Sit & Talk: Reset Your Default Setting

We unpack how “default settings” shape our choices under stress and why comfort keeps us stuck in patterns we don’t even like. We show how to identify your current default, choose a better one, and practice the mindset tools that make it stick.

• defining human default settings with simple tech metaphors
• comfort versus liking and why we return to known pain
• common defaults like overeating, withdrawing, or self-doubt
• ownership of programming our responses and identity
• how to recognize patterns across time and triggers
• deciding a new default and writing cue-to-action scripts
• cognitive tools to reframe worth, capability, and control
• role of environment, community, and visible cues
• building evidence through small reps and posture shifts
• practical manifestation as focused attention and design
• a single-area weekly challenge to reset one default

Recognize that default in you that you currently have, and then begin working on setting a new default. Find your default in one of those areas, recognize what the new default is, and start being conscious about what you learn to gear yourself towards creating that new default setting

https://aarondegler.com/

Transcript

Welcome And Today’s Theme

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Sit and Talk. Thank you so much for joining us today. Each week we join our live call on Sit and Talk to talk about different mental conditioning topics that we share each week. And again, each week we leave you with a challenge so you can take what we talk about and put that challenge into your life and you can put into practice what we talk about. So let's join our live call for today's sit and talk. We will get started. So most of our phones, no matter what, no matter if you have what whatever type of phone you have, doesn't matter if it's a Samsung, Android, doesn't matter if it's an iPhone, if it messes up, or if you go to trade it in, what do you typically do? Do you leave all your stuff on it? No. No. We wipe it clean. Wipe it clean. So when you wipe it clean, it really goes back to uh what what they call it factory settings, which really is default settings. So it doesn't matter what type of phone you have. I mean, if you do that, it's gonna go back to its default settings. Sometimes if you have a computer and you want and you're gonna sell a computer, you don't want to leave all your stuff on there. So you wipe it clean, you put it back to default settings, it goes back to how you originally got it, is how you'll you'll send it back. So we're gonna talk about default settings day. And so, first I want to give a definition of default settings. So default setting is accountable computing setting that is automatically given to a software application, computer program, or device. So it's it's something that's automatic. It's a setting that is automatic that is given to a software application. If if you reset your TV, sometimes what happens, your TV messes up. So what do you do? You might unplug it, I mean it resets it back to whatever it was. So we're gonna talk about how we how we reset electronics back to their default. Um we we always fall back on our default, so we're no different than electronics. Um, the only thing is when a lot of electronics come from the factory, they are somebody is um setting up those defaults. They're in charge of whether it's in the computer, however they do it with electronics, they're in charge of setting those defaults. The great thing about default settings for us is we are in charge of it. But so many times we have default settings that we've gotten that we weren't aware of because we weren't being conscious of what was being created for our default setting. So, our default setting for us, what does that look like? So when things go wrong, go bad, go whatever, we have a default setting. All of us have a default setting. Now, just like all the different phones, phones are phones, right? You can call from them, right? So humans are humans. It doesn't matter what you, you know, how much, how fancy a software you have. In other words, it doesn't matter how smart you are, it doesn't matter how qualified you are, it doesn't matter what you've been through. We're all human and we all have a default setting. So our default setting is unique to us, just as the default setting for an iPhone is unique to that iPhone, to the iPhone in general. So it doesn't matter how much stuff you put in it, it goes back to its default. So no matter how much each of us different stuff we have, we all still have a default. It may look different, but we all have a default, and we've created that automatically over the years without being conscious of it. So typically where our default setting goes to is it goes back to where we're comfortable. So that being said, our default, just because we're comfortable with it, doesn't necessarily mean we like it. No, it does not. Comfort and liking it are two different things. Because sometimes we don't like something, but we're comfortable because we know it. We know the might say we know the suck. We know how bad it sucks, so we are comfortable with it. Much more so than than the unknown, which makes us super uncomfortable. So even if something's really sucky and we don't like it, we'll go back to that default because it's something we're comfortable with. So maybe we experience some stress, and maybe that stress, maybe you handle it by overeating. Maybe someone handles it by chain smoking, maybe somebody deals with it by drinking. Those are default settings. So it doesn't mean that oh, you're like, man, I can't wait to drink, I can't wait to smoke, I can't wait to overeat. That's so exciting. Because what do those cause? Overeating causes weight gain, then you're unhappy, and all those things. And then drinking alcohol can start to affect your life in different ways. Same thing with smoking, all these different things. So just because we fall back to our default setting doesn't mean we like it. It just means that's how we cope with stress. Maybe your default setting is when you start to have stress, you start getting really hard to get out of bed, you start to withdraw from connection with friends, you start to be by yourself more. You don't like being lonely, but you start retracting from group things, you start getting quieter. It's not that you like it, but that's your default setting. That's how you handle things when things get stressful. Maybe your default setting is I'm gonna stuff it down, I'm gonna put it in my backpack, I'll cram it in there, I'll stomp on it, step on it, and zip it up. That's your default setting. We have we all have them. We all have default settings. And I think a lot of us, unless you spend a lot of time working on them, they're automatic and you never realized how they came about. So we're gonna talk today about. So when we get a we reset our phone to the factory setting, we can't change how that factory setting is because some computer programmer already did that. But we're very fortunate because we're humans, we're not computers. So we we are the programmer that we now get to configure how our new default setting is. So we get to reset it, we get to write the program. Because over the years, probably your program was written automatically without you realizing. You just probably thought. And have you ever thought this? This is just the way I am. That's just who I am, that's just how it goes for me. This is just what I do, this is how I work through things, whatever it is. You're really saying, This is my default setting because of years of whatever. So, we're gonna talk about how do you reset that into a default setting that you want. And and so, first, the first thing we have to do is we have to recognize what is our current default setting, where are you at currently? So, how do we do that? We have to first reflect on past experiences and where did we continually land back? So, if you look at Biggest Loser, if you ever watch Biggest Loser, they go to the ranch, whether they're winners or not, they lose weight, they're very successful on the ranch. They go home, whether they're winners or not. What happens when they revisit them? When they revisit them, they've gained weight. Why is that? It's because it and at the beginning of the show, they show videos of them crying, boo-hooing. It's so sad, I'm so large, I don't like this, I can't play with my kids, all the things. But they revisit them later, and they're in the back, back in the same spot. Why is that? If they were boo-hooing and crying and so upset about this, why are they back to where they were? It is because it is comfortable. Yes, it is where they land. So you may somebody may, and and you may have done this, they're boo-hooing about their life, boo-hooing about it, and they start to make some changes, and then they end up right back to where they were. And you want to say, Hey, dum dum, I thought you didn't like this. And we get irritated, like, why can't you figure this out? And sometimes we might do this to ourselves, why can't you figure this out? And it's because we will default back to what we're comfortable in. So if somebody is in a relationship that is really toxic for them, and they start making changes and they're doing better, and we we're a friend to them, and then they go back to that toxic relationship. It starts to develop again, and you go, What in the world? You you're complaining, you're crying, you're upset all the time. And and this may be you, and you go, Why are you doing this? It's because, again, we are comfortable with the the known discomfort, if that makes sense. If it, if it's discomfort, we know what it looks like today, we know what it looks like tomorrow. And we're scared of the discomfort of the unknown. And so we have to reflect on our past experiences and think about where do you keep landing? When those things happen, where do you keep and and you can look over span of time? If mine were to be weight loss journey, up and down, up and down, yo-yo, where do I continually land? And it it's it's because it sucks. I'm always upset about it. That's what causes the change, but I keep getting back there. Why is that? It's because of my default setting that we have to that has to be rewired to have a new default setting. And so the only way we can realize what our current default is, is by reflecting on those past experiences and where do you keep going to, where do you keep landing? And then you'll realize what your default setting is. And you maybe never thought about it. You may just think this is this is how I handle things, this is what I do, um, this is who I am. That's saying I'm just taking it, whatever life gives me, that's who I am. And that's not that's saying I'm a victim of life, and really we can be a victor of life. And so chances are over the years, our default setting has made us a victim because we're just we're just reacting to the circumstances, and we're not being proactive, we're reacting. So once you recognize where your default setting is, your current default setting, is then you then we have to decide. The second thing is we have to decide to change our default setting. If you keep if you keep going back and you go, I don't like that, I want to reset it. So the interesting thing is to to change our default setting. So basically, if you your default setting in a TV, like the TV one day up here wasn't working. I did all the things with the remote, it wasn't working. So I had to unplug it, wait about 30 seconds and plug it back in. Actually, I didn't because it was too high, so I didn't plug it or unplug it, but I turned off the light switch, so it cut the power. There was no power, and so when I flipped it back on, it came back on and worked just fine. So that's almost like a physical thing that you can do. But when we want to have a new default setting, when we want to create a new default, we have to change our mindset. Because a lot of times, anything we're doing physically, every time, all the time, anything that has happened physically, it is because of our mental state. Think about that. Anything that is currently going on in your life, it is how you're reacting, how you're feeling, how you're thinking, what you're processing, is all a mental state. As I mentioned before, I thought clients were fat and lazy because they couldn't stick to a diet and they couldn't make the workouts. They had to be fat and lazy. It was plain and simple. But that was not the case. It was something in their um in their thinking, in their past, in their something that was creating them to not do that. I'm giving them the perfect plan, but yet every time they keep failing. And I realized we had to get to something different, something deeper, because it wasn't just what looked like it was on the on the surface. We had to change their cognitive thinking, we had to change that, the way they processed that. So we have to begin to change. So, how do we do that? So, as we've talked about before in sit and talk, walk and talk, we have tools, we have a whole tool chest of things. And and maybe, maybe I should just like you pull open a toolbox or two tool chests, and you look at all the different tools, and you go, Well, that that one that screwdriver's too big, too long, too short, all the different things. So, maybe I should print out all the topics that we've talked about, and then you go, let's see which one. Oh, yeah, remember this one. This one will really help me. And so you have to start practicing those. So, in other words, when something stressful comes along, maybe it is how somebody treats you, and your default setting is to start going, Well, that's me. Well, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough. Well, I just don't have any worth. Well, then what happens? Your self-esteem starts to go down, your self-confidence starts to decrease, and you start not putting yourself out there, not taking opportunities. Um, and so a mind shift, a mindset shift using some of the tools that we've talked about would be I I am worthy, I do have value. We've talked about the the watch before, right? The watch, a grand grandfather gave it to his grandson, said, take this, and he took it to different places. So the the first two places were a pawn shop and something else, and they didn't find the value in it, like 20 bucks. So he goes then to a museum, and it's a rare time piece, and they offer him tons of money for it. So he goes back to the grandfather, tells him he said, and he was showing his grandson. It's not that that it's not that you don't have any value, you just haven't found the place, the people, or the things that have valued you yet. And so we begin to change our mindset of I do have value, I do have worth, I am good enough, I am smart enough, I can do these things, and so your new default doesn't go to, I guess they're right, and your posture starts to change, it starts to round out your back, you start to bring in your shoulders, you start to not make eye contact, all those are physical signs of how you're feeling, and then you realize you start to change and go, I don't need their approval, I don't need the acceptance. I can start to walk tall, head up, look people in the eye because I have confidence, and so that can become your new default setting. Now, we spent a lifetime with our current default settings. If you haven't worked on your default settings and you thought and they've been automatic, and you spent a lifetime with them, however old you are. That's how many years you've had with them. So to reprogram, unfortunately, it's not like a computer where you just hit a few buttons and you reprogram the whole thing. If anybody remembers back in the day, when you actually in high school, you'd actually do computer programming. Do you remember that where you would like like you'd put in like different things? Yeah, it's with like the CAD and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah. I never understood it. And and like you do all this thing, and and it would you you put in a gazillion different commands and it would come up with the word cat. Yeah, I mean, and you're like, that is the dumbest thing. But it would take all this work just to be able to program that one word. And so when we're when we're resetting our default, it's no different. It takes time to continually work on these things that we talk about so that you do have that rewiring, that new default setting. And and so again, which kind of leads us into the third one, the final one, is when we begin to set that new default, and and and you say, and so we we have a current default, which we may not like, and you set a new default. Say, this is the default I want. When these experiences happen, this is how I'm gonna respond. This is the new default I want. And so once we decide on the new default we want, then uh we start being conscious of what we're learning in changing our mindset to work towards that default. So that default's our goal. What can I learn to start to be more like that default setting? Maybe it is you need to find out that you do have worth, that you do have strength, that you do have power over food, that your body doesn't control the food, your mind controls the food. Maybe it takes practice and you start working on those things. So, so that whatever your whatever your new default is, fit food, physical, emotionally, mental, we we talk about all those things with tools in healthy huddle, tools in walk and talk, sit and talk, tools in mindful mondays, all those tools in Soul Fit, all those are 360 effect that work on all of those. So no matter where you're at, whatever default setting of your area you want, we have to be conscious about it. Because all these years, chances are we've been unconscious about our default settings that have been put being put on us, oh, whether through people, through environment, through things, all those unconscious things that start to show up and become our default settings. And and you can you can see it maybe maybe if you work in a school and you see a kid at a young age has a is really outgoing, really strong and really smart, and really is talks to everybody happy go lucky. And through the years, you might see that same child start to change and not be so happy, and not be so outgoing, and start to get in trouble and all these different things. And you go, what's going on? And and that's because their environment, other kids, are starting to change their default setting to maybe not have worth, to maybe I'm not cool enough, to all these different things. And so we have to be conscious of what we're learning to change our mindset, and may and even with being conscious, when we set what is our default setting, we then are conscious to go seek those things. Because we've talked about manifesting before, right? Is manifesting magic? No, it's not. It is simply, I want this. Oh, now all of a sudden I start to notice this. I notice it there, I notice it that over there, I notice it in that person. It's not anything magic, it's just we've put it on our brain, it's in there, and so we start seeing it more because we're looking for it. Just like lost keys, you're gonna find them more times than not because you're looking for them. If you never look for them, would you ever find them? Even if they're in the shoe sheet sheet in the couch cushions right next to you. No, because you never look for it. So when you start looking for it, you'll start finding what you're looking for, just because you're looking everywhere for it. So again, that the challenge really is to think about what's your current default setting. And then it may be in a relationship, it may be when certain stressors happen, and it may be different defaults in different areas that you default to. And I wouldn't pick all the areas to dig into. Maybe you start with one. What is a current default that you're not a big fan of? You don't really and you get mad at yourself. And that's really a key to know if this is something that needs to change. Is if you go to that default and you go, Oh, why'd I do that again? I told myself I wasn't gonna do that. Why'd I do that? I don't like doing that. And then it and it's again, it's because subconsciously we're wired to go, that's comfort. I know I don't like it, but I know it. And so it's comfortable. So that is a really good sign that that is a default setting that needs to be changed because you don't like it, even though you keep going back to it. You go, how do I find how'd I end up here again? I'm so irritated. And so the challenge is if there, and and I would almost bet that all of us have those that we don't like and we want to change. So the challenge is to recognize that default in you that you currently have, and then begin working on setting a new default. How do you want that to look? So the first thing is find your default in one of those areas, recognize what the default new your need new default is, and then start being conscious about what you learn to gear yourself towards creating that new default setting. Because unfortunately, we're not it's not as easy to unplug, reset it, and plug it back in. It's not that simple. Um, you spent a lifetime creating the default settings you don't like, so now it's time to spend some time and energy on a daily, hourly, weekly, monthly, yearly basis to reset your default setting in whatever area you choose because we're human and we get to do that. We have that power to do what we want to do. So, any thoughts, comments, or questions about resetting our default setting? And thank you to each of you for joining us on Sit and Talk. I look forward to seeing you right here next time on Sit and Talk.