S4 Ep 240: I’m a Skinny B*tch at 262 Pounds—Here’s Why I Believe It

I’m a skinny bitch.

Yep—I said it. At 262 pounds, after losing 120 pounds, regaining 80, and now being down 30 pounds this year.

And nobody can convince me otherwise.

Because being her doesn’t begin when the scale finally gives you permission. It begins when you decide who you are, practice believing her thoughts, and keep showing up long enough for the evidence to catch up.

In this episode, I’m riffing straight from our MEfirst 90 planning event about what it actually takes to believe in yourself again—especially when you’ve started over before, regained weight, or have people waiting to roll their eyes at your next attempt.

We’re talking about:

• Why I put on my detective hat instead of my judge’s robe
• The Obstacle Playbook that exposed what was really behind my afternoon overeating
• How commitment, courage, capability, and confidence build on one another
• Why self-trust matters whether you’re losing weight, using a GLP-1, building a business, or chasing any big goal
• How I practice new thoughts before I fully believe them
• The bridge thought that can carry you when “I’m already her” feels too far away
• Why your dreams have to get bigger than weight loss

YOUR 1% ACTION:

Choose one goal you want to reach in the next 90 days and ask yourself:

What would I need to believe to be the woman who makes this happen?

Then get honest about what you believe now. No judgment. Just curiosity.

You don’t have to jump straight to “I’m a skinny bitch.” Start with a thought you can practice:

I’m going to keep showing up, learning, and loving myself through this until I figure it out.

That’s how belief gets built.

TIMESTAMPS

00:00 — “Who’s a skinny bitch? That’s me.”
01:38 — What believing in yourself looked like at the beginning
03:42 — Put on your detective hat, not your judge’s robe
04:18 — Building an Obstacle Playbook
07:15 — What my overeating was actually helping me avoid
09:14 — Identity work and GLP-1 weight loss
10:30 — Commitment, courage, capability, and confidence
13:18 — Practicing the identity before the evidence arrives
16:51 — Finding a bridge thought you can believe
19:20 — Why goals start feeling possible
20:17 — Your 1% action for the week
21:54 — There is no shame in regain
23:21 — What if your dreams became bigger than weight loss?

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Transcript

Addie B | Midlife Badassery (00:01)
Who's a skinny bitch? What what? That's me. I was telling the women in my me first workshop this weekend about how I just already believed that so much. Like you can't come and watch this video and tell me I'm not a skinny bitch and it mattered to me, or that I'm not a skinny bitch.

Who's a skinny bitch? That's me. That's right. Listen, I was telling the women in my group this week, we are all on a coaching call. I was telling the women on a coaching call this week. I'm like, this is literally my thought. Like nobody can tell me I'm not a skinny bitch right now. Like you can come watch this video, leave comments, call me fat, whatever.

Will not affect me because I believe so hard. I'm already in that identity of Slayer who lost the 120 pounds and was just feeling so good and fit and lean and mean and all of that. And I'm already emotionally, mentally there just from recreating the life of my dream again, but also continuing to practice building these new belief thoughts. And so I want to share this with you guys today because.

Because this came up at our workshop this weekend as I'm guiding people through this process to create your 90-day plans. And what do you need to think? What do you really need to believe to come out that other side of being the person that can sit at 260 pounds and be like, watch me, let's go. I'm doing this. I'm doing this live here with you. I lost 120 pounds live and I'm gonna do it again.

We're slaying another 80. I'm down 30, and here we go. And what how do you step into that level of confidence? And so there's a few things I want to share with you guys from my journey that are, I think, game changers on this. And I want to leave you with one small little action today, too. So, first, you know, I was thinking about myself back when I first started my weight loss journey. And I would go live on Facebook and I was like, hi.

Addie and it was like this timid little voice, like I was scared. And but I was like doing it. I asked myself, I said, if you really believed, if you believed you were that woman that is going to be 160 pounds or whatever, my Weight Watcher goal weight was 179. So I was always like, if

I hit the 179, like what would I do? What would I tell people now? At I think I was probably around the weight I am now when I actually first started going live. And I said, Well, I would tell the world about it now. I would say, watch me, I'm doing this. Like, what would I do when I believe so hard? And there was a lot of work that went in up to this point. We were coaching in the group yesterday, and one of the women was like, you know, I'm like scared to tell.

my family and all of this because they've seen me do these things and they just they just roll their eyes. there she goes again. I'm like, and that's your safety level, right? I think you have to get to the part where you start to believe yourself. You don't need negative naysayers on that ride with you. You figuring out how to believe in yourself. It's already hard enough to figure out how to believe in yourself without having to manage

Other people's comments and emotions and things around you. So you share at your level. But I had done so much mental work up to this point. I was doing a lot of life coaching things and just really starting to understand how to believe in myself and how to show up in a goal and get a goal and that failure didn't matter. In fact, failure was good because that just meant I was getting closer to the goal because no longer was I sweeping it under a rug, I was paying attention to.

Hey, why didn't that work for me? I put on my detective's hat instead of this my judge's robe. You know, it's like going from the difference of being the observer of your life to being the victim of your life. And when you step into that mode, and it was so you guys, this weekend, so I do this 90 day planning event. And it's always very emotional for me. It takes a lot out of me to lead these events.

But it also cracks me open because I see the other women through taking this time to even stop to think about what is getting in my way. One of the most powerful things we did was we did these obstacles playbook. So we said, okay, this is the goal I want. This is how I want to get there. What are the things that are stopping me from?

Getting to that goal. What are always those things that get in my way? And we do this whole brainstorm around your goal. Like, what are all these little things? And you can do this at home. Make a mind map really easy. Put your goal in the middle, branch out from that. What are all these little things that could get in your way? And so you're just brainstorming, brainstorming. Because when you can identify them, you guys, instead of ignoring them, not looking at them, just keep shoving our faces, when we can look at it, then guess what? We're empowered. We can do something about it in that.

Fucking feels good. That's where possibility comes from. Possibility comes from going through this phase, right? Dan Sullivan talks about this, the four C's. So first we have to commit, which is a big thing we do when we make our 90-day plans. Like, what am I committed to for these 90 days? We do a bigger vision and then we bring it down a little bit smaller because every day is a commitment.

Every day is a choice and all those little decisions matter. And what matters even more is not beating yourself up when you don't show up for your decision. Right? What really matters is that you show up as the detective in that circumstance and say, okay, why didn't I show up? And this was key for me, but I want to share with you about the obstacle playbook real quick. Let me finish that thought here for you guys. Because in doing this and saying,

what could get in my way, it often will look like, well, I stress eat at work. But what is it really? And when I dug into mine, it was, of course, emotional eating, right? Because what would happen is I'd take a break at work, I'd go cook and watch a show, which I love to do. It gets me in there cutting up my salad. It makes that time pleasurable for me. So I know I don't want to stop that because it's something I enjoy to it's a part of me eating healthy, right? It's like

My little, I don't know, like Julia Childs moment, right? Like I put on a show I like, I relax, I do all of that. However, what's been happening recently is because I had to have a little come to Jesus with myself because I've been at a plateau and I'm like, I know it's my afternoon eating. I'm eating like past where way past satisfied or where I need to be. And I there's a couple of different things that go into that for me.

But I'm eating past it because when I said, Well, why am I doing that? It's because I'm avoiding coming back to work because I'm doing a lot of new hard things right now. And I don't wanna come back and do it. I wanna like gorge myself and go pass out and forget about everything.

And if you haven't ever like been a binge eater or eaten past full before, you're probably not gonna understand that concept. And that's that's okay. You don't need to. I do from a standpoint of observing myself, right? Seeing, okay, that isn't serving me. In order for me to move to my next goal.

I am going to need to modify this behavior and I want to modify this behavior, right? I don't like being stuffed and it's uncomfortable and it just doesn't feel good. So I brainstormed, I identified the obstacle and I'm brainstorming tools I put in place, right? So my new thing is I'm setting up my co-workstation to go into lunch mode and I type in lunch mode.

And then it runs me through. I'm doing a tapping before I eat. And then I'm picking three small quick wins when I get back to my work desk that like, okay, all you have to do is do those quick three little things. And then if you still don't want to finish that task, that's okay. We can move toward it at that time.

Ultimately, my goal is to show up for everything. Ultimately, my goal is to show up for everything I say I'm gonna show up for. But I realized I wrote on my obstacle. One of my obstacles is not planning good downtime for myself. Can you guys identify for this? Like not planning that time to just relax. And so I always identify this as an obstacle because I know I crash and burn out of run, run, running. And some of that's me being this.

generator human design type with all these motor centers, right? Like it's part of how I'm built. But also, you know, I had to what I had

Also, I don't want to have to go through 20 more dark nights of the soul learning how to get in child's pose because the universe is like slow the fuck down, Ad. Get on your yoga mat, right? Like I don't want to have to go through a million more of those, right? So I'm like, my hair is like.

So I'm always identifying how to plan more downtime, how to take more time for me. And you guys, my morning routine is extensive. There's a lot of me time in that morning routine, and especially being an entrepreneur, right? And I think as we cross the line from being a corporate America employee to being my own employee, is quite a difference in learning how to show up for yourself, right? And one point you're showing up for a clock and for someone else, and over here.

Talk about a level of self-trust like you've never seen. All of my weight loss k skills come into play being an entrepreneur because that showing up for what I say I'm going to show up for, making a plan ahead of time, thinking with my smart brain, which is what we just spent all weekend doing, and me identifying these obstacles, like I'm sharing with you, like this. What are all these things that get in our way on the path? Like, you know, we we

We have a core group right now that are on GLP ones. And I fucking get it, man. I was like in line for weight loss surgery. Totally 100% get it. And as a coach in that environment, I'm like, this is the stuff that is going to help you if you see your end game that you're not taking this GLP one forever, that is going to help you come out the other side as the person who keeps existing without that shot.

In the manner that you're setting up. Like, what do you want that to look like? You know, and so we're we're talking through all these identity-based things. Like, who is she and what does she do? I think often we think we're gonna, I know when I started out on my weight loss quest, my food looked totally different than when I was at the other end of the weight loss quest. And I think it's easy.

It's easier maybe to bypass that journey a little bit. And not the women in this group, I gotta tell you, they are they are really going like seeing nutritionists and doing all this mindset work. And I think that is the difference, right? When we come out the other side, like I'm already a skinny bitch, right? And we were talking about this because what believing, how do you believe so hard?

Right. And this is where I started to tell you. fuck, I'm all over the place, you guys. This is like Addy Squirrel Day, but I have so much to tell you. So we started to tell you about the commitment and then the obstacles came up. So so Dan Sullivan talks about these four C's, right? Like you get committed, which is what we did in the 90-day planning that led into all of that. And then we have the courage to step into it. And then every every new goal goes through this process, you guys. So listen up. Commitment, courage.

Right. And that fear comes up. So your goal should tingle a little fear in you. A little bit of, I don't think I can do that. A little bit of I'm scared to step into it. I think I can, but I don't know. Because that's where growth is. If it doesn't take courage, it's not growing you. Right. Because everything new is scary. That's how our brains are wired. So it's going to be scary. Welcome to the party. Right. There is fear involved here. So we come in, we go into courage, and then we have.

And then you start to show up for it. You start to take small little steps. You step into the fear and you start to gather evidence. And then you start to believe you're capable and that, hey, maybe I can do this thing. And then you become confident. And then you're the person eight years later that can come here after regaining 80 pounds and say, I'm a skinny bitch. Watch me. Let's go hop on the ride because we're doing this.

And be down 30 pounds for the year and continue to show up. I just laid out my 90-day plans for the year. And you guys, it's all over the place, right? And I've been at this plateau. So when I sat down to do this plan, I was like, all right, I want to move this needle. Yes, I do. I always check in with myself on that because d over eight years of doing these plans and staying focused on a health goal, because even when I was skinny bitch.

gonna call her skinny bitch. I mean she was just skinny bitch. Now you know even when I became that person it was when I would take my eye off of that it shifted other things out of alignment because it wasn't just about the scale right the scale was direction of me being in alignment in other things in my life. And for me was getting my ass in child's pose meditating being still more other people it might be moving more.

You might not have these energy centers and have this problem, right? Like it might be you wanting to energize that part of your life more. And it's going to be different for all of us. And this is why the method I created like really covers and encompasses all any path you're on, because all our paths are so different, you know? They're just going to be.

So you step through those four C's. Every time you head out on a goal, you guys, it's gonna be a little scary if it's not scary and not t we're not testing ourselves, right? So we then we dig up the obstacles. And you know, in that process, we get into the what do I need to believe? What are these new thoughts that are going to start to happen? And these are gonna come through you going through your obstacles in a lot. But I also have a practice I do.

Every single day in my daily planning, where I practice this new thought and rewire it. And I got thinking today, I was like, you know why it's so easy to sit here and say I'm a skinny bitch at 262 pounds, five feet nine, is because I am over that time, over that, over these past two years.

Well, yes, I was dealing with a lot of health stuff and all of that going on, but I was overeating, obviously. I gained 80 pounds, right? And so, but through that time, I kept showing up s writing, I'm a skinny bitch. And every day I would say, huh, why don't I believe I'm a skinny bitch today? Like, am I is evidence not telling me? Is like, and then I would write myself out the other side and be like, I'm on the path, I'm always on the path, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

One little step. We're just figuring this out right now. Right. And that love and self-compassion that comes from not being the judge of yourself and being the observer and being the lover of yourself, of being your own best friend. That practice is what allows me to believe so hard, is allows me to step into that next future self version of myself. And that is

Why it's so much of what I share and teach. And a lot of this I learned through life coaches I worked with. Brooke Castillo with the life coach school, Corinne Crabtree with no BS. so big into the thought work. And then I gotta bring the woo in, you guys, because I'm in the book club bitches, I do a lot of shit, you guys, and I'm starting my own book club. We're gonna do the atomic habits workbook. So if you're watching this real time.

I'm gonna open just book club to to people that wanna get in by like, I think I'm gonna do by like August 21st. So look for the link and all that jazz. or check out midlife badassery. Anyhow, delete that. That's irrelevant. But I can put that in. So I I'm doing this other book. What's it called?

I'm doing this other book called Beyond Wanting. And in this book, he talks about releasing, it's not when we're in the vibration of wanting something, of desiring something, we're coming from a place of lack and how important it is to shift that vibration into already having, already receiving gratitude, right? You can see how different those vibrations are. Like, I want to be skinny. I already am.

I'm am a skinny bitch, right? And so that thought process is part of the process of rewiring ourselves into that different vibration because thoughts, emotions are frequency of the body, right? Thoughts are frequency of the mind, something like that. So we have these frequencies that we're constantly emitting and that are creating our realities here. And so if I want to go from wanting to believing to having to holding.

How do I release and let go of that outcome? This is what we always hear of, just let it go, just release it, just like let it be. Like, how do I go to that space of letting it be? And okay, I want this outcome. I see my future self. I can see her a hundred pounds from now. Letting go of that outcome, being in the present moment.

With the vibration of I just I feel so good right now. And it takes steps to get there too, you guys. Every day I take myself through a mental, emotional mind, body, soul process to get myself to a place where I believe every single day and what to where I feel good. And I don't always, I'm not always lighting the world up, but when I do these things.

I am much more present and I'm much more aware of what I'm putting in the world. I'm not just creating it.

I'm not just consuming my world, I'm creating it. And in I'm not just consuming the world, I'm creating my world around me. And in this creation is also empowerment. All these little things help us step into believing harder, believing more, finding bridge thoughts for yourself. For example, you might not yet be able to say, I'm a skinny bitch, right? But maybe you can say, you know what? I'm gonna show up.

Over and over again and figure it out until I do. You know what? I'm gonna show up and fail. Because every time I fail, I'm gonna love myself through that failure and I'm gonna grow. I'm gonna show up, like find that thought that bridges that gap for you, right? Like bridge thoughts, you know. If you're familiar with thought work, reframing all of that, like finding that thought that is in between where your future self is like, I'm so fucking skinny, right? And maybe it's like.

It can also just be something like, I just feel so good. Like right now, my current vision, I close my eyes and I do a I do a future self vision and I can see my thinner future self. I see her checking her bank account because I'm working on money blocks, and I see her envisioning.

$500,000, which seems crazy to me right now. And I I see that and I get that energy. And I'm like, I'm just so thankful because like what it even represents to me is do you know how many women I have to help rewire their thoughts and their beliefs to see $500,000? That overwhelms me with joy and gratitude. And then I start crying, and it's like this whole vibration I get, right?

And then I say, okay, what don't I believe? my God, I'm broke. And like all the shit thoughts come out, right? Like, I couldn't possibly do that. I'm hardly I'm broke as fuck. Like, whatever. Like, let those thoughts come out. And then I'm like, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. It's all coming. It's all for my highest and best good. It's all, and then by the time I write myself through all of that.

Nobody can tell me I'm not already a millionaire. Nobody can tell me I'm not already a skinny bitch because I've already rewired myself and those shit thoughts, right? But this this I digress is deeper work, you guys. So I do have a I do have another video I'm in process of editing for this week. So follow, subscribe, follow along, and I show you how I do this process in the morning that I'm sharing with you here.

So if you're watching on YouTube, if you're not watching on YouTube yet, get over there, subscribe, follow along, because I'm gonna be dropping extra content in there to help show you how to do some of these things. So you can start just doing little pieces yourself at home if you don't wanna come in the community or learn and you can just start right here.

and I'm gonna put this at the beginning. So for our cut and edit. And if you're new here, I'm Addy Beal, and this is the Midlife Badassery podcast. And I've lost 120 pounds, regained 80, losing 100 again, down 30 for the year. And I'm here sharing that journey with you real time and all things becoming a midlife badass and already being one. Because we come from a place of being, which is gonna be the topic of today's episode. So stay tuned.

I'm gonna leave you. I wanna leave you with one simple thing you can put into place today to start making a move forward. It's my mission every episode to leave you with like at least one little inspiration. This podcast might like have 50 of them, but I at the end I promise I'm gonna narrow it down to one little action for you because I'm just riffing today. I just came off a

amazing event I did for the women in my VIP community in the Me First 90. And we do this 90 day plan. And every time I do it, I just get it gets me lit up. And it starts to make goals feel so possible. There's something about when we get through this whole process of visioning into from visioning into goal setting into

making an action plan and then overcoming these obstacles, playbook obstacles we call them, or going through that process and then laying it out makes you realize, my God, all I have to do is take one little step at a time and this is going to happen. Now I just need to figure out how to show up. And this is where the community comes in because we show up together. And when you need it, because that messy middle, you guys, that's when you get your ass to a meeting or

Like it's it is like AA, right? Like get your ass to the support group, right? And if you go weekly, it's even more beneficial, right? That we keep showing up for ourselves over and over again.

In fact, I think that is a really good one percent action for you guys this week to think about what your future goal. Like what would your 90 day goal be if you set one? Like what would that be? And what do you need to think for you to be that person? What do you think she even thinks 90 days from now? Much less your end goal, right? Like, is she is it maybe it's like, my God, I'm really doing this. I'm starting to do this.

I'm showing up for myself. Like, what would that thought for you be? And like really sit and think about that this week. Maybe write about it. Heck, if you want to bust out some obstacles, you're not gonna hurt my little life coach heart. Go ahead, write those down while you're at it. Or you could just sit here, turn this podcast off, take a few minutes and

Or you could just take a minute here and pause and ask yourself, what do I really need to believe? What do I believe now? Ask yourself what you believe now. Often we don't want to know what we believe. And that might take some writing. What do I really believe? What do I really think? What do I really think? When I first started my weight loss journey, I can tell you what I really thought. I felt like I just couldn't do it, that I showed up for it over and over again.

And always failed. There was always that fear of regain. And I realized I just went through a regain and I've explained this in other videos, but there wasn't that fear there, you guys. There wasn't ever the fear that I wasn't going to be slayer again and be a skinny bitch. It was, my God, look at all this. I this whole new world I'm navigating. Right. And for me, it's always just showed up in my wake.

Right. Other play other people, it'll show up in different places, money, relationships, like whatever when your life gets rocked. Right. And they're different obstacles every time. And I have a whole new set of obstacles right now. So this can this can happen. And there isn't shame in that. There isn't shame in the regain. There isn't shame in us using what other path we're on at the moment to get to the other side.

That is you testing things. Right. And I just started, once I started testing things and I saw the power of that, like every good thing I've done came from me challenging myself. Like meditation. He said, you won't be the same person if you do this twice a day for a year. I was like, two weeks. I was like sold, right? Magic morning pages, three pages stream of conscious writing.

They're like, I could never journal. I couldn't be a journaler. And it was like a 30-day challenge. And I was like, they were like, if you do these for 30 days, you'll never stop. I was like, that's bullshit. That's not gonna work for me. you guys, I don't even know how how many years is seven years of three pages of stream of conscious writing every morning. Like, that's a lot of fucking pages I've written. I used to save them because I was gonna write a book and the book just got too big. I literally was moving suitcases of these journals across the ocean.

Okay, I digress, you guys. I am so stoked you are on the fucking ride with me. We're gonna light this bitch up. Get get in midlife badassery. If your little ass isn't in there yet, we're gonna we're lighting it up this year. We're almost getting to it's almost ultra ego build time again. So jump on board. So much fun in the identity work. If you wanna change take your weight loss journey from drudgery and this sucks.

To let's have some fun and dare to dream again. I just got a message this afternoon from Jen about, she was like, you know, all I've ever been able to dream about is weight loss. And she said, I was sitting there listening to you guys at the event. We do a visioning and all of that. And she was like, you know, I realized when I was younger, I used to get I used to look forward to getting on the bus and dreaming and just daydreaming. And she would like be excited about it. And then somewhere along the way,

Someone had told her it was a waste of time or it wasn't good to do, or she decided it or whatever, and just kind of shut down dreaming. And the only thing she had ever dreamt about was weight loss. And while we do do that, you know, who are you when you lose the weight? It's amazing what other dreams you uncover that you've shoved down. And listen, you guys, this is our time. If you're midlife, this is our time.

Our kids are growing up. They're becoming more independent. What are we gonna do with this next half? Right? Like, we I think we all have that vision. We want to retire and go sit on the beach and drink cocktails, and we're gonna be happy with that for like a couple months. Well, depending on, I guess, how many cocktails you have. But also purpose. Like, what do I want to put in this world? What do I want to dream? It feels so good to live my purpose. Amy, one of the other

Amy in our group is a human design expert and she left and cause I was like, I'm living my purpose and it feels so good. And she she's like messaging me. She's like, you know, you do have the right cross of planning. I'm like, I know, dude. Like, cause I made a planner and this whole thing is making a plan and it's around com helping community plan all my channels, you guys. Like my whole human design is made for exactly what I'm doing right now.

There's no doubt in my body that I am doing what I was meant to do on this planet. Like be on the ride with you, creating plans, having fun, daring to dream and putting badassery in our lives. Right. Like somehow that is my human design. So if you want some more of that, follow along because I'm not stopping. See you next week. Follow along because I'm not stopping. Let's go.