E 230 Leaving the Nest: How to Face the Anxiety of Life After High School

Transitioning from high school into adulthood—whether it’s college, the workforce, or the military—can be overwhelming for teens and their families. In this episode, we tackle the anxiety that comes with these life-changing moments and provide practical strategies to move forward with confidence and resilience.

🔑 What You’ll Learn:

How to turn nervous energy into excitement for the future
Simple tools to manage anxiety during big transitions
Ways to build resilience and prepare for independence
Tips for parents to support their teens without adding pressure
Whether you’re a teen preparing for the next chapter or a parent wondering how to help, this episode is packed with actionable advice and encouragement to take the next step fearlessly.

🧠 About Cynthia Coufal:
Cynthia is a teen anxiety coach and host of The Teen Anxiety Maze. With 25 years of experience as a school counselor, she’s passionate about equipping teens and parents with the tools to navigate anxiety and thrive in their unique journeys.

🔔 Subscribe for more:
Don’t forget to Subscribe for weekly episodes on managing anxiety and thriving in life’s challenges and Rate and Review so more families can find us!

Find my podcast
Email me: ccoufal@cynthiacoufalcoaching.com
Text me: 785-380-2064
More information

Transcript

Hi, everyone. Thank you for joining me for the teen anxiety maze. I did a presentation a couple of months ago for a high school. And it was about adulting, and so I got to choose kind of what my topic would be as long as it was in the adulting realm, and I thought one of the really important things for, and these were juniors and seniors.

And I thought what would be really important for them to know is how to manage anxiety during transitions. And I really believe that the transition that we make from high school into adulthood is probably the hardest one. And so I want parents to know, like, how to How to manage this anxiety through this process.

But I want young people to know too. So this can be an episode that you can just take the information and help your teen through this. [00:01:00] You can use this information to manage your anxiety during transitions. And as I told these students, this is just the first of many transitions that we make. I'm still making transitions.

You know, right now I'm in the transitioning into grandparent hood. And transitioning, my mom is going to be 91 and so helping her in that part of her life and what that means for me as a transition as well. And. Retiring, but also having a full time job in a new, like owning this business. Like, so there's just so many different transitions that we're always going through.

And when I totally retire someday, that'll be another transition that I have to figure out. And sometimes we're affected by other people's transitions. So it's just something that's really important to know. So I wanted to share this. Information with [00:02:00] everyone and not just the students that I worked with during that, that day at that high school, which was really fun.

So if you were there that day I really enjoyed getting to know you. So I like to think about our life as the hero's journey. Now, if you have. You, a lot of people are familiar with the hero's journey because it's taught in English, whether that's high school English or college English, though, truthfully, I don't remember talking about it very much.

Maybe I wasn't listening that day, but it is something that's taught a lot because. I guess all storytelling, whether it's in movie form or written form, it follows a certain arc of the way and it's, it's, it's explained as the hero's journey by Joseph Campbell. He's the one that kind of came up with this and there's a lot of steps, but I want.

[00:03:00] Us to just think about a few of the steps as it pertains to that first transition from high school to adulthood. And so there is the ordinary world, like in a hero's journey. The hero starts out in an ordinary world and they just do regular things that we're we're all doing. And I am. Like in that original or that ordinary world in the child's first 18 years of life.

So they're at home, their parents are pretty much taking care of everything and helping them navigate life. And so that's like the ordinary world stage. And then the hero in the hero's journey of a story arc, they. Something happens that calls them to action or ask them to go on an adventure or they have a question that they [00:04:00] need to answer and it's calling them to go out into the world or into this scariness or into something to find the answer to slay the dragon to find the princess to whatever it is.

That they need to do in this story and that's that departure there and that's our 18 year olds leaving home. They're being called to an adventure and that adventure might be college. That adventure might just be going into the workforce. It might be going into the military. It might be getting married or whatever it is like something is calling them into this new adulting world and whatever they're going to do and they're leaving their home to do that.

And then while you're in that, like, after the hero goes off into this journey, they. Encounter all sorts of challenges and struggles and problems and the wicked, which and the dragon and the, [00:05:00] the evil, whatever, you know, like, there's like these things that happen to them and then they figure things out throughout the storyline.

And then they return home now. Sometimes our kids don't return home, but that initiation phase then is when. Our child is off into their adulting world, and then they have struggles and challenges and things that they have to figure out, which is normal, and everyone has to do that. So, right now, they're, the, the, those juniors and seniors in high school, or even if they're getting ready to graduate from college, that's another transition very similar to this, though not quite the same, is that Everything's been especially for the high school kids.

Everything has been taken care of. Decisions have been made by their parents. The school decides things and community decides things, and they just haven't really had a lot of chances to do their own [00:06:00] thing or make their own decisions or make their own phone calls or make their own appointments, which we shouldn't be letting them do while they're in high school.

And we all have different experiences about being at home, and I'm not saying that everyone's parents are perfect at this or that you've been completely taken care of. I understand that there are sometimes you have been fending for yourself for a long time because you had to, and that's kind of a different situation.

But even if that's the case, when you leave home, it's still going to be a big transition for you.

Then, the phase where you're leaving, where you graduate, you're stepping into the unknown, you're going to a place that you've never been before, whether it's a new job, a school. Sometimes you're staying home, but you're still doing something different after high school. So maybe you're not actually physically leaving your home.

But even if you're not, and you're just going into, you're going to live at home, but you're going to go into the workforce, you still have to meet new people. Or. [00:07:00] Navigate that new job or if you're going, you're staying home, but you're going to college, you still have a new schedule that you have to do new kinds of studying all sorts of things.

New rules. Your parents have to come up with new rules because now you're an adult and how is that going to work? You have to meet new people. Maybe you have to pay more bills now, there's just all sorts of things that go on, so think about what's your call to adventure, what's the next step, and then during that initiation phase is where you're doing all sorts of new things, and you don't know how to do them, and you can ask people, you can ask your parents, you can ask mentors, you can ask friends, but you have to figure things out more on your own than you ever did before.

And you're not going to do it perfectly and you're going to have setbacks and things are going to happen. You're going to make mistakes and that is part of the process. And that's part of the hero's journey. So I want to talk to you about the four ends to manage [00:08:00] anxiety. And I've talked about that in my podcast before, but I want to talk about it in the sense of how to use the four ends to, to make transitions in your life, whatever those are.

So remember the four ends are notice. Normalize, neutralize, and next best action. So we're going to, I'm going to tell you what these four things are, and then we're going to come up with some, some of those situations that are going to come up when you're leaving high school and how we can use these four N's to help that.

So first of all, you're going to notice how does it feel in your body when you're getting anxious or upset or nervous or scared? What does that feel like in your body and what are the thoughts that you're saying? That that keep you feeling nervous and upset, you know, I'm not gonna make it. I don't know how to do anything I'm never gonna be able to figure [00:09:00] this out all that kind of stuff that feels scary and Keeps you kind of stuck in that and you might feel shaky You might feel sick to your stomach your chest might feel tight your head might hurt just notice All of this without being angry with it or resisting it or ignoring it.

And notice she looks angry. So, so she's not doing it exactly right, but she's feeling the pain of it. And then she just needs to allow it to be there. Don't fight it. Don't, don't ignore it. Don't try to resist it because that's going to make it feel worse. But just notice that it's there. And the fastest way to start feeling better is to allow it to be there and let it flow through your body.

Then we're going to normalize it. It is completely normal to be scared, excited, worried, sad, confused, all the things when you're getting ready to leave your house that everybody, but everybody goes through [00:10:00] that now, some people handle it better than others, but everyone is feeling nervous about it. And there isn't 1 person who wouldn't be nervous about doing something new that they've never done before.

If you are anxious, don't be mad about it. Of course, you feel anxious about leaving home, starting a new job, going into the military, leaving your romantic partner. You know, that's something that people, like, if you are going away to a school and you're Romantic partners going to a different school, or maybe a romantic partner is staying in your town and you're moving away, or maybe your romantic partner is moving away and you're staying, and either, you know, all of that, you're being separated from someone that you care about.

All of that is going to cause us to feel uncomfortable. upset, anxious, sad, scared, all the things. Then I want you to neutralize it. And that means that after you've said, of course, I feel upset, angry, sad, scared, [00:11:00] all that, that there are things I can do about this. What can I do to make myself feel different?

At least neutral, if not better. So if, if I'm upset about what, if I can't make it talk to mentors and other, maybe friends that you have that are older that have gone through some of that, what did they do? What are their tips and tricks? What would your parents say about it? If you're close to them or any other mentors or adults, how can you make schedules or plans or.

What can you think about that helps you feel less confused or upset? That's how you kind of neutralize that. Feeling and then what step can you do right now going towards your goal? So just the next best thought or action. So it doesn't have to be some big elaborate thing, but what's the next thing you could do that [00:12:00] will help you to feel better and move forward in the goal of whatever your transition plan is.

So let's Just take an example and go through these four ends so that you can see what to do. So feeling overwhelmed by moving. So if you're moving at the end of this year to go to a new town, a school, just an apartment down the road, whatever it is, just notice, how do you feel in your body and what thoughts are you thinking?

When you feel this way, and so an example of that would be I have a knot in my stomach. I have a racing heart. I'm having difficulty sleeping and. You know, when you think about having to say goodbye to certain people, or thinking about what if things go wrong, or what if I made the wrong decision, or what, you know, what if I'm homesick, or what if I don't like my new town, or what if I [00:13:00] don't like my apartment, or what if I don't know how to cook, or, you know, all of those things, just Think about, just notice the thoughts, notice the feelings, and they're just there.

Don't fight them, don't resist them, just allow them to be there. And then normalize it. It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed by the prospect of leaving home for the first time. Of course, you feel all of these things. This is a significant life change, and it involves getting out of your comfort zone, and no one likes that.

It doesn't feel good to do that, but it's always. It's always for the best because then you're going to learn new things and you're going to be able to do new and more things and experience more things. And the positive and negative feelings are all normal and they're all mixed up, which is even more confusing.

And then we're going to neutralize it. If you're thinking, I'll never be able to cook for myself. Then try replacing it with a more neutral thought like [00:14:00] I'm still learning to cook, but I can start with simple recipes and I can ask for help. Please don't always eat out. It's not good for you. And it's expensive.

So, yes, sometimes you're going to have to do that or eat a protein bar on the way to class or whatever, but you will It will help you if you learn how to cook some simple things. So, also, just any time that those worry feelings are trying to consume you and they, they're just like life or death and catastrophic thoughts, you know, try to think about It's fine that those, it's not going to be that bad.

Those things are not going to happen because our brain likes to tell us a lot of scary stories. And then the last, the next best thought or action start by creating a packing list, organize your belongings. What things are you going to take with you? What things are you going to leave at home? If your parents are allowing you to leave things at home, I think most do, but there are some parents that are like.

Get [00:15:00] the stuff out of here. I don't want to have it around my feet anymore. And maybe you could gradually box things up, like every, those things that you're not going to need until you move, get those in a box and put in your closet, ready to go. And then you can, you know, there's other things that you won't pack until the very last minute, but you can make a plan for that.

How does that gonna. Work and whenever you break down these kind of tasks and a smaller task, it just feels more doable. So then you're not overwhelmed by what is happening. So let's think about homesickness and missing our loved ones. So we're going to use the 4 ends and what. Might be noticing if we are homesick and missing our loved ones, we might feel tearful withdrawn.

Maybe we're going to check our phone all the time for messages from people, because we just want to have some kind of contact with them. Thoughts of home and [00:16:00] familiar routines and memories and feeling lonely. All of those things are going to be normal and feeling, you know, thinking I really miss them. I wish I was with them.

I wish. You know, I lived in I was still in the same town or whatever and then normalize the homesickness that it's completely normal to to feel homesick and that everyone does. And I know some people are going to be acting like they don't and truthfully. I, I remember being homesick when I first left, but it wasn't for my town or it wasn't for my parents.

It was for my friends and it was for my romantic interest that I had left in my town. And so those were the, the people that I was homesick about, but that still disrupted school for me because I wanted to be with them. And I wanted to. So just normalizing that it's completely normal, everyone's experiencing it.

[00:17:00] Some people deal with it differently than others, and it's natural to miss familiar routines that you had before familiar things from your home and that that's just part of moving away and that it is going to get better. And it's going to not feel that way if you just kind of write it out until you can get to where you don't feel so homesick and then neutralizing it.

So instead of dwelling on all the bad things about not being with the people that you love, start exploring your new surroundings, your, you know, where your neighborhood or your campus or wherever you're at and. Try to start new activities and meet new friends and share your interests with other people and do video calls when you can with the people that you are missing.

And maybe they could come and visit you and you not necessarily going home to visit them. [00:18:00] So then the next best action could be schedule fun things on your calendar that you have to look forward to. With the people that are new and new activities and things that you can do in your new community and with the people that can come and visit you.

And when will you go home and visit? And what kind of fun things can you plan when you go there and having decorating your area with personal items, pictures of your friends and things that remind you, or maybe have your. Comfy blanket that you had on your bed. Have it at your new place so that it can remind you of home and like calming, peaceful things.

And what about financial concerns, budgeting challenges? So of course, you're going to feel anxious about, can I pay my bills? And what about my appointments? And am I going to keep my appointments? Will I get up to do the things that I need to do? And will I be able to do all the fun things I want to do and have the money that I need to have for [00:19:00] that.

And so. You know, noticing how it feels. What are you thinking? Normalizing it again is just, of course, people struggle with this. And this is something I need to learn. So neutralizing it would be, what are some ways that you can budget? What's some things you can learn? What can you listen to read, get help from your friends, your family to help you figure out budgeting, and then breaking that down into small pieces so that you can, okay, This month, I'm going to do this or today.

I'm going to do this tomorrow. I'm going to do this breaking it down. So it doesn't seem so overwhelming and you don't have a huge financial concern. All of a sudden, and don't put a bunch of stuff on credit cards. And then the academic pressure of when you're in school or performance anxiety, if you're an athlete or you're a theater person or a singer or something where you have to, like, perform at this new place in order to keep your scholarship or [00:20:00] do the things that you need to do.

And so just notice again, how does that feel? What are you saying to yourself, normalizing that everyone else? And then if you're on a team, talk to your teammates about how they're feeling like that, too, or your roommate about things or if you are staying at home, but you're in a new job, talk to the people there about how they're feeling about things and then With academic pressures, just make sure that you're really organized with your work.

You're studying ahead of time. You know, a lot of anxiety can be relieved by just being prepared and studying and going to class and taking notes, because then you're going to know what's going on. And you're not going to feel totally out of place. And obviously, with performance anxiety, you're. If you are in a sport in college, you're going to the practices because that's why you want to be there.

But like, getting the best out of that and taking the coaching and the. The feedback in a way that you [00:21:00] can be coached into the next level or whatever it is that you need to do. And then just do those steps. Do those things every day. What can I do today to make it better? What can I do tomorrow to make it better?

And so on. So that was the end of my presentation that I gave those, students and I'm so glad that I could share that with everyone because I think these four ends to managing anxiety are so important in every transition that we have. So whatever transition you're in, think about how can you notice, normalize, neutralize and what's your next best action.

I'll talk to you soon.