The Mind Body Project
The Mind Body Project
How Borrowed Confidence And Small Comebacks Build Unshakable Self-Belief
We explore how a 1950s Harvard rat study reveals the power of hope, then turn it into three practical strategies to build belief: borrow confidence, recall rebounds, and practice self-cheering. Stories from training and obstacle races bring the ideas down to earth with clear, usable steps.
• Why hope extends endurance and effort
• Borrowing belief from trusted people when confidence is low
• Turning past “sinks” into a rebound archive
• Using physical examples to train mental courage
• Practicing your own cheer with specific, repeatable reps
• Framing wins by completion and growth, not placement
• Setting a small challenge to build belief today
Take something away from every single one of our conversations and put it into practice
Welcome to Sit and Talk. Thank you so much for taking time to join us this evening. We are, this is your first time. Welcome. We just uh have a topic each week that we talk about and we join our live call. And so we may have some QA, we may have some people on the call that have some input and some things they want to say. So we'll join in. And again, thanks for joining us for sit and talk, and we'll join the live call. So we are gonna talk about being a lab rat or really some things that a lab rat can teach us. So this story, you can check it. It is true. Maybe the first time I told it, someone might have checked on me to see if I was just making it up because surely this has to be made up. But it's not, it is a real story. So during a study at Harvard, it was back in the 50s. This doctor's name was Richter. He he was he placed rats in a pool of water to see how long they would could tread water. Because you know, we test everything with rats. So he put them in there to see how long they could tread water in this pool. On average, they gave up and sank after about 15 minutes. Now, I don't know if there are any rats harmed in this study, it doesn't say. So we're not sure what happened to the rats. But but these rats, on average, they sunk after about 15 minutes. And so right before they sank, the researchers would grab up the rats, take them out of the water, they'd dry them off, they'd let them rest for a few minutes, and let them get a little bit their breath back, and then they'd put them back in the water, the pool of water. So the first time they did it, they lasted 15 minutes. So if you only answer this if you haven't heard the story. In the second time, how long do you think they lasted? Do you think they were able to last five minutes? 20 minutes. 20 minutes. Anybody else got another guess? They lasted 15 minutes the first time. Five minutes. They were a little tired. Any other guesses? Won't even let you phone a friend. So the first round, 15 minutes. They started going down, they took them out, let them rest, dried them off, put them back in. The second time they went in, they were able to last 60 hours before treading water. Treading water. Treading water. Again, I know you're not that's why I checked it, Renee. Kim did check it. Because sometimes if I want to make something sound important, I'll say study show. So there may be times when you may need to check me if I say study show. Because anytime you're listening to something, if you hear something, somebody say study show, you're not gonna go check it, you just believe that they did it. But they did they lasted for 60 hours, treading water without drowning. Six zero, not one six. Not one six, six zero, six zero. Yes, six six days, sixty days, sixty hours, you know, well over two and a half days they lasted treading water. So the question is then what happened? What happened in that 15 minutes, and then that two two, three minutes that they dried them off and let them rest? What happened? So, right before they went underwater, the researchers grabbed them, and so the next time they went in the water, they believed at any moment that they were gonna be taken out of the water again. So it's that hope that they were gonna be saved is what kept them going. It was the belief that at any moments somebody was gonna pick them up out of the water and save them, and so that's kind of what we're gonna talk about is how do we create that kind of belief in ourselves? How do we take a bunch of rats and a research study done at Harvard back in the 50s, you know, almost over 70 years ago, and how how is that applicable to us? How do we apply some of those things learned in that study to our everyday life? How do we create belief in ourselves? And so that's what we're gonna talk about is we're gonna talk about three different ways, strategies that combined together, we can start creating some belief in ourselves. Because think about different things in your life. There may be some shaky belief on, believing maybe that you can do a certain job, or you can move out of a certain income bracket, or you can move to a different location, or a belief that you can grow into something else, or even change careers. So we're gonna talk about how do you and I and I think all of us at some point have a little bit of doubt or lack of belief in certain areas in our life. Um, there may be other areas we're really strong in, and then there's those areas that we have a little disbelief in. And how do we how do we create that? Because sometimes that's really hard to do. And so we're gonna talk about those. So what do we do when we don't have any belief in ourselves? Has there been times when you think you you've told somebody I can't do this? Um, whether it's um starting a new job, moving a house, going to a new school. If you've ever gone to a new school, that's pretty scary. I went from junior high to a new school in high school, and that was pretty scary, especially at 14. So sometimes when we don't have that belief in ourselves, we have to rely on the belief of someone else in us. Um, because there's sometimes when we think, I can't do this. And so it happens a lot of times because we question ourselves, all we have all those doubts, all those negative things come into play about what we, you know, all those negative thoughts that we've talked about that rotate in our head over and over and over start playing, and then they start getting amplified. And somebody gives them a bullhorn, a megaphone to talk to, and then they get louder and louder. So we have to rely on that belief of someone else sometimes. So there's times when I have clients and I hand them a weight, and they may look at the weight and go, Well, I can't do that. I said, Yes, you can. And so I give it to them and they do it, and they're surprised. And that's a physical way of saying, you know, I know what you're capable of. So I'm gonna give you this weight. I think, you know, I mean, I'm gonna say some of you are guilty of that in workout. You can do more. I what so when I see you do certain weights, I think they can do more. But sometimes it's like there's a number on that, and I don't think I can. And that in that instance is I believe you have to sometimes rely on the belief in me that I have in you that when I give you a weight that is five to ten pounds more, you go, okay, I can do that. If he if he thinks I can do it, I can do it. And there's and and that's just a physical way of we can handle weight and and do more. And and you know, that happens a lot for me as a trainer to give somebody more than what they think they're capable of, more than what their body, they think their body is capable of. We did a number of years ago, we did a tough mutter obstacle course. It was, I think it was 13 miles. I had a bunch of different obstacles in it. I think it was a tough mutter, is that or Spartan? But anyhow, so there's this obstacle where you have the water, you have to go underneath this obstacle, and the water's like right up to the obstacle, so you have to fully submerge. And it it'd be okay probably if it's in a pool and the water is all clear, but it is the nastiest water because it is muddy, everybody has gone through that water, like you don't really want to get the water in your mouth because you don't know what's in it. It's just off, it's gross. So one of our teammates, she didn't want to go under the water, like she was just scared to death of going under the water. Like you could see it in her face, her eyes. I mean, she couldn't do it. As she was in the water, she was right in front of the obstacle. And I talked to her, her husband went on the other side. He was oh he'd be over there. That that wasn't working. And so he came back over and we were talking to her, and I mean, nothing. And so I had to share with her, you know, I believe in you that you can do this. And so I went to the other side and reached under, stayed underwater so I could put my hand up so she could see my hand, so that way when she knew she came under, I'd be there to grab her. And and and I'm telling this as it happened rather within seconds, but it would it was minutes. Um, like I thought, I don't know if we're gonna be able to get her to do this. Um, but finally she did. Um, and she came up on the other side. And um she was really proud of herself for doing that. Um, but it was not because she believed in herself, it is simply because uh myself and her husband both believed in her that she could do it. Um, and so sometimes relying on somebody else's belief isn't always easy, but it takes a lot of time and it takes a lot of convincing because you tell yourself all the reasons that they are wrong, even though they can see what your potential is. So I often tell clients when I train them, I'm not training, we'll start where you're current, where you're currently at, but we're training the future you because I can see what you're capable of, I can see where you can go. You can't see it yet, but I can see it. So if you'll just trust me, then we'll get there. We'll start where you are now, but we'll train you according to who the future you is. It's the same thing on anything that we want in life. Sometimes, and again, we use I use weights a lot because it's physical, but even the mental. We'll start you where you're at, but we can see what you're capable of, especially how many times as teachers can you see a kid and see his potential or her potential, but she or he doesn't see it, but you can clearly see it. All the time, all the time, yes. All the time, and the same thing is true for us, and and and you and you're looking at the kid going, why aren't you getting this? I mean, I can see that potential in you, but we're guilty of it just the same because just whatever that is scary to them, the same is scary to us. Like that is so big, I don't think I'm capable of that. And sometimes we just have to say, okay, if you believe in me and you think I can do it, then I'm gonna do it. And that's really scary. And that's just like standing in front of an obstacle that you have to fully submerge to go under. Those are physical things. Sometimes the mental part is harder. There's things we have to, we have to mentally submerge ourselves to get under the obstacle and come up on the other side. I mean, those can be very challenging. And so and sometimes it just takes somebody on the other side that says, I believe in you. Here's my hand, and come come with me. That's one of the reasons I love obstacle course races because it pushes people beyond what they think they're capable of. And then it's a lot of times it takes a team to you know push them over a wall, whether it's putting their hand under a foot, pushing up on a rear, a leg, tossing them over, whatever it is. It's very powerful to say you can do this, and we're here because we believe in you and we're gonna support you. It's a very physical way to see how people are supported. So, so we don't always have that belief in ourselves, but we do have to have those around us that we trust enough that we can rely on their belief in us. And and then the next one is just like the rats. Um, the first time, when did the researchers save them 15 minutes, 15 minutes after they sunk? So they had to go under to have that fear, I'm about to drown, when the researchers then grabbed them because now they have belief and hope that they're gonna be saved next time. And so think about in life. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I've had sinks in life, like I've gone under. And but then come back up. Maybe it saved myself, somebody helped, whatever it is. We um we have to reflect on those little sinks in life. Um, because we've all had them and and we've come back from them, and so we have to remember that when you know we do have those sinks, um, you know, what did they look like? How did I recover from that sink? Um, you know, then we start to believe in what I'm capable of. You know, I had that sink and I could come back from that. What things did I do to come back from that? You know, we see all the time when somebody is in a in a bad accident of some sort and they're in rehab, and they come back to, you know, doing whatever it is they were before. It's a long road to recovery. But they look back and go, that gives them strength. Like if I did that, I can do anything. There's a guy on TV, I think it was yesterday morning. Anyhow, and it caught my eye, and it was before we started the five o'clock class, I think. And it was Colin O'Brady. If you never heard of it, he's a pretty amazing explorer. He's a mountain climber, all that. But he was burned over 75% of his body. They never thought he'd walk or anything like that. But he he he's recovered and he crossed the Antarctica. He was the first person to do a solo cross across the Antarctica. Um, he climbed the seven summits um on the continents in record time. I mean, he's um rode across um some sort of sea, but really amazing. Um, but he's come back and he's done all that because and he's had problems in between, but we see those sinks again, that's physical. We see them, and how do we recover from that? And then we have to really rely on that recovery from our sinks to give us a belief that we can do it again. Because think about when you're a kid and you fall off your bike. Does that seem like a big deal now to you? What if I fell off my bike now? Well, it would if you fell off your bike now. But when you're little, it's not, I mean, it's a was it a big deal though when you're little? You probably I mean, if you might have cried, um, you might have got scraped up, um, but now you go, well, that probably wasn't that big a deal. Um and maybe in high school you had a significant other and they broke up with you, and you thought it was the end of the world, like life will not go on, and then life goes on, and you realize, oh, there's other guys out there, it's not the end of the world. Um, life will go on. Um so we keep coming back from those little sinks because those little sinks get us get us uh more prepared for the bigger ones that happen in life because there's always gonna be something bigger. Um, and and these little things help us because we can go, okay, what happened last time? What did I do? How did I get back from that? Um, and and that's also called a rebound effect. Um, how we rebound from things. Um, how do we rebound from those sinks? Sometimes we it takes us longer to rebound, but over time, through a process, we can rebound quicker through from those through a through thought process and and how we internalize it, how we process it, we can move forward and move up faster. But we have to really focus on our belief in ourselves and how did we keep overcoming that? Because we will, you know, and some of us have already had big things, and some of us have already had big things, and there's gonna be bigger things that uh we're gonna have to look back on those, reflect on those little sinks or those medium-sized sinks or the big sinks, and think, how did I move forward? How do I believe in myself to keep going? So those are important. So we have to reflect on those and see how did we overcome those? Because all of you, as you're on here today, you know, you've made it through everything so far. It hasn't it hasn't knocked you out. You're still sitting upright, you're still making it. It doesn't mean that we always make it pretty and we're always sitting upright pretty, but we're still make it. So we have to remember that and believe, okay, I got through yesterday, I didn't get through today. And so we have to reflect on those. And the last one is probably one of the hardest things we have to do, because I don't think we do it near enough, is be our biggest cheerleader. Usually we're our biggest thumbs down person. Like you're doing awful. Very rarely are we the our biggest cheerleader. So every all the races I've done over the years, over the last 17 years, I've done a lot of them. All kinds, everywhere. So all of them, except for one. Kim's always been at the finish line to cheer me on. At every one of them. And the one she wasn't was only because Gracie was in the hospital, and there was no way she could. But so I come across the finish line, and there's there's times when I've been really disappointed in how I did. There's been times that I've been so exhausted, I haven't wanted to talk, I haven't wanted to even look at her, could barely get a wave at. But no matter how I come through that finish line, she is always cheering me on with a smile and clapping and saying, You can do it. No matter how I look, no matter how defeated I look, how grumpy I look, how mad I look, she's always there to do that. And I think of when we are our biggest cheerleader, are we doing that for ourselves? Or are we saying, you know, it didn't look pretty? It it wasn't, it didn't go the way we wanted, but but we're going, we're getting closer to the finish line. We hit the finish line. You know, you you you reflected on your little sink and you overcame that. It's not really the way you wanted to overcome it, but you did. And we can be proud of ourselves for that. You know, as we talked about last week about shifted moments, in that moment, you can be your chair, like you, you you crossed the finish line, you did good. Maybe it's just, maybe it's just a completion. You know, a lot of all the events I've done, I think I've maybe got third place once and like I don't know how many ones I've done. A lot of them are just it, it's it's me against me. Can I complete it? Can I do it? How do I feel doing those things? And so a lot of times it has nothing to do with there's 900 people that finished in front of me, there's 5,000 people that finished in front of me. It was how did I do? How did I feel that I did? And you know, just like cheerleaders in high school, they usually have practice, like lots of practice, like before the school year starts, they're going to cheer camp and and going doing all those things, learning those perfect cheers. After, you know, once they start school, then they're going, you know, a couple hours every day to cheer practice and the games and all this stuff. Well, we're no different. If we're going to cheer ourselves on, we have to practice. And it takes practice to be a good cheerleader, to be a good cheerleader for yourself. The Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, as we've seen on Netflix, they just don't show up on game day and you know, know all the moves to the to thunderstruck. It doesn't happen. You know, Kelly and that other girl tell them all the things are doing wrong, all the all the ways. And they practice and practice and practice, and you know, and then they have somebody that helps them practice. So we have to expect the same of ourselves. We may not get it right all the time, but we still have to practice being our own cheerleader, even in that moment when we think everything is gone wrong. What's the one thing I did a little bit right? Maybe it's just I feel good I crossed the finish line. I got, you know, a leg kind of hanging off. I broke another leg. My I got a bunch of cuts, and I'm I'm crawling across the finish line. So maybe it's just I crossed the finish line because sometimes isn't that what happens to us in life? We we're moving along, we break a leg, we're dragging a leg, you know, we got an arm cut. I mean, we just end up crawling as slow as we can to the finish line, just limping along. But again, it's one of those things that we can look back on and say, I did that. You know, what can I learn from that? How can I be a better cheerleader next time? And so as we do those things, it starts to create belief in ourselves. If we rely on someone else sometimes when we don't have that belief, when we start reflecting on when we had those little sinks and we were saved and we had hope, what did that look like? And then we start being our own cheerleader. You got this, you can do this. What's it supposed to do at football games when the cheerleaders do their pom-poms and cheer? It's supposed to excite the crowd, it's supposed to get them all motivated, it's to give them hope and drive them, move them forward. The same is true with us. So that's the challenge day is what's an area maybe that you're lacking some belief that you could start creating belief. As as we talk, I can think of three or four for me right now that I can use these, that I can start creating some belief in in myself in some different areas. So again, it doesn't have to be something big, it can be something small, but you start working on it. Any thoughts, comments, or questions? Did did the um mice sink again or did the researchers like give up after after 60 hours and just pull them out? Well, they started going down again, so then they plucked them out. Okay, don't ask. We we don't know if any rats were harmed in this study. They're allowed rats. Don't ask. Well, I mean, they probably went on to other studies, and and they learned from this one. But no, they they started going under, so they they they brought that's a good question. They brought them, they saved them again. So then, so then the question would be how long could they go next time? That'd be interesting to know. Any other comments or questions? I I just really want to challenge you to the things we talk about, sit and talk, or walk and talk, to take something away every time that you're gonna put into practice. It may not, it may just be a word or or a thought that comes to you from our conversation that you decide I'm gonna put that into practice. So you take something away from every single one of our conversations and put it into practice. Um, because what we talked about before, it'll start having a compounding effect. Um, so if you have any questions, comments, or thoughts, just let me know. I'll be more than happy to help. And thank you to each of you for joining us tonight on Sit and Talk.