Episode 123:LOTE: Family is everything toxicity
Courtney and Kimberly are hosting the show within the show, Living on the L Edge, discussing the road to recovery and sobriety. They start off the episode by greeting their audience and talking about the winter blues that everyone is experiencing. Courtney mentions that she is jealous of Kimberly's soda pop and Kimberly replies that it's just a little beverage while they record. They then talk about how they need some sunshine in their lives and how they understand why so many people are snowbirds. Courtney mentions that the winter months can be hard and Kimberly agrees, saying that if she had the financial resources she would be out of town. They then talk about how having sunshine all year round should not be taken for granted and Kimberly talks about how she tried to do some sun gazing before she was attacked by a dog and started screaming.
The conversation is between two people discussing the sign of getting older. The speaker mentions their boomer landlord who likes to talk about the weather and how their brother-in-law, Chuck Gaetica, has become the family's unofficial weatherman. Their mother has become Chuck Gaetica 2.0, always letting them know what the weather is like before they make plans. The speaker expresses their frustration at the obsession over weather, since they live in Detroit and don't need a snowmobile to go out or snowshoes. They encourage their mother to just warm up her car early and get to stepping.
The conversation between Courtney and Kimberly revolves around a difficult experience they had in the past. The speaker recalls a moment of rage where they said some heinous stuff to the other person. They remember the last time they got so angry was before their wedding day, which they refer to as them blacking out even though they were sober. The other speaker remembers the last time they had a difficult moment was at a Red Lobster and it was around the time the other speaker's son CJ was born. They remember the other speaker being exhausted, having not slept in 45 days, and feeling like a mama ape. They joke about the other speaker being a shell of a woman at that time due to the lactation. The conversation ends with them recognizing the difficulty of their situation and giving each other props for making it through.
Kim and her sister grew up around their mother's diet culture in the late 80s and 90s. Their mother was from the South and valued a small size, which she passed on to her daughters. Kim and her sister developed a negative relationship with food, whereas their mother would shut down and not eat. On Kim's birthday at Red Lobster, Kim's mother mentioned something about the food Kim was eating, and Kim snapped back. This caused her mother to become defensive and throw a fit in the restaurant, leading her to leave Kim there without a ride home. Kim paid for the meal and then overtipped the waitress out of embarrassment. On her way out, Kim asked for a bag of Cheddar Bay Biscuits to go, which she ate in the Uber on her way home. Kim's story shows how generational patterns of diet culture and body image can be passed down, and how difficult it can be to break them.
TIMESTAMPS
0:00:02 Conversation on Living on the L Edge: Road to Recovery and Sobriety
0:02:21 Conversation on the Topic of Discussing the Weather
0:04:11 Conversation Between Kim and Colin on Past Conflict with Kim's Mother
0:06:05 Heading: Reflection on Generational Patterns of Diet Culture and the Impact on Food Relationships
0:10:15 "Exploring the Impact of Diet Culture and Family Dynamics"
0:12:03 Discussion on Family Dynamics and Disengagement
0:17:29 "Managing Expectations in Toxic Family Dynamics"
0:21:33 Heading: Setting Boundaries with Family and Re-Building Trust with Soberlink
0:25:40 Conversation on Family Dynamics and the Impact of Speaking Up
0:28:17 Heading: Navigating Family Dynamics: A Conversation with Kim and Courtney
0:32:12 Heading: Red Lobster Family Bonding Night
0:34:06 Topic: Family Dynamics and Boundaries
0:39:26 Conversation on Sharing Truth and Giving Back
0:41:25 Conversation between Kim and Leah on Parental Relationships and Too Silver Guide's Mocktail Menu
HIGHLIGHTS
And the family dynamic is tough. And you go back to the whole role, romanticizing about this family unit. Not saying that you can't if you didn't come from that, and if you come from a healthier family, not every family is 100% healthy, but if you come from a healthier family where there are boundaries from day one, then you're never going to have to romanticize about a family. And if you're romanticizing that this family dynamic can happen one day.
Well, you're on the outs because you're fucking up the pattern. You are making people stop in their tracks and have to look at themselves. That's where it gets hasty. And then, plus two, a lot of people who go through a healing process and get the clarity, nobody wants a part of it anymore because it's fucking exhausting. Or you have kids and are working full time, or you are working full time and have your own life. Whatever the situation may be, everybody has their level of busyness, and there's only so much they can take on per day where they don't go bad shit crazy.
And honestly, it's different for everybody. I know quite a few people who have had to use this or something like this to prove to their spouses and or family members that they are sober. This does not just affect the person who is the drinker. I mean, a lot of damage happens during your active addiction, and accountability needs to take place. And with this tool, you can show that. Let's make 2023 a memorable one.. Please visit www.soberlink.com sobervives to sign up and receive $50 off your device. The link is in the show notes. Check it out. If you do get this device, please feel free to reach out and let me know how it has helped you.
So much trust is lost during active addiction, and it can be hard to convince loved ones that things are different, that you're different. This is where soberlink can help. Soberlink's remote alcohol monitoring system is designed to help you sustain a sober lifestyle while rebuilding trust with loved ones small enough to fit in your purse or pocket and discreet enough to use in public. Soberlinked devices combine facial recognition, tamper detection, and real time results. So friends and family know instantly that you're sober and working towards your recovery goals.
You have to manage your expectations. And going into the other book I've plugged, I think, on the last show, but this one, adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, in that book, it states, like, okay, what do you want the outcome to be if you were talking to your mom or dad or sibling on the phone? What is the outcome of that conversation you want to be where you do have to manage the expectations? Is it to have a conversation and be like, okay, that was like, I talked to her today. It was nice.