.jpeg)
Sober Vibes Podcast
Welcome to Sober Vibes, where sobriety meets empowerment! Hosted by sober coach, author, and mom Courtney Andersen—who’s been thriving in her alcohol-free life since 8/18/2012—this podcast is your go-to space for real talk, proven strategies, and inspiring stories from women who are redefining what it means to live without alcohol.
Each week, Courtney dives deep into the topics that matter most—from conquering cravings and navigating social settings to rebuilding confidence and finding joy in sobriety. Whether you’re newly sober, in long-term recovery, or simply curious about alcohol-free living, Sober Vibes delivers the support, insights, resources, and encouragement you need.
Join a like-minded community and discover how sobriety can unlock a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling life. Don’t just quit drinking—have fun on this sobriety journey!
Sober Vibes Podcast
Healing Disordered Eating with Helen Bennett
Episode 228: Healing Disordered Eating with Helen Bennett
In episode 228 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Andersen welcomes Helen Bennett to the show, and they talk about disordered eating, food noise, and how to start your food freedom journey.
Helen shares her raw and personal journey from restrictive dieting at age 14, to a 20-year battle with bulimia, and ultimately to recovery and helping others heal their relationship with food. Helen Bennett specialises in helping women heal the root cause of overeating and feel real power & freedom around food again.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The shocking similarities between food issues and alcohol addiction
- Why “food noise” is so draining and how to quiet it
- How high-achievers and people-pleasers are especially vulnerable to disordered patterns
- The truth about restriction, moderation, and real food freedom
- Three practical tips to start your food freedom journey
Whether you're stuck in the binge-restrict cycle or just tired of thinking about food all day, this conversation offers hope, healing, and a new way forward.
Hope this episode helps you today.
Resources Mentioned:
To Connect with Helen:
Ready to thrive in your alcohol-free life? Sober Vibes: A Guide to Thriving in Your First Three Months Without Alcohol is your step-by-step guide to navigating early sobriety with confidence.
Thank you for listening! Help the show by Rating, Reviewing, and/or Subscribing to the Sober Vibes Podcast.
Connect w/ Courtney:
Instagram
Join the Sobriety Circle
Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes podcast. I am your host and Sober Coach, courtney Anderson. You are listening to episode 228. I have such an amazing conversation today for you with an amazing guest. Such an amazing conversation today for you with an amazing guest. Today I'm talking to Helen Bennett, and Helen is a food freedom coach who specializes in helping women heal the root cause of overeating and feel real power and freedom around food. Again, I will be introducing a lot more, as the show continues to go on, of experts when it comes to eating issues. So for many years I've talked about it, about the similarities with alcohol addiction and with eating disorders when it comes to the same cycle, and a lot of women usually have an eating disorder before they have a problem with alcohol. Okay, so I want to share more of these guests and this was a great first one. Like, I hate to say that this type of conversation excited me because with food it is so hard. It is so hard, but I just really enjoyed talking with Helen about this issue and I hope you enjoy this episode and that it helps you today.
Courtney Andersen:For me, food was always first. I have had this relationship with food since I was probably seven Okay, and it is one that is always a continuous work in progress. It's always, I just feel like it's always going to be that for me. Maybe I'm feeling like, though, it's getting better. It has gotten a lot better. I should say so. It's just that there's just sometimes cycles I say it in here where it's just like you want to eat your feelings right but then you feel bad after that. And lately, I have to say, in the last couple months, this last year, I've been working more of like this doesn't even feel good anymore, like why would I, if something was going on, take it on with myself? Now I'm in a point where I talk it out a lot more internally and always think how I'm going to feel the next day. But so the food thing for women and men, if you have this issue as well, that I hope one day it gets better for all of us, because you have to eat to live. Food is a constant, so especially nowadays as well.
Courtney Andersen:You were going to talk about food noise in this episode. So since that word in the past couple of years has been brought up more and more, especially with the use of GLP-1s, which it really is a thing, food noise is a thing right Again, I'll say it one more time. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I will put all of Helen's information in the show notes. Any resources I mentioned in this episode I will put in the show notes below, and she really then shares two tips to help you in your food freedom journey. And that's what she calls it, because that is what it is, and she even has experience with it herself of having to go through this process with her eating. So, as always, if you have not yet, please rate, review and subscribe to the show if you have found it valuable, and keep on trucking and kick ass out there. Hey, helen, welcome to the Sober Vibes podcast. I'm very excited to have you here today and talk about food.
Helen Bennett:I'm excited to be here, Courtney. We've just had a little chat and already I can feel we're going to have lots to talk about.
Courtney Andersen:Yes, we are. Why don't you start off on how you became a food freedom coach?
Helen Bennett:Perfect. So it's a long story, but I think the shortened version is when I was about 16, my relationship with food fell right off a cliff. In fact, it goes back further than that and I wouldn't be surprised if anybody who's been struggling with food would have a similar experience. Where it all began, now that I can see it, with dieting. So around about 14 years of age I went on very restrictive dieting protocol. First it was with a friend, just kind of to be her buddy, but then I quickly realized how, I don't know, it gave me a bit of a kick, it made me feel good, and then I started getting compliments about my body and all these good things.
Helen Bennett:And next thing, you know, two years later, and all these good things, and next thing, you know, two years later, I found myself overeating. I started binge eating and as a way to cope with that, I guess we could say, or mitigate the impact of that, I desperately started overexercising. I was already exercising heavily anyway to try and lose weight. And then one day I heard some friends talking about throwing up their food and I was shocked and horrified, but it probably was maybe a week later before I tried myself. I was just desperate, desperate to get rid of all the bad things I'd done with food. And that began a 20-year chronic disordered eating or eating disorder. I had bulimia for 20 years never diagnosed, but clearly that's what it was and crawled my way out of that with much support and help from many different places.
Helen Bennett:But in that journey of recovery I knew then I wanted to be a coach and I was inspired by a coach called Tommy Rosen. Do you know of him? No, I have not heard. Brilliant, okay, and he's fantastic. And I just thought this is what I want to do. And then, I don't know, was it six, seven years later? I started my journey, not expecting to work with people with food, didn't feel ready for that, but it seemed to find me. I was life coaching and I had all these clients come in struggling with food, and so I just shared with them what helped me, and that was it. That began the journey.
Courtney Andersen:Well, that's amazing that you are able to help other people, because this one, especially this one with food, it's a hard one because a lot of disordered eating, right, especially to of up until what, do you think, like the past maybe five to 10 years, of where that dieting culture is kind of phased its way out, right, and more of a body positivity came in. So for generations before these last five to 10 years, because I'm in it, I'm in the generation of dieting, I mean the dieting culture, I should say I've had issues with food since I was probably about seven, wow, and it's a hard one because you have to eat to live. So, like where, and especially too with again of what we're about to talk about with women, with eating, where there's the problem that eating sometimes is before alcohol problem. But where do you even begin on this, like, where do you even, how do you even help your clients with food freedom, I'm going to say because it's daily.
Helen Bennett:Yeah, we can't go cold turkey, we can't quit it, and everybody wishes they could.
Courtney Andersen:That's what I'm saying.
Helen Bennett:If I could just stop eating. I would do anything to be able to just stop eating.
Courtney Andersen:That's what I'm saying. If I could just stop eating, I would do anything to be able to just stop eating. Right, and there's so much in, like I said, with specific generations, with that diet culture. So then you have a cookie and then you start shaming yourself. You know what I mean. So it's just like there's so many layers to this conversation when it comes to eating.
Helen Bennett:So where do you start? The first place we start is getting clear on what somebody wants. So what does freedom mean to them? And usually it will look something like if they can just wave that magic wand, because a lot of people don't even believe this is possible, so they don't really allow themselves to listen to what they really want. But if they're honest with themselves and this is what happened to me I remember sitting on my bed one day and going I just want to eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full and not think about it all day in between. And when we get that kind of answer, then I know, okay, I can help with that. So that's where we start is identifying what is it we want.
Helen Bennett:So if I take it back to my own journey, as I said that to myself, I realized I was doing everything, but what I just told myself I wanted because I was restricting, I was. I didn't call it intermittent fasting, I hadn't heard of it at that stage. I was holding off eating, I was trying to control, I'd been calorie counting. I tried everything but eating when I was hungry and then stopping when I was full, which took a lot longer to learn as I went on my own journey with this, because that fullness signal can be really hard to hear at first and that's okay. But I realized I had been ignoring hunger, forcing hunger, controlling hunger, trying to eliminate hunger. I'd tried everything but actually what I wanted, and then the not thinking about it all the time in between.
Helen Bennett:That was also part of the skills that I teach someone. But of course, as you've identified, it goes so much deeper than that no-transcript bit. Further than that. It's feeling trust around food, not feeling that guilt and shame. But everybody's got their own idea of what freedom means to them, but sometimes just not having so much chaotic overeating to them feels like freedom compared to where they've come from.
Courtney Andersen:Right, right. So what's the difference between restriction, moderation and freedom, Like where, yeah? I love when you put it down, because, again, that it can kind of, because, like what we talked about with food and especially to alcohol, this is a very similar. What we talked about with food and especially to alcohol, this is a very similar, it's very parallel and it's very similar. It's a very similar mental journey.
Helen Bennett:I believe, and I think, if somebody's come, from, because a few years ago I did a podcast with a chap called Sober Dave and that's where I started to realize, wow, there's this big crossover between the two. Yes, huge. And then people reached out to me who had stopped drinking or stopped smoking, or both, yeah, and just couldn't seem to apply those same things to food. Yeah, and this is, I think, why this question is so great, because if we've come at this with a AA or whatever it is that kind of mindset, there's a few things that can trip us up there, and one of them is this idea of cutting something out completely or sort of having a perfect track record from zero and it always being perfect every day. And then the other one is the concept of moderation, that it's sort of come in as well. So it's a super interesting question because restriction I think restriction is anything when we've gone so we're trying to stop ourselves eating to the point at which we're not getting enough nutrition in and it feels tight and it feels forced and we're going up against hunger and all our primal survival urges to eat. Moderation is a little bit more nuanced, but it's actually a form of restriction when it comes to food. We say I just want to portion control, I just want to have sort of control over it but know when to stop, not have too much of anything. And actually that's a very subtle moderation because the body's still hearing you're not allowed, yeah. And the body hears that after years, if not decades, of dieting, a lot of men and women have tried everything under the sun and they've restricted heavily in all sorts of different ways. And I think what happens is the body embodies that. It is kind of trauma. And if you even think of moderation or think I'm just going to portion control, I'm just going to try and stop you, oh, the backlash of that can turn into some nasty overeating and binge eating in some cases.
Helen Bennett:So freedom isn't moderation, freedom isn't having to try, freedom is just you're not worried about it. You wake up, you know that you'll be able to listen to your hunger, stop and get on with it. There's not a sort of planning required or a sense of oh, that was too much or that was too little. Add on to that is well what happens when we overeat, because a lot of people worry oh, does freedom mean that I'm just going to start eating and never stop? It's a freedom of choice as well. It's a freedom to listen and hear those signals, but to be able to make an empowered choice without it feeling like denial.
Helen Bennett:And when we're actually full and we've done all this other work around the shame and the guilt and the diet culture, head worms and all of it then there's peace in fullness. It's easier to stop when we just feel calm and satisfied. So freedom is not about just eating whatever you want. It's about eating what your body's asking for and having that beautiful ability to hear that little switch off signal that goes oh, we're safe now, we're good, we're satisfied. And then stop, yeah, and getting so good at that that it just becomes automatic that you're not having to think, oh, I shouldn't eat more, I should moderate, I just need to control this. It's just easy. It's not something you think about, it's automagical.
Courtney Andersen:Right. So your approach, if I'm hearing this correctly, is more about intuitive eating.
Helen Bennett:Oh, it's very much aligned with intuitive eating, very much the principles of intuitive eating are. In fact, I didn't discover intuitive eating until I was well into my journey, and I remember reading the book thinking, oh, this explains it all.
Courtney Andersen:What's the name of the book?
Helen Bennett:The book is actually called Intuitive Eating by the two ladies who created the concept, although clearly this is something that many people had stumbled across in their own way, but they labeled it intuitive eating. I remember the one lady gosh she's wonderful. Dr Evelyn Triboli Okay, wonderful, we'll listen to any of her podcasts and she'll just blow you away.
Courtney Andersen:All right. Well, I will link that book below, just in case somebody wants to get started in that sense. Also, too, with you, do you work with a woman's cycle? Because, again, a lot of these food studies were all done on men right Like exercise programs.
Courtney Andersen:It was all done. When I read a book I don't know why now I'm drawing the name of it I've said this book so many in the flow. Book. I don't know why now I'm drawing the name of it. I've said this book so many in the flow. About your second cycles that was also another one where it was very much like eating foods with each phase of your cycle to really and going back to intuitive eating. When you're around on your period it's like you crave stuff that's warmer, like soups and all of that stuff. So do you focus too on that with a client of helping them with their cycle?
Helen Bennett:Absolutely so. The first thing we do is begin reconnecting with our body signals, starting with hunger and fullness, but we might move into sleep or joyful movement how does my body like to move? And inevitably, what we end up working through are noticing the patterns of the cycles and how that impacts our food. But what I try to do is just take away all the things we think we know about it and really try and listen to the body. So it's an inside out journey, and then the things we learn in the media or through nutritionists or whatever the case may be. We can go, oh, that's interesting, that applies to me, or oh, no, that doesn't apply to me at all, because what's interesting about the cycles is the point. I think what you've just pulled out is that it changes.
Courtney Andersen:Yes.
Helen Bennett:And we are also by individual that it'll be different for everybody. Yes, but what you invariably find in this lovely sort of patterned way is that there's times of the month, usually around about a period, where we're more hungry, and then there's equally and this is what people never think about there's equally a good three or four days, maybe more, not hungry at all, just barely even thinking about it, or it's not coming up. Not hunger hunger, I mean mean tummy hunger. We might be feeling non-hunger urges and we can get into that and that's all coming from the thinking and the emotional and the all of the other stuff that we have to work on. But when we start getting in tune with our body, it's so cool as clients because I ask them to track their periods and just to notice, and maybe not initially, sometimes we only bring that in a bit later. First we're just trying to get them keyed into their tummy again, and then over time they start going oh, I've seen this thing. There's these three days here where I'm usually extra hungry, and there's these three days here I'm not hungry at all. So then that extra hunger doesn't feel so scary Because we've come from this rigid idea of calorie counting where we're like machines that just need exactly the same calories each day, independent of our cycles or the weather or how much stress we're under, because this is the other cycle. That's so cool to see and we'll be seeing it now because we're changing season.
Helen Bennett:As we move into summer, hunger naturally shifts. What we choose to eat naturally shifts. Same thing happens in winter. We like it in summer if we come from diet culture, because now we're feeling light and we actually want to eat a salad and that's supposedly healthy I'm using air quotes but in winter it can be really scary because suddenly we want heavier, richer meals, creamy potatoes, that kind of thing and we get so scared. But of course, it's so obvious what our body's trying to do. It's like what the cold's coming folks, let's get a little bit more fat on board. But in summer it's like whoa, we've got to release this now and we start to get to see those shifts and it's so lovely as we begin to trust our body's not trying to destroy us. Our body's actually trying to do its best within all these rhythms and cycles and, particularly for women, we're so attuned to it all.
Courtney Andersen:Yes, and that is something that when I got sober because I had to start tracking my I never tracked my period before that, but like something I had to start doing when I was trying to conceive. So once I started tracking my period, it honestly it was such a game changer also too, of just the fact of I could tell when my anxiety kicked in, right, it was the inducing of anxiety before or after my period, right. So then it was like, okay, I'm not fucking crazy. Like I now know, like this is now just part of my cycle and I know I'm going to have increased anxiety and that it's not like, oh my God, this is because I'm sober, right. Like this is just me and the cycle that I was blessed with. Because I know people think probably I'm crazy for saying this, but like, when I don't get my period anymore, I'm going to be sad about that a little bit.
Helen Bennett:I love that you said that A book about the menstrual cycle actually was so informative of my relationship with food as well, because it made me really start to appreciate the rhythms and the attunement that you have to the moon, and so I came to love my period, where I used to hate it, but then I, like you, I'm trying to celebrate it Exactly, and I feel like, as the older I've gotten, but especially too with the blessing of being able to have a child, that really kind of changed a lot for me and that women are magical creatures.
Courtney Andersen:We're so lucky. We're so lucky. But being able to track and then the same thing Then, when I learned more about my cycle and understanding that increased hunger before my period, it was no longer shaming myself of being like again saying Helen, we swear on this podcast, like what the fuck is wrong with you, why are you so hungry? Because that had been my thoughts for so long that it was like no, I need to tune into this and like I need the increased calories specifically around this time.
Helen Bennett:Yeah.
Courtney Andersen:Okay, this is, and I just thought of this as we were talking about it Do you deal with a lot of clients that talk about food noise? Because within the past couple of years, with GLP-1s, this is now medical weight loss, this is now. This is a topic of conversation. So do you deal with clients with food noise?
Helen Bennett:Oh my gosh. Almost everybody comes in talking about how they just feel like they're thinking about food, from the minute they get up to the minute they go to bed.
Courtney Andersen:Yes.
Helen Bennett:Yeah, and one of the parts of freedom is not having the food noise Now you've got a lot of mental bandwidth for other stuff, yeah, but that obsession to cut to the chase there, that would be almost always connected to the rules and the regulations that we had through diet culture and all the feeling of I shouldn't eat that and I should eat that, and then paired with the relentless bombardment of the latest nutritional guru who's telling us what we should and shouldn't eat, and like constantly repeating the message in the media that our bodies cannot be trusted and we need to take back control, and it's just making it worse. But I think the thing I think people think oh, people with disordered eating, particularly if they're overweight, if they've overeaten a lot and it's showing up on their bodies as excess weight gain, there's a stigma that they're lazy or they just don't try or they're greedy. And sadly, these incredible people are like doubling down on the very thing that's probably causing more of the overeating which is the restriction and with that comes a sense.
Helen Bennett:Oh, I had a client the other day who said to me if I just put sugar in my mouth I feel guilty, regardless of what his tummy is asking for, regardless of how many hours of exercise he's just done or anything like that. It's just that immediate. That thing is associated with shame. Any wonder. Then we become just obsessed, not in a way we planned or chose, but because we're trying so desperately to do the quote, unquote right thing. And then if we eat anything that's not in alignment with whatever rules we've given us, the mental chaos that erupts and the self-flagellation how bad we are and I've got to try harder, and all of those things. It's exhausting.
Helen Bennett:People come in exhausted by the food noise. It's the food and weight noise. They're thinking usually about those two things together and they just don't want to think about it anymore. They don't want to be worrying all the time about how they look and what they look like in the photographs and whether they should eat that cookie. And who's thinking of it when they eat that cookie? Will they think that they don't have control and will they think that they're lazy?
Courtney Andersen:It's exhausting, it's totally exhausting. So what are some underlining issues for people with this compulsion right Like? What are some underlining issues that people then need to start working on?
Helen Bennett:So let's assume that we're getting them reconnected with their true hunger and true signals again and they're getting really good at honoring those. That takes quite a bit of practice on its own. Now we're actually eating and nourishing our bodies according to our hunger and according to the nutrients our bodies after, and what's so cool about that just as an aside is that could scare a lot of people, but when you try it, what is amazing is when I do what I call a tummy check-in with a client for the first time and we really try and tune into what our tummies want 99.9, I've only had one exception to this and I have to assume it was because the body wanted it that day but 99.9% of the time what comes up when we actually tune in is what we probably would have called healthy food, usually really balanced, totally whole foods almost all the time, and just it's very rare that when somebody's really tuning in that they get I need three pizzas and a burger and a bag of it. It's just amazing. So they get surprised and excited by that that their body's really quite good at this top of eating. And then we have to go okay, right, let's look at the non-hunger eating that's going on. So we always want to honor that hunger. And then let's look at the non-hunger eating and that's where we start digging into and we've already started talking a bit about this.
Helen Bennett:Firstly, usually the mental storm, the food noise. A lot of that is just rules that are coming up again, but it's also going into shame and guilt and that spirals into I'm not enough. And then we start digging out all the beliefs they've got about themselves, because oftentimes, if anybody's listening struggling with food, what you might notice is that we think the food is the trigger. Oh, it's the sweets that I've got in the house. But more often than not, when you start to watch and notice you go oh, my goodness, actually it's the thinking I've got that's triggering the binge Things like, or the overeating things like the thought of I've ruined it, so I may as well just finish it all. So that's a simple one. But then it can go as deep as yeah, you're greedy, lazy, good for nothing, useless, disgusting, and those thoughts create so much emotional pain in us that we reach for food to comfort.
Courtney Andersen:Yeah.
Helen Bennett:And that's when we also do the second piece and this is the most important bit of the work. But that's the hardest, because this goes back the furthest usually to when the change in relationship with our food began, to the days where we started either overeating or dieting. And this goes into the emotional set point where we started to use food in a certain way to regulate our emotion, from comforting ourselves or finding connection and love where we weren't receiving it to releasing it. And sometimes we're using food to punish. Sometimes it's a release of anger, but we're turning it inwards because we're using food to punish. Sometimes it's a release of anger, but we're turning it inwards because we didn't feel it was safe to let our anger out at the people with whom we were angry or frustrated or enraged. So we turn it in and we started to blame ourselves. And so all that energy, that emotional energy, instead of being released in a really healthy, appropriate way, ends up being turned in on us and food just becomes the tool that we've punished ourselves with or released that anger. And particularly in my case, as somebody who struggled with purging as well as and actually even the over-exercising in many ways was a release of that emotional energy.
Helen Bennett:It would often come with a much like we might scream or cry or wail, and so a lot of emotions that maybe we felt we weren't allowed to express. As women particularly, we're not meant to be greedy or bossy or angry, and in some families if you cried it was, I'll give you something to cry about. Put those tears away. Put on a smiley face. Don't feel so sorry for yourself. You're too sensitive.
Helen Bennett:So emotions we were taught when we were young. We weren't allowed. We've found ways to suppress them or navigate them or manage them with food. But also sometimes it's as simple as we didn't have unconditional love or comfort when we needed it and nobody to give us a hug when we needed one as a little boy or girl, and food became a comfort. So it's playing all these different roles so appropriately, and that emotional one is interesting because what the diet and the fitness industry will never tell you is that your emotional needs will dominate what you want for your body and your physique and your relationship with food every day. Imagine as I'm talking. I'm so intrigued. Courtney, there must be so much similarity here with the clients that you work with and the people that are listening to this podcast who struggle with alcohol.
Courtney Andersen:Yes, it's all of it and the majority of all of my one-on-one clients since I've been doing this since 2019, there was probably 90% of them it's always a food issue first and then goes to alcohol. But, yes, of all what you just said, it's like you just find that thing and what makes you feel, what can numb it out, right? So for a lot of people it's were not met in those years, right? Or if you had physical trauma, emotional trauma, it all goes back to that for the most part. Or at some point in later on down the years that you were trying to get an emotional need met, met and then you started with alcohol, right, yes? And then that habit Jumps, then becomes a problem because nobody starts eating and they're like I hope I have an eating problem later in their life. Same thing with drinking Nobody goes into it, being like I'm thinking that they're going to have a drinking problem down the road.
Courtney Andersen:You just don't, but you're using this in a way to again go back to the emotional needs. What you all said about the food thing, exactly needs. What you all said about the food thing, exactly how I used it and why I used it. It actually started because it goes back to my parents got divorced at seven and at that time, from that point on, there was never food in my mom's house. And then on the weekends there was never food in my mom's house.
Courtney Andersen:And then on the weekends there my dad supplied us like he would let me bake, right. So then I'm like, which was fine, it wasn't, like it was something for me to do over at his apartment. And then we got we would go to Blockbuster Video. God, I wish that place would come back. And then it was like I can get candy over there, right. So for many years I lived in a restricted right With no food and then binge. So for many years that's all I knew. And then I went into my alcohol addiction and then being hung over or being drunk. There was never a healthy relationship with food, because I was on that cycle right.
Courtney Andersen:So again, many years of trying to heal this relationship with food, and I was getting there, and then the world shut down in 2020.
Helen Bennett:That was either the best thing for people with a troubled relationship with food or the worst.
Courtney Andersen:Yeah, so like from about 33 up until what was I like 37.
Courtney Andersen:When that happened it was like, okay, I was getting into the groove and then that happened, and then it's like I started eating like a five-year-old, when you went to the grocery store, all that was left was stuff like that and it was like, okay, when that first wave of stuff shutting down. I remember going to the grocery store and leaving and crying and being like and spending $300 just on bullshit Because I'm like what is happening here and what if this gets worse? And this is, I'm eating ho, ho-ho. I have no idea what a ho-ho is, but it sounds terrible.
Helen Bennett:Yeah, like, just like, a like a little it's like a little cupcake, okay, a hosted, yeah, all right copy okay.
Courtney Andersen:I got it yeah and then and then from then and then I had my son at 38 and then that first year of motherhood I would remember some days of just like if there were days where he would cry, he got into a colicky phase Like I would go to the cabinets and my husband's a big fan of Reese's peanut butter cups and that's fine, I would, and they're delicious, but I would slam like four to five Reese's peanut butter cups and I remember being like four to five Reese's peanut butter cups.
Helen Bennett:And I remember being like I'm better. Oh, there it is. Isn't that lovely that release. That's what we're looking for.
Courtney Andersen:Yes. And then the same thing at a point in my journey. Then, too, I had gained 50 pounds with I call my son the dictator on air, but I've gained 50 pounds with that. Previous to that, I was 20 pounds heavier because of 2020. So 70 pounds on my frame, and in those first couple of years it's like then I was miserable and then went again into the shaming of like what is wrong and then trying and nothing was happening because, also, too, my core's all spiked. And then now, in the past year of again starting to take care of myself and re-heal that relationship with food right and just, and looking at it more of a thing of being for myself, of using food for fuel right, allowing myself because I'm with when it comes to food like that, it's like I don't want to even say moderation. I don't even want to say that all foods are bad for you. I don't, because it goes back on that intuitive eating, like if you need a cupcake and that is what your body is craving.
Helen Bennett:Yeah, it's the best thing you can have.
Courtney Andersen:You can have it right, Because you have to start giving yourself some grace and being like, stop the madness in your head and working through that process.
Helen Bennett:Yeah, yeah. I'm so glad you mentioned that because it's hard to imagine for anybody struggling, and if you told me I don't know 15 years ago, maybe even 10 years ago, that I'd be able to have all these foods that used to be so hard to resist.
Courtney Andersen:Yeah.
Helen Bennett:Say the Reese's Pieces kind of thing. You know those that.
Helen Bennett:If that had been in the house. That was gone. Yeah, it had to be gone because I couldn't bear the food noise, because I was always thinking about it, because I'd be so restricted food noise, because I was always thinking about it, because I'd be so restricted, yeah, and told it was bad and I was probably hungry, to be honest too, but that food had to be gone. I just couldn't bear, I couldn't sit. Still, it would call to me to if you told me it was possible. See this, oh, this is what's so lovely about food as opposed to alcohol, from my understanding, because we hear words like food is addictive or there's certain foods that are addictive.
Helen Bennett:we can make the mistake of thinking that we have to go completely cold turkey out then. But in my experience, most of the clients that I work with maybe with some very small exceptions, in very specific ways, but most people will come in and they'll say I'm addicted to sugar. I'm addicted or I can't stop. Once I start eating chocolate, I can't stop. And they can absolutely get to the point where right now, like I and I couldn't have believed this was possible can have those foods in the house. I'm hungry, I'll eat them if that's what I want, if that's what my tummy wants.
Helen Bennett:Or maybe I just want to indulge and enjoy the flavor and move on with my day. Because you know what, if I have a ho-ho I can't get enough of that word then I'm going to probably just be a little bit fuller for longer, or I'm going to have more energy later, or maybe I'll find myself with more mental energy. Our bodies are so clever. When we do over-consume, when we go beyond our fullness, or when we eat something that's maybe not ideal, but it tasted great at the time and we savored it and enjoyed it, our body's brilliant. It'll find ways to make sense of that. Maybe we sleep a bit longer or we just awake a bit more, but it's so lovely as you start to see. Oh, my body knew exactly what to do with that. So we're not saying, oh, junk food or processed food is good for you. We're not saying that Obviously there's some health impacts to those foods, particularly if they're over consumed. But when we're listening to our bodies, we can create a really peaceful relationship with them. Where there's no requisite, I should only have one. Because where there's no requisite, I should only have one, because, again, we've tuned in. And when we oh, this is the best bit of starting to tune into that hunger is.
Helen Bennett:We notice that the longer somebody's doing that work of listening to their tummy's hunger and really trying to honor what the tummy asks for, regardless of what it is, those foods start to become less enjoyable. It's so weird. I don't know what's going on. I don't know the science behind this, but I see it every time and over time people come and say, yeah, I had some chocolate, but it was just a bit meh, so it's not.
Helen Bennett:Oh, I'm trying to stop myself. It becomes no, I didn't enjoy that at all and it's so authentic, it's not restrictive. We hear people say that, but they're just trying to stop themselves. It's actually when it comes from the inside and you can hear they just think oh no, I couldn't be fussed with that because I didn't enjoy it the last time I ate it. And it's interesting that the longer they do this work, all of those foods just start to become. You could have them in the house because they just don't call to you, because you wouldn't necessarily choose them if you could have an alternative. But, as you said, if you need one, your tummy's calling for some chocolate or something and you can hear it's tummy hunger.
Courtney Andersen:eat it, because you're going to get that satisfaction, then you can move on Right, right. Yeah, it's kind of the same thing too with alcohol. When it's like, especially when people, a lot of people, who say they're going to quit drinking it's not right off that first time they say it, and I'm sure you've seen this with clients too, where this is a process, this is a lot of years on unwiring your brain right and creating new relationships and whatnot. It's the same thing for alcohol, no-transcript, like it has taken me three days now to recover because you're not putting that into your body anymore. And it's the same thing when you start eating foods that don't really agree with you and I mean after 40, all of this stuff changes too With foods agreeing with you, like why are you going to keep eating stuff that gives you heartburn, right, or like, or migraines, or just where you're or where maybe you were just on the toilet all the next day, like what fun is that anymore?
Helen Bennett:And.
Courtney Andersen:I think, as people get older and start healing their relationship within themselves, right that it's not fun anymore to put this stuff into your body that makes you feel like garbage.
Helen Bennett:Yes, and, as you said, like as you're doing all the other work, that rewiring, that takes time. I love that you've said as well. It's a process, it's not an overnight thing, and particularly with food, because we can't cut it out, because we have no capacity to cut it out, oh my gosh, there'll be so many mistakes, so many overeating moments, so many little blowouts. But what we do with this work because we can't put it down is, I mean, I'm sort of psychotically excited when somebody has a bit of a blowout, because it means something really important was underneath that yes, that we can heal, and that's all it ever means is, oh, there's emotion that we've still got to work on healing or regulating, or there's a belief there that really tripped you up, or something said some, somebody said something. You just know how to put down a boundary or say no and stand up for yourself, or whatever it is.
Helen Bennett:But when somebody's overeaten, it always means there's something that needs work. And I've just thought of something that's actually so important to this conversation. So we work on connecting with hunger, we work with the mental. What are the beliefs, what are the stories that are tripping us up? We work on the emotional, but there's one that I now focus on almost more than the others, initially, and that's getting us some damn rest, because the women that reach out, the women who seem to struggle and men with overeating, are absolutely chronically exhausted because they are just doing everything for everybody else. They cannot put themselves first. It doesn't feel safe to put themselves first, and if they rest they call themselves lazy and they're actually exhausted.
Courtney Andersen:Well, listen, sometimes my clients they might get sick of me saying it, but I'm like rest, go to bed. Go to bed, shut your brain up, get your ass into bed at 7pm if you can. If you need to put the kids down early, put them down early. Get to sleep Because, two, your body is going through a detox period, right, like with quitting drinking alcohol. But it's not just that, it's the years of hustling the way that people have right for so long, and you get to this point where you're just mentally exhausted Because and this is as we talk about it you are describing high achievers, you are describing people pleasers cast right, and isn't it fucked up that there's so many more of these people out there than there are not? If you look at your client roster and the people that you help, I'm sure it's all of that.
Helen Bennett:Oh no, everybody fits that exact description.
Courtney Andersen:Yes, and that people there's so many people who came from families where their emotional needs were not met.
Helen Bennett:Yeah, tons, yes, mind-blowing. It is mind-blowing. I mean, this is the big thing Once we become, once we do this work forces, because otherwise we'll just addiction jump. If we're not doing the work to heal the deeper wounds, to deal with those stories, the beliefs, all the self-loathing and the self-criticism and the inability to regulate and comfort ourselves in ways that are appropriate, if we're not doing that, it'll just jump to something new, which is what you've said. But it's interesting, isn't it?
Helen Bennett:I always find what makes people pleasers. Specifically, I don't know a single client that I've worked with who wouldn't define themselves as a people pleaser, and one of the things that I came to was I think a people pleaser is somebody who has realized at a very young age that they can't be themselves, and certainly in the way we're talking about, in terms of expressing certain emotions that could potentially, if we express them, lead to a kind of rejection or abandonment from one of our caregivers. And so we tend to just be quietly alone with all of these emotions and because the body's got to figure out a way to deal with it, it does. We start, maybe we dive into books or we become obsessed with the boy band For me it was New Kids on the Block Anything to regulate and to experience love, connection, all those things and then it was things like cutting and then slowly became binge eating and bulimia. We have these sort of really healthy ways that we stumble into to cope and unhealthy ways. But we have these sort of really healthy ways that we stumble into to cope and unhealthy ways.
Helen Bennett:But what's interesting about overeaters and people pleasing? Specifically the correlation there and maybe this would also correlate with the quiet, silent, functional, alcoholic type personality where the destruction is turned inwards in a way that couldn't negatively impact anybody else until it does. So eating is interesting because I don't really have clients who reach out who've maybe struggled with I don't know how to define this but like the kind of addictions that are wild, I don't have people reach out to me who became the kind of addicts that were aggressive and drove drunk and that's kind of wild. The way we see it in the movies. It tends to be quiet, silent, secretive, because that way they can experience all they need to do or hurt themselves in a way that doesn't impact anybody else until it gets so bad that it does.
Courtney Andersen:Self-sabotage.
Helen Bennett:Yeah, well, it's interesting that because my frame on self-sabotage is we never self-sabotage, we're always meeting our needs. It looks like self-sabotage is we never self-sabotage, we're always meeting our needs. It looks like self-sabotage because you think why would we do that, why would I put that in my body? But actually there's this deeper need begging, begging, please, please. I need to be seen experience. And sometimes it's just rest, like we were just saying like just get to bed, just go to bed. And sometimes it goes much deeper than that.
Courtney Andersen:Yeah, take a nap. Take a nap If you can like, even if you can't nap, lay in your bed and just stare up at the ceiling. I mean, I call this thing towel time after I get out of the shower, and I used to be able to do it a lot more before the little dictator came along. But like now, it's like take a shower, I get in my robe with the towel on my head and I just lay in my bed and sit up at the ceiling and it is so rejuvenating. I can't eat because it's like you just got back from a spa of some sorts and it's great.
Helen Bennett:I love that. I love it, and I imagine that must be so hard to do for anybody who is not used to having time for themselves. Yeah, especially if they've got a little dictator of their own, or for you.
Courtney Andersen:But once you do it, once not even specifically that, but once you start taking the time to rest, for yourself, to rest, to rejuvenate, even if it's 30 minutes, before you then have to go from your nine to five to your five to nine, whatever that looks like, even if it's just 30 minutes. When you start doing that more and taking that time for yourself just to be quiet, not get on your phone, not do anything, it's going to be uncomfortable at first, but once you start doing that to protect your energy, you can start craving this stuff.
Helen Bennett:Yeah, gosh, it's so true, and it's such a game changer. The benefits are so worth it. Yeah, gosh, it's so true, and it's such a game changer, the benefits are so worth it. So it's first somebody might struggle even to find five minutes, but as they start to see the benefits of that and here's the thing, oh, this will be the same for alcohol I'm sure it's oftentimes the one moment in their day where they're getting a break yes, so actually they just really need a break but also where they're kind of doing something rebellious and playful for themselves, because everything else is to do, everything else is responsibility. And what we see is when I ask clients question like what do you do for fun, what do you do for play? Nothing, nothing. It's. It's almost like a oh scroll social media and then it, just because maybe it's just one of those rare moments in the day where that little rebel that's inside us that's going. I just want to not be doing something for everybody else for once.
Helen Bennett:Yeah, go start screaming and going I'm gonna get my play time and I'm gonna. I'm gonna override you and I'm gonna get you to walk and do something really bad whatever, but it's that one moment where there's a break in the workload, because often we oh, we've got to get good sleep and that's great, but sometimes it's just stepping outside and doing something silly or whatever. Everybody will be different Because, as a human being, we need play. We're not meant to be responsible, because I think we think of it as like I've got to work and then I eat a perfect meal and then I go to bed, and actually it's like, yes, we've got to work, perfect meal. And then I go to bed and actually it's like, yes, we've got to work, we've got to eat great food.
Helen Bennett:We've got to get good sleep, but we also have some time for play for just being silly and doing whatever the hell we want. It's got nothing to do with productivity. Yeah, because people say oh no, but I'll do meditation. No, that sounds like work to me Stop Right, right.
Courtney Andersen:Yeah, we're not meant it's robotic and we're not meant to be, we're not meant to be connected 24-7, right, so all of that, but I do think a lot more, and I think it's come in the past couple of years of just an awakening of people where it's like the people are starting to get it like I don't want to be connected 24-7. Like. This sounds like this is a nightmare, right, I don't want to share everything on social media, so I think there is more people tuning into disconnecting.
Helen Bennett:Yeah, disconnecting and letting go, yeah, frivolous and fun.
Courtney Andersen:Yes. So what are three tips to help someone who you know in their food journey?
Helen Bennett:food freedom journey.
Helen Bennett:The first thing I always, the first thing I always like to share I don't know if it's a tip, so much as just something to take on board if you can is oftentimes we come at it that when I can eat a certain way, when I can look a certain way, then I will love myself, then I'll be deserving of my own love and care and my own respect. And one of the things I just can't express enough is start now In South Africa because, you can hear, I'm South African by birth, though I live in Spain there's a phrase, futz-tutz, which is as is with all the patent and latent defects, and when you buy a house you buy it futz-tutz unless you don't, but usually you do. And I love this idea of trying and practicing and learning the art or the skill of accepting ourselves footstuts, so not waiting to be alcohol free or waiting to be have a great relationship with food and to feel that we are deserving of our own love and respect. It's not always love, but if we can just start with a little bit of enoughness and just keep trying to bring yourself back to that, I can respect even that. I'm on this journey and I'm doing this work today, even if it's all messy, because the fundamental what I see is you peel back the onion deeper and deeper.
Helen Bennett:As you do this work, we always get to one thing right at the middle, which is I'm not enough and I'm not lovable. Those two, it's sort of all part of the same thing. I'm not lovable, those two, it's sort of all part of the same thing. I'm not thin enough, sexy enough, whatever, smart enough enough and therefore I can't be loved. And the work requires that we begin to build and it's a build because it doesn't happen overnight the ability to love ourselves through all of it, through all the mess, because life will remain messy and there'll be better quality problems once we've changed our relationship with food and our ability to not self-reject and not self-abandon in the way we were abandoned, however that means for everybody is absolutely critical.
Helen Bennett:So I'll say that up front, because it's such an important part of the journey. But then just some practical things. Oh, there's so many, so many ways to go with this. Okay, the second one I'd probably actually know the second one's probably just gonna be get some rest, damn it please I think we've said so much no, keep saying it, keep saying it yeah start to try and prioritize you.
Helen Bennett:That'll be number two. So when you're doing this work, again, people pleases. Busy moms have a habit of sort of coming to the calls but not necessarily finding the time to put themselves first to do the work, to do the tummy check-ins, whatever. And it's such a necessity to carve out, no matter how hard it is time for you, because we cannot learn anything or change anything if we're not putting time and energy into it. And these are the things we're terribly deficient of when we come into them. That's why we're often using food to cope.
Helen Bennett:So actually, number two is start prioritizing this work and you. And maybe that looks like sleep, or maybe it looks like doing the homework, or because all of this is skills and drills and nobody would say, oh, I want to learn French, I'm just going to attend a class once a week and hope for the best. You have to practice it, which requires prioritizing it, right, right, I mean, you'd learn it just very slowly. So prioritizing you. And then the third one is just a really practical thing.
Helen Bennett:And this actually goes off our sabotage discussion, one of the most powerful questions, because most people will be able to start to hear maybe just after this they start suddenly hearing that difference between am I eating for hunger or am I non-hunger eating? So if it's non-hunger, you're not hungry, but you're eating anyway and you're actually able to catch it. The most powerful question you can ask and the answer will be perfect and blow you away is if food's not what I need, what do I need? And it's as simple as that, because if I'm not hungry, it's not food that I need, so food's not what I need. What do I need? And as you ask that question, it's astounding how that little intuition goes a rest, a break, a hug and it will give you exactly the answer.
Helen Bennett:And we're not always able to get it like if it's a hug yeah and it's the covid and we're all alone, yeah, but at least we're getting clear on what need food is trying to meet for us and we can be so much more compassionate with ourselves. So if somebody just wants to start somewhere, that's a great place. If they find themselves non-hunger eating, just ask if food's not what I need and listen and the first thing that comes in even if it's crazy, it's probably going to be it and then you just got to try and give yourself whatever you just heard.
Courtney Andersen:Right, right, I love it, I love it. Thank you so much for all of your wisdom. I really enjoyed this conversation. Where can people find you if they want to connect with you?
Helen Bennett:People can find me at helenbennettco, but actually there's an easier one. You can go to foodfreedomfoundationscom and that'll just link straight to my website because my name's a bit hard to spell. But otherwise I'm on all the socials at Coach Helen Bennett, Simple as that. Be lovely to connect.
Courtney Andersen:Okay, perfect. I will put all of your information in the show notes below, and thank you again. I really enjoyed this conversation.
Helen Bennett:Thank you, courtney, it was so lovely to chat to you, really really cool.
.jpg)
