for joining me for the teen anxiety Maze. You know, the holidays are supposed to be a joyful time, but for many teens and many families, It's also a source of stress. And really, if you think about it, we all have some stress and anxiety during the holidays because there's a lot of expectations. And a lot of things that are changed about our schedule. And just, there's just so many things that are different. 

And any time we have a lot of those changes. We can really feel it. So I wanted to talk about that today. I know. When I. I think first became an adult. And people talked about. 

The holidays. You know, not being. Fun and exciting and great. I kept, I did not know what they were talking about and I think I was just thinking about it from a child. My family. You know, had a nice Christmas. We didn't have a lot of these [00:01:00] stressors and people didn't have. I don't know, probably, you know, like my family was nice. 

It was just my sister and I with my parents on Christmas and Santa Claus came and we got presents and I don't know, I just, there was nothing. Stressful or bad about it. And so I really didn't understand it, but after. Working with so many young people in their families. And there's just so many reasons why. The holidays could be stressful. 

And so I want to be able to talk about that. No matter what kind of stress you're experiencing during the holidays. 

So I want to talk about some of the reasons why people have stress and anxiety. During the holidays in case you don't know what some of these things are because I didn't. Well, certainly I didn't know what some of them were or didn't think about them, but one of them is it's just the changes in routine. A lot of people like a routine. 

And now that I'm older, I definitely liked to have a routine. I'd [00:02:00] like it, when it changes, I love the holidays to do something different. But if my schedule was disrupted that much Regularly, it would be upsetting to me. And some. Some of our some of our kids and some of the adults really need a lot of structure with scheduling. And so when our schedule is getting messed up all the time, And we don't have school during that time. 

So then we don't have something to take up a lot of our time. The mealtime might be an altered time from when we normally do. Cause you have to have it at a certain time that everyone can attend and things like that. So just all of that. And then, then our teens, our people, our kids at home. Can't really predict what's going to happen next. 

And that can cause some stress and anxiety. And then.

If they get upset, then of course the parents start experiencing some stress and anxiety about that too. 

There's also academic pressure and it isn't. [00:03:00] Necessarily academic pressure during the break. Though, I'm sure that that is the case sometimes like sometimes you're just coming off of finals, which. Is stressful and you're kind of like, oh, thank goodness that's over, but maybe they're worried all through the break. 

Oh my gosh. What if I didn't pass that class? Because they don't know for sure. Maybe. How they did before school ended. I know in working in the public education system for 31 years, that there were kids that needed to do makeup work during the break because of things that didn't get done during the fall semester. 

So that can be stressful because they probably don't want to do it if they didn't want to do it. Before, they really don't want to do it during the break and their parents are getting mad at them and people are yelling and getting upset about that. And I remember one. One holiday break. That we'd had a lot of snow days, or maybe we had snow or ice days. Like [00:04:00] on the final stays. 

So then the finals didn't happen until after the break. And so then kids that normally would have had it over with, had to think about it, the whole break. So there's all sorts of different ways. And I'm guessing if maybe you had trimesters at your school, it's possible that you don't have finals before, so you might be thinking about them during the break too. 

So. Lots of things. Academic pressure was not something I actually thought about because I'm like, oh, well they're not in school, but yeah, there's a lot of reasons why that could be the case. And then there's social pressures. So there's usually like a lot of parties to go to. If you don't really like a lot of people in chaos, but you have to be going to all these holiday get togethers that can be. Difficult. 

And then when COVID came, there was the fear of spreading disease. And this year I hadn't really thought about it that much, but then I was looking at old pictures [00:05:00] and I remember. In 2020. People weren't gathering in large groups, but I remember we had my mom come. To have a dinner with us. And I felt so guilty because I was thinking, oh my gosh, what if she gets sick? 

And. You know, what if it's my fault that she gets sick and. I was just thinking about how we were so worried. About getting together. And and I don't think about it as much, but then of course, anytime you have a large gathering, you know, people can get sick. So there is. Concerned about that. 

If you have Immune. Suppressed people in your family or, or people who are older or babies sometimes, you know, that can be kind of tricky if you're worried about that, and then there's also like the extended family that maybe you don't really like very much or that. Talks about things you don't want to talk about. So there's all of that. 

Like the worry of what's it going to be like, and then when you're [00:06:00] actually in it I remember one. Christmas time. I don't know if it, I don't think it was Christmas day, but we were at some kind of get together with some part of the family that was not very nice. And my daughter and I were hiding in the bathroom because we could not stand to hear any more of the stuff. 

And. You know, we kind of laughed about it and like made light of it, but it, it was, I mean, it's stressful to have to like deal with that kind of stuff. So there's. That. And then. Another one. When I was thinking about social that this article brought up was. About romantic relationships. And then I was like, oh yeah, I remember in high school. You know, if you mostly saw your romantic partner at school and then you don't have school for two weeks. It's like, oh no, I don't get to see that person. 

Or, you know, you don't get to see them as much. Maybe. And so that, you know, could be tricky or if you're in college and [00:07:00] you're going home, but your, you met your romantic partner. In college and they live in a different state or somewhere far away. And you're both going back to your homes. You know, missing that person during that time, when you're used to seeing them can be. Certainly difficult. 

I'm sure.

And then the financial strain of that now I think. Maybe teens and young people don't experience it as much because they're probably not the main person buying gifts for people, but it can't. I mean, maybe they do feel some pressure to buy certain things for people because. Their friends are, or their romantic partners spending money. 

And then they're like, oh no. Now I need to spend money. But on the family, there's the financial strain can be huge because. Gifts for people traveling places. If you're hosting the meal, there's a lot of food expenses. And I know I always used to worry around the holidays [00:08:00] as an adult. Like I want to make sure that I have enough money and I don't want to put. Too much of my credit card or things like that. 

And so families certainly are experiencing it. Have kids. Maybe aren't part of that. Then there is the food and body image. And again, I think this does play a part with teenagers and in college students. But maybe even more so. Adults who are trying to eat. A certain way, but now there's all this pressure to eat all this food or there's just food everywhere. 

And then you're trying to figure out how do I, how much of this food do I eat? I've always felt sorry for people who are diabetic. Where they really had to watch that kids who are diabetic and really have to watch that. And then here's all this food and candies and. You know, other people are partaking in it and you're not. 

And. It's really difficult in sometimes. Food is just a trigger for so many things for people. So that can be interesting. And then people who have [00:09:00] substance abuse problems now. That doesn't go away because of the holidays. If they have a problem, they have a problem. But I, I remember this in my young adult life where, because there's a lot of expectation of drinking. During these parties there's like, and because there's more parties than there's more drinking. 

And so people who. Again, probably have a problem. Any time, but especially when there's like lots of different reasons to be drinking at least as far as they're concerned, And like worrying about that. Or if you're somebody who recently has decided to give up alcohol or needs to not use alcohol, it's like recovering and then. Here's all this expectation to be drinking all the time. 

And I could see why someone would be like, I can't even go to these parties because I don't want to be. 

Somebody talking to me [00:10:00] about drinking or eating. I've I've been that person that has tried to eat healthy and then everyone's pushing food on you. I think people probably push alcohol on people too. And then there's the grief and loss piece that I now do experience because my dad has passed away. And it's been, I think it'll be 15 years this coming up summer, but I always miss him during this time because. He was just really fun on the holidays and he really enjoyed. He enjoyed the holidays and he enjoyed giving gifts and, and it's always sad when someone's not there anymore. 

And sometimes. It's a, you know, it's a fresh. IX. You know, like the person has just passed away and that almost makes it worse or maybe they passed away. During the holidays. So then you're reminded of that. During that time. And there's just that empty space there where somebody was there before. And so those definitely [00:11:00] can cause. Those kinds of problems. 

And then 

For teens, like. If there's a lot of, well, and there should be rural spot social media. I totally get it. I didn't think goodness have to do that. As a parent, but I see parents navigate it all the time where you have certain amount of screen time. And that's very healthy to have these boundaries, but then you have all this time off from school. And, you know, there's probably fighting about that. 

Like, well, you know, I'm just sitting here and I want to have more screen time, or maybe you want to give them more screen time, but then you feel guilty about it or. Or you just think who cares? I can't. Police all of this. And then there's just the pressure of trying to be the perfect parent. 

That's doing all the right things and trying to, you know, and you probably feel like you're ruining their life. If you, you. You know, don't police it sometimes, or you kind of go back and forth on things. And then there's the post holiday blues, which is very interesting. And I think this is something that [00:12:00] I had, I did experience as a kid where there's all this hype. About the day that, you know, Christmas day when Santa Claus comes and you get all the presents. And you get everything on wrapped and it's fun probably that day. 

You have all these new toys to play with. And then the next day it was like, oh, and you know, it was still kind of fun, but I mean, like there's nothing you feel like there's nothing to look forward to because the thing you look forward to is already over, and it's a whole nother year before you can look forward to that again. So I can see that too, where we get so worked up and excited about something and then it's over in the psych. 

Oh, now what I used to just get excited about going back to school, wearing my new clothes to school or. What new things was I going to do? Or even as a teacher and a counselor, I would think about, oh, this new semester, what new things can I do, which would always make it exciting to go back. 

So, how do you know if [00:13:00] your team is needing help during this time or that. Because we've talked a lot about how all this is normal. Like these are, everybody's getting anxious about these things. But how do you know if you maybe need to get some help or you need to go see your doctor? And those are times when your teen is just withdrawing from everything, staying in their room. 

They don't. They don't seem happy about anything. They're very irritable. And irritable and argumentative are teenage. Typical teenage to some extent, but if you're seeing more of that or they're just not getting engaged in anything that is being offered during the time. Then it's possible that you may need to step in and, and help them with that though. 

They don't always want that. Also changes in their sleep patterns. Now it's going to change a little bit because they don't have school. And I know in my home, my kids stayed up later and slept late on breaks and I was totally fine with that. [00:14:00] Because I wanted to do that too. Cause I was on a break from school as well, and I wanted to. Enjoy the extra time and the different kind of time that I could have. But they do, you know, you do need to keep it in check somewhat. 

You don't want them to totally be getting their days and nights mixed up just over a short break because of that's really hard to go back. Their eating habits, if they seem really different, that could be showing you that there's something else wrong. So just kind of check in with them and make sure that they're feeling okay. 

And. Allow them to have breaks from things like if there's a lot of things planned and they're not somebody who really deals well with a lot of chaos. You've got to give them some agency to choose some of the things that they're doing. Like maybe they don't go to every activity and that's okay. Because they're going to need that break. I really think communication is the biggest thing that you can do here. 

Just talk to them and don't tell [00:15:00] them what they're going to do or be mean to them about whatever they're feeling or thinking. Just listen to them. And ask them how things are going and just take in that information and then ask them. If there's something you can do to help. If they tell you something that you could do to help, then try to do whatever that is. Within reason, of course. And offer things like, you know, do you want me to help you create a schedule? 

I'm finding that with all my clients. If I just talk to them about a schedule and I let them create it, but I give them prompts and ideas about different things that they. You know, could do or how they could put it together. I always see relief. It's just like, oh, now I don't. Sometimes it's overwhelming to think about how do I schedule this, or how do I. Say no to this or that. 

So sat down with them and help them with that. If that's what they want. And how fun things and downtime. [00:16:00] And just like things that can help them rest and have self care, not just running around. Doing all the things. And as a parent, these are important for you too. Make sure that your getting physical activity in managing your own stress and anxiety and. Role model, how you're working through your own stress, stress and anxiety. Oh, I'm really. Kind of dreading this party, but I'm going to go and I'm going to, you know, do this, this and this. 

And then I'm just going to leave early because I do want to make an appearance there. And I do want to show my gratitude. To my coworkers or my friends are. Certain family members or whatever, but I'm not going to. Just stay there the whole time and just be miserable. And as you're talking through that, those are things that they could also do. 

Practice gratitude. 

Talk to your family, talk to your kids about what [00:17:00] are they happy about? What are, what are the things that are going well for them? What is good about the holidays? Even though there could be these other things. Because just having at least giving equal air time to good things. Even if there are some things that they are upset about or don't like, And just making sure that not only you're having healthy boundaries about things with your own family members and the things that are going on, but help your child. Have healthy boundaries as well, because we're the ones that need to be teaching this stuff. 

So. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. And I'm thinking of you and I'm sending you lots of love hugs. Two and positive thoughts and vibes so that you can have a good time and just be okay if everything's not perfect. I know I don't host very many, many events anymore. I know I used to be completely crazy and my kids would tell you that I was very [00:18:00] mean. Before. Because I wanted my house to look like no one lived in it. 

When people came and that's unrealistic. And now I have a house cleaner that comes once a month. And it's been almost a month that they've been here. And our get together is this weekend and my walking partner. Who is. Once to have a perfect house for her. Get together. She said, oh, are you going to have somebody come and clean ahead of time? 

And I said, Nope. We're just going to have it just the way it is and it's going to be fine and I'm not going to worry about it. And it's so freeing. My kids don't care. My grandkids don't care. If I have dust on the counter or. Like, they just want to see me and they want to eat grandpa. Dave's good food. And they don't care if something's on the floor or. So, you know, some of the expectations you've put on yourself, maybe you [00:19:00] can just let one or two of them go and see how freeing it is. 

So I'll talk to you soon.