Healthy Huddle: The Emotional Echo

Our past explains why certain foods, routines, and rules still run our choices today, from junk food access to clean-plate pressure and diet talk at home. We connect those childhood “echoes” to adult cravings, food guilt, and rebellion eating, then talk through how to rewire rewards and pass on healthier cues to the next generation. 

• Childhood food environments shaping adult eating patterns 
• Junk food access and how parents set the tone 
• Clean-your-plate rules and trouble stopping at comfortably full 
• Food preferences tied to restriction and nostalgia 
• Cafeteria memories linking food with excitement and comfort 
• Snacks, routines, and timing that persist for decades 
• Scarcity thinking and learning to eat fast 
• Diet culture at home creating perfectionism and guilt 
• Rebellion eating after gaining adult freedom 
• Swapping food rewards for rest, walks, and other supports 
• Noticing what we model for kids and grandkids 

If you have any thoughts, comments, or questions, let me know.

https://aarondegler.com/

Transcript

ow Childhood Eating Starts Patterns

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So and and see everybody kind of has different ways that they grew up eating. Some might have gone out to eat a little bit more. Again, we I think my parents cooked a lot home. I don't really I don't remember going out to eat a lot, so they probably cooked at home. But I do remember all the junk food. That's like my biggest I can't tell you what kind of foods we necessarily had, but it was uh had an easy access to junk food. It was pretty readily available. And and and whenever I ran out, I just told my parents, hey, can you buy me some more? And I'd they would buy me more Cokes and uh little Debbie's and I mean just junk.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

That's how you know that obesity, childhood obesity started with the parents.

dult Freedom And Old Food Echoes

SPEAKER_00 0:45

That's exactly right. It started with the kids. It started with your parents, yes. And and and we all have kind of stories. Maybe it's you're gonna finish your plate. You're not gonna leave until you finish your plate, whatever's on your plate. You know, I'm not getting anything else, so I gotta eat it whether I like it or not, because I'm hungry. And if I want a snack, it's gotta be fruit, or I'm not getting anything. There's no open up the pantry to see what I want. So we all have kind of a different way as as we grew up. So as we get older, we think if we have a challenge with food, in other words, if we have kind of struggled with it back and forth, weight up and down, good times of eating, not so good times of eating. Have you ever felt like that just kind of started in in adulthood? Which you might think, well, it just started when I got up, became an adult, you know. Maybe in high school, maybe you didn't have to worry about what you ate. And so then when adulthood rolled around and you got a little older and you had to start thinking, oh, I gotta watch what I eat. And when you do that, it's still gonna echo from what was it like when you were a child. So it might be that you did eat at home all the time and very rarely went out to eat. And so, as an adult, what do you think? I don't want to cook, I want to go out to eat. Because as growing up, I didn't get to do that. For me, I love white bread because growing up, all we had was wheat bread. We never bought anything else but wheat bread, and I hated wheat bread, and I still don't like wheat bread. Probably if you told me to make a sandwich on wheat bread, I'd probably say, I'll just skip it. Thank you very much.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

My husband.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Huh?

SPEAKER_01 2:41

You sound like my husband. He actually told me one time when we were having a fish fry, he says, Will you please buy the cheapest white bread that you can find? Because he likes to dip his tartar, dip it in his tartar sauce, but he likes the cheap white bread.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

Aaron does too. He likes the allsips bread. Yeah, and that's where I got it too. I got white bread at all sips. He thinks that is the best white bread you can buy.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

The best.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

I mean that's what we have to use to the people. That's what Alsips bread.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

That's what I was about to say.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

My husband loves it.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

Yeah, see, the river has it figured out. I mean, tartar sauce and white bread, they bring out a whole loaf of bread with some tartar sauce. They know what's going on. But I know exactly mine comes from that growing up. I know that.

SPEAKER_02 3:28

It's like you like regular milk because you didn't have that.

chool Cafeteria Memories And Meaning

SPEAKER_00 3:32

I didn't have regular milk. I had my mom made powdered milk. Ugh hated powdered milk. Worst thing in the world. And she still makes powdered milk, believe it or not. And she's about to turn 86. They still make it. But so I don't even really I don't even like skim milk. If I could get away with that, I'd really like whole milk, would be really what I would like. But instead I compromise and have 2%. So it it those things do come from our childhood. And so those replay as we get older. And you know, when we're a child, we're kind of bound by what our parents say when we're a kiddo at home. And they say, you know, you got to eat that. And if you got a mean parent, they're gonna make you sit there and eat it. And if you don't, then if it's three hours later, you're gonna have to eat a cold Brussels sprout. That's just what you're gonna do. And so as an adult, we have a freedom. And sometimes I'll tell Kim, hey, you're an adult. You can do what you want to do. You don't have to eat that, or you can have a second of this, or you're an adult. You have freedom. But a lot of times when we're kids, we don't have that. Because if we don't finish a meal, we're gonna get us thanking, or if we say we don't like it, or we ask for more of something, we're gonna get in trouble. And so it's just like anytime we're restrictive. When we have when we can do what we want, what do we do? We usually want to do that thing we couldn't do. So for me, it's like wheat bread and white bread. I don't ever have to eat wheat bread again. So I'm not going to because I'm I'm an adult and I can do what I want. I mean, I could probably eat white bread every single day. That's how much I like it, but I don't. So the the behavior that we're going through may feel really current. It may feel like I'm really struggling with this certain food, or or not eating this, or going out to eat a lot. I'm struggling with that. And it's really because it was really wired into us a number of years ago when we were little kids, when we were grade school, when we're junior high, elementary school. Because then it because think of did you when you're little, did you think of food as fuel?

SPEAKER_02 5:51

No.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

You thought of when I get home from school, I can get a snack. And that made you excited. Maybe you ate in the cafeteria. Maybe there was one day I remember I always used to eat on Fridays because it was pizza, and it was the rectangle pizza, the best pizza there ever is. And they served corn with it. I'm not sure why they served corn with the pizza.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

You had to have a vegetable.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Yeah, you had to have a vegetable. And for some reason, chocolate melt went really good with pizza and corn.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

That sounds disgusting.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

But it was excitement because you got to eat it in the cafeteria on that day. And so we didn't think of it as fuel. It's like, so when I think of that type of pizza, it's probably the nastiest pizza. But when I see a picture of it, I think, oh, that's like Fridays at school. Like that's really good. When I went to school at Bellevue, they made these little, they were like chocolate and and oats, but you didn't cook them. I don't know what they were called.

SPEAKER_02 6:46

They were no-bake cookies.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

Yes. And so they didn't make them in Henrietta when I went to Henrietta school, but at Bellevue they did. And like that was the best. So anytime I see those cookies, it makes me remember the cafeteria at Bellevue and how good they were. Because at that age I wasn't thinking about fuel. Little Chubby Aaron was going, this is really good. And I want to eat so in junior high, in junior high, they needed a couple students to clean up the cafeteria after lunch. And the perk of cleaning up the cafeteria after lunch, you had to wipe off all the tables, you had to mop. I was probably in sixth or seventh grade. You got to eat leftovers. So anything that was leftover from lunch, you could help yourself. You could get a plate. And so I think I cleaned the cafeteria with with my friend Doug Maxwell. Why I remember his name, I have no idea. Probably because related to food. But we after lunch, we cleaned it every single day. And after I got done cleaning it, I got to eat. Whether I wanted ice cream, whether I wanted whatever they're having for lunch that day, it was the I thought it was the best thing ever. Because I got to eat what I want. So again, and that may come from when if Kim still got food on her plate, I'll say, You gonna eat that? I'll go ahead and finish that up for you. Because it's leftovers, and I think back to that and think that was the best. So it probably comes from that. It's not just that I like to clean up everything. It probably is some from that. Because again, when we're a kid, it's a memory. Maybe it's safety, maybe it's love. Maybe my parent cooked this one thing, and it just you thought, man, this is what love is, right here. This, this whatever. It's a reward for being good. Again, my parents told me if I was quiet in church. I remember one time they said, if you're quiet, we'll go, we'll get ice cream on the way home. Bluebell. Man, that was a big deal. Because quick stop was on our way home, so they'd stop at Quick Stop to get Bluebell. So it was a reward to me. And comfort. I could I could sit in my room, open up my pink refrigerator. That was a little bitty refrigerator. And why I was pink, I don't know. It was probably cheapest, and that's what my parents bought. But I could sit there and watch TV, and it was it was comfort. I had shot glasses, so I would pretend that I was pouring my Dr. Pepper in a shot glass and taking a shot. So it's the weirdest things. So uh our mind doesn't really so like since we've been talking about those, I really haven't talked about any of that in probably years. I haven't really thought about it until we start talking about the connection.

SPEAKER_02 9:29

I didn't know you were the cafeteria cleaner upper.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

Well, see, there you go. Little known fact.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

No kidding. Like that explains a whole bunch of things right there. And they still serve corn with pizza if they want to know.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

Oh, and Kelly says they still serve corn with pizza. See, there you go. I mean, they offered me the job and said you get free food. I said, I'm in.

SPEAKER_02 9:57

Who did they go and offer it to? Did they just like pick out kids?

SPEAKER_00 10:03

They probably picked out the chubbiest ones because they look like they probably do it for food.

SPEAKER_02 10:09

Now, ours, they might have to clean up they get in trouble. Was that you?

SPEAKER_00 10:13

No, that was not me.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

Like I wanted to do it because was your friend's kid, was your friend was his mom a teacher too?

SPEAKER_00 10:19

No, he was just uh no he wasn't he wasn't chubby.

SPEAKER_02 10:24

Okay. I mean trying to think why you got picked.

outines Scarcity And Fast Eating

iet Culture Guilt And Rebellion Eating

ewiring Rewards And Healing Food Rules

SPEAKER_00 10:28

I don't I don't even remember. I don't even remember the conversation really. I just remember that's what I did. Um and again, I worked at McDonald's. One of the one of the selling factors of being a uh manager was you got free food. You didn't have to pay for it, you got free food. Um so I'm pretty driven by food. Um, you know, uh huh. That's interesting. So um, all from my childhood. Um, so we all grow up a little bit different um from our our clean the plate rule, like you got to eat everything. Um and so as a and as an adult, what do you do? You're really picky about what you're on your plate, maybe, because you used to be told what got to put on your plate. You didn't get a choice. If mama fixed all the food at supper, you had to try everything. And if you didn't, then you'd sit there and cry until you ate it or you got the belt, one or the other. Um because we lived back in the day when the belt was still allowed, um, and it wasn't abuse. That's just how it went in your house. Um so so maybe it is to clean the plate. Maybe you feel guilty for leaving food, or um, you don't want to waste food. I don't like to waste food, that's why it stays in the refrigerator two, three weeks. It's okay, there's nothing wrong with it. Um, and I know after a week it's mine because Kim won't touch it after that. Really, after about three days, she won't touch it. So I'm like, yes, that is mine. Um, and then if it's after two weeks, I say, now don't touch that. I'm probably gonna want that. Um, and you think I'm joking, but those are actually conversations we have. Um and she goes, Well, you got one more day on it, I'm getting rid of it. Um, and then again, food is food is a reward. Um, if you are good, we'll do this. Um, and when we talk about um routines of when you get home, you get a snack, you get fruit. Um, our kids would get home from school, they'd have a snack. Um, and to this day, um, we weren't even kids, but Kim and I will still do that roughly between 3 and 3:30. Um, if she's home during the week, she'll have a snack. If we're home on the weekends, about 3 or 3:30, hey, you ready for a snack? Yeah, and we'll get a snack of some sort. Uh and and we've trained our dog to do the same. Three o'clock, he knows it's time to eat, and he he's ready to eat too. And and then sometimes it's if you're leaving a bigger family, then it's it could be scarcity. In other words, you got to fend for yourself. It's like a bunch of dogs trying to get to one dog bowl. Um, the faster you eat, the more you get. Um so and it may and it may be, um, you know, I think kids sometimes, I don't know how long they get for for lunches now, but they may be trained to eat faster. So as you grow up, you're you're eating faster. Like I eat really fast. Um, you know, I'm already done by the time I'm waiting on Kim. Um, but all the years from school, it was you have this much time to eat. Then I worked went to work in factories, you have this much time to eat. Um, so um, and even now it's usually I have about the same amount of time to eat, so it's like you can't dilly-dally, you have to get it eaten and move on. Um well, Kim may take longer. Um, enjoy the food, taking the time, um, all that. Um, so again, that could be from again growing up. How was how routine are we? And those things matter. Um uh we have to beat the schedule. We want a little time to not be eating, so we eat faster. So if we have a 30-minute lunch, we still got 20 minutes to maybe take a nap. Um, and and then then maybe um you grew up in a house where a parent was really strict about diet. We've talked about diet culture before. Um, and you're aware of all of um your parents, what were they eating? What were they doing? They were always saying, Well, I gotta watch my weight, or I can't have seconds, or I can't have this, or it's too much of that. Um, and they uh so you grow up like that. So um, so then as an adult, it looks like you're trying to be per perfect with all your food. And then when you're not, you have the guilt because that's what it's not anything that they said to you that said, Oh, you don't need to go back for seconds or you need to lose weight. But when they talk about themselves as kids, we pick up on that and go, Oh, well, if he or she is saying that, then that must mean the same for me. Um, and so then that gets in our brains, and as adults, we go back to that, not maybe not consciously, um, but we do. Then we have food guilt. Um, and then sometimes as an adult, I think we have rebellion eating. Like now we have freedom, so I'm gonna rebel against whatever I had to eat in the past and do whatever I want. Um, and then maybe um if as a kid, um, when you're sad, maybe you got food, and a parent said, Well, you're sad, let's bake. And and maybe, maybe some of you now. When you're sad or you're stressed, you bake, and then that makes you feel better. Um, or um, it might be wine or drinks more often when you have a rough day, but maybe it's some ice cream that you might want. Um, like, oh, this is um I because again, permission thinking says, Oh, I deserve this. This would be so good. Um, because sometimes food can be soothing. Sometimes um, if we stress, we want sugar. Um, and we're lonely, we're kind of bored, maybe we're snacking. Um, so our brain then learns that uh food equals the comfort. Um, so we just have to begin understanding what is our emotional echo, what is it in the past? Because the great thing is, is we may not realize it until now because we talked about the different stages of learning. What we don't know, we don't know. So and once we realize it, then we can do something about it. Uh so we can start to heal the parts that maybe there was an issue. So maybe it's when you had to clean your plate. You couldn't leave the table till you cleaned your plate. So you find yourself cleaning the plate. Maybe it's I can because again, you're an adult and you have freedom, you can say, I'll stop when I'm comfortably full. But isn't it hard though to stop when you're comfortably full when your mindset is I have to finish everything on my plate? Because that's what I was taught. That what is what was wired. But as an adult, we go back to that and go, I have freedom. And then sometimes we can create a new association. So if before, if I was good in church, we got a reward. I got ice cream. So maybe a reward is different now. Maybe it's a walk for your body to do your body good, kind of like milk does your body good.

SPEAKER_02 17:58

Well, if you're good in church on Sunday, I'll take you for a walk.

hat You Pass On Next

SPEAKER_00 18:01

Okay, thank you. If I don't get too rowdy and out of hand, yeah, okay. Or it can be rest. Can I have a nap too? Can I take a walk in a nap if I'm good in church? So it again, we're talking about adults. We we we have to reward our kiddos different, but as we have kids and grandkids, we think about how do how are we doing that? What are we using food for? And how could that later affect them in the manner that it it maybe has affected us? And so that's a kind of a challenge too. That now we're in the position that maybe our parents were, maybe not with kids, but maybe with grandkids. Maybe you're a you see your grandkids a lot, and that could have a big impact on how they perceive food, exercise, all of those things. So those are those are questions to ask is how what are you passing on? And do you want to pass on those same things that have maybe echoed emotions in you? So really the challenge is where do you notice the strongest food issues? And is it is it you or is it maybe an echo from childhood or from the past? And if it is, then you can get past it, you can heal from it, but you just have to choose consciously instead of falling just into that echo and saying, Oh, this is the way it is, but it has to be this is coming from my past. How can I change it? How can I rewire my brain? And again, that's from maybe a reward to changing the reward. There's still a reward, but maybe it's exercise, maybe it's rest, maybe it's you buy yourself a pair of shoes, maybe it's something different, because now as a as an adult, you have freedom. And then the challenge is too is to be really conscious of what are you passing on to those those younger ones around you, and it may be little ones. Any thoughts, comments, or questions?

SPEAKER_02 20:08

And also purpose is just a lot.

SPEAKER_00 20:11

The thing to remember is that your past will explain your patterns, but it doesn't have to define them. So you'll be able to understand your patterns now, but it doesn't define them. So that means you get to choose them. Just like when we're gonna talk about in walk and talk, sit and talk, how your past is not your sentence. Your past of eating is not your sentence in how you have to eat now. Because now you know, and now you can make decisions. So that's the challenge. If you have any thoughts, comments, or questions, let me know. Otherwise, have a good evening, and I'll see everybody tonight or tomorrow. Thank y'all. And thank you to each of you for joining us on Healthy Huddle. We'll look forward to seeing you right here next time on Healthy Huddle.