E 247 How Overachieving Teens Hide Anxiety

Did you know your anxiety might be lying to you? 🤯

In this powerful episode of The Teen Anxiety Maze, I’m joined by award-winning teen mental health speaker and bestselling author, Brittany Richmond, to expose the lies anxiety tells—and how teens can take back control.

We talk about Brittany’s personal journey with multiple anxiety disorders, how perfectionism can mask deep emotional struggles, and why The Breakfast Club still gets it so right when it comes to teen emotions.

🎬 In this episode, you’ll learn:
✅ The hidden signs of high-functioning anxiety in teens
✅ Why teens feel alone even when they’re surrounded by people
✅ What The Breakfast Club teaches us about belonging and mental health
✅ Brittany’s AAA method for managing anxiety (Act, Assess, Adjust)
✅ How to help teens stop believing every thought they have

This one is real, raw, and packed with practical takeaways for teens, parents, and educators alike.

👉 Subscribe for more episodes to help you navigate teen anxiety with clarity and confidence.

🔗 Learn more about Brittany Richmond
📘 Grab her book Lies My Anxiety Has Told Me
📲 Follow Brittany on Instagram

 Struggling with anxiety in your family? If anxiety is causing tension, fights, or disconnect in your home, you don’t have to face it alone. I help parents bring more peace, confidence, and connection to their families. Let’s talk—schedule a free consultation today or email me: ccoufal@cynthiacoufalcoaching.com

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Transcript

Brittany Richmond
===

Cynthia: [00:00:00] Hi everyone. Thank you for joining me for the Teen Anxiety Maze this week. Do you know that your anxiety lies to you? Well today I am so excited because I have an amazing guest, Brittany Richmond, and she is a bestselling author of the book, lies My Anxiety Has Told Me, and I can't wait to hear what some of those things were.

But Mo more importantly, she is an award-winning teen and young adult mental health speaker, and I love that so much. And I had reached out to her because. I love this lifestyle. Like I wanna know more about it. And I was like, how do I get to do this too? But also I just wanted you to be, to know her information and hear about her, because I want, as always, I want all of my listeners to know all the adults in the world that are helping teens and young people, because that's what I'm doing too.

So, Brittany, thank you for being with us. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: [00:01:00] Thank you. I, the fact that you called me an adult is like high praise, so thanks. 

Cynthia: I know, I know sometimes, even though I've been an adult for a very long time, I forget sometimes that that's what I'm doing. And I think when you work with young people, you have to have kind of like that.

That dual personality where you're also a teenager too. And I think that's why I relate to teenagers so well, because I never, I have never gotten rid of that teenage angst rebellious. I, I have that streak about me, and I think that's why I totally get kids. And I'm sure that's why you do too. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: Yes. I often tell 'em, I'm like, the only difference between me and you is I pay my own bills.

That's literally probably the only difference. And I can totally relate because Bender from the Breakfast Club is like my spirit animal and he was like angst, like troubled youth. And I'm like, not that I was like a troubled youth, but like something about his vibe. I'm like. I wanna hang out with that guy.

You know what I mean? Yes, 

Cynthia: yes. And I [00:02:00] loved that you had the Breakfast Club in behind you yesterday when we were talking because Oh, that right there. We, you were probably just turned a different way. Yeah. That movie came out my senior year of high school. Love it. And I was obsessed with that movie because I was I was several of those characters actually.

But I, I definitely was, I was a rebellious teenager and got in a lot of trouble and did crazy things. And my parents were very sad about all of it. And I also. Had that feeling of I just want everyone to get along, I just want everyone to understand each other's stories and get each other. And I kept thinking, why can't this really happen?

And it's still probably not ever really happened in real life where teens of all different backgrounds sat down and decided that they all liked each other. I mean, I'm sure it does sometimes, but yeah, I just thought it was fun that you, 'cause that was a really important movie for me because of, they were the age that I was when I saw it, and it just really [00:03:00] made a lot of sense to me.

So. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: Well, I love that. I was also there. I, I saw it in theaters too. My mom was pregnant with me, so I guess technically I was also there, but I, because it came out in 86 and that's when I was born. But yeah. You know, that's why the Breakfast Club is a huge part of what I talk about. You. It's a theme throughout my book.

It's, it's because that's what I do. I help kids have these conversations that mm-hmm. Ultimately shows that they're not alone, but breaks down that. Like we have this perception of everybody's reality. Just like the Breakfast Club, right? You have this perception about what you think about someone based on what they choose to put out to the world.

And it's like, but every single one of them, to some degree, had experienced like trauma, abuse, neglect, anxiety, depression, worries, comparisons, limitations, expectations, the like every single one of them to some degree. Mm-hmm. And you know, when I talk about the movie. Which you think it wouldn't be relatable to teenagers today, but I had a teenager run up to me [00:04:00] after an event and she's like, I have a Breakfast Club tattoo.

And I was like, stop it. We got a picture together. She had the Breakfast Club tattoo. I love it on her ankle. And I immediately showed my husband, 'cause I was like you said, when I started talking about the Breakfast Club, teens today would not relate to this movie, which by the way they do. But you don't have to see the movie for me to make my point.

But. Also side note about the Breakfast Club. I spoke at a school once a couple years ago and after, like it was a couple weeks after, because I talked about the Breakfast Club the consumer science teacher sent me an email. She got ahold of my email and she was like. I just wanna let you know, like after your talk, I showed the movie to my consumer science class and she said that everybody in there, which was all freshmen, she said everybody in there said I should show it to every incoming freshman class from here on out.

So she does that today. She says the last show the last few years. Oh, wow. Because they can see themselves in just like you said, you were multiple of these [00:05:00] characters. I mean, yes, it's a movie from the eighties, but it's exactly relatable today. The only difference is they don't have cell phones. That's the mm-hmm.

Only difference in that movie and. It's just such a good lesson anyway. Mm-hmm. That was a sidebar, but that's, that's a little bit back. Well, I love 

Cynthia: it. Well, I've always thought that teenage themes have never changed from the beginning of time. Right. It's just the situations, the cell phones that, like the different things that are happening in the world at that time, but how teens feel and what.

They think about the world has never changed. And so that's what, that's why that cla that movie will always be classic. Like, I don't think it will ever go out of style because because kids can relate to it because it's exactly how they feel. And I love that because, you know, the people that were playing the characters were adults and probably whoever wrote it was an adult, but yet for some reason, they could.

Like really hone in on what is it really like to be that age. And we get to do that in our lives, and I wanna do more of [00:06:00] it in person. But I wanna know about your anxiety story because I sometimes feel bad. I mean, I know a lot about anxiety and I've worked with tons of kids who have anxiety and my daughter has anxiety, but I don't have, anxiety is not.

Taken anything away from my life, you know, I'm not diagnosed with anything. I don't have to take any medication. My I can you know, handle it or manage it, even though I wasn't really taught it. And so I wanna hear from people who really are like truly managing it and living a great life. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: Wow. How much time do you have?

Like, good lord, because, you know, it has evolved, you know? Yes. Through life, but I think the main thing I, I like to say is I no longer suffer from it. I live with it because, yeah. You know, there's this, you know, there's anxiety is a normal emotion. Okay. The, yes, it's been a very normal and that's one thing I tell teenagers too.

[00:07:00] 'cause I think a lot of times, and my husband is an educator and I was a school counselor for many years, you know, even like just the other day he came home and he is like, yeah, he's a driver's ed teacher, so he lives in the world of anxiety. But he, 

Cynthia: yeah, 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: this one student was driving and she was like. He, she missed a turn or something, and she was just like, oh my gosh, it's giving me anxiety, you know, to make this turn.

Yeah. And my husband was like, it's not actually giving you anxiety. You're just nervous. You know, so there's like, mm-hmm. This, so he likes to make the distinction for teenagers, and I think that's important too, is, you know, anxiety in and of itself is such a buzz, trendy word. I wanna make sure that, that we're, they're paying homage to what exactly anxiety is.

So right. But yes, so I, gosh well, I grew up that way, but I think that, you know, there's a lot of contributing factors, but there, there was just a time in my life, specifically in my teen years, you know, middle school, high school, and then definitely early college where things peaked and you know, it. My [00:08:00] anxiety manifested itself in excelling and overachieving.

Mm-hmm. And being a perfectionist. And I was the student that, I was the model student, you know, I got great grades. I was the captain of my sports teams. I was in all the clubs, you know, exec boards. I was the student that a teacher was like, Hey, go make 12 copies of these at the office. And you just walked in the office and nobody asked, you know, like nobody cared.

'cause you were like looked at as like a model student, right? Like this is a, mm-hmm. You know, and as a school counselor, and we talked about this yesterday, the students that they would send me were the risky behavior students, bad home life, poor grades. Mm-hmm. Disciplinary issues, you know, outward behaviors of angst and stress and trauma and all these things.

Cynthia: Mm-hmm. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: I was dealing with all of those things. My outward kind of like way of showing it was covering it up through excelling. Mm-hmm. And because I didn't want people to know I. How I was [00:09:00] feeling and mm-hmm. I also felt like the more I achieved, the less people questioned me, the less people, you know, saw flaws in me.

'cause I was like, oh, that I was valued on the overachieving, you know? Mm-hmm. I was award winner and all these things. And it was like, Ooh, they see me as this person, but they don't really know what's going on underneath. Yeah. Yeah. 

Cynthia: And 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: so that's just kind of how I, I, I covered it up and so I always challenge like, educators and, and people 'cause.

When I spoke at my high school, my high school a couple years ago, I had a teacher and all the same teachers are there. Okay. We're in a rural school where everybody knows everybody, you know, same teachers, and I'm almost 40 and they're, they're still there. And they, this one came up to me 'cause she had actually started her teaching career when I was a sophomore.

So she was like 22 when I was like 16. So there really wasn't a huge difference between us. So. She came up to me after the talk and she said, I had no idea. And she hugged me. Mm-hmm. And she's [00:10:00] like, thank you for reminding me to check in on my overachieving students. Yeah. And I'm like, these are the students that fall through the cracks in my opinion.

Because we don't see them in those ways. We see them as things are good, things are fine. Mm-hmm. That became such an issue, you know, and I, I. You know, I applied for this amazing college and it was all or nothing that my mindset has always been all or nothing. It's, it's just, mm-hmm. Once it's in you, it's in you.

And so it's really hard to break that. I've been working on that for years and I. You know, I got into this prestigious school and I only lasted a week and I dropped out because, you know, it, the anxious symptoms just got so severe. Mm-hmm. That I had no other option, you know, like it, and that's what I.

Don't want for teenagers. Yeah, it, it's normal to have anxiety, you know, to a certain degree when it becomes an issue doesn't mean that it's something we can't [00:11:00] manage and I just don't want it to get to the point where it starts altering your life decisions and. Because you don't know how to deal with it.

And the big thing is they just dunno how to talk about how they feel, which is what I, I do is if I feel like if I just had the ability to tell someone how I was feeling. Because when you talk about how you feel, the less power it has over you. And there, there's so much like. Anxiety makes us feel out of control, but we're in more control than we realize, you know?

And it's, yeah, how can I help them take this power? But, you know, after high school, I, you know, I dropped outta college, went to community college, got into therapy, diagnosed with multiple anxiety disorders, including an impulse control disorder that I still live with today. It's called trichotillomania.

It's where you pull your hair out 

Cynthia: in 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: response to anxiety. That just, that's just something you manage. It never really fully goes away. And very common. I speak to teenagers all the time and you won't believe how many teenagers come up to me and they're [00:12:00] like, like, I just gave them permission to release the shame or something.

And I'm like, 

Cynthia: I think they probably never told anyone that they had it. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: And it's super common. That's why I tell people, I'm like, it's just like it's, its common. It's biting your nails. Like it's as common as these impulse control issues that we see, but you know, and 

Cynthia: is biting nails and impulse control. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: It depends, since I did 

Cynthia: that my whole life, 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: it depends.

There's like, you know, a bunch of there, if you go into the world of psychology, they're gonna tell you a lot of different things about things like biting nails and stuff. But at the end of the day, if it's an impulse control issue there, there's a reason you're doing it. So the, the theory is if you can identify the trigger that causes you to do it, you can handle the trigger and thus you wouldn't do this anymore.

That's kind of like what they say. Mm-hmm. Which is, which is true for, for trick as well. But yeah, so that's kind of a long story. And then I, I, I suffered so severely in my early twenties. I, I tell people my twenties [00:13:00] were the worst 10 years of my life. I was, you know, in one abusive relationship after another, constantly seeking validation because I'm trying to be the perfect person, you know, and all the things, 

Cynthia: yes.

Brittany Richmond Roberts: Gained 70 pounds in college. I was an athlete that totally stopped doing the things that are healthy and that serve you. I treated my body terribly. And I did that because I was so anxious that I did the things that made me feel better. And the things that made me feel better in the moment were like binge drinking and binge eating and things like that.

Mm-hmm. And then when that wears off, you feel bad. Yeah. So what do you do when you feel bad? You do the things that make you feel 

Cynthia: Yes. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: And it's, it was just. A cycle that just didn't stop. And because of that, I still live with things like body dysmorphia and I really struggle with my eating. I'm working on like my relationship with food because of what happened almost 20 years ago.

So it's just very, like, it's a constant work in progress. Yep. But, but we're in a much better place. And I credit therapy, [00:14:00] I credit medication, I credit. My faith, I credit my surrounding yourself with people that lift you up and letting go, setting boundaries. So there's a lot of things, and again, I'm rambling, so let's just take a pause on what No, no, 

Cynthia: I, my love.

Well, all of that stuff, what you're saying, it's just brought up so many things in my mind, but, one of the things I wanna ask you about the hair pulling is my grandson does hair twisting or hair twirling, and we can't even comb through his hair because So nodded. He's twisted it so much that it's just like dreadlocks kind of.

And I wonder if that, I mean, I feel, I've always felt like that's a comforting thing for him, but I, I wonder if it isn't. Almost on this other edge of I don't know. I don't like to di I mean, I'm obviously not diagnosing him, but, and he's only three. But I just, I see so many tendencies with him about being alarmed by things that I'm like, this isn't an [00:15:00] alarming thing.

Like he was getting scared about flies and I'm like, it's just a fly. And he was, he was just like, ah. Couldn't handle being outside 'cause there was a fly. And you know, it's just like stuff like that. And I'm just like, where does this all come from and how did this all happen? And you know, and I'm, so, I'm always watching to make sure, you know, how do I deal with him in the best way and how do I help him and how do we know when we should, you know, do the next thing or, or do something to help him.

I don't know. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: I, I can't speak to the twisting. I'd have to like actually look into like specifically what, potentially what the DSM says. Like they give you all different all things, right? 

Cynthia: Sure. But 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: as far as like what you said, it was comforting. It is comforting. Like I think that. I pull out my eyelashes.

That's what I do. I mean, I do it when I don't even know I'm doing it. I do it when I'm very aware I'm doing it, but I can't stop. Mm-hmm. I don't. Yeah. Because when I actively stop, it's like you have a physiological response in your [00:16:00] body and it's like you have to complete this task. Like it, it's kind of, that's the best way I can describe it is 

Cynthia: Right.

Brittany Richmond Roberts: It's comforting. It's a comfort thing. It also, and this is gonna sound, but. This is just what this podcast is for. But yeah, sometimes, sometimes it's a little painful and, and, and we just, we're kind of like, we inflict pain that way. And then immediately after you feel shame and you're looking in the mirror and you're like, I could've stopped that.

But like, you know, it's very difficult to explain, but the, the key is to identify what is causing that behavior like Sure. I have a master's in behavioral psychology, and that was always a big thing, was what is the target behavior? Because oftentimes in the world, and I see this a lot with young people, especially in the school system, again, my husband is his teacher.

It's like they want to treat the symptom, not the cause. Yes. That's the issue and it's like mm-hmm. That's why we see a lot of kids [00:17:00] sometimes overmedicated and all these things, and it's like 

Cynthia: mm-hmm. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: Are they in therapy also? And like, well, no, we're just trying, we're just trying to alleviate the symptom.

Yes. The symptoms are gonna go away. Right. If you don't target the cause, so, 

Cynthia: right. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: That's one of the, the big things I would say when you start to take ownership and control, which is what I talk about in the book, is. 

Cynthia: Stop 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: blaming other people. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You, you have the power to change this.

Mm-hmm. And it's like, how can, and take the control, start to identify the behaviors that are causing you anxiety. If you can work on those behaviors, in theory, I. The anxious symptoms should dissipate. That's the theory. Sure. 

Cynthia: Well, I love that you're, you're talking about that in your book, because I think that's exactly what I'm seeing with kids that, I mean, I have clients that take what I talk to them about, and it's a lot of mindset and finding out like what mindsets are creating these thoughts and ideas, and then how do you, how do you allow yourself [00:18:00] to feel that that uncomfortable feeling in your body and not do the things.

And then how do you plan for that in the future? Like, okay, these things are gonna, you know, anxious situations will happen again, and what will you do the next time? Because now we know these different things. So it sounds like exactly what I'm kind of teaching, but I notice that my clients that don't do well and.

You know, I have a 12 week program, and so when it's over, some of them are like, well, I'm this in the same place that I was before. It's always because they still don't see that they have control over some of the things or that they don't, that they have agency and the thoughts that they're choosing.

Like your book being called Lies, my Anxiety Told me. Just when they know that those thoughts are not true, the things that your brain is telling you. You know, doesn't mean that that's really what's happening. These [00:19:00] people maybe don't even know you and your, your brain's telling you that they hate you or you know, or your brain's telling you you're not good enough to do something when that's not true at all.

Like, those kinds of things. And we talk about how those are just stories that our brain is trying to tell us and how can we reframe 'em, think about 'em differently, not think about them at all. I mean, however we wanna do that. But I love that you're. You're telling them about the control they have. 'cause I think that's the main thing.

When I think when I get in my teenager brain, I think about the part that, I mean, the most pain that I experienced as a teenager was because of thinking that I had no control over anything that was happening and that my parents were the problem. My teachers were the problem. You know, I. Am screwed up and I'm the problem, you know, like all these things.

And if I would've had the tools I have now to change my thoughts around to different things. [00:20:00] I, I'm not saying, I mean, I love my life. My life turned out exactly the way I wanted it to, but it could, I could have gotten here faster. I could have Right. Gotten here with less suffering. Yeah. If I would've known these things and that's, that was the main reason why I wanna tell teens about it.

'cause I'm like, take this information right now and start doing something with it because you don't have to suffer all these years and try to figure it out and we can help. You know. I, 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: yes, I. Kids want the help. And I say kids, they're young adults, but they, they want the help. That's why they talk about it.

And we need to recognize that. And I think that something I, I get told a lot is, well, I like to give Grace too because mm-hmm. Neurologically, I mean, you know, we know that the, the part of your brain that allows you to reason and see big picture doesn't even get developed till you're like 25. Mm-hmm. Like, which is wild, right?

Yeah. So when we say things to [00:21:00] students like, oh, just get over it, or, mm-hmm. You know, it's really hard. To see past what they're currently feeling, which is why I think we see a lot of self-harm and suicide and suicide ideation in young people because in that moment they are so consumed they can't see a way out of it.

Mm-hmm. And neurologically, that's part of the thing that works against, it hasn't developed yet. So it just, it's sad. But like, one of the things that I think is important to everybody listening is like. Exposing these young people to those situations is also extremely beneficial for them. Mm-hmm. You know, we, we tend to avoid, and, and I'm not a parent, but I'm all, I'm a daughter obviously.

Mm-hmm. 

Cynthia: Mm-hmm. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: I've lived through situations my parents tried to protect me from, right? Mm-hmm. Like they're, as a parent, I'm a cat mom and I wanna protect my cats from all the things, right? So, yeah. But you, that is how they learn is by [00:22:00] failing forward and they learn to emotionally regulate. They learn to deal with conflict.

They learn to, you know, respond and learn how to respond. I mean, we wanna protect so much, and I'm not blaming, you know, parents or adults, right. But I do think there is accountability to be taken on this side. Is that when I was young and I fell down on my bike, my parents dusted it off and put me back on the bike.

Mm-hmm. Now it's like, don't ride the bike, you know? Mm-hmm. It's, it's very much the 

Cynthia: Yes. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: How are they supposed to fall down and get back up, you know? It's right. So. But as far as like, you know, you know, talking to these, these students and they have these anxious moments and they don't know how they're gonna get through it.

I think constantly reminding them that they've been through it before that was really helpful for me. That was something I had to actually tell myself when I was going through things, even in my twenties is like. I mean, fairly recently. I mean, we're talking January of 2024. I had a terrible, like four day anxiety attack.

I couldn't get outta [00:23:00] bed. Mm-hmm. My husband was worried about me. I was just crying constantly. I wasn't eating, you know, it's just, but even in the middle of it, and he's like trying to console me. I'm like, I'm gonna make it through this because I have before. And there's so much power in that, and like, it's just mm-hmm.

And I'm not trying like toot my own horn. That's not what I'm saying. It's like. Constantly reminding these students, like, and not saying things like, this isn't the worst thing you're gonna go through. I think that's unhelpful. Right? I narrative. Mm-hmm. It's like you're gonna make it through because you've already been through hard things.

Mm-hmm. And that I think there's so much power in that, but you know, the stigma is alive and well. That's not, that's also not helpful. I even today, I mean, it's, it's something I deal with, with especially the much older generation. Mm-hmm. I, I tell them what I do. They're like, oh, do you just tell them to suck it up and stop being weak and get over it?

I mean, it's just because they're seeing this younger generation just really struggling. Right. [00:24:00] You know, and for the record, those older generation, you know, they're like, we didn't know the word trigger and all this other stuff. I'm like, 

Cynthia: mm-hmm. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: Yeah, but you called depression melancholy. You, you, we, we had all of these things, 

Cynthia: right?

These things were happening. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: You just either didn't talk about it, right? You buried it and something else. You, you had, you, they, everybody can look back and because life is life, man. It's just, it's not always, and unfortunately, this current generation that we're seeing. Is going through a world that is not something we've ever seen before.

I mean, we talked about it yesterday, the Anxious Generation, which is a book by Jonathan Aid, and it's just, there's so much data. Yes. Even my husband, who is an educator, he's a, he's an amazing, compassionate, empathetic, sympathetic human. He recognizes the changes. He's been teaching for a long time, but even he struggles.

He's like, why is it that every kid. Says they have depression or says they have anxiety. Mm-hmm. And he's just like, he can't wrap his [00:25:00] brain around this shift. And I'm like, when I read the book that he's just generation, and again, Jonathan says in the book, prove me wrong. He's saying, this is not the gospel, but mm-hmm.

The data is awfully in a line, right? Yes. And numbers don't. Yes, yes. That the, we have caused a, we have created. An experiment that was wildly unregulated. We had no idea the outcome, and that was putting screens in the hands of young people and they haven't developed skills to communicate. You can tell a kid that's connected, you can see it physically versus one that is not, you know, there's, it's just, it's hard to say.

You know, we need to, you put your phone down, put your phone down. And I'm like, well, who Put the phone there? You know? Yeah. It's just, yes. And I'm not, I'm not pointing fingers as a whole, and you know, I was very fortunate to grow up without social media. My first phone when I was 19 or 20 didn't have texts or social, none of that.

Right. [00:26:00] But even for me, it's like I can't understand what they live like or what they go through because mm-hmm. That's just how they do it now. 

Cynthia: Right. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: How can we make it right? How can we create a world that they can live in and thrive in, right? Mm-hmm. Anyway, I'm rambling, obviously. No, 

Cynthia: no, I love it. So when you when you're talking to kids in the group about anxiety, I'm sure you bring in I cell phones are part of this.

This yucky feeling that everyone has and you know, whether we're gonna diagnose it as depression or anxiety. And I think a lot of it comes from social media because there's a lot of self diagnosing because they're seeing videos and tiktoks where people are saying, oh, if you have these symptoms, then you have anxiety or you have depression.

And I even get sucked into that sometimes. I'll look at stuff and I'm like. Oh no, I didn't know I had this, or I know, you know, but I also am old enough to know like, oh yeah, that's just [00:27:00] whatever. A young person who doesn't have that discerning part of their brain is like, oh, I have all these problems and we're making it be a problem.

Like, oh, you have anxiety. Well, you know, everything's terrible. And so I'm sure in your talk, you talk about this and, and talk about social media and phones and how this is kind of connected. So what is the response? Do kids respond to that? Do they, do they feel like, yes, I think there is something here, or are they like, don't you dare talk about my phone or.

Brittany Richmond Roberts: You know, I, I don't talk about it as much as you think I would. Okay. And that's only because I know it gets beaten down their throats and 

Cynthia: Yes. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: Yes. So, and I don't want them to instantly hear me say, social media's the problem. And then they've come, I've lost them, they've completely turned it off. 

Cynthia: Sure.

Mm-hmm. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: That's not to say it's not important. I just maybe talk about it in a roundabout way without talking about it. Sure, 

Cynthia: sure. So 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: if, if the purpose of my talk is to get kids [00:28:00] communicating mm-hmm. And we physically do that. Mm-hmm. And I show the benefits of having conversations. I, I, I show them and not, it's not just the talking, it's the active listening, right?

Mm-hmm. So a roundabout way showing the value of these conversations and how simple and non-intrusive they are. Yeah, and you're right, there's, there's, you know, in social psychology, there's this theory called the need to belong theory. Mm-hmm. And that implies that, you know. Especially we see this, it's just like when someone's at their vulnerable, when someone's in a vulnerable state, period, it's very, it's more likely you're able to convince them of something if you, if there's like a comfort in return, right?

Mm-hmm. And there's like, there's like a community. 'cause humans crave community, hence the need to belong theory. Mm-hmm. And. We see this a lot in like, again, I'm not, this is just an example, but like cults, right? Yeah. The people who fall into cults are in very vulnerable positions and then they feel welcomed and then yeah.

Then they start to, you know, that, we see that in [00:29:00] everything. Not just, not just, you know, the negative. We also see it in positive because it's just the human condition. We want to feel connected. We want to feel seen. We want people to hear us and know what we're going through and. That's, that's, we see that a lot with young people, and I think that mm-hmm.

Unfortunately, it can also bring them into negative spaces, like, oh, mm-hmm I, I also have a home life like this. Maybe I'm this way or I also have this, and then they take it on as an identity, which is part of the issue. I don't take my anxiety on his identity. I'm sure I did when I was younger. Sure. It's a part of me, and I make that very clear, you know, to young people.

It's like, I don't suffer from this. I live with it. It's a part of who I am. It's not all of who I am. You know, it's right. And, you know, so those are some just little distinct, I, I like that. 

Cynthia: Do you do breakout stuff with them too? Or is it like this all the whole group, you're [00:30:00] talking to them and then you're like, see you later.

Have a good day. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: I try not to do that because I know that, you know, it's like you wanna create this impact, you know, and it's like, oh, always show up for an hour and then I'm gone. Mm-hmm. I like to, even whether I speak at schools or a conference, conferences, I can hang out much longer and do breakout sessions.

Mm-hmm. But if you even, I go to schools, I'm like, can I go to lunch and hang out? Like, can I go hang out? Because that's when the kids feel like, yes, they can make a connection is when that wall is taken down. But mm-hmm. The breakout sessions I do are very much group centered. We're talking about things that we, I, the whole point of my breakouts is I want them to see that they're not alone.

I want them to see that someone else has the same internal dialogue that needs belong theory. But I wanna put it into a positive, like you're not alone. Because, and I say this with love to young people, you are not special. And I mean that and like a, mm-hmm. Right. Unique, right? Like your footprint is unique and who you are as a person is unique, [00:31:00] but what you go through.

Is not unique and Yeah. Yeah. We so convinced ourselves that no one's gonna understand how I'm feeling, you know? Mm-hmm. I'm just gonna burn someone with eye problems. I just feeling all this shame because I'm the only person in the world that has ever gone through this. It's just these constant things that are just meant to keep us in isolation, which is the big thing.

Right? So why to have these conversations about mental health, Cynthia, is because isolation is where mental and emotional health struggles thrive. Mm-hmm. The CDC recently said that that is the number one contributing factor to self-harm suicide and suicide ideation and school shootings is they have found that isolation when someone feels isolated, it is, it is just a tipping point for a lot of people.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The narrative of, I'm alone, no one understands me, right. No one's gonna be able to help me. It's. I tell them like these are just lies to keep you in isolation. Mm-hmm. How do we move outta [00:32:00] isolation? And that's really the main thing I do. How do we help these young people move outta isolation with the power of conversation?

Cynthia: Sure. Oh my gosh, this is so inspiring to me. I just am like, oh my gosh, I feel like I'm rambling. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: I've had a lot of espresso today, so, 

Cynthia: no, I love it. This is, this is the kind of conversations I like to have. I was having a conversation like this in a coffee shop one day with a friend who is an OCD specialist, and we were just like, oh my gosh.

And then this, and then this, and then this, and this lady came by and she goes. You guys should have a podcast. And I was like, well, actually I do. And so she and I actually did a podcast together. 'cause it's just like, it isn't, it's interesting for people to hear these kind of conversations and that's what I love about podcasts is that you can listen in on conversations on purpose about these different things.

So your book lies. Anxiety has told me. I'm not sure if I had the, all the words exactly right. But do you have like, activities in there or is it just kind of your story [00:33:00] and like inspiration or, or how does the book work? 'cause I haven't looked at it. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: So Yes. So I have a, you know, I. Make my points, the different lies.

I kind of break them down with stories for each one. And then the second half of the book is kind of like my process and I call it my AAA strategy, which is act, assess, and adjust. Mm-hmm. And through that process, you know, I even have like little charts in there, like how do identify the controllable factors versus what you can't control and how to free the uncontrollable things from your brain and things like that.

Mm-hmm. But you know, the whole idea is to, and I, before I say this, it has to be healthy and something that serves you. I'm very clear about that. Mm-hmm. Because all can do things that feel good, that aren't healthy, right? Yes. So but if, if you can find and identify, you know, identify, prioritize, and execute.

So act would be your first step. Find something that is healthy and that serves you. You know that, that, because my whole, [00:34:00] my whole thought process is like, even as a counselor, you know, the tools I would give people for anxiety and things like that we're very reactive tools. They're very like, when you're feeling anxious, here's what you should do, you know?

Mm-hmm. But I'm like, well, if you're gonna live with this, maybe you need to do the things that. That keep you well, like when you feel well, you do the things right. Just like therapy and counseling are most effective when you feel, well, you know, they're, people think of therapy and counseling as like, oh my God, something's wrong.

You're going to therapy 'cause something's wrong. It's like, actually I'm going because things are good because life is gonna happen and I need, need the tools to be able to do that. So I side note, I was at a school and told the students, my husband and I were in couples counseling. Everyone went, hmm.

Like, it was just like, and I was like, oh, but that, that really was so awesome. They did that because I paused and I was like, ah, the stigma alive and well with young people. Mm-hmm. Like I called them out. And I was [00:35:00] like, you only reacted that way because you thought something negative was happening. Mm-hmm.

So you're actually saying counseling is for people who are going through bad things or who feel bad or who need help because your mm-hmm. Marriage or your So, and I was like, actually the best time to go to therapy and counseling is when things are good. Like that's, that's the stigma that I'm trying to break and like call people out on is like, 

Cynthia: mm-hmm.

Brittany Richmond Roberts: You know, but 

Cynthia: yeah. I love that. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: Anyway, I but act, yes. I almost lost my train of thought because I, it's the espresso, but act is like, find the things that, you know, serve you and that, that, that can be different for everybody. I don't think that they're, like, if one more person tells me to do deep breathing, I might punch them in the throat.

Okay. Right. So it's just don't tell me to deep 

Cynthia: debrief. I know. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: Like fitness, like movement is really beneficial. It, you know, it's proven to change the physiology of your brain. It can benefit everybody. But running is not for everybody. Walking is not for everybody. Mm-hmm. Right. Weightlifting is not for everybody.

The acting part is like pick [00:36:00] something, say you're gonna go for a walk every day, act on it, actually do the things. Mm-hmm. And then assess is this beneficial for me? Is it helping me? Do I hate it? 'cause if you hate it. Stop it. Like don't, 

Cynthia: right. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: Don't attack, attach a negative emotion mm-hmm. To something that's supposed to be positive.

Mm-hmm. So that's the effect. Is it working? Is it not working? Can I do more, should I do less? And then adjust, right? Mm-hmm. Adjust this if you need to, and it's just, but it's one thing at a time, right? Yeah. Like it's. But, 

Cynthia: well, and I love that too because when, back in the day when I was always on diet and exercise programs all the time, and like I was like so rigid about it, it was, it, I was so all or nothing, like I'm gonna do everything or I'm gonna do nothing.

And when, when I was doing everything, it was so hard and I was so angry and I hated all of it. And you know, I had a person. As a guest one time on my podcast who was talking about sometimes exercise creates anxiety, and I'm like, oh my gosh, [00:37:00] that's what was happening. Because I was so, I, I was using it as a punishment for myself.

Like, well, you've been terrible eating, so now you have to run or you have to do this thing, which caused me to have anxiety. About having to do the exercise. And when she was talking about that, I was like, oh, that totally makes sense. Like, do things that you like, do things that feel good, do things, you know, like don't add anxiety to something that you're trying to, you know, you're trying to feel good.

That's 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: healthy. Yeah. It serves you. Yeah, exactly. And this is why most people fall off after January resolutions for fitness because they mm-hmm. They changed so many things at one time and then, 'cause of course they wanna get there the fastest. Right. And they Right. But they don't see that like consistency with the small things.

Right. Actually what create long-term results. But that's why I talk about this in the book too, and you brought up a really great point. The power of and is real and I believe in the power of, and I believe that it's not one or the other. So. I can, you know, live [00:38:00] with and manage my anxiety and have a happy life.

It's not one or the other. And just like fitness, I can love and accept my body for where I'm at and work to improve it. At the same time. I love that it's not, I hate this. I'm gonna change it because it's not gonna work. It's just not right. And it's a skill mindset and mindset shift, like you said at the beginning of the podcast, you know, reframing.

And that's a skill, which means you have to work on it. And Yes. You know, I think the common misconception is that people look at certain people and think, oh, they've got it all figured out. It's like, no, actually, they just consistently do the work to make, you know, and, and move through the hard moments.

Cynthia: Mm-hmm. And 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: yeah, so I believe in the power at the end. 

Cynthia: Mel Robbins had this thing this week and I sent it to my friend and I can't remember what word she was actually using, but it was something like, you gotta do the boring every day. Stuff to get to this success level that you want. You're not just gonna get there.

And if you're not willing [00:39:00] to do the boring, everyday drudgery things, and it doesn't mean that everything is like that, but you have to be willing to do those things too, or you're never gonna get the things. And so I sent my friend, 'cause she's always saying I work too hard and I really am enjoying what I'm doing and I don't think I'm working too hard.

But I said, I am in this, you know, time right now where I'm just like doing all the things and I'm not. Going on a lot of vacations and I'm not spending a lot of money because everything's going into this business because it's gonna be a thing and I'm gonna make it be a thing. And so, and it's just part of like, you have to go through that.

I have to do the work to get the thing that I want, and we all have to be willing to do that if we want the thing. We can't just say, oh, I want this success. Or we look at people who are successful or managing their anxiety well or whatever, and just say, oh, it must be easy for them. Well, we don't know all that work and all those everyday drudgery things they did to get to what looks like success or is [00:40:00] success in that person's life.

So, so you do talks at conferences and schools all across the United States. I'm guessing not the world, but maybe the world. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: Not the world in person. Not the world person, but yes, mostly the United States and yeah, a lot in the Midwest and the East coast and the south. Okay. The West coast is interesting with, there's not a.

At least, I mean, there's been a couple, like, I'm going to California later this month, but not like the Midwest and the East. Like man, they're pretty much all about it, but, okay. Yeah. And so I do a lot of teen conferences in the CTE circuit. So like FFA student council, F-C-C-L-A four H, like those big conferences, teen conferences.

But I do do a lot of assemblies at schools too. Mm-hmm. 

Cynthia: So people can find you on your website to do that. They can find your book there. Stuff in my show notes too, so they can, can find you or just send you messages about, you know, how your book [00:41:00] inspired them or maybe if they heard you speak somewhere, you know, like just reaching out to you.

I know, that's fun to hear that stuff. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: Yeah, I find me on Instagram. That's like my, my favorite platform. I create a lot of, I call it real life with anxiety, like REEL. 'cause I create real. Mm-hmm. Different things in my life that, you know, I still live with and manage, just to show people that they're not alone and 

Cynthia: yeah.

So, yeah. I love that so much. Well, I'm so glad that we met each other for one, and that you were on this podcast, so I appreciate it. Thanks. Yes. Oh, you're so welcome. And we'll be seeing you around, I'm sure. 

Brittany Richmond Roberts: Well, I'm, I'm always around, so 

Cynthia: that's good. I love it. I'm, I will be seeking you out.