When Love Becomes Abuse: The Healing Journey to Self-Worth & Growth | Jil Moore

Can childhood experiences shape the way we love, heal, and see ourselves as adults?

Jill Moore, Client Relations Director at THE BALANCE Rehab Clinic and Yoga Practitioner, joins Abdullah Boulad for an honest conversation about childhood trauma, emotional healing, mental health, yoga, healthy relationships, and personal transformation.

Together, they explore how early family experiences, emotional suppression, and the search for validation can influence self-worth and relationship patterns later in life. Jill opens up about surviving an abusive relationship, rebuilding her confidence, and how yoga, therapy, and somatic healing became essential parts of her recovery journey.

The conversation also examines the importance of healthy boundaries, vulnerability, family healing, and the realities of working in mental health. Jill shares what she has learned from supporting clients through recovery, why compassion and authenticity matter in healing, and how these experiences inspired her mission to help children and teenagers build emotional resilience through mindfulness and yoga.

Whether you're navigating trauma, healing from difficult relationships, interested in mental health, or simply looking for a deeper understanding of personal growth, this episode offers thoughtful insights into resilience, self-awareness, and what it truly means to create a life in balance.

About Jill Moore:
Jill is a Yoga Practitioner and Director of Experience & Admissions at THE BALANCE Rehab Clinic. Passionate about the connection between yoga, mindfulness, and mental health, she helps individuals develop greater self-awareness, emotional resilience, and balance. Inspired by her own healing journey, Jill advocates for a holistic approach to wellbeing and is dedicated to supporting people on their path toward recovery and personal growth.
 
00:00:00 - Introduction to Jill Moore's Journey
00:02:04 - The Childhood Trauma That Changed Everything
00:04:29 - Growing Up Without Emotional Safety
00:05:51 - Self-Worth, Family Expectations & Seeking Validation
00:10:46 - How Low Self-Esteem Led to a Toxic Relationship
00:12:19 - Surviving an Abusive Relationship
00:17:05 - The Life Lessons Hidden in Trauma
00:20:15 - Why We Try to Heal Other People
00:22:02 - How Yoga Became a Path to Healing
00:23:40 - Leaving Everything Behind to Become a Yoga Teacher
00:26:47 - Why Yoga Is More Than Physical Exercise
00:28:08 - Working in Mental Health at THE BALANCE Rehab Clinic
00:31:00 - Somatic Therapy and Releasing Stored Trauma
00:34:26 - Healing Family Relationships Through Honest Conversations
00:37:01 - Why Children Need Emotionally Available Parents
00:40:31 - The Challenges and Rewards of Helping Others Heal
00:44:52 - Jill's Mission to Help Children Build Emotional Resilience
00:48:22 - Daily Habits for Better Mental Health and Balance
00:50:01 - Why Animals Can Be Powerful for Emotional Healing
00:50:31 - Final Reflections on Healing, Purpose & Living in Balance
 
Follow Abdullah Boulad:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/abdullahboulad/   
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Follow Jil:
https://www.instagram.com/moorechill.byjilmoore/
 
You can order Abdullah’s books here: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B0BC9S5TCF?ccs_id=c64f2588-7eb1-4592-b4d1-647a0f379b51
 
Follow THE BALANCE Rehab Clinic:
https://www.linkedin.com/company/thebalancerehabclinic/ 
https://www.instagram.com/thebalancerehabclinic/

Transcript

Introduction to Jill Moore's Journey

SPEAKER_01 0:00

And my grandfather was lying on a sunshair like he always does. And suddenly I just saw him touching his hand on his chest and he had a heart attack. And it's the first vision that I have as a child. The dynamic in my family had been for so many years that we lift the carpet, we place underneath everything, and that's it. We don't really talk about emotions and feelings. I led men crossing a lot of borders aiming for that little love that I got and just accepted the pain that comes with it. He really got out my ducks. I take more drugs and drink more. Things got broken, bruises were happening, police got involved, I managed to get permission that he was not allowed to come any closer than 50 meters to me. With yoga, I found a place where I can be vulnerable. When I'm having new clients, I asked them to come on the mat and let me teach you. You can only give what you can give, you know, you don't have to do more than that. My passion and my vision is to create a method, how to help kids to stay more present. One girl said, you know, in school, everybody tried to tell us what to do better. Today I felt enough. And I was like, oof.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Welcome to the Living a Life in Balance podcast. My guest today is Gilles Moore, client relations director and yoga teacher at the Balance Rehab Clinic. I hope you will enjoy. We have been uh working for how many years? Five years. Five years. Yes. Yes. So it has been quite a journey since then. What I'm interested in today is what was your journey leading to the moment where we um started doing yoga in the first place and then and then um uh working together.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

First of all, thank you so much for giving me the chance to sit here in front of you, inspired by many people before me. Um and speaking about five years of experience and growth with you, you always managed to put me out of my comfort zone. And I want to thank you for that because that helped me so much with my growth.

The Childhood Trauma That Changed Everything

SPEAKER_01 2:04

But coming back to where my journey started, um everybody's journey is so unique, and everybody goes through their pain and their joy and their passion. My journey started on my first real um yeah, like insight as a child. So I was three years old, and um, my grandfather, the mother of my mom, um, celebrated his birthday, and we were gathering with the family together. Um, all of the other kids were like playing outside, and I was inside the room, and my grandfather was lying on a sunshair like he always does. And suddenly I just saw him touching his hand on his chest, and he was suffering, and he had a heart attack. So, in this young stage, I had to experience um a loss of my grandfather and the horrible outcome and the the screaming and the crying of the family when that happened until the ambulance got him. And this is a vision that just doesn't go out of my mind, and it's the first vision that I have as a child. And why it was afterwards so dramatic? Because in that moment, uh, we had the announcement that he passed. Um, my mom hysterically cried, and her sisters and my dad and everybody. And um I just remember seeing my dad sitting down towards my brother and explaining him the situation, and my older cousin also explaining to his child. So all of the kids were comfort and explained of the situation, and I just see myself running from one person to the other person, and nobody talked to me. So in that moment, I felt like I was so aware of what happened, but I feel like they didn't know that I was aware and I see it and I felt it and I knew something was wrong. So I think that was the first touch band touch point of abundantment from my family, and you know, they didn't know it better. They thought like I was a young girl who didn't realize what's happening, but I felt really lost and I remember this. And in such a young age, I think we all have to be so aware that kids get and feel and see everything. So that was the first big abundantment trauma in my life.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

So it was kind of the trauma which was not repaired, you know, you didn't feel um connected, taken care of.

Growing Up Without Emotional Safety

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Yeah, it took many years to like really work through this trauma, and it brought a big trauma between me and my mom because in this moment I needed my mother, and um, and she couldn't give it to me. And now I understand she was in pain herself, you know. So, but for a long time, this abandonment grew bigger and bigger, and I have to say that, but I love my family. But the dynamic in my family had been for so many years that when there were issues, we lift the carpet, we place underneath everything, and that's it. We don't really talk about emotions and feelings. So I never really felt I had a really big space of sharing my feelings, being more vulnerable, and setting boundaries. That's something there to learn now after a long, long time.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

When did you realize that this has been affecting you later on? Was it just recently you did the work and realized, or was it always present for you?

SPEAKER_01 5:29

Growing up, relationship with my mom was very challenging for a long time. I could see that this could be one of the root issues. Um, but also becoming a teenager was trying to be very rebelic. So um being a naughty little girl, let's say like that.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

I cannot imagine that.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

Yeah, no, no. Wow, there's always two sides, right?

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Yes,

Self-Worth, Family Expectations & Seeking Validation

SPEAKER_00 5:51

of course.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Um, I think what really reflected it, and it was not only the relationship to my to my mom, but also my more strict father who grew up in a family that was very strict. Um like being a certain way was needed, like being a good girl, like um reacting in a certain way, doing ballet, doing all these things that like they thought it was good for me. At the end, it was good for me because now I use ballet and the body, like the body movements in a good way. But that moment was more what they imagined me to be as a girl. For for example, like I used to be a very clumsy girl, like I would drop things and I would get more punished for that and just understanding maybe it has to do with like adversity, maybe a little bit ADHD, whatsoever. But um, I was like more in that fear modus than when something happened. So I had to like really learn and I started to like suppress these emotions quite deep. Yes. And just last year I had a breakthrough through this, you know, the suppressed emotions, this not regulating myself, this outbusting, this anger I I started to carry as a child. And then I started to learn how to fly my dragon. But that's something we can discuss in a bit.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Yeah, so I mean, there are different topics, you know, also how how your attachment was to your family, your your your parents. They had to go through something, you realize that now. Yeah, but when you were growing up, this was like not uh really present. No, it I mean most families probably don't talk openly about their feelings and emotions. We don't we don't grow up and like yes, well, we're happy to talk about our feelings. I I didn't within my family. This was not not really uh fully present um until much later, also. So it's what why do you think what was missing there from your today's understanding of it?

SPEAKER_01 7:55

I think creating a safe space to just speak, you know, and to be listened to, you know. I think um what was missing, we were all in our own pain, and we tried to like make our own pain almost bigger than the other one's pain. And I think what was missing is just the sit-down and just like uh yeah, creating a safe space, I think basically, yeah. It takes a lot of time to create a safe space because we always like I still feel like I had a very safe childhood and a very loving parents in in a big way, but still like the safe space of communicating, how you deeply feel, or like the fear of abandonment, the fear of disappointment, like still as a child, you can't really know how to handle this so much and how to deal with it. Yes, so it took a long time to set healthy boundaries. This year, for the first time, I put really healthy boundaries for my father, you know. He understood and he uh apologized, you know, but it it just takes it takes a long time. Yeah, and through through this experience, probably like growing up further, um getting in relationship that was maybe not as healthy as I wanted them to be, into um or falling in love with men that are more, especially one, more um yeah, more toxic, you know, like trying to get the validation from the outside, saying yes to somebody I should have said no to, um, and turning this into a more of an abusive relationship, gaining that a validation from the outside, not knowing my self-worth, etc. You know.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

We'll get into that a bit deeper. Do you think how was your self-esteem at that point?

SPEAKER_01 9:43

I didn't know who I was. Like I'm in between like the image of how I should be, and then tapping into who I am, and oh, being a teenager and growing up is so difficult. That's why I really reconnect with the teenies nowadays. Like, it's you're on that journey of understanding who are you? It's not easy. Yeah, it's your parents say one thing, your your teacher say one thing, your friends say something. How do you even know who you are? You know, for me, it's like through experience, you know where you're standing, but it's yeah, so uh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

So not knowing who you are, but also being afraid of being judged or the punishments, absolutely, yeah. And people pleasing, trying to balance. So having this rucksack on you going into a relationship, what do you think has brought into this relationship and enabled probably what happened?

How Low Self-Esteem Led to a Toxic Relationship

SPEAKER_01 10:46

I think with the self-esteem and not knowing who I was, I let men or like in this relationship him run over me quite much. Um crossing a lot of boundaries that I should have made safe and clear, but more of um like aiming for that little love that I got and just accepted the pain that comes with it. So that's I think a big, a big rucksack, a lot of baggage that I carried into it, like this acceptance of letting people like do these things with you and and trying to because I'm such a faithful person, like maybe a little bit naive, I would say, like a little bit like, oh, like this could be good, you know. Like I do feel that love, but then in that moment I misunderstood love and just I don't even know what it was, um, validation in this moment, you know. Like he liked to possess me, you know, like really wanted to be wanted. I think that was something that came out in this relationship.

SPEAKER_00 11:42

It's also very difficult. I mean, as a young woman to to know, of course, who you are or what you want, what you don't want. Yeah, but but also um how how a healthy relationship uh is really so that's something we learn through through relationships, probably at some point.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

Um, and and your experience you went through uh has has uh had an effect on you how you look at uh new relationships, probably. What happened exactly? Can you share more in detail?

Surviving an Abusive Relationship

SPEAKER_01 12:19

Well, I moved to Berlin, I was 21, and there was like coming out of a small town like Marburg, it's a small town close to Frankfurt where things were much more in order. Moving into the big city of Berlin was 21. It's like I always say that's like Disneyland for adults, like there are no limits, you know. And as I'm a very curious person, I wanted to experience things and and just dive also into this kind of world. Um, and I met him, he was older than me, and uh, as I mentioned, it was more like a possessive kind of like interaction. So he pulled me into it, and um and we like just started, it was starting to be all nice and good, and then we started to like go out more and party more because he was really much into that scene and take more drugs and drink more, and it just got very quickly very intense, so that I almost like um got kicked out of university, yeah. And uh looking back on that, it's like wow, he really got out my dark side, you know. And I feel like we all have something like dark and lightful inside of us and sometimes get triggered in a more way. And I was going into the wrong path, and then we're just starting to fight more, it was getting more intense because my parents got involved, my friends got involved, everybody asked me to like not stay into this because they saw me going down. Yes, but for me, love, you know, like my eyes. So I was yeah, like I was blind. Um, it was getting more and more intense. My nervous system at that moment, I didn't even know what a nervous system was. My nervous system was going so crazy. I was so anxious and so scared because it was getting more into a more violent way, police got involved and um things got broken and bruises were happening, so you know in a bad way, you know, but still in that moment I accepted it. Like crazy to think like that, you know, and like why would you do this? But it happens. Um, and I remembered at one point where I was so stressed that like my nervous system, I was almost having a nervous breakdown, my one side of my eye almost blinded. And that was the moment where my landlord wanted to kick me out because of the police always coming to my house. Okay, and I disappeared, I went down and I was disappearing because it was all too much for me, and my parents were getting really worried. And in that moment, my dad was such a such a hero, you know. He just gave me the space to just be. And he was looking with me for new apartments because I really thought I had to get out of the house, out of the apartment. And he was a real good dad in that moment. He wasn't judging or anything, he was just okay, let's find a solution. Um turned out that we went to a lawyer, I didn't have to leave the apartment. So, but that was really the moment when my dad came that I woke up and be like, okay, I cannot go any longer into this. Like, I need to like take a cut off. So I actually went to the police and um I managed to get a um permission that he was not allowed to come any closer than 50 meters to me.

SPEAKER_02 15:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

So I don't even know that this all had to happen, you know. Um it's part of it's part of a life's journey, right? And but yeah, so in that moment, my dad was was very important for me. And it was also, I think, better that my dad came instead of my mom because she's more emotional, you know, she was just so worried. My dad came, he was the masculine energy I needed, they had a safe space. And from that also, I connected to my to my professor from university. He said, You're not, you're not, you're not uh leaving the university, you're gonna keep doing it. And uh also a male, you know, and that's it, like two healthy males came into my life and like gave me the stabil stability, you know, which was exactly what I needed. Um from that year, that that that was just a nutshell of the relationship that happened, and that was over three years. So, this relationship in general.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

So on and off during three years.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

Has it started from the beginning or after a while?

SPEAKER_01 16:30

Was it after a while? Because like he felt also that like my family and my uh friends are rejecting him, and that made him even more angry because he did love me in some ways, so it was it really felt like us against everyone. And when this happens, we gotta wake up because it's it shouldn't be like that, you know. But love and maybe addiction towards that feeling of like wanting to be wanted was just so strong.

SPEAKER_00 16:57

What was this relationship giving you?

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Yeah, good question. At the end, not much.

The Life Lessons Hidden in Trauma

SPEAKER_01 17:05

I think the only big learning because I always speak about learning and lessons in life, and every relationship I went through, everyone taught me something. This one particular said, like uh taught me too I can connect towards my darkness, but I can also get out of that. And it really showed me self-respect and what I don't want in the future. Big time.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

Yes. Oh, what I also think is you mentioned now a couple times love, but is love a synonym for something else which should fulfill us on on the subconscious uh level. What what what exactly was this on and off uh giving you? Because it can also be hitting dopamine if you come together again. Absolutely, yeah. Can you can you sense what it gave you?

SPEAKER_01 17:59

It's a good question. Like we've thought there was love, but uh yeah, probably like this dopamine and like being a little bit rebellic, or like I don't know, it's it's hard to explain because what I've been just feeling in that moment was really just connected towards I don't know if it makes sense, but like this this darkness, like the shadows that was inside me, you know, and maybe this was even like a little bit addictive, you know, and uh this aiming of this kind of way, but yeah, it's a it's a good question. It's hard to reflect because with 21, you don't know, you don't know nothing again, you know. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 18:37

Can you sit today and self-reflect on yourself? Maybe how you have enabled that relationship?

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Um, yeah, when I look back, it's like who was that girl, you know? I understand that this is part of my my story, you know, and um it's part of who I am, but um it's really hard to look back to that. And it's actually a topic I haven't even touch pointed with my therapist so much, so that I speak with you know openly about it. It's it's it's it's deep inside, you know. Um yeah, so it's it's interesting that this this happened, yeah. How how what would you what would you tell to yourself now if you could everything will be fine, everything is gonna be okay, but in that situation, like like set your set your healthy boundaries when something feels off, listen to intuition. Like your intuition is so strong, and especially if family and friends are involved and they tell you Jill, like they have the best interest in you, you know? Um listen, listen to that and uh yeah, ask for help, I would say. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:57

How how did this experience because this was not your last relationship, obviously? So how did this influence the next and the next and the next probably uh relationships?

Why We Try to Heal Other People

SPEAKER_01 20:15

Well, it only got better, that's a dating thing, it couldn't get worse. Um, but as I mentioned, like every of these relationships had taught me something. My friends would say it's not only about learning something, Jill, it's also like having just a good relationship. But like I do see relationship in general as a mirror and a reflection on your own, on your own issues that you have inside, your own traumas or your own triggers. The next relationship were definitely in a much better way, more healthier way, but still not the right thing. But what I have experienced definitely, and I've been reflecting on it a lot, I have this tendency of I want to heal people. And my brother calls it an addiction for healing. And maybe he's right. So that's something I had to learn of not being like the person to like lift up the guys, you know, and make them better, make them strong. And they always did, they always get better, you know. But in this kind of journey, I always lost myself and I always be like, Oh, I put all my energy now that you are a better life, that you're doing better. But what about what about me? So throughout the relationships, I definitely learned from everybody something which was super important, and it was only getting better. But this need of like healing and helping um had to be reduced a little bit, had to be like looked at. Why do I have this inside of me? Like, um, so now with almost 32, I feel like now I know what I want, and now I don't know. I know I now I know what I don't want anymore, you know, in this relationship. So it has been improved, but with a lot of help also, and uh with therapy and with self-reflection with yoga and parts like that, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

So yoga was a big uh big thing for you. How did you get into it? And how did it help you?

How Yoga Became a Path to Healing

SPEAKER_01 22:02

It actually started after this relationship.

SPEAKER_00 22:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

So my first yoga class, yeah, I tapped into just out of fun with friends. I said, let's let's have a yoga class together. And I went to that and I hated it. It was for me in two ways one of the hardest things. I hated down facing dog. My risk, everything hurt it. I remember exactly the pain. I'm like, no. And also the meaning of you have to stay in stillness and you have to be with yourself in some moments. You know, there's different forms of yogas, of course. Some is very dynamic and you don't have time to think. But then when you go into like a more slow yoga, you're forced. You're forced to sit with your pain or with your pleasure or whatsoever, you know. With yoga, I found my place where I can be vulnerable. Vulnerability has been a big issue of showing, showing outside, you know, like speaking with people about how I feel. I was never really a thing. Yoga is the only place where I cry.

SPEAKER_02 23:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:04

Yeah. And it's been like this over the years. And like we were at the end of Shravasana, like those pillows, and remember the pillows being wet afterwards, you know, because that's the moment I can just feel and just be. And so that was the first touch point to it. Um, so after this more abusive relationship, I needed to find myself, you know, it's it's this eat, pray, and love. You're just like you have your heart broken, something happens, and you have to rebuild, repair yourself. And yoga is just such a beautiful anchor for that. So I tapped into just like doing yoga on a more regular base until um one after another breakup, I was

Leaving Everything Behind to Become a Yoga Teacher

SPEAKER_01 23:40

okay, I want to do my final training, my 500 hours, and I went to Bali. It was a great time. Um, I finished university, all good. And in university, I started. No, I I actually had to choose a topic. I studied communication design and film and photography. And my topic was how does meditation influence children? So already there I had this wish of learning more about it, conducting this yoga and the spirituality and the mindfulness in this time also with children.

SPEAKER_04 24:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

So I wrote my bachelor thesis about it and wrote a children's book about meditation.

unknown 24:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

Yeah. Um, I went to Bali to finalize my training, uh, which was super amazing. It was exactly what I needed. Very hard. It was four weeks of every morning, three hours of practice, five hours of stillness, everything that you think about philosophy, adjustments. Um yeah, it was it was quite hard. It was hard for four weeks. Your body was first your body broke down because it was so much practice, and then you just became a machine, and it just like it got better and better. Me coming back to my real life after being high on life for for almost two months and sitting down and with my parents wanting to uh know what my next steps are with the expectation, thinking like, yeah, now Jill's gonna have a normal job. My I told them I would like to become a yoga teacher. My dad's first intention or my first uh first reaction was no. Again, a man putting something in my way, you know. Like my father, of course, he wants to protect me. And for them, yoga is not a job. Like, what is that? My mom was the person who said, let her try, you know. And in that moment, I already gained it so much more uh confidence throughout these years and uh and knowledge about like what I want, what I don't want, that I um I proved it to myself and to the others. And um, and there was the the start of teaching in Berlin in offices for donation. I got like a euro for a class. So I was like, okay, I'm gonna try it anyways. At the same time, I was having a job in a production company, which was so bad for me because it tried to strengthening, I tried to strengthen my weaknesses of being the most organized person and doing the operation of like a production, and production work is hard. It's a lot of little details later in my life. I realized that's not my strength, you know. Um, so it does two jobs, um, but then um coming, coming, yeah, like just following up more towards the yoga and in myself healing.

SPEAKER_00 26:24

Yeah. Well what was it in yoga which was allowing you to let go? And um, I mean, many have tried yoga, do it as a sport eventually, uh, just to stay improve flexibility and everything around that, uh, muscles. Yeah, what was it for you?

Why Yoga Is More Than Physical Exercise

SPEAKER_01 26:47

Yeah, that's a good point. Um, I'm teaching also, and I see people really just coming for the workout, and that's not what what happened to me. So for me, um, going to Bali and having like also three hours a day where we just meditated and just really, really connected to what we call the source or whatsoever or energy field or whatever you want to call it. And it's not only knowing the knowledge about it, but for me, it's like feeling it. Like it felt like home, you know, like it felt home in my body, in my soul, and my being. It felt like, yeah, I have arrived. But it's all about feeling it. So when I'm having new clients or people who are unsure about yoga, they understand the concept of them, of it, but I asked them, come on the mat and let me teach you. Let me let me help you to experience it. It's about feeling, then it makes sense, you know, like you can know everything, but that's life, right? You can read everything in the books, but then in life itself, you know, and you you feel it.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

So you have to feel it, you have to experience it yourself. Yeah, probably yoga was the first mental health journey, yeah, if we can call it as a part of the mental health journey. What further techniques uh did you come across and helped you through your

Working in Mental Health at THE BALANCE Rehab Clinic

SPEAKER_00 28:08

process?

SPEAKER_01 28:08

So I was blessed to meet you in Mallorca, first of all. Yeah. So my journey was quitting my job in Berlin and being like, okay, I'm out of Berlin. Like Berlin after nine years, done. Experience it, done it all, I'm over it. And for me was always the need to be more nature. I'm a nature kid. Since I'm a little child, I've been walking around the forest and picking up every like um stone, seeing what kind of insects are underneath there. You know, I'm a nature girl. So for me coming to Mallorca to celebrate Christmas 2022 and meeting you after my second week, teaching you and your wife and a befriended um couple, there was actually the breakthrough of getting to know so much more about mental health. Like that was like, there's so much more than I can even imagine because my surroundings has never really been dealing with that. Like, I come from a business family, and uh, my friends they all do business, and it's or you know, it's nothing with mental health and health in general. So meeting you was it was like the door has opened. So thank you for that, Fast. Oh, thank you. Um and then starting to work here at the balance was um the journey within. So I was starting to teach more clients and more clients in in a state of mind which I have not known before, of either extreme eating disorder or physical, not available, like physical, not possible to do any posters, mentally not good. You know, what I've experienced working with probably like 70 to 80 clients, um, also one-on-ones, has been like wow, as a yoga teacher, but also as a human. Um, so getting first touch point with this industry, um what I experienced starting and working in this industry was um self-regulation. Yeah. So, you know, I had like this nervous breakdown years ago. Um, I didn't have a nervous breakdown at the balance or working it, but like just working with clients where I feel like I need to heal them. Again, the topic of like I need to heal them. Like I felt like a little puppy being like, Oh, I can do it by myself. That's not working, you know, especially in those kind of centers, you work as a team. Um, but yeah, so setting setting healthy boundaries in that kind of industry because it's so beautiful seeing how the clients are getting better. But if you are not in balance yourself, it's not working. You can't embody it, what you're giving. Um, so for that reason, I started to reconnect or to connect with all the therapists in the team because they became my friends, and that was such a blessing. It is such a blessing. Like sometimes in a week I wake up and be like, oh, like this thought doesn't get out of my mind, or my body

Somatic Therapy and Releasing Stored Trauma

SPEAKER_01 31:00

hurts here, or like there's topics I want to work with. So I've been working a lot with like psychotherapy, but I have honestly two. I have one spiritual one who's guiding me in my spiritual path, and then I have a psychotherapist with the with the normal, modern kind of kind of way. Um, and then I worked a lot on somatic experience, which has I had no idea about it, you know, because at first you think okay, you're so cut off of your body, and all you do is talking, talking, talking. But knowing and working this industry goes bottom up. So somatic experience has been absolute a wow effect. But it was also that treatment that showed me that healing is very uncomfortable, yeah. Yeah, so I've been working with one therapist from the team, and we touchpoint a topic that was inside of me and my nervous system for so long, and it was the topic of perfect uh perfectionism, like reaching always the best, especially for my dad.

SPEAKER_03 31:59

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

So we touchpointed this. Um, and what happened in that session, I've done a lot of sessions with him before, but what happened in that moment, like I was amazed. I was like, wow, it actually works. Because as we know, somatic, like our body keeps the score. So as a child, when you get screamed at, or you did something wrong, or I dropped the glass on the floor, anything like small little things. Um, your nervous system always goes into like either fight, flight, or freeze. And as a child, you can't fight, you can't run, you gotta freeze. So at one hand, your nervous system is flux, uh, your nervous system is frozen, but your artery lean is high. So this stays inside your body. And on that day, um, we touched point, and I just said a sentence, you know, and I start to start feeling like I'm fading. And uh the therapist came, Petrus name, he came and he comforted me, and uh he put his hands onto my feet to feel like you're in this room, and this it was such an amazing experience because on one hand you're here in the here now, yeah, but on the other hand, you're like somewhere else, you know, and you try to stay and feel what's happening in the nervous system. I started almost to fade, I sweated out, and then I had to run onto the bathroom because I had to vomit. So my body was finally ready to release this in this nervous system. And after I came out of this, I what just happened? Because it was so powerful, and I really felt like wow, it was so uncomfortable. So healing is not comfortable, you know, and there's like softer healing paths, and then there's very uncomfortable healing paths, but somatic has been very important for me.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

Yeah, so you had to go through it to find to find a way on the other side, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:42

And this is not a problem anymore. Like now, if he has the expectation, like I don't really care.

SPEAKER_00 33:48

Like, okay, yeah. So you learned to put these boundaries, yes, but that's that's quite often the case that parents out of love, out of their need to protect their children, want the best for them, yeah. Um yeah, that they overstep their uh autonomy, probably, yeah, and and don't repair it in the right way. So, how would you from your today's understanding what would you suggest parents to interact, how to interact with their children, you know, in terms of correcting and and blaming?

Healing Family Relationships Through Honest Conversations

SPEAKER_01 34:26

Yeah, yeah. So we've done a lot of work in my family over the years, uh, which was needed because it was it could have been both ways. We could have split it as a family, or we're getting stronger as a family, and we were on this path. And um, me and my brother have a very close relationship, and we want this to work. We want to have our family together because my parents are wonderful people, you know. We just all carry our pain inside, and some people know how to deal with it, some people not. So I um coordinated a family therapy where we all were together. It was online, it was good because everybody was in a safe home, you know. What our what my family never learned is to let somebody speak and listen, and not listen out of your own, but listen to what they have to say, you know, even if I said I didn't feel like you treated me correctly there, they would say, No, it's not true. You know, just being like, okay, open to like, like, open to it. So I feel like if we just sit together, no screaming, no like running over each other's words, but just sitting and trying with an open heart to listen to what they have to say, it would be amazing. And I've heard here on the podcast a lot also just having family dinner together, you know, and just spending this time together. Luckily, I did have a lot of dinners with the family together, but I feel now we can sit together and now we're actually on a stage in our life where we can sit together and I can share with them if something in my life doesn't go well. Before that, I couldn't. So it's like creating this safe space for for you. Because at the end, when you're around your parents, you do turn into that little child sometimes, you know. And also seeing like you can be that little child, but also you are not just a child anymore, you're not just a daughter. It's more like I I am I'm a teacher, I'm I'm I'm I'm a friend, I'm gonna be a mother, I'm more than just a daughter, you know. Yeah, and I think we need to like understand that about ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 36:20

Absolutely, and and I also believe you know, expectations that they don't just come from the parent's side, they can be explicit. Yes, these are the expectations on you, but they can be also very implicit. Let's say if if a if a father is a businessman, is a well-spoken and outgoing and so on, the the child could could just observe that and want that or put the pressure on themselves. So that's also the tricky part for parents to realize these patterns within the child and work work with it.

Why Children Need Emotionally Available Parents

SPEAKER_00 37:01

And I think as parents, this is what I learned in our home being also a father, is just to show vulnerability, yeah. Uh so to to address also the um the explicit part, yeah. Um, because our children shouldn't grow up from social media, everything is perfect, everything is shiny. Yes, it's just yeah, we are all human, we yeah, we all struggle. I try to speak about feelings. Was it a good day? Was it a bad day, or good uh how is it, but also try to see the positive things, gratitude, bring in some humor into the day. Yes, I think children need this variety of um or to see this variety within their parents to develop a healthy expectations uh for themselves.

SPEAKER_01 37:59

I love that, but how scary is it to show vulnerability? Yeah, like even like of course, you think in your family you're in a safe spot or your friends, but like like I've been dealing so many years of like this fear of showing that you're vulnerable, like admitting you are not okay. Yeah, it's like this oh this inside fear that comes up, you know, and uh so I think it's so brave and amazing when we start being like in how you said nowadays everything is so has to be perfect because the outside looks perfect. So I think it's a big, big topic vulnerability, yeah, sensitivity, empathy, authenticity nowadays.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

Yeah, authenticity, it's difficult because if you think about parents, when when when you were three, yeah, they were expecting you, yeah, you're fine, you're not affected by the situation. But if you would have been six or seven, they would have spoken to you. So every age group has a different interaction pattern, yeah. But parents need to develop also and adjust to this uh aging group, age groups as well. Um, it's it's not it's not easy, but um it's needed to raise um children with healthy boundaries and healthy uh attachments and healthy um uh expectations.

SPEAKER_01 39:24

Yeah. No, I'm planning to be a mom myself. So this is definitely that's why I want to do this work now, also, you know, because I know my mom or like a lot of people that got their children so early, they didn't that didn't have really time to go on their journey before. They just became mom so quickly, and all their life was just making the best out of it, and they are doing the best out of it, you know, as much as they can. And I see that and it's beautiful. But for me, it was like I want to do some work before I'm gonna raise children, you know. I'm not gonna be perfect, not at all, but like at least I overcame some of the issues that I've been dealing with before becoming a mother, yes, and uh yeah, let's see how that's gonna go.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

You have been work been working now for many years with the mental health field for the balance uh with so many clients. What has been the most difficult situations you have gone through for yourself? And and then also what has been the best transformation, please?

SPEAKER_01 40:27

And myself or with the clients?

SPEAKER_00 40:30

Both probably.

The Challenges and Rewards of Helping Others Heal

SPEAKER_01 40:31

Yeah. I think in working in this field, um, I said at the beginning, like setting healthy boundaries for my own well-being. Um, we need to be in balance to be uh able to share balance. Uh I always say to our clients, um, it takes a full-time job to stay in balance and to be stay sane, you know, like you wake up in the morning and you decide that you're gonna be a sane person, you know, but it goes, it doesn't go straight, it goes in in waves. Challenging times maybe been when I was teaching yoga, and with yoga you open up doors. And with some clients, you have to be gentle and careful. And I probably with one client the door opened up a little bit too fast, and she felt too much. And um and she shared with me after the class crying that she wants to kill herself. How do I deal with that? You know, it's heavy, yeah. And I think I reacted quite well. I created a space with her and I comfort her. Um, but these moments is it's real, you know. Like you you work with clients that need so much attention and and also like understanding, but boundaries as well. So for me, really like setting these boundaries has been has been a very big, big topic working with them. And knowing also you can only give what you can give, you know, you don't have to do more than that. Like you give what you have in this moment, and it's not only with working in this industry, but also what I'm working in my classes, in my yoga classes, private or in groups, is like I give you how much I can give you today. I don't overdo it anymore. Like, if I'm low, it's gonna be a very relaxed class. If I'm energized, we're gonna be we're gonna have fun, you know. So, like being authentic to yourself, I think that's super important. What has been the most beautiful part in that industry has been a transformation of the clients. As client relation, I see the clients from the first day that they arrive until the last day that they leave. And with every single client, something has shifted. And uh, like we hear that the the sentences that we change their lives. It was it's just it's just magical, like it's goosebumping. Like, um, and we see from a client who couldn't walk to now walk easily to getting clearer in their mind, clearer in their eyes. I see it always with the eyes, you know, when they come, and it's not only addiction, it's also burnout, it's eating disorder. The eyes are just milky, it's like they're not there anymore. And I feel like we're in this time of life where we have to increase our consciousness, and that means also being clear again. So, um, seeing the eyes, seeing the soul, I think it's that's why we're doing that, right?

SPEAKER_00 43:08

Like, yeah, beautiful. Yeah, yeah. I I I also think you know it's kind of this uh fog or new has been lifted, and you just see the world differently. That's kind of the colours, how they explain it, right? Yeah, that's beautiful, and that's a purpose. Do you feel that it is a purpose?

SPEAKER_01 43:28

Like for me, I always needed to work on something that is purposeful, like also like I couldn't stand behind something I don't hundred percent believe in, you know. So um it needs to be. I feel like I'm also with this yoga path and with this conscious path and spirituality. We're here to serve other people. Yes, that's what fulfills me. You know, when I'm done with client relations, but also when I'm done teaching, I get a shoop of energy.

SPEAKER_03 43:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 43:53

That's feeding me, you know, that's that's my fuel. And I think everybody who found something where you can help other people. Or surf for a little bit, it's the fuel of life.

SPEAKER_00 44:03

How important do you think is compassion here in this in this in the space of mental health?

SPEAKER_01 44:09

Yeah. Compassion um is massive, important. So also in the team that I'm working in, we're recruiting wonderful women who have this empathy and the compassion within themselves. You are you're here to create that space for the clients and also the understanding of it. So compassion number one, I really would say that. And also, yeah, but I mentioned that we know we can't help everyone, but the ones who are willing to get the help to feel safe. So safety, yeah, compassion and safety, I think, in this industry and the connection between each other is the most important. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:50

What's your next passion in life?

Jil's Mission to Help Children Build Emotional Resilience

SPEAKER_01 44:52

Yeah. So I always had a sole purpose of helping younger, youngers, young, young kids and teenagers. Um, starting by got a two years ago a training into a teenager children yoga teacher. Having my first client was four years old, together with her brother. And these classes are just amazing because we're just going through a complete fantasy world, and it really awakes my inner child again. My passion and my vision is to create a method, how to help kids to stay more present and more connected with themselves, with each other, with nature, you know, with the with the industry of social media, of internet, of disconnection. I know I hear that also in this chair a lot. The next generation is so important, but it is so important. So for me, I've created some workshop for kids right now in Mallorca, but I would like to empower more people, more kids in this kind of way. One beautiful example, I've done a really nice workshop together with my best friends. One is a talent coach, she helps empower the kids through the talents. My other friend, she's a crazy beautiful artist, so abstract painting, and me as a yoga teacher and the guardians. Um, we created this beautiful workshop. We're gonna do some retreats for teenagers as well. And the end of it, we went around for like a feedback round. Um, one girl said, you know, in school, everybody tried to tell us what to do better.

SPEAKER_00 46:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 46:17

Today I felt enough. And I was like, oof, yeah, it's like, yes, you know, it's not always improving, it's just now you are perfect the way you are. And yeah, so this is something that I need to, I want to uh work more deeper.

SPEAKER_00 46:32

Yeah, yeah, that's so beautiful. And you tap into a topic which affects so many young, young kids uh these days. And um, I see it also with my children, you know, schools, whether they try to be supportive or not, it's it is an expectation on them. And also it's probably about the school systems we are in and and and the way and you have to go to through a curriculum and uh and being tested, and you have to perform, and then you compare yourself. Uh it's it's tough growing up, uh children. So offering something like you you just mentioned, just for them to be not judged, and just to connect with themselves and feel. I think that's so important.

SPEAKER_01 47:18

It's important. Go, let's hug a tree together, you know. Let's let's go back out there, you know. And I think it's a lot of work to do, uh, starting small, small steps, increasing. Um, but it's it's such an important importance here. If not, we're gonna go all becoming machines and robots, and I'm not allowing that. Also, with like in my yoga, like I tell the people coming to me, you don't just do this for yourself, you're uplifting your frequency, your light, because you're doing it for everyone around you. Yes, in the world right now, it's almost a shadow against light wall. We need to lift the light. That's our job. That's that's why we're here. So I'm not giving up on that.

SPEAKER_00 47:58

You shouldn't know. Beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 48:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:02

What do you do in your private life to stay in balance? I know you mentioned um connecting with team members, getting treatment to work on yourself, which is beautiful to realize that and utilize that uh by itself. Except yoga,

Daily Habits for Better Mental Health and Balance

SPEAKER_00 48:22

what do you do?

SPEAKER_01 48:23

Yeah, good that you summarized it again because I want to mention that it's important not to over therapy yourself, over analyze yourself. It's all in balance. That's why the word is so good. Um, so how I keep myself in balance, I'm blessed that I moved to Mallorca because Mallorca is still, in my eyes, a safe space, a very authentic place, a very natural place. So for me, I got a little dog Lou, a little puppy. She opened my heart like nobody else ever. I spend a lot of time with her because she deserves to have a good life. So we have a good balanced life. We go for hikes, I go swimming with my friends a lot. Water, more one of the most cleaning and yeah, amazing uh elements we have on this earth. Um, I dance, I have fun. Um, my work life balance is balanced. So it's really important that we have the balance of it. I said not so often balance, but it's how it is. Um not taking things always too too too serious, um and enjoying the simple things, really. Yeah, like just sitting there watching a butterfly. I'm still amazed by butterflies, you know, like or a dragonfly, my alum. Like it's it's just simplicity, I think, is really important to keep your balance and having fun, playfulness, yeah, staying young in your soul, not lose that, not lose that, no, yeah, and get connected to it again and again and again. And you lose it, you know. As I said, it's not linear, it's you lose it, you come back, you lose it, you come back, you know. It's never-ending story.

SPEAKER_00 49:59

Should everyone get a puppy?

Why Animals Can Be Powerful for Emotional Healing

SPEAKER_01 50:01

Yes, absolutely. An animal in your life is the most blessing thing that we can have. Yes, it's unconditional love, something that I've been driving for for so long, and she's just she's amazing. Yeah, she's pure, yeah. She's a pure, and our clients love her, and she's pure.

SPEAKER_00 50:18

Yes, I know when she's when we are in the office and uh she comes and says hello to everyone. She's a good soul.

SPEAKER_01 50:25

Yeah, she's accepted as the therapy dog of the balance. I kind of made her as, but there's no other choice.

Final Reflections on Healing, Purpose & Living in Balance

SPEAKER_00 50:31

Jill, thank you. Thank you. Um not just for today, but also really for uh for everything in the last five years, the energy, the positivity you bring into life of the team, um, but uh certainly with the with the clients uh you you bring in. I I appreciate you as a human, as a person, as a team member. Um thank you for sharing today also showing vulnerability to to everyone out there, and hopefully um someone who is listening can can touch into to the light.

SPEAKER_01 51:09

Yeah, thank you so much for my letting me grow so much in the past years. Thank you, Abdullah.

SPEAKER_00 51:15

Thank you.