Why Quitting Alcohol Feels Harder Than It Should (and Real Help to Finally Stop Drinking)

Have you ever tried to quit drinking and thought, “Why is this so hard? Shouldn’t it be easier?” You’re not alone. Quitting alcohol often feels harder than it should not because you’re weak, but because alcohol changes your brain chemistry, your coping patterns, and the way you deal with stress.

In episode 244 of the Sober Vibes Podcast, I’m breaking down the real reasons quitting feels so challenging and what actually makes it easier. Whether you’re sober curious, in your first 30 days without alcohol, or stuck in the stop-start cycle, this conversation will help you see that you don’t need more willpower, you need better tools and support.

What You'll Learn in this Episode:

• How alcohol impacts your brain and fuels alcohol-induced anxiety
• Why drinking to cope with alcohol and stress makes quitting feel impossible
• How relying on alcohol speeds up alcohol and aging in your body and skin
•  Why trying to stop drinking with willpower alone often fails
•  The freedom that comes when you stop drinking every night and start building new habits
•  How a sober coach can help you break the cycle and finally follow through

If you’ve been telling yourself you should be able to do this alone, this episode is your reminder: you’re not broken, you just need the right support.

Listen now: Why Quitting Alcohol Feels Harder Than It Should (and Real Help to Finally Stop Drinking)

PODCAST SPONSOR:

This episode is sponsored by Soberlink, a trusted accountability tool for anyone navigating early recovery. Whether you're rebuilding trust with loved ones or want more structure in your sobriety, Soberlink offers a discreet and empowering way to stay on track.

Sober Vibes listeners, sign up HERE and claim our $100 Enrollment Bonus.

This episode is sponsored by ExactNature, a trusted holistic tool for anyone navigating recovery and sobriety. Use code SV25 at checkout to receive a discount on your order. Click here to shop and save. 

Grab my Masterclass for Free:

Gain access to my Masterclass when you submit a review on iTunes. Email me sobervibes@gmail.com with a screenshot of the review, and I will send you the code to unlock my Masterclass for free!

Hope this episode helps you today, and thank you for tuning in!

Thank you for listening! Help the show by Rating, Reviewing, and/or Subscribing to the Sober Vibes Podcast.

Connect w/ Courtney:
Instagram
Join the Sobriety Circle

Apply for 1:1 Coaching
Order the Sober Vibes Book

Chapters

• 0:00 You’re Not Broken: Setting the Stage
• 1:09 Moderation Cycle and Self-Rules
• 3:15 Why It’s Hard: Brain Chemistry 101
• 6:35 Dopamine, Transfer Addiction, and Healing
• 9:45 Alcohol as Coping: Relearning Life
• 13:35 October Reset and Exact Nature Sponsor
• 15:15 Holiday Triggers and Soberlink Sponsor
• 16:55 Don’t Go It Alone: Support vs Willpower
• 19:10 Freedom Mindset: What You Gain
• 21:30 Slips, Autopilot, and Habit Change
• 24:05 Find Your Why and Build Tools
• 26:00 Next Week’s Tease and Closing CTA

Transcript

CourtneyAndersen: 0:00

Have you ever tried to quit drinking and thought, why is this so hard? Shouldn't it be easier? If you have felt stuck or frustrated or like you're failing, the truth of the matter is, is you're not broken. Quitting alcohol feels harder than it should because of some very, very real reasons. And in today's episode, I'm breaking them down and sharing what actually makes it easier. Welcome to Sober Vibes, your podcast for alcohol-free lifestyle tips and real talk about long-term sobriety. I'm your host, Courtney Anderson, sober coach, author, and mom. Each week I share strategies, stories, and encouragement to help you navigate cravings, build confidence, and thrive in sobriety. Whether you're sober curious or years in, this is your space to feel supported and inspired. Welcome back to the Sober Vibes Podcast. I am your host and sober coach, Courtney Anderson, and your go-to guide of living a kick-ass life without alcohol. You are listening to episode 244. Thank you, good people of the world, for tuning in. So I want to share a little story. In this, in the moderation cycle that I was in, because remember, I haven't had a story where it was like I quit drinking alcohol and then like a couple months in, I slipped, and then a couple like years in, I slipped. I I haven't had that. But what I did have was I had a four-year process of the moderation cycle, which I do truly believe that so many people get into, okay, before they quit drinking for good. Because you really do try to control it and go back and forth, right? Until you can't. So remember being in this four-year moderation cycle, I felt like a failure when I couldn't control alcohol. When in when I mean by that was there would be times that I would be like, okay, no shots, right? Make sure that you eat. And then I would always come back to where I started originally of putting all of these rules. And that's really what the moderation cycle comes down to. It's all of these rules you put on yourself to try to fit a what is it, a square peg and a round hole. But the truth of it is, is that alcohol you cannot control once you already have a problematic relationship with it, right? But really in this is once I understood the reasons of why it felt so hard and learned in the process, eventually when I quit for good, these tools, that everything changed for me. So if you're sober curious or in your first 30 days, or you tried white knuckling it, this episode is definitely for you and it will give you more clarity and way more encouraging encouragement to keep going, right? And as always, before we dive into today's episode, if you try to quit and it feels harder than it should, you don't need more willpower, right? So let's create a plan together that actually makes it easier. You can apply for my one-on-one coaching below. The link is in the show notes, or you can even to look into my sobriety circle that is my monthly coaching community, and there is a whole group of women in there ready to support you too on your alcohol free journey. So the links are in the show notes below. And yes, let's dive into it and this coaching episode. As always, before two, I get started, slide into my DMs and let me know if this episode helped you, helps you in your journey or if this is something you needed to hear. I always, always, always love hearing from you and how this podcast has helped. And if this podcast hasn't helped you, you don't need to slide into my DMs and tell me that. Thank you. And also, too, it is October 3rd as this episode airs. And it is my birthday on Sunday. So I will think of a little giveaway to do on Sunday for my birthday. I'm turning 43. And look for it on Silvervives Instagram page and my Courtney Anderson Instagram page. Okay. We will do a giveaway. And I don't know what that's gonna be yet, but I'll think of it. And it will be there on Sunday. So check out the podcast or my Instagram page on Sunday. All right, good people of the world. So reason number one, all right? Alcohol changes your brain chemistry. And a good, I just want to keep I want some of these episodes. If you've noticed what I've been doing in in season seven, if you've been here for a while and listening, I want this to keep repeating because sometimes you need to hear some shit at least seven times. I think that that's it. Like some a human being needs to hear something at least seven times before it clicks. And I want this to click for you. All right. So the brain chemistry thing is real, it's science. All right. So alcohol legit rewires your brain. It messes with your dopamine, your GABA, and your serotonin. All right. All the chemicals that regulate the mood, the stress, and the pleasure. So when you stop drinking, your brain feels out of balance, out of whack, right? That's why you might feel restless, irritable, or anxious in the beginning. And it's not weakness, it's chemistry. And with time and support, your brain does heal, okay? And also remember too, you get into that dopamine hit where you want that. And but I'm saying before the alcohol, a lot of us as well, there was something before the alcohol, especially for women, there was usually food. So if you had a problematic relationship with food, and then you stopped that or maybe passed on then to alcohol, it was because you were replacing one dopamine hit slash addiction with the other. And why I share this too is because so many women especially have had that issue with food. And even too, if you are sober now and you notice that there was like some transference addiction, right? And that the sense of now you feel like you are seeking that dopamine hit in some other way, right? Going using another substance or person, whoever it might be, or what it might be, that is very common. I also share this in my book. So make sure you check out my book too, Survives a Guide to Thriving Without Alcohol in your first three months. So just know that again, why when you give up booze, where you're like, this should be easier than it is, is number one because it is creating change in your brain. Nowadays, you're starting to hear more and more people talk about the brain health with alcohol, and to why even to if if some people have just given it up because they're like mentally I want to feel sharper. I mean, there there is reasons for everybody to quit drinking alcohol. Everybody should quit drinking alcohol, but if you aren't, that's not it doesn't mean that I'm judging you. It's just alcohol is very, very bad and toxic and does the most. So again, it changes your brain chemistry and remember it. It is rewiring your brain. Good news though is once you stop, you can start rewiring your brain in a more healthier way. Okay. Reason number two, you've been alcohol, you've been using alcohol as your main coping tool. I do believe this is something that when we started drinking, it wasn't like we're like, oh my God, I'm going to use Sauvignon Blanc to just down my problems away. I'm going to use this because it is going to be my best friend, my therapist, all of it, right? Like we didn't go into this being like, this is going to help me cope with life. Nobody did. Nobody did. Nobody who picks up alcohol is man, I hope I have a drinking problem. Then no. Or that you think you're going to get a drinking problem, right? Because you have it and you're like, oh, that was really fun. That was really innocent. This is maybe what I did at this period of my life. This was an evolution. But then when it starts forming and becoming something a little bit darker, because we all go through dark periods of our lives in different seasons, then this is where the that relationship starts to turn with alcohol and too with your brain chemistry, right? So yes, it was about the fun, right? Initially, right? But now it's turned into as you're drinking and your life has evolved, the relationship with alcohol has evolved into something that now really isn't about the fun. It's it is how you handled stress, celebrating wins in your life, celebrating coping with grief and loss, and even to become something of filling up your boredom because that is what you have been programmed within yourself in society to believe that drinking then becomes that you're doing something, right? So it really does take over in that way. So when you take alcohol away, it feels like you've lost your one and only tool. That's why this feels very, very hard. You're not just quitting, you're not just quitting drinking, you're learning how to live differently. And drinking becomes one of those habits where it is one of those extremely bad habits. I mean, I always knew smoking was awful, right? I didn't realize, and I and and I just say this with smoking cigarettes. And I don't know what it is about life lately, but I mean, I have been thinking about those cigarettes the last couple weeks. And maybe it's because we've changed now into the season of fall. But as I have always mentioned, if the world ever goes down, I am going somewhere. Where do they sell cigarettes now? And buying a pack of Parliament lights and just chain smoking. I'm not gonna do it today. The world's not going down, but I'm just it's the change of season for sure. And to me going through something difficult with my dad, a cigarette would be nice, but I'm not gonna do it. So, my point of this is that I realized when I quit smoking cigarettes, okay, I was like, holy shit, I have so much more time on my hands. I did not realize how much I coped and rewarded myself with cigarettes until I stopped. And there was like no more, all right. I cleaned the house, I'm gonna go out for a smoke, right? There was none of that. Like taking a break at work, I was gonna smoke. There was none of that where it was like, oh my goodness, that was such a habit. And one I didn't realize how big it was until it was gone. The same thing's gonna happen to you with with with when you quit drinking or you have and you're reflecting back to be like, oh wow, that was in my day-to-day life, and that I rewarded myself. So again, you're learning how to relive differently, and that takes some time, but you can build new tools and real ones that actually work and don't leave you with guilt, shame, or hangovers, right? October is here, and with it is the perfect opportunity to quit alcohol, reset your habits, and boost your overall health. Going alcohol-free can bring incredible benefits, including better liver and gut health, improved sleep, increased energy, reduced anxiety, and greater mental clarity. Amen to all of that. But the first few weeks can be tough. This is where Exact Nature comes in. Exact Nature creates safe, non-intoxicating CBD-based products designed to help you manage cravings, calm anxiety, stabilize your mood, and get better sleep. All without getting you high or causing harm. Just the opposite. Exact Nature CBD helps you feel better, evens you out, makes sobriety feel more natural. Founded by a father-son team in addiction recovery, Exact Nature understands what the journey takes. Their range of products is value-priced, subscription ready, and designed to support your success over time. As a listener, you'll get 25% off your order with code SV25. So it would be Silver Vibes 25. SV25. And even deeper discounts for subscriptions at exactnature.com. Make this October your best one yet with Exact Nature. I've been using Exact Nature for going probably now on like three years, two and a half, three years, and I love them, and that is why I am a loyal fan of Exact Nature. So again, use code SV25 at exactnature.com or look for the link in the show notes below. Nothing tests sobriety quite like holiday gatherings. Am I right? Between family stress, endless parties, and more alcohol ads than you can count, it can feel like a sea of triggers. And if you're in your first year of sobriety, you need something that helps shoulder the load, not add to it. Thankfully, they're soberlink, the only high-tech breathalyzer trusted by addiction professionals, because it works. With scheduled daily tests, you can share instant, verified results with the people who support you, so you never have to convince someone of your progress. They get to see it and celebrate it with you in real time. And because Soberlink uses built-in facial recognition and tamper sensors, there's no way to cheat these results. Soberlink now offers device rentals, making daily accountability more accessible than ever. Whether you're rebuilding trust with loved ones or just want an extra layer of support this holiday season, Soberlink can help you stay laser focused on your recovery goals through the celebrations and long after the tree comes down. Visit www.soberlink.com forward slash sober-vibes to sign up and claim your $100 enrollment bonus. You can also check the link in the show notes below. Number three, why it feels so hard to is a lot of people try to do it alone. And a lot of people don't want to ask for that help because one, this is still a shameful topic. Two, you're gonna be looked at, well, what's you can do this, this, and this and this. What do you mean you have a drinking problem, right? You're you're gaslit to believe that you could never have a drinking problem when you're sitting there being like, no, bitch, I have a drinking problem, right? And it it doesn't make you less than a person. This is just how, again, how that substance is is designed, right? And a lot of people who I see, and I did it alone, I did it alone too those first that first probably what two years, I really white knuckled it. That's why you hear me too saying, like with people like when you're done white knuckling it, because once you get help, the help does change if you're open to it, right? So help and support does change, and most people like to try to quit in secret and without support, or people don't want to then end up talking about it because they just want to move away from it and sweep it under the rug like it never happened, and then in that you start then realizing, oh, I had more of a problem than I thought. And you cannot sweep this one under the rug because it will come back, and it will usually come back by you drinking again, right? And it comes down to a lot of ego and thinking that you just need more willpower and that you will be fine, but willpower always runs out, and accountability and support do not. So when you're surrounded by people who get it or you're working with the coach, it stops being about really truly fighting it alone in your head and starts being about building that momentum with real strategies that support you that not support your neighbor who had a problem and they told you what worked for them. Like it's actually about supporting you and what's going to work for you, right? So what does what does make this easier, right? These are the three things understanding the science, so you stop blaming yourself and building healthier coping tools that relieve stress. And this is what you have to to listen and figure out for yourself yourself. So getting support, you're not carrying the weight alone, right? When those three pieces come together, quitting alcohol can stop feeling like a punishment and start feeling like freedom. And especially too in the beginning, you really truly think that when you quit drinking, like you're being punished. It's like, why me? Why did this happen to me? Why can't I drink like my best friend Liz? Like, why can't I drink like my husband? He can have one or two. And like, why does this have why do I have to have a problem? And that's where I want to challenge you to really look at this is beer in, if you're not there yet or in the beginning stages, or even in that first year, of stop looking at it like what is wrong with me and what you're missing out on, and look at it of what the fuck you're about to gain. Because you are about to gain so much more, even though it's gonna be uncomfortable and you're gonna go like this and ride the waves of that first year, especially, and even to in that second year. You ride the waves in life in general. You're just taking alcohol out, you're taking alcohol outside or out of the equation. I did a podcast today, which will be airing. I interviewed a pal of mine, and that episode's gonna air October 10th or October 17th. And she was talking about she's at 13 years of sobriety, and we were talking about this where she was just like, I definitely have gone through hard periods. She was like, but still to this day, it is a lot easier to manage without then adding drugs and alcohol into the mix. And she's so very true. It that's correct. Like, you still have the ups and downs of life, but when you take this out, it becomes a lot easier, right? So definitely I hope this one helps you on why this feels more difficult in what the science is behind it and how this has played, because not only does it take over your brain, but then you are developing such an addictive habit. And I know people don't like to say that they were addicted to something because then again, that goes with the ego, right? Of you really have to kind of surrender to that and be like, no, this kind of has a stronger hold on me than I thought. But everybody gets to the point of quitting for good when they are good and tired, and when that is for them. And even if you're in those stages of those last couple years of your drinking career where you went from a daily drinker down to a person who has only drank two times this last year. I want you to focus more on those days that you didn't drink compared to those two days out of the whole year of stop focusing on well, I didn't make it to I slipped on those two days because again, this is so habitual. And sometimes people don't slip because something catastrophic happened to them. Sometimes they just slip because it was you were simply built on autopilot when you have had the substance in your life for the last 20 plus years, and it just you just that was your go-to, right? So if you've tried to quit before and it has felt impossible, again, please hear me. You are not broken because people feel like there's something wrong with them. You don't need more willpower, you just need tools and the support to help you this time around, right? So quitting is going to always feel hard at first. And it might feel easy for some, and then a couple months in, then it might be like, oh my God, this is hard. My pink cloud bursts, what do I do now? And it is I have to understand at that time. Then you just take it and you roll with it and you keep going forward. And doing that without alcohol and telling yourself without alcohol is really going to help you. If I add alcohol to the mix today, it is only going to make my life harder. It's not going to make my life easier. So it makes it easier for a couple hours, and then you're up again at 3 a.m. with the sweats and maybe the spinsies and with a lot of regret and shame. So with time in this, it gets lighter. And one day you're going to look back and realize you've built a life that you don't want to escape from anymore. Because again, going back to the drinking issue and going back to how people use it as a coping tool, it's like at some point it turned dark for you and it was used to cope with what? Right? So it's your job to figure out that what. Why did you start using it more than it needed to be? Was it because you were in postpartum? Was it because maybe you're married to an asshole and you hate him? Was it because you didn't figure was it that your life didn't end up how you wanted it to? Was it un not dealing with with undealt childhood trauma that is coming to the surface now? And or then, whenever add your time. I'm right. Is it because you're lonely? Are you an empty nester and the kids are all gone? And now as a mom, you're like, what the hell do I do now with myself? It always, when I have coached empty nesters, now as a mom, it does. It I it I get it with the empty nesters. I I don't know what it's like to be an empty nester because now I'm on the other side of it. But my heart always does go to women in that position because now being a mom, I don't even want to think about the day that the young dictator flees, flees the house. And what and how that would look like. Because when you do get so programmed to taking care of a child and you have that that child, it is just built in the fabric of your beings, right? And then, but and then too with the empty nester, and then it can become exciting because then you get to rediscover who you are. All right. So figure out why, you know, I'm not asking you to live in trauma at that point, but just figure it out of why, like, why did this go, why did this go dark? Because sometimes figuring out the why is going to help you with then needing the tools and what type of tools and support you need now to move forward and not use alcohol. All right. So again, if you've tried to quit and it feels harder than it should be, you again don't need more power, you or willpower, you need more tools and more support. So check out my coaching below. I did have somebody reach out and text. I just want to say this. If you text the show, I cannot text you back. So if you are looking for coaching, just look in the show notes and there will be one-on-one coaching with Courtney or apply to work with me below. And that information about coaching is in that. So my apologies to the person who reached out and texted the show. I just I don't have a way to respond back to you. All right. And then in next week's episode, you're not gonna want to miss out because we are going to talk about alcohol induced anxiety and what to drink instead of alcohol for anxiety relief. I'm excited about this. So I will share why alcohol fuels anxiety, what calming drinks actually help, and how to serve soothe your nervous system without pouring a glass. Good people of the world, as always, and thank you for listening. If you haven't yet, please rate review and subscribe to the show. And remember, if you screenshot me that review and email it to me at sobervibes at gmail.com, I will then give you access to my workshop that I have just completed. All right, as always, keep on trucking and stay healthy out there.