How Social Media Algorithms Control Your Mind (And How to Take Back Control)

 Ever feel worse after scrolling through social media? 

You're not imagining it. Social media algorithms are designed to keep your attention—not to show you the truth. 

In this episode, I'm breaking down how these algorithms control what you see, how they impact your mental health, and most importantly—how to take back control.

Whether you're a teen feeling the pressure or a parent trying to help, this video gives you practical tools to manage your digital life and protect your mental health.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:
✅ How social media algorithms actually work (and why your feed feels so toxic)
✅ The "mirror vs. window" concept that changes everything
✅ How to set boundaries that actually work (no, you don't have to quit)
✅ How to curate a feed that lifts you up instead of drags you down


KEY TAKEAWAYS:
🧠 Your feed isn't reality—it's a reflection of what you click on
📱 Notifications are stealing your peace (here's how to fix it)
💭 Small mindset shifts that make a huge difference
🛡️ Digital literacy is your best defense against manipulation
🤝 Connection is the antidote to digital stress
RESOURCES :

Bad News Game (free misinformation training): https://www.getbadnews.com/en
988 Crisis Hotline: Call or text 988 anytime for mental health support
School counselors and trusted adults are there for you

LET'S CONNECT:
📸 Instagram: @cynthiacoufalcoaching

If this video helped you understand social media better or gave you tools to manage your digital life, please give it a thumbs up and share it with someone who needs to hear this. Subscribe for more conversations about mental health, digital wellness, and thriving in our modern world.
Remember: You don't have to quit social media to stay healthy—you just need to manage it with intention. 💙



DISCLAIMER: This content is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you're experiencing a mental health crisis, please call 988 or contact a mental health professional immediately. 

Find my podcast
Email me: ccoufal@cynthiacoufalcoaching.com
Text me: 785-380-2064
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Transcript

[00:00:00] Hi. I wanted to talk to you about social media and because we live in a digital world and we are all connected to some sort of devices, and while I love that so much and I love being connected to people and being able to, oh my goodness, I use Google like crazy, like trying to every. Day I have questions that I ask about, like, well, why does this happen and how does this work?

And what do I do about this? And I was always a learner. Learner is one of my top five strengths. And so before there was digital devices, I was having to look up things in an encyclopedia or in a dictionary or whatever. Now I it's so much easier. But the problem with all of that instant access to everything.

Is that it's also really stressful and anxiety producing and [00:01:00] there is so much stuff that we can get sucked into and it really affects our mental health and our anxiety levels. So I wanna talk to you today about, about that. What is, how that is working? And this podcast is for every age. It doesn't matter if you are a kid or.

80 years old or whatever, like we all have to be good about dealing with all of the stuff that's coming towards us, and we need to have good skills in order to handle that so that we don't have poor mental health, which is what happens if we don't try to figure out how to be intentional with the things that are coming into our mind and into our lives through all of our devices.

Now I don't, I'm not a proponent of don't use your device because we all have to use them for different reasons. [00:02:00] But I do think that you need to have healthy boundaries about your device, like how much you're actually on it at all, like having. Uh, device free times or social media times in your day where you don't get on your phone and you actually just experience different things in life, but also being really intentional about what you're watching and doing and seeing.

And just because it's a popular thing that everyone's looking at or talking about doesn't mean that you are somebody that should or need. To be seeing some of those things. I know that I don't wanna see a lot of, like, I don't mind. Like gore and craziness in a movie because it's fake. But if I were to know that someone was actually dying or somebody, like, something like that would really be upsetting to me.

And I don't ever wanna see that. So even if [00:03:00] other people are sharing around or saying, oh my gosh, you should have seen this. I know that that isn't, that, I don't wanna see that and that I, that it's going to affect me in a way that I don't want it to. So I make the choice not. To see it, and I'm a FOMO person.

I don't like to miss out on things, but I know that something like that would not be good for me. And so I, I don't look for it. I don't, if somebody sent me something, I would just get rid of it. And so just think about how do you, how do you avoid some of those things, and you can choose to avoid some of those things.

Also, really think about who you're following. Um, I have some friends that, you know, I, I like them in some areas of my life, but I also don't like some of the other things about, uh, how, what they post about. And so I can still be friends with someone on [00:04:00] Facebook. Now, I don't know, I don't think this probably works exactly the same on all social media platforms, but on Facebook you can be friends with somebody and you can still, I.

Visit with them and, you know, look them up and see what's going on with them if you want to, but you don't see all their posts so you can unfollow them. And so sometimes I just unfollow people. I don't have to unfriend them. Um, now if someone is abusive and hateful and terrible, I would certainly unfriend and probably block them from things.

But I don't have those kinds of people that I've experienced in my life. At least that I can think of in the recent fu reach, recent past that I had to do that with. But if you, I would tell kids this all the time when I was a school counselor, if somebody was bullying them or just posting mean things about them, block them.

You don't have to be friends with them. You don't have to have them attacking you. Now I [00:05:00] do know that some people constantly make new accounts with fake names, trying to, you know, do the same thing to you. And I'm sure it's very exhausting to try to block all these people. And also sometimes these are crimes that people are doing if it's, you know, bullying and harassing.

So make sure if you are a young person. A minor. Make sure you tell an adult about it so that they can help you with those kinds of things. And if you're an adult and this is happening to you, there are different things that you can do to stop people from harassing you. But you know, blocking is always a great place to start so that you don't have to deal with that.

And if someone is sending you a bunch of texts that are mean, just erase them or again, block that person so that you don't get those texts. And I had kids that would tell me, well, it's my mom or it's my dad, or whatever. And I was like, well, I would at least delete the texts if you know that there's things that [00:06:00] are.

You know, really hurtful things being said so that you don't even know about it. You don't even see it. But I think if your parent or anyone else in your family is doing those things to you, I still think it should be okay to block them at least temporarily, while whatever is going on, um, they're upset about is happening.

And then you can always go back to adding them back in when that has, when that time is over.

One of the things to practice when you are taking a digital break or a social media break is to do some mindfulness stuff. And I'm not talking about meditating for an hour or, you know, going off by yourself in some. Quiet room. Mindfulness can just be going for a walk. Getting outside. I think it's so important to get outside and experience nature and hear the sounds, and smell the smells and experience the ground underneath your feet.

Those [00:07:00] things can always make you feel better and kind of bring you back to the present because a lot of times in social media with really. Negative or scary messages, you get caught up in either the past of what happened and then being upset about that or getting upset about the future. Like, well, what does this mean?

And what happens if this happens? And what if this person does this thing? And so if you can just get away from that and you just get grounded in the present right now and just putting your. Your hand on your heart and saying, I am safe right now in this minute. I am calm right now in this minute. And just bring yourself away from those past events or those future events, it can help you to feel so much better.

And we've talked about so much on this podcast about how to reframe your thoughts and rethinking things and think about things differently. And [00:08:00] so some of the things that really cause anxiety and panic in us is some of those thoughts that are thought errors. And so trying to find some of those thought errors that we're telling ourselves that are so scary and that are so.

Angry or so sad and trying to figure out other ways to think about it. Now, it doesn't mean that the stuff that we're hearing isn't scary or sad or. Things we should be angry about because I believe that we, we do need to protect our families and protect our world. And sometimes anger is what is the fuel to do some of those changes that we need to do.

Or sadness can be a fuel to do those things. So. It's fine to feel all those feelings. 'cause remember, all of our feelings are normal no matter what they are or how uncomfortable they are. But we don't wanna have such a heavy amount of the uncomfortable emotions that [00:09:00] it kind of takes away from us having positive and fun and exciting and hopeful experiences because we get so lost in all of the.

Uncomfortableness, we wanna, you know, get to where we're comfortable. So sometimes it might help to just do like. Half and half thinking, I don't know if that's actually an actual word for it, but where if you, if you do have some negative thoughts about things, which again can be very legitimate, also think about things that are positive, think about things that, that are happy.

Um, and there are actually news outlets that only report. Nice. There's one that's actually called Nice News. I get that email because I need, I need a dose of niceness. And so it'll just be, you know, acts of kindness that they, you know, report about, or some baby animal was born at some zoo or you know, like just, [00:10:00] and they'll be cute pictures of it or whatever.

So things, if you're going to. If you wanna be informed and know about things that can be upsetting or heavy, also spend some time in the fun, in the, the cute, the nice area of the news so that you can feel the, at least that it's balanced, that you aren't just having a steady diet of uncomfortable, sad, mean.

Things, but you're also having a diet of good, beautiful, uplifting, light things,

and anytime we're feeling stressful, anxious, um, panicky. It always helps to share that feeling with someone that we trust. Now, some people haven't earned the right for us to tell 'em these things, but you've gotta have somebody in your life that you trust and know that they can hear what [00:11:00] is what you're thinking and feeling, and be able to help you work through that.

And so share the burden of some of these things that you're feeling and experiencing. And. And share those burdens with other people. Like let those same people then share how they're feeling about things, and that can help you to feel like you have some support in a world that sometimes seems super scary.

One of the things that I am just, well, I'm understanding it more now because the algorithm and social media and all that stuff's been around for a while and we hear about it a lot, but I want you to think about social media as a mirror. What we see on social media is actually a reflection of us, and it's set up that way purposefully by the people who created the algorithm because they studied brains and studied human behavior and they realized that we want to be, we want our ideas to be confirmed in the world.

[00:12:00] And so. Whenever we see things on social media that we're like, yeah, I, that's how I think too. Or, I believe that too. Or, I like this person. You know, we're liking their post. We're spending time watching. I mean, I don't know exactly how it all works, but your phone knows that you're spending time watching something and not just scrolling past it.

And then obviously it knows when you like things or. Comment on things, and so then your phone starts just showing you those things that you liked, and so all of a sudden it seems like the whole world thinks like you do. And I. Obviously there's a lot of people who do think like you, but there's a lot of people who think like the opposite of you, and they're also getting a full feed of probably people who are saying the exact same things that they like and want to hear and see.

And so it's really important for you to pay [00:13:00] attention to when you are getting constant. Confirmation that yes, everyone thinks like you, that is not true. That's because your phone is just giving you the things that you wanna hear and see at, at least the stuff that you're like scrolling through.

Now, obviously when we're like looking through Facebook and there's you know, thousands of opinions, we, especially when we're friends with people who have opposite opinions, we're gonna see their stuff, but. Most of the time, if it's just random scrolling, you're just, you start getting just people who think like you.

And while that feels good, sometimes when we're, we're hearing those people we're like, yeah, I agree with that, or I wish I would've said that, or that's what I think. It makes us start to think that everybody thinks that way and they don't. And so it's really important for you to just know that this is a trick [00:14:00] that all the social media companies have created to get you to stay on their platform.

And it, there's nothing like, you know, necessarily bad about it. It's just that you need to know that that's what's happening so you don't get lost in. That your ideas are the only ideas because there are thousands of different ideas and the opposite idea of you that you don't like, those people are getting a constant feed of that.

That is how everyone thinks because they are liking and experiencing that part of the world. So just know that what you're seeing isn't. You really have to be discerning on what's going on. And you really have to pay attention to things that are faked or things that people use like certain headlines to really get you to click on and go into their story or ideas.

But it [00:15:00] really, it's like, um, they're using the words against you so that you would go into it, but it really isn't. Um. A hundred percent truthful or isn't from the person that says it is. And now with AI you can probably fake just about anything. So you just have to be really careful about what you are really believing or what you're what you're putting all your faith into.

Just make sure that you're really looking at where is this from, who is, what is the source of this? Just so it can help you to be better at deciding, you know, what's really going on and, and what you want to put all of your faith into.

So I guess what I want you to think about is I just want you to set some healthy boundaries. I want you to. Be able to have a balance of using social media and enjoying it. I, there's lots of things on social media I enjoy, [00:16:00] uh, watching. That's fun for me. Really pay attention to how different platforms or different people you follow, how they make you feel after you watch 'em.

If you watch some of their stuff and you're, you feel sad or down, or. Angry or upset, then maybe have a less I don't wanna say. Necessarily unfollow all those people, but some of them you may need to unfollow other people. Maybe you just need to know, I'm not gonna watch that person's things today. Like I need a break from that.

And make sure that you're getting outside and you're experiencing real life, not just looking at your phone or other devices. Or in your video games all the time, like, get out and see other things. Be move your body, get active. I'm a sedentary person, I've told you so many times, but it, it does make you feel better to move around and experience something different besides your screen.

So that [00:17:00] is something that you should do. Make sure that you really look at your thinking and reframe some of those thoughts. If they're mostly negative or scary or hurtful, how can you change those around to where. It doesn't drag you down mentally, and if you are being bullied or harassed online, you need to tell someone.

And there are ways or things that you can do about that. And we need to make sure that, that we do that and not let people take advantage of us that way.

If you are feeling overwhelmed or you really need some help right now, you can call or text nine eight eight and they can help you. A plan or something that you can do next, what your next step should be and get some help if you need it, because that's okay. The, these really heavy subjects and heavy things that are said and done [00:18:00] on social media.

Really do affect people's mental health, and we need to be really careful about that and we need to be paying attention to it. And if you can't handle something that maybe someone else seems to be handling, that's okay. Everybody's different. Everyone has different personalities. I know for the most part what I can handle and what I can't handle.

And I have really good boundaries in my mind of, you know, what I let bother me and what I move away from. And. I've learned these over the years. So if you're younger, you may need some help with that, or you may need to really think about how will you create those boundaries to help you.

So good luck navigating social media. It is difficult. I have some, some more ideas about that next week, but I wanted you to, to be thinking about this and I'll share some more things next week. On the podcast, I'll talk to you soon.