Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce
This isn’t a breakup pep talk. It’s a full-body recalibration.
Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary—the only podcast for women navigating the messy aftermath of divorce who are done with quick fixes and spiritual fluff.
I’m Dawn Wiggins, therapist and homeopath, and I’m here to give you something the divorce advice space rarely does: real healing.
Through somatic therapy, EMDR, IFS, and homeopathy, we go deeper—into your nervous system, your unspoken grief, and your buried rage.
Every week, we hold the tension: the body-based anxiety you can’t shake; the hormonal upheaval no one warned you about; the unresolved longing for identity.
You’ll hear raw solo episodes, real voice notes from women in the trenches, and intimate interviews with experts who do more than perform healing.
Here, you won’t be asked to “just move on.”
You’ll be asked to feel.
If you’re tired of tutorials that leave your nervous system humming and your heart disconnected, hit subscribe.
Your nervous system already knows the truth—it just wants a safe space to embody it.
Dear Divorce Diary: A Fresh Approach To Healing Grief & Building A Life Of Confidence After Divorce
265. You Trusted Him. It Cost You Everything. Now Money Feels Just As Risky After Divorce.
Trust and money go hand in hand after divorce—yet both feel broken. When the person who swore forever betrayed you, even opening your wallet can feel unsafe.
You’ll Learn
- Why money feels emotionally risky after betrayal.
- How your nervous system links financial fear to past trust wounds.
- The first step to rebuilding safety with money in your body—not just your bank account.
💎 Want money to feel safe again? Join A Different D Word
and build nervous-system safety alongside financial confidence.
When trust is broken in marriage, it doesn’t just live in your memories—it shows up in how you relate to money. Bills, budgets, even dreams of independence can trigger the same body-wide fear you felt in betrayal.
In this episode, I share how to understand the trust-money connection, and what your nervous system needs to feel grounded again. When money feels safe, you stop shrinking and start creating a future you actually trust.
Money after divorce doesn’t have to feel unsafe—healing starts in your nervous system.
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On the Web: https://www.mycoachdawn.com
A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in the process of building your confidence, forgiveness and letting go.
As a divorced woman, you don't just have trust issues, you have receipts. You trusted the man who swore forever and he let you down. You trust your therapist, the supplement protocol, the rebound relationship and, even with all of the best intentions, not enough lasting relief. So now you're asking who and why should I trust again? Why should I trust you with my money? And today I am answering you straight Hi, love.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary, the podcast helping divorcees go beyond talk therapy to process your grief, find the healing you crave and build back your confidence. I'm your host, dawn Wiggins, a therapist, coach, integrative healer and divorcee. Join me for a fresh approach to healing grief and building your confidence after divorce. Is this an episode about trust or is this an episode about money? It's both and it's awkward and it's sticky and really, what we do in life, we do in life. So when we struggle to trust, it's going to impact our relationship with people and our relationship with ourselves, our relationship with our higher power and our relationship with our money. It is all intersecting.
Speaker 1:And so today in this episode, we are going to unpack number one the nervous system wound of broken trust. How that functions, because it's actually very wise right. Your nervous system is trying to keep you from dying, and so we want to really understand the way your nervous system is approaching trust, but also how to help recover it, heal it. Right, because otherwise you're going to stay in a mistrusting place forever and ever and ever. And then we are also going to talk about what real trust feels like.
Speaker 1:And I don't know about you, but I will tell you that this season of my life right, let's say, in the last five years I've been able to access the most trust ever, the most faith ever, right. So I think most of us coming into this level of deep healing never really knew what true trust really felt like, and I think it's hard to have a sense of what you're reaching for if you've never felt it. So we're going to frame that for you today. Right, because real trust isn't blind faith. It's a space where you can actually rage, cry, collapse and not be dropped. So let's dig in, ladies. How's it feel to talk about trust and money?
Speaker 2:My two favorite topics.
Speaker 3:I was going to say this feels really exciting now, like now me a year ago, two years ago, right.
Speaker 1:But now I'm like, yeah, let's talk about it oh, my goodness, you know, it just flashed in my mind, joey. Remember a couple years ago we were standing in my kitchen and you were like dawn, I will never have as much money as you and I was like look at you arguing for your limitations and you were so mad at me. Is it okay that I said that there? It's funny, right? Like we, really, we really get married to our negative beliefs sometimes. Like really really married to our negative beliefs, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about the nervous system, right, and how it's really just trying to protect us and so it's trying to block us from making decisions. Because it's like gathering data, right, the reticular activating system, the nervous system, these, these structural apparatuses in our bodies, right, are really they're gathering data and they're saying like, nope, this is what happened last time, this is what happened last time, this is what happened last time and they're negatively predicting the future to try to protect us, right? So just give me your sort of off-the-cuff reactions to that. Right. How have either of you navigated where your body is like screaming at you don't do it when your maybe values around healing or recovery or faith, or like trusting me or some other healer. Right, you've had to like navigate your nervous system screaming versus like wisdom whispering.
Speaker 2:I think my body has known what I needed for a really long time, and so has my mind right. But there were always excuses and reasons why I couldn't do it, the most, of course, being my daughter, you know and I would use that card all the time that I'm a single mom. I can't afford it, I don't have the time, I don't have the energy. And then being in corporate Right, and I had this badass job and I just didn't have the space to feel like I could give myself anything other than being in survival mode. And I remember always telling myself when she gets older it'll be different, when she gets older, I'll do this, I'll do that.
Speaker 2:And then one day I couldn't go anymore, like I could not literally push forward anymore. Nothing was working for me. All of my old techniques, all of the old impulses that I had, all of my old techniques, all of the old impulses that I had the shopping binges, right, yeah, the alcohol, the partying, the hookups, everything kind of came to this screaming halt and it was like you're not doing this anymore, like none of this is working.
Speaker 1:I think that story is common. I would like if we could do an Instagram poll right now, right, and pull all of our listeners in this exact moment, like I would be so curious to know how many of them have hit that wall before, where they've used every tool there that usually works and like it's not working.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it? Was like a damn breaking, breaking right, like literally. There came a moment where none of my old tricks were working. Nothing was keeping the pain back anymore, nothing was keeping the bullshit away anymore.
Speaker 1:Like I was out in the open, in my mind, body, everything was saying like we caught you, like we're done, yeah, we can't go anymore yeah and I think that a lot of the women we work with, that that's the moment where they came to us or, like, made the decision to work with us right, because they too were in that moment where it was like, oh shit, nothing's working anymore and I'm in a spiral that I can't arrest, right, I can't get the airplane to lift anymore, and I know that for our listeners that this moment in time, one of the riskiest places to trust after divorce is with money, because you know you've invested before it didn't stick.
Speaker 1:Why would this be different? And it brings me to one of the women we've very recently worked with who had that exact fear, and I do think she also chose to work with us because she was in that tailspin, right, and so I want you to listen to her and what she has to say about her experience here.
Speaker 5:I think the hardest part about saying yes to this program was making the financial commitment to work on myself. I could so easily justify all the reasons why I didn't deserve to spend the money on taking care of myself and trusting that this program was worth it just felt so scary. During the first session, I felt a noticeable shift. I felt truly seen and there was this glimmer of hope that this was gonna be different. To the woman listening and nervous to say yes, I would just say don't wait, take the leap, because you are worth it. Don and Tiffany have been amazing. They have such a heart for this program and it's been life-changing to work with them. They met me where I was at and they have walked alongside me on my healing journey, and it was by far the best investment I have ever made for myself.
Speaker 4:It makes me laugh that I'm a poster child for therapy, but it's kind of fun. I'm still so grateful for you guys. I never in my wildest dreams would imagine that finding a podcast would have radically changed my life.
Speaker 1:My goodness, when I hear her say these things, because I remember being on a call with her. I was sitting actually in the car at my kid's school and this is someone who has two jobs, maybe even three jobs. Actually, Tiffany, does she have three jobs? She's?
Speaker 4:got a lot of jobs right, yeah, right.
Speaker 1:Right, it's like it was not a, it was not a small thing. This is not somebody who's like, oh, like I don't have the money, but like, maybe she did like this. No, she's got a lot of jobs and we were really trying to find a way to work with her. And because we do really flexible payment over here right, because we know, as women, we are under, chronically under supported in our society. Like we spend way too much time sending, selling women supplements to feel less tired rather than supporting them in a way that actually helps them not be tired Right.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:It's ridiculous, right, but I remember being on the call with her and I remember that she was so desperate and but the money was such a scary thing and it's funny because she sort of has become like a poster child for our process, right, like all in on the homeopathy and the IFS and all the things, and I know she's worked her tail off with you, coach Tiffany, and IFS and, um, yeah, she's coming to retreat with us this year and it's been amazing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's been amazing. Didn't you work with her on the payments?
Speaker 1:So we have done that with many women, right? Whether they needed to skip a payment or they needed to extend their payments. Yes, we always find for a woman who's ready to say yes, we have done whatever it takes to work with them to get them what they need, because I do not believe that people should not have access to the medicine that they need, right? Am I saying that? Right, like, how would you ladies say that? I do believe that we all have to be willing to take that leap of faith, right, we all have to be willing to choose to heal, right, but also, I think we all have a heart. If a woman is willing to come to the table, we are going to match her effort.
Speaker 3:Yes, that just gave me chills. Yes, if you are willing to come to the table, we will meet you there and we will figure it out with you.
Speaker 1:Work with you, yeah 100%, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:But it's when, first of all, I love her so much. When she said she was the poster child for therapy, like that is my story. I was in, I was in therapy for decades, right Like decades before I started actually using tools and not just, not just talk therapy, but like I love her so much and her willingness to like, say like this, was really, really scary. But I'm so excited, right Like, look how far we and I'm excited to the next step. But I think that it's so powerful because you have to have ownership, like it's, you have to have a buy-in, you have to be able to come to the table in order for it to work. Because if it's just, if it's easy, or if it's if it's like passive or like um, just showing up to the therapist's office, like it doesn't, it doesn't penetrate.
Speaker 1:You don't have the grit the grit, but there's that moment right, where the nervous system is saying don't do it, problem, bad danger. And wisdom is maybe whispering like go, go, go. And there's a level of dissonance that sits inside of us in that moment that I think is very difficult to hold Right. And I still think it happens, even on this team. Right, like, let's say, let's say we're tackle some new big goal or task, or I come up with some batshit insane idea, or I say, ooh, I think you need a new or different remedy. Right, and even on the team sometimes that like oh, how do I hold this tension that I'm feeling about this decision? Right, there's, my body is screaming risk. Wisdom is saying go. It's like being on the gas and the brake at the same time. I think it's a really hard moment for people.
Speaker 3:I think there's power in in recognizing nervous system Like. But to to like nervous system to me is such a beautiful thing because it it's's. It's literally a runway of something that you need to work on. If your nervous system is activated because of money, that's because you have scarcity mindset great, let's address that. Like it's. It's literally a spreadsheet, a bullet point, blueprints. It's laid out for you to recognize. So, while it is a pain point and it's really really scary, like if you have money concerns, great, let's address that, because that is something that's not healed within you. Right, right, right.
Speaker 1:So, and you know what, joy to your point, right, if there are, if your nervous system is screaming about money, like how many of us think, and and like not me, unfortunately but how many people think, right, if your nervous system is screaming about money that the solution to that is to pull back, because actually what the nervous system usually needs is full on expression. Right, and I don't mean like mindless spending, that's not what I mean, right, but that fear that the nervous system has, it needs discharge, it needs expression, it needs to scream, it needs to cry, it needs to. I don't know what is the sound of money fears. If you could say that out loud, what does everybody think? What would money fear sound like if you vocalized it really out loud in the woods?
Speaker 3:joy like a, like a velociraptor.
Speaker 1:Like I'm not gonna do it because people have earbuds in, but like, like, think of a velociraptor, that's what I'd be like right, and so it's really interesting, because our instincts are to pull back, are to suppress or repress, and most people, I think, don't understand that nervous system activation, whether it's about money or any other thing. What it actually needs is full-blown discharge, full-blown expression. Most of the time not always, but most of the time it's like a dot that doesn't connect. Tiff, tiff, you had something.
Speaker 2:Well, so first off, it's Jurassic Park. It's my favorite part, you know where he's in the rainstorm and that cute little thing is making all those cute little sounds.
Speaker 1:Wait, this is an Easter egg for Ashley. For my ride or die. Okay, hang on. It goes like this Be careful with your ears Ready.
Speaker 2:Okay, yes, that's what money sounds like to me. It's like the sweet sounds of like healing and like, oh, I could do this, everything's okay. And then shit hits the fan and that thing's attacking you in a Jeep. Okay, like that's basically what happens.
Speaker 1:I'm doing that impression of that dinosaur since that movie came out, whatever that number of years is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I'm thinking about, but it's almost like when I think about it, it's like the risk versus the reward. So, quick story, right, when I was in corporate. This was post therapy, post EMDR, anything in my world like post EMDR that did not feel aligned with me. My nervous system was screaming. It was like abandon ship line with me. My nervous system was screaming. It was like abandon ship, sos. We need to get the hell out of here. So I did not last very much in corporate very long post EMDR and therapy, because it no longer felt aligned with who I was and I don't think it ever did Right. So when I made the decision to come home that day and tell my partner hey, surprise, I'm going to be a life coach and I'm going to start my certification programs, right?
Speaker 2:So let me tell you this. So then he's like yeah, yeah, all in. And I said look, I just want to give this a year and see what happens, and if it doesn't work, I promise I'll pivot whatever. Two months into my program, my boss flies over from Australia for my corporate job to tell me that I've been laid off, so I have nothing, I have no income. At that point I'm still getting my certifications. I'm still halfway through my program and I thought you know what F it? I'm going for it Because I could no longer sit in that space any longer where I was surrounding myself with things that did not feel like me.
Speaker 2:And I'm thinking, if I've spent money padding the pockets of other men in their roles, in their companies, what would it feel like if I invested that much in myself? And I have never fucking looked back. And I'm not going to sit here and lie to you and say that it was not scary, that I did not have issues with me. And even the testimonial we just heard God love her. I loved her because every single time we would start an IFS session I would say how are you feeling? And she would say I'm effing terrified right now, and I loved that because she was honest about it, because healing is not this warm, fuzzy bubble that we're going to put you in. You know we're going to take you out to these parts that you need to heal yourself, but we are going to hold you through it and I promise you.
Speaker 2:It is like an experience that you will never have anywhere else ever.
Speaker 1:Well, I think that's the thing. Right Is, the solution is always bigger than the problem. The solution is always bigger than the problem, but you have to like I will not bore you getting in the weeds because we could get into, like the crazy places of my philosophical mind, right, but think about that. The solution is always bigger than the problem, but the problem feels so big to you right now. So imagine how big the solution is. But can you say yes to a solution that big? I think that's where women get scared and they back down Right and at the end of the day.
Speaker 1:I don't think women realize that, that their lack of belief in themselves is what tanks, is what blocks the solution. Right, we really want to. We really have a tendency to externalize no, it's this, it's that, it's this, it's that. No, the solution is always, always bigger than the problem. But many people struggle to recognize the solution when it shows up or receive it.
Speaker 3:Right. So one of the things I did actually when I started this um healing journey is is on my mirror. It says why, why not? Why not me? Why not now? I wrote it on my mirror because why can't I be the woman that has abundance, why can't I be the woman that has complete healing? What makes X, y and Z women special? I'm a freaking beast. Why not me? Why-hmm.
Speaker 1:I love that. That's amazing. Okay, let's talk for a moment about earned trust and what real earned trust feels like. Like that's something that we've worked really hard on the three of us on this team, over the last year plus right, like building real forged trust.
Speaker 4:Forged, forged.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what's it look like in relationships. What's it look like with God. What's it look like with money? What's it look like with self? What's it look like? What's real forged trust? Look like what's real forged trust.
Speaker 2:Look like Non-abandonment right. Looks like non-abandonment in the ugly. That's the thing, right. I always had trust issues. I'm like the trust issue girl with everybody, with friendships, everything around me is a threat. Post-homeopathy, I don't experience that anymore. There is almost this thing where I've taken all the walls down, I have taken my safety net out and I am literally base, jumping off the building and just saying here we go.
Speaker 1:Here we go.
Speaker 2:Here we go, it's going to be fine and yeah, and literally, I'm trusting that the universe is going to help me out and I will tell you that post homeopathy I have every single area of my life has changed. I have more authentic friendships, women who I truly, truly trust, trust to stand by my side. You know I trust Dawn and Joy immensely on this team. I know where we're going. We have an incredible future. Together we are changing lives. We are healing.
Speaker 2:We are so anchored in this work and so passionate about what we do to show up every day for these women. You know my romantic relationship with my partner has changed in every aspect, being able to lean into, trusting him and honestly trusting the universe that everything is going to work out, everything is fine, and even in those dark moments. I'm not saying that my life is perfect, because it's certainly not, but even in those dark moments I now have the understanding that there are people around me who I trust to catch me in those moments and show my vulnerability to, and that is something I've never been able to experience without homeopathy and the modalities we use Preach.
Speaker 1:Every area of your life is different, right you?
Speaker 1:know a really strange, random area of my life that's different is my refrigerator. It's just automatically organized itself. It's like we didn't try to organize the refrigerator, it just is organized. Now I don't know it's weird, but, um, I spend way less money these days, like, I don't panic by things that, um, you know, instagram sells me like, oh, this supplement, or oh, whatever, this pair of pants, or oh, this, I don't know. Like, I just don't like, maybe, escape shop the way I used to. Um, I don't need to run away on vacations the way I used to. I don't like you know what I mean. Like it's just peace and calm and, um, I don't, yeah, I don't know, I don't have to chase doctor's appointments the way I used to. Everything's just more efficient and calm and present and, um, trust, right, I can make crazy decisions and it's going to be okay. It just is.
Speaker 3:One of the biggest things for me, that is, I don't overcommit overcommit in my spending, overcommit in my time, overcommit in my family, just because I don't need to constantly be like I lose my phone more than I know where it is, because I don't need that constant stipulation anymore in terms of shopping or food or, um, like that's a big thing for me, since it's like I don't. I don't overeat. I don't have the need to constantly be busy, being stimulated, being distracted from your pain, whether it's doom shopping or doom scrolling, yes, I don't have to.
Speaker 3:I trust myself more than I have ever trusted myself because of home shopping, that right, that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and it's not any one thing, right. It's the understanding and connecting with and supporting the parts of self. It's the feeling safe to feel feelings and share them with the people around you, in your inner circle, and then um not get rejected or judged, you know, or shamed. Um, right, and it's doing that on a daily, daily, daily basis, which is what the containers we offer provide, right? It's this immersive experience where the solution is bigger than the problem, because it's immersive, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think too, from an IFS perspective, clearly there's parts that want to keep all of that stuff hidden when we're having bad days, right, and we're having good days. Sometimes there's parts in there that don't want us to celebrate because we feel like it's temporary and we feel like, you know, is it really important enough to share? We have touched every part of these women's lives that we have held for the last 12 months. We have celebrated everything from them being able to have coffee by themselves, to have dinner on their own, to walk on the beach. You know all the way up to, you know the worst days, you know where they had, days in court, days with custody issues with the ex, all kinds of things right and so I think it really conditions people to know that, no matter what it is, how big, how monumental, how small, how minute you might feel, we hold it all and there's something so magical about being seen in that.
Speaker 1:I agree, yeah, because loves your fear isn't that you'll fail again, it's that you'll hand your heart and money over and no one will catch you. But that's exactly what we built this for is to catch you, and in letting us catch you is how you're able to grow that faith that the universe is going to catch you right. It's in the practice, in real time, that things start to move. So, gentle reminder, doors to DDW this year close September 20th that is around the corner and we will not be enrolling again until next year in September. So either send me a DM that says money and we can chat in the DMs right, or you can scroll down to the show notes and you can book a call with me. Let us earn your trust moment by moment. We love you so much. Peace, dear. Divorce Diary is a podcast by my coach, dawn. You can find more at mycoachdawncom.
