5 steps to make stress your superpower. Bio-psychological toolkit to improve your performance and health under pressure.

Stress is going to show up if you are doing anything that matters. The real question is whether it turns you into a sharper, healthier version of yourself or whether it drags you into dread, overthinking, and burnout.

You will leave today's podcast episode with a 5-step emotional regulation and stress management toolkit to become more resilient, improve your performance under stress, and recover better while you climb.

Subscribe to Change Wired Podcast, share this with someone who needs steadier nerves, and leave a review if it helps.

What is one stress trigger you want to turn into a challenge you handle well this week?

Transcript

Welcome And What You Gain

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Change Wired Podcast. My name is Angela Shorina. I'm your host. I'm your partner in change, personal and collective evolution, growth and transformation. Your executive health and high performance coach 360, and just someone who is obsessed and very passionate about human potential, our evolution, growth, and every day tapping into more and more of our resourcefulness to create more life in our years and to create more positive impact in the world. Today, guys, by the end of this podcast, you're gonna learn a couple of very important things if you wanna live extraordinarily life, fulfilling, meaningful, joyful while going through a lot of challenges that come with trying to achieve more things and pushing the boundaries, pushing the envelope and getting after things that are outside of your reach. So you're gonna learn how to get frustrated less with life and challenges and things not going your way because those very things like your frustrations can get in the way of you doing your best and creating more impact and creating more change and growth. So we're gonna learn how to get less frustrated with things that don't go our way, so you get more into effective states for action and just dealing uh with life and feeling good. The second thing you're gonna learn is how to improve and maintain great health while going through a lot of challenges instead of burning out or getting worse health outcomes. And the third thing you're gonna learn, you're gonna get a toolkit for how to perform really well under pressure, under stress, instead of letting your brain to switch into this narrow thinking, automatic responses and having just less resourcefulness under stress, under pressure that we need to go through and work through if we want to push that boundary or that

Life Gets Harder As You Grow

SPEAKER_00 2:35

envelope and achieve something that we were not able to achieve before. And all great leaders, people who achieve a lot, they learn the skill. And it's life never gonna get easier when you get higher in your development and in your achievement and your results. It's like in the gym. When you go to the gym, if you want to keep growing and keep achieving and even keep maintaining a certain level of fitness and performance and perhaps lifting a certain amount of weight, things don't get lighter, right? You probably know that. And then things get lighter. No, if you go to the gym more often for more years, you will lift heavier, you will run faster with more intensity if running is your thing, you will get more, I don't know, flexibility, get into more gymnastic kind of elements, depending on what you want to work on. But let's say lifting, it's not gonna get lighter. It's you're gonna be able to lift more and more, but it's still gonna be more and more work. The same in life. If you want to achieve and maintain certain levels of performance, income, business development, on your leadership journey, things will not get easier. You will build more capacity, but things will get heavier and heavier, more and more challenging. It's like climbing a mountain, also. When you're closer to the summit, it doesn't get easier, it gets steeper, and sometimes there is less oxygen, so it actually gets hotter, closer to the summit. The higher you go, the steeper it gets. And that's how life works works. And if you want to get higher and higher, but even to maintain this that same high level of output, you need to learn how to maintain great health, great performance, and enjoying the hard work while you're doing that, right? And that is the skill that high performers, high achievers learn, and that is the skill that allows someone to climb higher and stay there and keep growing. And that is the skill that is a part of emotional regulation toolkit that we're gonna dive a little bit deeper today with specific strategies. You know, in my life, guys, I learned that there are three things that frustrate and don't allow me to do that frustrate me the most and don't allow me to do my best work and get into my hat too much, making myself a worse performer. Three sort of truth and notions that until I really got it, it was like a lot of things used to frustrate me a lot more. So, three

Why Balance Is An Illusion

SPEAKER_00 5:40

truths that I learned, perhaps they are useful to you as well. Once you start leaving them, life gets a lot less frustrating, even though things will always not go your way. Right? So, balance is an illusion. Like trying to balance it out, have work-life balance, and having all in all perfect ratio and going all according to your plan and always have all the ducks in the row. Like that is an illusion. Sometimes it happens, but it's not what life is. Problems are a part of life. No matter how high you go, you're gonna have problems. And the higher you go, the bigger your problems are. So you might as well move on and deal with life as it is, not as you wish it were in some imaginary ideal world or scenario in your head when you have all the time, all the resources, and all the ducks again, just get in one row and stay in one row forever. Like that doesn't exist. And the reason why I wanted to to why I wanted to share with you this is because this is how life is, and that's also what they mean when they say pain is not optional, but suffering is. Life is just the it just doesn't owe anyone to be perfect, and people not people don't owe you to be perfect and good and polite and humane and on their best food towards you. Nobody owes you shit, but balance is an illusion and problems are a part of life. These are truth, argue with me, but I guarantee you that is how it is for everyone else out there. That's how life is. And so the first step towards not being stressed by stressful things is realizing, is normalizing it, is realizing this is normal, this is how life is. You're not special, this is the condition of humanity for everyone. Not everyone will tell you about all their problems and all they have to deal with on a regular basis. Well, some people do tell you all of that, but most of the people trying to be nice and you know not unloading all of their issues and problems and struggles, etc., on everybody else will not tell you that. But that doesn't mean that life is perfect for them at all. So pain is not optional, suffering is. So that is the first kind of notion or understanding of that, and learning how to live with it through it, not just know it. Once you really internalize that, like a lot of things will get a lot easier, even without all the tools that you are about to learn right now.

Do Hard Things To Feel Better

SPEAKER_00 9:00

You know, a friend of mine, I bumped into a friend of mine not so long ago, and he commented on my consistency in the gym. He said, You know, it's inspiring how you often show up for the gym. Like, how do you find motivation? And I told him, like, you know, sometimes it the this past couple of weeks and months, it would get so hard I would cry, but I would still show up in the gym because A, I understand that problems are part of life, but B, I go to the gym not because I feel good, but to feel good. To feel good, because I understand how brain chemistry, how biology of feelings works, and that when you do exercise, you always do feel better because it changes how your brain works, it improves blood circulation, it creates uh certain brain chemicals like dopamine that make you feel good, that makes you want to get out there and actually live life, engage with life. And a lot of things with stress regulation, emotional management, you do them because you know they work, not because you want to do them or you feel like doing them. So that you want to understand before diving into the tools, because you want to realize you want to accept the fact that uh you do certain things like eating your vegetables or taking your vitamins or doing the exercise, not because you feel good, but to feel good, or at least to feel better. So that is step number one. Step number two about emotional management in general. Now that you sort of accepted the imperfection of life and that you do things in order to feel better, not because you feel good, you don't take your vitamins because you want to take them, you take them so you feel better than you would without them, and there is no lack of scientific evidence showing that yes, you do benefit from that, right? And from things like exercise and from things like sleeping well. But anyhow, once you accept this and as reality, as reality shows us it is true, uh the the next one is realizing that your emotional responses and your stress response as well depends on two

Stress Is Biology Plus Story

SPEAKER_00 11:24

parts. First is biological. So, stress in general and emotions in general is a biopsychological phenomenon. What it means is both stress response and emotional regulation, they have two components. One is your biology, uh, how your brain, your body work when certain things happen, and the second which is not in your control, and the second thing is psychological, which is in your control, and that is your appraisal or the stories, the narrative that you create around when evaluating certain things that happen in reality, that happen in life. So, part of again, emotional management, stress management is uh realizing that hey, there is a part that I cannot control. Like, for example, if you get out there and you decide to do a cold plunge, your body will release certain hormones being in cold water because it is a stressor. But even if let's say somebody shouts at you negative things or tells you the thing that you don't like, like the first response is gonna be biological. You're gonna be your brain gonna release some stress hormones and you might have uh blood flushing into your face, or your heart rate and your breath rate gonna accelerate. But so that is like immediate response, is slightly different for different people, and also does depend on the amount of training you do. When your body and your brain habituate to certain things, they are less stressful and there is less stress response, but still, for example, cold water, no matter how you slice and dice it, it's gonna produce biological stress response, certain hormones and neurotransmitters and molecules gonna be released in your body and your brain. But then there is psychology, which makes the which changes the effect, the lasting effect of emotion and stress. And that is the difference between, for example, chronic stress and acute stress, or something that you experience for a brief moment and something that you keep experiencing for, I don't know, hours, days, and sometimes months. The difference is again this narrative that you create in your head. Like, for example, if somebody shouted at you, like, okay, this is sometimes what happens with this person, or not everybody has a good day, or like, okay, whatever, you know, they don't like me. So, but I'm a good person and I have, I don't know, give the life that I enjoyed, that I love creating, and I have a good sense of uh self-worth and etc. etc. etc. It's not the end of the day. And even if you're like bullshouted at you, you know, you always can adjust, you have resourcefulness, even if you lose your job, you can create uh additional opportunities because you're a smart person, etc. etc. So that is a narrative that would produce less of a negative kind of stress, which is a threat response, and it's gonna linger a lot less, meaning that shouting, somebody shout it at you, incident, it's not gonna stay with you biologically. Your body will respond, and then you tell yourself a coming story about your resourcefulness, and it will go away, and you're gonna go on living your life and go on with living your day. Whereas if you keep telling yourself things to expand this stress response, like, or what am I gonna lose my job, and I'm never never gonna find my another dead job, or I'm gonna be jobless for that period of time, and it's a bad time in the economy, and I'm gonna struggle, I might lose my home, and da-da-da-da-da. So that stress response, which is called threat, stress response, is gonna last longer, stay with you longer, have it has a possibility to become chronic, has a possibility to make you lose sleep, has a possibility to uh make your blood sugar disregulate your blood pressure, and you body brain producing more cortisol, and you not feeling great, your uh blood pressure again going up, or different things happen when you prolong the stress response with the story that supports your victimhood, so to speak.

Threat Response Versus Challenge Response

SPEAKER_00 15:55

In science in general, they separate two kinds of stress responses: threat and challenge. Challenge is when you think that you are up for the job, so to speak, when you think you can meet the demands of life or a situation and you can handle it, that your resources are bigger than your the demands of the situation. Uh, whereas the threat response is when you perceive that demands are bigger than your resources, and you're kind of a victim, and it's kind of happening to you, and you don't really have resources to handle it, uh, internal, external, right? So, challenge and stress response, physiologically, they're different. So, when you tell yourself a story about your resourcefulness, cardiovascular system, heart pumps, more blood, and your vessels dilate, more oxygen and glucose to the brain, so your brain gets more nourishment, uh, neurochemistry, adrenaline plus DHEA, which is neuroprotective hormone, so your brain again gets better, cognitive effects, focused attention, faster processing, better decision making under pressure. Feels like excitement, readiness. I'm up for this. So, this is what happens when you tell yourself a I can handle this kind of story about a stressor. Then threat response is when you tell yourself that it's too much, I cannot handle this. Cardiovascular heart works harder, but vessels constrict less oxygen delivery, less blood circulation to the tissues and to your brain. And that's why chronic stress or feeling like victim prolonged periods of time is so detrimental because simply one of the things that happen, you deliver less nutrients with less blood, less oxygen, uh again, less nutrition that is needed for your cells to function well. You deliver less of it prolonged periods of time, that's why it's so detrimental to your health. Then we have neurochemistry of threat response, adrenaline plus cortisol, which makes you use more fuel, which makes your blood sugar elevated, which uh optimizes for short-term performance, or so you don't bleed also to death. So blood goes to internal organs, not so much to get into your brain and to all of your cellular machinery. Your body does not do any long-term uh repair really well because it's concerned with short-term survival. So a lot of things change and happen differently when you tell yourself a story that I don't have the resources to meet this situation, and you feel like a victim. Cognitive effect, narrowed thinking, threat scanning, impaired working memory. Basically, you kind of make yourself dumber by telling yourself you cannot meet the situation and it's too stressful. And it feels like dread overwhelm. I might not survive this. And the key part here again, the first response to any stressor is biological, it's short-lived, it's not up to you. To some degree, it is like if you train again more in cold water, there's probably less stress hormones circulating when you do cold exposure, but there is still some. But the second thing is uh psychological, which is up to you in the moment, and sometimes it feels like it's not like your thinking happens automatically, but it actually is, and you can interrupt it right then and there and change it and instantly like this, feel better and more empowered in the same situation. And

Build Resourcefulness With Five Tools

SPEAKER_00 19:44

to do that, you need to focus on increasing uh your uh resourcefulness, uh remembering your past wins where you handled difficult situations. I love my clients to go through this exercise, which I call confidence stock, when we enlist all the past wins and challenging challenges that they handled, and all the great things that they achieved, and everything that again that they were able to deal with in their life till this point. So confidence stock. Thinking about all the support that you have in your life, your family, your friends, so you're not like you know, one in a desert without no water and no resources. No, you have a lot of resources and you have a lot of skills. So thinking about that and listing all the challenges you went through, your wins, what you overcame, this will help you to create a story and a state of hey, I have a lot of resources to meet and exceed the demands of the situation, I can handle this, right? Also, reframing your state of arousal into it is also recommended to public speakers, instead of thinking, oh, you know, I'm nervous, uh, we'll be able to handle this. You think I'm excited. My body and brain are preparing me to do my best. So I'm excited. That's why all this butterflies and and tingling and maybe a little bit breath witches or heart rate elevated, and my breath rate is far is faster. What also helps, uh, so we we talked about reframing, we that I'm excited, not I'm nervous, actively uh remembering all the wins and all the challenges that you overcame and your skills and support system. The third one is meaning and purpose. Thinking about uh why it all matters and why you need to perform well, and why it's important to go through this and to handle this, expand the expands perceived resourcefulness as well, right? That's why knowing your why, knowing. Why certain things are important, why you're doing them is so powerful because one of the things it does is increases your feeling of resourcefulness, making you feel bigger than your small self. And then at the same time, reducing this is tool number four for stress regulation, emotional regulation, which will allow you to perform better, to be in this challenge response when you're like, I can handle this, when your heart is pumping blood towards more cells in your brain. And so you think better, you're just a better, more resourceful, more capable person, right? So the fourth tool, again, let's first recap. Number one, you think about all the resources you have, all of the challenges that you overcame, all the wins that you've done, all the skills that you've acquired over the course of your life, or your support network. The second one, the second one is thinking about uh reframing your state instead of like I'm nervous, I don't know what to do, I don't know if I can handle this. Instead, I'm excited. My butt this accelerated heart rate and breath rate, my body and brain preparing me to handle this, like I'm ready. The third one is meaning and purpose, why it's important for you to show up, for whom you're doing it, not just yourself, but also maybe your family, maybe bigger cause. It's very important in puts yourself into a resourceful state because it makes you feel a part of something bigger than yourself, like you know, there is a whole universe behind you cheering you on for this important cause. Tool number four is working from the other side, asking yourself, like, what's the worst case that's that's gonna happen here? Let's let's say your boss shouted at you, so what? Even if you lose your job, so the what's the worst thing that can happen? You might, I don't know, in the worst, worst case scenario, like sleep on somebody's couch and double down on working for some employment until you can figure out more ideal situation, right? For most of us, like worst case scenario, like you're not gonna die, you're gonna be just fine, and all of you probably have a lot more resources. So the worst case scenario isn't that that that bad, right? So you making smaller the threat itself. It's kind of like uh imagining this big monster that is after you, and then you sort of look more carefully at it, and you realize I actually the monster is really small, and maybe it's made of maybe it maybe it's a toy, maybe it's made of something I can kick and it will fly away, right? But just making the threat what it is, not that big at all.

The 4 In 8 Out Breath

SPEAKER_00 24:52

And then uh physiological regulation, and by that I mean actually controlling your biology, and you have a very powerful tool to do so. Your breathing, the way you breathe, so uh focusing on your exhales, making your exhales very, very long and deep, and slowing down your breath rate will also slow down your heart rate, and it's a sign, physiological sign to your nervous system that hey, we are actually okay, we do not need to run away from predators, we are in a safe situation, we have everything we need, like time and resources to handle this, and we can take our time and think through this. So you prolonging your breathe breath out is a physiological sign to yourself and your nervous system that we are okay. So, how can it look like four counts in, eight counts out? That's what I love telling my clients because it's super simple and it's super effective. And yes, you can do all other kinds of breathing, and they're probably better for some purposes or as in some scenarios. But just doing that, making sure that your exhaling is twice or longer than your inhale. I usually close my eyes as I'm doing right now, and I breathe in for the count of four through my nose, and then breathe out for the count of eight. With my lips pursed, so I can control better my breathing out rate, especially if my heart rate is already elevated, so I need to do a little bit better job with regulating my breathing out. And do three, five cycles, and you'll not only feel that your heart rate is now beating slower, your breathing rate is slower, you all of a sudden start feeling calmer, and your thoughts will become more rational, and you'll see more perspectives, and it's like a the clouds all of a sudden go a separate way, and there is opening, and maybe there is some sunshine. Like, uh, actually, the situation isn't that bad, it's not that catastrophic, catastrophic, and the elephant isn't that big, it's kind of like more as a cat. Okay, so and that is very powerful. It changes how you feel in your body, the thoughts that you're having, and your emotions. So, this is five-step protocol for emotional regulation, for stress management, under pressure and under stress. So, you get into challenge response capable, which also improves your physiological health, your psychological uh state, your performance physical and cognitive. So you get into this challenge response under stress, under pressure instead of a threat response, which is more like a victim, where you make your health worse, your feeling worse, your performance worse as well, and you get a chance to get into more chronic stress and just not do well.

Recap And Share With A Friend

SPEAKER_00 28:24

So, five tools. So let's recap them. But before we do that, don't forget, guys, to share this podcast episode with at least one other person who might not be that good at managing stressful and challenging situations. And because of them, they just can't get out of the loop and cannot address certain challenges and growth opportunities and instead just keep looping on the same level, or maybe even not feeling that great and getting closer to depression and anxiety and all that link, right? This five-step toolkit is a very powerful and effective research-backed protocol that, when deployed consistently, you not only get better at deploying the skill set of emotional regulation and stress management, you also get better at climbing higher peaks in life. And because of that, your growth and your trajectory in life is gonna accelerate and gonna lead you to some extraordinary places, and you're gonna be having more fulfilling, expansive experience. So let's recap and wrap up. Number one, resource appraisal or thinking about all of the skills, all of the support networks, all of the wins, all of the challenges you overcame, increase awareness of your resourcefulness. So that is number one. Number two, reframe your aroused state, your maybe heartbeating faster, your breathing faster. Maybe you can even think like, oh, I'm nervous. You're excited. You're excited about the challenge ahead, and your body and brain are before are preparing you to do your best. Reframing. Number three, meaning and purpose bigger than yourself. For who? Because of who? Because of what cause are you doing that? What does it mean in your life and the life of others? Imagine, like, there is a whole universe behind you on a mission to through you create some more positive impact, right? So, three meaning and purpose bigger than yourself. Number four, reduce the monster, make it smaller. What's realistically the worst case scenario here? Like somebody will not like you or will think, I don't know, that's you're a silly person, or that wasn't that great. So what? Not the end of the day, right? And number five, breathe, breathe in for the count of four, breathe out for the count of eight. Repeat it three, four times, and everything else will go a lot better. Thank you guys for tuning in. Thank you for listening. I hope you found this episode insightful and very, very useful and applicable to your life. Thank you for listening. Have an amazing weekend, and till next time, keep growing.