Pause, Process, Progress: The Value of Confusion

Confusion isn’t failure—it’s a signal that your brain (or your animal’s) is learning something new. In this episode, Mary Debono shares how embracing confusion can improve your movement, mindset, and connection with your horse or dog. 

Key Takeaways

• Confusion is a natural and valuable part of the learning process.
• Your nervous system—and your animal’s—needs time and space to process new information.
• Novelty and variation disrupt habitual patterns, leading to more efficient movement.
• Asking “How can this feel easier?” can guide you through confusion with grace.
• The key is not to fix but to support—whether it’s your dog, your horse, or yourself.
• Allowing for confusion builds patience, compassion, and a deeper connection.

Resources:

Grab your FREE videos on Connected Breathing and Rhythm Circles to help your dog. 🐕 https://www.marydebono.com/lovedog 💥

Get your free videos on Connected Breathing and Rhythm Circles with your horse. 🐎https://tinyurl.com/equine-videos

Get Mary’s bestselling, award-winning book, “Grow Young with Your Dog,” for a super low price at: https://tinyurl.com/growyoungwithyourdog. Demonstration videos are included at no extra cost.

Want to sit in a more balanced, secure way? Click here for all the details on our Feldenkrais series:
Effortless, Balanced Sitting: A FeldenkraisⓇ Movement Series   

All information is for general educational purposes ONLY and does not constitute medical or veterinary advice or professional training advice. Please consult a qualified healthcare provider if you, your horse, or your dog are unwell or injured.  Always use extreme caution when interacting with horses and dogs.

Email mary@marydebono.com

Transcript

Hello, and welcome to Easier Movement, Happier Life. I'm Mary Debono, and in today's episode, I want to invite you to do something that might feel a little counterintuitive, and that's to allow time and space for your confusion. Yes, really confusion. Now, before you tune out thinking that confusion is something you want to avoid, let me offer you another perspective. Confusion is a very normal experience, and it can actually be a gateway to learning, connection, and even joy.

Now, why does confusion matter? Well, in the Feldenkrais Awareness Through Movement lessons that I teach, I often remind my students to give themselves time and space for their confusion. Now, why? Why do we need that? Because many of the movements that we explore together are unfamiliar. Deliberately so. That's part of the magic, right? When we introduce novelty and variation to our movement, we interrupt our automatic habitual patterns that no longer serve us.

And in that moment of doing something different, that's when your nervous system really pays attention, and it begins to explore healthier, more appropriate, and more efficient options. So if you're feeling confused, it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It means you're doing something different. And the brain learns by noticing differences. So confusion is often a sign that learning is taking place. Okay? So it's not something that you want to avoid.

And so whether you're changing the way you walk, sit, or just overall coordination and balance, it's common to feel a bit unsure at first, right? The key is not to just try to rush through that process. Instead, pause, ask your nervous system to take in the new information. Again, give yourself time and space for your confusion. And here's a question that I often remind people to consider. How can this feel easier?

And that really helps you get a handle on your confusion. In other words, instead of thinking, oh, I'm not doing this right, and judging yourself and all that kind of stuff that we often do, just take a breath and ask yourself, how can this feel easier? So it kind of, like, helps you soften the edges of your confusion, right? Allows your nervous system to have more time and space to process what you're learning and allows you to improve faster, actually.

And that simple question, you know, how can this feel easier? That really can invite your brain to discover more efficient, more elegant ways of moving and acting. Now, what about your animals? Okay, you're probably here because you have an interest in horses or dogs or other animals as well as well as yourself. So let's extend this idea of confusion to our animals. So when you're doing the bono moves with your horse or your dog, you might do something that we commonly call a ribcage slide.

Super, super gentle, it's very delicate, it's light. But you're just working with your animal's rib cage in a particular way and maybe you don't get immediate feedback like you're, you're, like, you can just tell that your horse or your dog's wheels are turning. You know, they're, they're not quite sure. They're definitely not uncomfortable because that's essential, that your animal feels comfortable. They feel safe. There's no, you know, pain or anxiety about pain, but there's like, you can just tell that, that their nervous system is saying, this feels different.

Right? You're, that means that their nervous system is noticing something new. So just like with you, that moment is golden. That's where the learning takes place. Right? That's where the real change begins. Okay, so this is true again for your horse, for your dog, for any animal you work with, right? There's going to be that sense that, ah, this is, I'm noticing something different. So that's important so that they mean that, that your animal is sensing, processing and integrating something new.

Okay, so these are good things. Now how would you incorporate confusion in your training and daily life? Well, just say you're teaching your horse or your dog to respond to a subtle new cue. If they don't respond in the way you hope for them right away, that's okay. That's called learning. And they might respond one, two or three times and you're like, yeah, they've got it. And the next time they don't, because learning isn't linear.

That's okay. And it could also be, by the way, it might reflect that you're doing something differently with your cue, but that, that's part of your confusion. But we don't know even if you did it exactly the same. Right. Their nervous system is still figuring things out. It's all part of the process. So, you know, you might experience this, you know, as you're learning to move differently in your life.

Right. You're doing your Feldenkrais lessons with me. You're learning that you know a different way to stand, a different way to walk, you know, more ease and elegance in your movements. And you might feel at one point like if you do, especially if you do a really, really non habitual Feldenkrais lesson, you might get up and think, oh, wow, I feel like so different. It's almost like a little, little moment of confusion or often the confusion happens during the lesson, there might even be some instructions that I'm giving that your brain can't quite figure out right away.

That's fine. That's actually, again, those are those golden opportunities that show that you're learning and improving. Okay? So soften around the confusion. Breathe with it. Trust that your nervous system is figuring things out. Okay? So let's, let's try this today. Even, you know, choose one area, whether it's your. Your own movement, a hands on de bono move you're doing with your horse or your dog. Maybe it's a creative project, maybe it's in.

You're learning a new piece of technology. Whatever it is, when you notice that moment of uncertainty, just pause there. Allow yourself to linger there. Don't rush to try to figure it out. Don't berate yourself for not being smarter or more coordinated or something. Be okay with not knowing how to do it. Because confusion is not a block, it's a bridge. Okay? It's a bridge to improvement. So next time you feel confused, whether that's on your Feldenkrais mat with your horse or your dog, remember, confusion isn't a stop sign.

It's actually a signpost that you're on your way to greater growth and improvement. So thank you so very much for listening. I love sharing these ideas with you and I appreciate your feedback. So feel free to email me maryarydebono.com if you have comments, questions, you want to tell me what your challenge is, and we could do a podcast for you as well. So I look forward to seeing you again very soon.

Bye for now.