S3 Ep 203: I Decide: Going All In On Me (And F*ck the Hows)

This week’s episode is a full-body YES moment. 💥

After months (okay, years) of trying to “love where I am,” the Universe finally said: It’s time, Slayer. And when I tell you I listened — I mean I decided.

In this episode, I’m sharing the raw, real story behind my biggest decision yet: walking away from the safety net and going all in on ME. No backup plan, no guarantees — just belief, alignment, and a whole lot of Eye of the Tiger energy. 🐯

We’ll talk about:
 ✨ What it actually means to decide (and why that shifts everything)
✨ The moment I said “F*ck the hows” — and why you should too
✨ How fear keeps us playing small (and how to step out of it)
✨ Reconnecting to your inner fire after feeling disconnected or stuck
✨ Why the Universe keeps nudging you when you’re meant for more

If you’ve been waiting for a sign — this is it. It’s time to stop trying to fit in and start betting on your own damn brilliance.

💜 Mantra of the Week:
“I decide. F*ck the hows.”

Let’s rise, witches & b’s. Your Future Self is waiting — and she’s fired up. 🔥

🎧 Listen now and share it with a sister who’s ready to leap.

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Free Visioning Meditation (goes with Ep 160 Unlock Your Future: Create Vision for Midlife Transformation)

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Transcript

 Rising up back on the street. Did my time, took my chances. Can you guys even tell what song that is? I have got news for you today. Oh my gosh, universe, you showed me the way and here we are. I'm very excited to be here with you guys again. We are about to get lit the F up. Um, at least I am. And by, um, transgression through, is that the right word?

Transmutation transfusion through these internet waves. So are you, here we go. Where to start? So first of all, the new anthem, the Eye of the Tiger. This was what my. High school softball team. We played as, we went on the field and we were bad asses. We were like Allstate, bad asses, right? And we were like, bump, bump, boom.

It was, we'd have our little boombox out there, right? While we're warming up and intimidating all the other teams with our awesomeness. That's what. I think of when I hear that song, it makes me laugh. But my last anthem was, this is me, right? And this is like, okay, I did my time. I'm surviving. Like the whole theme behind the Eye of the Tiger just being this anthem about not giving up, getting back up over and over again, right?

And just being about determination and survival through the challenges, through my illnesses, through this. Job I've been so frustrated with through whatever living environment I'm thrown at, like all of these things, just feeling like they were so much as you guys have been on the ride for the last couple of years have been much more bumpy, right?

I felt just disconnected to my true self to spirit. All of this and this month, as you know, if you listened to long last week or maybe you don't know and you're new here, welcome. To the Slayer Show and I am doing Aligned Abundance, which is an Emma Mumm fur book in the book Club Bitches. And all month I have been saying I'm gonna manifest the miracle of career clarity of like what I'm going to do with my job and my life because so much I'm doing all of this mind work around.

Trying to love Right. And accept right where I am right now. Right? Like, just changing my thoughts around it. Like I can't even tell you the amount of work I've done in my magic morning pages and thought models and coaching around trying to love my job right where I'm at. And this week I, I found this little.

Um, TikTok, I've been doing this mantra through aligned abundance saying, and this is why I do all this work, you guys, 'cause stuff just like will happen, right? And I know I try everything and I just do everything, but I don't do all the things. I just do some here and there, so don't discount what. One little thing I'll do for you.

Right. But I digress. So back to aligned abundance. I've been saying this mantra about, um, basically universe show me clarity in my career. I thank you for putting all the correct things in place, yada, yada. And then I saw this other little manifesting chick on t on, not TikTok. It was like a reel on Facebook.

And she was saying, okay, all you have to do is decide. Put your hand on your chest. Do this with me right now. And I'm like, okay. All right. I'll do it with you. And she said, I decide and whatever you want most. I said, I decide I'm getting a new job. Is that what I said? A new amazing job or something like that.

And then she said, and then you say, fuck the house. So whatever it is you guys want right now, do this with me right now. Pause me if you have to. If you gotta stop and think about it. But what is it you want? You want weight loss, you decide, right? Like I want to be. A hundred, I decide I'm going to be 155 pounds and fuck the house.

I decide I'm going to be a successful entrepreneur and fuck the house. I decide I'm getting a new fantastic job and fuck the house. Do that, pick something. Just do it and see what happens in your life. So literally, I'm just like. You know, I have been resigned to being here for, let me check my little counter for you.

582.39 days left here until Millie graduates that we're in Hawaii and I had left my business when I came here. Got back in property management and it has been a struggle and I came in me. This big vibrant me that had been through so much and heart singing and excited to help bring change to this place that I thought I was being hired to bring some energy like that to it, and it just kept getting smushed down and down and down and down.

Right, and my body got bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. And don't think they're not related because they absolutely are. And I've been saying this over and over again as soon as I'm in alignment with my life, with my dreams, with all of these things that I. I hold. So that's just going, that's just a side effect of it, right?

That's just going to like fall off my body already. Well, I haven't even told you guys my big decision yet. I know. You're like, spill it out, Addie, what are you gonna do? So I had a big sign at work this past week, like literally the day after I did that, that I was like, I was very calm. I was like, I can't specifically talk about what it is, but I was very calm and I was like, okay.

Alright, that's my sign. I said, you know, I'm not gonna respond to you right now. I'm gonna go think about this and I'll get back with you. And the getting back with them is tomorrow morning and I am going to leave my job. I am done. And what really excites me is to go all in on me and what this time did.

So I. If you've been around, I thought I had manifested another job over here, yada yada. I was really mostly excited about the house. The job was just, you can hear it, right? Like just another, just another job, just another soul sucking opportunity. Right? And I do have, um, a couple interviews lined up in my industry and, you know, it's possible that it could feel like that is totally in alignment when I go and do these.

But what happened between the time? That job fell through. I, I did my me first planning event. All the eclipses went through all this. Trains change and transition went on. When I was shown the failure of that job, I started asking myself, what happened to going all in on you, Addie? When did you stop believing in you?

What if you just went all in on yourself? What if you weren't scared of? What are you scared of? Right. And it all comes down to money and insurance because of my skin. All of these other things. I literally made a pros and cons list. And the pros list of being an entrepreneur of. Being able to be in my creative zone of genius, of helping other women rise up and step out of their fear that way outweighs like, I am called to do that.

This is my calling, right? Like this was my purpose and until I'm living in it, the universe is just gonna keep like. Sh shoving like rejection in my face and, um, show me I'm not wanted in a certain place because I'm needed in another place, right? And I offer you. That could be the same for you if you are feeling unfulfilled.

If you are feeling like, what the heck? Maybe it's time to ask yourself. What if you went all in on you? What is the thing you want more than anything? And this could be weight loss, this could be traveling, this could be leaving your job. This could be getting a different job. This could be getting love, getting out of a relationship, like whatever you think you want it is.

Want so much, are you willing to decide? Are you willing to put it in your notes app? I decide this. Fuck the house. Are you willing to do that? And do you know what you want? Or do you even have an idea? Like if you're, if you're trying to lose weight, for example, when you say, I decide I'm going to be 155 pounds, what comes up for you?

Is there a bunch of disbelief? Is there fear? Is there re reject? Rejection of yourself? Doubt of yourself. You failed all so many times. You know the only difference between people that succeed and people that don't are trying. Fail over and over and over again. Failure is where it's at. I was listening to, um, Matthew McConaughey on the, um, that CEO Armchair or whatever.

There was like a little clip, and he was talking about the resilience. The determination to get back up over and over again and to do things in the world, not watch and listen, other people do 'em, right? Like what is it you want to do in the world? Put out in the world? And I think this is a delicate balance for me, being a doer with a allowing of the universe, right?

This was really a learning. Point for me this year because I will jump my kids like, I know, think I'm crazy, right? Like, 'cause they like crave the stability, but they're okay with me not having it. You know, Lexi's like, you always find your way. I'm like, I, I, I just have always had this belief that I will find my way, but this time I'm going to leap with a stability.

Does this make sense? So I'm gonna do it as much as my type, my person will allow me to have a plan. I'm going to have a frigging plan, and I'm gonna have a successful business to help other women succeed in their lives and to rise up and risen up. Back to the streets. What is that? Because, yeah. You know, so we're more than survivors, you guys.

We wanna live radiantly. Like what would you do if you're not scared, if you're not afraid of that thing or that physical health thing? There's always a way, right? So then I put my brain to work. I'm like, well, what if I did go all in on me? What would that look like? What would the money need to look like?

What would I need to have lined up? And I'm like, I can do this. I can absolutely. Why would I not do this? It excites me. So like beyond, I'm full body. My spirit guides are like, hell yeah, it's time. Right? And there's been times I've met with my spirit guides and they're like, Nope, not the time. You gotta build a runway.

Nope, not the time. And they're like, they get, it was like when I made that dec, I know when I made the dec, I made the decision when I typed it in the app. I made the decision this whole month. I've been making the decision and talking to myself about the decision, so I'm leaving, so I am, couldn't be more excited to go all back in, to have time to create, to have time to share with you guys to expand my learning and my.

What I share here with you, I'm like beyond myself excited. So I, you know, I was writing down a few things for you to ask yourself too, like, because one of the things I've been, I, I think I'm really good at is looking at myself. I don't always like it. And when other people do it to me, like when I get coached, I can get really defensive and I, I know that about myself, but then I have the ability to think and come back and be like, all right.

I see that in me. So one of the things I kept asking myself is, why am I playing small? And I wanna ask you, are you playing small? Ask your soul right now. Not your brain, your heart. Are you playing small or are you playing as big as you're supposed to? Are you in the arena? What if you took a step to be in that arena?

What would it look like for you? Right? Like what is stopping us from being these big, badass, radiant self? I can tell you this is we are needed right now, and this is why I'm called to do what I'm called to do because it's gonna bring you to do what you are called to do somehow, some way. If you are here listening to this, whatever's going to happen in my world is also affecting your world.

We're like all meant to do this together. All of us women rising up right now. All of us are needed. Right. And I can tell you, I was really doing a lot of thought models over the past couple of weeks and getting back into listening to the life coach school more. I've really shifted and this is so powerful.

What is in your head? What is in your head will drive your belief. I was telling my coaching group this morning, I said, you know, I really notice such a difference when I get scrolling. I get in a posture syndrome. How could I do that? I can't be like that person. What? With a Facebook ad to a funnel, any of us can be that person.

Anyone can do that, right? Like you can, we can all make an ad that goes to a funnel. Like, what the hell? Why? Why would I even think that that's not possible for me to. Attract more people or share what I'm learning and that more people want to hear it. I already know. You guys wanna do this with me, right?

Like, we all wanna do this together. So when I see that happen, I see things that don't serve me. I see the scrolling, right? And notice what are the things for you Scrolling. When I read a lot of fiction, I love me, some fiction and all kinds of fiction. Right now I'm in like. Fantasy romance stuff and some of it ya, I'm like, my kids are like rolling their eyes at me.

Um, I also am really into Lucifer right now. I mean, I can totally. Like be in consumption mode of shit that doesn't serve me. And there's such a big difference. When I'm consuming what serves me when I'm putting in my brain, I'm gonna absolutely do. Brooke Castillo, life Coach School is doing this 52 weeks.

It's called the Weekly, where she just coaches for one hour. I'm absolutely investing in that, and I'm investing in a few other things for myself as I make this transition to support myself, my mind on believing, because I'm sitting here with the microphone right now. I'll brave. I've already worked my brain through all the self-doubt this morning you guys, but make no mistake, I wake up and my first thought is like, oh my God, what are you doing?

Are you frigging crazy? You can't leave your stability, right? Like, 'cause your brain wants work is trained to keep us safe. So of course it doesn't want me to go and try this big, new, scary thing and possibly fail. Right? Like what would that look like? Like I did last time, like I just left it last time.

That's what I started to tell you about Matthew McConaughey and the persistence. He's like, you know that time where you hit the safety button, where you hit the parachute button and you go back to safety? And part of this is I needed to be back here in Hawaii, but part of that was hitting the safety button.

Like I was getting stressed. I didn't know what to do next. I stopped really believing. I stopped doing that mind work on myself to believe in me. And started to allow a lot of other things to take over my life, my health, my um, circumstances, all of that, right? And I'm just like constantly learning so much.

It just like blows my mind. You guys. I just am constantly learning. Like five years from now, I'm gonna look back at this and I'm gonna be like, oh yeah, for sure. You needed to have that experience to understand when you needed to persevere, when you needed to not hit that safety button and take a breath and find a way.

Right? Because could I have moved back here and still continue my business and found a way? Yes. What did I choose to do instead? You know, I decided to put some time in. Let's just say that like put my soul back in its prison, basically. That's what it felt like and what it feels like to not. Live my authentic self and when I am at a place of employment where I can't be authentically me, which is probably, let's be real, a lot of corporate America, right?

Like, and I think this was different being in an onsite team or not. Like really getting to know your team and be a family and um, go with everybody's different little personalities and, um, people not taking things just um. Perhaps a way they shouldn't, or being the type of people that I, anyhow, none of that matters because everything that has happened in the past two years has just pointed to, it doesn't matter how much money you guys, the opportunity cost of me just sucking it up and playing small and my soul being smooshed is not worth it.

Is it worth it to you? Like, and hopefully you're not feeling like you got your soul sucked like me, but is there something in your life where you feel like you're not all in on you? And what is holding you back from going all in? Do you need to believe, again, going back, if you haven't done a thought model before, you know about the life coach school and you can make it a simplified version, right?

Like what you think, feel, act, right? Like what do you need to think? To feel the way you need to feel to act the way you need to, to get to where you wanna go. And this was part in the Me first Guide planner. Part of, um, something I learned from Brooke Castillo when I was, um, in her self-coaching scholars was how to believe new thoughts.

She had this whole section on it, and part of what we do in the me first guide in the middle of the planner is practicing believing that new thought every day. Believe me, I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you about going out on my own and doing my own wild, crazy thing Again, if I have not been doing this work, I would just stay miserable.

I would just stay in this net of fear of, especially like right now, you see all of this stuff going on in the world, people getting laid off, the economy. If I let my brain go there, there's no way in hell I'm doing it. Right, like, and not that I don't want, I'm not gonna do something without a semblance of sense to it.

Like I wanna make sure it's a realistic option and that these are things I can do as well. But also. Why not go all the way in? I've been listening to a little bit of Gary V and I haven't really listened to him before, but I'm like, fuck yeah, Gary, first of all, like he says the F word, every other word, but he is like, he's like, you just, I don't, he's like, I don't have fear, I just do it.

The only thing that's stopping you is your fear. I'm like, that's exactly right. The only thing I had on my con side of the list of leaving this position were financially related. And could I solve for those? Yes, I could. Right. And could I, I dare to step outside and take a risk. A potential risk for myself that might not not look like I'm putting this little piddly amount away for retirement someday.

Yeah. It's a risk. Am I okay with that? Fuck yeah. Bring on the fear. Bring it on, right? Like does greatness come from staying small? Does stepping into our highest potential come from not stepping outside of our day-to-day rat race? No. No. No. So I don't know about you guys, but I'm not here to play small. My soul came here to light some bitches up, and that's what I'm gonna figure out how to do.

So I'm happy you're here for the first element of the light, the Bitches Up episodes, in reality, I'm gonna try to help out as much as I can at work through the end of the year, depending too how long they want and need me, you know? Um, I'd really like to transition nicely and leave that as. In as good of a place as I can for my team and move on from there.

Right. And I am gonna do these other interviews and we'll see what happens. If it's really feels in alignment right now, I might be doing that too. So, um, but big changes. I am tomorrow morning walking in and um, just. Saying I'm gonna be separating and what, decide what that looks like for us. So, man, it's so funny 'cause I listened back last week a little bit and I was talking about really just trying to like, I could just hear it in my voice how hard it was to try and love where I was and I was trying to do all these things and I feel like I've been trying for two years I've been doing all my Super Coach Mind Jedi tricks on myself and.

The universe is just like add. You're not gonna get comfortable here. You're not gonna get comfortable because it's not what you are called to do. And all of a sudden, again, you guys, I'm like getting inspired. I'm getting creative ideas. My crown chakras lit up. I feel spirit here. I, um, it. It's a shift and I have felt disconnected for a really long time and I was blaming it on nature, but it was really blame.

You know? The blame was like not listening to my own nature, not listening to my intuition and my gut and just like it's a full body know there, it's a full body know that I've been living in for two years, you know, not only my ski, my body was showing me that, right? Like physically on the outside showing me.

Like how this is just not for me. So anyhow, you guys, I'm super stoked for what I'm gonna build and create next. And you guys to be on the ride with me. So buckle up buttercup. Isn't that what my spirit guide said in September? And here we go, bitches. I couldn't be more excited to do it with you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And thanks for sharing the podcast if you haven't lately. And you know, someone who might be in a similar boat or need to hear something along these lines and. Stepping into the arena, please give it a share, give it a review, a like a love. I appreciate you guys, and until next week, slay.