S3 Ep 180 The Gap and the Gain, Goal Whys and Success Criteria

Are you stuck chasing goals but still feel like you're spinning your wheels? Let’s flip that script. In this episode, I’m sharing how understanding your whys and realigning your priorities (like health!) can be a total game-changer.

We’ll dive into Dan Sullivan’s “gap and the gain” concept—why celebrating progress beats stressing over what’s next—and I’ll dish out practical tips on food planning, balancing goals, and finding joy in the process. It’s all about redefining success and loving the journey you’re on.

Tune in for a dose of inspo and real talk to help you level up your badassery!

LFG~
Slayer

SPRING EVENT SIGN UP: MEfirst Guide Spring into Your Future Self Planning Event at the link! Oder HERE

Free Visioning Meditation (goes with Ep 160 Unlock Your Future: Create Vision for Midlife Transformation)

Get Social with Me!
Don't do it alone- us badasses gotta stick together ;)
FREE Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/mefirstsisterhood
Facebook Namaslayer (LIVE Sundays at 9 AM Pacific / Noon Eastern)
YouTube Addie Beall @addiebeall2574
Instagram @addiebeall_namaslayer

Transcript

  There are a few things I really want to share with you guys that are still , working through in my mind, but I know they're going to be critical to  My journey ahead and goal success and all of the things we all talk about and look at as we're here trying to figure out this next half of our lives and just how the fuck to enjoy it more.

Right. And one of the things that I've really been looking at are my whys, am I committed? what, what are my goals look like? What am I really committed to? I mean, I have like a million goals, right? And every quarter when we do the me first guide plan, I set the main goal and then I also do six secondary goals.

And often my secondary goals I'll take over my main goal because, well, a lot of times they're more fun. And since fun is one of my core values that can like take over, uh, Um, it'll take my focus from my main goal. So I've really just been doing a lot of thinking about this because I know when I get my health in alignment and my main goal right now is weight loss again.

And when I get my health in alignment, it just, everything else flows better. And I know it's because of that.  I just feel better, right? So as I'm like looking at my why's and they changed so much from when I first started. I mean, when I first started, we can go back and listen to me talking about when I first learned to just, uh, let it all go and just no shame, say what the heck you want.

And it was like, I was like, you know, I just want to look good in a pair of jeans. I just want to look hot on my Harley. You know, those, those were like my whys. And now my whys are like, man, I just want to feel good. I just want my Skin and I itch. I want to feel good in my clothes. I just want it to be easy.

I want to be healthy. And I love that one. Uh, the quote from Dr. Habers when she said, you know, it's not at this age, it's not about like being thin. It's about staying out of the nursing home. And I think at some point it might not be that drastic of a shift in my mindset, but it's there. And so I've been listening to a couple of things this week.

And the first one I heard, I wanted to share with you guys, um, I'm in the no BS woman's group again. And I was listening to something Corinne, um, Crabtree had said that runs the group. Um, and she had said talking about planning and she said, you know, Planning isn't about following the plan 100 percent about you guys being perfect.

It's about  thinking, you know, the plan is you choosing to think ahead of time. And I was like, Oh my God, that is it. Right. So I just wanted to share that with you guys, because I know I'm always talking about plan, plan, plan, plan, plan, but this is why, and this is why it was so critical for me and why I also believe when I plan, I have much more.

joy in my life, spontaneity. I have much more confidence. I get more of what I want because I'm living more intentionally. And when I don't create that time for myself to at least be thoughtful about what I want my day to look like, what I want meetings I'm going into to look like, what I want my evening to look like when I don't.

Go into it, anticipating that in setting myself up for success, then usually a lot of times it doesn't happen. Right? Then it's just coming at me and it's unintentional. So just kind of wanted to put that out there. I thought that was kind of a fun little way to look at planning. If you're not a planner,  Millie and I just had this conversation today.

I'm like, why don't you just like rewrite your food down? And she's like, well, I don't always know. And I like to live spontaneously.  I'm like, you guys, I found the opposite to be true that like I can be more spontaneous the more planning I do because I don't have a lot of brain power going to other areas.

And then also you're able to adapt more easily. You know, you can make adjustments because you already know what's planned ahead. And I can just be like, Oh, you know what? I'm going to. Like, um, have a big ass steak and potatoes and a piece of cake for dinner. So I'm going to go lighter on lunch today.

Right? Like I already have those decisions made. So it's not a stress in the moment. So that was just a, that was just a fun little reminder, but I'm also reading, um, I'm listening on Audible to A Gap in the Gain with Dan Sullivan. This has been on my read list forever and it's up right now. So I just wanted to share a couple little like ahas that also go back to kind of my whys too and how I've been thinking about this being all in.

Because When you're all in on a goal, you guys, it makes decisions really easy, right? Like if I'm truly all in on my weight loss goal, when I'm faced with that pastry on the table being like, Hey, is that choice going to take me toward my goal or not toward my goal? Right? What's an alignment or if the choice is, Hey, do I do food prep or do I make a bunch of videos?

Like what is my week look like and where's my priority? Right? If my priority goal is weight loss, then I'm probably not going to spend five hours making reels or videos. If my primary goal isn't, is not my business right now or not my social media game or whatever, right? Then it just makes the decision simple and it takes the guilt out of that.

So think about that for yourself and your goals and your. competing goals, you know, and sometimes you have to let go of things like being perfect at things. You guys, I started getting my groceries delivered, right? Regardless of the guilt of groceries being showed up, delivered to my doorstep. Like yes, everybody can get off their ass and go to the grocery store and shop for themselves.

However, When I can do a food plan the night before, have everything in a shopping cart, preorder it and have it at the door at nine. So I'm done with my business calls. I can have food prep done by 11 and I could maybe enjoy some of my Saturday. It frees me up for other things, right? So like,  looking and saying.

Okay, this is my primary goal. How can I set myself up to make this happen and where can I release guilt in other areas of my life? Like, Hey, that's just not a primary goal, right? And sometimes this will be things with your family, like letting go. You know what? Right now my primary goal is working on myself and my health.

So instead of making you dinner, I'm going to the gym or whatever that might look like for you. You know? I don't know. I remember this. being really hard for me at first, and therefore me first, right? Men never have a problem with this. Do you know this? Notice this? They're always like, I'm going to do this.

They don't have this issue. Us women have this issue. Okay, you guys. So I wanted to share this with you. I wrote down a few things from the gain and the gap about, um,  that, um, they're talk about success criteria, like, so the idea of the gain and the gap is you have your goal Right? And you have this ideal,  this ideal goal, this dream goal of yourself or whatever it might be.

And then you have where you are now and then you have where you used to be. And to be in the gap, you're always comparing yourself to that ideal future self. That's the gap because that always causes comparison. Right? Which what, what is the quote comparison is the thief of joy. And just think about that, right?

When you're going along, you're all fine and dandy and then you see someone else doing it better, all shinier. And then you're like, Oh, I'm never going to be good enough. Right? It just takes you down that wormhole.  in that same breath. So when you're in this gap space and you're comparing yourself to some future self that doesn't even exist, Oh, I'm not there yet.

Why am I here? Instead of looking at all the growth you've gone through and you know, where am I in comparison to that? And when I thought about that, I thought, you know, yeah, but look, when I look at my goal, I've gained all this weight. And so when I look back at my goal like that, and I'm like, but this is the difference.

This is where my goal has changed because my desires, my success criteria, which is the next thing they talk about in this book has changed. Like my success. Success for that outcome of that weight. I'm measuring differently now. Like the goal is still the number on the scale because that's the data.

That's what shows me that I'm doing these other things in my life. But listen to what they are now, right? It's um, I have energy, right? I am engaged in life. I am, um, I am not. I can't read my writing. This, I probably should have figured that out before I came here and talked to you guys.  I'll leave that in just so you get a little chuckle because it's really bad.

No, like anyone can take my magic pages. I don't have to worry about when I die burning them because they'd make it through one page and be like, Oh, hell no. I'm not trying to read this shot. So, okay, so I want to my success factors if I'm successful on my goal are that I have energy I'm engaged in life.

I'm not worried about money or health. I am managing stress It's simple it feels good feels good. It's easy. And it aligns with my core values, which are fun, adventure, love, joy, inspiration, authenticity, those things like drive me at my core. So  This simplifies things again, just like our why's do, right?

Just like that understanding, Hey, is it in alignment with my goal? Asking myself, Hey, is that going to give me energy? Hey, is that going to keep me engaged in life? And whether it is with food or with something I'm sharing, something else also important to me is Being inspired is like, so having energy within myself, which is where inspiration comes from.

It's from within, right? But one of my big motivations in life is to inspire others. Like nothing lights me up more when one of you guys reaches out to me and says, Oh my gosh, that thing you said on the podcast this week, hit home. Like last week, someone reached out and said, It's just what I needed to hear.

I'm going to try this new thing this week. Or, um, I think, uh, Deb had reached out and I forget what sport she did, but she was going to do that. It was like tennis or something. And I'm like, sometimes we just have to be reminded and I fully believe I'm here to just share. My life share my journey and be on the ride with you guys and hopefully you're like, oh, yeah ad I'm gonna try that too, right?

Like new recipes, you know, I this week. I only said that because I saw someone else trying new recipes I'm, like, hey, I wonder if I inspired her to try new recipes again, too, right? It's like in the sharing of these things because I get inspired from you guys too that share back with me or that People I see out on social media are in my life, right?

Like, we draw inspiration from all over the place. But, um, oh, this week I made, um, broccoli.  It was a beef and broccoli stir fry and I made kind of like egg roll in the bowl. Very similarly, I didn't really follow her recipe, but oh my God, it was so good. You guys, it's like Mongolian beef and it took me like 10 minutes.

I posted it on my Namaslayer on Facebook. If you guys are on there, check it out. It was really good. I'm adding it to my arsenal with egg roll in a bowl that the chaffles We're really good. We may I got the little dash waffle maker now and we did blueberry and chocolate chip and then we did a bunch of plain ones to use throughout the week just for like, um, kind of gives you that little bread substitute, you know, and it's just egg and cheese.

So it's so much more filling. So I'm like building up this arsenal of tools again. But as I'm headed off, I lost another two pounds this week. And as I'm heading into this goal getting season, And just writing it. I've been gradually setting all these things up this year and so when I looked back and I thought I got in comparison on my goal a little bit, right?

Because I was like, Oh, yeah, but if I look back, I haven't really grown, but I have grown so much. You guys, I put so many things in place. And you have to stop and toot your own horn. You have to say, Oh my God, look at all this shit. I did. I moved across the ocean. My job changed a hundred times. I'm band mom.

I got my yoga teaching certificate. I got another coaching certificate. I set up all these little things in my life to make it easier so I can achieve my goals while I'm battling some health issues like dealing with my skin and Working on healing that and mindset and all of those things, right? So  Um, looking, it's life is perception, right?

And this book also gets into a lot about how,  how much positivity and how you look, how you choose to look at things in your life plays into how long you will live. How happy of a life you will have, how you will recover from illnesses. And I'm like, yeah,  you know, that's why I'm like rarely sick. And when I, I have bouts in my life where I'm getting sick more often, I can usually tie it back to not.

I'm not feeling good about where I'm at in my life or not being happy at that time. And so just looking at us and ourselves and being like, just grateful for where we are now. So when you live in the game, they call it right. So when we're not living in comparison, when we're not living in that gap world where you're not there yet, Oh my God, I'm never going to get there.

there. You're always worried about being there and you're not enjoying the now. So when you're being in the gain, you're enjoying the now. So having this, how am I going to know I'm successful living in the now, notice how none of these things are really about me being this. 155 pound being right. Although that's my measurement stick,  but my success criteria on the path are the energy being engaged, like being managing stress.

And those are things as I go throughout my day and I'm making decisions.  It's because it's how I want to feel. So how do you kind of measure those things that you want to feel along your way? And just a few things I'm tinkering around with in my brain. It hasn't like all clicked yet, but I wanted to bring that to you guys today and hopefully help you with some perception changes for yourself.

Self, if you're living in the gap instead of the gain and maybe looking for some new success criteria, some new why's for yourself. If you've been doing your same goal for a while and you have the same why's, it's probably time to revisit those and say, you know, have my why's changed and what does it look to be successful to me once I achieve this? 

And that's all I got for you guys this week. I am like all cozied up in bed. I moved my bed. I've got my big pillows for my new meditation area. I'm getting closer. Cleaned all my floors. I still don't have it set up yet, but you guys, I'm almost there. So I just, I've been reading these Sarah Moss books and I'm, um, the Throne of Glass series.

All her stuff is so good, you guys. I'm totally sucked in and I'm halfway through her series in that I'm on the Empire of the Storms right now. So I'm going to go back, read that, get snuggled in for the night. We've got all our food prepped for the week. Millie and I have been walking laps at, uh, The pool, we go to the Lazy River at the Kroc Center and we, um, do walk the laps there.

Next weekend is her big birthday party out at Koalina, so I'll be recording the podcast live from out there,  um, which is a beach resort out here. It's just gorgeous and, um, actually used to be on my vision board, uh, back in the day before I moved here that I was going to live in probably the condo we're going to be staying in.

I'll, I'll show you guys pictures. So I love you all to pieces. Thank you so much for listening. I really appreciate all the reviews, the shares, your feedback, your comments, and I love to hear what you guys are learning too. So feel free to jump in our me for sisterhood, share with me in all the places. I love you guys until next week.

Slayer up.