Alexa, Grow My Business by The Friday Society
Welcome to Alexa, Grow My Business - a Friday Society Podcast. This is the podcast for anyone and everyone in the health & fitness industry or with a small business looking for a real, tangible approach to growth. In this podcast, we'll talk to industry leaders and experts about everything you need to know to scale and authentically grow your health & wellness brand. We'll hear from operational experts, email marketing gurus, accountants, and more to get you set up for success. You can always submit questions and topic requests via @alexagrowmybusiness on Instagram, and I hope you enjoy!
Alexa, Grow My Business by The Friday Society
11. Trauma Anniversaries, Knowing You're Not Alone, and the Menu of Meditation
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In today’s episode, we have Ceasar F. Barajas on The Friday Society, and it’s a really special one. Ceasar is an old friend, we met at lululemon about seven years ago, and we get into this but he was actually a professional dancer and actor at the time, and has gone on to star in Hollywood productions, become an adjunct professor at Columbia, and most recently launched The Journey by Ceasar, where he helps people with their meditation practice.
I do want to mention that this episode is particularly special because it’s going live on the one year anniversary of COVID-19 becoming declared a pandemic. Ceasar, as most of us have as well, has lost loved ones this past year and I want to honor that, and their memory.
With that said, I want to issue a trigger warning for this episode. Ceasar is a veteran, so we talk a lot about PTSD and it’s effects, sexual abuse, big and little T trauma, and loss during 2020.
I hope if you’re going through a hard time, this episode helps you in knowing you’re not alone, and I am here and Ceasar is here to listen and talk with you.
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Everyone nowadays thinks yoga and meditation, and it's literally like, all right, it's a bunch of girls in their Lululemon pants and they're going to class, and it's like, no, straight male. I am a heterosexual, cisgender identifying male who is a professional balleria, a military veteran, have shot guns, been shot at, been locked up. So let me tell you right now, my friends, meditation and yoga is accessible to anyone.
SPEAKER_02Hi guys, welcome to the Friday Society. I'm your host, Alexa Cawley. This is your one-stop shop for everything you need to know as a fitness professional, whether you are an instructor, studio owner, health coach, or anything else in this realm. We'll talk to industry leaders, operational experts, lawyers, accountants, anyone and everyone that you need to hear from to elevate your business. I hope you enjoy. You can find me at Forever Friday Consulting on Instagram and submit any topic requests through there. Let's get started. Hey everyone. Thank you for joining me today. Before we get into the episode, I wanted to quickly let you know that I created a new workbook for everyone listening to turn their first-time clients into lifetime paying customers. And I'm so excited about it. I did want to let you all know first before I publish it or send it out to the email list. So for all of my instructors, health coaches, studio owners, you can download it at the Friday Society Podcast.com slash workbook, but the link will also be in the show notes. I go over some hacks that I learned at SoulCycle to help facilitate the relationship of a first-time client from class number one to class number six, which was something that we learned was the pivotal moment for a client to shift into becoming a lifetime client. So make sure to download the workbook and let me know what you think and if it helps your business. Okay, moving on. In today's episode, we have Cesar F. Barajas on the Friday Society, and it's a really special one. Caesar is an old friend. We met at Lululemon about seven years ago, and we get into this, but he is actually a professional dancer and actor. He's gone on to star in Hollywood productions. He's an adjunct professor at Columbia, and he most recently launched The Journey by Caesar, where he helps people with their meditation practice. I do want to mention that this episode is particularly special because it's going live on the one-year anniversary of COVID-19 becoming declared a pandemic. Caesar, as most of us have, has lost loved ones this year. And I want to honor that, and I want to honor their memory. With that said, I do want to issue a trigger warning for this episode. Caesar is a veteran, so we talk a lot about PTSD and its effects. We talk about sexual abuse and big and little T trauma and the loss that we've experienced during 2020. I hope that if you're going through a hard time, this episode helps you in knowing that you're not alone. I'm here, Caesar's here, we're all here to listen and to talk with you. With that said, let's get into the episode. Hi everyone. I'm here today with Cesar F. Barajas. And honestly, Caesar, I don't even know how to describe you.
SPEAKER_01Caesar is a phenomenal meditation instructor, Hollywood actor, vet, New Yorker, Texan, and someone I have been friends with for a really long time now. So hi Caesar, welcome.
SPEAKER_00Alexa, I am so honored and happy and humbled to be here. I often tell people that I'm just a multi-hyphenite person. So maybe that's a better way to describe it.
SPEAKER_02I love that. So your story is really inspiring to me. You don't typically find many vets that have forayed into being amazing meditation instructors. We'll get there, but do you want to give our listeners sort of just a background of who you are and how you came to be this multi-hyphenite person?
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh. The 32nd elevator pitch is I found myself in a lot of different situations growing up. I'm from Texas, grew up all over the Southwest, but it was just me, mom, dad, and my brother. But my past is littered with traumas. And so first and foremost, I like to give a mighty thank you to the higher being for just letting me survive because it was because of those traumas and what I did to learn from them, what I did to survive them, what I did to look back on all the mistakes I made and shift. And that led me into various worlds. I've been and still am a professional dancer. I am a military veteran. So I've done everything from work with J Lo, Chris Brown, Broadway Regional Shows to seven years in the United States Navy, to then touring the world as a choreographer, as a performer, to the television, to film, and found yoga as a way to rehab a dance injury, and then found the benefits of meditation once I connected with an organization called the Veterans Yoga Project. So a lot of this really is right time, right place, good people connections, people like Alexa Cauley, who I met years ago, who then is asking me to be a guest on her show now. So it there's a variety. And there's like a 30-second pitch and then there's the four-hour conversation. But that's in a nutshell, like just different worlds, different aspects of living and being open to trying things. And I found myself here. And now officially an international wellness mentor and advocate. So I'm an adjunct professor at Columbia University. You know, you can see it in the bio. Like I teach for a variety of apps, but meditation and teaching, whether it was teaching dance or teaching fitness or teaching yoga, teaching meditation, I'm a teacher at heart. And so that's what I figured out over the course of the last 10 years.
SPEAKER_02I didn't know that you had found yoga through a dance injury. I never, I never knew that about it.
SPEAKER_0020 plus years ago, uh, I tore two discs in my back. I was on tour and all of a sudden couldn't wash my knees in the shower and panicked. And one doctor was like, Well, we can try to do surgery. Another doctor was like, let's just strengthen his core. And so the PT and the doc were were put me on this very strict Yogan Pilates rehab. And so that's how I found Yoga Pilates. Wow. Save, save my life, save my career. Still dancing, still moving. Yeah, feel great.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. That I mean, that had to have been, I feel like yoga at that time. I feel like now maybe that might be something that a doctor would say, but maybe at that time it probably felt a little, a little like very alternative.
SPEAKER_00And and and I grew up an athlete. Like I grew up playing baseball, basketball, soccer. And so I played college baseball. So here I am on tour and dancing professionally. And the adage societally in all athletics, you know, no matter your gender, was all right, let's let's play through the pain. Let's suck it up. Pain is weakness leaving the body. And that's horrible. But this is 2001, 2002. So really yoga was, you know, because yoga is a thousands of years old practice. But really, for that doctor, like you said, I agree with you wholeheartedly for that doctor and that physical therapist to say, hey, let's do this for six weeks before we do anything else. And in those six weeks, I was saved, strengthened. It kept, I kept my job. They didn't send me home, they didn't fire me. And from the the physical benefits of yoga, I got stronger, but didn't realize what it was doing for me mentally. And then it's over the course of the years of connecting the physiological dots. Oh, there's limbs of yoga, there's a pranayama. Oh, the movement is just one aspect. Oh, I it's been fun learning about all of that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I feel like everyone who is consistent enough with their yoga practice in the beginning, like that moment of your eyes opening and being like, oh, there's more to this than just stretching, is it's just really an amazing moment. So I love what you're talking about with um, you know, so okay, so for context, I remember when I was in high school and the army came to my school and we handed out they handed out these t-shirts. And I still have this t-shirt, I still sleep in it.
SPEAKER_01And it says, um, sweat is your fat crying, you know, like it's like that mentality of like that's what you have to do.
SPEAKER_02So I mean, talk me through being a vet and also getting involved with Veterans Yoga Project and using yoga as a means to, you know, sort of deal with like that stress, right? Like that I imagine there's sure TSD is rampant. Like, talk to me a little bit about how yoga has informed you being a conscious veteran.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. In I'm trying to figure out the best way to shape this conversation because it can go a myriad of ways. So, briefly, in high school, my very first professional performing gig was for a theme park. So, my after-school job in high school, ages 15 to 18, was working for Six Flags theme park in Houston, Astworld. I could learn choreography. I didn't know. I wasn't a technically trained dancer, but I could sing, and they were like, oh, you can pick up choreos. And next thing you know, I'm doing costume character shows, I'm doing live shows, I'm singing and dancing. Best time. Just had a blast. My sole purpose going in the military was for education. So I said, I'm going into the military so that I could pay for college. We couldn't afford it. So that was the sole purpose. So I get to college, I'm on the ROTC scholarship, I'm doing everything. I'm playing college baseball. I pledged Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, and my brothers include Martin Luther King, Dr. Martin Luther King, Theragood Marshall. So I'm I'm part of a prominent group of young men. I'm part of the student government. So I just did everything because I got to college later. I did four years of active duty. So by the time I got to college, I had already done quite a bit of partying. And it didn't mean that the partying stopped. It just meant that like I had a focus. Like here I was at 24 years old, knew what I needed to do, had zero intention of continuing to perform. As a hobby and a PE credit in college, I started dancing for the company. So now I started getting technically trained. All the while I'm still maintaining biology pre-med because my intention is to go to med school. So here's what happened: 1999, 2000, the Iraqi conflict that many of us that you probably grew up on, and during freedom, Operation Freedom was just beginning. So I was told we're not going to commission you as an officer to go to medical school. We're going to put you on a ship and you we're going to the war. And I was like, no, thank you. That's not anywhere near what I wanted to do, no ideals. I get out of the Navy after spending a year in nursing school. I don't know if you ever knew this. I spent one year in nursing school and was miserable. So my heart to this day goes out to every single healthcare worker ever, but especially now, pandemic-wise, I have dozens of friends who are doctors, PAs, nurses, LVNs, who are all just, you know, in the midst of what we're dealing with now. So I get out, I end up going to grad school for performing. So all of that time is how it shifted me into a dance career professionally, and that's how I got injured when I was on tour. So then the yoga as a veteran was part of my rehab. It didn't connect the dots until 2015. Here I am in New York City. I'm at a wanderlust yoga festival and I run across a young lady named Deborah Jeanette. Deborah Jeanette is our national board president for the Veterans Yoga Project. What is the Veterans Yoga Project? I'm a veteran. And she says to me, Oh, it's an organization that treats and caters to veterans, spouses, their communities, but their basis is on mindful resilience for trauma recovery and compassion fatigue. And I think, what are those fancy words? Because at that point, I was already on my therapy journey and had just learned a few years back that I was officially diagnosed with anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress. Wait, so yoga can help my anxiety? Well, it already has in certain ways. Again, I didn't connect the dots until 2015. So in 2015, I became a teacher for the Veterans Yoga Project and then subsequently became a master teacher. So now what I teach is coming from a trauma-informed background in regards to anyone, not just veterans, but anyone really who feels anxious, depressed, because a lot of people don't realize post-traumatic stress is the body's normal reaction to a situation. So here's what I'm going to ask you to do, and all of our listeners let us take time to really think, but step away from calling it post-traumatic stress disorder. It's not a disorder. Disorder indicates disease. Disease indicates there's something wrong with you. That's a negative connotation. It's post-traumatic stress. You get to a stop sign and that car almost hits you, that you have post-traumatic stress. And then the body's capability allows you to come back into a tolerable place. But what happens with most people who suffer from post-traumatic stress, and I'm raising my hand, is we stay in that hyper-vigilant state. We stay in that place where we're hyper-aroused. And so the idea is to use the breath to come back. So a lot of all of that didn't come into play for me until the last six years. So the Veterans Yoga Project, what I do as an adjunct professor at Columbia University, because I teach for the Summer Principles Academy, is letting people know that it's okay to not be okay. But what we're going to do is arm you with tools that allow you to pause. That's mindfulness, allow you to take a deep breath, sit for a second, that's meditation. Everyone nowadays thinks yoga and meditation, and it's literally like, all right, it's a bunch of girls in their Lululemon pants and they're going to class. And it's like, no, straight male. I am a heterosexual, cisgender identifying male who is a professional balleria, a military veteran, have shot guns, been shot at, been locked up. So let me tell you right now, my friends, meditation and yoga is accessible to anyone. And so that's where my niche, that's the stick that I come from, is coming back to let people know that it's accessible to anyone anywhere at any time.
SPEAKER_02Wow, that's so amazing. Have you experienced in 2020? So let me let me rephrase this. I feel like, and I also I didn't even know that about you. That would happen to you in 2015. I mean, we met probably in 2015.
SPEAKER_00Like we we met in 2014 because that's when I started working. So Alexa and I have connections to Lulule. So that's yeah, it was 2014. Because I used to come and visit Michelle Stuckey and I got hired as a seasonal in the fall of 2014.
SPEAKER_02That's so funny.
SPEAKER_00I know I keep saying I gotta get to get Chip Wilson in here.
SPEAKER_02I just oh I love that. That would be amazing. So amazing. So okay, I feel like over the last four or five years, things were going in a direction for most people that were just generally an upward trend. Like people in our in our generation, in you know, many generations, where we had we were very far removed from any intense kind of stress or trauma as a collective. And I do think all of a sudden, right, we got hit with this pandemic and with unemployment, and there's a lot going on. Have you seen, you know, like a crazy uptick in PTSD coming back out and post-traumatic stress coming back out in people that sort of felt they were in the clear?
SPEAKER_00Uh I'd love to thank you for asking that. I'd love to actually challenge you. We didn't exist prior to 2020 in a world where trauma, anxiety, depression, psychosomatic symptoms, post-traumatic stress didn't exist. What we are just now seeing going into 2021 is more people talking about it. So let us please realize that post-traumatic stress as a disorder, according to the DSM, was only within the last 20 years officially named. So let us go back to Vietnam vet, World War II, World War I. Let's think about every single military conflict in which our veterans came home and we treated them like ish. And we didn't know. We we didn't know. Now let's take every single human being, every single capital T trauma victim, every little T trauma victim. Everyone is affected. So we're talking those that are domestic abuse victims, sexual abuse victims. There is no separation. Trauma doesn't care who you are. So there wasn't an uptick. It was already there. What has happened is 2020 exacerbated the problem because now you had people who had outlets. I myself, I'm going to speak for the me because I can't speak for the general public. I've been in therapy now 11 years. As with everything that is some sort of issue, you have ups and downs. I like to share with people that I found my emotional sobriety in 2010. It's the first time I ever visited a therapist, and that's that therapist, Steve, wherever you are, my friend, I love you. LA, Los Angeles, California, taught me what mantras were Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, affirmations. He was the first person that introduced meditation formally, but I never really stuck to it. So the idea, though, is that we are in a position where we went, we had outlets. We could go and teach. I had classes, I could visit my friends, we could go and hang out in the park. We could all let's go to so-and-so's house. Let's go to the movies. Hey, I'm gonna go as a Broadway actor, I'm gonna go see my friends and shows. You take away everything that people needed in order to come off of that hyper-aroused, hyper-vigilant state of mind. And now you're left with those self-sabotaging thoughts, those demons screaming in your ear. You've got the monkey mind, and you're not really sure how to handle it. So 2020 took all of that and just made it worse. And so part of where my job is now is to teach people, I say more of a guide. I don't really call myself a teacher. I'm a guide. I'm like, I'm your meditation waiter. Let me give you this menu. You get to choose whatever you want from it. But I stray away from trying to force people to breathe. It boggles my mind to come into a meditation class or be led and be told, close your eyes, find relaxation. No, because sometimes I show up to meditation and I am stressed as F. And you know what? I want to be in it because that's how I'm gonna learn how to deal with it. I don't want to suppress it. Suppression leads to depression. I want to sit in it. And meditation allows me to sit in it, realize where in my body I'm feeling it, and then I can respond to it and then I can act accordingly. That's a lot to say. But it and because 2020, of course, you know, is is been horrible for me personally, but it's been horrible for many people. And so a lot of us need to realize, I would like to invite people to realize that they're not alone. Everyone, everyone has been affected. I don't care if you're black, white, brown, what you identify, socioeconomic status, like everybody.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I mean, the the isolation aspect of it is it's just it's really tough. And I do say, and I'm sort of like an annoying, I need to look on the bright side in a lot of things, otherwise I get a you know, just go down a bad path. But I do think we are very lucky in that this happened in 2020 when we have Zoom and we have our things, you know, like I'm I'm looking at your face right now. And if this had happened 10 years before, you know, maybe we had Skype, but it wasn't great. You know, so I think there are there are little things that hopefully as this becomes more normal, maybe I don't know, we can start to rely on that. Like I'm seeing your face right now, and like hopefully, you know, for just today, while things are still sort of in lockdown, like that's enough for me today, is that I get to connect with a friend I haven't seen in, you know, six three years. So yeah, and globally, like we get a chance.
SPEAKER_00I I sit, I sit twice a week in a men's support group, and you know, we've got fellas that come together from everywhere Spain, Ireland, Israel, Mexico, Canada, all over the US, Korea. It's incredible. And we we we often reflect on that. Like, here's a highlight. If we focus on the bad, if we wallow in the sorrow for too long, we, like you said, end up maybe being stuck there. But like a highlight is I'm now more tech savvy than I ever have been in my life. I didn't know what microphones and additions, and now I have a ring light, and but I'm able through Zoom and Google Hangout, and I FaceTime my parents every day. They they learned their iPhone and they're in their 70s. So yes, there are there are some highlights in connecting in in the for now normal. I don't call it the normal. This isn't normal for now. This is where we are.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And that's, I mean, what a cool thing that you can see the faces of people in so many different countries. Like I just I don't know. I'm having a thought of like how cool will that be in a few years for people to sort of recognize that the problems are worldwide the same. You know, like hopefully that'll invite in some sort of I don't know the word I'm looking for, but just like, you know, non-discriminatory behavior, hopefully.
SPEAKER_00I'm I'm hoping that it increases everyone's levels of compassion and warmth. And let's speak to inclusivity. It's it's just everyone, everyone is welcome.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00And you know, and here we are, and especially in the US in the midst of the racial strife, which has existed since the beginning. Like this isn't something that just came about, but it's it's that. It's can we be in a place to lead with kindness and courtesy? And I think that we're finding more of that, depending on where you are in the country. Let's just let me, I don't want to get political with this, but depending on where you are in the country, I know we us here as New Yorkers, it's like, okay, there's a little more patience. There's a little bit more of a, all right, an understanding that the train, if it's full, we're all gonna be mindful of each other's space. So there's a little bit more of that. But I hear horror stories in other places. And so that's it's just mind-boggling.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I know. There are so many times that I'm just like, you know, look, uh, we're I'm looking out my window and it's a really gray day and it's cold and it's gonna snow on Thursday and Friday, and it is what it is, and that that doesn't make me super happy, but I do think New Yorkers know how to take care of each other, and we do know a level of compassion that I think that I personally have never seen anywhere else. And it is, it's just so special. Like I really like everything you're saying with the subway. Like every single time I've ever seen something baffling on the streets, or if there's somebody who needs help, or somebody who might not be fully with it and just needs some guidance, or I've always seen people take care of each other. And I do think that's just it just makes you stay here despite all the snow and despite all the gray side.
SPEAKER_00And that's it's it's New York, and there's it's a different energy because I lived in LA for seven years before moving to New York, and everyone always asks me what where I enjoyed more. And I was like, they they're just completely different bees. It's not even apples to oranges, it's apples and raccoons. They're not even in the same category. But what I would love to implore all of our listeners to ingest is that what Alexa and I are speaking to is this sort of camaraderie as New Yorkers, but that's what's lacking as a country. We can't get our stuff together to collectively advance us so that we can find a way to come out of this for now normal. And that's the problem. And that's a huge problem. And how do we fix it? Well, a new presidential administration is not going to do that just by snapping their fingers. It takes work. And so I just, I, I am, I'm not even gonna ask anymore. I'm begging and I'm pleading everyone who's within the sound of my voice to just take a second, take a deep breath, and just realize we have no clue what anyone else is going through. We have zero idea how they've been affected. And so just maybe that'll increase a little bit of patience and kindness and courtesy and compassion and love, you know. And it sounds very hippie ish, and I love that, but it's it's what is missing. It honestly is what is missing. We do not have enough people pausing, reflecting, because we live in a me, me, me, me, me society. We that's how we were raised. We were a system that taught us rewards and punishments rather than, hey, you made a mistake. Guess what? Making a mistake is human. Making a mistake is part of your genetic predisposition. You're supposed to make mistakes. That's how we learn, that's how we've advanced through evolution. No, in our current society and over the course of the last 20 or 30 years, you make a mistake. You're ridiculed and outcasted and shamed. And guess what? In that same line of thought, if you had any kind of mental health issue, oh my gosh, you're you're anxious and depressed. What is wrong with you? Buck up, smile, automatically outcast it. And so part of what I want to do is let people know that this emotional incarceration that we're sitting in doesn't have to be so. And so find the resources, utilize support groups, meditate with whoever resonates with you. Because there are teachers that I love and there are teachers where I'm like, eh, I'm all right. But just know that the help is out there, please.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So let's go back a little bit. You said that when you first started therapy, your therapist, Steve, gave you certain tools to try. And at that point, meditation didn't really stick with you. Where along the line did you start to realize meditation was actually a channel that worked for you?
SPEAKER_00Um, I will happily share because I'm as open as I am, because I know that there are people out there that have reflected back and been like, oh man, that's me. So I was post-divorce in 2010, miserable, like just miserable. And I realized I needed, I realized I needed help. So I reached out. And at the time I was working for Trader Joe's, because that was my that was my waitressing gig when I was in LA. And I loved it. I love Trader Joe's. Shout out to Trader Joe's. I have friends from Trader Joe's to this day, dear friends. And so I called to their employee assistance program and their employee assistance program. By chance, I happened to speak to someone on the phone who was also a Marine Corps veteran. So once I mentioned veteran, that connected, and she was just like, listen, we're gonna get you set up. Let's get you taken care of. With Steve, I learned mantras. So to this day, I wake up every day and I say, I am courageous, strength, wisdom, patience, guidance, direction, grace, humility, humor, self-love, self-compassion. You know, I run through this list of mantras, part of my practice every day. 10 plus years, meditation, sitting in stillness didn't work for me. It wasn't until, and let's be mindful, within the last 10 years, I've moved and I changed therapists, so I was able to find different modalities of therapy. So this is why I'm a huge advocate for seeking counseling or therapy or just talking. So group support. I also am part of 12 steps. I've been through recovery steps twice through an organization called Emotions Anonymous. So the very same people that set up the Alcoholics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous. So I have been, like I said, sober, but with any kind of sobriety, you move up, you move down, found support groups, found EMDR, found cognitive behavioral therapy, again, all throughout the years, and every single thing was just allowing me to grow a little bit stronger, a little bit stronger, a little bit stronger, all the while falling, getting help back up. And it wasn't until 2015. So in 2015, when I met Deb Jeanette and the Veterans Yoga Project, I took their continued education teacher training course. Because like I said, I had already been a yoga teacher certified since 2013. As the biology pre-med student that I was in college, I've always been fascinated with the body science, physiological aspects to responding. Heck, I went to a specialty academic high school in Houston called the High School for Health Professions. So by the time I was 16 years old, I was already doing clinical rotations equivalent to licensed vocational nurses, certified nursing assistants as a 16-year-old. So I've just been fascinated with the body, the mind, how it works, and why. 2015, the gentleman that founded the Veterans Yoga Project is teaching this course and that connected the dots. Oh, if I stop and take a deep breath, it activates the body's parasympathetic nervous system, which is part of the body's autonomic nervous system. Wait a second. If I keep breathing with control and ease and consciousness and gentility and love and affection and express gratitude, that'll increase the positive neurochemicals in my body. Wait a second. I can feel the same endorphin, serotonin, and other neurotransmitters that help my body heal if I just sit and not just sit, Caesar. Hey, check this out. You can be moving. Wait, there are moving meditations? Wait a second. Wait a second. Mind effing blow. So it didn't hit for me until 2015. So now when I teach, and this is why I think that my my style of teaching is, I don't want to say as popular as it is, because I don't know if it's popular, but it's popular. There's quite a bit of a popular. It is popular. Is let's break it down into its simplest form. Meditation isn't sitting on a mountaintop, stroking your beard, watching the clouds go by, sitting in silence for 10 days. Nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with vipassana. I love the insight. I love, matter of fact, one of my goals in life, once we open back up, is to go and do a 10-day silent sit, 10-day silent meditation. But meditation can be, hey, while you're getting the kids lunch ready, can you take a look at your kids? Notice the color of their hair, notice their eyes. What color is the jelly you're putting on the toast? Can we look outside for a brief moment and see the gray in the sky as it's juxtaposed color-wise with the red brick of the building that you see? It's that raising awareness. That's mindfulness. Mindfulness is overcomplicated by so many people. In its simplest form, it's just pausing, reflecting, noticing, feeling. And meditation is nothing but mindful thinking. People show up to meditation thinking, I'm going to find peace and calm. Oh, oh no, no, no, no, no. I want you to show up with all your baggage. I want you carrying that backpack that's full of guilt and tension and anxiety. And I want you to carry that suitcase that's filled with regret. But I want you to know that you can put on that fanny pack that's carrying gratitude and joy. And all of that is welcome. Everyone thinks that they have to leave certain things behind, and that's not it. If I'm going to show up, I want you to realize that there are no good or bad emotions. You're going to either constructively or destructively feel. You're going to constructively or destructively react. Grief, joy, pain, triumph, all are welcome. We just have a tendency again to think that I have to feel one more so than the other. And we shy away from that. So meditation for me clicked in 2015 when it was explained to me in that way. So huge shout out to all of my teachers over the years who've just done a great job of letting me know that I can be whoever I am and still show up to meditate.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah. I think I feel very similar to you in terms of what exactly mindfulness is. And I think there is this misconception of meditation, especially when you first start hearing about it, that and I think we're just in a society where we do try to pigeonhole everything, right? Because things that are simple are easy to digest. And that's it. And I think it is even it's a bit detrimental. And I am grateful to these apps for raising the, for raising the awareness of meditation. But I do think, you know, every time I go to, because I used to use the com app, right. And every single time I go to use it, it's your daily calm is 10 minutes and it's the exact same format. And so that's what it is, right? Meditation is 10 minutes of sitting on your chair with your headphones on. And it's so not. And I think I had, I definitely had a similar experience where I finally heard someone just say, meditation is noticing exactly what you're saying. You know, the the leaves on the tree in front of me are slightly brown at the end, but the rest of the tree looks really good. And I'm grateful for the fact that, you know, it's 20 degrees outside and my palm tree is thriving, like whatever it is. It's just looking at, it's looking at every single thing that's going on around you and really being in the moment. And that was like, I think when it really just clicked for me was that like, okay, meditation is presence. That's it. It's just, it's not thinking about 10 minutes ago. It's not thinking about what I'm doing after this. It's just thinking about exactly what's going on right now and the senses that are around me, what I hear and what I feel and what I see. And like those are the things that I think are the most grounding techniques that we can sort of just try to pass on as much as we can.
SPEAKER_00And thank you for sharing that. Because in your sharing, you're letting people know that this is what worked for you, but you didn't get to it. You know, you it wasn't Monday afternoon on Tuesday morning, you woke up and you were like, Oh, this is what works for me. So let's keep urging people to try, try, sit if you can for two hours. Because it it's it's you just like, wait a second, I I can't do this. And then you find yourself sitting in a and because I've done it in a two-hour sit, and you're like, Wow, I did that, or just continually be reminded because I hear the number one thing I hear is I don't have time to meditate. And I'm like, yo, Beyonce's got 24 hours in a day, and she knocks out everything that she does, Queen B. But in in all, you know, in all seriousness, you don't need time. You need a moment, like you said, a moment to notice the palm tree. Oh, I love you, palm tree. Does your palm tree have a name?
SPEAKER_01It doesn't.
SPEAKER_00You should name it. You need to name your palm tree. So you would look at your palm tree with a to be determined name and say, Hector, I love you. I'm so happy you're alive. Yeah, but it's that. And in that moment, and then that moment passes. And in that moment, you've meditated. And so it is, and that's why my site offers five-minute sits, 10-minute sits, 20-minute sits longer. I custom curate if you want any shorter. But it really is that. I mean, even on my phone, Alexa can see this, but I don't know if anyone else can. So there's a sticker on the back of my phone. It's just like a regular circle sticker from Staples. I have one on my laptop, there's one on my water bottle, there's one on the fridge. Every single, there's one on the inside of my wallet. Every time I see the sticker, I take one controlled deep breath. Because our body's respiratory system is the only system that we have voluntary control over. When you go to sleep at night, you don't think about breathing, your body just does it. But if everyone right now listening were to just pause and reflect on their breath, where's it coming in from? Hmm, through the tip of my nose, it's traveling down the throat. Can you now take a deep enough breath to allow the top of the chest to rise, the ribcase to expand? Can we inflate the belly? And so now thinking about it, it's starting the decompression, it's starting the calming effect. So our body's respiratory system gives us an opportunity to activate whenever we want, wherever we want, in any situation, the body's parasympathetic nervous system, which is our rest and digest. So this is what people forget. So that sticker on my phone just reminds me to pause. And now it's habit. And so when people all the time go, I can't create a meditation practice. Yeah, you can. Yeah, set the alarm on your phone. That post-it on your mirror when you go to brush your teeth that says breathe, that one breath, that one breath is meditation. The post-it that's on the coffee machine. I mean, it it really is, and there are a multitude of ways. And that's why one of my favorite, favorite Buddhist meditation teachers who I revere is Thitch Nathan. Through Thitch Nathan's teachings, I learned about moving meditations. He's like, Yeah, wash the dishes. My favorite thing to do now, Alexa, is wash the dishes.
SPEAKER_01I'm still there with you. It's such a meditative thing. I don't know why it is, but it is.
SPEAKER_00Well, and here's what you know, the fitch not han reflects on as you wash that bowl, you think of what was in the bowl. You think of the food that nourished you, you think of the bowl and its shape, you think of the temperature of the water in your hands. Like I don't do any of this on purpose, it's just there, but it gives you a chance. It gives you a chance to take a break. And what we need right now more than ever is just a chance to reset. It's gonna take us a while to fully reset, fully rejuvenate energy, find a place where we feel a comfortable sense of renewal. Because all of us, all of us right now are hurting. I'm hurting. Let me not speak for everybody. I'm hurting, but like I myself have just experienced so much and have been tested. Here I am, the meditation teacher, and I'm people are coming to me to hold space, and I'm doing everything that I can, and then I have my own systems to release, I have my own boundaries that I set, I have or else I'll experience burnout and I'll soak in everyone else's vicarious trauma. So I do what I can to reset. Matter of fact, I'm going to be taking a break from the world over the next few months. And that's why I was happy that we were able to take care of this today, because within the next two or three weeks, I'm gonna just step away and it'll give me a chance to disconnect so that I can reconnect. But my body, my mind, my soul right now are hurting and I need I need to rest. And for those people that don't get a chance to step away, I'm very lucky that I get a chance to just step away. But those that have, you know, work and they've got the stresses of kids and their partner and jobs, you can take that same time. You can take a moment to reset. You have to. And I teach from the place of it's one thing to have your cup of tea and share it with someone else. Like, how can you possibly pour into someone else's cup if yours is empty? But I want to challenge people to think of this. Rather than pouring from your own cup of tea, why don't you let your cup of tea overflow and you give people the excess from your saucer? Let your cup always be full, let it always be overflowing. And rather than giving people from your own, give them the excess. And if you're not taking care of yourself, then there's a huge possibility and a detriment to your own safety, sanity, health. And so it's important to just take time for you. And it's not selfish. That's that's a whole other conversation. It's not selfish.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I I totally hear that. What advice and what tips do you have for someone who maybe is used to holding space for others as a profession, right? Like I had on one of my friends Noah, he's a rumble trainer and he Oh, I know Noah. Love Noah. Yeah, he's amazing, but he he's diagnosed bipolar and he often talks about his job. He's a fitness trainer, and his job is to hold space for other people to come in and feel high energy and they're wanna, they want to punch a bag and do all these things. And how do you like what advice do you have for someone who is maybe not sure of where to start with setting boundaries and how to protect their own energy when your occupation is holding space for others?
SPEAKER_00I'm so happy that you asked that. And I think there's a divine timing. I'm I'm having a moment here. There is uh I'm having a very serendipitous moment. It back in June of 2020, I and my partner had COVID and had recovered, but it was 10 plus weeks of illness. We're still in the midst of learning what it was. It was just, it was horrible. And I'm still feeling the mentally the effects of that. I would what little sleep I was getting would wake up just to make sure that my partner was was breathing. It just and so in June, I had a major breakdown, like just major, because I didn't know that I was suffering from vicarious traumas. So as a practitioner, as a caretaker, as a teacher, and whether it's Noah at Rumble, and I love the gang at Rumble and Noah, shout out to that whole team. Whether it's as a yoga meditation teacher, life coach, as a doctor, healthcare worker, as a grocery worker, as an essential worker, we are holding space for so many others. You and myself. I didn't realize that compassion fatigue existed. I didn't know what burnout was. Looking back on my life, I had been burnt out multiple times, not realizing. So my immediate advice is, and if you want any further information about this, please do not hesitate to contact me and I will go over all of this, is self-care. So, number one, give yourself an opportunity to move or whatever it is that you're you need to do. And if it's sitting on the couch one day and Netflixing through whatever the latest Netflix show is, do that. Self-compassion, giving yourself an opportunity to just say, hey, you know what? I looking in the mirror, I often assign this as homework to people who are listening to me at least once today. Go into the mirror. And whether you believe it or not, just say, hey, I'm proud of you. Giving yourself the grace, the allowance to feel whatever you're feeling, setting boundaries. Give yourself an opportunity to say, no, nope, nope, nope, I can't do this right now. I've taken more in the last six or seven months to turn down auditions and stuff like that, because they're still auditioning like TV and film. And I've shot a couple TV shows, but there were multiple auditions where I said to my agents, I'm not in a healthy mental state. I can't possibly record this, nor do I have the energy. Feel free to set that boundary. And that's part of protecting your. Yourself. And that's part of what is going to give you an opportunity to then realize okay, through boundaries, good self-care, self-compassion, then we can handle the rest of the world if you're in a position as a caretaker. And it's just it's hugely important. I also in the last eight months have discovered self-compassion. Like I, you know, you heard the term, but like what is it? Well, one of my favorite uh facilitators, her name is Dr. Kristen Neff. She's a University of Texas and Austin human development professor and one of the world's forlorn experts on self-compassion. And she shares love, acceptance, compassion are your birthright. And we grow up and through life and what we learn, what we experience, we then maybe stray away from love or we stray away from acceptance and don't realize that compassion is part of what we are because we're humans. We're we're designed to seek pleasure and avoid pain. But it's in the pain that we sometimes learn different things. And it's just it's hard. None of this is easy. None of this is easy. And so yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I just a few days ago had a moment where uh in my household with my partner, he works very, very long hours. And I personally design my schedule to have breaks in the middle of the day. So I'm the one that I take the dog out and I, you know, make our meals and I clean up and I do all the things because I do genuinely enjoy those things. They bring me moments of presence. But I think it's funny. I think we're very similar in the way that everything we've learned, we want to share it with other people, right? And we like go really hard at work and making sure everyone else hears the things that we've learned because they've helped us. And so that really has been everything I've been doing through the podcast and through my business and everything that I just want to share, share, share. And going back to a few days ago, I was making dinner and I looked at all the dishes and I was just like, I can't, I can't clean up one more time. We've been in this for almost a year now. I have cooked and cleaned, you know, like I am I'm not to say anything bad. Like my partner really does chip in when he needs to, but I'm horrible at saying, hey, I need you to do that now. So bad. And I'm finally, I was just like, I can't do it. And he was like, that's fine, of course I'll do it. But it's just you have these little moments where I think I I tell everyone else, right? Be easy on yourself, ask for help when you need it, do all these things. And it's like you need to really look at are you doing those things for yourself? Are you recovering? You tell other people to recover all the time. Are you recovering? And it's like I just have this moment where I was like, oh, right. I'm a person too.
SPEAKER_01Like I'm also all the advice I give people. I maybe should be taking my own.
SPEAKER_00You know, that's that's a fixture and a testament to who you are. Like you've always been this loving and kind and caring individual. Like I remember an FYI backstory, friends. Alexa was one of my supervisors, so basically one of my managers. And so, like, you know, she would have to sometimes put the boot down and be like, no, Caesar, you can't do that. You have to be here. But there was never once any indication from her of malice. It was always from a kind of compassionate place, which I've always appreciated. So you take what you do just as a human. You're a good human, period. And so, of course, your nature is it's all right, I'm gonna, I don't want to cause any ripples in the water, I'm gonna take care of me and you know to take care of yourself physically, mentally. But we forget. It's just and it's and it's okay. We just simply forget that we are allowed to not be okay, and we forget that we're allowed to say to someone, no, I don't want I don't want to be a part of that. I can't be a part of that. You know what? Not right now. I'm interested, but maybe can we touch base on this in six weeks? You know, let's let's step away from the pandemic world for a moment. In that normal quote unquote normal place we used to live in. We didn't give ourselves the chances to say, no, or I can't do that right now. And now in a pandemic world, it is of the utmost importance to go ahead and set those boundaries, exhibit self-care, self-compassion, raise those self-awareness levels as best as we can. And that's why I encourage our listeners to seek support. If you don't know, it's okay. I at one point didn't know that because I grew up as an abused kid, that it was going to turn me into this angry person. And I share this again openly. I'm a sexual abuse victim. So it's not talked about for men to openly share. I grew up angry. And here I am now as a men's coach, as a men's facilitator, and sharing with men, it's okay to be vulnerable. I love Brene Brown. Brene Brown mentions vulnerability is the utmost act of courage. And if my men support groups that I not just facilitate, but I'm also like a member of, like a listener, a student of, I wouldn't be alive right now if I didn't have them over the last eight months and found this group of men. And then now my teaching is shaped and shifted, but it's that is giving ourselves a chance to feel. And then what can we do sitting in it? Because, and this takes us into maybe a whole other podcast interview, we live in a world of impermanence. Guess what, my friends? It will not last. That elation you feel is gonna go away. And also in the same token, that grief you're feeling will shift. Because I don't want to say that grief is gonna go away. Grief is nonlinear, so you'll feel you'll feel fine one day. I'm grieving right now. I I just I told Alexa prior to us recording, I found out that another friend of mine, another friend of mine passed away yesterday. And for me, over the course of the last year, through kidney disease and COVID and yesterday's car accident, I've lost seven people. And so the idea of death, we're all finite. I'm not afraid of dying. That's me though. But like every single one of us is given a short time on this earth, and from our birth year to our death year, what do you guys want to do with your dash? And so it's just a matter of experiencing and giving yourself the grace and allowance to not be okay and to also celebrate whenever you get something that's good. And you know what? Sometimes celebrating means, hey, I woke up. I took a shower for this, Alexa. I want you to know. But you want to hear the truth? I hadn't showered since Saturday. I got up, I showered, and I shaved for this. But I have been in the same clothes since Saturday. How many of us are experiencing that? And you know what? It's okay. And I was like, no, let me get up. And I'm like, let me at least be presentable.
SPEAKER_01You are more than presentable as I'm over here in my top knot and sweat.
SPEAKER_00I'm actually jealous. You're as relaxed as you are. No, it's that.
SPEAKER_02Thank you. Thank you for sharing all of that. And it's it's so, so, so, so important that, you know, as we come up on a year of this, that people really understand they're just so not alone. And we are really just on this together. And yeah, I'm just I'm so so so grateful to you for sharing. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_00Thank you. Appreciate you.
SPEAKER_02Oh, thank you so much. I feel like this is a good moment to, I can't believe we're ready at 12 o'clock. I know. I would we'll have you back for part two. We need to talk about it. Let's do part two.
SPEAKER_00We'll definitely do that. Uh, I just would love everyone to stay safe, stand strong. And if there are any other questions or concerns or thoughts, please. I I welcome any and all feedback. I'm sure Alexa will share my social media handles, but you can always visit.
SPEAKER_02Where can yeah, where can people find you?
SPEAKER_00Uh uh on all the social media handles except for TikTok. I don't understand it. I don't like it. I don't know what it is. Remind me at Cesar F Borajas, just check the spelling, C-E-A-S-A-R-F as in Nando, B is in Bravo, A-R-A-J-A-S. But I also curated over the course of the last six or seven months a website that offers a subscription-based meditation catalog. And I also offer custom meditations and teaching. Um, and that can be found at thejourney with Caesar.com. So check that out if you can and reach out and say hello. Again, I'm also in isolation, so I love hearing from people. And it really is something I'm a teacher on multiple apps, and daily it's really neat to just receive messages of affirmation from people. Hey, I listened to this class and I'm in the desert in Tucson. My partner and I are in an RV traveling the country. Um, I have clients in Finland. I was out, took a walk in the snow. Like, I mean, it's just it's neat. So we really are internationally connected friends. So please know that you're not alone and that there is a world outside of the apartment or the house that you're in, where people are also very like-minded and sharing a lot of the same sentiments.
SPEAKER_02Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_00My pleasure. It was an honor. Thank you.
