S3 Ep 211: Overwhelmed but Still Showing Up | Imperfect Action in Midlife

What’s up, witches and bitches 🖤

This episode is coming straight from the middle of it — not the other side, not the polished lesson, not the “here’s how I fixed myself” version.

I was overwhelmed.
 I was spiraling.
 I hid in food, Netflix, and avoidance.
 And I almost didn’t hit record.

But this is the work.
 Showing up anyway.

In this episode, I’m sharing:

• What overwhelm is actually telling us (hint: it’s not failure)
• Why waiting to feel better keeps us stuck
• How I get out of my head without needing motivation
• The difference between perfection and embodiment
• Why weight, overwhelm, and soul alignment are always connected
• How your future self is built in messy, ordinary moments like this one

This isn’t a how-to.
 This is a how-I’m-doing-it-in-real-time conversation.

If you’re a midlife woman who feels:

• Behind
• Heavy (in body or life)
• Like you should have it figured out by now
• Tired of disappearing when things get hard

…this episode is for you.

You don’t need to fix yourself.
 You don’t need to calm down first.
 You don’t need to be ready.

You just need to keep showing up — imperfectly, honestly, as you are.

✨ That’s how she is built.

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Transcript

What's up witches and bitches? I had to make sure I got to the mic this week to tell you that I was almost spiraling. Like, I was spiraling, not almost. It was a complete friggin' spiral. And I went where I always go, food and Netflix, and just totally cashed out. And I'm here to tell you how I got my head out of my ass. And to share that with you and also in my imperfect room.

still figuring out all this technology. You guys, have like to-do lists like you wouldn't believe. And if you're new here, I'm Addie, Addie B, Slayer of Namaslayer. It's a whole nother story there, but hang in there and I'll get to that. And you know, I lost 120 pounds, left corporate America, life happened, regained 80, leaving corporate America again and losing the weight. So a lot of what I'm gonna talk about here is going to be...

about weight and I call it the weight of my life because when my body is heavy, I know life is heavy and something is just out of alignment for me. I mean, you guys, we don't get to be 50 years old and not know how to eat. Like most of us, like, you know, and I find that has been a journey for myself. Like what works with my body? Like all the toxins I have in here and just.

So much learning with that, but everybody is so different, you know? Like even what our bodies will spike sugar on are different for everybody. So anyhow, that's a total friggin' squirrel off where I wanted to stop that, but that's what you're gonna get here because this isn't some yet formalized badass YouTube channel. This is my podcast where I'm raw and real and I'm never gonna stop being that way with you guys and

Coming in the new year, I am planning on a rebrand. I really am so excited this time. I think the last time I set out and did life coaching as a business, and it was really kind of more of a hobby for me, you know? And this time, it's with the intention of how can I help the most women on the planet and do it with them, right? And with this vision of us all hanging out to gather kumbaya and around a friggin' fire someday, you know?

And by the way, I'm so excited because I'm headed to Arizona tomorrow. It's day before Christmas Eve here and I'm in Hawaii and my girls are both in Arizona right now. And I am headed there in the morning to go hang with them. And I thought, you know, I've got to get to the mic to this podcast before I go, because I don't want to keep missing time and I want to get better.

at scheduling and being here with you guys. And this is one of those things that will spiral me into overwhelm, because this is all new recording on video, right? And I want it to be good. If you guys know anything about me, it's like, I want things to be done and done well. And I feel really strongly about that for what I put out there for women that come and work with me, that even hang in a group with me or care to listen to my podcast, like my goal.

is that you leave inspired by one little thing or you take something from it that you're like, yeah, you know what, that could work or let me think about this thing a little differently. And so all of that, putting this much pressure on yourself, you guys, you know, and allowing yourself to be imperfect and act anyway. This is the difference between people that actually do the thing of their dreams and the people that don't.

Like this is my second shitty video. Right. By the time I'm done learning to make videos this year, I'm going to be really freaking good at it. Right. But I'm going to fail a lot and maybe not be so great. And if you're listening only on audio, I don't know what to tell you, except you'll have to go over and check it out on the YouTube at Nama Slayer right now. But I need to rename that because I'm doing a rebrand. So I want to share with you guys like just the sense of overwhelm. So

I woke up in this overwhelm and usually I have this process that gets me out of it. And on Sundays I wake up and I start coaching pretty early and sometimes I don't get to that process until after. And I've got to figure this out. I might move that coaching group I have a little bit later, but it's also hard because I'm so much earlier here in Hawaii. really kind of like time zone wise, like rocks everything.

But I find when that gets interrupted, my morning time and knowing how important that is to my health, to everything that like sets me up to kick ass in the day, you know, I get out of bed, I meditate, I do my magic morning pages, is stream of conscious journaling, do my planner, which is like 20 habits in and of itself, like self-reflection, pulling a card, rewriting my thoughts.

writing about my goals.

We're gonna have to delete that part.

All of that, right? Like it's like 20 different goals in there. between rewriting the goals, rewriting my thoughts, hey, how am going to show up? What am I going to eat today? What are my tasks to do? That's like just my personal life in the planner. That doesn't include what I want to create professionally. The new group I'm creating, I'm so excited. I keep teasing you guys about what is going be so freaking cool. So I'm going to have a free group you come into and then you can up level to it. But you can come in.

Taste it all, right? Like it's gonna be open to all podcasters. I don't know if it eventually it'll move to paid, but for right now it's gonna be free for that group. So get your little asses in there as soon as you hear me open it. It will be in the new year. I'm kind of waiting for all this branding and all of this other stuff to come out. But I'm so excited, but part of the other reason I was so excited to make this change is because you guys, I've tried everything. And listen, I am.

I'm a life coach, right? I get my thoughts, create my feelings and my actions. And I was like watching myself create my circumstance, create my heavier body, my bigger body, and constantly trying to adjust and doing my plans and what isn't working? And again, it goes back to squishing my fucking soul. Like the first time this was what I figured out, like I wasn't following my dreams. And I think my soul again was like, Add, you gotta follow your dreams.

Right? And like, it's in that, this excitement and this energy of following my dreams and uncovering that something more and that magic I'm meant to be, that even that slayer, my alter ego, that version of me comes out and is like, we don't even eat a brownie, man. Like, we're too busy, like, slaying the demons. Right? And like, creating magical shit. And it just becomes like, part of who I am. And so as I like, made this change,

I have this idea of my morning routine, but that's not yet in place. And I saw myself do it, you guys. I saw myself roll out of bed and kinda sorta skip that morning routine and just go start to work. And so when I realized I wasn't overwhelmed, I was like, you know, we gotta change some stuff now. Like the pool might not be open, so.

I was like, all right, the pool's not open. I'm going to go play resort atty. And this is where I go out to Koalina, which is gorgeous out here, but I've been avoiding it because of allergies. I'm like, I'm going go out and just walk as long as I can walk. And sure enough, like I got around one little corner, my face started flaring up and I could feel it. So I was like, stop, just like turn back around. And I went and I sat my air conditioning in my car and unflamed myself. And then I went back out and I worked at the resort.

but I still wasn't like in it. You know what I mean? I wasn't in it. So I came back and I just had like a really good night's sleep. What the hell, what does sleep do for us you guys? You know what I mean? Like it's night and day without the sleep. That's why I put my aura ring back on which only fits on my pinky right now. We're gonna be here together you and I this year to where you're gonna see it move to this finger again. Yeah, that's where it's going bitches, right to that finger.

For you podcasters, that was my middle finger. That's right, because I'm rogue on the airwaves like that. I'm so friggin' wild, right? So anyhow, you guys, so I woke up this morning and there's some part of me too. I'm getting my room together. I got all this tack and stuff and it's starting to come together. I'll show you guys once I get it totally. This will be my podcasting area back here. Like, I'm gonna, it's gonna be

I don't know what it's gonna be. It's not gonna be that shit. That's stuff I gotta put together yet. It's not gonna be like, this is my yoga meditation area and then I've got my bed and all this stuff over here, right? So this is a work in progress yet. And so much of me wanted to say, don't come and do this. Don't test out your new 4K camera. Don't do that. You can just get the old microphone out and.

do like a regular podcast. In fact, my brain shut down so much I didn't even hit my podcast date. Right here I am two days later and I was like, add, you're just going to show up no matter what. It's okay, but you're going to do the thing. And how do you get yourself to show up? And something I did this time that I didn't do the first time is, and now I just know so much more, you know, I think I spent three years learning.

A lot of technology, I learned about communities. I've learned, my goodness, so much, so much about coaching and not only myself, but other people. I've learned, I've just learned a lot. And this time I was like, you know what? I'm gonna set myself up for success. And I bought into a lot of coaching packages for myself to support myself through this process.

So one of the things I did when I was in overwhelmed as I've messaged my burnout coach, she likes to use Notion, this ⁓ software, this organizational software and listen, I know in the end, I'm gonna love it because you can customize it. And I need something more than an Excel sheet, I know that too. But right now my brain can only like brain dump on a piece of paper and Excel sheet, you know, it doesn't, and then put it on a Google calendar, it hasn't advanced to this level yet.

And so I just messaged her and I said, my brain is broken. And she was like, what do you mean? And I was like, it's like, I can't see where it's going or something, because I'm using her template. So I'm part of her group. And so I had reached out and I told her, hey, I want to talk about this, because we have calls on Tuesdays and Thursdays where I get to go in and share with organizational type things I'm frustrated with.

So we did that today and I'm like so excited to go in and get my plan laid out now because once I, you don't have questions, you don't know what you don't know, you know what I mean? So I went in and it was really funny because all the women on the call, I had a snippet of what I'm creating for you guys in my task and they were like, what's that? That's really cool. I wanna do that. And I was like, yeah, it's gonna be so fucking cool. I really.

I hope I'm not overselling it here, but even Mini Slayer tried it and said it was really cool. Although she likes all my shit. So what are we going to do? But ⁓ anyhow, you guys, think we're just going have some really fun losing some fucking weight this year. That's all I have to say. And one of the women was on a GLP one and she's like, I don't think I could go because it is fun, but also weight loss. Right. And I said, hey, there's a group that are on GLP ones just because you're on taking a weight loss drug doesn't mean that you don't need to do the work.

Because if you do get off it or something happens or you want to lower the dosage, you're dealing with the things that you ate those things for. Because once you get off it, we know that appetite is still going to be there. And you want to maybe you want to be a weightlifter. And you've struggled to add that in. You don't just stop eating. And that solves everything about what you wanted about a healthy body. Right? Like so much of it is here in our minds, but also like in our strong bodies we want. Right?

So anyhow, that was a total fucking squirrel. Also, if you're new here, that happens a lot. It's called a squirrel. And I squirrel a lot. If you don't like it, I guess maybe don't come because I don't like to be scripted. And I will do better to try to be more intentional with videos as we go and learning more nance and shit. But also it's got to be fucking fun. And I got to be able to just speak. Right. So I'm almost thinking of.

on here on YouTube doing like a vlog, ⁓ kind of like, because I do like to weigh in live and like show you guys daily behind the scenes stuff. So that might be coming here and that will be a little less, hey, what I'm learning this week shit, right? So I had messaged Notion, I'm going back now into the organizational, get myself out of overwhelm. Because the first thing I said was, hey, okay.

Recognize weren't overwhelmed. I know what this feeling is. I know I'm spiraling. What are we gonna do about it? And so I meditate I did my pages I got rid of a little bit of that uneasy feeling but I was like I need a full-ass brain dump so I went in two full pages just Everything out of my brain I need to do this this and this and then I still make myself sit there and say and what else and what else and what else and Just get it all out of my brain and on the paper

And then it can go into a calendar, it can get organized, but I've got to get it out of my brain, right? And feels so good. And if you guys haven't done this, like if you're not a regular brain dumper, highly recommend it. And this was part of what like the magic morning pages are for me. Julia Cameron's like, when I'm sitting there writing three pages of stream of conscious writing, it is literally.

my God, I gotta do laundry today and I've got a pack. I can't forget Minnie Slayer's Christmas present I have to wrap and I better put that by my school hats I wanna take and like on and on and on, right? It's just like whatever's in my brain goes in there. And somewhere around a page and a half to two pages, I start to get into, it starts to turn around into how awesome I am and how I'm gonna slay the day. I can't explain it to you.

It doesn't necessarily happen every time, but it's pretty frequent. So, you you become a badass through the process. Yeah.

What else do I want to share with you? ⁓ Yeah, I'm going to need a makeover to do all this YouTube. Got my Hell Is Boring shirt on that Mini Slayer gave me. But that's my update, you guys. I know it's pretty short and sweet this week, but I wanted to share with you that because it will look fucking perfect at some point, but I'm not waiting for perfect to take action.

You know, and this is the part, even with like weight loss, we do this, right? my food prep isn't perfect. So I'm going to I'm going to wait until I can do all the things or get to the gym before I make that next best decision for myself. And guilty, guilty, guilty all year long. Right. I've been eating out and really trying to coach myself through it. So, I was talking about coaches. So some of the things I've done this year was buying myself coaches and ⁓

That is such a gift. feels like going to the spa for me, right? Like being able to go talk to Ellen when my head was up my ass about planning and she just makes it all easy, right? Getting a coach for weight loss to be a, yeah, I'm a coach. I can coach other people and I can self-coach myself, but having someone from the outside looking in to see your brain invaluable, right? And like it took me.

the first two years of my transformational journey before I started really investing in myself. Why do we do that as women? Why do we do that? You know, it's hard enough for us to get us a massage envy membership to get massages. This to me is the same thing. Life coaching, massages, self-care of the highest level. Whatever that thing you want is, a coach can get you there faster.

whether it's a business coach, a health coach, a general coach, a future self coach, that's what I am. You want a better, ass future self? Come see this girl right here. We like build lives we wanna fucking live in, right? Like, because just cause you get skinny doesn't mean you actually want to live in that life. We build the life you want to live in and the life you don't need a vacation from. And what does it look like?

And so many of us don't even know what that fucking looks like anymore. my God, I'm so excited for what I'm creating and the new community, right? I'm going to shut up now because like that's just a tease. Hang on. If you're new here and you followed it this far, hit subscribe. I'm going to lose like another 100 pounds because it's what I do and I'm really fucking good at it. I think I realized a little bit about that, too. I was like, you know, when I got skinny and it was all through life coaching and

just becoming the person that ate the way I did. Right. I mean, I think I ended up mostly no flour, no sugar, which makes sense once you out, find out all about your hormones. But also ⁓ just my lifestyle overall, you know, waking up and taking care of myself. ⁓ But ⁓ and fasting, intermittent fasting, love cleaning up my body. And I've still done that heavy. Right. Like you can be

You can be a faster, you can be no flour, no sugar and still be fat. You can be all those things. You can like do so much for yourself and still be that. But also you can still be fat and you can be, my God, I fucking love my life right now. Right? Case in point, right? I am up.

From my lowest, like 100 pounds, right? But like, I don't know. I started at like 320 or something when I first, the first time I started losing weight. I'm around 280. I'd gotten down to 175 or so. Who knows, right? Like doesn't, what I found you guys was the happy wasn't as skinny, right? We still know there's just as much trauma when you're a skinny person as when you're not, right? Like what was great was sitting in an airplane seat comfortably.

Like have to go on an airplane tomorrow and it's so much mental drama. I'm like, my God, I hope this seatbelt fucking fits. Like stuff like that. So great to not think about. Or my knees hurting hiking up a mountain. But can I feel fucking awesome right now? And this leads to that other body, right? Staying in this motion, not in the emotion of, my God, I'm so fat. I can't fit an airplane seat. my God, I'm so fat. I can't even hike up the mountain. No.

that energy, if I keep allowing those thoughts to spiral and be dominant, they lead to more of the weight, right? They lead to more of the frustrating thoughts that bring the food to my mouth than put it in my mouth, right? So staying in the vibration of who is this future battle? What would Slayer do? Right?

What would Slayer do? I'll tell you what Slayer would do. She's gonna slay some fucking ghouls right along with you bitches. And we're gonna do it like we always have. Right here. Me and you. Alright, I know, I don't even know if I totally wrapped that up. But that's it for this week, folks. And thanks for listening. Share it with your friends. Whether you wanna share this one here or not, it's totally, totally up to you guys.

More coming soon. We will be more professional in 2026. Absolutely not. All right, witches, bitches. Until next week. I love you. Slayer out.