314. What to Do When You’re "Divorce Exhausted" but Can’t Drop the Ball

Thursday episodes are for when your body won’t do what your mind understands.

If you’re exhausted after divorce but still feel like you can’t drop the ball…
 If rest makes you anxious instead of relieved…
 If part of you believes that if you stop managing everything, it will all fall apart…

This episode gives you something to do in that moment.

Not a mindset shift.
 Not a pep talk.
 Not “just rest more.”

In this premium episode of Dear Divorce Diary, Dawn guides you through a body-based reset designed to interrupt the overfunctioning loop that so many women get stuck in during and after divorce.

Because divorce exhaustion isn’t a motivation problem —
 it’s a nervous system survival pattern built on the belief:

“If I don’t carry everything, nothing will hold.”

In this episode, you’ll:

• Locate where the “I have to handle this” response lives in your body
• Identify the belief that keeps you overcontrolling even when you’re depleted
• Work with the part of you that learned effort = safety
• Practice a guided tapping sequence to test a new experience of support
• Begin loosening the reflex to chase, force, or overextend yourself

This is especially for you if:

• You’re doing everything “right” but still feel braced
• You don’t trust help yet — or feel safer relying only on yourself
• You’re tired but can’t relax
• You feel hyper-vigilant, responsible, or on edge when you try to slow down
• Coaching, therapy, or insight hasn’t translated into relief in your body

You don’t have to believe anything new for this to work.

You just need to notice what your body does when effort stops being the only way you feel safe.

🎧 Come back to this episode whenever divorce exhaustion shows up as overcontrol, urgency, or the fear that you can’t afford to stop.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MyCoachDawn

Instagram: (@dawnwiggins)

Instagram: (@coachtiffini)

On the Web: https://www.mycoachdawn.com

A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in the process of building your confidence, forgiveness and letting go.

You can't think your way into healing 🥵 You have to practice your way there 👭If you're ready for the next step, learn more about  A Different D Word and apply here ✨

Transcript

Naming The Real Belief

SPEAKER_03 1:39

This is not a practice to help you relax into your feminine. This is a practice to confront the belief that keeps you stuck in your masculine. Overfunctioning is coming from the belief that if you don't carry everything, it will all collapse. We are not going to replace it with a prettier thought today. We're going to test it out in the body. Let's dig in. Hi love.

Welcome And Grounding

SPEAKER_03 2:10

Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary, the podcast helping divorcees go beyond talk therapy to process your grief, find the healing you crave, and build back your confidence. I'm your host, Don Wiggins, a therapist, coach, integrative healer, and divorce guy. Join me for a fresh approach to healing grief and building your confidence after divorce. All right, love, settle into your body.

Orienting To EFT Sequence

SPEAKER_03 2:41

Body awareness is gonna be key for this practice. So find a seat that will allow you to be body aware. Maybe take a breath. Land in this now moment as best you can. There's no forcing when we do these practices. It is just awarenessing. Is that a word? We're gonna go with it. All right. I want you to start with, we're gonna do a little EFT tapping in this, and we're gonna do multiple rounds. So I just want you to orient to we're gonna start with the karate chop on the side of the hand, we're gonna move to the interior eyebrows, uh, side of eye, under nose, top of flip right, under on the chin, collarbones, bra line under the armpits, and then top of head, that is the sequence of EFT. And then I will cue those as we're doing it, and then we're going to repeat, right? So I want you to drop into your body as best you can. If you can't quote unquote drop into your body, that is just part of this journey. That's just where you are for today. It gets easier with practice.

Locate The Overfunctioning In Your Body

SPEAKER_03 3:42

And I want you to bring to mind one thing you are currently overmanaging. Something that you are hyper-viginal about, hyper-vigilant about, something you feel like you cannot drop. Call that to your attention. Call it to your body's attention, call it to your brain's attention. Now notice where do you feel the I have to handle this part in your body? For instance, is it in your chest, your jaw, your gut, your shoulders? Just notice. I don't want you to try to soften it. I only want you to locate it. I think for a long time I would have said in my head. So if your hand answer is in your head, that is okay. Now, this thing you feel like you have to handle it. I want you to let this next sentence I'm going to begin, I want you to let the sentence complete itself without editing it. I don't

Core Belief And Brain’s Filter

SPEAKER_03 4:59

care how not cute it sounds to you, let it ride. Here's the sentence. If I don't do this, then if I don't do this, then don't look for a mature answer, just listen for the honest one. Common responses are going to be things like, no one will, I'll be alone, everything will fall apart. These are common answers, so just notice your answer. So now you're noticing the thing that you're feeling like you have to over-control, you're noticing where it's activated in your body, you're noticing what your current core belief is. And just notice that your life is unfolding according to this core belief. When you rehearse a thought enough times, it becomes a belief, and your reticular activating system, which is part of your brain, starts to live life and filter life's experiences from that core belief. So just noticing all these things, we are going to move into EFT

EFT Round One: Effort And Safety

SPEAKER_03 6:11

tapping. So you're going to start with the karate chop, which is just tapping on the side edge of your hand. I will cue you when we're shifting. So start chopping, start tapping on the karate chop side of your hand and just hear my voice. You can repeat if you want out loud, or you can repeat in your mind, whichever feels better to you. Tapping on the side of the hand, even though I believe I have to do everything, or nothing will work. I see how hard this part of me has been working. Tapping your inner eyebrows. Even though I believe I have to do everything, or nothing will work. Tapping on the side of eye. This part doesn't trust help. This part doesn't trust help. Tapping under the eye. This part learned not to wait. This part is it can be impatient, it can be impulsive, it can be urgent. It learned not to wait. Tapping your top lip right under your nose. This part believes that effort equals safety. We're gonna stay with that one for a while. So just tapping on this top of lip, this part of you believes that effort equals safety. Now tapping on your chin, that little groove on your chin. Just sitting with this, right? Like that part believes effort equals safety. All right, now moving to collarbones. But in actuality, help doesn't require me to chase it. Help doesn't require me to chase it. It doesn't require urgency. It may involve some gentle pursuit or some intention. Gentle pursuit, right? It does maybe it requires an energy exchange or some effort, but it doesn't require yourself to burn yourself out, to overextend yourself, to overfunction, or to be masculine. So tapping on those collarbones, help doesn't require me to chase it. Now tapping under your armpit where your bra lands, you do not have to believe this yet. You just have to notice what your body does when you hear me say it. Just tapping and sitting with your body's response. Help doesn't require me to chase. Alright, tapping on the top of the head. Help doesn't require me to

Somatic Reframe: Help Doesn’t Need Chasing

SPEAKER_03 9:59

chase. Alright, release and relax that down. Now let's go back to the top where you notice the part of your body that got activated. So it could be your mind, could be your jaw, could be your gut, could be whatever it is, right? Activating that part of you that felt like if I don't overfunction this thing, if I don't over-control this thing, blank is gonna happen, right? So I want you to put a hand on whatever that body part is. And I want you to repeat after me, literally out loud. This one's non-negotiable, right? Out loud, you're going to say. I don't have to know. I don't have to know how or where help comes from. I don't have to know how or where help comes from. I simply need to stop acting or believing like it never will.

Speak It Out Loud In The Body

SPEAKER_03 11:10

So really breathing into that body part, staying grounded in the body. I'm actually going to move my hands right now. I'm doing this with you. I don't have to know how or where help comes from. I simply need to stop acting or believing like it never will.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 11:45

Now, what you're gonna notice is we're going to loop the sequence two more times in this track.

EFT Round Two: Repetition To Anchor

SPEAKER_03 11:52

So we're just gonna literally take the early piece and we're gonna loop it two more times so you can walk through it two more times before you're done. So if you want to do this EFT sequence once, great, but doing it three times, way, way, way better. So we're just looping it here for ease so you can move this energy through the body. This is how we anchor in a new belief. It doesn't come all at once, it comes with repetition. Tapping on the side of the hand, even though I believe I have to do everything, or nothing will work. I see how hard this part of me has been working. Tapping your inner eyebrows. Even though I believe I have to do everything, or nothing will work. I see how hard this part of me has been working. Tapping on the side of eye. This part doesn't trust help. This part doesn't trust help. Tapping under the eye. This part learned not to wait. This part is it can be impatient, it can be impulsive, it can be urgent. It learned not to wait. Tapping your top lip right under your nose. This part believes effort equals safety. We're gonna stay with that one for a while. So just tapping on this top of lip, this part of you believes that effort equals safety. Now tapping on your chin, that little groove on your chin. Just sitting with this, right? Like that part believes effort equals safety. All right, now moving to collarbones. But in actuality, help doesn't require me to chase it. Help doesn't require me to chase it. Doesn't require urgency. It may involve some gentle pursuit or some intention. Gentle pursuit, right? It does maybe it requires an energy exchange or some effort, but it doesn't require yourself to burn yourself out, to overextend yourself, to overfunction, or to be masculine. So tapping on those collarbones, help doesn't require me to chase it. Now tapping under your armpit where your bra lands, you do not have to believe this yet. You just have to notice what your body does when you hear me say it. Just tapping and sitting with your body's response. Help doesn't require me to chase. Alright, tapping on the top of the head. Help doesn't require me to chase. Alright, release and relax that down. Now let's go back to the top where you notice the part of your body that got activated. So it could be your mind, could be your jaw, could be your gut, could be whatever it is, right? Activating that part of you that felt

Reframe And Body Check-In

SPEAKER_03 16:11

like if I don't overfunction this thing, if I don't over-control this thing, blank is gonna happen, right? So I want you to put a hand on whatever that body part is. And I want you to repeat after me, literally out loud. This one's non-negotiable, right? Out loud, you're going to say. I don't have to know. I don't have to know how or where help comes from. I don't have to know how or where help comes from. I simply need to stop acting or believing like it never will. So really breathing into that body part, staying grounded in the body. I'm actually going to move my hands right now. I'm doing this with you. I don't have to know how or where help comes from. I simply need to stop acting or believing like it never will.

EFT Round Three: Gentle Pursuit

SPEAKER_00 17:32

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 17:35

Tapping on the side of the hand, even though I believe I have to do everything, or nothing will work. I see how hard this part of me has been working. Tapping your inner eyebrows. Even though I believe I have to do everything, or nothing will work. I see how hard this part of me has been working. Tapping on the side of eye. This part doesn't trust help. This part doesn't trust help. Tapping under the eye. This part learned not to wait. This part is it can be impatient, it can be impulsive, it can be urgent. It learned not to wait. Tapping your top lip right under your nose. This part believes effort equals safety. We're gonna stay with that one for a while. So just tapping on this top of the lip, this part of you believes that effort equals safety. Now tapping on your chin, that little groove on your chin. Just sitting with this, right? Like that part believes effort equals safety. All right, now moving to collarbones. But in actuality, help doesn't require me to chase it. Help doesn't require me to chase it. Doesn't require urgency. It may involve some gentle pursuit or some intention. Gentle pursuit, right? It does maybe it requires an energy exchange or some effort, but it doesn't require yourself to burn yourself out, to overextend yourself, to overfunction, or to be masculine. So tapping on those collarbones, help doesn't require me to chase it. Now tapping under your armpit where your bra lands, you do not have to believe this yet. You just have to notice what your body does when you hear me say it. Just tapping and sitting with your body's response. Help doesn't require me to chase. Alright, tapping on the top of the head. Help doesn't require me to chase.

Final Affirmations And Close

SPEAKER_03 21:08

Alright, release and relax that down. Now let's go back to the top where you notice the part of your body that got activated. So it could be your mind, could be your jaw, could be your gut, could be whatever it is, right? Activating that part of you that felt like if I don't overfunction this thing, if I don't over control this thing, blank is gonna happen, right? So I want you to put a hand on whatever that body part is. And I want you to repeat after me. Literally out loud. This one's non-negotiable, right? Out loud, you're going to say. I don't have to know. I don't have to know how or where help comes from. I don't have to know how or where help comes from. I simply need to stop acting or believing like it never will. So really breathing into that body part, staying grounded in the body. I'm actually gonna move my hands right now. I'm doing this with you. I don't have to know how or where help comes from. I simply need to stop acting or believing like it never will.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 22:47

So revisit this track over and over and over again when you notice yourself feeling hypervigilant, over controlling, and like your belief and your functioning is such that if you don't handle everything, it's going to fall apart. We love you so much. Peace.