324. The 10 Women Living Inside Your Divorce - Which One Are You?

Divorce doesn’t create just one version of you.

It creates many.

One moment you’re grieving.
The next you’re furious.
Then suddenly you’re nostalgic for a relationship that hurt you.
Then you’re trying to pull yourself together and be the strong one.

Many women think this means something is wrong with them.

It doesn’t.

It means your nervous system is trying to process a profound emotional rupture.

Because inside divorce, there are often multiple emotional states competing for the steering wheel. It can feel like several different versions of you are living inside the same body — each holding a different piece of the grief, the anger, the longing, or the shock.

In this premium episode of Dear Divorce Diary, Dawn explores the 10 emotional archetypes that commonly emerge during divorce — the inner “women” many divorced women cycle through as their nervous system processes loss, betrayal, identity change, and healing.

As you listen, you may recognize one immediately.

Or you may realize you’ve been moving between several of them.

This episode also shares the deeper story behind the Destined Divorce Recovery Blend — a remedy formula created specifically for the layered emotional states women often experience during divorce recovery.

Because divorce doesn’t just break a relationship.

It often activates every unresolved emotional layer in the body at once.

Understanding those layers is where healing begins.

And chances are… while listening to this episode, you’ll recognize one of these women inside yourself.

Maybe even more than one.

Divorce Recovery Blend

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MyCoachDawn

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On the Web: https://www.mycoachdawn.com

A podcast exploring the journey of life after divorce, delving into topics like divorce grief, loneliness, anxiety, manifesting, the impact of different attachment styles and codependency, setting healthy boundaries, energy healing with homeopathy, managing the nervous system during divorce depression, understanding the stages of divorce grief, and using the Law of Attraction and EMDR therapy in the process of building your confidence, forgiveness and letting go.

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Transcript

The Whiplash Of Divorce Emotions

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Divorce doesn't hurt in one way. One day you're numb, one day you're furious, one day you freaking miss him. The next day, thankfully, you're disgusted by him. Sometimes it's all before noon. And you tell yourself you should be further along and you're hard on yourself. But what if you're not unstable? What if you're fragmented? And it feels like different women are taking turns driving your nervousism. Cause they are. The one who replays the conversations, the one who fantasizes about what she should have said. Ooh, that's our favorite. The one who scrolls old photos, the one who feels embarrassed she stayed, the one who swears she'll never trust again, right before she's looking up her old boyfriends on Facebook. Hi, love. Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary, the podcast helping divorcees go beyond talk therapy to process your grief, find the healing you crave, and build back your confidence. I'm your host, Don Wiggins, a therapist, coach, integrative healer, and divorcee. Join me for a fresh approach to healing grief and building your confidence after divorce. Yeah, right. Okay, y'all have heard us talk about homeopathy endlessly, and maybe you're curious, and maybe you're like, it's too big of a loop and I can't handle it. Well, today we're gonna break it down because when we formulated our divorce recovery blend, we didn't start with ingredients. We started with one question. What are the actual emotional frequencies that women who are moving through divorce are experiencing? What is it? What are the frequencies running amok inside of your body right now? And we identified 10. We're gonna tell you their stories today. And as you hear them, we want you to notice which ones have been driving you lately, because these are the exact frequencies we have layered into our homeopathic product for divorce recovery specifically. So if you recognize more than one, that's not accidental because divorce never, ever, ever, ever, ever activates just one state. That's not a thing, right? There are many, many energetic states living inside of you, and we want to tackle as many of them as we can. Okay, ladies, let's start at the top. Star of Bethlehem is a flower essence for shock, right? It's where divorce felt like a car accident. The surreal nature of it, numb but wired, the like I'm fine that happens right after a car accident. But but it's like, but you know you're not really in your body, right? But you're not the shock. Yeah, the shock of it all. That star of Bethlehem. When you hear us talk about um rescue remedy or the little pesty lace candy or whatever, it's in those also, right? So there, I and I don't think that shock happens. I don't would you guys disagree with this, but I don't think it happens at just one point. I think there's this initial, like, okay, we're getting divorced, or you found out he was cheating, or whatever happened, right? But then it happens, it comes up over and over and over again. It happens sometimes in your dreams, right? Where you wake up and you had a a panic attack in your dream, or it happens when you got blindsided when you find out he's dating down the road, right? Or that your kids are about to meet him or whatever. Like or not down the road. Right, or not down the road, right? But there are like all these little moments of shock that happen throughout, right? That are just and they can totally be debilitating while you're trying to like do life along the way. All right. The next one is Ignacia, which is for acute heartbreak. This is for the lump in your throat. You can't quite get a full breath, so you notice you keep sighing, like like crying and then laughing, this emotional whiplash state, this grief that feels dramatic and contradictory. This is an acute heartbreak remedy that that lump in the throat. How many women talk about that lump in the throat? Have you ever sat with someone who's crying hysterically and on all of a sudden they laugh? I see that happen in EMDR therapy also, where we'll be processing pain and then all of a sudden like a a laugh will pop out. That's a sort of a classic igniteous state. Have either of you ever been big sires when you're upset?

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Breathing is kind of that's kind of my that's kind of my thing, right? Because in that in that moment, I just maintained my breath to keep my oxygen level in my bread so I didn't die. But like to breathe was like it felt uh heavy and impossible. Like I had to be told, Joy, take a breath. Joy breathe. Because to breathe was it was like um um like being real, like it was it was more real. If I was if if I if I had to stop pedaling on the water, you hold your breath right, like you're still in shock a little bit, you can't feel it all.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

And then when you let the breath yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Living In The Past: Honeysuckle

SPEAKER_01 5:15

So I definitely relate to the breathing.

SPEAKER_02 5:17

The next one is honeysuckle the flower essence. And this is about living in the past where you're telling yourself the stories of what we used to do. We used to do this, and we used so scrolling the old photos and missing the fantasy and emotionally living like six months before it all blew up. This attachment to the past frequency that I think is part it again, it pops up over and over again. Would you say, like throughout the divorce recovery process, that attachment to the past thing? Absolutely. When you're second guessing your decisions, or when you hit a wall in real life post-divorce, and you're like, oh, maybe I should have stayed, or maybe it wasn't that bad, or anything as bad.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

I remember like right. I remember walking down the hall because I had I had, you know, like the early 2000s collage that was super popular. So like I had this big photo collage on my wall, and I would stop every time I walked by my family pictures, I would stop and be like, was he even happy in these pictures? Like, did he even love me in these pictures? Like, he's so good, you know what I mean?

Private Strength, Hidden Pain: Nat Mur

SPEAKER_02 6:28

Like I would just get on this little like victim, like uh well, and I think the we used to stuff also gets triggered when he moves on, right? Like we used to do that. We used to like when did I stop? When did it stop being me? When did it start being her? When did it, you know, like the but we used to, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. That's honeysuckle. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay, and then there's like one of my current faves, been using this a lot around here lately, but Nat Mirror, Natra Muriaticum. This is for really internalized grief, right? Where I have to be strong in public and I can only unravel in private, and I don't want you to comfort me. And I replay everything internally, and it's like really contained pain. And this is like really rehashing all of the pain of the past over and over again, like rehashing all of the injuries, all of the wounds that happened all along while being strong in public. Like this one is one of the most classic, I think, divorce recovery remedies because we have to be strong. We do, we have to be strong for our jobs, for our kids, just to avoid our own pain. Like, it's like this level of suppression, right? Like, I just have to keep going.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

It's the women in the grocery store that are just looking for the tea. Like, oh, how are you doing? Oh, I'm great. I'm great. I'm fine. Right? Yeah. People looking for the tea. Right, I'm fine. You know? I'm excited about the fee, or whatever you say. Whatever bullshit you tell yourself or her. But I felt that.

SPEAKER_02 8:13

I felt like I had to tell people I was okay. I felt like if I didn't tell people I was okay, then they weren't gonna trust me. I felt like if I showed weakness, like my employer wasn't gonna have faith in me, like I don't know. I just felt like I couldn't show weakness. I was always conditioned like that.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Totally resonate with that. Yeah.

Civilized Rage: Staphysagria

SPEAKER_02 8:38

Yeah. Okay, the next one is a really good one. It's Staphysagria, which is swallowed anger. So actually, like a really good picture of this one is in the South where we live. When people say bless her heart, but they don't mean it nice, which I don't understand that. Like, I want to literally bless your heart. Like, literally, I want to send your heart so many blessings, but in the south they say bless your heart, and they mean that shit is like a knife to your heart, right? And that's Staphosagria, it's humiliated, civilized rage. Civilized rage, that's what bless your heart is. Civilized rage, right? It's basically what it is. And that's the that's this woman that lives inside of you sometimes who she would slash your tires if she could, but she's not going to because she's gonna rise above, right? She feels humiliated, she feels betrayed, she feels like her boundaries are violated. So like every time he violates one of your boundaries in text or the court order or he does something like Staphus agria, like if you get anger headaches, it's staphisagria. If he cannot respect any limit you've expressed, I cannot tell you how many women post-divorce are in a Staphisagria state because he keeps pushing past what is okay for her. And but you stay composed, even though you're mortified, even though, right?

SPEAKER_00 9:59

The flirting text, what are you doing? Can I come over? Can I give you a hug?

SPEAKER_02 10:03

Yeah, no, or the completely blowing past the MSA or like the time-sharing agreement or whatever, or the not paying child support on time, like that's all Staphysagria shit.

Resentment And Scorekeeping: Willow

unknown 10:14

Yeah, yeah.

Shame And Trauma Bonds: Hepar

SPEAKER_02 10:16

Okay, the next one is a flower essence and it's willow, which is for resentment. Why does he get to move on? Keeping score, body tightening, and injustice, the bitterness, the unfairness, you know, just resentment in general. So it's different than Staphysagria because Staphus agria feels violated, it's a boundary, whatever, right? But like in um, it's like I'm swallowing all this anger. But Willow is about that. Why does he, and I think we hear women get stuck in this frequency all the time. Why does he get to move on and I have to do this work? Why do I have to do this work? Why do I have to do this work? And that is the frequency of Willow. The next one is her, and this is for shame and trauma bonding. This is feeling like this whole experience damaged you. You're embarrassed that you stayed, you were stuck in self-blame, you're feeling contaminated literally by the relationship and the decisions that you made and the things that you put up with. This is like a trauma bonding remedy. Would you have resonated with would either of you have resonated with her? It's almost like this. It's a dark twisty. I think it's would either of you.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

I think it's yeah, I think it's the um, well, uh correct me if I'm wrong, but it's very to me, it sounds like very much like the attachment that we were talked about in our Tuesday episode of like going back to him for the yeah, for the emotional regulation or the he was my person and I want him to hear me.

Identity Collapse: Sunflower

SPEAKER_02 11:56

You know those times in the last couple of years where my ex's second wife, because now he's married to his third, where she's reached out and her and I have had some conversations. This is definitely the frequency that refer resurfaced for me during those conversations, like this ick feeling, right? Like this really, really like ick, ick, ick feeling. Yeah. The trauma bond remedy. All right, the next one is a flower essence. It's like we're toggling back and forth between traditional homeopathics and flower essences. The next one is sunflower, and it's feeling a lost center. Who am I without him? Looking for validation, not trusting your own compass, the identity collapse we talked a lot about on Tuesday, right? This destabilized identity frequency really helps ground, right? This not knowing who I am without a relationship. And I've told this story countless times on the pod, maybe not as often recently, but where I was like sitting on the sofa, he had moved out, and I'm like in this big house by myself. And I was like, I wonder when my life is gonna start again. And I meant like by being in a relationship, classic sunflower vibes, like this idea, and and we've done episodes on this, like about how the world sort of favors like couples over singlehood and women just sort of feeling like they don't fit or belong in general, but yeah, not knowing who we are outside of a relationship. That's sunflower. I feel like Coach Tiffany is on a mission to help all women in the world like know who they are outside of a relationship or external validation. Yeah.

Guarded Heart: Rose Quartz

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Yeah. I talk about it all the time in session of how important it is to choose someone from a place where you can stand on your own instead of being a chameleon and fawning over somebody to pick you. And then you get stuck in another shitty relationship where you're watching football when you don't want to, and you're you know, whatever it is, whatever it is. Yeah.

Volcanic Overwhelm: Ijafjallajökull

Integrating Many States

SPEAKER_02 13:53

All right. The next woman who's living inside of you during this divorce is rose quartz, which I am guessing that many of our listeners have floating around somewhere in their house, right? An actual piece of rose quartz, but because rose quartz helps open your heart when it's been closed, right? So when we experience grief and pain and loss, our heart closes and we go to this. I don't need anyone. Hyperindependence, emotional walls, strength masking protection. This one pairs really nicely with Nat Mirror, right? The guarded heart frequency. So this is to help soften without forcing, pairs beautifully with the Nat Mirror that we mentioned earlier, right? I don't need anyone. Hyperindependence, emotional walls. That's rose quartz. So if you have an actual rose quartz in your home or, you know, in your purse or in your desk, like that's to help encourage this softening without forcing of your heart space, right? But this element of this remedy will help soften your walls of your heart. The last one, the last of the 10 frequencies we know are living inside of you. I'm so curious how many of these are resonating for women. I think they would have all resonated for me walking through divorce. I didn't have this tool when I was getting divorced. Like that's what we're here to do, right? Is to give the gift of what we didn't have when we were walking this path. Okay, this one is very cool. It's a volcanic ash remedy, and it is Ijafala. And I am probably not pronouncing that right because it's like a Nordic word, right? Like uh, yeah, it's Danish or whatever. Not a language that comes naturally to me. But this is a remedy. This is the frequency of years of holding it together, and now you can't. Grief, exhaustion, rage, release. And it's just this there's this theme about community. Like, I lost my community, I lost my identity, I lost everything. That's what happens when a volcano erupts, right? It that lava flows down and it destroys everything in its path. And this is for the part of you that feels like she held it all together, and this divorce just destroyed everything, like a volcano burning down a village in its path. And you're not meant to hold it all together anymore. But this frequency is meant to help you reconsolidate, regain a footing after everything feels like it has been lost. So these are the 10 women probably living inside of you during this divorce. Notice how many you recognize because divorce doesn't activate one emotional state, it activates many and many of these simultaneously, right? Like some of these like cycle through, depending on what gets triggered. Right. And that's why it's not a single remedy formula. It's multiple potencies of multiple remedies. Flower essences, which are gentler, right? Which help ground because when we're working through these frequencies, it's uncomfortable, right? Flower essences are very, very, very gentle, where homeopathic remedies do a little more activating, they work so beautifully together. So at the beginning, it felt like different women were taking turns driving in your nervous system, right? And if you recognized three, five, maybe even all ten, I would have been all 10. I'm extra like that. That's your system. Joy's got her hand up.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

That's your system.

How The Blend Supports Healing

Community-Only Access And Reflections

SPEAKER_02 17:22

Trying to integrate all these different layers and experiences because we are not two-dimensional. We are dynamic, multi-layered experiences, frequencies. So we are not here to suppress or numb grief or silence your anger or tell your eruption to be smaller, right? But we are here to help you regulate shock, soften your resentment, support clean anger, right? Because that's what we don't know how to find in this society is clean anger, reopen your heart, and help your system integrate safely. Now, this remedy isn't gonna do the work of, you know, joining one of our programs and having an individualized prescription. It's not going to, you're not gonna take this remedy and suddenly feel like, well, I don't have to recover from divorce anymore. But what it will do is, yeah, it's gonna soften all these things. It's gonna help you integrate these things, it's gonna create a state change, an immediate state change, right? Like people often ask, well, how quickly can you feel the experiences of a remedy? And very often it's like moments after taking it, there's a shift. But it's a cumulative effect over time, right? So if you heard yourself in this remedy blend, then it is for you. And the link is in the show notes if you would like to purchase it. It is available exclusively for our community members. This one is not live on a website, it is not one we sell to the general public, it is exclusive for our community. So you will find the link in the show notes. What do you ladies want to add?

Closing And Personal Shares

SPEAKER_00 18:57

I resonated with a lot of that. I mean, I I really wish that I would have had a lot of this when I was going through my divorce. I specifically resonate with, you know, some people in my dating life have referred to me as cold-hearted, right? So I always had walls up, like I was never letting anybody in. And I can also resonate with the volcanic ash. However, I was the lava. Like I wanted to burn everything down around me because I felt like everything I touched was just fucking it all up. I was burning it all down. I was the So yeah. And the rose quartz, the softness, oh god. Yeah. Like I just, it took me a very long time to get to a point where I could receive love and be warm and gushy and have the walls down and not feel so threatened all the time by a tripper doodle. You're the gushiest today. I am the gushiest now, but I didn't used to be.

SPEAKER_02 19:48

We love you so much. Peace.