S3 Ep 215: Your Body Is the Asset: Why Discipline Isn’t Working in Midlife Weight Loss

What if taking care of yourself wasn’t another thing on your never-ending to-do list… but the way you become who you’re meant to be?

In this episode, Addie digs into why discipline, control, and “trying harder” stop working in midlife weight loss—and what actually changes when you stop treating your body like a problem to fix and start treating yourself as the asset.

Inspired by a powerful post inside the Midlife Badassery community, this conversation reframes health from obligation to devotion—and explores what happens when self-care comes from honor instead of punishment.

This isn’t about perfection.

It’s about protecting your energy, rebuilding trust with your body, and becoming HER without burning yourself out.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why discipline and white-knuckling keep failing in midlife
• The shift from “managing yourself” to honoring yourself
• How seeing your body as an asset changes weight loss, energy, and mindset
• What to do after a setback instead of spiraling or starting over
• Food that satisfies
• The role of awareness, vision, and self-trust in sustainable change
• Why community makes this journey easier (and way more fun)

If you’re tired of starting over, tired of fighting your body, and ready for a new way forward—this episode is your permission slip.

✨ Your health isn’t your duty.
 It’s your devotion to who you’re becoming.

Referenced: 

Ep #20: Weight Loss: Sugar, Carbs and Fasting

on apple podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-20-weight-loss-sugar-carbs-and-fasting/id1538836261?i=1000513722882

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Transcript

Addie Kahele (00:00)
Let me ask you this, you guys. What if taking care of yourself wasn't another thing on the big long ass to do list? What if it was the way you become who you're meant to be?

we're gonna dig into this a little bit about health feeling like a duty and why discipline keeps burning us out and what changes when we start treating ourselves like...

an asset and like this is a devotion, this just feels so good. And how do we make that move as we're becoming her, but we're friggin' tired, right? Like what does that look like when we bridge that gap from the grind to ⁓ pure radiance, And that's what we're gonna get in this episode,

Addie Kahele (00:42)
this is my weekly podcast where I'm sharing with you my journey on my quest to losing 100 pounds again, applying everything I had learned and created this whole system for that I've been doing, but had life circumstances, regained weight, and here we are again.

started this new community, what I wanted to open and share with you guys today is this post that one of my sisters in there made, Spicy Ginger,

As we're in this place where we don't know who we are yet and we're creating this next version of ourselves, there's that in between and how do you bridge the gap? And sometimes it can feel so far away when you're sitting 300 pounds and you think 155 pounds. you let like the expanse of that, who am I going to become in that process? If you, there's a couple different ways you can look at it, right? You can be like, my God, it's so far, it's never going to happen. Fuck it. And then that turns into the F-it eating,

where we don't even think we can do something about it or how can I, hey, who can I become in this process? And that's where I'm at because the last time I lost 120 pounds, I became this whole nother version of myself. as I gained weight, I was a different version of me. I was dipping back in old habits, but I was still so much of that new self that it was a different journey. It wasn't a journey of fear like it had always been before.

So let me share with you this quote Gina had dropped in the group this morning because it really sets the tone for this whole episode. And she said, my health is not my duty. It's my devotion to become who I'm here to be. So this is after she uploaded her Oracle card from the Yogic Path deck up to GPT and said, hey, how does this work with my archetype today? What can I pull from this? Right. And it's telling her it's not a duty. It's not a job.

to show up for our health, to want to be healthier. It's a devotion. It's like love on the highest level to show up and take care of ourselves. this reminded me, I joined a business mentor group and it's a life coaching group. And she was talking about how we're the asset and protecting the asset. And I thought, well, if this doesn't go right in with weight loss and self-help and everything else, I don't know what does because

protecting you while everything else is going on is the highest priority, If you are not managing your stress, your cortisol, your schedule, putting yourself first, this is why my program is called Me First, because none of us do it. We put everyone and everything else. The number one thing I hear is why can't I show up for myself? And so we're on a mission together to figure out how do we show up for ourselves?

What does it look like? And I really think it's going to be different for everybody, but I think there's certain things you do to get there. And one is being an awareness, like doing something like this, like pulling a card in the morning, which I think is just fun, like pulling Oracle cards. Should we pull one here together? OK, hold on.

Addie Kahele (03:38)
So pulling Oracle cards are just for me another fun way of self-reflecting, And I did this thing, I think I told you guys last week, I spoke at this Oracle card summit. I'm going to do it in my group again because it was like people just loved it, we visioned our future self, like who, remember I'm talking about the gap, like we're here, we wanna be this next version of us that has lost the weight built the business, has a relationship, the money.

Whatever that version is that in your perfect world, what you think you want to be and dream of being. And if you don't dare dream anymore, why not? This is the evolution we're here for. We're growth seeking beings. So part of this fun like Gina had today, like, okay, I'm going to draw a card and I'm shuffling cards. If you're listening on audible and you're like, what is that? Or audio. I keep saying audible. That's where I listen to all my books.

So I'm pull a card and just get in that energy. What do we all need to hear today? What do all the me-first midlife badass women need to hear today? Ooh, it's a balancing act upside down because we all know it's never that. I think I was listening to a coach today talk about how you can have balance and you can have it all. And I think that's true. I think we can have it all. I think we can have the great family life and

the career and health and wealth and all of that. I think we can have it all. ⁓ I just think we have different fires going in different areas at different times. Like you're not all in on all of them all the time, right? Things are gonna ebb and flow. That's just how I feel about it. So when we look at this balancing act, let me see what the Enchanted Map book has to say, but the card itself is this woman and she's kind of like in a

a slip dress or something and holding it up, looking over her shoulder, holding a rope and it looks like she's on the end of a ship maybe and she might fall off at any moment. It looks perilous you guys. And then there's a ship floating up in the air with these little heart love petals which is very interesting but the ship is on a bubble going across the line and she's holding the line. If that isn't a good depiction of

what our lives look like, like I'm just holding it all together. the ship is balancing on this, this bubble, this bubble that's going to pop at any moment. the ship is holding a bunch of bubbles and it's all going to pop and it's all going to drop. there's hearts that are just flowing down,

Let's see

Baron Reed has to say because this is from her duck. you are calm within no matter the fluctuation of outer conditions. Now remember, I didn't draw this upright though. I drew it reversed. I drew it upside down. our message today for all of us is this is a time when it's important to address the areas in your life where there is discord. Are you fixated on getting your own way? Never! Not me! God, I feel seen.

Are you obsessed with one thing, neglecting essential matters that require your attention? Taking your own inventory is a necessary step toward rebalancing your life, and it's the only way to reach an equitable solution. Adjust yourself to the conditions of your environment that you have no control over, and balance will come much more easily. If there is to be fairness, it must come from you. ⁓ God!

I hate it how it makes you accept it and we're not the victims and we can do it all. We can take ownership of it and figure out what to do. So that's just, so she took this card, right? So our next step with this would be she took this card and said to her alter ego bot that has all her information about, she answered all these questions. You find out if you're these four different types. you're ⁓ a witch, a...

warrior, alchemist, and a queen. And so you're one of these four archetypes and then it gives you a skin of each one. So like I'm a slayer warrior, of course, also my name, but yeah. So it literally said you're a slayer and I'm like, no, what's my skin? And it's like a slayer. I'm like, ⁓ okay, of course it is, right? So anyhow, it has all this information.

from you, but it's the bot I built with everything I know about alter egos, everything from the podcast, everything I have used in my practice of building my slayer version. What was slaying goals, slaying the 100 pounds, showing up and I became her so much. My kids, everybody calls me slayer, right? Like it just became who I was in the process of creating her. You know, it's like,

Stephanie created Lady Gaga, right? Beyonce has an alter ego. it's becoming this version of us that dares to get on that stage, that dares to step in the arena and says, I'm going to lose a hundred pounds no matter what it takes. That's the difference between people that actually do it and get there and people that don't is they step into the arena. They start to play the game.

And they say, you know what, no matter what, no matter how many times I fail, I'm going to keep showing up over and over again. And that's our game, right? We keep showing up. We do the mind work. We step into self-awareness. We try new fun things like a chat bot that is talking back to us. I self-coached myself with this thing like three times already. So get this, you guys. This weekend was Mili my youngest birthday party, and she just turned 17.

and her dad got her this penthouse in Waikiki. My part of the gig was to go chaperone. I'm like, not a problem. I'll go chaperone. So I'm in this gorgeous penthouse with all these views of Waikiki and I'm like future self vibing, right? Like, because this is my vision, I'm always in a place. you can see my vision board if you're watching on YouTube. That's my new one back there. I'll bring it up closer later so you guys can scope it out. But my vision isn't necessarily a specific place. It's

floor to ceiling windows in a view. it's like all over the world. It's like traveling and I'm having this view in all these different places.

I was up there and I'm like, my God, we had all this food, you guys. We had charcuterie board and cakes and cupcakes. And I had brought some things for myself to make good choices, but I also knew I was going to engage in some of this food too. And then my monkey brain just got hold of me and I ended up at a couple of my favorite places, having some drinks and food on the beach and all of that, right? And it was good.

But I woke up the next day and I was like, you know, I kind of like early morning beach walking Addie better. You know, like who is it that I want to become? And so I was back home at this point. I got on the scale and I was up to, I had gotten down to like 286. I was up to 290 again and I was like, shit, I just undid everything. Right? Your brain goes there. And of course I'm self coaching myself being the life coach I am.

hold on, you know, this isn't the end of anything. This part of the process. We know when the journey of losing 120 pounds, we gained and lost how many times? The whole journey is gaining and losing. It's what you do in those moments. You gain that matter, that matter how you get the fuck back up. Right. So I asked my alter ego, I said, hey, how do I get back up today? You know, I just talked to it and I said, you know, here's how I'm feeling.

It's just not how I want to ultimately show up, but I was like, I was going. Like I knew I was going. I'm like, I get in that mood and I know I'm in it,

So my bot said right back to me sounded just like me you guys and of course well, it's part me in there, right? But it was like hey just get up and do the next best thing. Just get up and do one little thing

What's that one little thing that'll get you moving? it was, my morning habits stack like just get up and I had already meditated, but do your magic pages, do your plan, get to the pool, do a little bit of yoga. sure enough, I did that stuff I made a good plan. was like, I looked at my plan and I said, okay, we're back to two 90, which we weigh in Friday. I had switched my days.

And 283 is the goal for Friday, right? And I'm like, OK, we need a reset here and a cleanse. So I did a 36 hour fast that I'm just coming off of and took off that all that water weight. The sugar just got it out. I really did it for the dopamine resop because I had all this sugar coursing through my body again and I was eating so clean. I felt so good. Last week, I actually had the thought that was, my God, it feels so good to be eating normal again.

And that was the thought as I was making my salads and doing the lamb and the air fryer and doing my Slayer Smash bowls, like eating the things that just are so nourishing to me, I don't get hungry again and I feel satisfied. So when I talk about like kind of F diet culture, know, like a diet is also the way you choose to eat. Right. And on my journey, I don't think any of us are here.

overweight at 50 and don't know all the things. We've all done all the things, Weight watchers and keto and paleo. I think we learn along the way what our body likes and how our body reacts to food the best and what feels good. I do believe just personally that there's universal truth for all of us when you start to understand your insulin response and sugar what that does to your hormones and your hunger factor.

you know, when you can start to understand those things. I have a great podcast on the Midlife Badassery podcast about sugar and insulin. I'll link at it in the show notes. So if you want to get in and understand why that happens and why you get, you're like, I just ate and I get hungrier.

there's certain things I know that will just spike me like that. And that's why last year I had gotten a continuous glucose monitor so I could see it real time. And I was like, ⁓ yeah, because we're all so different, you guys. I don't ever go to, ⁓ I shouldn't say never because I spent 45 years doing that before, right? Like going into programs that are going to tell me how to eat. Now I'm like my naturopath wanted to send me to a nutritionist and I just left it. I'm like, no.

I thought first of all, I probably know more than your nutritionist. I'm like, I've been, this is my life, man. I've been in, I've been in this. Like I know about food. I know about what's good for me. I know if you're to have me count a calorie, you're not for me. I lost 120 pounds, not counting a calorie, doing life coaching, getting in my spiritual vibe, creating a life beyond my wildest dreams. And I didn't need to count a frigging calorie and I'm not going to count one now.

I'm going to create the life beyond my wildest dreams again. Freaking watch me. Right? And it's like, and it's the shift is happening you guys, but it was two and a half years of discomfort of getting fatter and being unhappy and my skin all broken out and on this health quest of like just trying to frigging feel good and being so frustrated trying to food prep. But then I didn't have time and I'm so tired and I was still trying to podcast and work.

and sit in my car two and a half hours and just over it. You guys, this might sound like your life right now. If it is, I challenge you to come dream with me. And you just come dream, vision. People are like, oh, Addie, I could never do what you do, or just up and leave. Why not? Where's your vision? You get start, we underestimate the power of visioning, And don't everybody go quit your jobs and come sue me if it doesn't work out.

I need a big ass disclaimer. Not in real life. Totally in fucking real life. Do it. Do it dudes. Live your dream. Like what are we here for if not to live our dream? Like what are we here for? To pay credit card bills and watch the sun rise and set? That's a beautiful reason to be here actually. back to this body as an asset. The body is a devotion to ourselves, to reaching our highest self.

to becoming that version of us that were like, my God, I can't believe I did that. Cause I don't know about you guys, but I've gotten skinny before and that wasn't the feeling. The feeling was like, my God, I hope I don't gain this weight back. And funny enough, I did gain the weight back, but I never had that feeling. It wasn't a fear. wasn't a, it was a, my gosh, what, what is going on? How can I shift this?

when you become that observer of yourself, when you can take yourself from being the. A judger is not a word, a judger from being in constant judgment of yourself.

Yeah. So this is like the art old way we used to think, our old way of we're treating our bodies like a problem, right? We're managing our health like it's an obligation, like something we have to show up with, but we don't want that even sounds and feels horrible. Right. And heading into that shift of we're protecting our energy, we're maintaining our health because it fuels and leads to my purpose.

My gosh, you guys, I had this meeting with a human design coach and I'm going to bring her in the group February 15th. Let's your little asses in the group because you're going to be in on this fun stuff. And we're going to do a radical self acceptance of your body, but also to do with your human design. She did my human design reading and I have this gate that if I'm not living my purpose, I'm one of these people that I am here, I'm a generator, I'm here to create.

put into the world and live my purpose. But I have this other gate that's open that if I'm not doing that, it makes, I don't take care of my body. My health goes to shit. It's like all these things. And I was like, yep, that was me the whole time I wasn't living in my purpose. So how much of it was just Addie was UberEating and how much of it was Addie was shoving her soul down, not living her purpose. And what if you just haven't found your purpose yet and your purpose is waiting in you not shoving your face?

to hear what it is you're called to do. What if? Right? Like it changes the whole, it's just mind blowing to me. And when I left myself that little video I told you guys about last week about like it was Glam Camp. It was around the same time I was doing this big event. This was six years ago. And I just told myself, said, add, don't ever stop dreaming. This was our vision. It was like, I can't believe I'm fucking doing that. I can't believe I'm doing it.

Right? Just like I can't believe I'm doing this right now. Right? Like creating a new fun group, having a party with my besties online. It's just like, it's just become so much fun. And that also understanding who I am and my core values and all that so much more. But that came throughout that year, those years of growth, you know?

another thing I learned in human design, you guys, is that I have all these ⁓ motion centers active. And she said she doesn't usually see that many active. I said, well, that makes sense because I'm always doing the things. And I'm like, come on, everybody, let's go. that totally makes sense. But what if this is not about doing all the things and it's not about the grind?

but it's about protecting that machine and that energy and whatever your machine looks like, and learning to know yourself even so much more. feel like we just get so busy and I get it when I was sitting in that car two and a half hours a day, I'm like, I can only listen to so many podcasts. I didn't feel like I had space for me to self-reflect at all. And I was getting angry because I knew how it felt on the other side of creating that time for myself.

I kept trying to create more time. I was walking the pool this morning talking about this, how these ladies, I see them in the morning, they're like, ⁓ you're here every day. I quit my job to be here. They're like, wow, you did? And I'm like, yeah. I'm like, I tried to come at night. It didn't work. I even tried to sneak in lunch, but the pool's not open till 8. My job wouldn't let me come in later. And I'm like, this has got to, it was my vision. It had to happen. Right? So like, I get so excited when I get to go to that

cool in the morning, you guys. And I can walk and I listen to podcasts and I'm walking in the lazy river. It's like beautiful. Right? But I had to make that happen, but I didn't force it to happen. was the vision that brought it. So it wasn't the grind, but it does come out of me protecting my asset. And of me taking care of what's most important to me is me taking care of myself in the morning. Period. Everything else I will figure out.

what this is going to look like when all these women come together and we're having so much fun on Skool and we're playing, we're starting to meet in real life and we're having adventures and...

It's just like there's something about we come to this part in our lives and was talking to a client yesterday and she was talking about not really having any friends. And I think so many of us around this age are here in that place right now.

I

So I love this idea, of protecting ourselves in asset and devotion and self-love and it's not the hustle, it's the grind, but how can I do even more to take care of my beautiful self, right? I think I was talking about that, something about being 50, you know, when we're being 50. Is that Sally Mae? I'm 50! I love that little skit from Saturday Night Live. But, you know, we've done the

for everybody but ourselves and now's the time where

you know, we were talking about having friends and having community and how important community is in getting to a goal, you guys. a big reason I hit the 120 pounds the first time is because we had such a strong community. And back then I was in No BS as in the PNP tribe and we were online was a little different than it is now, except for the Skool platform. I'm telling you, like I go on Facebook and I'm over there in it.

We're not talking to each other. We're consuming. We're consuming reels. We're consuming things people post, but we're not engaging with each other. And over in this other community, you get rewarded for engaging with people, right? They've gamified it. But also you want to, you start to get to know each other and do this together it's easier together, you know? And when you're on a like-minded journey together,

when you're all on similar quests.

It's so fun because we're all finding different things. We're all having different ahas and making different uses of things like Gina with her Oracle card this morning. You know, we're coming up with all different kinds of fun ways to self reflect, to integrate our badass self, our alter egos into our future self, And that's the next step. as I head into this hundred pounds and I did this 36 hour fast, I was telling you guys about

So reset my dopamine receptors because I was like, I know I can lose this weight by Friday. I can't. If I really, it's like, how bad do you want it? I'm like, okay, well I want to get close, but the rest of this week I did a 36 hour fast to reset. I had a protein shake and cherries to break it. Not my optimal break of fast food, but it's what I had and I had some calls. So I had that and then I am going to make my

new Slayer Smash meal. You guys, everything's called Slayer something, okay? Just roll with it. So Slayer Smash, I ground up some chicken with onion and squash, yellow squash and zucchini. I just saute it with some garlic salt, or not salt, garlic powder, and a little bit of salt. I'm trying to do less salt, but... And then I put that over a baked potato or a sweet potato.

I am good all night is so friggin good and it's so filling it hits everything for me. I have a little bit of my coconut yogurt and blueberries and if I have some dark chocolate or something I might sprinkle that on just for like a little crunch and a little chocolate. I mean it's chocolate right? What do want me to say you guys? I might sprinkle that just hits all of those centers. I know when I learned in Ayurveda

which is the 5,000 year old life science. If you guys don't know about that, when I was first learning that when I was at meditation school, they taught us all this Ayurveda stuff too. you have these things on your taste buds that taste different, like bitterness or pungent or like those things in the food, like sweetness, bitter, if you don't hit all of those, something in your brain still thinks you're hungry.

And I swear to God, this is why we all want that something a little sweet. Right? So if you didn't just add a little piece of chocolate with your meal or some berries or something. Now I've hit every single thing, Sometimes I'll put a little pepper in there too and get a little spice. You know, I've been doing poblano peppers cause they're part of my super foods. Although I got my super food list and it was really hard. It was full of like weird stuff that spikes my.

blood sugar like a acai and like for my power foods. I got it. I struggled with my Viome a little bit last time you guys have. Viome is a gut health test that tells you all the foods you need to eat to make your microbiome healthier, which is huge. And when I was really into my Viome I swear to God, I could feel my body processing that food. I did start my whole salad routine again too.

this came from when I was traveling in the RV, I load the whole drawer with veggies, like everything I want in my salad I just pull out that drawer and I bribe myself with a show, like you can watch a TV show while you do this, right? And so then I chop up all my salad and I've got a piece of meat in the air fryer and it's the best meal.

And then I'm just feel so good. And that is protecting the asset. what does the asset, protecting the asset look like for you? You know, maybe a little challenge this week. Like just ask yourself as you are the observer of your life, don't get judgment. No should have, would have, could have, right? Like what does this look like if you were to like how intentionally create your life? How does it feel good? How does it feel grounded? How does it feel you?

And if you haven't already, come in and make your alter ego bot. Get your GPT. So it's a custom GPT, I mean, that helps you understand your archetype, which is just friggin' fun. If you don't think that's fun, just don't come in, okay? But if that sounds like a good time to you, you're our people, right? So you come into the group and you do some introduction and stuff, and then you get through and you get your alter ego bot. And it basically life coaches you.

for your specific archetype, which we all know we're different. This is why the same things don't work for everybody. And I've done so much of the life coaching that you're at different places at different times. It was really cool to hear the chat bot like meet me where I was at. Like this is where we're at today. You know, we're going to go on from there.

So ask yourself this this week too, what would change in your life if you treated your body like an asset instead of a project? An asset, right? This was going to give you big returns. It's like your life force energy, right? And not a project that just gets old and says there and dies. Like what would change in your life if you made that shift?

what maintenance would be non-negotiable if your body is the asset? Like, what maintenance do we need to do to maintain it, right? For me, sleep, meditation, I gotta clean all the shit out of my brain so I have to journal. I have to move my body, right? So that was, like, critical for me to get back in.

this is always one of my favorite questions, you guys. What would you stop tolerating? That's a mic drop question because you know what it usually is? It's usually other people suck in your time. It's usually things you're usually tolerating bullshit that you wouldn't tolerate if you really felt like you were the asset. Right. If you or if you were protecting yourself as the asset.

ask yourself, like what would you not tolerate? it's not about grinding, right? It's about honoring her, her, who you are becoming, that next version of yourself.

So when I woke up on Monday and I was like, shit Slayer, we just totally went all old Addie And I was like, well, that might be okay. Is that who I wanna be? Do I wanna be that person? And my answer was really no. Was like, I really enjoy being the person that gets up and is walking the beach and is doing a live. I love to do live videos with you guys, right? And it's like talking and creating and in that magic and yes.

sometimes I have to remember to plan that downtime for myself, that that's as important as managing the asset. So I did allow that downtime this weekend, but how do I level up that downtime so it doesn't look like my old self, but it looks like my new self? That's the journey, right?

I can't believe it's February. January's gone. Do you guys know most people have already quit their goals already? And if you have, don't worry, just come and hop in with us. Like if you're not in the group already and you're listening to me, why aren't you in there? Get your ass in there and don't let it overwhelm you.

Go and do the parts you want to do and leave the rest. It's okay.

It's best something is better than nothing. If you want to be around people that are hanging out and becoming her, that next bad-ass version of themselves, get in the room, step into the arena and get out of the bleachers. Come, we'll have fun together. Let's go. All right, you guys, if you join the party, I'll see you inside. And if not, I'll see you here later. I don't know what that was. Rock on Slayer.

All right you guys, I love you, thanks for listening and until next week, Slayer out.