Healthy Huddle: When We Feel Great, We Eat More, So Let’s Build Balance

We dig into why happiness nudges us to overeat and how social mirroring, permission thinking, and time blindness quietly push us past satisfied. We share simple, kind strategies to keep the joy while staying balanced at parties, vacations, and everyday wins.

• happy moods raising dopamine and reward seeking
• parties, vacations, and dessert tables as overeating cues
• social mirroring and tribal safety driving seconds
• permission thinking: I deserve this and special day logic
• time blindness and delayed fullness at gatherings
• highlight foods and slower eating to increase satisfaction
• pre-event snacks to reduce binge risk
• choosing connection and conversation over constant nibbling
• confident boundaries for skipping seconds or runs
• awareness without judgment as the core skill

https://aarondegler.com/

Transcript

Today’s Focus: Happy Overeating

Vacations, Parties, And Social Eating

Brain Chemistry And Reward Loops

Social Mirroring And Tribal Safety

Seconds, Desserts, And Group Cues

Opting Out And Owning Your Pace

Permission Thinking And Willpower

Time Blindness And Delayed Fullness

Variety, Sensory Overload, And Memory

Strategies: Snacks, Highlights, Slowing Down

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Healthy Huddle. If this is your first time, we join our live call each week to discuss different um food topics and really how to uh manage those and just live a uh healthy, balanced life without diets, without starvation, without restrictions, but just balance. So we just share each week about those different uh topics, and so we're gonna join our live call this week and join in on the topic. How's everybody? Good, fabulous, fabulous. Here, those are all good answers. So I'm gonna challenge you, even though this is healthy huddle, when somebody asks how you're doing, I challenge you to say something other than good. Maybe it's fantabulous, maybe it's fantastic, maybe it's wonderful, maybe it's out of this world. You wouldn't believe how good I am today. And see, see what kind of response you get when you answer that way, and do it with a smile and see if they respond in a different way. It's fun sometimes. One, I won't tell you what not to answer, I'll just tell you what how to greet somebody. We'll save that for another day. So, because we're gonna talk about when you answer in that way, what typically happens? You'll smile and they'll think, Why are you so happy? And then because we're gonna talk about why you overeat when you're happy. Because when we're happy, we feel good. So we're gonna talk about why do we do that, and ways we can kind of temper that down a little bit, not our happiness, but how we can temper down how we maybe overeat when we're happy. Because usually when we're happy, we eat more, and sometimes when we're sad, what do we do? Eat more, eat more. So, whether we're happy or sad, we're gonna eat more. That's kind of depressing. Um, so we we're we're gonna try to find the balance, we're gonna try to talk about the balance of happy eating and not happy overeating. I think I don't remember when it was, I don't even know when I heard this, but I I want to say I don't even know what year it was. Long time ago, hundreds of years ago. When typically overweight people were thought of as more wealthy people because they ate more. They, I mean, if you're plumper, you got food. So it was desired to have bigger people because they were thought to have more riches, more money, more things. And I don't even know where I heard that, but I heard it somewhere. So it's gotta be true if I heard it somewhere, but I think it's pretty true. Um, I can't tell you where I it's true. Okay, thank you. So I mean, two people said it, so it's gotta be true. It's gotta be true. It's true. Okay, because I really have heard it somewhere. And I want to say in in history, but I don't even know if that's correct, but because I really wasn't a good student, I probably wasn't paying attention history, so I don't want to I don't wanna commit to that. So you know, a lot of times, you know, do we eat more on vacation? Well, it depends on where you're at. Well, that's true. It depends on what kind of food's not good. Huh? If the food's not good, you don't. Right. But but hopefully you you try to go on vacation where the food might be good. Unless you dislike certain foods, and then they don't have these certain foods, and then you're kind of like, well, I don't want to eat anything. Do do you do you tend to eat more at parties? Maybe it's a New Year's party, maybe it's a Christmas party. And I mean, when we have an event here, I typically eat more than I normally would. Just because everybody's happy, it's fun, we're talking. It's kind of happy. And it's all the new foods, and it's all the new foods. Straight out of the M2B fitness cookbook. Yeah, that that if you don't know what we're talking about, it's not because we have a cookbook, we're just it's just a joke. But we'd like to have one. Um, and they don't have to be healthy foods. And then sometimes we just eat well when life is going well. We just eat well. So, you know, we're kind of we we have emotional eating whether it's stress or we're sad, but our positive happiness also triggers overeating just as strongly, which is kind of like, you know, and sometimes it's more because sometimes when you're depressed, some people don't want to eat. Like, I don't want to even eat. If you're sad, it's like I don't want to eat. I mean, others are like, yeah, I want to eat. But typically the thing about happiness is it's typically a most people want to, when you think about happy things, happy events, you're usually overeating or maybe overdrinking. Because if you're on vacation, you're relaxing, you're on a beach, and we have a few drinks, and and typically they might they might be those sugary ones, you know, not so good drinks that those calories can add up because you're relaxed and you're happy. So, you know, when we're happy, our dopamine rises, our serotonin levels rises, our social connection increases, we're more connected when we're happy. So, all of those things increase. So the so the brain thinks, well, this is good, and then it says, Let's make it better. And so, if we have joy and we add food, then we amplify the joy. If we have joy and we add drinks, we have amplified joy. I mean, it's even better. Because, like, how can life get any better? Let's add some food to it, then it'll get better. So, food becomes part of that reward system: vacation eating more, and weekends, snack more, celebrations have more dessert. I mean, like when we have our events here, I mean, we almost need two tables for the desserts because there's so many. So, I mean, the things we're talking about is is the I mean, the same things we exhibit when we have an event here. And so it becomes challenging because uh we want those things. We weekend we we think about the snacking or vacations, we think about eating more, or we have more dessert when we celebrate things because typically it's like oh, this is good, we don't get it very often, it's really yummy, and the interesting thing is that we social mirror. So, what does that mean? It means that unconsciously we match each other, we match others without really realizing it. If you walk into a room and everyone's eating, what will you probably do? Eat. Because if you don't, people say, Oh, you need to eat, or they'll say, You're too skinny, you need to eat. Nobody ever tells you, whoa, you are too large, you better not eat today. But they tell you, you're way too skinny, you need to eat. And and what happens, so when we so this is very interesting, and and and you might notice it in some of your social circles or family circles. So uh once a month we have a marriage group and we we cook it, so it's not somebody's house and they cook. So everybody gets a helping, we all sit down and eat, and then everybody's plate's kind of empty, and everybody's kind of just sitting there, but everybody's thinking, who's gonna be the first one to get up and go get seconds? And so just like you know, just like Kim has always wanted to take for the team, and no matter what, she'll always start a food line, whether it's at an event, whether it's at one of our holidays, you can always, I mean, we can be somewhere where we don't even know anybody, and she'll hit, I mean, she'll take charge of the food line. So I take one for the team just as she does, and I go ahead and head up for seconds because I know that's what everybody's thinking. And as soon as I go, somebody will usually say, Oh, whoo, glad I kind of wanted more too. I was just waiting on somebody to go. So, and that's kind of what happens typically. It may not be everybody, but if a few people get seconds, others go, Oh, now I can get seconds. So that's what we do. It's kind of like if everyone gets dessert, or a majority of people get dessert, you might feel odd if you don't, like, oh, you don't like my dessert, I fix it special. How about that? So we do it, and it's it's kind of called tribal safety wiring because in in a group, we have it it's safety. So if somebody else is doing it, I probably need to be doing it too. And so we see that a lot at events, gatherings, maybe it's with friends, maybe it's with families. You see those things and it's really unconscious. And so that's kind of an early challenge is next time you're in an event like that, whether it's a small group gathering, don't say anything, just kind of watch and see, you know, even if you don't want seconds and nobody's getting seconds, just have fun with it, go get a little bit just to see what everybody else will do. Or um, if nobody's going to uh get dessert, go be the first one to do and see who else goes. Um, because our brain says we have to fit in, we have to participate, and we have to belong. Um, and a really good example of this um outside of food is treadmill, treadmill class. We may have a running class, and there's some that don't want to run, but they come and they run. Why? Because everybody's doing it, everybody's doing it. I feel personally attacked. Well, this is actually, I am giving you an out right here for the next treadmill class that has running, and you say, I'm not running, to say, I'm not running. I don't want to fit in and I don't want to participate, but I won't belong. So you're you're you're giving you an out right now because that is a very important thing. If you don't want to, it's very empowering to say, I'm not gonna do that. But what happens when five people on one side of you and four on the other side are all running? Oh well, what are they gonna think? I should run. I guess I should run. What are they gonna think of me? Loser, can't you run today? You know, do you eat too much? I mean, you're gonna pee your pants. I mean, all the things. So the the the power comes with, I'm not doing it today, it's not working for me today, and that's totally okay. But again, it's unconsciously, see how that works, unconsciously marrying others because that's what they're doing, so that's what I should be doing. And and so the challenge is, I mean, we just do that by nature. So the challenge is to not do that, you know. We're gonna talk about some different things, but I just kind of want to make you aware of what we socially do without ever noticing, and so now you're gonna be real conscious about on the treadmill if you decide I don't want to run. And you might even make a comment to the person next to you say, I don't want to run today. Because, and that might be the first step because you don't feel quite confident just not to, because you're thinking, they're probably thinking, What is she doing over there? And and so you probably have to say something until you know a few times, and they'll just go, Okay, that's not what she wants to do today, and that's okay. Because we try to say it's for everybody. Maybe just because we're doing a running class, a sprint might look like a power walk, it might look like a power trot today, a jog may look like a brisk walk, and that's okay. So, but we we do that so often, we we social mirror other people. When Kim was cutting hair, she used to talk about doing that all the time in when she'd cut hair because there's a mirror, and so it's actually mirroring your customer, your client. Well, they want to talk about sports, okay. We're gonna talk about sports. That's a mirror of what do they want to talk about? I'll mirror that. What maybe they want to talk about kids, okay? We're gonna talk about kids, we're gonna talk about kids sports, we're gonna talk about grocery shopping, whatever they say, and that's why it's called mirroring because you're looking in the mirror and you mirror whatever, however, they act. If they're sad, you're not gonna say, Hey, how are you? Like, hey, how are you? It's it's mirroring, so that's on purpose, but a lot of times we do it unconsciously, and and and sometimes we give ourselves permission thinking. Think about this. How often do you say, I deserve this? It's a special day. I've been good. Why not? I I might have I might have done permission thinking last night, just saying. Ricca gave me, it was so mean, but so kind of her. I mean, I really it really takes all the willpower I have and discipline. A big old bag of Easter egg, Reese's Pember cup Easter eggs, love them. So I cut them open and left them in the refrigerator, and they were going kind of quick because I kept going at them. So I had to take out like three or four and then put the rest in the freezer so I could only see the three or four and not see the whole bag. And so last night I gave my I gave myself permission thinking two things. One, I said, well, I could probably use a little extra calories. I didn't need them, and I didn't need the sugar. And the other one was, well, Rick was kind enough to give them to me. I need at least to to have some. So that's kind of what we do is permission thinking. Now I did I did have willpower because I only had one. I had told myself I was gonna have two, but when I got there, I thought, I thought, you're a piggy, so just get one. And so I just got one. And then I went right to bed, so that way I couldn't go back and get another one. But I have I have to hide them behind something so I don't really see them. But permission thinking. So, because also because happiness kind of lowers our internal guard. When we're happy, we're a little bit we don't monitor as much. We go into I need to reward myself, kind of like when we have an event, we're happier, we don't monitor quite as much, and we go, oh, this is a fun time together, this is a get together, let's have a little bit more on our plate, you know. And then again, permission thinking says, Well, everybody brought dessert. I don't want anybody to think I don't like their dessert, so I'm gonna have a little bit of everybody's dessert because I want to be nice, and that's really I mean, permission thinking. It's really what it is. So we just have to be aware of that, that when we are happier, we do allow ourselves more permission thinking, which sometimes can be a little bit dangerous because we're not always being honest with our permission. I mean, really, do we very often deserve it? Do we very often go, I've been really good, I mean, since lunch, you know, because sometimes we'll but we say I've been good, and then we I've been good. You know, I only had a little bit of lunch. I mean, I I had this big old buffet at breakfast, but I was really good at lunch. And then really, when we're happy, we have time blind, time blindness. Because typically at a party, doesn't time go really fast? Yes, it's kind of like when we're resting on circuit, it goes by really fast. When you're recovering from a sprint, it goes by really fast, even if it's a minute, it goes way faster than that 20 seconds you were dying. So time passes faster when we enjoy ourselves. We kind of ignore our hunger cues because we're busy doing things, talking, drinking, maybe it's dancing, maybe it's playing games, but we kind of ignore those, and then our fullness signals are kind of delayed a little bit. Have you ever gone to a party and then left and go, I am so stuffed? And you didn't quite feel that way there because you're doing things in with a delayed uh fullness. Um because we're really more focused on the connection of whatever we're doing, more so than the consumption. And so we really kind of overeat or overshoot just enough, but we might say this enough food without really noticing it. And again, when we're happy, typically we have a sensory overload because maybe there's music, maybe there's laughter, maybe there's smells of good food, maybe there's a variety, maybe there's a buffet, maybe there's a dessert table with all kinds of desserts. So we have all kinds of stimulation going. So with all that variety going, it kind of keeps our appetite on. So, like when we have all tons of food and all different types, everybody brings something different. It and I'm not saying we're I'm not advocating that we stop any of that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that at all. It sure sounds like I'm not saying that. I am just simply saying to be aware of what is happening. I'm not saying we stop it because it's a great time and we need to do it. And and permission thinking says it's okay this time. So, but but it keeps our appetite on the on position because there's so much variety. Next time we have something, y'all are just gonna get together and bring one dish and it's gonna be awful. Don't do that, don't do that at all. So grilled chicken, yeah. We're gonna have we're gonna have grilled chicken and rice, it'll be the most boring party ever. Yeah, and nobody will come. And so, you know, our brain, we have memory, it's kind of memory encoding. So, what do you think about the holidays? You think about a certain dessert that you like, it brings happiness. When you think of the beach for some of you, you think of drinks, and then it's relaxation. It's the it's the combo of the two. Maybe it's birthday and cake equals love. If somebody makes you a cake or buys you a cake, it's you know, you think both of those together, what is that in math? X plus Y equals C. I think so, and I never understood how all the letters get to a different letter, but but but it's that those two things that are together equal an emotion, whether it's happiness, relaxation, love, whatever it is. So, really is what we're doing when when we crave that food, we're trying to recreate the feeling. We're trying to recreate the feeling. It's an emotional memory, not a hunger. So we're looking to recreate that. So, so how do we enjoy, have fun, be happy without overeating? That's the big question. I gave you all the reasons why we overeat we're we're happy. Again, it we're like we talk about a gazillion times, it's not about restriction, it's about have the balance, and and so you know, maybe you have a little snack before the event because because typically, if you have an you know something before the event, um typically what do we most of us do? I'm gonna wait and not eat until I get there. I'm not gonna I'm gonna skip lunch because it's gonna be so good. And and so that's what we do. I mean, Kim and I went out on Friday night to a grilled cheese place in Dallas, and so we skipped lunch because we wanted to so we got we got cheese fries and we ordered our our grilled cheese, and then she wanted sweet potato wedge waffle fries, and I wanted regular fries. And the waitress goes, and you still want the cheese fries? We're like, Yeah, bring them on, because permission thinking said, Well, we skipped lunch. It probably wasn't it at all. We wanted it all, so it probably wasn't the best idea because I mean all the cheese fries were gone, and then I ate all my sandwich and most of my fries, and she ate half her sandwich and most her fries, but that's just the way it goes, and that's what balance looks like. But if we were to probably eat lunch, we probably would have eaten less. We probably would have said, Well, let's skip the fries and bring the cheese fries out. But that's just the way it went down. And then we can choose, we've mentioned before what are your highlight foods? What are a couple foods that you look over all that and go, that looks really good? Like if you think about if we came to our our Valentine's Day last Thursday, what are a couple desserts that maybe like, oh, I look really good? And maybe you just hit up those two, or maybe three. But it's really what do I really want the most? It's it's a highlight food because a lot of times you know we take the first few bites, and that's really where it hits us the most. It's like, mmm, that's so good, and then we keep eating it because we're looking for that so good again. I think there's a commercial about that. Mmm, so good. So, and then when we go to events or we go to parties or the Things that create happiness. Maybe it's on vacation, maybe it's family gathering with friends, maybe it's more being staying connected. So you're focusing on maybe the conversation, on the laughter, on the present. So have you ever been to an event with somebody, and you might be one of these, where you're sitting eating, eating together, and the other person is taking forever to eat. And they're they're talking nonstop, they're drinking nonstop, and they're just kind of seems like it's taking forever to get their food in. And that's kind of what I mean. We might get irritated, like, are you gonna eat or what? That's really they're enjoying the conversation, they're enjoying the other people, uh, they're enjoying the laughter. So the food goes a little bit slower. So they really are staying more connected and just not consuming the food. So the more we're connected, the less we need the food to stimulate. So that person that is doing that is really kind of ahead of those like me that just, you know, exhaust their food. Yeah, think it's an eating competition. I don't know why. Just I've tried to slow down, but so maybe maybe celebrations are done sometimes a little bit different. Maybe it's you know, because a lot of times we celebrate with food. Maybe it's just a walk, maybe it's games with, you know, just drinks, maybe it's you know, food is a part of that, but it's not all of that. What are some other things that maybe can how you can celebrate with that? And then really the the challenge is, you know, next time you go to an event, whether it's with family or friends or eating out, maybe it's to try to be more engaged with the conversations, to be more focused on the people around you and less about the food, and maybe you try to eat slower. Maybe it's you pick up a couple highlight foods that you're gonna focus on. Maybe you really you're engaged with the people around you and you decide to stop it satisfied. When you feel satisfied, you go, okay, that's enough, even if that means half a plate. Because a lot of times what happens if we have long conversations, we'll eat and then keep nibbling. Those chips will keep going away, coming back to refill up, going away because you're just nibbling, you're not really hungry, you're just kind of snacking on them. So the challenge is some of those next time you're around others, you're celebrating and really focus on enjoying the people more than the plates and celebrate being with them and and see, and and again, it's more about awareness. Are you aware of what you're doing instead of just mirroring people and being unconscious about it? That's really the challenge is bringing that awareness. And then once you bring that awareness, then what do you want to do with it? I mean, how do you want to change it? How do you want to challenge it? So, a lot of times when we do that, we're not overeating because we're weak. A lot of times we're overeating because we're human and happy, and unconsciously, that just kind of how it rolls out. Any thoughts, comments, or questions? And thank you to each of you for joining us on Healthy Hudders. Look forward to seeing you right here next time on Healthy Huddle.