Ep #53: Goal Discomfort: Making Big Dreams Happen

Okay, so we can dream...now, how do we get there? How do we stay on track to a goal? How do we know we are on the right path and not just chasing shiny objects? Join Slayer as she dives into these questions and how to GET IT DONE, sometimes despite ourselves. Slayer talks about the discomfort of writing her book right now, but also how this had related to her weight loss journey and how she was learned to push through and get it done. Leave with some key tips and inspiration for your journey ahead.

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Transcript

Do you know that there is something magical inside of you, but you don't know how to uncover it. The Heartsing podcast is dedicated to just that helping you put yourself first and figure out what lights you up on your host. Addie B AKA Slayer of Namaslayer. And through my journey of losing nearly a hundred pounds, uncovering the magic of my soul and building the life of my dreams.

I'm leaving no stone unturned in the process of self discovery, and I'm here to share it all with you. So let's get started. Welcome back to the Heartsing podcast. Addie B and my sidekick here, my soul coming at you hot today. My body will just not allow me to lie to it anymore. Every time I've gone off task to do something today,

I've had these little anxiety like pangs in my body, like screaming at me that I'm going in the wrong direction. So here we are. I hear you body. Let's give these witches and bitches a podcast to remember now, what shall we talk about? I asked her just right. She says, so here we are. What did I do before?

I just listened to my body? Pretty much nothing. I would just eat it, drink it, ignore it. I didn't even really know. My body had these signals to talk to me. I just thought I was causing all of them. Which of course I was that too. But I didn't realize it was there to direct me and communicate to me,

right. Actually, no, that's not true. I didn't realize I was causing all of them. I thought the world was causing all of them. It was everything but me. Right. I had no ownership of it back then. And if I would just still sit still and listen, and I know this now, but sometimes I still shove it down in the form of fiction books and criminal minds as a fleet.

Instead of getting to my yoga mat, getting still all of those things I have to tell you as well. I think the weather is really having its effect on me. And so me just for you to, I didn't really think it was a thing I had forgotten because I've been chasing the sun so long, but I can tell you if I lived up here in the Pacific Northwest,

which is incredibly beautiful, for sure, I would invest in some probably red light therapy. I'd be looking into biohacking, my vitamin D levels more. And my connection to the earth grounding sheets would be much higher up on my wishlist of biohacking products. Normally I just use the earth for this, but I can tell you all of that, I think has played in somewhat to my mood.

Shift that in the solitude. Now mind you, this was my dream, right? To be off writing in solitude with long soul field mornings, being able to create whatever I choose with my day. You can just see that vision, right? And I have that freedom now, and yet I'm seeking something more. I'm uncomfortable, a balance to this,

perhaps to being with people and being in solitude. I need to figure out how to add this to my vision and thank goodness for my online relationships, with all my sisters around the world. You all keep me going that's for sure. I don't know what I do without you. It's wonderful to know, or not alone on this journey. Especially one digging into this magic inside of us.

So in a conversation I had with one of these amazing women this past week who has been a client this year, but has also become a dear friend. She made this comment, that cup keeps playing in my head this week. And I want to spoof on it with you here today. I'm not sure of an answer or if there is one, but let's philosophize a little bit together.

Okay? She said she didn't want to be the person just chasing shiny things. Meaning not finishing things running from one thing to the next. And in the end, just filling up the space with something new and not getting to the meaning, right? Like that shiny new diet pill, you know, weight loss programs. For example, this one will be the thing I know that'll make the difference.

We hop on the weight Watchers app, the paleo, the gluten-free sugar-free the fasting big bandwagon, whatever one. And you all know. I think what we put in our bodies is important on a cellular level. It creates who we are, but our let's call it diet hopping. We will use to just illustrate this point of shiny things so we can start our philosophizing.

Okay. We can wax on wax off. So we start with WeightWatchers right? Of course. O M G it's work in it's. All I have to do is plug my food and an app, and it's going to tell me all these great things. And I'm losing weight. I'm loving the meetings where I can share my week and I've even roped my bestie in to come in with me.

And some months passed by and we become a little loss entrusted. It feels a little harder. We know works. Why can't we just make it work? Like it used to, it must be the diet. That's the problem. We see an advertise in our thread and oh, this is for you. Come see why eating paleo or keto or whatever,

sub whatever diet you want in there. Look, all these people it's worked for. And you can hop on that bandwagon. At first. That's exciting too. And you're learning to create all the foods and eat that way. And then you start to let the little stuff in and get farther away from eating what you did and why didn't it work, right?

All the shiny little things, doing all this diet, hopping, not looking to solve those real issues of why we are eating. What is it we're looking for? Why are we uncomfortable? What are we shoving down with the food? I told my friend that she was not chasing shiny things from my perspective and hers wasn't food related that because she was seeing through what she started.

Even, it might not end up being what she does. She was called to do this originally. And it, how it might not even be end up being there in the end, but understanding there's a reason she was on the path and that she was so called to start this thing she's working on. And when it gets hard, she's in that ball of fear and she's doing it anyway,

regardless of the outcome. But what if this isn't the thing for me, she questioned. And I asked her like, have you been learning things about how to show up in the fear? Oh yes. So much of it. So much of it that I explained is what we learn on this path to any goal. Cause it simply just doesn't matter what the goal is,

that there's lessons in it and reasons we need to learn those lessons lessons immediately, just as simple as that. And so Chris has got me thinking all week in the back of my brain, just wiggling there, right? Waiting to come together and out with a bunch of nuggets of knowledge that maybe hopefully will come out by the end of this podcast. How are these shiny things different from our breadcrumbs?

The universe leaves us in. Are they maybe they're all bread crumbs on your path because you got to where you are today. With that crumb there, I don't regret any of my shiny diet hopping. I've learned so much about my body and how to fuel it. I understand now that all my food is fuel quest. When I'm stagnant, I'm ready for a new knowledge.

Something to get me fired up. There's some little nugget yet to come to me in this place. It might have nothing to do with food, but you never know I'm open. Just watch him for that nugget. And meanwhile, I'm keeping an eye on the ball. Now I'm focusing on my other goal as well. And this is where we get to how important it is to have one primary goal that has all your focus.

And this is the book for me, Ray, right now everything's led to this moment. What is your main goal? That thing you are obsessing about? Fill your ears with this goal, your mind, your groups, all of it. I'm listening to a writer's podcast right now. When I see myself try to follow some shiny objects. My thought is the book focus.

The book that'll come back later. And if it's important and I did this with my weight loss, you guys said everything I had in my ears was about weight loss in my mind, work around that in urges and with alcohol too all at the same time, right? I'm listening to these things that are helping to reprogram my mind, to fill my mind with these things that are going to move me toward my goal.

And let me tell you, I don't want to focus on the book. The idea of the book is much more fun. So is the idea of skinny, right? Then the getting there. Did you know that? According to, I think it was the New York times, I cut this off at cough podcast. I think he was saying that 87% of people want to write a book and each year only 1% do this.

And I'm like, I'm going to be that 1% again, like with weight loss, do you know that also they say 1% of people lose. Only 1% of people will lose the weight and keep it off. I'm about 25 pounds. Give or take from like an actual, like they, that my impossible weight loss goal. Right. And it's been four years since I started this journey about two years of keeping off a hundred pounds or so.

And I keep moving in the right direction in this goal is conquered in my mind because I've changed fundamentally who I am. I just have different beliefs about food and how to show up with it. I also know that part of my work yet is moving my vision forward and I feel so good about myself. Hurry now envision myself at that 1 62, I'm still working on that.

Still a work on progress. I'm still becoming that version of me each time I shift my focus though from the food and weight loss and all of that, where it's constantly my ear in that one thing I'm absorbing. I know I slow my, my pathway to that like end goal a little bit. And I know this now I've done it a few times on my journey and I'll still lose,

but it's not my primary focus writing the book is, and it's hard. I want to jump at shiny things. What's your impossible goal. Do you want to run to shiny things to not to do like the work so to speak? I do. And they're appearing everywhere. I need to create the next meditation class. What about a new year's camp and a dates for the sisterhood at when do retreats and all the new sisters that want to join us?

I need a path finalized and now I have this awareness and I can see what my mind is doing. These are all great things that Namaslayer needs in place. Yes. In some I can do while I write the book, but some others are shiny obstacles right now. Look, camps are fun. Retreats are amazing. Creating courses are now fun because they're fun and already know how to do them.

Right? Writing my story has not been as easy as I imagined. And I'm uncomfortable, really uncomfortable. Not in the telling of my story. You guys all know my story or anyone that's followed me for a while. I've done this out in the public eye. It's not about baring. My soul is about like putting this on paper and unfolding the stories and what if it's socks and all those things that can come up at times,

I'm loving it and I can see it coming together. And other times I want to scrap everything and start over. I want to crawl under the blankets and hide and do none of it ever feel like this. I don't allow too much of this now because I can see it right. Instead I see it happening. And I peek out from under the blanket and I can see my yoga mat waiting for me out there that I so thoughtfully laid out for myself.

Just, just in case for a circumstance like this, where I don't want to get out from those covers. And I could see my first guide sitting there with my magic pages journal, ready. We can all pretty and shiny on the corner of the table. If you just get out of bed and get out there and move through the stuff, you'll find the courage,

get up. You can do this. Then I just move some mornings. I roll like a big ass walrus under my yoga mat. Like literally just plunk. And I pushed play on the video. And that of course also thoughtfully selected for myself the night before. So monkey brain couldn't have too many things to get in our way. And I start to move my body and I move through the fear.

And then I move into the meditation. And when I'm grooving, I don't need to have this conversation with myself. I'm walking on air. I bounce out of bed and go do it. And to be clear, I feel radiant. Like I'm walking on air a lot more than I ever used to, but I want you to know it's not a comfortable process,

but the final product, when you finish the book, when you finish that thing you set out to do, when you've created a podcast show or made a website or a course, or created a group touch someone's life with your creation, whatever it is that you want to create or put out into this world, that feeling when you finish that something, that feeling is everything.

And then we're onto create the next thing we're here to create, because this is how we're wired. If we release that attachment to outcome, we've already experienced in the process, what we were meant to experience in the creation of it. And as Abraham says, you know, we are gross seeking beings. It's like one of my all time, favorite quotes.

We are Crow seeking beings. We're meant to seek. How do we keep growing? And how in the moment can, you know, if you're feeling fear from the unknown that's making, you want to change course on what you thought was your path, or if you're having a negative emotion, because you're headed in the wrong direction, or if you're getting a positive vibe somewhere else,

because you're supposed to be doing that thing. So question isn't that. And I can only answer for how I've experienced it. So I'm going to share how I pushed through and complete things that are so hard that I feel this way. They're swaddled off in this package of fear that often feel like I just must be on the wrong path because nothing right.

Should feel the sicky. All right. I asked myself this question so many times over the past month, am I really supposed to write the book? This doesn't feel good. Mind you, every sign in the planet said, yes, write the book. But I keep asking. Of course, and of course I know this is all my thoughts to right.

And I think, goodness, I have my new power habit. My believing new thought work, where I'm working through intentionally all of these thoughts as well. So how do I know I'm not being sent on a path just because it's uncomfortable. My vision is a big part of this. As I develop this future vision that I see more and more of it every day I work on this for one minute,

you can run a mind movie in your mind so quickly, you guys be amazed. What kind of vision you can have by the end of the year, I see this piece in it. Now it used to be a dream. The book. Now I can see myself holding it, signing them for people, meeting them, laughing and smiling. I can see myself writing at those cafes in Europe and small town,

coffee shops across America, beaches around the world. I have this knowing in this vision, I can feel it in my body. I can see myself there having done this thing. And I know I will, but I do not yet know the how. And I've just decided I need to write the damn thing first. And because apparently 87% of you want to write a book too.

Let me share this with you. The writing, I guess, is only half the process. Then you have to promote it, do all this and other kinds of stuff that you can get in the house on the house. What are that? That just can amplify your fear and put you in paralysis. For sure. It doesn't mean I want to be totally blind to what has to go on,

but I also want to move through and get things done. So at this point, I'm like, just write the damn book, Slayer, get the book done. And as you see yourself at this goal that you want, whether it has to do with your body or creating something, if you can feel that emotion in your body, when you're there in that future world,

in your head, you can go there and ask, am I on the right path? Is this feel good? So this vision feel good. We spend a lot of time working on vision in the sisterhood that I think we need to mean spend more time in there. Quite frankly. I know I do. You show my, ask what I need to do to focus more on getting to my goals.

The answer is vision. When I can see it, I can ask more clearly for what I desire, which is the outcome. And I can know I'm on the right path. I can release it, let go, and just keep clarifying that vision and allow the universe to bring it full circle for me to bring these breadcrumbs. And for, you know,

I've done so many things on this path that I don't use courses I've taken that I maybe don't get as much as I thought I might get out of them, or I didn't really learn something new, but never once have I said are regretted doing these things. I believe I was there to learn whatever I needed to learn in that moment of doing that process,

whatever it brought me, once you set the goal follow through is the course because what you learn in the completion of those hard things can be everything we want to change our goals when they get hard. So often, because we just don't know this how there's a lot of fear in that take action, but let the how evolve to this is still a skill like floating on there.

It is just about that. Easy. I think I also think there's times we get derailed in that. It's just fine. Look, I, I was thinking how I ended up at the Chopra center. I, my goal was to increase my spiritual connection. I was going back to learn more about meditation and where could I do this? How could I find out more?

And I ended up at the Chopra center to further my own knowledge, but then I ended up in this course, Hey, I could teach this too. Are you kidding me? How magnificent is this? I could also give this gift to other people, oh, get, get out of town. Thank you universe. I didn't even realize that was a possibility until the universe delivered me there.

So just that act of following that, this thing and moving through it and it allowing it to take shape. It's completely changed how I've formatted my entire company. I also see myself get to real world when I'm reading books and un-self health books. For some reason, I have a lot that I'm done with them at chapter four or five. And sometimes I go back to them,

but sometimes I feel like I got what I needed. And I moved on, even when they've been really good. And sometimes like I said, I might work my way back there, but I just listened to my body. Now, if I get the death pains, he stopped reading. I stopped scrolling. It is sometimes I'll get them when I'm scrolling mindlessly,

I'll get that zap. And I'm like, okay, body JS today, I stopped working on putting small groups together. Cause that is so fun for me. I'm so excited about my new groups that are coming together, but it was also a shiny thing because to finish today, I needed to work on the podcast. So vision will bring the bread crumbs,

but it's also in the action of things that we find our nuggets and they might not always be in the packages we think they should be in, or they might not feel the way we want them to. In fact, if it's not feeling uncomfortable at some point, your dream probably isn't big enough or you're not stepping into action somewhere. Something is wrong.

If you're not uncomfortable, most likely. Right. And therefore, does that have to be true? This is why my new thought is, oh my God, it's also easy. So at some point in our history together, you guys, when I truly believe that thought, oh my God, it's all so easy. I will have to come back and renounce everything I just said right there.

But until it just all feels so easy. I know it will when I'm done, but in the process, it's feeling a little uncomfortable. So I'm working through that thought every day. How can it be easy? I know it's my mind that causes any discomfort. All right. So how do we get it out the other side? And that is the growth that is the power of showing up and stepping into the unknown.

And for sure, I wish it felt better to write this book, but I know that I will finish somehow in spite of myself. Now I know this, there was a time I wouldn't have known that about myself, that self, that wants to stay buried under the covers because now I know how to show up for me first in small steps each day and opening my heart more to this crazy beautiful field of infinite possibilities where I can do the unthinkable.

I haven't even thought about the crazy, amazing stuff I'm going to do yet. I mean, what have I not imagined? What's the universe going to bring to me next? You know, what came to me this week? Just being as I'm researching myself for the book. Yes. You're in there writing, going back through old journals and videos. I'm like,

how cool would that be to have a page that links all these milestone videos on my journey for the readers to see my transformation, like as I'm going through it, it's really quite something. And I mean, that's, what is maybe unique about what I've done to yes, losing the weight, uncovering my soul, challenging all these beliefs about my mind,

body and soul, all the, what I need to be true with just my heart open wide in live video and continuing to do it here. Then my mind thinks that's a great idea. And my shiny obstacle person wants to start gathering up all a bunch of videos and organizing them on a page. This is not writing. Can you see crafty? Our brains are,

how do I know this is not a bread crumb? It keeps me from the act of writing, of getting to my goal. It'd be fun to go back and find those old videos and make a page that will be fun. I will do that at some point. And that will also be fun because it's easy. I know how to do that.

It's also a great idea. Perhaps it can be done after you get the first draft down Slayer. I shiny object, right? The book, if I let my monkey brain hijack with too many brain babies, cause there's a lot of them like the book won't happen. And so breadcrumbs and shiny objects, goals, and vision balancing all of these things to get to your goal.

Here's the thing I think, even having a goal, but allowing for this field of infinite possibilities to bring us what we could not even imagined to plan, to start to ask what if I did this, but also knowing when you need to just put your head down and get it done, because you're just distracting yourself and not acting because it's uncomfortable. That's the difference,

right? It's uncomfortable. John Ackoff calls these things, noble obstacles in his book finish. When you said you were going to get that book written, but you decided to focus on all these other things that do appear to also need to be done. But so your book writing gets shoved to the back corner and then it just never gets done. And when you have that main goal,

you make something like this year priority writing about it every day, taking steps toward that goal. It's not easy or comfortable always, but in the action, the fear will dissipate. It takes a mindset and soul set work each day to make it doable. I mean, this is your big, impossible goal, right? What's yours becoming that person. You envision,

whether it's at a goal weight or your health or when you're an author, whatever the goal is, it'll be scary because you've not yet done it. You most likely have all kinds of self doubt wrapped up in this goal. We've probably already have all these things we want, right? The shiny things that can distract us in my experience. Most of those are either because I'm comfortable with them because I done them or I know what to expect,

or someone's done a great job marketing to me and has made it look easier. And that for sure, this is the solution like lose 20 pounds in 20 days, just take this pill, see all these people that did it to one of those, right? Like when it's looks super easy and there's no growth and easy. All right, very rarely is there growth there.

So how do you know when it's a bread crumb? I ask my soul, my inner, I am that knowing inside, I get still and look for that. Yes. In my body. And it comes in the peace and stillness and not when I'm in a ball of anxiety asking. So be sure to get connected with yourself when you ask what is true process emotion.

First, if you can, you're going to have fear on the journey expected. So start to notice what it feels like in your body, where do you feel it? My stomach gets a little queasy. My heart constricts, even sweat a little bit. It's uncomfortable in my body. When you can recognize the fear and just kind of know she's going to be along for the ride,

but we can manager. How can I just feel the fear and realize it's not that bad. One way I like to do you guys is to focus on that sensation in the body, whatever emotion it is you want to feel, and you continue to focus on it, to describe it. Like you're a scientist, take notes, even does it really feel that bad?

Allow it to be there and notice it, watch it dissipate. As you focus on it. If you focus on the sensation in your body, it will start to go away, describing it out loud, take some of the fear out of the emotion and we can ask the fear, Hey, this is all about getting it out on paper. What are you afraid of?

Where are the action items in there? How do we take action in spite of a ticket to this goal? And we move forward. Then the universe, of course, feeling our movement, our intention, we set to move toward this becoming of this vision. We have starts to deliver these signs to you, open these doors of possibilities. You didn't even see.

And you're like, Aw, that can be a sign. That can be a sign. And then some, and then it hits you over the head with you're like, all right, that was a sign. So what do we do? We get still, we write, we meditate. We spend time in nature. The more time we create to do these things,

the more we see the synchronicities appear. It just is, which is crazy to me. So yes, I'm talking about doing and taking action, but it's just a ma ma as much about just being, and this is the part I would bet. 99% of you struggle with this is the whole like reason in creation for the MEfirst process in the sisterhood is it was my biggest struggle because until we can truly shut the guilt about putting ourselves first to understand it's truly how we serve at the highest level to get in touch daily with ourselves first and foremost,

to cherish our bodies, mind souls in this earth. This is a part that takes us from shiny things to breadcrumbs signs and doors opening everywhere. I need to hear this today. As much as anyone out there, I guarantee you. Thank you. So gotta love ya. Love it when you show up, because I'm not quite sure I philosophize the heck out of the breadcrumbs and shiny things.

But I guess I want to leave you with is this building this trust with ourselves and ultimately the universe is what opens these doors. These pathways to our goal that ultimately will make it also easy. First. You must give the universe a path that clear vision. We don't cloud this vision with what other people might want. It's your vision. Your people will fit in at somewhere.

Don't worry about it. Don't let them influence your vision. Oh, my husband, wouldn't like that. Doesn't matter. You make your vision. See this vision daily, see yourself in it. Your body does not know the difference from you actually doing the thing or seeing the thing. Use the skill, use your mind to see your future and feel the emotion,

feel how good that could feel. Allow yourself to experience it and meditate, release this vision into the field of infinite possibilities. If you don't do anything else every day, do a one minute vision and meditate, release it, and now write and make goals. Track when every day, tiny little steps toward the goal. These little steps are everything we watch for our signs.

We ask for them. You can, you know, you can ask, you say, show me. This is the right way. And you open your heart and you get still getting that space where your heart gets warm and starts to light up a little bit and start to believe like in Santa Claus, but in the universe. And most of all in you believe you are worth any time spent in meditation at your journal,

walking in the rain, you are worth this investment in becoming the person in your vision. We create this experience. Let's start creating it one small habit at a time and follow those breadcrumbs. And even when I feel icky after you follow them, stay until you find the lesson never regret. There's always a lesson finishing feels so good. Set yourself up to finish.

The path might change, but set yourself up. Accountability groups, daily plans, all of these are great. And the process don't forget to put you first. I have a free intro to meditation coming up soon to you guys. The links will be in the show notes. I'd love to meditate with you. We also talk about the MEfirst process for anyone interested and learn meditation that you can take with you anywhere so you can get still and get out from under the covers when you need it the most.

Thanks for listening to my sweet sisters. I am sending you so much light love and gratitude. And until next week when I perhaps will be somewhere sunnier more soon, I will talk to you then my lovely