358. What If I Don't Fit In After Divorce?

You almost don't go.

The workshop.
The support group.
The retreat.
The community event.
The coffee date.
The thing you secretly want to say yes to.

Because what if it's awkward?

What if everyone already knows each other?

What if you don't fit in?

What if you need alone time?

What if people think you're weird, too quiet, too much, too emotional, not emotional enough?

After divorce, many women find themselves craving connection while simultaneously feeling terrified of it.

In this behind-the-scenes conversation from our Myrtle Beach retreat, Dawn, Joy, and Coach Tiffini pull back the curtain on what happens when women step into spaces where they don't know exactly what to expect—and why that uncertainty can feel so uncomfortable.

Together, we explore:

• Why humans naturally struggle with uncertainty

• The surprising fears women shared before arriving at retreat

• Why having needs can feel so vulnerable

• The pressure many women feel to be "on" all the time

• What happens when you stop trying to perform and allow yourself to be seen

• Why connection often feels scariest right before it becomes healing

• The unexpected magic of being with women who truly understand

• What we've learned from watching women move from apprehension to belonging

Whether you've been considering a workshop, joining a community, attending a retreat, or simply putting yourself back out there after divorce, this episode is a reminder:

You don't have to show up perfectly.

You don't have to know exactly how it's going to go.

You don't even have to feel ready.

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is show up anyway.

✨Join the Cocoon Community - your people are waiting! ✨

🥤Shop Organised - Code: DEARDIVORCEDIARY for 10% off🥤

Transcript

Why Uncertainty Hits So Hard

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Anytime you're doing something really new or unfamiliar, it's gonna kick up insecurity, uncertainty. Humans hate uncertainty. Ladies, are you with me on hating uncertainty? We all like Yeah, yeah. We love uncertainty if it's the in the context of like traveling to Paris. We're like I'm here for the adventure.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

Right, right, right. But the gray area. I just want to know where I stand.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But uncertainty in other domains, like humans hate it. And Renee Brown has talked about this, like the desire to control and predict, control and predict, control and predict. And when I can't control and predict, I want to numb it with a beer and banana nut muffin. I'm quoting one of her infamous TED talks. Um so in today's Thursday episode, we are gonna talk a little bit about we are in full-on retreat planning mode. We are getting ready to leave in the next couple of days to meet the women in our current cohort for retreat. Uh, and this episode is gonna air post-retreat. Doc, we want to talk about the things we're excited about. The women who are getting ready to join us there are feeling uncertain. I would say we're even feeling at the tiniest bit uncertain. I was uncertain about the grocery list this morning. And I needed Joy to read it to me so that I could be sure. Um, but yeah, and I think for those of you that are listening that maybe haven't joined a program, but you're a VIPer around here, but maybe you haven't attended a workshop or maybe you're afraid to take the next step. We just want you to hear us in planning mode what we're excited about this week, headed for retreat, so that it takes that little bit of uncertainty out of it. Like, who are these people? What are they doing? What's this program like? What's gonna happen to me? Am I gonna die? Anxiety feels like that sometimes. So, yeah, this is just sort of a behind-the-scenes look at us feeling into like what retreat is gonna look like uh for us 2026 Myrtle Beach. Hi,

What The Retreat Actually Is

SPEAKER_00 2:14

love. Welcome to Dear Divorce Diary, the podcast helping divorcees go beyond talk therapy to process your grief, find the healing you crave, and build back your confidence. I'm your host, Don Wiggins, a therapist, coach, integrative healer, and divorcee. Join me for a fresh approach to healing grief and building your confidence after divorce.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

And I think that it's like really important to mention too that like these women are in our 12-month program and they have literally been working with each other and with us since October of 2025. So we are literally sitting in month eight, close to month nine. And there are still right a little bit of apprehension about well, what happens when we all get together in a room. Now, there is one that's made it her mission to like travel to different places in the US and spend time with some of the different participants, which hasn't been cool. Like some of them have met in real life. Yeah. Yeah. But like this is the first time that collectively they're all gonna be together in a room.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

And that we're gonna get to be with them together in a room.

SPEAKER_01 3:22

Yes, yes, right. So, like we've met, I've met one of them before in person. Um, but other than that, like, no, like I'm I'm very excited. And look, I understand what everybody's talking about. So, like, side note, quick side note. I I know that I've talked to you guys about my hiking group, but I signed up for this women's hiking group. It's this statewide, but they have an annual retreat in August. And I went ahead and signed up. And it was asking all kinds of questions and things like that, right? And so basically, I'm gonna spend four days in the woods with a bunch of women and we're gonna be kayaking and hiking and rock climbing and swimming and like all of the things meditation, yoga, like whatever. There was a split second moment where I heard one of my girlfriends in the back of my mind who said, Hey, if you ever go to like a hiking thing with your group and you think it's something I'd like, let me know and I'll go with you. And there was a split second where I had this anxious attachment of like, maybe I'll tell her, maybe I'll tell her about this so that I can go and at least know one person because there's gonna be 150 women at this. And then I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm just going and I'm not gonna really know anybody because every time you go on a hike here, there's different women. So like it's not like I have like my core group of women in this group. I just show up and we have to do that. And so it's like right. So it's like now I'm about to go for four days in August and and I really won't know anybody. And instead of feeling super, super terrified about it, I'm like kind of excited about it because I'm like, cool. Yeah, I'm gonna be able to pick my own activities. I don't have to rely on anybody what anybody else wants to do. It's like whatever I want to do.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

And moments like that is where you learn so much about yourself and what is active inside of you right now, right? Like, yeah, it's like where you get to see the little hidden pockets that hide out when you're just living your day-to-day life and you don't know because it's really hard to get like I I touch base with all the women right before the retreat and said, Hey, like, what are you having some anxiety about?

SPEAKER_01 5:18

And ironically, all of them said that it's like the pressure to be together for that many days. And am I going to be seen as rude if I have to just take a moment to myself, if I'm not constantly in conversation, right? If I have to kind of go into my little hermit mode. And I was like, how beautiful is that? Like they're worried about the perception if they're needing to process or feel or whatever. Not having needs about having needs.

SPEAKER_00 5:45

Yes, right. Look, women doing the thing women do. Yeah. Yeah. Feeling guilty for having and expressing needs. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

Yeah. But we can say, like Don Joe and myself, like we all stay in a room together on the retreat, right? And we're all hermiters. So there will be times when we're gonna be interacting with each other, and there's other times when you're gonna find one of us out on the balcony, one of us out on the beach, one of us hiding in the bedroom under the covers. Like it's gonna happen where we're gonna go through moments where we all need to exit the room as well ourselves because process our own experience.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

Yes, right. Yes. Yeah. So cool. So

Cozy Planning And Food Rituals

SPEAKER_00 6:22

um, you know what one of my favorite things to do is in preparing for a retreat. This is now two years in a row, it's sort of a problem. Is I want to buy them all the things. So there may have been a last minute run to TJ Maxx this weekend.

unknown 6:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

I was unaware of that, but that's okay. Yeah, yeah. It'll show up in the bookkeeping. I got you. It was right, it was on point.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

Like she was. It was right. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

But we just want everyone to feel so cozy, so at home, right? We want to make as best as we can like a home away from home for the weekend because something like retreat, as much as we want to look forward to it and and it's such a special opportunity, it's it's uncomfortable. You're out of your comfort zone, you're with people that you haven't spent exactly all the things. Yeah. Um it's very vulnerable. Yeah. Yeah. Vulnerable. But yeah, we've had a good time planning all the menus. We have a very cool surprise. Can we say the surprise now? Because they're, you know, our women are gonna listen to this after the fact. So yeah, yeah, yeah. So we hired a chef, a private chef, to come in for our family dinner Sunday night. And I think we're all really excited about that.

SPEAKER_02 7:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

Um to have like sort of a moment where we all get to be like really taken care of by the chef. Yeah, have a magical experience. But the night before that, this is a sort of interesting thing that we did not do in the previous year's retreat. So we're gonna see if we love it or if we don't love it. But we're all gonna cook together in the kitchen one night.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

And people are bringing like their favorite family recipes, right? Like recipes that are super nostalgic for people.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

Like doing the thing that women have done for eons, right? Is yeah communing together in and around a kitchen and really embracing that sort of feminine piece. So we're doing both ends of the spectrum, right? Bougie AF chef prepared dinner, but also us.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

Let's hang out in yoga pants and just cook in the kitchen and like listen to good music. Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 8:30

Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

And that's and and I'm I'm a huge crier, right? So like I'm about to cry like a lot this weekend, I know. Um, just because yeah, like I I cry when I see these women. Like when I can put hands on women and just like I can feel their energy, it's a different thing for me. And I just get very moved. Um, and a lot of the women are like, well, what are we gonna do all weekend? And a lot of the women in our community want to know like, what is it like at retreat? Like, it's kind of one of those things where we don't want you to do dishes. We don't want you to, you know, like if we can wait on you hand and foot the whole weekend, if all you want to do one day is come over to us and literally lay on the couch and just hang out with us and have us hold your hand and you want to talk about whatever, you just need to cry. Like, we're here for that. I don't think there's a lot of times in life as women where we just get to lay and be for an extended amount of time without responsibilities or expectations. Yeah. And so being able to prepare like this zone where there's literally no judgment, it's just whatever you need in the moment. We want you to ask for it and we want you to know that you're gonna receive it.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Right.

SPEAKER_02 9:32

Which is not something that is naturally easy for most women of asking for what you need. So having an entire weekend, entire space to like really be able to sit into asking for what we need is gonna be beautiful. I'm so excited.

Healing Work Plus Real Downtime

SPEAKER_00 9:50

So those are sort of all the like fun, soft, squishy or whatever moments. But there is also, you know, clinical stuff. That I hate that I'm calling it that, right? But like like healing work built in, right? There's gonna be multiple beach ceremonies. Who doesn't love it? We we're calling it witchy shit, but um, if that offends anyone, like yeah, but beach ceremonies and Yoga Nidra and um, you know, and then a sp a big chunk of time for women to work on recovering a deeper sense of who am I, where am I, what do I still need, what do I need to put down, what do I need to let go of? What do I need to accept about myself on a deeper level? What do I need to forgive myself for? Yeah. So there will be some very intentional time for unpacking that, which will I don't know, in one sense, it's like, is that the hardest part or is the just like having downtime and asking for what I need the hardest part for women? It's an interesting inquiry. We're good at work, right? We're good at right, right, right, yeah, work.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

I think it's gonna be the downtime, right? Because on Sunday we have this window of time, which is five hours, you know, and the women get a free day on Sunday to kind of do whatever they want, right? Integrate. But we as coaches are gonna be available for five hours of time for them to come for whatever they need. So I'm curious to see, you know, who else will take advantage of that, right? You know, and what are they gonna ask for? Um because I I just really wanna, yeah, like that time of availability to them, I think is something that is unnatural. So I think the easy part is gonna be going through the weekend where everything is planned, but it's those moments when things aren't planned and the conversation is a little bit more just casual, right? Like kind of stepping into that awkwardness. It's always awkward with new women. It's very different to meet somebody virtually and be working with them virtually than it is to fill a conversation in a room.

SPEAKER_00 11:48

We know each other so well, and yet, yeah, like we're so close on the one, but then after this, forget about it.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

Um But I had worked with Dawn for, you know, a year and a half, and another year went by. So I'd known Dawn, quote unquote, for two and a half years before I actually met her in person. And so, like meeting her for the first time, I was like, holy shit. Yeah, like I'm meeting this person, you know what I mean? And like, even though I felt like I knew her so well, it was like, you know, wow, like I'm actually gonna see, you know, all of it. It's like seeing your teacher at the mall when you're younger, you know, and they're doing normal shit and you're wild. Like, oh, they're a person, you know? Like, yeah, and I think that that's what is gonna be beautiful about these women too, is like they know us as coaches and supports in the community, but they get to see us wear pajamas. Right, like we're all like we're so normal. Everybody being very normal. Yes. Like, we're all normal. I need my coffee. When Joy said to me, I don't really feel like I'm gonna need my coffee in the room before nine. I looked at her like she was a fucking alien. I'm like, what? I was like, I'm gonna have three cups by 9 a.m. You know what I mean? Like, it's kind of all of that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Um, moments last year were drinking coffee in the morning on the balcony, watching the waves. Yeah, yeah. I loved that.

SPEAKER_02 13:05

Yeah, like I I think that's what I'm like I love the the work, but it's the micro moments of of nobody gets to see me without makeup on. You know what I mean? So like being with the face mask and our pajamas and like the cozy on the couch touching, like our knees touching, or someone in my head in my lap so I can stroke their hair. Like, those are the moments that I can't wait where you connection, just pure connection into the mm-hmm. That's that's in my human design is connection.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

So And them also feeling like they can ask us in that space. Like I remember one of the participants last year when we had walked on the beach, like she really asked me a lot of good questions. It's almost like they wonder, like, well, how much are they gonna open up? Like, how much are they gonna let that professional wall down and like really let us in? And the answer is like everything, right? Because it's like it's like as we go through the course of the program, it's like there's a line between coach and participant, but it's like at the retreat, the lines just everything just kind of comes down and they see us as people. And so I feel like a lot of these conversations that they can have with us are more raw and more vulnerable. Um,

Trust, Transparency, And Ongoing Support

SPEAKER_01 14:14

you know, and this cohort is different, like there's been a significant amount of loss experienced on the coach's side, right? Like John having a miscarriage early on in the first three months of the cohort, me just losing my dad. So like these women too have seen um a lot of shit, right? Yeah. And we've been very transparent about that with them. And I think that, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:36

What, but I think that's actually that bonds us, right? So like we um I'm gonna ruin another surprise. So you know who you are when you're listening to this, just know that we have been praying and planning and and but you know, if someone in our previous cohort um is having a baby, and like we will be forever on team, these women, right? Like we're ever cosmically bound to these women. And so they don't get they don't just to get to 12 months and check out, right?

SPEAKER_00 15:09

Like it's just to be prepared a baby gift and customs baby shower gift. Yeah, so like joy on the game.

SPEAKER_02 15:17

They're forever linked. Yeah. Your, you know, little sisterhood.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

But that's that's the thing too, right? It's like after the program, what happens, you know? And it's like yeah, you're stuck with us. The alumni, right? Like we still have calls with these women that are in these this first cohort that we had. We still have calls with them, like they get check-ins with us. Like, we don't just get to 12 months and are like, see ya, like there's so much support that they feel in love after the program ends.

SPEAKER_00 15:44

No, we only keep building in more, right? Because we are already planning for the next cohort we've built in even more robust, like um mentorship or I don't know, we don't want to reveal too much, but yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right. What else about retreat this year? Like, we're super in that spot where we're like, oh, and don't forget to pack and don't forget to pack and don't forget to pack.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

Right. I just sent you guys a text message of something that popped into my brain I didn't want to drop, but I wanted to be present. So I just like just gonna shoot off a quick quick text. Um, right, because it uh we detail, like down to the details. Yeah, we're swapping out their toilet paper.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

They get, they get nothing but the best for our ladies because we do not like the toilet paper that's in the room. So like swapping out the toilet paper, that level of detail for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:32

So just to to hold, you know, like we just want the them, our women to be held. Yeah. And um be witnessed.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

So there's a buzz. Like last year I felt like there was more nervousness within the team because it was like our first retreat. So there was a lot of unknowns. And there's still unknowns this year, but it feels like a lot more confident, right? Yeah, right. And also the energy within our team, within the three of us, has changed drastically as well in the past year. Like we've all are 12 months fast forward in our journey from last year, whether we're all going through IFS and homeopathy on ourselves. It's and again, I want to reiterate this. We're not sitting here on the other side and building these programs and not using them in our own families. Like we all use IFS. We are all going through IFS ourselves. We are all, you know, we're all using homeopathy with ourselves and with our families. So, like these are modalities that we are using on a daily basis, like carrying with us. Um, so yeah, I mean, I think that and being able to share with these women too, where we're at in our own journeys as well, and being able to be vulnerable and transparent, I think it helps them understand where we're at.

SPEAKER_00 17:44

You know, as nervous, I don't know if that's the right word, but as nervous as we were last year to like get it right or to, you know, provide a meaningful experience for last year's participants. Like at the end, when we asked for feedback and they were like, wouldn't have changed a thing. There are things we wanted to wish we write differently or better, right? But it didn't seem to impact their lived experience. I was it's like one of the moments that I was so stinking proud of our team, like just so unbelievably proud of our team. And yeah, for a first retreat, and now this one we know, right? Like it's like we fine-tuned and yeah, optimized. And it's very exciting, very, very exciting.

SPEAKER_01 18:23

But it's like too, every cohort is different. And even like the group coaching that I do every month is not a rinse and repeat from last cohort. Like we're creating coaching based on what our cohort is feeling, right? Like this program is so individualized, like, and it's not something that we just say, oh, well, we did this last year, we're gonna do this this year. No, everything that we do from our workshops to our group coaching to our retreat, it's so tailored and individualized to these specific groups of women because we trust that the universe has sent them to us for them to grow, but also for us to grow, you know, in our journey as well. So well, so so well. These women have, yeah, like they've taught us a tremendous amount too about ourselves and our team, like as we're going through it. So I think there's a level of trust that is here now that wasn't here a year ago, where we are just trusting, like even as we're about to go into this season of getting ready to launch our third cohort in October of this year, we're getting ready to open it up in July to women that are curious and want to join us on the next one. It's like there is an insane amount of trust in this team that the women who are meant for us will find us. So it's kind of like with this retreat. We just, whatever we're downloading from the universe and we have planned for this weekend, we just feel in our hearts are what's right for this particular group of women. And I want to just hang out with everybody in my jammies and drink coffee.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

What am I? Yeah, but I loved the first night. We were last year, the first night, and everybody came out in their pajamas, and then we were all like, oh, those are so cute. And we're like, I bought them just for this occasion. You know what I mean? Like it was just like such a little fun um moment.

Join The Community Without Performing

SPEAKER_00 19:57

So thank you for witnessing us as we move into this next moment with um the women of this community, right? I want you to think about that for a moment too, right? You are part, if you are listening to this right now, you are part of a community of women. And maybe you don't know the other women, but like, man, we're here.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

And I want to encourage you too, right? If you've been sitting on the sidelines and you've wanted to join a VIP workshop or a Cocoon Connect, um, you know, please feel like you guys can come in. Uh, we have women come in that never come on camera. We have women that join us from the car. We have women that join us when their kids are absolutely chaotic at their feet. And we don't care. Like we want you to feel like you can join and it doesn't have to look perfect. You don't have to look perfect. It it's just about coming as you are and being received. And even the apprehension that you might feel when you hear us talk about our programs. Every single woman that's in our cohort now felt that same type of nervousness before they stepped into this space and they never, they just didn't know what to expect, right? And so I just encourage you. You don't have to know how it's gonna feel, but if you feel that little inkling in yourself that, hey, like that time and day actually works for me for that next workshop, and maybe I should just check it out. Like, step into it, just step into it. We're not expecting you to show up as anything other than yourself, and even if you don't want to talk or share or have your face on camera, I was gonna say I was gonna ask.

SPEAKER_02 21:26

Can they have their camera off? It's like a safe.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

And we have women do that all the time. Yep. And if you're driving, like I'll mute them because you know, I'm not expecting them to be super interactive if they're in the car. But sometimes just having other women witness, and that's what the most powerful parts of these cocoon connects are. And women say it just felt good to be in a space for an hour with other women who get it. And not feel like I had to perform. Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

All right, darlings. Well, the next episode we are gonna record from Myrtle Beach. We will be recording on scene. The three of us will be in the same location and with beach hair and a little bit of sun kissed. And so thanks for coming on the journey with us. We love you so much. Peace.