S3 Ep 163 No BS Weight Loss: Losing 100lbs My Story Then and Now

Get ready to unleash your inner badass with this episode of the 'MEfirst Midlife Badassery Podcast.' Join your host, Addie B.—or as the world knows her, Slayer—as she takes you  through her epic journey of weight loss, self-discovery, and awakening the fierce warrior within. Addie doesn’t hold back as she spills the tea on  midlife weight loss and gains,  impacts of menopause, and breaking free. It’s raw, real, and liberating.

She shares her journey from losing over 100lbs and gaining some back and returning to the mindset with No BS Weight Loss that was so key on her weight loss journey. 

It's time to slay another 100lbs and you will bet fired up in the process too. One little step at a time. 

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Free Visioning Meditation (goes with Ep 160 Unlock Your Future: Create Vision for Midlife Transformation)

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Transcript

Do you know there's something magical inside of you, but you just don't know how to uncover it? The Me First Midlife Badassery Podcast is dedicated to just that, helping you put yourself first, uncover your dreams, and unlock your inner badass to light this world up. I'm your host, Addie B., also known as my badass alter ego named Slayer.

As I share my journey through weight loss, managing my monkey mind, adventure, and freedom seeking, I'm uncovering the magic of my soul. I'm leaving no stone unturned in the process of self discovery, and I'm here to share it all with you, so you can join me on this magnificent ride we call midlife. Let's get started. 

Hey, you guys, welcome back. Let's dive in. This week is going to be focused a lot on my weight loss journey and,  things I'm putting into action after seeing a fat pic from my vacation to Washington state. And just feeling like the fat is in the way. So while I say this podcast is going to be about weight loss and my journey there, it's going to be woven throughout, I'm sure with spiritual revelations, because that is where my weight loss journey has led me and where, when I know I'm out of alignment and the fat is in the way.

It's because I'm not listening to whispers of my soul and I'll probably uncover that as we go throughout this episode. You're getting another Slayer Live and Drive as I am really struggling with time. I'm in yoga teacher training, which is very time intensive. Me physically being there in person is a lot of hours a week and my job and oh my gosh.

And then last week coming back from vacation, I got COVID. Not that I want to depress you on this episode, so we're just gonna like glaze over that. I just want to let you know I am Still working on like mobile audio, all of that stuff. So give me some grace if it's not as perfect as usual. And you might've noticed last week, I decided not to mention it, but my regular microphone took a dump.

So now I'm on my mobile mic, just trying to figure out some of those things. Uh, so I can keep producing and putting my story out there and in your ears, because I've been hearing from a lot of you, Oh my gosh, that's just what I need to hear this week. Just that, One little thing like we're doing this, we're all like not perfect and we're failing in the process.

And it's the act of getting back up in the face of adversity that brings us to our greatness. And one of the big things I'm being reminded of in yoga right now and teacher training is the whole aspect of releasing attachment to the outcome. And you will hear me talk a lot about future self on the podcast.

And that is what motivates me. Last week we talked about aging like a badass and I had that great quote in there from Dr. Haver that was, uh, you know, the goal isn't to be thin. The goal is to stay out in the nursing home, which yes, we're all like, woohoo,  a hundred percent. However, that isn't what motivates me.

I'm not motivated by staying out of a nursing home. I'm motivated by becoming my badass future self. I'm a badass. Right? That is inspiring. It's not inspiring to think about not doing something. It's inspiring to create that vision and think about who do I want to become. So if we're not developing that visual, that image, that the goals, that This is where I want to go.

Then we're kind of just leaving that up to chance. You can't, your goal, just your vision and your dream can't just be, I want to be out of the nursing home. It needs to be, what do you want it to look like? Because you're going to call in wherever you put the energy. So if you put your energy into,  Seeing a nursing home that you want to avoid, guess what you're going to get?

You're going to get the nursing home, right? Like I have this episode on the podcast called the, uh, Amazon box of delivery or something like that. And the concept is, you know, how reliable Amazon is delivering stuff to your door, right? Like, are you there with me? Like I order something. So if when I was in Phoenix, it was same day out here in Hawaii, it's like a couple of days, three days, whatever, but the items are at my door.

And what if you knew Whatever you were ordering right now is going to be delivered to your door. What would you choose to order? And I see us censor ourselves so much because we think we can't have that order that we aren't smart enough or we're too old or we're never going to make that kind of money or have that kind of body or, you know, whatever it is that our minds stop us.

Whereas if you knew, and this is a whole process of manifesting something right. And the idea behind creating a future self and an alter ego to help you get there. So this week I did something just, I was like, I'm just doing it. So for those of you that have followed me a while, some of this might be a little repeat, but I want to make sure I kind of get my whole story in here.

Cause it's been a while since I told. my weight loss story in full, right? So back in 2017, and I can't even believe this has been like seven years now, right? That like I started this quest, but in 2017, my mom got really sick. She had reoccurring cancer and it came back and, uh, we knew it was going to be bad and be a long haul.

You know, I flew back across the ocean, left Millie here with her dad with the idea that he was either going to move over there if she didn't get in Kamehameha, this great private school, or, um, I would come back after the summer. And so I took the summer really nursing my mom, you know, just helping take care of my mom.

And it was, So great. You guys, I wouldn't change that time for anything that I really got that time with her before she passed later on it was she made it all the way to like 2019  or something, but we were doing the chemo ride. It was a lot. And I think I had this idea. Oh my gosh, I'm not going to be in a stressful job and I'm going to get there.

I, everything is just going to, I'm just going to be able to focus on me, take care of mom. This will be great. Yeah. for me and mom. Well, that was not the case. I got even bigger. I was already about 260 pounds when I went there and I had in Hawaii, my job had just gotten really stressful. I was over it. I look back now and I'm like, add your soul was just banging on the wall to get out of there.

Right? So I go back to Arizona. And I decided I was like, um, what if I, what if I just stayed here and helped mom, what would that look like? Momming across the ocean. My health in Arizona was typically much better because of my skin issues. I struggle with the, it likes the dry heat. Um, you know, and so there were some other factors playing into that decision.

I was like, you know, I'm going to go back to work here and we're going to see how this works out. So in a long, it just became what I call my 300 pound ball of misery. So my mom's sick, dying of cancer. I'm still helping with that. I'm at this big, stressful corporate job. I went back, um, to this position within property management that I was in and I just had some really challenging.

clients and properties and all the things, right? So I had all these circumstances that I thought were causing my bowel misery. Honestly, you guys looking back now, I can also see that I was in perimenopause and that my brain was probably at that point also being ripped apart by menopause. If you are going through that right now, it is no joke you guys.

And if I knew Then what I know now, I would have found a different doctor. I would have found someone that knew what they were talking about with women in hormones and menopause because my doctor didn't know anything. And when I asked to be tested, I didn't really get tested. I just happened with the, have this happen with the women in one of my coaching groups that she went to her doctor to test for menopause.

They didn't even test for estrogen. or progesterone. They didn't test for hormones at all. And listen, I'm no doctor, but I would think to understand how your hormones are performing, you probably need to test them. Wouldn't you guys think so?  I don't know. So anyhow.  Whew. Okay. That was a total squirrel. So I'm going through all this upheaval and I get to this moment that I call just, it was a culmination, right?

So I'm over 300 pounds at this point. It was like September, October of 2017  and I'm working the computer. My computer programs wouldn't work. I was just so frustrated. I was the last one in the office. It was like. nine o'clock on a Friday night. And I was like, F this. I want to just whip my keys at the wall and be like, throw a bunch of middle fingers up and dance out of the office and be like, screw you all.

This is one of those days. So instead I calmly shut my computer down and I went home. It was like I was a robot. Walked in the door, ordered Postmates, and I started Game of Thrones, which I hadn't really gotten into. And I lost myself to Postmates, which is a food order delivery system. And Game of Thrones for that entire week on.

And I just ate and ate and I probably drank, I don't remember drinking, but all of the things to just shove down this misery that I just wanted to scream from the mountaintops.  And On Monday morning, I woke up, I called in, which I never do. I, unless I'm like deathly sick or something, right? Like it's that old school, no rest for us.

Right. So I called in and about halfway through Monday, I looked around me and I was like, Oh my God, I turned into my father. And this had been always the thing. thing that I had sought to avoid. It's kind of like the concept of, you know, I'm avoiding being in a nursing home. I'm avoiding being like my father, right?

Like kind of like on the parallel, my dad died when he was 45. He was severely obese and I had always just,  sought health to not be like that, but I don't think I spent a lot of time creating the vision of what I wanted it to be like for me. I think we're shown a lot of pictures, a lot of things in the world that are like, this is what you should want to look like.

This is what you should want. This is what a family life should look like. This is what your body should look like. We're shown a lot of that. But what is your heart's desire? Desire. What is your soul really desire? And I didn't ever really have a clear definition of that. Although I will tell you, I was an amazing vision boarder and I did a lot of Jack Canfield work, a little bit of Tony Robbins, stuff like that in my late twenties, early thirties.

And then I kind of lost my way with self help and just let life happen to me through my thirties and forties, really until we're talking about this ball of misery. So that Monday,  I'm sitting there having this realization. Oh my God. I'm like my father. I had this whole come to Jesus forgiveness moment for him, seeing him in me, all of that stuff.

And I was just bawling. And I heard this little voice inside that said, get up, Addie. It's time to get up. And it didn't mean get up out of that weekend binging. It meant get up and seek. And the only thing I knew to seek was weight loss. It's the only thing I knew that I couldn't ever achieve in my life and be amazing at when I put my mind to it, right?

Like I would have these bouts of things where I would lose the weight and then it came back on and it's so different this time around. I can't even explain to you guys. I've gained the weight. but I don't have the self judgment, the loathing, any of that. I have had all those other times I've gained weight and it's because of everything I've learned throughout these past six years with, um, my mindset and life coaching, of course.

But also the spiritual aspect of what I've discovered within myself and my badass alter ego and realizing that I'm not this body and it's really easy to get in the body again and think that this is all we are and that this is all there is.  You have, in order to feel the other, to realize the other space, you have to create space in your life.

You have to create, have that in between pause and meditation. We call it the gap, you know, the gap that between the thought there's a space between every thought you have between every, um, every all 90, 000 of them running subconsciously in your mind every day. There's gaps between all of us. That space is. 

is where truth is, right? It's in the stillness. So finding that stillness and seeing that you're this observer of the thought,  okay, I told you this was going to get complicated. I go off seeking and I go to my doctors and again, no one's testing me for hormones. I mean, I'm telling them I'm having periods sporadically.

Oh, you're probably in menopause. Okay, well, what do I do? Nothing, right? I get no answers and I didn't know  enough about finding answers for myself. I, you know, I was going and seeking and asking these trusted people. So I go to see a keto doctor and she gets me excited and I start crying. I'm like, Oh my God, she made it sound possible.

And then she was like, well, it's going to be 400 every two weeks to get your blood tested. And I was like,  And I'm like, why? And she's like, well, cause you might die if you don't. Now that now knowing what I know about keto, I'm like, she's so scared me unnecessarily. Right. Like it was just really crazy to me.

And I understand they have to cover themselves, but I was like, well, that can't be good if I'm going to die. And I went to see about weight loss surgery. So. I went to one of those clinics, I was going to do the sleeve because I wanted to do something I could remove. I just need to do something to get me going is how I felt.

And I think a lot of people feel that way with the drugs right now, right? With using Ozempic or an LP one or whatever they call them. Right. And I was just talking to a colleague the other day, because I was like, Hey, you want to be my accountability partner? You know, like at work, I'm like, I need someone in my corner, you know, she's like, sure.

I'm like, Hey, So I tried to get her to join No BS with me, but that didn't happen. But she was like, yeah, you know, she's like, I'm doing all these things, but I got to tell you the, uh, Zumpik tempting. And I was like, yeah, but you know, like you guys, if you had diabetes and you don't have a choice, look, I don't want to put judgment on it, but just hearing about like muscle loss and, uh, all of those things combined with it, you have to do so much to combat that side that if you're doing those things.

If you're the person that can go do all of these other things. Dave Asprey with, uh, he's a biohacker. It's called the human upgrade. He's got a great episode on this on if you are doing these drugs, what you could do to counteract the effects that they have on the body. And I thought, well, if I'm doing all of those things anyway, to counteract the effects it can have as to, you know, Especially muscle in women at this age in our life.

It's very hard to build muscle, extremely hard. And we don't want to lose what we have. So if this is affecting my muscle mass at all, that's a big concern. That's a bigger concern than me having fat on my body, in my opinion, right now. It's like strong, not thin is my mindset. And if you are on these doing it, kudos to you.

I'm. Not judging, this is my perception and what I've learned about it, right? I would say If all of the research you've done has been on the pro side, I would also, you know, reach out and look into some sources you trust on the, on the other side. Okay. So I got off the trail. So kind of like the weight loss surgery.

So I go and, um, they're like, okay, you have to go see a nutritionist for six months. I'm like, okay, all right, here we go. I mean, I've started. spent my life losing weight people. I've done everything is how I feel. You know what I mean? And so I go and I, they send me in with this 20 year old nutritionist.

You guys, I swear to God, she's teaching me food pyramid. And this is 2017. I didn't know them what I didn't know now, but I knew enough. I knew about gluten. I knew about sugar response. And I just looked and I'm a, I, I, I knew more in my little pinky than this girl knew about nutrition right from where I was sitting and I was like, I'm not sitting here because I don't know how to eat.

I am sitting here because clearly I can't do it. Something is wrong with me. I'm broken. Fix me, help me. That's what I was like, just, just desperate. And I was like getting nowhere. You guys feel like this? And so I go off and I'm like, okay, I'm going to wait these six months, whatever nutritionist, I'll go see this little girl and.

You know, do these things and I'll probably lose weight in the process, maybe because I have to go see somebody. I don't know. So I go back home and I'm still seeking, seeking, and I'm reading these little books called, um, single wide female by Lillian Blake. And they're funny little stories about this heavy set girl.

I think she's like in her thirties or something, but she's waited her whole life to do these things because of her fat. She's like, when I'm thin, I'm going to do these things while she's had enough of that. So she makes an everyday bucket list. All of these things that she wants, wants when she's skinny, she's going to start doing them now.

And I'm like, that's brilliant. I need an everyday bucket list. We all need an everyday bucket list. By the way, I have a podcast on this.  You need an everyday bucket list if you don't have one. I still make one every quarter when we do our planning because you wouldn't believe how many gems come out of my everyday bucket list.

I hadn't been a person that stopped myself doing things because of my weight though. I will say that I was always very active, adventurous. I will do things. That's not a problem. However, I hadn't ever made an active list and I put, I was like, you know, I had been doing a lot of yoga in, in earlier in the, in like 2011 ish, somewhere around there.

I was like, you know, that feeling after yoga that I get, I think that's meditation. I think I want to know more about like the meditative part of yoga. So I put that on my list and next thing you know, and I swear to God, you guys, I only wrote it down in my newsfeed. I start getting all these. It's free intros to transcendental meditation.

And I was like, Oh my gosh, what is this? And I was like, this looks like a cult. Like I had all these feelings, thoughts about it. Anyhow, I end up going, I was like, well, he can't hurt. Right. I'm so stressed out. I'm miserable. I was like, and it was everything around me, right. It was the job as problem. My hormones, my brain was probably being ripped apart.

Who knows? I was like just frigging miserable. I'm like, I can't hurt. So I go to this free intro to meditation and I'm like, okay, I've got what I didn't have the money to do it. And I was like, I ha I just knew I had to do this. And so I, I did, I signed up and I learned how to meditate. And within two weeks, I remember my oldest daughter saying, mom, whatever you're doing, keep doing it.

She didn't know what I was doing. You know, I was scared to tell anyone I was joining a cult. So she was like, whatever you're doing, keep doing it. You are just You just seem great. And I was like, Oh my gosh, cause I didn't even really at that point notice a difference, but I was practicing twice a day, 20 minutes.

I would sit there and just practice this technique. And by the way, it's also what I learned to teach is very similar. The primordial sound meditation. So if I'm ever teaching that and you want to learn, it's a mantra based meditation. But to have the mindset behind it, which is what TM and Chopra center with the primordial sound meditation really help you teach.

But it's a practice of it that  when you put that in place will absolutely change your life. There is no way practicing meditation won't change your life. It just will. It is one of the biggest game changers. So I learned to meditate and I start losing weight. I'm losing, I lost like 20 pounds just from managing that.

You know what? Meditation does too, as well as it manages your cortisol levels. It returns your body back to a state of homeostasis. So all of that stress release response, all of that, your body is like, okay, we're okay. It's like neutralizing the amygdala that fear response, this little thingy in the brain.

it neutralizes that for you. So you can get back to being you and living life. And I would make sure I did that in the afternoon before I hit the candy jar or the break room or any of that. And  so, okay. So I've learned meditation and then.  I found Corrine Crabtree with, it was then called Fit and Fat Weight Loss, which is now No BS Weight Loss.

And I started listening to her. And this idea that my thoughts control my emotions and my actions, and I was like, What?  Why has no one ever taught me this? I'm 46 years old and nobody taught me I can create, I can create the outcome. of everything. I mean, I was innately kind of doing these things because of how my mom raised me.

She was always like, anytime we'd say, I mean, a hateful thought about ourselves or anyone else, she would say, love, don't hate Addie. I can still hear in my brain. So when I see myself say those thoughts that would trigger automatically. So it's kind of like, I was doing it, but I didn't, I didn't know how that there was a process that, Oh, I can see my thoughts and understand I'm thinking them.

And I can choose to keep thinking and feeling that way, or I can choose another path. And this is why my journey on this weight loss quest this time is so different because now I'm that person right now, I've already been seeing myself, uh,  like doing everything with.  eating and drinking all the things I've been doing since I moved back to Hawaii this year.

I've been observing it. I've been seeing my brain and it's like, I'll try it. I'll write myself through it. And so  Corinne was like such a big inspiration at the beginning of my quest. And then it turned really spiritual for me because I had this whole awakening as I stopped shoving my face in front of it.

Food. And I started to hear what my soul wanted. And I dared to think it was possible for me to go out and be this bad ass bitch that did whatever she wanted. Like what?  Like, what would it be like to be the coolest mom ever across the ocean? What if I stay in the mainland and Millie's in Hawaii? What would that look like?

I'm like, well, it'd be really cool if I could travel around with her and show her America. And I was like, well, what about an RV? That looks like fun. Right? And so that whole adventure started to take place just from that space of me saying, what if.  What if I could create this and listening to where I was being led from deep and from my emotions, which is your soul, right?

If you think about it, it's the only way your soul can communicate with you is through your body and through emotions. And when we're shoving those emotions down, We are missing messages left and right. I can tell you when I am eating cleanly, when I am in alignment with my true self, if you will, and I know I'm getting all woo here, you guys, but when I am, I see synchronicities everywhere.

I see doors open opportunities. It's like, I'm living in a different plane of existence. Well, because I am. It's like taking you up from the 3D world to the 5D world, as they call it, which is living in of a higher vibration. We get back to, I'm in the RV traveling the country, I've lost all this weight. So I stayed with Fit and Fat.

I actually won entrance to the PNP tribe in May of this year.  2018. I stayed in for a good portion of the year and then I started my own group and I just kind of went down a spiritual, a spiritual path. I think much more than a weight loss path and learning how to build habits and all of those things.

Like I became really, I think a habit stacking master, right? From James clear atomic habit. There's so much of that woven throughout my book and married with the life coaching and the spiritual stuff. It's just given me this really unique.  on myself and my weight loss journey and creating our future selves and the power within all of it and what it really means and stepping into our purpose.

I think at this stage in our lives, at this midlife badassery phase, it's so different for us, right? Because it does at some point become about purpose. Your brain is being rewired to step into your purpose. You're getting more empathy. You're losing. Much of that emotional, even though it feels like you're going through emotional turmoil when you're in menopause, right, when you're going through it.

So even when you feel like you're in that emotional turmoil, your brain is being repruned for you to step into this crone phase, into this wise woman, into leading these others. This reminds me of a story from this week as I was in my yoga teacher training with all these young women. And somehow. I just made a comment about after you're 50 and just not caring so much.

And we got talking about menopause a little bit and you know, so many of the young girls reached out to me after I was surprised. I'm like, okay, I'm going to step off and we're in, this is an Addy hour cause I can have a tendency to take over a room. I know you guys find that hard to believe,  but it's true.

So I'm like, okay, I'll just share this one thing. Right. And so many reached out a couple of them. Anyway, there's only eight of us. But a couple of girls reached out to me after and said, thank you so much for sharing that. We need to talk about this more about women as they age and what happens. And one of the girls, her mom had actually committed suicide.

And I had shared that stat that women are most likely to commit suicide when we're in those menopausal years. Right. Good. Look at the correlation there. You guys, that is insane, right? Like between 45 and 55 is when most women are most likely to take their own lives. And how much of that is because your brain is being ripped apart.

Society doesn't talk about it and we're just like put out to pasture or it's glazed over and it's not like, it's so different if you know this is what's going on with me. And if you know there's things that can help you, right, there's like bioidenticals, replacement therapy. There's like things that can help guide you through that phase.

I look back at my ball of misery and I, this girl that reached out, her mom had taken her life at 46. I told her, I said,  I just, my heart just like broke for her and for her mom because I, that's how. Desperate and despondent. I felt when I was in that ball of misery, it was, I would remember feeling like, what am I even here for?

What's this for?  You know? And I don't remember having suicidal thoughts, but I remember being in that place of such despair that it could have been. Led that way,  you know, like I just, just, oh my gosh, the more and more I can talk about this in case there's any women out there feeling that way to know that you're not alone and it's something we need to all start talking about and women understanding that there are solutions for it because it's not talked about enough and doctors don't know Jack, a lot of them, right?

Like they just don't know. And how can they know every little thing in the planet? Right? Like that's kind of an unreal expectation as well. But there's so much new information coming out for us and they're just starting to study this, you guys. Which makes it, I mean, it's just crazy to me. The whole, we're now men with tits thing and they only study men.

It's just, don't get me started. Okay. So I lose all this weight. I go on a spiritual journey. I lost a hundred and that. 30 pounds at one point the year before I moved back to Hawaii. I started to have a lot of issues with my skin, by the way, through this whole time, I had found fasting and like have my mind blown about how much my body doesn't really need food, you know?

And I think I ended up leaving Corinne's group the first time because I knew. I wanted to be on a quest with food that was also about food. Like my whole mantra was food is fuel, and I really had this whole period where I was off in the RV, traveling the country, and just exploring food and my body and my emotional self, my soul, like everything, right?

And on this quest, my food is fuel mantra also goes in alignment with what We do, uh, no BS or with Corrine and the life coaching is all of that's also in alignment with it. It's not that you can't do that and do these things. I just knew I needed to be all in on this quest for myself. And had I not, I don't think I would have came to the realization about things like fasting.

I wouldn't have gotten down that whole path, perhaps, or doing the gut health testing with Viome and understanding my insulin response and hormones. And it's just been so interesting to see the path I've been down just on this quest for health. And it's because Yes, I didn't want to end up like my father, but then also it just became about, I kept feeling better and better and noticed certain foods feeling good in my body.

It's like you go on this evolution of. Just starting to try to get your head out of your ass and eat normally. And then really, once I get the flour and sugar out, it becomes about how can I just feel even better and feel so good. Anyhow, you guys, so I go off on this quest all year and then about the year before I moved back, not feeling well and gaining a little bit of weight back when I moved back to Hawaii here just about a year ago today.

Honestly, actually it was August 15th, I started work of 2023 and we're at like August 8th today. It's been almost a year to the day that I moved back. And I was, I had broken the, what I call the wonderland barrier again. And I'm five, nine for you guys that don't know that a lot of people like our, Reference to that, I'm sitting now about two 50 and I might have been like around two 10 or kind of close to it when I got here, I had already started to gain some weight, just some stress, things as going through with my skin, all, all of those things, just kind of taking shape and into the fat on my body and being out of alignment with my dreams and my goals and my vision, I believe has So much to do with it for me when I am not following these whispers of my soul.

And as soon as I made that decision to move to Hawaii, I felt.  so much better and I was pumped up and then things changed a little bit when I got here with like the job I thought I was going to have. I mean, it's still a great job. It's just different than what I had anticipated it being. And I had all of these circumstances again, that appeared to be again in my way.

And this is how we grow, right? This is how we grow it personally, spiritually in our lives. And for me, it manifests. in weight on my body. And I just wrote this week when I decided to go back and join No BS again, I wrote, okay, the fat's just in the way. It's in the way of me physically doing things like bending over and doing yoga.

It's like, I just have this, this ball here. And I remember that feeling of freedom. And every morning I practice this visualization, not so much seeing myself as I used to look, as in feeling myself as I used to feel. It's like I can lie there in bed when I do my meditation, when I get my chakras  lined up and lit up, I can like remove the barrier of my body and I can feel.

Feel just my light body being and just my body doesn't exist in that moment. It's just this awe, wonder, joy, freedom. And when I'm in that space, I try to do this visualization of seeing and feeling, capturing that moment so I can carry it throughout my day. And I know this might sound a little crazy too.

This takes a lot of practice, you guys. And keep in mind, I've been doing this stuff for six years now, like solid. right? Like solid practicing, visioning, creating my future selves. God knows we're on like the sixth version of me now. Like I'm not like I've changed so much. Okay. So back to weight loss and all of this.

So I go on family vacation and I get back and I see this fat pic and I was like, okay, that's it. Now I've been throwing, I like to say throwing spaghetti at the wall for like all year and just having fun with it. I know numerology wise, I'm in a year three. three, which is a year of curiosity, fun, new beginnings a little bit, but just kind of like, it's one of those years that they say, you're not going to accomplish much, but you should try lots of things because next year is the year you do the work.

And I really just took that to heart because let me tell you what you guys, I mapped out my life and numerology, And I'll be damned if that stuff isn't, isn't accurate. It's like when you read a horoscope and you're like, Oh my gosh, that's totally me. Right. And it's the same with numerology. So I was like, well, I'm not going to keep ignoring this stuff.

And when I feel it, my word of the year was even curiosity and not just because of my numerology, but because that's How I felt going into this year and I've done so much, not only with my weight loss, look, I did NutraSuns. I'm understanding my glucose levels. And as I'm going back into no BS, a totally different person than the first time I did it.

And I wasn't in. very long, actually really, I think like five or six months maybe. And I had lost 60 to 80 pounds that year, a little bit before I had even joined with meditation and then some after, but in no small part because of the mindset in the community of the no BS woman in the community, you guys is what is so huge doing this with like minded people.

So in the me first sisterhood, a good portion of the women in there are still in. no BS or maybe they're going back like me or they've been, it's kind of, you know, um, our, our catching ground for  putting ourselves first in finding this path on our way. Cause we're going to have all different kinds of teachers and things that work for us.

work for us at a different time. So I'm riding this wave right now and I'm like, you know, I don't know, is it one of those things that's going to be new and exciting and I'm going to try it on and you know, I just couldn't get my head in it or is it going to be, oh my gosh, this is Amazing. And it's exactly what I needed at this time, at this moment.

That's how I feel right now. So I'm going to keep you guys updated. I totally encourage you to join me if you want to. It's a, just go to no BS weight loss. I'm going to, I need an affiliate link.  I'm going to message Corinne and be like, look, I need an affiliate link. So all, all the women that come join and Play it with me, like I can, I can get a little like free month or something. 

I'm just kidding you guys sorta. Not really. I totally should. So anyhow, I'm going back in and, uh, just, I'm loving it already. So she has a private member podcast where you can, um, you go through like her, you can go through the course modules. So it's on the website where you can watch the videos if you want.

But I really. Like the option to be able to do any course. I take audio because I'm in my car so much, just like I'm in my car right now. I recorded the first part for you on the way to work, and then I'm wrapping it up on my way back from yoga. It's nine 15 on Wednesday night. I'm exhausted, but I made a commitment to show up here with you guys.

And I had already missed one and I'm like, I'm not missing another one. And I'm going to do my darndest to get it published  tomorrow. I want to do it by tomorrow morning, but. Anyhow, now you know all my trauma, right? Here's my goal. Like, so I'm sitting at around 250 right now. I had lowered my goal weight to 155 when I had gotten to 179, which was my ultimate weight watcher goal weight.

I have been like, I was like, I couldn't, and I hit it. And I was like, you know what? I could still lose 20 pounds. I had no concept of my body at that weight. I just knew that I was a larger boned. person and carry a lot of muscle. And I, I just didn't know. I didn't really have a concept as an adult and even as a child, honestly, of what my body would look like in the healthy weight range.

And when I got there, I thought, you know, I could do it doesn't mean I would stay there. But I could see myself if I am truly eating to fuel my body and just feeling so good. I could see myself leveling out around the 155 area and I had remembered in high school at one point being 160 and I think that was my thinnest ever. 

So anyhow, I had lowered my goal weight to 155 and then I had. start to put on that weight again. So now I'm at like a hundred pounds again, which I had lost 130 the first time, but I was up over 300. I know it's hard to keep up. So now we're at a hundred pounds to lose again. And really like my body likes to level out at Wonderland.

I danced with Wonderland for so long. such a long time. And this is the thing I want to share with all of you on a weight loss journey or quest. It's not linear. It's like that 130 pounds I lost over a few years. The first 60 to 80 went fairly rapidly. It was like the first year or so. And I mean, like Corinne talks about in one of her, um, Modules in the course about the four phases.

And she has a podcast on this. I'll never forget it because when I first started listening to her, I heard her talking about this, about how there's these four phases we go through, you know, it's kind of like the habit cycle, very similar where you get it. It's new. It's all shiny. You're excited. You're dedicated.

And you're like, yes, I got this. It's going great. And then it gets a little, and then you're like starting to show up for yourself.  And this is like phase two, where you're starting to get the, the rhythm,  you kind of know what's going on and you're feeling good.  And, but you're, you're hitting it more times than not.

And then you hit the third phase where you're actually  progressing more, but because you had already progressed so much, you don't feel like it. And you start to fail a little bit. And this is the phase where she says most people will quit.  It's kind of like the messy middle of habit building. Like as your brain is rewiring itself, it takes an average of 66 days to build a habit.

And as it's rewiring itself, when you get halfway. There your brain isn't going to want to finish it. It's hard. It like hurts the brain to pound through the other side Your brain is doing the same thing with your new weight loss routine, right? It and it also wants to keep it safe and go back to that space of comfort that you had before this crazy person decided to go off and change her entire, her entire life or routine, right?

Who's this woman that decided to be the observer of everything she puts in her mouth? What the hell is she doing? We were enjoying ourselves, eating the bonbons, watching Netflix, right? Do they even make bonbons still, you guys? That's a very 80s saying, right?  All of, although all of you will get it, so I know I'm in good company here.

So, uh,  why was I telling you all that? See, this is what happens when I record so late. Forgive me, uh, and just keep loving me. I'm looking right now, I'm going down the freeway. And there's a, like a, just a little sliver of the moon over there, a little tiny crescent moon, and it is just gorgeous. It's like hanging over Honolulu.

Looking out over the buildings and over like Pearl Harbor area and it's just looks super cool tonight While I'm doing the mindset work with Corinne's group, which this is about if you haven't been in no BS weight loss This is the stuff is it that's about getting out of your own way Like she like noticing when you're hungry, right and she talks about her basics being water and sleep and making a doable plan.

Because this is what we'll do, right? Is we'll set ourselves up for these extravagant plans that there's no way we can honor. And then seeing when you're not showing up for even a doable plan, and that's where our work is, right? Like, why aren't we showing up for ourselves? And just hanging around a bunch of other people that are doing it and having ahas about it.

I can't tell you enough how much the Facebook communities mean to me and support of my growth. And um, just like listening and reading, listening, but also listening to people, but reading other people's comments, I get inspired and learn just as much from that as I do taking the courses. Like the communities.

Are everything to me. And that's why I still have mine. You know, like I told you last week or the week before I struggled with it, like, Oh, do I keep going or what? But it just has meant so much on my journey. And just when I think that someone will reach out and be like, you know, I'm so grateful for what you share and what you put out.

It's really made all the difference. Or, you know, a couple of people reached out with the podcast last week and we're like, it's just what I need to hear. I can't tell you guys how much as a creator that keeps me going. And I also noticed I've got some more reviews on Spotify. So thank you. Thank you. If you haven't done a review or it's been a while, or you did one on one platform, not the other, please leave a review.

I'd really appreciate it. It does help the podcast get noticed. And, um, I noticed,  so it kind of keeps me going to, you know, Oh, someone's listening, you guys are out there. So, uh, you know, that's, that's all I wanted to share with you guys. That's where I'm at. Saw the fat pick, got about a hundred to lose again.

And wanted to share this all with you as I always do, because it's about getting back up and it's about understanding that I am not less than you. Worthy. There's nothing wrong with me because I gained weight again. Um, this is part of my path and there's going to be nuggets of pure genius that come out of me having put fat on my body again.

Like not that I intentionally wanted that to go down that way, but it is truth. I wouldn't have, um, found Dr. Mindy. I mean, I was already listening to her, but I wouldn't have done that course and learned all about hormones and just like the things I pick up because of the path I've taken in life. You never discount that, you know?

And I think for me, weight loss is just always the path. And I think through the lens that I share, What I do because it's always been the thing in my life, like I explained earlier when I went off to seek, you know, Surgery was the thing in my life that I just knew I hadn't been able to conquer yet If you will and now I know I can I know how in a way that is It isn't,  I'm not scared anymore like I used to be, right?

Like I have that panic that I could never be or never do. And it's because of all this mindset work, but also because of my spiritual connection to my understanding that I'm the observer and I am not this body. And I can do these things and get myself in alignment again. And now let's go, right? Create the vision, get up, do the process.

I keep doing my quarterly plans. I show up and make my daily plan. I grow and I learn and I apply it. You guys, I do the work.  And it's in the work that we're putting action into the world because I think there's this other part of me, the spiritual side, that's like, you also need to just be, it's good to rest and be, and be part of the world.

just exist, right? Like that's part of life too. But also when we're manifesting, when we want to create something that takes action, that takes, Hey, I'm showing the universe. I really want this thing. I am really, Interested in finding a healthier, happier me. And so as I'm doing no bs I'm also going to be troubleshooting my hormones.

I'm still, um, sorry, my, uh, the glucose, the ketones and when I'm getting in ketosis, right? So I still have one more month on my Nutrisystem, or not Nutrisystem, um, my sensor, my glucose monitor. I've got one more month on that. So I'm going to work through on that. So we're going to like figure out how to get in ketosis. 

I want to get back where a few of this fuel because I felt so good, but also I think I've been figuring out. Um, what foods react in my body with my skin somewhat.  So that's been kind of an interesting quest for me too, because when my skin's jacked up, I just don't quite feel as good and then I eat and then that's kind of a whole thing in itself, you know?

So working through that, and I'm sure you guys understand that too, because we all have different health issues and things going on. More on that later. That's just a little recap about my weight loss journey in the past and where it is now and our goal upcoming. So I'm, you know, always, I write my goals every single day.

My big ass goal is the one 55. I'm sitting about two 52 this morning. Hey, I was like two 56 after vacation. So I've already dropped like four pounds just this morning. Like getting a little more mindful about it, just getting back up over and over you guys. And we'll be doing it here. All right. Until next week, you guys lay out.