The Mind Body Project
The Mind Body Project
Healthy Huddle: Food As Self-Care, Not Control
What if your meals felt like care instead of a compliance test? We dive into a mindset shift that can change how you eat, move, and talk to yourself: food as self-care, not self-control. Rather than chasing perfection and paying for “mistakes” with guilt or extra cardio, we explore how to build a balanced rhythm you can live with every day, holidays included.
We break down the difference between restriction and respect. Self-control demands flawless adherence and punishes slips; self-care empowers you to choose what fuels energy, mood, and performance. You’ll hear real-world examples—navigating margaritas and ice cream, the pressure to “work off” lunch, the temptation to turn routines into rigid rules—and the small, sustainable shifts that make consistency possible. We get practical with hunger and fullness cues: simple check-ins that help you pause before seconds, wait 10 to 15 minutes when food is extra tempting, and leave the table feeling good now and later.
We also reframe emotional eating. Instead of calling it “bad,” we treat it as a message: do you need food, comfort, quiet, or connection? We offer alternatives that soothe without backlash, and we lean into gratitude for foods that truly fuel you. On scale anxiety, we put numbers in context—short-term fluctuations don’t equal failure—and we share strategies to keep going when the data wobbles. In the Q&A, we troubleshoot evening eating after a big lunch, including how to test small snacks, adjust by 50 calories at a time, and dial in carbs, protein, and fats for better morning energy.
If you’re ready to trade all-or-nothing rules for a flexible food rhythm, this conversation gives you a clear starting point. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs a gentler approach to nutrition, and leave a review with the one food rule you’re retiring this week.
All right, so we are gonna talk about food as self-care, not self-control. When we think of self-care, what do we think of? When you think of self-care for yourself, what do you think of?
SPEAKER_01:A massage.
SPEAKER_00:A massage. What else?
SPEAKER_01:Getting your nails done.
SPEAKER_00:Getting your nails done. What else?
SPEAKER_01:Quiet time.
SPEAKER_00:Quiet time. That's a good one.
SPEAKER_01:A trip.
SPEAKER_00:A trip? All important things when we think of self-care. And probably, you know, the interesting thing about self-care is that we probably have different opinions on self-care. Some might go, like, for me, a massage doesn't sound like much fun. Just because, you know, that would mean somebody would be touching me. Just not a, you know, Kim and I got one together in Mexico one time and just like kind of freaked me out a little bit. So the interesting thing about self-care is sometimes quiet time can drive people nuts. Because quiet time sometimes means you're left with your thoughts. So self-care is very interesting. And, you know, all of you mentioned different self-care that you like, and really that's what self-care is. It's really what do we like? How do we feel like we take care of ourselves with self-care? And so if we think about self-control, what would self-control be?
SPEAKER_01:The things that you might enjoy, like margaritas, not enjoying them every day, but enjoying them once a month.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Whereas really you would might think self-care, like, I would love to do a margarita every day. I'd love to have a glass of wine every day. Like to me, that's really self-care. But self-control would be I'm just gonna limit to once a week or once a month. What else might be considered self-control? For me, it's for me, it's ice cream. Ice cream would be self-control. I'd love to makes me happy, so I'd love to have it every day, kind of like a margarita, but I don't.
SPEAKER_01:Making myself get up at four o'clock in the morning to come to work out.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, making yourself get up at, I mean, do you necessarily want to get up at four o'clock?
SPEAKER_01:No, that's true.
SPEAKER_00:No, not necessarily. I mean, you might think, well, so when we think about self-care is really the stuff that nobody really has to talk us into. Oh, go get a massage, okay. Oh, spend a little quiet time, okay. Go get a manicure, okay, no problem. But our self-control things are things that we're not always motivated to do. So it does take some self-control, which is also, we could also say self-discipline, because when we're disciplined, we go ahead and do those things even though we may not want to. And really, that's kind of how we view food. A majority of of us would view it as it's really self-control over food. And with with our national obesity epidemic, you know, a majority of our population in the United States would look at as self-control, not as self-care. I mean, just look at the the amount of money being poured into weight loss drugs and things like that. There's a market for it, and there's people wanting to take control. And a lot of times they might say, Well, I lack self-control. So we're gonna talk about food because really we feel like food controls us. And so we're gonna take talk about how do we reframe that from food being dealing with food when we talk about self-control versus self-care. It's really just kind of the change, the way we look at it, we change our mental attitude towards it. So if we think about it, self-control is very restrictive. Like Kim said, I can't have a margarita every day. You know, and we can say that about all kinds of things that we'd like to do. I can't go on vacation every day. I can't go on vacation every week. So we have to have some self-control. It's very restrictive. When we think about when we think about self-care, it's very empowering. How do you feel when you get your hair done? Do you feel a little bit different than when you went in?
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:How do you feel when it's been four and a half weeks since you got your nails done? And you go in and get your nails done. How do you feel when you walk out of there?
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:You feel what?
SPEAKER_01:Better.
SPEAKER_00:Better. Yeah, so so it's very empowering. So those things that we that we choose, what fuels me, what gives me energy, they're very empowering. Where self-control is restrictive, self-care is empowering. And then we think about self-control. It's often rooted in guilt or punishment. It may be as simple as I ate too much last night, so instead of doing one treadmill class, I'm gonna do five treadmill classes the next day. Because now I feel guilty about what I ate. So obviously, I need to punish myself because I did those things. I overeat. So it self-control is often rooted in that guilt, and then oftentimes, how are we gonna punish ourselves to make ourselves not feel as guilty? Well, self-care is more rooted in respect and mindfulness. We're respecting ourselves, we're being mindful, like you go get your hair done, how that feels. You get a massage, how does that feel? I'm respecting myself, give myself some downtime with quiet time. So it's it's more rooted in how I respect myself and the mindfulness of myself. Often self-control is focused on perfection. And we think about we always hear the the saying, practice makes perfect. Have you ever seen anybody practice so much they were perfect? Yeah, no, I mean, and you can practice anything. Um, it doesn't matter. I mean, you may not mess up very much, but perfect means there is zero mess ups and you're always 100% on point. And really that's what self-control is. You know, how many diets have you been on that you have to focus and you have to follow that plan exactly? And you can't deviate from it. And if you happen to go to a practitioner or somebody that gave you that diet plan, and you go back and say, I'm not losing any weight, they say, Well, okay, well, let's talk about it. Oh, well, you didn't do that one thing, and so that's why you you you know, you lost, you didn't lose one single pound. And so it's because self-control, it's so restrictive that it has to be perfection. Whereas self-care is really based on balance. It's balance, you know, so it may be a little bit more today, so I'm gonna eat a little bit less tomorrow. It doesn't mean I'm gonna do 10 hours of cardio, it just means I'm gonna do a eat a little bit less food, maybe put in a little extra effort on the cardio that I do do. So it's balance. It's how do we balance it? Again, self-control, going back to the fear focus on perfection, we're driven by fear of messing up. What if I mess up? What if I go over my points on Weight Watchers? What if I have, even if it's a low carb tortilla on my keto diet and my ketones are off? What I mean, I don't want to mess that up. I mean, we have to be right there. Whereas our self-care is driven by intention and kindness. When you get a massage, you're being kind to yourself. When you get your hair done, you're being kind to yourself. When you have that quiet time, you're being kind to yourself. Sometimes when you go outside for a walk, you're being kind to yourself. So that's really where you're driven by. And then when we talk about self-control, it's really for short-term success. You think about you think about diets. Has there ever been a diet that you've been on for years and years and years? Probably not. Because if you think about all diets are designed for short-term success, not long-term. They're really, they're not, they're geared for short-term success, long-term burnout. Because you go, well, I wasn't perfect. I'll start again. Well, I wasn't perfect, I can't have this, I can't have that. Well, now I've got to punish myself. We go through all these things. Whereas self-care is how do we make it sustainable and we enjoy it? Because that's really how we form those habits. Is that's why I say, tell somebody, if you hate running, don't run. If if you hate power walking, don't power walk. Do something else. There's a whole lot of whole lot of activities you can do to get the same benefits. If you don't like a certain thing, don't do it because the chances are you're never gonna like it. And you're always gonna dread that thing. So, or or if you just kind of don't like it, find a way to make it more fun. Maybe it's coming to a group class or doing cardio with other people instead of by yourself. Some people hate going outside to run, some people hate being on the treadmill. So you got to find what works to make it long-lasting, sustainable, and enjoyable. So when we when we think about food, and we've talked about self-control versus self-care, we have to tune in to how we think about it, not tune out. So, what does that mean? So maybe that means we're more mindful about our food cues. So, what does that mean? So, in other words, we have to, am I hungry or am I bored? Am I full or do I just want more? And sometimes food is so good. I mean, how many, I mean, I'm probably not the only one that gets a bellyache at Thanksgiving. Because is it because extra hungry? No, it's because it's so um, it's so good. I want more. And then don't we give ourselves the reason? Thanksgiving's only once a year. I only get this food once a year, so I'm gonna eat it all.
SPEAKER_01:But I'm not gonna change my mind on that.
SPEAKER_00:And I'm not saying we have to because again, when we talk about self-care, it's balance. Will I forego some things during the holiday season to hit that Thanksgiving day or the four days after that you have leftovers? Yes.
SPEAKER_01:For the week.
SPEAKER_00:Because it's not restrictive. Self-control would be I can't have that. I can have that one meal and that's all. Kim and I one year, I can't, it's been a long time. It's probably been 16, 15, 16, 17 years ago. We had a contest with clients and all that to see who could lose the most body fat. And so Kim and I, I remember going to a Christmas at our grandfather's, and we had one plate. I mean, it was like our favorite Christmas meal of all time. All year long. We look, look all the good cooks. I mean, all the grandmas come out. I mean, it's just the best. And we had one plate of food with one spoonful of everything and no dessert. That is not self-care. That is self-control. It was so hard to not have everything. Whereas self-care goes, I can have that, but maybe I just don't want as much. Self-care goes, I can have that. I just don't want to feel that really tight feeling that I need stretchy pants after the meal. I don't really like that, so I'm gonna have a little less. That's why self-care comes in. But it's also listening to or being full. How many times do we go back for seconds and we're already halfway through the second plate when we realize we were still full from the first plate? It happens quite often. Then it goes to, you know, if we wait 10 to 15 minutes before we go get that self-second helping or dessert, we'll realize, oh, I wasn't really hungry, I just wanted more. But again, sometimes that that may look at self-control, but we can turn it into self-care because we go, I know if I wait 10 or 15 minutes, I'm gonna be full and I'm gonna feel better afterwards. So I don't want to go do that because I really want to take care of myself. So that's really how you tune in, you tune in and you turn it from control, I can't have that, to I don't really want that. It's more about self-care. And then what too, we have to think about how we replace our we replace our food rules because we always have those food rules. All the diets have the food rules: no sugar, no carbs, no fats, high protein. They all have, I mean, you could list all the rules these diets have. And no wonder we get so confused. And so I don't know what to do. If we look at it as a food rhythm, it's more of a it's flexible, kind of like we talked about. If I eat certain foods at certain times, I feel better. It doesn't mean I can't have carbs at night, it doesn't mean I can't have some sugar in the morning, it doesn't mean that I, you know, have to cut all those things out. I might like a little extra fat because it helps me have more energy, or I don't have a crash, I don't need a nap. So we find that rhythm. And isn't it a rhythm more flexible? If you think of rules, they're really rigid. If you break this rule, what happened if you broke a rule as a kid? Your parents said, This is the rule, and what typically happened?
SPEAKER_01:You got a whipping.
SPEAKER_00:You got a whipping. Back in the good days, you got a whipping. Now you just now you might just say, Well, I'm taking your phone away. Okay. So, but rules are rigid. Whereas a rhythm is really flexible. I would say my parents, at, you know, I was the last one left at home, and so they were worn out by the time it came around to me, so they had more of a rhythm because they were really flexible. They kind of had rules, but they were kind of flexible on them. I could get away with a lot. It was kind of, we might think, look at it as an ebb and a flow. It's good, it's bad, it's good. That's a rhythm. It's good and bad. So we want to replace those rigid rules with some flexibility and some rhythm because that's more about self-care. Then we have to turn our guilt, turn it into gratitude. Because a lot of times we have guilt for those foods that we're eating that maybe we're punishing ourselves later for. And we're punishing ourselves for extra time in the gym, or we say, well, I'm not now I'm gonna fast for 12 hours or 18 hours or for a whole day. We're punishing ourselves. Instead, we need to be grateful for those. That the foods we're eating, they're fueling our body. So we choose those foods. When we start to tune into those foods, we become grateful for those foods. I know what foods are gonna really make me sluggish. I know what foods are really gonna give me some energy. You know, there might be certain foods that you eat right away, and as soon as they go in, they're ready to come out. Because, so what do you usually do? Okay, I'm going out to eat. I really don't want to eat that food because I know what it does to me. And the same thing is true. If it makes you feel sluggish, lousy, bloated, then you start not having it not because you can't, but because you realize I don't want to because I don't want to feel that way. And that's really where self-care, because I want to take care of my body. Because how many bodies do we get?
SPEAKER_01:One.
SPEAKER_00:One. We can maybe do some plastic work to it, we can do some lift and tuck and nip, but we only get one one body. We don't get we don't get to trade it in when it's 20 years old or 40 years old or 60 years old. We don't say, hey, give me a brand new body, give me a newer model. We don't get that. And you think about, I mean, you think about what we do to our bodies. We probably a lot of times treat our cars that we have for maybe five years better than we do our bodies. We put better gas in it, we vacuum it out, we put the cloth on it, we wipe it down, we make it look pretty. But the fuel we put into our body sometimes is junk. We don't take it out and exercise it. We don't do those things. So we don't treat it the way we should and we should have gratitude towards it and say, what kind of foods can I take in that's gonna make my body, my machine, the one and only one I have, the most productive and efficient one I can. And so we can go, we can be add that gratitude through food to our body. And then when it comes to emotional eating, sometimes we we talk about emotional eating. Some people are emotional eaters, some are not. But when we we talk about that often we talk about that's bad. But what about when we refrain it to that's really just a message? What message is your body giving you? Your body, your mind, think about maybe you ask yourself, what do I actually need right now? Maybe it's maybe it's not food, maybe it's some comfort, maybe it's as Renee said, maybe it's some quiet time. Maybe there's people constantly around and you need a break from that. So it's really asking yourself, what message is it telling me? And then it not only what message is my emotion telling me, but what does my body really need? Does my body really need food? A lot of times when you're emotional, and if you're an emotional eater, does it need food? Is your body saying, I need food? What's telling you you need food?
SPEAKER_01:You.
SPEAKER_00:You.
SPEAKER_01:Habit.
SPEAKER_00:Habit. Yeah, habit is too. When I get sad, I go for the Oreos. When I get happy, I go for the ice cream. You know, so it is because we're habit, it it is a habit, creature of habit of when I'm happy, I do this. When I'm sad, I do this. When I'm by myself, I do this. When I'm lonely, I do this. So it can create those habits. But when we look at it and we think about it, our body isn't telling us that. Now, there has been times when I have been on low carb diets and been on them for an extended period of time. I could there, I mean, I could hardly move, I could hardly have any energy. So I would eat a package of crackers or something that had carbs in it, and I'd within five minutes, I'd start feeling energy and have a little bit more pep. And that's the body saying, you know, it needs food. But a lot of times, I doubt in this day and age, in the group I'm talking to, your body gets to the point where it says, I'm about to eat myself. I am starving. A lot of times it's our mind that says, I need something. I need it to crunch, I need it to munch, I need something. So our emotions aren't a bad thing. We just have to be, we have to tune in and listen to those. And and really it's about when we eat, you know, we can reflect, and we talk a lot about reflection, whether it's in sit and talk, walk and talk, healthy huddle, we always have to reflect. And we talked about this at Mindful Monday about doing your best. And part of that has to do with reflection. That goes with even with our food. We think at the end of the day, or maybe you even do this every time you go for food. And right, am I right now? Is it self-control or self-care? I would hope that you know, a lot of you are kind of in the habit when it comes to food of self-care. But I think it's when we get kind of hard on ourselves, is when we step out of our routine. When you step out of your routine, do you start to have some guilt? There may be you may be so routined, and routines are good, but they can also be very dangerous. Because what sometimes routines can turn into rigid rules, and then you don't have that rhythm. So, you know, a routine and a rigid rule would be I didn't go work out this morning, and then you have guilt all day long because you didn't. A rhythm would be I didn't go work out, but I went later in the day, or I did something at home that I could work out that I would call a workout later in the day, or that evening. That would be a rhythm. So we have to be really careful, especially when it comes to food, because some get so attached to the foods and the rules to, and they may have created it. You may have created your food rules. This is what I'm gonna do, not do. And then you become so rigid with them, it is the hard, fast rule that you can't deviate from, and that can get you in trouble. You know, it's okay to have that, whatever. Maybe you had something different for dinner that you didn't have the other four nights. That's okay. That's part of the rhythm. It doesn't mean, and again that goes back to balance. So it's the balance of maybe maybe you're still journaling it. It fits within my, if we go with fits and within my macros or my calorie budget, it's whatever works for you, but does it fit? Yes. It's okay if it's different, it doesn't have to be a copycat of every single day, but it's okay if it's different if it fits what you're looking for. So we have to really be careful that our our own imposed food rules don't turn into rigid rules, which then we have all that guilt from. That may be even going to weighing in. You know, I weigh every day, and I have guilt if I don't weigh, because if I don't weigh, I must have got fat overnight. And if I got fat, I know I got fat, I know I did. So now I don't need to eat all day. Or I'm only gonna eat 500 calories today because I didn't get on the scale today, and I just know I gained five pounds. So again, that's going from that's self-control. When self-care is like, it's okay if it didn't weigh today, knowing that I couldn't have gained five pounds in one day. Does everybody know how many extra calories you have to take in to gain one pound?
SPEAKER_01:2500?
SPEAKER_00:Higher than that.
SPEAKER_01:35.
SPEAKER_00:3500. 3,500 calories. You have to eat extra to gain one pound. So if you think about gaining two pounds, let's say you weigh once a week and you gain two pounds this week, and and you get all bent out of shape about it because you've been eating right, you've been exercising, and if you reflect back over your week, did you probably eat 7,000 extra calories? And the answer is probably no. Along it's not a holiday week. But on average, if you're in your routine and all that, and you know, you didn't. You may have had that one energy drink, you may have had that one cookie, that one cupcake, you may have had that extra little helping, but it didn't add up to 7,000 extra calories. Again, because self-control goes, oh, well, it's punishment time, I gained two pounds. Where self-care is it's probably a little bit of water weight, it's probably just my body. So self-care goes, I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing because I feel great doing what I'm doing. And that's the thing is if you feel great doing what you're doing, then keep doing it. When it comes to food, the food just adds to that. How does it make me more efficient? How does it make me better? How does it make me do more? So we really want to reframe our food from self-control to self-care. How am I gonna take the best care of myself? So that's the challenge when you have food, each meal, each day, is you know, how am I looking at this? Is it self-care or self-control? And how can I reframe this meal this day to taking care of myself? Any thoughts, comments, or questions about food or anything in anything related to food or anything?
SPEAKER_01:I have a question.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:I usually eat a large lot, and by the time I get home in the evening, I'm really not hungry. If I don't eat, or if all I do is kind of smack around, then the next morning I'm I'm sluggish, I work after that, I'm flow, I feel like if I eat, if I force myself to eat, then I do feel better the next morning. So should I force myself to eat even though I'm not hungry? It it it it depends on getting I'm not getting enough hours, I guess is my question.
SPEAKER_00:Right. So so it may be a challenge to eat, but if you try to make that a habit in the evenings, maybe a little snack, maybe something, kind of play around with it, you'll get your body will get, even though you eat that big lunch, it'll start looking for some food, and you won't feel like when you eat that meal that night. Does that make sense? So the the more you keep trying to do it, and and start out little and see, you know, and kind of find that balance of, you know, I would start out little, and if you feel the same way the next morning, then add a little bit. I'm talking about add a little bit like 50 calories, you know, not much, a little bit at a time, to see where that fine line is that it I feel good. And then once you find that calorie range, then you can start playing around with some maybe the types of food you eat. Is it a little more carb, is a little more protein, is a little bit more fat? What kind of then you can dial it in more.
SPEAKER_01:What do you what do you snack around on? Oh, usually crackers. You know, you know, a couple of crackers or uh brakes, things like that. Just just something that just muddles just at my mouth when I'm really not hungry.
SPEAKER_00:So so m so maybe maybe have some of those, but maybe add in some healthy fats, some nuts of some sort, just to see if that, you know, something that's not really gonna make you feel bleh or full, but might carry over into the next morning and combine them.
SPEAKER_01:It makes me feel guilty if I sit down and eat a meal up here.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Have you thought about not having such a big, big lunch and and then be able to have dinner? I guess I could do that, but but I feel like if I eat a big lunch, then I have to ask me to work it off.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And and and that is a that is a great example of that those are self-imposed food rules that you're feeling guilty about. And I mean I mean that is a real thing. And and we I make it sound easy, but it is not. That's a hard, that's a hard thing. So I mean there are a couple things you can play with it, but again, it has to be what can you handle mentally? What can you handle mentally? So just play around with it. That's that's a good point. That's good.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Any anybody else have a question or comment or thought? All right. Well, if you have any thoughts or questions and you think of them, just let me know. But thank y'all.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you very much. Have a great day. Bye. Thank you.
SPEAKER_00:And thank you to each of you for joining us this morning on Healthy Huddle. And I look forward to you joining us next time right here on Healthy Huddle.