Mindset Magic: Reframing to Get Real Results

In this episode, we explore the concept of reframing and its impact on your equestrian journey. Host Mary Debono shares personal anecdotes and practical examples to illustrate how changing your perspective can revolutionize your approach to challenges, both in and out of the saddle.

Mary emphasizes that reframing is not about sugarcoating difficulties, but about finding actionable strategies to improve your life and your relationship with your horse. She introduces the Feldenkrais Method as a powerful tool for enhancing both physical and mental well-being, highlighting how improved body awareness can lead to more effective mindset shifts.

Key takeaways:

• Reframing is about changing the meaning of a situation to reach a more empowering conclusion.
• Mindset shifts not only change how you feel but also influence your actions and outcomes.
• Grounding techniques, such as focusing on physical sensations, can help break negative thought patterns.
• Improved body awareness through the Feldenkrais Method can facilitate mindset shifts and enhance riding abilities.
• Reframing is a skill that can be practiced daily, leading to long-term positive changes in your equestrian life.

Mentioned in the podcast: Breeze running and rearing gif

Resources:

💥Learn how the Feldenkrais Method can help improve your seat, position, and balance on your horse! Free rider videos masterclass: https://www.marydebono.com/rider 💥

Email mary@marydebono.com

All information is for general educational purposes ONLY and doesn't constitute medical, veterinary, or professional training advice. Always use extreme caution when interacting with horses. 

About the Host:

Mary Debono is a pioneer in animal and human wellness, blending her expertise as an international clinician, best-selling author, and certified Feldenkrais Method® practitioner. With over three decades of experience, Mary developed Debono Moves, a groundbreaking approach that enhances the performance, well-being, and partnership of horses and their human companions.

Recognizing the profound connection between equine and human movement, Mary's innovative approach draws from the Feldenkrais Method®, tailored specifically for the equestrian world. Her methods have helped horses and humans:

• Improve athletic ability and performance
• Enhance confidence and reduce anxiety
• Reduce physical limitations and discomfort
• Deepen the horse-human bond

Mary's flagship online program, "Move with Your Horse," offers equestrians a unique opportunity to experience the benefits of Feldenkrais® while also learning her signature hands-on work for horses. This transformative approach has helped riders and their equine partners achieve harmony, both in and out of the saddle.

As a speaker and educator, Mary has touched the lives of equestrians across the globe, empowering them to unlock their full potential through mindful movement and enhanced body awareness.

Discover the power of Debono Moves and transform your equestrian journey. Visit https://www.marydebono.com/you-and-your-horse to learn more about Mary's unique work.

Because you and your horse deserve to feel great. Together. 

Transcript

Do you know that you're just one thought, one decision away from feeling better? Yes. No matter what you're dealing with. And this could be horse related or not horse related. You can change how you think about a situation to totally change its effect on you and your actions that you take to deal with it. So, in case we're meeting for the first time, my name is Mary Debono, and this is the Easier Movement, Happier Horses podcast.

So, yeah, today I want to talk about reframing. So if you think of reframing, it's basically changing the meaning of something, right? So. And you do that so that you can reach a different conclusion about it. You can turn it into something that's more helpful in your life, more, more, you know, empowering, more positive in your life. And this is the thing. It doesn't just change how you feel, but it changes what you do in response.

So I think that's really, really important. It's not just to sugarcoat things and say, something unfortunate happened, and you just say, oh, well, you know, everything happens for a reason, and, you know, I'm glad to be alive, and, you know, whatever, and you just kind of just gloss it over. No, it's not about that. It's about empowering yourself, having the resources to take steps to do the actions that will benefit you the most.

So, yes, you'll feel better, but your life will also be better. So let me give you some examples. A friend of mine, good friend of mine, had an unfortunate accident. It was kind of a freak accident, and it really, really set her back. She's very athletic woman. She's a horse woman. Just super athletic. And she required surgery and then lots of recovery time afterwards. Like, lots. Like, they're talking about probably a year.

And of course, and of course, she was right in the middle of some major life changes as well, and all kinds of things. So now, pretty depressing thing. Okay, so she's dependent on people to help her, and, you know, she's basically bedridden, things like that. So, very depressing. But this is what I love so much about her. She caught herself and thought, hmm, what if I thought about this differently?

And what she's doing is she's actually. She totally reframed the situation into, this is my reset time. So she's using this opportunity, and you notice I said opportunity. She's using this opportunity to completely revamp how she literally will move forward in the world. So she's working with me doing Feldenkrais. She's working with physical therapists again, she had an excellent surgeon, all those important things, and it's so powerful to me.

And I think that isn't going to be. Probably one of the most important drivers of her recovery is her mindset, basically, that she's saying, I'm going to come back better and stronger from this. She's going to use the time to actually really, like, build herself up from the ground up to completely change how she's walking, how she's moving as she progresses through her recovery. Fantastic reframe, in my opinion.

I thought that's a really good example. And it's not enough to just leave it there to say, okay, I'm going to have this mindset shift. That's all well and good, but it's really important then to think of the steps that would get you there and imagine yourself doing that. Imagine yourself doing that. So whatever your situation is that maybe you can change how you're thinking about it, you also want to think about the steps you're taking to.

And again, I'm talking about, like a challenge, right? If there's some issue that you're dealing with, either physically, emotionally work related, horse related, whatever it is, then think about the action steps you'll be taking and actually imagine yourself doing that. Imagine yourself doing them. And remember, and I think this is so, so critical, we get into habit loops in our brain. In other words, just the same way we have habits of how we move, how we sit, how we, you know, position our legs on our horse.

I mean, all kinds of things, right? We have habits of how we do them. We also have habitual ways of thinking and feeling. And you may have started those habitual ways of thinking and feeling when you didn't have the resources that you have now. You know a lot more now. You have access to all kinds of information now, right? That can help you. So we want to remember that what we think is automatic.

What we think can't be changed about us. What we think is just our identity or who we are, our personality, if you will. We can change that at a very fundamental level. I'll give you another example. I've always been a worrier about my horses. Well, I should say I used to be, okay. And that's something that my husband, who is a master at this kind of stuff, has helped me with over the years.

And then a number of years ago, my horse, Breeze, now Breeze has since passed away. Passed away last year. But this is several years ago, he had a very severe injury, very, very severe injury to a hind leg. And I was pretty devastated for him, too. He was in a lot of pain, of course. We were doing all the medication. I had amazing vet all the things we were doing for him, but I couldn't help but go down that downward spiral in the fact that I was thinking, we'll never be able to do the things that we love doing together.

He's always been a go pony. He wants to run and gallop. We for years have always done this really fun, what I call Liberty play. I teach them all kinds of different behaviors and tricks, if you will. It's kind of like equine agility, but even more so. Lots of different things. And I thought, oh, we're never going to be able to do that because walking was very, very difficult at that point in the beginning.

So even just walking a few steps. But then I started thinking about this. You know, I'm going to have definitely a few months here. We're just going to be walking. What could I do that will be fun and engaging for both of us? And that could actually move the needle forward as far as our Liberty play. And what I discovered was I could teach him all kinds of things just at the walk.

Just at the walk. And we had a lot of fun together. And I'm happy to say he made a full recovery. And I'll never forget the, the first time I saw him go back to doing his kind of signature roll and go right up into a rear, you know, on two hind legs and then spin around and gallop off. And I'll actually, I'll post a little, I have a little gif of him doing that, or Gif, however you say that little short video clip.

But I was like, okay, we're back. Right? But in the meantime, yes, there were definitely some emotional days, don't get me wrong. I mean, they were days I was just crying. I didn't leave aside for, for several days. I mean, it was very difficult. So we're not sugar coating that, but I started to really shift my perspective about the injury and thought, hmm, what can we do and how can I make the most of it?

And how could that, how can I not just like to pass the time until he's recovered, but to actually take steps forward in our, you know, in continuing our connection on having fun together, on, you know, learning new skills, all the things that make life fulfilling. Right? So that's what we did. So think about. So again, if you're dealing with something or something comes up and it could be really minor, it could be someone at the barn says something to you, you didn't like, right?

Trust me, I know that that happens. Or it could be something else with your horse, maybe a performance issue or something. Can you think about, notice how you're responding to that, notice your emotions and then become curious about them. And it's not like you're not shoving them down. You're not dismissing your emotions, but you're just noticing them. Like, oh, that's interesting that I feel that way. And then if you're finding yourself kind of, like, in those negative loops, right, those negative thoughts, maybe you're.

Maybe you're judging yourself negatively for something. Okay, what if I just tuned into my physical sensations? If I felt the ground beneath my feet? What if I noticed the air on my skin? Maybe there's a little breeze blowing. What am I seeing? What am I hearing? What am I smelling? And if there's a taste, if that's relevant, what are you tasting? But start to bring your senses in, and that really helps ground you, and it takes your brain out of that automatic pilot of that negative loop cycle that we're often in, right?

So having negative thoughts, negative emotions, things that aren't going to serve you in a positive way, right? So think about then, like, well, what resources do I have now that I didn't have before? Like, so even if you're reviewing something from the past, like, you're ruminating right now, who doesn't do that, right? We may all do that to some extent. Just say you're ruminating about something that happened.

It could have happened ten minutes ago, or it could have happened 30 years ago, but you're ruminating about it. You can actually change that a little bit and think, hmm, what resources do I have now that I didn't have back then and again, could be ten minutes ago, but now you're thinking more about it, or it could be, you know, 30 years, and then you can kind of change how you experienced that just based on what you know now, right?

And then think, well, what action would I take now to address that, whatever that happens to be? So there was this woman I worked with, and she's just one example of many, many writers that I've worked with over the years that had some kind of physical issue. Okay? Lots of people come to me for Feldenkrais that have physical issues. So they want to ride better, they want to improve how they feel, how they move, how they ride.

And in her case, she had a couple of leg surgeries 20 some odd years before. So she had these issues with her legs, and she could never use her legs properly on her horse. You know, they were never in the right position. She always felt uncoordinated. Her trainer was always yelling at her. She was a jumper rider. . So it's important for every rider, of course, to have an effective seat and to be able to use their legs well.

But it was something she just thought, well, this is what I'm stuck with, right? Because I have these problems and I have these major surgeries on my leg. But within the span of less than 1 hour, I taught her a Feldenkrais lesson that completely changed how she looked at her situation completely, actually, like, changed her identity about herself as a writer. And she texted me later that day to say, after, sometime after the Feldenkrais lesson, she went and rode, and she had the best ride of her life, and she was jumping and doing all kinds of things.

And she said, my legs were just on. And having that experience, having that ability of her, I'm going to say neuroplasticity, in other words, allowing, giving herself that opportunity to change her physical abilities, then helped her change her mindset as well. Because when your nervous system learns that it can change rather quickly, I might add, many times your physical scaffolding, if you will, right? The way you move, the way you coordinate your movement, all that stuff, your brain realizes that change doesn't have to be scary, that, yes, we might be stuck in these kind of mental loops, right?

These negative thoughts we might have or the way we go down that drain spiral. But when you have those physical experiences of physically changing how you act in the world, how you move, how you ride, all those things, you're basically telling your nervous system change can feel not only safe, but really, really pleasurable. That could be, it's like positively reinforcing change, that helping your nervous system be comfortable with variety, with novelty.

And that can help change how you think. It can help change these kind of mindset traps we get into, right. It can help you reframe things more effectively in your life to change how you're looking at situations. Okay, so again, the idea here is to prime your brain to come up with more useful strategies to improve your life, to help you feel better, to help you help your horse more effectively as well, to have a better relationship and have more fun with your horse.

Okay, so this is, you know, and again, I want to just underline or how different this is than simply, like, positive thinking where you're just sugarcoating it and saying everything is great. Isn't that wonderful? You should be happy, you know, all that kind of stuff, which is. Can be actually what they call toxic positivity, where you're just trying to sweep things under the rug. But no, instead, what you're doing is you're learning how to strategize.

You're learning to trust yourself. You're learning to let go of habits of movement and mindset that are no longer serving you. You're basically learning to look at yourself, to be more self aware. And by being more self aware, you can make different decisions. You can choose a different thought. Who would have thunk, right? You know, you might not realize how many thoughts you have running around in your brain.

Something like around 70,000 a day or something like that. And apparently about 95% of them are unconscious. You don't even know you're doing that, right, but they're running the show, right? It's like all the software in the background. So instead, if you start to really think about tuning more into your physical sensations, noticing your breath again, I'm going to make a, you know, make a plug for the Feldenkrais method that I teach because it is so useful for this, because it can help improve your movement.

Okay. How you feel physically, which then helps you change and improve how you feel mentally and emotionally. It allows your nervous system to recognize that change can be a wonderfully good thing. Okay. And that's what I'm going to leave you with. Well, I'll say one more thing. I would encourage you to think about even one thing. A day could be a trivial thing, or it could be something more important.

Could be from your. Related to your horse or your horse life, your time at the barn. Or it could be totally separate. But think of something that you can change, how you look at it. You change your perspective, you know, reframe it, as we call it, and. And then notice, you know, think about, okay, if I look at it in this different way, if I look at it as maybe an opportunity for growth, maybe an opportunity for compassion or an op, you know, maybe it's someone who said something annoying, right?

You can think, well, maybe I can show a little compassion, a little grace. Maybe it's something your horse did. Can you think instead of thinking that your horse is being belligerent or stubborn? Which I cannot tell you how many times people use those terms, and I just don't understand them with horses, that instead you think, what's my horse trying to tell me? How can I approach this situation differently so that it becomes something that my horse understands what I'm asking and that it's something that's enjoyable for my horse as well as myself.

So again, that's what I'd encourage you to do. Play around with this. Notice how it changes your life and then let me know. Feel free to email me marydebono.com dot. You know, when you share your insights, it helps inspire other people as well, right? So. And as I always say, it's because you and your horse deserve to feel great together. So thank you so very much for joining me.

And I'm very, very appreciative of all your support, your help, and I love hearing from you. So feel free to email me, let me know what you're dealing with. Maybe it's not even about a reframe, but maybe you just want some actionable steps that can help you improve and grow along with your horse. So thanks again. I look forward to talking to you real soon. Bye for now.