Ep #51: Fear, Courage, Big Dreams and the 4 C's

This one concept can change everything as you head toward your big impossible goals! Leave inspired and looking forward to being couragrous as Slayer shares about the fear she is experiencing in writing her book and how she is overcoming it--much like she did with weight loss. Dan Sullivan's the 4 C's had a big impact on her journey and she shares here how the understanding can help any of us move toward the big epic impossible goals.

Heartsing Podcast Episodes mentioned here:
Game Changers (more about Magic Morning Pages)
Einstein Time "I AM Time" (take your power back from Time)

Books mentioned:
The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra
YouTube: Dan Sullivan's the 4 C's

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Transcript

Do you know that there is something magical inside of you, but you don't know how to uncover it. The Heartsing podcast is dedicated to just that helping you put yourself first and figure out what lights you up. I'm your host, Addie B AKA Slayer of Namaslayer. And through my journey of losing nearly a hundred pounds, uncovering the magic of my soul and building the life of my dreams.

I'm leaving no stone unturned in the process of self discovery, and I'm here to share it all with you. So let's get started. Welcome back. You amazing, beautiful souls to the Heartsing podcast. I am so grateful to be in your ear today. If you are just joining them on the podcast, I'm your host. Addie AKA Slayer of Namaslayer.

I am currently in Florence, Oregon on my RV adventure for the fall. As I'm working on writing my book, which is my life long dream. I'd still like to start off today, right up front with a question for you, ask yourself this 10 years from now, what is the thing you will regret not having done or take an action on you?

Got it. Now, keep that in mind. As we talk through this podcast, every time I ask myself this, the answer is to write a book. It's been the answer my entire life, and I have done a lot of things to look into it and even start, if you will, such as attending writers workshops, where I didn't actually write reading books on how to write,

which side-out Stephen King's book on writing about this about writing obviously is amazing. Even for non wannabe writers. It's really good. Of course, he's an epic storyteller. So why wouldn't it be I've read hundreds of books maybe more. I'm not sure, but I've been an avid reader since I was in fourth grade and I had to get glasses because I would binge read sweet valley high books,

well into the early morning hours, by the light of my alarm clock. Anyone else remember those books, by the way, more social conditioning about the blonde than popular, pretty girls cheerleaders to boot, right? I digress though. That's another topic. So long story short, I've read a lot. I see my life writing. I actually write a lot now to myself and I had spurts of it where I try and then I give up over the years,

but I was always called to do it was just always there. I could never make it a habit for long though. And I didn't study it in school somewhere along the way. I decided I should have a business degree, right? Not an, not a creative arts degree, which by the way, get this, I got a bachelor of science in business management,

otherwise known as a BS. NBM. Yeah, exactly. BS and BMR. Right. All right. Now that I'm done cracking myself up, back to the writing. So I would start a couple of chapters of something and then lose interest and stop sound like any other goals you have maybe a lot of mine. I know I always had something with writing on my vision boards.

When I moved from Hawaii, I didn't move my writing picture. I actually remember throwing it away and deciding not to pack it. And my coveted writing books. I only shipped things in packages from Hawaii and I gave or sold the rest of my house as I moved back to Arizona. So it was a real Testament to what was important. And I remember my heart tugging a little bit.

I can see myself standing there still. And then saying, there was this voice in my head that said, you're never going to do this. You're never going to use this just to get rid of it, just throw it away. You haven't even looked in this box for a year using the old minimalism techniques. You know, I haven't looked at it,

used it. I need to throw it away. And when I look back, my body was a big, no, don't give up. I remember that heart tug. As I threw the image on my vision board, away of the writer on the page, it was like a sign of having given up. When I look back on it, I think part of my 300 pound ball and misery that started this entire adventure,

we're here for came from this, my lack of personal growth over like that part in my life over the 10 years or so prior of pursuing new things, big dreams, big goals, just giving up in succumbing to life as it was. Or as I thought it was to be, this was it right? But that dream didn't just die. It was just lying in wait for what,

perhaps for what this topic of the podcast was for me to figure out funny enough through my journey of losing weight, how to step into fear and take action. That's right. I said it fear. I feel fear. I'm scared. I'm scared shitless. I can't write a book. I'm not sure if I can do this. All of these thoughts,

swarm and swarm. It's the same way before I put something together, like a webinar or retreat experience I haven't created before. When I first started the podcast, I don't know quite what I'm going to create. I'm unsure of how to do it. I'm a ball of torment, all these other thoughts. What if nothing comes to me? What if no one likes it?

What if I can't do it? All of the fear-based thoughts, it was the same with weight loss. Those fear-based thoughts that were in there. What if this is just like every other time and I can't lose the weight? What if I start all excited? And then I put her out like I did every other time. What if I gain back the weight is I have over and over more fear.

These thoughts don't exist for me any longer. If they're still in there, they're overwritten, but they were my entire life until the past couple of years, as I've worked to build these new pathways in my brain and build new habits and really become a new person. I spent the past few years overcoming these and understanding my fear, my fear of doing something different of daring,

to feel an emotion or daring, not to look in my mind or braving the stillness inside of me. So I can actually hear my inner voice and the fear of failing the differences. Now I recognize the fear. I couldn't even, I didn't even know before I thought I was kind of fearless actually. I'm I do crazy things like pack up in the middle of the night,

moved to Arizona, tell my mom I do laundry, right? I'm that girl that left without a, without a parachute. Right? I know what fear feels like in my body now. And it's usually tied to anxiety overwhelm and it stems from these thoughts, but ultimately it's fear. And there's many things that have led to the paradigm shift I've had in this process.

That changed how I operate with fear in me and walk with courage. And I'm going to share a few of those thought processes with you today. And later on the big one, the four CS that was brought to me from Dan Sullivan via a link sent by one of my uncles randomly rate. When I was figuring out that fear was an issue for me,

typical universe, right there it goes. Here's what you need to hear. This was back in corporate Addie days and a few years ago, as I was starting to dream again and think maybe I could do big epic things after all don't quote me on the source either. But around that time that I got this link about the four CS I ran into this line from John that said perfectionism is just fear in disguise.

And by that point I had figured out I was a perfectionist and it was getting in my way. I needed to learn how to just get it done. I would procrastinate and not want to start things. If I didn't know how I'd be overly concerned about the rules and it not being right, just instead of getting it done and worried about failure. I had all the classic symptoms.

I was like when I heard him say that about fear and perfectionism, I was like, I'm not scared me. I'm not scared of anything. I can't be a perfectionist then, but I started to face the truth. As I watched myself procrastinate and started to learn new ways to manage my brain and realized it was that feeling of fear, which often came an accompaniment with these other emotions,

with these overwhelm and anxiety, I've wanted to be more efficient, manage my stress better, not be overwhelmed. The meditation helped, helps so much with this. And I was able to take steps toward really observing myself in my mind through because of that. And also the would work I was doing, but the meditation came first and it really started to give that separation.

This, it helped me really look at these spheres so I could overcome them and put these dreams in motion that I was a resurrecting off discard, a vision boards of the past. This is a great benefit of meditation. Not often talked about because in the Western world, we focus on the stress relief, right? But it also increases this. Self-awareness the separation of yourself,

your ego and your spirit. You can see your thoughts. Think about it. If meditation teaches you anything it's, then you can see your thoughts. Am I right? Because all of you guys are probably saying that's all happens in meditation. As I have a bunch of thoughts. Congratulations. You're more self-aware than you were before. Right? You can see your thoughts anyhow.

Okay. That was a squirrel. Speaking of fear, do you know what you're afraid of at your core? Have you asked yourself these questions? I think the biggest restrictor I had was fear of failure. And I still do on some level, of course I'm just have more tools to manage it. And I keep adding them and I've rewired a good portion of my brain.

They still, I have habits in place now, but it was not comfortable doing this. And let me tell you, it is still not comfortable back to the failure because this is a common fear. And one we deal with daily and the MEfirst sisterhood are like, our motto is our step away from perfect. Something's better than nothing. 1% Ida action items add up small changes.

All of these things are in place in our culture, in the group to help us do exactly this act. In spite of fear, in spite of being afraid to fail, we're trained into this fear of failure at school, by our parents. But if we don't do things right, not getting the right answers, you know, we're failing and it's not good to fail or taught,

right? We're not rewarded and told to look as an learning opportunity that you will fail your entire weight of success. No we're told we're shown you lost your chance. It's over, you failed you sock. You gotta D move on. So let's just say, I could see this fear rearing its head everywhere at work, delaying starting a project because I didn't know how to do it.

And I had all those thoughts swarming in there, saw it with my weight loss because of thoughts of what does it matter. Anyway, you'll just gain it back. All of it can be tied back to fear and reliance perhaps on what I already knew from my past, from past history and bringing that into it last week when my soul hijack the podcast and we ended up talking about the freedom and the law of detachment as a refresher,

this is one of the seven spiritual laws from Deepak Chopra's book on how to apply these to success. And the law opens like this and detachment lies the wisdom of uncertainty and the wisdom of uncertainty lies in the freedom from our past, from the known, which is the prison of past conditioning. And in our willingness to step into the unknown, the field of all possibilities,

we surrender ourselves to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe, this detachment, that detachment to the end result of the big dream of the big goal. If I'm not attached to the result, the perfectionism is at bay. The fear may still be there with him, me in there deep as I'm dancing with the universe. And I allow myself to be in this place of uncertainty.

I can move forward. I don't stay as paralyzed in a ball of woe is me. I can't do this. What am I doing? I want to hide. I'm terrified. All the things right. And detachment to the outcome takes away about 99% of those fear-based thoughts right there. Just that one simple little thought shift, right? Like it doesn't matter about the outcome I'm creating to create this detachment.

Spend more of a recent shift in my psyche. And I've been actually working on this for the past year. Writing allow in my planner, like just allow it, just create for the sake of creating, working on listening to my intuition, my gut, my heart, my mind noticing when I'm concerned about other people's thoughts or about what I'm creating or comparing myself to others,

being concerned about what the outcome of my creation is instead of just do creating to create, as I was talking to Renee and my spirit guides about fear this week, because last week working on the book, I was in a ball of fear. I can feel it before it even comes down on me. It comes down. Remember those big parachutes in elementary school.

Did you guys have those? We'd all stand around in a circle. And we waved this huge parachute up and down. And then someone had run under to the other side really fast. And sometimes it got dropped down on someone it's like that. It's like the fear just comes in, like drops down and covers me. And sometimes I like stay huddled in there in the middle of the parachute.

And I have to crawl out the other side other times, I feel like I can like bounce it up and spin it around and run it outside. So I'm telling Renee this about how I'm so grateful to have the tools I do to recognize what it is because I'm doing this. All of it, all of the big epic dreams I had put in a trash can or even hung on to.

And once you figure it out, it just makes it easier on the next big epic dream. And this ties into the four CS that we'll talk about. I tell my guides, I'm doing it. I know I'm writing the book. I know I'll be 1 62. I will not stop. It might take me a while to get back to the edge of the parachute,

but I will. I know how and I'll show others how to get out to through my books, my podcasts, my living, it that's my soul typing. Now, by the way, she's here. Good. Let's get crack console. We've got a podcast to put on so we can write a book. Let's do this. I was in a bit of turmoil last week though.

I created all this time. I set this scene so I could focus on the goal. I set a huge goal to write a draft on them. Florence. I know how low perfectionism, all of this, waiting to write, setting the scene, having time, all of it. Yeah, I see it too. But hang in there with me.

I'm a work in progress too always will be. And I'll be sure to show you I've done more than enough research on book writing. Let me tell you. And I could be in that wormhole forever as our dear dragon fire in the hood size shelf, help. That's all it is until I actually write the book knowledge sitting there waiting to be created in my book is just sitting in there waiting to be written.

But I scream inside. I don't like how I'm writing it and it's not right. It's not how I want to say it. It's not all the things. Yeah, I see it too. You guys F E a R fear. Of course, of course I can see it too. It's not my first rodeo with fear, not even this month,

just two weeks ago, we had a little dance as, as creating and putting the final touches on our fall camp experience. All of these things bring fear and I'm choosing it because I'm existing in this beautiful place of uncertainty where the field of infinite possibilities opens up this. I love about fear. This is the other side of embracing her. It's how I know him there that I'm growing and creating something new.

It's not bad fear. Like someone's chasing me and I must run. This is the kind I need to move into. And I get better at it all the time. And I do practice stepping into fear a lot, but I'm not going to lie and say that Ben and Jerry's, hasn't had a few visits from me as I've been some Netflix hiding a bit last week,

as I told myself, I needed a break that I deserved it, that I was tired from all the travel and moving. And I wasn't settled in yet. All the untruths, again, just my monkey brain, trying to keep us safe and give us dopamine hits, which unfortunately does not also keep us creating new magic for the world generally. So I allowed myself a couple of days with,

you know, Ben and Jerry, while I acted like I was trying to get my things set up. And then the voice inside, she was like, Hey, Slayer, it's time to get up time to get to the mat. For those just joining me, getting to the mat means my yoga mat and yes, much like going to the mattresses and the godfather.

It's a sign of war. It's a war, my fear one in which I don't dominate and conquer, but we reach a compromise. I can move forward and show her we're going to be okay. I can take care of us. I can manage our mind if she just allows us to get to the mat. And I can reach that place of separation of self,

where I know I am, then the magic proceeds, the full habit, stacking magic. That's the reason I was told by my spirit guides. The first time to build the runway, I would not have this process dialed in. If I had had it into entrepreneurship, right, right away, I would have been like had I entirely different journey. I would have been flailing a little more I'm sure.

And it would have been more of a hustle and not as much of a soldier journey. So I got my ass off this past week onto the yoga mat. Meditated did magic pages in plans and let myself feel the discomfort. I wrote it out to me. I talked it out to me. I reached out, I talked to you about it. I talked to Renee and my guides,

social media to my Mary's on the Marco polo. And here we are. It's like what Bernay brown says about shame that it can't exist in empathetic company. It's the same as true for me with fear. When I speak about my fear, normalizing and learn to feel and live with it by my side or step into it rather I'm, I'm free. I can move forward sometimes tentatively,

but I move. You know what else? That is? It's courage. One of the four CS, it's the discomfort we move through when we don't know something. When we're in this field of uncertainty where all the magic is where new things are created. Dan Sullivan shares fairs with the four CS. He tells us about all entrepreneurs and companies. When they show these big leaps in gross,

when they experience, they have to experience this phase, this phase of courage, he goes as far to say, it's not possible to feel confident and capable in something until you go through the courage phase, this is everything with a new goal or a big dream. You guys understanding this concept right here. Then you pick up the tools to help you manage the phases.

It's so good. You guys, and I urge you to listen to the short video. I'll put in the show notes and save it to your favorites. Go back to it. When you're needing a boost of confidence in yourself to get through the courage phase. So Dan talks about us getting paralyzed by this big thing we want to do, right? That we don't want to take action until we feel confident where I want to hide under the parachute.

And it doesn't work that way. Confidence is what we get after we make the breakthrough before we can be capable and get confidence. So here's the steps. First, a commitment has to be made. And then you need courage because it's scary. And we need to overcome fear because we don't yet know how to do it. And that's where the capability comes in.

As we gain the confidence, right? And then we get confidence from that. So it's commitment, courage, capability, and confidence. The difference between courage and confidence is that confidence feels good. Think about that. It feels good when you know how to do something, courage feels like shit, because we're committed, but we don't yet have proof that we can do this.

It's uncomfortable. Once we get that proof, that's when we can get the breakthrough, we want, think of the time you had breakthrough, think of something big. What did you commit to for me? Like, I'll use weight loss here, even though I'm not done. I finally, I feel like I'm in the confidence phase. Like I know how to do this thing.

Even though I'm awaiting my last little nugget, I'm confident, healthy B. It feels good to know this and to know how to do it. Finally, I committed. All right, just like I did with the book publicly. I told everyone I went live on Facebook and I told the world before I was ever a Namaslayer. I told all my friends and family,

I said, I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I want you to know I'm not stopping until I get there this time. And I'm sure there were people rolling their eyes. Or I had thoughts about this. Anyway, there she goes again on some big weight loss things. She's excited about the difference. I was so committed. I didn't care what people thought.

I was scared. I stepped into it. Anyway. I knew I would do whatever it took to figure it out. And boy did that take courage. It did not feel good. And most of the time over my weight loss journey, as I've been showing up, I show up to share my failures, my successes, but an awful lot of failures as I've lost and maintained over a hundred pounds.

Now I did not jump to be in capable and confident. That's for sure. I had to go through a lot of discomfort and step into a lot of fear to not only share my journey publicly, but look so deeply into myself and show up in spite of failure, learning to embrace the failure as path to my success. Really just accepting it. Being there takes courage.

At least to me, someone who's terrified to fail, right? To become a person embracing failure was mind blowing and it's happened over and over again. So a little list of things I've done in the past few years to that have resulted from going through this courage phase. And I share this with you because I want you to know this entire time I have dealt with this and I try to share it as much as I can as I'm going through it,

because I want you to step into that next big epic thing too. And know that it's going to be uncomfortable, that the fear is there, that it's going to courage and you have that courage within you. Look what I created stepping into courage instead of working for someone else, which you don't have to be an entrepreneur to step into courage. I did that in corporate America,

too, right? But they things I've created that are my creations outside of that environment. The me for sisterhood, the Heartsing podcast was a ton of courage. Doing those. You guys, what? A bunch of emotional drama around creating a podcast. Now I'm like, I'm a podcaster. I'm confident. I'm like, let me show you how to work audacity and edit your podcast.

I'm a leader of the me for sisterhood. I actually help show others how to do this thing that I hardly had the courage to start. I'm a course creator. I can coordinate online events. I can make a website. I can fast and enjoy it. The list goes on and on all because of this formula over and over and over again, commit courage,

capabilities and competence. Before you had the confidence in these big things in your life, maybe a project you did at work or an athletic skill before it was easy or something you're confident you can do. Maybe a new job itself. Think of that time, where you had to go through courage before you got the capability and confidence. Now think about what it is you want to do.

What is that thing that you really want to do? And can you commit and know that you're going to need some courage to get through until you're capable. And then it's just picking up skills and trying things and working out, stepping into the space, noticing when you're feeling uncomfortable and why, and trying to use all these tools to help you solve it and help you improve.

And we get better on the path. And every time you step into the fear and live with courage, gets easier and easier. Dan says many leaders say to him that they don't need to go through the courage phase that they have it all figured out. So they don't have to experience that. And he says, it's not possible. We all try to design a future where courage doesn't need it.

I'd like to offer that this period of courage is also that field of uncertainty, the area of the unknown, it's how we grow. And of course it takes courage because there's fear in the unknown. We're, primitively wired that way in our brains, but we also have gobs of social and environmentally conditioning. That programs us fear into us. So as you get accustomed to feeling emotions in your body,

feeling how things feel to you, you can recognize it for what it is and step in with some courage. And I want to leave you here with us today. The definition of courage, courage is the ability to do something that frightens one. We all have this ability. What is the thing that you are going to commit to? So hardcore that you're willing to go through this courage phase to get to where you're capable and confident you can do it.

I'm in this courage phase of writing a book, but I am, and we'll write this book and then I'll be capable of writing one in perhaps even confident. And after the book, the next big thing I do will be even easier because I've once again learned through my failure, which there'll be more on this path, but my failure last week, that's okay.

I learned I got back up and I'm not giving up. I'm not going to hide and say, oh, see, I can't do it no time to put my big girl pants on, dig up some courage and write this book to see all this drama unfold, to be sure you're following me on the social channels. I'll show you guys everything that's going on or as much as I can.

And I hope to see you out there committing and stepping into courage to listen. All great things in our lives, come through going through this courage phase, through creating these new things and living in this field of uncertainty and infinite possibilities. So go forth to dream big step into courage. And I will see next week bad-ass which isn't just while you're out,