Hacking Self-Mastery: don't skip these 3 pillars if you want to get great at self-transformation or helping others change

What makes some people capable of extraordinary consistency while others struggle to maintain even basic positive habits?  

The answer lies in 3 foundational pillars that shape all human behavior. A framework so powerful it can transform not just individual actions, but entire organizational cultures. 

The first pillar, stories, operates as the foundation of all behavior change. As your host Angela Shurina reveals through compelling personal examples, the narratives we construct about our circumstances directly impact our capacity for action.   

The second pillar, incentives, addresses the fundamental truth that humans consistently pursue what feels rewarding. Drawing on insights from behavioral science and thought leaders like Mark Manson, Angela reveals that sustainable habits require emotional or social rewards that make difficult behaviors meaningful.

The third pillar, triggers, explains why good intentions often fail to translate into consistent action. Through practical examples of environmental design, Angela demonstrates how strategic placement of visual reminders dramatically increases the likelihood of performing intended behaviors. This same principle works in reverse for breaking unwanted habits. 

When combined, these 3 pillars create a comprehensive system for behavior change that far surpasses traditional approaches based solely on willpower or motivation.  

Whether you're struggling with personal habits, leading organizational transformation, or coaching others through change, mastering these 3 elements will unlock unprecedented results.  

Try applying them to one behavior this week and experience firsthand how powerful this framework can be in creating lasting transformation.  

Transcript

Introduction to Self-Mastery's 3 Pillars

Pillar 1: The Power of Stories

Speaker 1 0:00

Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of your Brain's Coach Podcast. My name is Angela Shurina, I'm your host, I'm your executive leadership transformation coach, partner in change and just someone really passionate about figuring out human behavior and how to shape our own behavior and behavior of people around us and cultural behaviors so we could create the outcomes that we want in ourselves, in people around us and in the world. And on this podcast, as you know maybe not know if you're new to this podcast, not know if you're new to this podcast we explore science, research, stories, cognitive biases, best practices and, most importantly, something tangible, something that will help you to deliver better results more change, more personal and collective evolution. So you don't just realize or learn something, but you actually make a difference in the world. So, without further ado, let's dive in in today's solo episode dedicated to self-mastery. Guys, by the end of today's episode, you're going to learn about three key pillars which, when you master them, there's going to be no limit to what you can do in terms of behavior change. And again, not just your behavior, but also shaping behaviors, people teams, your behavior, but also shaping behaviors, people, teams, organizations around you, depending on what scale you decide to focus at any given time. So three pillars, three aspects that shape human behavior, that when you understand them, when you start aligning them and manufacturing infrastructures and systems around these three aspects that shape human behavior, you'll be amazed at how powerful you can get at changing yourself, changing people around you, perhaps even changing organizations, cultures and the world. So let's dive in Pillar number one, and they're actually equally important.

Speaker 1 2:30

But I think I want to start with the stories. Pillar number one is the stories. It's what's happening inside of your head, what you're telling yourself about things that happen to you, in your environment, in the world, about your motivations, about your resources. Let me give you an example First, maybe an example from my personal life. When people ask me Angela, how do you exercise or do certain health habits so consistently Like, how do you get motivation and discipline and willpower? And the truth is I don't Just like all the people who you see doing really consistent, hard, challenging stuff for years and years on end. Yes, partially it's a habit, it's a big part. But even on hard, challenging days and in hard challenging times, they still stick with it. Even when they're thrown out of their habit, they move. Their job changes, their life circumstances changes, I don't know they get injured. How do people who create this consistency and maintain this consistency?

Speaker 1 3:49

And, by the way, guys, I had accidents where I broke my ribs, six of them, where I shattered my shoulder blade and I couldn't walk for a week and I went back to exercise almost immediately, as I could walk, even though it was painful and because my lung was punctured. It was also uncomfortable to breathe. I would almost faint while moving and exercising. Like, why did I stick with that? It's all about the story that I told myself and keep telling myself about exercise. And what is the story? And the story goes like this Okay, I don't want to exercise or it's painful. That was the case when I was injured and I have all the excuses, because of my circumstances, not to exercise. But I choose to exercise because I know that, even though I don't want to do it, even though I don't feel like doing it, even though I have all the excuses not to do it, even though I don't feel like doing it, even though I have all the excuses not to do it and maybe many people will advise not to but I know that when I do exercise, I feel better, my emotions are better, I have more energy, I think better, I make better decisions. My life progressively gets better after I exercise and, just like with shower or brushing your teeth, the effect is not permanent.

Speaker 1 5:13

In order to get and keep this result, you need to keep showing up, and so the story that I'm telling myself is yes, I don't want to do it, I don't feel like doing it, but it's going to create a better future for me. I'm going to be becoming that person that I'm proud of, and not only that, the quality of my life will go up. I'm going to feel better every single day when I exercise. It's like when somebody asks me in the morning how do you feel, especially after exercise, I'm like it's all the way up from there. That's what exercise does for me, and that's the story that I tell myself every time my willpower or discipline, or whatever that might be, goes down. That's the story that I'm telling myself, and I'm used to telling myself all the time, on repeat. And just like with exercise. You know, in order for your muscle to get conditioned, you need repetitions. So the new story that you decide to tell yourself it's not going to become your automatic response or autopilot right away. You need to repeat it, repeat it, repeat it until it becomes your new mental habit that you will use every time, for example when you don't want to exercise. So a story.

Speaker 1 6:31

Ultimately, we all, human beings are stories-driven machines. The reason why you choose to do certain thing or choose not to do certain thing is because the story you decided to tell yourself and sometimes you might not even realize that that is the story. Another example from my life, a few moments in my life. You know, I struggled with it for quite a bit. I would tell myself or I wish I had this, or I wish I was born in a different place, or I wish I had this education or this opportunity place, or I wish I had this education or this opportunity or that, and that would make me feel disempowered and I would have less energy and will take less action. Because I thought that with this circumstance I'll just never be good enough or not ever going to have a chance to pursue my dreams or achieve my goals. And that was a very disempowering story which held me back for so long.

Speaker 1 7:27

And at some point I realized that that story did not work for me. It made me feel worse about myself and about the world. It stole my energy. It stole my motivation. I didn't want to do much because I thought there was no point anyway and I wouldn't move far enough in life because of that story. So at some point I decided you know what this story does not work for me. So I'm choosing a different story, because what you have in your head is your choice, is in your 100% control.

Speaker 1 8:04

So I decided to tell myself more and more often and seek examples that confirm that, and then also see that playing out in my own life, after which I did not need that much confirmation from anyone else. So I decided I would tell myself these circumstances that I'm in, the opportunities that I'm given or not given the exact person that I am with. You know the place of birth and the age and everything. I'm exactly where I need to be, as I need to be, to achieve my goals and dreams and desires. Because, just like my age, place of birth or any other opportunities or circumstances, just like they are a part of my life, my desires and goals and dreams are also a part of me and they exist as one whole. And if I have a desire, I will have all the opportunity and all the chances to make it real, another kind of story that empowers me.

How to Identify and Rewrite Your Stories

Speaker 1 9:01

Every day I wake up and I want to do shit and I feel good about myself and about my life and, objectively, I do more things and I am getting more results. And just again, just like with any other story, it's not something that just going to come to you automatically because you decided to have another story. No, you need to do repetitions before it becomes your automatic response. And so now I chose a different story and because of that, my life goes in different direction, because I make different decisions and I take different actions, all because I decided to tell myself a different story. So that is a pillar number one, guys, that if you want to master yourself like you truly want, to be not in control but in full capacity to navigate your life, to direct your life as you want, if you want to be the captain of your ship, the ship of your life, that's pillar number one that you need to master the conversation that happens in your head. And a good way to catch the conversation, that, a couple of ways to catch it the conversation that works for you or doesn't work for you.

Speaker 1 10:26

A, if you feel disempowering emotions. That is the moment disempowering emotions. That is the moment usually a little bit before that, when you tell yourself a disempowering story. So analyze your feelings. Stop yourself when you feel something that you don't want to be feeling and ask yourself where is this feeling coming from? What am I thinking that's causing this feeling? That's how you start catching the stories that might not be serving you. So that's number one, I think.

Speaker 1 10:52

Number two you can do a journaling exercise that goes like this, and I recommend doing this to all of my clients who are struggling with student conversations in their head. I ask them to sit down and, in a piece of paper, start writing down the emotions like doubt, for example, self-doubt or doubt about the direction of your life, any other emotion that is disturbing to you, that you don't want to be feeling, you know. Write down those emotions and then ask yourself what are the stories, what are the thoughts that are causing me to have these emotions? And then briefly describe each story and then look in each of those stories and ask yourself which ones serve me and which ones don't, and the ones that don't, one by one, ask yourself how can I rewrite this story so it makes me feel good about myself, about the world, about the situation, whatever that might be. And that's once you rewrite the story, that's what you're going to start repeating to yourself every time you are in this situation. That creates this story that doesn't serve you. And so that's the exercise to develop this area, this pillar of self-mastery, which is required for self-mastery. There is not a person on earth who mastered themselves but did not master the conversation, the stories in their head like none, zero, right. So this is ground level. If you don't master that, you'll always be struggling more than needed and more than you'd like to. So the second pillar of like the first stories, right. The second pillar incentives.

Speaker 1 12:43

Human beings are very adaptable creatures. In fact, they say we're the most adaptable creatures on the entire planet, and the way we adapt to the environment to be adaptable, we read the context. A lot of this happens beyond our conscious awareness, so we read the context. The environment you are in social, physical and our brain decides. In order to succeed in the situation, we need to take certain actions, and so these actions are incentivized in order for you to achieve some success in this given environment. And so the more you uncover these very often invisible incentives that your environment creates, the more you'll be in control of your own behavior, because you can then rewrite the stories around your success, around your incentives, around what's rewarding to you or what's meaningful to you. So then you can start acting on new incentives that you choose.

Speaker 1 13:54

To explain it better, let me give you an example. Let me actually read you a quote by Mark Manson. He's a bestselling author, does a lot of work in self-development, famous podcaster, just a very, I think, prolific thought leader, and he writes about this area of personal development, personal growth and how to create the life that fulfills you. So he has this quote that he posted on LinkedIn not so long ago you so he has this quote that he posted on LinkedIn not so long ago Unless you're being emotionally rewarded for something, you'll eventually stop doing it. No matter how much willpower you have To stick to a new, positive behavior, you must find a way to make it fun, exciting or emotionally valuable in another way. So what it speaks to is this idea that, in order for you to perform any behavior, to change any outcome or result or who you are as a person, which is a byproduct of all of your behaviors, you need to reframe, which means tell a different story to reframe, which means tell a different story about the behaviors you need to do so it feels rewarding or meaningful. How so, let's say, I very often would give to my clients different journaling exercises in order for us to create a reflection habit, so they are more aware of what they do, how it affects their life, their results in business, personal life, health, right.

Speaker 1 15:29

So journaling For a lot of my clients it's not something they feel is rewarding, something they want to do or something they're used to doing, and so we start figuring out how to tell ourselves stories, how to connect journaling to some result, some reward that is meaningful to them. For example, when I journal, I become more aware of how my actions are connected to the results I get, how maybe the way I speak is connected to the way I'm perceived as a leader, or how certain emotional responses affect the meaningful relationships that I have in my family. And so every time they do journaling exercises and they discover something, they realize something and because of that they change their actions. I ask them to reflect on the fact of journaling. Like you see, journaling works Because of this. It allows you to see yourself better and before you can change yourself or what you do. You need to see it, and so journaling is a way to see it, to see what you need to see, to change what you need to change to ultimately get different results in life from the ones that you're getting and you'd like to change. So incentives Now, making things rewarding, understanding why it's meaningful, like when you want to exercise, for example.

Speaker 1 16:54

Many people approach exercise like some sort of torture, like I have to exercise. You see, that is not rewarding, you're not incentivizing it, you are decentivizing it. And that is the problem. As Mark Manson says and behavioral science, the science of behavioral change psychology, confirms, if you find something not pleasant, repulsive and not rewarding and not meaningful, eventually, sooner than later, you will stop doing it. And that goes back to the pillar number one stories.

Speaker 1 17:30

Very often for human beings, all you have to do to make something rewarding or at least meaningful, like. You might not ever like the exercise, even though most of the people who start exercising consistently, they eventually find it quite enjoyable and rewarding. Even though you might not like it at first, you can make it meaningful, like because I exercise, I choose to exercise, I will feel better, I will show up better for my family. As a leader, I will have more energy to do the things that I want to do, and then in 10, 20, 30 years I will not have pains and I will be able to take care of myself when I'm 80 and 90 and I won't need any help and I'm going to be able to enjoy my life so much fuller, so much deeper for so much longer. Like, isn't that freaking rewarding? And then again it might not be always pleasant, but now you have meaning and it's fulfilling and you understand why you should care and why you do care and eventually, again, it's either start becoming part of you or you start finding joy in it as well, because very often people don't exercise because they think it's all boring and difficult, until they discover something that they actually really love while moving, and so that's where you also start really enjoying it, just for the fun of it.

Pillar 3: Creating Effective Triggers

Speaker 1 18:51

So incentives, rewarding and here what's very important to understand your main reward is not a cookie or some money, two kinds of rewards that humans find naturally the most important and meaningful. A your emotions, like you got to feel fulfillment, meaning, it's got to mean something to you. The second one socially rewarding, let's say, if you start exercising and you start getting compliments about your energy, about how more positive you are, how more proactive you are, how more confident, how you look better, or somebody keeping you accountable, and you have a group of people who you do exercise with and who you keep each other accountable, like this social reward. Maybe your kid now looks up to you or your spouse and you feel like you're a great example, right? So all of that it's very rewarding for human beings. It's a lot more rewarding than money or cookie or anything tangible. Those emotions, the praise, the rewards, the recognition, emotional rewards and recognition, social recognition those are the most rewarding things for human being. And just again, making it meaningful, like truly meaningful understanding why it matters in your life. So that is pillar number one learning how to internally creating rewarding experience around, whatever it is you need to do. So pillar number one stories. Pillar number two incentives. And they are very much connected. Again, you can do and eat and I don't know. Try to get the same thing. When you tell yourself a different story, you will feel different emotions. And now the third pillar triggers or even simpler terms, reminders.

Speaker 1 20:52

I always tell my clients that your brains autopilot, or your brains decide to take action. Very much like your phone decides to run a program or application, you on your phone, you press a button or you touch the screen, touch some icon, and your phone jumpstarts a program, an application. So your brain works very similar in a way that when your brain sees something like back to journaling what I often do with my clients who at first forget to journal, of course it's not part of their usual routine. So I tell them where do you usually spend your time? Their working desk, usually a place where they spend a lot of time by themselves. Where they have time, they have attention, focus, all the resources needed for journaling. So I always tell them okay, take some great journal that you like, or just any journal piece of paper, a pen, and put it on your desk, something that you would see all the time when you sit down to work, see all the time when you sit down to work. And then I will tell you not do anything but just journal. When you remember about that, and guess what happens? After sometimes weeks of not remembering it, all of a sudden they start journaling just because it's there, and every time they see it they're like Angela told me to journal, and when they see it every day, several times per day, eventually they journal Very often the last piece that you need to make any action consistent and, guys, please understand, your brain is always running millions of things, thoughts to-dos do and things to remember, so there has to be an additional you might say push trigger that will remind your brain.

Speaker 1 22:50

Hey, there is another thing that you said you're going to do because it is important and meaningful, as every time your brain sees it, it triggers a thought and that thought, given the time of the day and the opportunity, will trigger an action. Now, obviously, you know certain circumstances. You're not going to be journaling every time, but the more you see it, the more you trigger that thought, the more chances you're gonna get this thing and start writing. That's why all the habit gurus recommend, you know, if you want to try jogging, put your shoes by your bed. If you want to start exercising, put your gym bag in the seat of your car. If you want to start I didn't do anything Make it visual. If you want to start eating more healthy food, like, put your fruit out, put your protein stuff out. Don't hide it somewhere in the cupboard where you really see anything. That's how you trigger your brain to run the right programs of actions that you need to perform to change yourself, reach your goals, change the circumstances.

Combining All 3 for Lasting Change

Speaker 1 24:04

So three pillars stories, incentives and triggers. When you combine three of them, you're going to surprise yourself how easy it's going to become to change your behavior, to specifically start new behaviors. Now, when you want to stop a behavior A stories still apply you need to tell yourself a different story and figure out number two, incentives and rewards. You need to figure out what is this rewarding about this behavior that I keep doing this and how can I make it not rewarding? Or how can I tell myself a different story so now my brain gets a different meaning around that? Or how can I make it socially not rewarding? Maybe I will tell someone that I want to stop this, somebody that I respect, and then I feel bad if I keep doing this behavior that I say I would stop right. How can you make it less rewarding? How can you tell a decentivizing story? And then, third, how can you remove the trigger so you think about that thing as little as possible? And, yes, sometimes it's challenging, but it's always possible. Better is always available. I always tell this to my clients. Better is always available, perfect and as good as it can be. Not always available, but better always is. So to sum it up, again, three things, three pillars stories, incentives and triggers.

Speaker 1 25:41

This week, try it out. Take any behavior you want to do, you want to break, and run it through, maybe even with ChatGPT. Run it through this. Three stories. What is the story? That I'm telling myself? That if you want to start the behavior, that doesn't make me want to do it, right, what is the story? How do I change my story so it incentivize the behavior? Now two incentives how can I make it more rewarding Now, especially at the beginning?

Speaker 1 26:12

Maybe you need to I don't know get smoothie or the protein bar you like, or after your exercise, or for communication. Maybe you get a thank you from a person, right, that's also rewarding. Maybe you ask people to keep you accountable and every time that you do the behavior, you get the encouragement from those people, right? So how can I make it rewarding? And then, number three triggers. How can I remind myself or disremind myself if that's the thing that you want to stop, to start to stop this behavior? Try it out as an experiment and I bet it will work better than anything you tried before.

Call to Action and Closing Thoughts

Speaker 1 26:50

So stories, incentives and triggers Three pillars that when you master them, you'll become limitless in your ability to master yourself and help others to change. That's it for today, guys. Some behavioral science, some coaching methodologies, some cognitive behavior coaching for you here. Try it out, because it's not going to work if you don't work it. So try it out. If you have any questions, please reach out info at yourbestculturecom. It's my new email info at yourbestculturecom. And please do share and share a snapshot. Talk about this podcast so we reach more ears and change more lives. So thank you for your attention. Thank you for listening. Run the experiment If self-mastery something you want to master and till next time, keep growing, keep changing, keep becoming your best future self.