Ep #55: Preya, that little B! Imperfect Choices

Slayer opens up about a couple of weeks feeling out of her groove and making choices that aren't serving her highest self. The story from the Upinishads starring Preya and Shreya, everyone's favorite on the Heartising Podcast is shared here through the lense of Slayer's off plan eating, drinking and Netflixing. This episode is for all of you out there that are learning to improve our state of being, imperfect in application, somewhat diligent in effort, and all about getting back up.

Mentioned in this episode:

For the Chariot story and the King of Death and Nacheketa, Preya and Shreya
The Upanishads, 2nd Edition

The Heart Alchemist: 6 Stages of Spiritual Awakening

AddieBeall.com


Get Social with Me!
Facebook Namaslayer (LIVE weigh in Sundays at 7 AM Mountain / 9 Eastern)
YouTube Addie Beall @addiebeall2574
Instagram @addiebeall_namaslayer

Transcript

Do you know that there is something magical inside of you, but you don't know how to uncover it. The Heartsing podcast is dedicated to just that helping you put yourself first and figure out what lights you up. I'm your host, Addie B AKA Slayer of Namaslayer. And through my journey of losing nearly a hundred pounds, uncovering the magic of my soul and building the life of my dreams.

I'm leaving no stone unturned in the process of self discovery, and I'm here to share it all with you. So let's get started. Welcome back to the Heartsing podcast. Addie, be here, AKA Slayer of Namaslayer. When I start thinking about what I want to write in the podcast for the week, I hear a voice in my head like it's typing what I want to say to you.

Like Carrie Bradshaw, kind of except my muse isn't sex or New York city, and I'm not smoking cigarettes. I promise quit that habit twice in my life. Already more likely nowadays it's a Bulletproof coffee and a view from a coffee shop somewhere like today. The desert view from my camp chair back here in Arizona for the season. And as for those muses,

more like my body, mind and soul, and what the hell is going on in there this week. And today, prey and Strayer are making star reappearances in this episode for us to whack some poetic together on today. You know how they would start off sex in the city. Tam. I miss that show. Don't you guys, and they'd start the episode with something.

Carrie is questioning about relationships or sex or how women are viewed, and we see her typing there or something else and sets the tone for the episode, right? And this is what happens in my head for this episode. I hear sometimes when it feels like a phone away from my path, it turns out it's just what I needed. What if all these choices I've been making lately down the apparent what feels like the wrong path or direction?

The path of prayer are just what was needed to bring me to this moment now. And then the response to myself is, of course it was, of course it is, of course, because you are here and now, so what are you going to do about it at come on Slayer. Well, I'm going to share it with the world as I've done on this entire journey and open myself up to learn this next lesson in the process.

So here we go. This episode is for all of you out there that are like me trying to learn how to improve our state of being, and being imperfect in the application of it, somewhat diligent in effort and all about getting back up and learning how to fail and rise up over and over again, to maybe find the answers, the solutions and to what we often don't know,

or can we get the dream bigger? What can it look like? How do we really get there? I made it back home after a week on the road and I still haven't quite recaptured my heart sing. And I want to share this with you today. I've been going through some things for the past few months. It feels like, and I I've been sure to share here and with you as that's happening as I'm going through this discomfort.

So I can also share how I get out and move past. In all of a sudden, it seems like boom, I've done all these huge things, but it was filled with all these tiny little small actions and resets and ups and downs. And it's also great to share because in that we know we're not alone. We all have these times where we might not quite feel as radiant or in alignment.

And perhaps isn't that the point of the journey and how we find our way that ebb and the flow. It's not a linear line. That one goes straight or one that goes directly up that's for sure, definitely goes down as well. And all the growth I've seen has been because of discomfort of some sort, my physical weight loss discomfort came from learning to feel the emotions in my body are uncomfortable.

Why not eat them all? Are you kidding me? And from creating new habits also uncomfortable as your brain is rewiring itself. It wants you to stay in that same groove and keep you safe and warm and fat and set up for the winter, right? But whatever I'm going through right now, it's also uncomfortable, but I can also see myself causing it as well.

And I've ownership of this discomfort and what I'm doing to myself in the fact that I'm not allowing myself to feel it all. And this is where that little bee prayer comes in. And there's going to be some of you that I need to introduce prayer to yet. And others of you know her. Well, I hear a lot of you guys have also started talking about pray,

Ash. Prayer was out this week or Sreya whichever one that is right. So I figured why not kick off this episode, doing a quick recap of that story for those just joining and as a refresher to the rest of us that might need some reminding about why we want to choose the path of Sreya. And that is indeed our choice. It's been a year since I recorded the podcast episode on me first in about taking control of our chariots in our lives.

And it's fitting to bring this back now and for her to have come to me almost exactly a year later, it's also this time of year for me when I need this reminder for whatever reason, the fall for me, whether it's because I'm Vata and it's Vata season, and it's, I have Vata Pitta energy, or if it's just my mind in that thought in those moments,

you know, it's this idea that we have power in each moment. And once we have harnessed this awareness in ourselves where we're the observer of our actions in our minds, in the process, we can make more of these choices to serve our highest selves more and more. And I can tell you over the past few weeks, I've made less of those choices to fuel in the farther I get away from making those choices.

I see how slippery that slope could be, how easy it could just be to going back to numbing out all the time. And I don't want to be numb anymore. I want to be awakened who's with me. Okay. Onto pray in Schrader. Cause you're like, who the hell are these bees Slayer let's hear about them? This story comes from the essence of the Upanishads the,

which is a key to Indian spirituality. And this was translated by. And it's his interpretation of the Vedic texts that were originally passed down thousands of year ago. And they still apply today. Imagine that. Now we're going to try to kind of put a little bit today's twist on this story that ES Warren did, but in the telling of this really helps us get in the mindset of how can we make these choices to better serve ourselves.

This story starts with this kid, not Chiquita, a teenager that he's seeking the king of debt to learn about the meaning of life. It's already a great story, right? I love this story. And I think the metaphor still applies as much as it did thousand years ago. It goes about hand-in-hand with talking about taking time for you and your day and you first and why it's important and why it can feel so hard.

Sometimes Nick Nachiketa, the story starts out and he gets in a fight with his father and his dad basically tells him he wishes he was dead. So rather than the kid getting upset, it's he starts to think, Hmm, who am I? Why am I here? What happens after death? I wonder what would actually happen if I were to die?

Most of us can kind of think a moment in our lives when we've had these questions arise and we might even ponder them for a little bit, but then they kind of pass and we carry on, or we just keep consuming things and ignoring any of these thoughts. We have not this niche of cat. Remember he's, he's a, bad-ass teaching teenager,

he's invincible and full of conviction of himself. And he's not yet consumed by all the ways of the world. He is now on a mission. He sets out on his hero's journey. And here we are again with hero's quest and you will see this over and over because the quest starts on the outside, but invariably ends up on a journey. Looking with it.

We watched a video this week, this little squirrel here for one of my groups. And it was from this woman on YouTube called the heart alchemists. I'll drop the link to this video. Anyone interested in looking more at their spiritual awakening in that, and that path I'll link it below. It's really interesting stuff. She talks a lot about the hero's journey in this video and that our class usually begins from chaos.

Some people instantly, they call it a spontaneous awakening awakening. And by that, I mean the awakening to our true understanding of who we are that knowing that we are something more than just these bodies here on the planet, this knowledge that, of our true self or higher self and knowing whatever you want to call it, God universe, she, whatever label you want to put it.

So my chaos was the ball of misery, right? My 300 pound volume misery, which if you know my story that really set me off on my quest and it was a culmination of all these other things that we see in the heroine's journey, which has to do with family removal. You know, me being so far away from my youngest child, my mom being sick and dying and kind of all of these things happening at the same time,

me in a new place, new job just culminated into this ball of chaos, right. That set me off on this quest to find out what is this? Something more, which did not start out that way. It's a right. It started out as a quest for me to just try to get skinny. Cause it was only thing I knew to quest,

but I knew I had to get up. So I'd imagine you're probably on your quest now, or you're curious, or you've been on it. Was there a turning point for you or you do you maybe think you're at that point where you're ready to go on this quest? You know, some people spontaneously were awakened, like she said, so were you one of those fascinating to talk about right?

When we truly start seeking death, something more that is out there, right? Yeah. It's about the weight loss, but it's something more than that. It's that something more thing that, because that's what really matters, right? So back to the story, but it fits right in here. Our hero Nachiketa starts his journey where it's boundless in the mind and he settles into deep meditation for three days,

three days. You guys, can you imagine he's in meditation. He sets off in this infinite space of his mind to seek the king of death. And the king of death is not home. His servants are depression, pain war disease. And they tell the boy that they may never see the king of death. The king of death is too busy,

you know, with pandemics, war famine, all the other things he has going on Nicha Keta sits down to wait. He's determined to get the bottom of these questions. He's not waiting till he sees the king of death. And so it kind of is impression, depression and pain and all the king of death servants, right? He sits down, he waits for three days and three nights and meditation,

no food, no drink, no sleep, right? It's just meditating. And eventually at the end of the third day, the king of death comes home and he decides that not to Keta is a worthy pupil. He's had sat here and waited so long in meditation for him. And so king of death begins the lesson. He tells Nicha Keta there are five levels of consciousness reached in meditation,

but not only meditation, they must be translated into life and living. And the first layer is our physical body. And the other three layers are three more layers. I should say our senses emotion and the intellect, and then nearest to the self is the ego and the ego being our sense of I and these in these labels we have in this world,

right? And very few people can penetrate this late. Like Larry says, he tells not to Quetta that he he'll have to make this himself, but he will be there as a guide and tell him how. But this dude has to take the journey on his own and king of death. Can't do it for him. The king of death first tells him,

he must understand that we have the ability to make choices. No other creature has this and we should not avoid the responsibility. Each moment has a choice of one or two paths. The first path be in prayer in Sanskrit, this loosely translate to what pleases us or pleases the ego and the other path belonging to Sreya, which benefits us. It improves the half health and benefits.

The mind prayer pleases us. Now SRAM might feel unpleasant at the beginning, but as appreciated in the end, like going to the gym and starting to bench, press, you know, want to bench press 200 pounds and you start at five and it feels horrible to get up to that goal. Right? Sometimes there's probably a really bad example. I'm just going to leave it there.

Just to have a little laugh with me right now. Yeah. I'm going to bench press 200 pounds. Oh my. Sometimes they're both but generally competing for attention, right? So it's not often you get them together. So these past two weeks have had me thinking much more about prayer and I've been watching this, allowing it, seeing it even enjoying.

And if you will pray it with their sexy Netflix series and quick delicious food orders and with their sexy legs on a glass of wine prayer saying, snoozy alarm, you don't need to be up yet. Enjoy the snuggle under the covers. It's a cold, it's getting rainy. It's whatever, all the reasons right. Pria is like very good at keeping you comfortable.

And then there's, Sreya in her small study, quieter voice saying, it'd be nice to walk and listen to that book you wanted to, or let's make that salad with those things you like so much. Well, those sound great to me, to the quick reward what's sexier in that moment. What's easier. Right? When I have not put me first or made much of a plan to speak with,

it's usually like prayer. Like when there isn't somewhat of a plan in place and you're letting those five senses rule the roost. Oh boy. So pray you straight up. Not usually half a sexy, although much more appealing to me than years before when I allow these quick easy release to take over though, prey gets all primped up, man. She gets ready to hit the town.

So how many times do we take the quick, easy reward in follow prayer? You guys, I haven't seen so much of this be this past couple of weeks, ready to kick that. Be to the curb. Who's with me. Okay. Back to the story. So niche Acada the boy says to the king of death, there must be more of the story than just making decisions,

because we don't just get where we want to go. We don't know where we want to go. And the king of death, he's really pleased by this because the boy is so wise already. And he goes on to explain how prey and Shreyer like forks in the road. One leads to darkness in the other to wisdom. Pray. It looks promising at the beginning,

but leads into this dark space. And Trey doesn't quite seem as appealing, but takes us where we want to go. And in each moment we have a decision on the road, which way we want to travel. And there's a chariot traveling this road, your body, the physical self is this chariot. And it's drawn by these five feisty horses, which travel through time.

More than distance birth to death. The horses are your five senses. Your sight, hearing, taste, feel and smell. That's your five horses out there. Think about it. They're bringing you in everything from the outside world. So then your intellect, who's responsible for the judgment. This is the part of us that can make the discernment. And that makes us different from other creatures.

This is a driver and it's his job to not let the senses or the horses take us over the cliff. The rains that the drivers holding. This is a mind, your emotion, your desires. This is how all of those senses are processed. They come up through the reins to your driver on top, and they're supposed to communicate from the driver to the horses both ways,

right? We, your soul, your being your, I am the rider in the chariot, right? So your intellect as responsible for guiding the mind, your emotions and your desires so that your horses don't go wild. And when those senses, the horses are controlled, we're in harmony. We're operating from ourself, our highest self, the one that takes a proverbial high road that sold it in the chariot,

right? And we're getting decisions from there when we have the horses in control and in alignment. And when we chase prayer, when, when the horses go wild and they go the other way on the path, we can't hear it. See yourself in that chariot. You ask your driver to take you to whole foods. For some groceries, you notice after a few minutes that drivers like not going to whole foods,

you're like you lean out the window to the cherry and you're yelling up to the driver. Hey, this isn't the way to whole foods. And the driver slurring slightly. Cause he's wasted from all the information coming at them from the horses in your mind, right? He tells you don't worry about this. It got, it sounds like he's totally drunk.

He pulls up to your favorite Italian restaurant at this point. You're wondering if you should even be driving, but then he pulls up those restaurant. You know, the one with the amazing tiramisu and the red wine, that one. So only after you actually enjoy a couple of glasses in some pasta, you say to your driver, Hey, I told you we weren't going to do this today.

We were going to whole foods and your driver, your intellect, he's laughing because he's heard it before and knows that the horses have been running that routes to not you, not the person inside. So our intellect is all numbed out and it has these bad habits built up from all the quick rewards, right? The rewards of Preya, who we've been talking about and your intellect is meant to be efficient.

It's meant to keep us safe as quickly as possible. So we pruned out all these other decision-making paths them were when you didn't make new ones, the constant inundation of what we consumed is just done. It's a numbing out that part of us in these constant inputs through the senses. So how's the time. I don't know what you guys want. I can get too tired or depleted to take the road of Sreya.

Especially when I'm not taking care of myself. I'm not doing me first in the morning. And you know, Sreya is not remember half a sexiest prayer when I'm not prepared. And I don't have myself in alignment. Wait, when I'm making that decision in the moment, it's just not as smooth. And that's been me for sure. You guys too many trips passing by whole foods and pasta joint.

I'm like yo driver and drivers up there laughing at me. He's like, oh, we've had a couple of weeks. We're having fun. Slayer, the king of death. He tells us it's not a moral issue. He doesn't care. He says, it's up to us to choose it. Doesn't matter to him when one way or another, it's our choice to take the road where it leads us the road to pray.

Those should you choose that does not lead to longterm health and happiness. It's just as simple as that. It can be. We make it about all this other stuff. Think about the rains, your mind, the emotions, the desires that are being guided by this intellect to control your senses. Understanding the separation helps us to observe, to make changes.

For example, if you say you're depressed, it's not, you who's depressed. It's the mind, the rains that are depressed. You're in the chariot. You are not these things. You are not the rains, the driver or the horses, or even what they're experiencing. You're the rider. And can you see that? Sometimes it's hard to feel like where the writer inside when all this stuff's coming at us.

This is a lesson from king of death to Nachiketa to understand and live life, not from your senses, but from guiding your intellect to the choices of star. Sreya the ones that will lead us to happiness and health. And this is why we must take time to put ourselves first, not only so we can fuel ourselves before others so we can control our chariot.

We can train our horses so we can make decisions and build habits. That'll take us down that path of Sreya to health, wellness, and happiness, and not quick feel good. Dopamine hits. It's all so tied together. The focus on health in serving our highest selves and being connected on a blissful level, connected to spirit. And I don't even want to be saying this right now because I want to be connected and I want to pray all day long sometimes,

but when I'm out of alignment, I just don't hear it as much. And this is why I show up here every, and I talk about it and I keep working on myself because I want to be in more in alignment. And I also know is because I'm not making as much time to be still missed meditations here and there. Miss plans over eating and drinking Netflix,

they add up the skills, been actually really kind to me for what I've been doing. And a lot of that, because I've changed who I am fundamentally and just overall make better choices. And I know how to take care of myself better, but how I eat and show up in the world, you know, it couldn't be a slippery slope back to the prayer slide for sure.

And this brings me back to this king of death telling us also, it's not a moral choice. He doesn't care. Yes. I think this is one of my biggest lessons on the path it was taking out of the judgment and the shame from all of these things from always hiding them. A lot of them imposed on us by how we grew up or images or things that were pushed on us by religion or society.

I mean, hiding, smoking, because it was viewed as wrong, right? But the hiding of that, the shame that is implied by the hiding of it, like I was bad person and yes, I get the health aspects of it in my family just cared because what a care because of health. But I felt a deep shame. I think it goes from a religious thing right there and they get the health aspects.

But you know, also how M's, weren't wrong like smoking, but what about the health aspects there are. What about drinking gluttony? Do you hide when you eat? I have all the time we started in one of my groups this week, writing down everything, we're eating again, because it's really amazing what we convince ourselves we ate and what we actually did.

This awareness alone, melts pounds away. That's why food journals are required. So you can see what you are eating. Our minds are fickle beasts. They like to tell us what we need to this. Removing the shame from things was really huge for me from coming and just talking about it, sharing with you here, sharing with everybody all over Facebook.

When I was going through, figuring out is how it, especially with drinking, having thought there was always something wrong with me. Why couldn't I just drink? Like everybody else going from a defective human to one who was in charge of making choices, whether it was about wine, food, Netflix, my phone, none of it controls me. There's no moral code or judgment,

just a decision to make on the path and the decisions add up. And it goes both ways. There's no need to feel good or bad about it. Just make the decision and you move forward. And there's Sreya choices. Add up the healthy choices. And here's where I'm at with this. Now, after a couple of weeks with the excuses in the world,

right? All of the moving and the rain and the RV. And I don't have my habits tax it. Oh, poor woe is me Addy. Right? I want Sreya back. I desire her. She is like the sexiest beast to me right now. I am like hungry for her. And I'm starting to drool thinking about my life when I'm more Sri in it.

I choose to feel good. I'm not really taken a lot of time to think I've been consuming people, media things in my body. I'm tired. I'm drained. It's the opposite of what taking time for you would feel like or should feel like, which is how the prayer then started. I knew I was moving. I planned to really take November to just be and relax.

I've planned this on summer too, for November to be just kind of free balling. If you will, am I going to have to rate the podcast differently? However, it didn't really have a good vision for this free ball and plan for November either. I was a bit loose with it and I needed to pull. I need to pull the reins and I feel like I can,

I want to feel better. And when I don't have my am habits tactile, then I just feel less than me. I miss my meme. I radiant true self. Was that the lesson, this time to miss Sreya so wholeheartedly, I used to live my life this way. I can't imagine how I made it as long as I did without the ball misery hitting sooner.

I feel the anxious pangs too. And my skin's broken out in the desert. Still. My gut health is off. All I can think is I can't wait to get back in my habit stack in alignment. So why haven't I yet? I mean, it's been a couple of weeks. I'm the only reason is it's like, I've poked my toe in,

but haven't really taken the full plan. What am I holding on to? Why am I wanting to feel like this for any length of time, less than radiant. If you've gone through this where you see it in, you know it in, you're allowing yourself to do it anyway. Am I delaying my greatness as my spirit guides would suggest they're not worried about it.

I'm really not worried. I know where I'm going there. Isn't a worry about it. It's just like, okay, what's my lesson here. What am I doing? So many questions, my friend, and I'm going to ponder these and I'm taking some massive action this week. I'm in a rise up and I'm going to do it here with you and on social and find some answers to these questions is in an upper limit situation.

Did I make decisions somewhere as simple as my habit stack and here's how it's going down and get my RV set up. It's in a new location tomorrow. And I vow by Monday to have it all settled in and slip into my Phoenix habit stack. I just got a little flutter of excitement in my belly. Like I love that for my early morning,

walks to my coffee, shop my feet on a mountain, somewhere rollerblading in the side roads, near the park dip in the pool, reading, writing, creating, perhaps some in this void phase. The heart alchemists talks about in this video that I'm going to share with you about awakening, where you're floating between versions of yourself. The old self is dying off and the new is getting ready to birth.

And I'm in this cocoon. She talks about, I've already had a couple of these on this journey and you can. She talks about that too, where you can go in different phases of spiritual awakening at any time. In fact, that's a really good episode. I might do an episode about that, just talking about my spiritual awakening in the phases.

And so, you know, but taking care of myself better in the cocoon a little bit, or my cocoon might go through Chrysalis and then my wings might be broken or something. And this week's energy update was pretty cool too, because tonight, November 11th, 2021, it's a magical day for manifesting and I'm ready to bring in this new version of me. Do you hear me universe?

I am ready. Show me the past the sign. Am I part I'm going to get back to fully stacking getting back in alignment and have you guys have even missed meditations? I'm excited to dive back in. So maybe part of this void was to just appreciate how good it feels to choose the path of Sreya really starting to feel that. And when my body feels light lovely and powerful,

my mind is sharp and clear and my heart is singing. How are you guys doing? How are you feeling with all the energy right now? Are you ready to like rededicate yourself with me? Or maybe if you need to, or maybe you can send me some of your, your vibes. If you're at a rhythm right now, shoot me some,

I, I would love it. I'll be back next week with my journey on this self recovery path and back to more Sreya and a lot less of that be prayer. I've got a great podcast already about intuition too, that I was going to do for this week. But I really, I just had to talk about praying Sreya because it was what happening in the moment.

And I was just feeling it and called to share with you my, which is in bitches. So I hope someone else out there needed to hear it as much as I needed to speak it to you. And I'm just getting back up over and over again on this path of self discovery until I, until when I don't know, I guess you don't know until you're out your life,

sending you look back and you can see all those things that lined up to create your purpose. Just like everything that's happened leading up to this moment to create this purpose. All right, my dears, and till next week you witches in bitches flare out