A guide for Friends and Family: How to help a loved one with an addiction to Alcohol

In episode 235 of the Sober Vibes podcast, I share practical, compassionate advice for family and friends supporting a loved one in early sobriety and how to help loved ones with addiction to alcohol. 

Learn what to expect as your person navigates recovery, how to set healthy boundaries, and five powerful tips to protect your well-being along the way.

Whether you're a partner, sibling, friend, or parent, this episode will help you feel less alone and more empowered in your support role.

What you will learn in this episode:

• What it means when someone quits drinking
• 5 everyday things to expect in early sobriety
• How to avoid taking their behavior personally
• Tips to support them without enabling
• Why your healing is just as important

5 Key Takeaways for Loved Ones:

1. Educate yourself about alcohol use disorder
2. Set clear, guilt-free boundaries
3. Prioritize your emotional and mental well-being
4. Let go of control support, don’t fix
5. Celebrate progress, not perfection

Resources Mentioned: 

Codependent No More 

Set Boundaries Find Peace

You Can Heal Your Life

PODCAST SPONSOR:

This episode is sponsored by Soberlink, a trusted accountability tool for anyone navigating early recovery. Whether you're rebuilding trust with loved ones or simply want more structure in your sobriety, Soberlink offers a discreet and empowering way to stay on track.

Sober Vibes listeners get $50 off their device!
Grab your discount here!

Hope this episode helps you today!

Thank you for listening! Help the show by Rating, Reviewing, and/or Subscribing to the Sober Vibes Podcast.

Connect w/ Courtney:
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Chapters

• 0:31 Introduction for Loved Ones
• 8:54 Expectations in Early Sobriety
• 17:38 Supporting Without Controlling
• 26:21 Setting Healthy Boundaries
• 31:33 Managing Expectations and Celebrating Progress
• 36:32 Concluding Thoughts and Resources

Transcript

Courtney Andersen: 0:31

Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes podcast. I'm your host and sober coach, courtney Anderson, and I'm also your go-to guide with living a life without alcohol. You are listening to episode 235. Thank you so much for tuning in today. If you're new here, welcome. You're really going to have a great time. So today's episode, this actually isn't for you. If you are on a sober journey or if you're trying to quit drinking, this is for the loved ones.

Courtney Andersen: 1:01

I've wanted to do an episode about this for a long time and over the years, my mom brain totally forgot about it. Up until recently, I had a person reach out and ask me some questions and through the years, I've had loved ones reach out and be like how do I handle this? So, whether you are a spouse, a partner, a daughter, a mother, a sister, a niece, a nephew, whoever you are and you have a person who is suffering with addiction alcoholism on that, with alcoholism, there's adult alcohol use disorder. So alcoholism is in on that spectrum, because this is really how this is talked about nowadays, because this is really how this is talked about nowadays. With everyone's kind of level of drinking whether you're a gray area drinker, you're a binge drinker, you're an alcoholic. There is an issue with alcohol because it's highly, highly, highly, highly, highly addictive. So you probably, too, with a lot of people.

Courtney Andersen: 2:03

There is not a handbook okay, there is not really a handbook out there to be like this is how you deal with this person. There's not a lot of information. Slash resources okay, yes, there is. Al-anon is a great place to start, especially, too, with the episode I did a while back with Margie when we were talking about adult children of alcoholics. That's another great resource. But if you're a person who is, I don't really want to go and work those programs great, there's just, there's not a handbook out there to be like how exactly do I deal with the person? If there is, please send it my way, because I would love to promote that person who wrote it, and it's hard because people don't know how to handle a loved one. So, again, this episode is for you and you might have felt helpless, angry, totally burned out and completely overwhelmed. I get it. Okay, not only did I have a problem with the sauce, I have also been a person who has dealt with family members with addiction issues and friends with addiction issues, and I still have friends to this day who have issues, and it's quite sad, right. I just want you to know, though, that you're not alone on this, because this can feel very lonely for the loved ones. I'm going to say this before I get started I did poll my audience and asking them what you would want to hear, and, honestly, there was just one reoccurring theme, and I hope I don't sound like a I don't want to sound like a dick when it comes to this.

Courtney Andersen: 3:47

There was one reoccurring theme, but some of the stuff I was getting back, it's okay. It was getting a little defensive, and this is about our loved ones. This isn't about us, but the one recurring theme is of what a lot of people were saying was like, just be patient and don't be in. You can't judge. I will get into that whole judging thing and a little bit Okay, because it can come off that way, but this is, again, more about about the loved one than it is about, I'm just going to say, the addict, the person who has the issue, than it is about. I'm just going to say the addict, the person who has the issue, because it can get a little rough there, and that's what I was seeing in the comments, and this is not about us, this is about them. Okay, so if someone you love is struggling with alcohol, it's okay. If you don't know how to handle it, you weren't born into being like, oh cool, I'm going to be the mother of a daughter who has, who is struggling with alcohol, or insert whatever drug choice you want to with this episode, because it's still going to be the same for pretty much everything. Okay, this drinking problem just doesn't affect the person drinking. It affects the entire world around them. It shifts dynamics and relationships, can create a lot of chaos and it leaves the loved ones feeling like they're walking on eggshells. Okay, and one of the most painful things feeling like the person you love is choosing alcohol over you.

Courtney Andersen: 5:24

I have said many times if you've been a listener here, the best apology is changed behavior. Even if you're like, if you're listening, because you're like well, courtney, I want to hear your ting, how this? Even if you are listening and you are like what's the point of me getting sober? The damage is done. My kids are older and I will tell you this and I've said it before If people were to have stopped drinking and there's changed behavior, I really do think that people can get over it.

Courtney Andersen: 5:52

I would have liked that for a situation right. So as long as you're showing changed behavior and working on it, I do believe. I do believe in the heart of the human body, the human soul, I should say, is that forgiveness is really kind of at the core of all of us. Unless you're some type of hateful prick, then just skip over this whole podcast. If you're a hateful prick, stop listening. So, so, change behavior is gold, okay, and so I know that feeling of when somebody chooses booze over you.

Courtney Andersen: 6:30

Okay, when someone is caught in the cycle of drinking, it's not about choosing alcohol over people or responsibilities or love. It's about compulsive shame, emotional pain and a lot of trauma or whatever type of emotional trauma or physical trauma they've had in their lives. And even as a loved one, you think that you want to dismiss it and be like well, that didn't happen. Listen to me, at some point you have to say to this as well, especially with family units and if you're a mother or a father and you have a child who has a problem, or reverse, everybody has their own truth, everybody has their own opinion and the way they saw it, what they lived through. So for a lot of people. That's where it's hard and frustrating for them, but you have to remember that, okay. So alcohol becomes the thing they reach for to soothe or numb all of that. It's not personal, even though it feels super personal, because at a point you have to realize that, whoever that person in there that you once loved and still do that, they are clouded man and that they are not thinking clearly. And even though you know that you could think more clearly for them and see what's best for them, they have to get to that point themselves. But just know that that person you love, yes, they are still in there, but they are very, very, very clouded in their judgment.

Courtney Andersen: 8:01

Currently, addiction changes people, and this is not to excuse bad behavior. I would never do that, because I do. I'm a firm believer in taking accountability. I'm saying it so you can stop blaming yourself if you feel like you were the problem. Okay, you didn't cause this. You can't cure it, but you can understand this better and you can make choices that protect your own peace while still caring deeply. A lot of my clients and people I help. I often tell them to protect their energy okay, especially from people that trigger them. People play these things right. And now you, as the loved one, you have to do that same thing of protecting your energy.

Courtney Andersen: 8:46

So what to expect when they start sobriety? So let's say your loved one is getting sober or thinking about it, or maybe they've been on and off for a while. What can you expect? And here are five things I wanted to share with you. Number one early sobriety is emotional AF. It is going to. It's a roller coaster. Okay, people think quitting alcohol is just about not drinking, and that is not the case. What really happens is everything you've been numbing comes to the surface. It's almost like a pressure cooker. Okay, that means the tears are going to come up. Irritability, mood swings, anxiety. Right, it can be a roller coaster, as I said, and it's not pretty, but this is normal. This is normal.

Courtney Andersen: 9:34

I mean again that first year I cried every day. Right, there was, I would lash out at poor Matthew. It's not funny. It's terrible that I still laugh at some of the things that I say, but I can do that in almost 13 years. You know what I'm going to bring up. One thing I said to him today and see if he laughs, and I'll get back to you guys next week. This isn't funny, okay. So if they say something to you early on in those first couple months, I need you to try to not take it personally. I know it's easier said than done, but truly, truly, truly true. I remember when I think Kim was in the beginning of her getting sober Kim's my sister and she one time told me she didn't trust me. I was like, bitch, what are you talking about? But I had to get over that and to not take it personal because of where she was at. And then I brought it up to her later she was like well, I was just mad at you for something and it's. There's some immaturity still in that.

Courtney Andersen: 10:35

Sobriety, because you have to think, you have to understand this is when a person is in their active state of addiction. It often is the maturity level that they started the act of, so, let's say, drinking Okay. So for me, very much of I was caught in a 19-year-old's maturity level at 29 when I quit, and it took me a long time to realize that. So you just sometimes remember that you are not dealing with a 30, 40, 50-year-old person. You're dealing with this past, younger version and that maturity level that's in there of when they started drinking. Number two, sobriety isn't linear. Okay, I wish I could tell you that once somebody decides to quit drinking, that that's it, and it's just not the case Statistically. Statistically, with the numbers, people who are numbers people it is 80% of people who enter this. When they try to quit the first time will relapse, they will slip. It will take them a couple years to do it. I did it. And there is a. If you look up the percentages rates of people getting out of rehab because you could be pissed too of being like I spent a lot of money on this person going to rehab the statistics are low of people continuing their sobriety after that. Same thing, for I'm sure there is that I'm not going to tell you. Everybody I've coached has stayed sober because I know that they have it. So that's the truth that none of these things can provide you with a 100% guarantee that this person is going to be sober once they start this process for the rest of their lives. There's so much that comes into this and a lot is what you have to understand is society, how drinking is viewed. Look at your relationship, especially if you're a parent, and I'm only going to bring up two things here. Okay, you have to look, too, at being a loved one, even a spouse. Okay, because there's a lot of spouses who enable each other and are drinking partners. You have to look of okay, what did I play? What part did I play into this? Did I enable this person, did I become their drinking buddy? Growing up? How did they view alcohol? How did I show alcohol to them? That is what you have to. That is the only thing I'm going to tell you to take responsibility for, of like, how did you show up in this process with this person? Okay, what role did you take? Because it's not all again. Yes, the person with the problem. Okay, there's a lot of. They bring a lot to the table. I don't want to necessarily say it's their fault, but they have a lot of accountability of their actions, of what they've brought. Okay, and again, though, that they are sick at this time, but, on the other hand, it's again. You have to be like what did I do to keep enabling the situation to where it is currently at, and in sobriety? Why is it linear? Again, there's slips, relapses, doubt starting over, but it doesn't mean that they're not serious about getting sober. Again, it goes back to being a human being. And now, as I record this in 2025, I mean the world is happy, right. And, as I said, you have to now look at how alcohol is presented in the society. It is everywhere. It is everywhere. You see it in the movies, you read about it in books. I mean, I just got done a great book and I need to recommend it to the sobriety circle, but I have to do a little pre-warning, like there's drugs and alcohol in this, a little pre-warning like there's drugs and alcohol in this. I mean, it is everywhere and it's something especially with alcohol that has been okayed. And then it's all because it's a very manipulative industry, very gaslighting of just drink responsibly and then people get pissed when you don't, because, again, it's a very, very highly addictive substance that is accepted worldwide and you need to drink responsibly. It doesn't work that way anymore. It never did, actually Never did. And let me plug this one, because I do it in a lot of my episodes, just because I want the loved ones to understand how even though, if you were a drinker and, yes, you don't have a problem I want you to see how alcohol is viewed in this world. So I want you to find on Amazon, it's on PBS and it is the documentary Prohibition and just it's the explanation of alcohol, how alcohol came in this country, that people have been having drinking issues from the get and how big alcohol was formed. Okay, so even if to look at how market, how alcohol is marketed towards us, especially towards women, so they should really be ashamed of themselves. That's a different, that's a different episode. Really be ashamed of themselves, that's a different episode. For long-time listeners, they know my disgust with that industry. So just know it's not going to be a straight line, it's not. And if you have a person where it is a straight line amazing, amazing, number three they might pull away. Sometimes in early sobriety. People need space. Okay, they're trying to figure out who they are without alcohol and that can feel really, really vulnerable. And I'm going to tell you that that first year, those first year, that first year in particular, but you've got to understand those first three months are very vulnerable and it's even too. It's just the sensitivity is going to come out because people are not bottling their emotions and they have to get their nervous system leveled out and to whatever damage a person did to their brain, it you, they have to, they have to come back to the ground zero and level themselves out. Okay, especially too, if people are taking medicine, you've got to give them some time for that medicine to kick in to them now. Not drinking, it does not just take a day, this takes a couple months. So just know that it's not rejection, it's just part of their process. And again, depending on your guys' relationship, whoever you played the role, whoever you are in the role of the person with the problem, they might have called you every day and you might have fed into that. So when they get quiet, you can't be like, well, they're not calling me every day. They are going through this process and healing and healing for anybody, no matter what it is, it doesn't just matter. In recovery, healing, with healing, you often go inward and get quiet. Hey, good people of the world, it's Courtney, and if you're in your first year or your fifth year of sobriety, let's be real. Summers can be tough, like a very, very, very challenging. It took me a couple summers to finally feel comfortable. There's something about warm weather, parties and poolside drinks that can make it feel like everybody's drinking but you. But just because drinking culture ramps up, especially during this time, doesn't mean your progress has to slow down. That's where a tool like SoberLink can help. It's a high-tech breathalyzer that helps people in recovery stay accountable, not through shame, but through structure, scheduled, daily tests. Let you share instant, verified results with the people who support you, so you don't have to do it alone, worried someone might question your results. They can't, because Soberlink uses facial recognition and tamper detection, so there's no way to cheat it. Whether you're rebuilding trust or you just want that extra layer of support this summer, soberlink is here to help you stay the course of your journey. I've witnessed people benefit from Soberlink and I want you to be the next. Visit wwwsoberlinkcom. Forward slash sober-vibes to sign up and receive 50% off your device today. You can also check the link in the show notes below, so just remember that. Number four. They might start unpacking a lot of heavy stuff. Sobriety doesn't often. It often cracks open some bolts where you're going to probably turn your head and be like, oh my God, I did that, or whoa, did not even know this. You also, too, might hear a lot of apologies, confessions again, stories you did not know about. So just be ready for honesty, and especially, too, if in sobriety, it is often where you want to be honest and you have to listen to that. Also, if there has been a lot of trust thrown out the window, it might even actually be good for you to go sit with a therapist with that person in you, if that person in you are up for it. That way it's in a safe place. Okay, that's the best that I can recommend for that. So just know that when this stuff starts coming up again, it's a sign of healing and there's going to be some things you don't want to hear, and I'm sure vice versa with that person too. But it's just one of those things that it is something that needs to be talked about and you cannot continue to sweep things under the mat. Number five your support matters, but it's not everything. You can be loving and encouraging, but you can't do the work for them. You cannot. They have to want it and they have to work it. Your job isn't to save them, it's to support. It is not to save them. And I think that that's for a lot of people, because I'm going to throw out another good one that I love. If you have not read the book Codependent no More, please read it, because if you've been kind of enmeshed with that person and through their sobriety and their recovery and all the relapses, whatever happens, it is very easy to then get to that point where it's like you want it more than them. And that book, codependent no more helped me, because I was like that with my sister, especially in those first couple of years and well, let me say that before, I should say, the first couple of years of my sobriety, and it didn't take until she got pulled over and arrested on that third one where it was just like, dude, I can't like want this for you more than you want it for yourself. So just know that book R, miss Melody Beattie, is amazing. So now that we've talked about what to expect from them, let's talk about how you can care for yourself through this. Okay, five tips I've seen help the people who love somebody struggling with alcohol. So again, take what you want from this episode and leave the rest. And if you're liking this episode, please drop into my DMs and let me know. Number one you need to learn about alcohol use disorder. The more you understand addiction, the less power, shame and confusion that it has right, read the books, listen to some podcasts, ask questions when you learn what's actually going on in the brain and the body. It helps you move from why are they doing this to this isn't about me at all, and that's why I threw out that documentary of understanding how alcohol has came into this world and how it has been perceived, and that it's actually been doing damage to families and loved ones for hundreds of years. And if you have a loved one who is alcohol use disorder on that spectrum, right, you should be pissed at these alcohol companies too. You really should. And how it's been marketed. It's disgusting. So set boundaries without guilt. Boundaries are not about control, they're about clarity. Set boundaries, find peace. All of these books I will link in the show notes below. But these books that one is a great one too, and the author's name is Nedra, I think Nedra Glover. I hope I'm not botching that, but I believe she's a Michigan girly, a Detroit girly too. So I will link the books in the show notes below. Okay, so the boundaries are about clarity. Maybe you don't want alcohol in the house, great. Maybe you don't want to go to events where a loved one will be drinking. Maybe you just need to say I can't keep having the same conversation with you. That's okay. Boundaries are loving. They protect both of you. I've had to put boundaries in place when I got sober. Obviously, it is one where I then would only I would call a person in the morning time when I knew they weren't in the drinking hours of, like happy hour. I would then start going to breakfast or lunch with people and not dinner. Okay, same that you can do the same thing for yourself. It's like you have to write out, like how do you want this relationship to work, especially, especially especially, if this person keeps drinking? We're going to say this and I said this in the Q&A episode I did last week If you were in a marriage where this person keeps drinking, you now have to start thinking about what that's going to look like you leaving, unless you want to sit there and continuing to do this. At some point you have to think like what is best for you and if there's kids involved, okay and I didn't say this in last week's episode and I should have but obviously make sure that you have a plan if you are going to leave that person, but at what point? And I say this to anybody. It's like who wants to stick around for that? Who wants to be married, into that if you're not happy. So you should continuously give up your happiness just in hopes that this person changes At some point. Yes, I know I said to you that sobriety isn't linear, but I'm talking to the loved ones. At some point you have to make a difficult decision for you Whether you're going to stay married, whether you're going to keep supporting, like if you're giving somebody money, like I mean this. There's a lot of layers to this, but you have to decide when is enough enough for you. Okay, and maybe that is too like, I don't know, I'm just giving some, I'm just throwing it out there. Maybe you're just supporting a child financially and that's all you're willing to do anymore. But you're no, it's just I'm I can't take your 2 am phone calls. You're no, it's just, I can't take your 2 am phone calls. I will set you up. You live like this and that's all I can give, and that's fine if that boundary works for you. So get that book. I will link it in the show notes. So, setting boundaries without guilt Sweet, Melanie Beattie says it. And codependent no more where it's detached with love. Codependent no more. We're detached with love and you can still love a person, but just detach from the chaos that has been created and projected onto you, because you're going to have your own PTSD from that ma'am. You're going to have your own anxieties. Adult, children of alcoholics. There's a long list of what the F is wrong with us. Right, there is a long list Anxiety disorders, depression, the overachiever or the high achievers, anxiety, all of it. Number three you need to take care of yourself. So you cannot pour from an empty cup. You just can't. So, whether it's again therapy, you go to a support group, like I said, al-anon right, journaling time with friends, or just if you are a person who likes alone time, feel free to do that. Maybe you just need to say to how long. In your journaling especially, it's just what does this relationship now going to look like with this person? So living or loving someone who drinks problematically again can be traumatic. I said, that's why I said about the PTSD. So you're allowed to rest and restore when it comes to that. Four, don't try to control their sobriety. You can't, you cannot, you can't nag someone into recovery. You really truly can't nag someone into recovery. You really truly can't. Now I will say that for some people, ultimatums work. For me when Matthew said to me, it was like you can still keep drinking, he's like I'm just not going to be around for this. That was that moment where and I was missing my cat because I lost her like a dirt bag. I lost her for the second time, which she's still around today. She's actually around my foot right now playing with the cord, and that worked for me and I'm going to tell you why that worked for me and some people do. I remember Robert Downey Jr had the same like kind of his, his I think it was his wife at the time or maybe girlfriend, but she said to him too, she gave him one and he said it too. He was like that's what I needed. When that happened and I did choose to finally be done and surrender with it all. I needed that, with Matthew and Fiona, to get to a place within a couple months of starting to be able to love myself and realize I was now doing sobriety for myself. So sometimes for people, that ultimatum is helpful and that's what going back to if you're married, sometimes, people, when you keep saying, if you don't do this, I'm going to leave, you're just going to have to leave at some point right, because I guarantee you that person's not probably did not take you serious and that could be the start of a change. But I don't want you to hold on to that right Because still, you got to do with what's best for you and what you're willing to continue to put up with, right? So maybe detaching with love, too, is leaving and setting up boundaries, but again, you cannot control their sobriety, and that's where codependent no more comes in. You cannot control others. All you have to do is control yourself, okay. So when it comes to this, you just have to ask the person how they want to be supported, respect their process and again, let go of the need to control it all the time. Number five celebrate progress, not just perfection. So sobriety is built really one day at a time, especially very early on. If your person is trying acknowledge that. Celebrate the courage it takes to even want to change. It doesn't have to be perfect or meaningful. Trust me, small wins add up, even if it's just like a texting of you're doing a good job or I'm proud of you. There's this. I'm like getting choked up about this because there's this girl Actually, kate was on the podcast and she brought it up where she was, like her parents will send her flowers now on her sober birthday and early on those first couple of years I would meet my dad, actually for breakfast on my sober birthday. Sorry, I didn't expect to get choked up, but currently my dad is going through a cancer battle, so this makes me emotional because of that. And just having parents acknowledge the hard work you put in or friends doing the same thing, it really does mean the world for the person who is recovering and going alcohol-free. So even just a little text like I'm proud of you, good job, and that text or that phone call could really just help somebody in those early days. Again, this isn't easy for me to talk about because I feel for both sides and that's where I'm just trying to stay on the point with this and not get super emotional. But I know from sides of the parents who are really proud of their kids, and then I also too know from sides of parents whose children didn't make it and it is heartbreaking and very, very sad because, as much as I do think that everybody can change, sometimes they can't and that's a reality that loved ones have to have it sink in and that's a reality that loved ones have to have it sink in and I hope that doesn't sound very harsh. But that is just going back to the reality of addiction is, some people do not make it and they choose going left instead of going right, and it's very hard to see. And now, as a parent too, it's just. I can't imagine if I had to go through that with the dictator. So celebrate, ask them what they need, especially to, let's just say, with friends this can all apply to friendships too. I want to say, with the friends thing and even to family thing. Even if there's going to be alcohol there, I still want you to invite the loved one if they're in sobriety, and let them give you the option of, hey, I'm going to pass. Let them don't assume anything, let them answer for you. Expect two people in early sobriety to cancel on your ass. And it just comes from. It comes from experience and anxiety, especially those first couple months up into that first year. It's just sometimes people, all they have to give that day is just make it through another day sober. So that's what I wanted to add in. But, like I said from the people who I polled, it was just don't be judgmental. And this is what I'm going to say from that. Like I said at the get, you've got to come from as the loved one approach it from a loving situation. That's because they're probably used to how you've been approaching it before and you might not notice, but it probably does sound harsher because you have to remember too, especially in those first couple months, how sensitive anybody who gets sober is and it's a little bit of a progress or a process. So just know that. So invite the person. If they decline, don't be mad about it, no problem, follow it up with. If you ever want to go get a coffee anytime, you let me know. You kind of got to meet them with where they're at in those first couple months and they will meet you back. But for you it's important for you to take care of yourself and just learn about this. Learn about it so you can understand it more and then figure out what your relationship's going to look with that person if they still continue to use. Because at some point I think it is in Al-Anon too where it's like, at some point you have to stop being the doormat. I think there's a quote, there's like a doormat quote in Al-Anon and it's good for you to go and figure out those support groups and or if therapy, if you need to do therapy on how to help yourself, because that's number one priority, because a lot of loved ones lose themselves in being married to an alcoholic, being a parent of one same thing with a friend. There's a lot of hurt there. Also, too, don't expect within that first month when they got sober that everything is going to be accounted for. That's going to be quite a process as well of the apologies. I made my apologies my sober birthday and I made it to the people I needed to make it to during that time in my life who I know I really hurt and I did that and I was very emotional. It was hard for me to get some of it out, but I got it out and it was freeing. So, and a lot of people that I coach I say the same thing it's don't just start apologizing because you feel like you need to. When it comes to apologies especially when you've done somebody wrong like it's got to be heartfelt, right, and it's got to be when you're ready and you truly mean it. So just know that that might take some time for you to get a recognition and an apology, but I think that's about it. So I just want you to know that you're not alone. Again, from the loved one's point of view, you didn't cause this right, and it's okay to feel angry and exhausted and sad all at once. You have to go through your own grieving process as well. So loving someone with an alcohol problem is truly, truly complicated. So there's grief and hope and confusion and pain all wrapped into one, which some days it's just hard to process. That okay. But again, healing is possible for anybody and it's possible for them and it's possible for you. So check out the books, the links in the show notes. I will put them in and if this episode spoke to you, please feel free to share it or send me a DM on Instagram or email me back and let me know. So I hope, I hope and I send you good vibes. I truly mean this because I know what it's like. I know what it's like to love somebody who has an alcohol problem and a crack problem, and it's hard, it is very hard. And then I was a person with that problem Not the crack problem, the alcohol problem and again I just if you listen to LOT, you know that sometimes we joke about my sister's crack problem. That's why I was laughing. So I get it. I get it, I get it and I really do think that anybody I would like to stay in that of the positive, of that your loved one will stop and that's how you can support a person in sobriety and also to take care of yourself, because that is number one. All right, thank you so much for listening. I would love again to hear your feedback, so send me a DM on Instagram. If you haven't yet, please rate, review and subscribe to the show. And yeah, you keep on trucking and stay safe out there. Thank you.