Building Trust Through Movement: Connect, Don't Correct

When something feels off, the instinct is to fix it. But pushing for correction often triggers resistance in the nervous system, whether in your own body, your horse, or your dog.

In this episode, Mary shares one of the foundational principles of her Debono Moves framework: connect, don't correct. It's a short episode with an idea worth sitting with.

Resources:

Grab your FREE video training to help your dog. 🐕 https://www.marydebono.com/lovedog 💥

Get Mary’s bestselling, award-winning book, “Grow Young with Your Dog,” for a super low price at: https://tinyurl.com/growyoungwithyourdog. Demonstration videos are included at no extra cost. ⬅️⬅️⬅️

💥Learn how the Feldenkrais MethodⓇ can help improve your seat, position, and balance on your horse! Free rider videos masterclass: https://www.marydebono.com/rider 💥

All information is for general educational purposes ONLY and does not constitute medical, veterinary, or training advice. Please consult a qualified healthcare provider if you, your horse, or dog are unwell or injured.  Always use caution when interacting with horses and dogs.

About the Host:

Mary Debono is a pioneer in animal and human wellness, blending her expertise as an international clinician, best-selling author, and certified Feldenkrais Method® practitioner. With over three decades of experience, Mary developed Debono Moves, a groundbreaking approach that enhances the performance, well-being, and partnership of animals and their humans.

Mary's innovative approach draws from the Feldenkrais Method®, tailored specifically for horse and dog enthusiasts.  Her methods have helped animals and humans:

• Improve athletic ability and performance
• Enhance confidence and reduce anxiety
• Reduce physical limitations and discomfort
• Deepen the human-animal bond

Mary's flagship online programs, "Move with Your Horse" and "Easier Movement, Happier Dogs," provide animal enthusiasts with an innovative approach that combines the concepts of Feldenkrais® with her signature hands-on work for horses and dogs (Debono Moves). Through this transformative approach, both people and their animal companions discover greater harmony, ease, and connection.

Transcript

Whenever we think there's something not quite right with either ourselves or our horses or our dogs, many times we think, well, we have to correct that. We have to change that. We have to fix that. Well, I want to talk today about one of the key concepts of the work that I teach. And one of these key concepts is we connect. We don't correct. And let me explain what I mean by that.

First, we'll start with a human example, then a horse, then a dog example. So with a human example, okay, so just say you come to a Feldenkrais Awareness Through Movement class that I teach, which I offer online programs and classes. So you come and you think, well, I have to fix the way I'm using my lower back. You know, my lower back gets tight, it hurts. Or maybe you're crooked, you it in a crooked way.

And you think, well, I have to fix that. I hope this Feldenkrais stuff can fix that. Well, it isn't about fixing it. I know that sounds strange because at the end of the lesson, you may feel perfectly balanced and you may feel like some. You have much greater use of your lower back, for example, as well. But yet the idea was not that you went in there and contradicted what you were doing.

Instead, this idea of connecting rather than correcting means that you tapped into something. You really felt what you were doing, you noticed it. You became more aware of what you were doing and then explored that. And you kept looking for this sense of ease and you know, what you do naturally, and then started going to the edges of that and inviting maybe new possibilities to show up. And when you do it in this very respectful, pleasant way, that feels good, that feels safe to your nervous system, your nervous system wants to expand on that, and that's what creates the improvement.

That's what creates the change. So it comes from this place of connecting, not correcting. Instead, if you had gone in there and said, oh, I. I sit crooked, I'm too. You know, I keep these ribs together. You know, they. You have maybe what people call a collapsed hip in the writing world. And you just try to force yourself to do differently. Maybe lift an arm and try to stretch that side, your nervous system will be like, no, no, no, no, no.

We need to go back to what we were doing because that's what worked for us. But instead, if you got curious, like I mentioned earlier, and you think about, how can I be more familiar with what I'm doing already and do it maybe a little bit more and build on that, and again, then. Then you gradually smooth out the edges, you start to explore the boundaries of that, but you do it again from a place of ease, ease and safety.

We want to associate movement with ease, with pleasure, with safety for our nervous system so that it will adopt the healthier, more efficient pattern. Right, that option. Now, okay, let's talk about our horses. It's the same thing. We'll use an example. A horse bends more easily to one side than the other, right? If we went in there and tried to force them to lengthen on that side and to shorten on the other and to bend in the way they don't want to, number one, that breaks trust automatically because the horse's nervous system will throw up all kinds of red flags about that.

And I want to say this appears even in a placid horse. Like, you might have a really easy going guy and the horse doesn't seem perturbed, but their nervous system is probably trying to hold on to the pattern that has served them over the years, even if it's maladaptive now. Right. So again, if we connect and we use our hands, and I teach this in my online move with your horse programs, if you use your hands to say, okay, what do you do?

How do you use your ribs, how do you use your spine, how do you use your neck and your pelvis? And you know, you, you get really curious and you support what the horse is already doing. So you connect with them now. You've built trust, you've built communication. And once you help support what they, what they're doing naturally, then you can start to explore very gradually some different options, some new possibilities.

But again, it starts with connection, right? Not correction. We do the same exact thing with dogs. So let's say your dog maybe is getting overall just stiffer, right? Maybe as they get older, they're getting stiffer. If we were to try to use our hands to like get the joints to move a certain way or to stretch the legs or something like that, again, we're now in a position of trying to correct what the dog is doing.

That can backfire badly. Instead, if we get really curious and feel like, well, what is my dog doing? How can I hold the leg, for example, in such a way to just support, to connect with the dog, right? And this may start actually with even putting your hands and just breathing with your dog and then feeling for those little tiny shifts and letting the dog's nervous system feel safe so it can choose other options.

So again, these are things, you know, I, it's, I can't really teach this on a, on a podcast episode, how to use your hands in these ways. But I do teach it in my online programs. But I want to say just if you keep that in mind, I think it will serve you. If you see, you know, if you, if you identify an issue or a challenge you're having either in, you know, with yourself, with your dog, with your horse, and you think, well, how can I connect rather than correct, then you can come from a really good foundation and you can help yourself and or your animal promote an improvement that comes from a really clear place and that will be, you know, healthier and something that the animal or yourself can then hold on to and continue to expand on that in a healthy, efficient, comfortable way that feels good to everybody.

Right? And when you're working with your animal builds that really, really strong bond, you know, that deep connection is what it is. So thank you for being here. I love sharing this work. I hope this resonates with you. Maybe think of different places. You can apply this in your own life and your animals lives because you know, after all, you and your animals deserve to feel great together.

Thank you so much. Look forward to talking to you soon. Bye for now.