Sit & Talk: Are You Interested or Committed?

We break down the real difference between being interested and being committed and how your everyday phrases quietly predict your follow through. We challenge ourselves to stop hiding behind “I’ll try” and start building self-trust with clear commitments and consistent action. 
• the subtle “interested” phrases that keep options open 
• why “I need to” often signals delay not action 
• what committed language sounds like in real life 
• how “I’ll try” becomes an excuse and a pattern 
• keeping promises to ourselves as a form of mental conditioning 
• treating obstacles like detours not roadblocks 
• building habits of planning action and learning from temporary failure 

I look forward to seeing you right here next time on Sit and Talk. 

https://aarondegler.com/

Transcript

Welcome And Why Mindset Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome back to Sit and Talk. Thanks for taking a little time to join us. If this is your first time here, welcome. Each week we just join our live call each week to discuss different mental health topics so we can work on mental conditioning just as much as we do our physical conditioning. So again, thank you for joining us on Sit Talk. Let's join our live call. If you happen to have read Fit by Friday this week, that came out on Monday, you might have seen what we're talking about today. You might have seen it mentioned in Fit by Friday. Because I did that on purpose, because I know what we're talking about today. So when we're interested, what kind of words do we use when we're interested in something? So before you answer that, if you look on Facebook and you scroll, sometimes you'll have something come up and it'll say somebody you're friends with is interested in. And it might be a page, it might be an event coming up. I mean, maybe something like that. And what do you think of when it says they're interested in? Maybe it's an event coming up and says they're interested. What do you think of? Like they might go in case, but in case something better comes up, they gotta kind of be like, maybe. Maybe try. I'll try. Like the idea sounds kind of fun or intriguing. Let me see. So do you ever click on those events or anything to see who is interested and who's going? Yeah, that's how you decide. That's how you decide. That's how you used to be able to decide when you signed up for a class. Am I going or am I just interested? If I'm just interested, I'm gonna click that I'm gonna get in, look to see who's in, and then get back out. But now you just have to be committed and just do it anyhow. But when we talk about interested, what kind of if we can't push a button that says going or interested or maybe, is maybe it maybe that when you hit maybe, that's what interested is. I don't know. I don't know if there's three buttons, I don't know. But I know there's a maybe. Like, why why hit maybe? That's saying you might be able to count on me, you might not. I can't really tell. But if we can't push a button, what kind of language do we use when we're interested in something? Whether it's you're going somewhere, whether it's a hobby, you want to try something, whatever it is, what kind of words do we use if we're interested? We'll see. We'll see. Has anybody ever said something to you go, well, I'd like to do that? Or have you ever said, Well, I think I can? Or I wonder if that would work. Hmm. So sometimes we use those type of words, and and maybe maybe you haven't ever used them, but maybe somebody else has. When you're telling them telling them about this great exercise plan that you have, and that because they want to know what you're doing and how you're getting there, what you're doing. You can't well, and then they say, Well, I'd like to do that, and then they kind of end the conversation. So maybe about a month ago, there was a lady that came in, and she was sharing about to find out what we offer, what we do, um, all those things. And so she was mentioning that she needed to start coming to the gym, start working out, you know, um, join a group. Um, and I had a client at the time, and uh the client I had, she's a real talker, so she was laying it on. She was telling about all the things, I mean, you know, a raving fan, just sharing it all. And like almost too much. I'm like, settle down. But she was all excited. I mean, she just told her everything. I didn't have to, I just stood back and she she took care of the rest. But so, and and the lady that had come in, she said, Yeah, I need to do that, and and kept talking. And so she left. And my client goes, Man, I think I really sold it. I bet she's gonna sign up. I said, She's not gonna sign up. She said, Well, how do you know? I said, Because multiple times through the conversation, she would answer, I need to. I need to start exercising, I need to come to the gym, I need to be in some group activities, I need, and so that's one of those words when people say, I need to, that's one of those ways of saying, I'm interested. I mean, mentally I know I'm I need to do that, but I'm not ready to do that. And she'd already said that a couple times after my client had just mentioned a few things, and I didn't want to bust her bubble and just say, we'll just stop talking now. Because we're not gonna get anywhere because she stuck on I'm interested. I want to find out all the details, schedule, pricing, all the details. Because what happens sometimes, how does that make us feel when we get all the details? Then I can make a really informed choice. Very educated decision. Very educated decision. I know it's for me. So what does when we're committed, what does that, what what kind of, you know, if we can't hit the button says, I'm going to the event. If we can't hit the button, what kind of words do we use when we're committed to something? I'll see you there. I'll see you there. That's a good one. Sometimes I will, and then whatever it is. I can. I can. Yes. Sometimes my plan of action is, and that sometimes it looks like I'm going to do X, Y, and Z. So those are some ways that show commitment. So on, I think it was the same day. I think it was the same day, maybe the next day. Anyhow. It was the same day. The same day. So the same day, another person didn't um I don't think did they message us on Facebook campaign? They messaged us Facebook. Like, just ask, you know, what's the price, what's the class schedule? Did didn't reach she just said what's the class schedule? Yeah, didn't require, I mean, really anything more than that. And so we'll give her the information and thank you, and that was it. And later that day, she signed up for classes. I mean, she signed up to for small group, she downloaded the app, she filled out all the things, she got signed up for classes, treadmill, small circuit, all the things. So we have one that was interested. I need to, and then one that said, I just need to know the class schedule and the cost, and then boom, did it. I will. I will sign up. Um, didn't need a lot. Um, and so that that is just just uh one of the many um simple um differences between interested and committed. Um, I don't need all the details, I don't need to figure it all out before I do it, I just know I'm gonna do it. Um and so kind of like when I talked about really the title of this week's Fit by Friday was trying quit trying. Because when we say, have has anybody ever said to you, I'm gonna try to be there? And then what if they say I'm gonna try to be there, whether it's to an event to go do something with you, to show up for you, to volunteer, to help you, whatever it is, how often does that happen that they actually show up? Not very, not very, especially if it's kind of an advanced. Well, I'll try to be there. That means I'm giving myself a little bit of an out because a lot of times, now more than ever, it seems like, when we say I'll try to do that, to be there, it really means that I'll I'll try if nothing better comes up. So if you know a more fun person doesn't come along, or an easier job of helping somebody, or a better organization, all those things, if something better doesn't come up, I'll be there. I'll try to be there. That that gives them a way of saying, I really worked hard to be there, I just couldn't make it. And that can mean a bunch of things. Maybe something better came along, maybe they were a little sleepy, didn't want to get out of bed, maybe there was too much wine drunk the night before, maybe you know, out too late, all the different reasons, but they can say, I tried. And did I try? Did they really try? Probably not. But if somebody says, I will be there, how many times when somebody says I will be there, are they there more times than not? Yes, yeah, because they gave you a commitment that says, I will be there. Honestly, I used to give the I'll try when people would ask something. Well, we'll try to make it. And as I've kind of discovered what that means, and we've talked about do others a favor and say no and own your reasons. Um don't really ever say I'll try. Um, if it's a no, I'll say no, not gonna make it. Um, and this is why. And just let them know. But if it is something we are gonna be there for, or I'm gonna be there for, say, I will be there. And I'll show up. I'll I'll be there because that's important, and that becomes part of when you say I'll try, and you don't follow through, that became becomes a character flaw. So that little habit becomes who you are. You know, people who constantly you ask them something and they say I'll try. And you know they are never showing up. I mean, you could almost bet money on it. But but that one time they do, you go, okay, this, you know, from now on, I bet they're gonna be there. And they continue to show you, you know, that's like telling your boss at work, I'll I'll try to make it to work tomorrow, boss. How many times of you trying and not showing up would you last at that job? Not long. Not long. They'd say, hit the rope, try working for somebody else. Good luck with that. But instead, everybody has jobs and you're committed to that job because every day you say, I will show up. And a lot of times it's be partly because you want a paycheck, you want to make a living. But when we say I will to somebody else or to ourselves, we're really holding up, you know, because oftentimes we say, I will do this, but we let ourselves down because there's no no big deal. Or if it's an event and you're volunteering for something, and well, there's plenty of people there. It's not that big a deal. I'm just one person. But sometimes four or five people woke up that morning and say, Well, there's other people there. When we had the uh Synergy Shuffle, one of the biggest problems that we had, you know, and it was it grew to be a big event. I think our largest one was about 280 people at the Synergy Shuffle. It was really hard not to get volunteers. You ask them two months ahead of time, not a problem. A month ahead of time, not a problem. Come race day, you're looking for volunteers because they don't show up. Because their I will turn into well, I tried and something came up. So as we talk about being committed, when we say I will, how do we do that? How do we how do we be committed? And and and one is because typically we if we say I'll try, well, if we don't hit the deadline, well, I tried, boss. I mean I I did the best I could, but if sometimes a timeline, especially for ourselves, is irrelevant. So, in other words, how many times have you set a goal? Maybe there was a time deadline, I want to lose five pounds by this date, and you didn't do it. Did you feel like a failure? Or did you lose three pounds by that date and just didn't hit the mark? So maybe it's not being committed is well, I'm gonna keep trying. I didn't hit that deadline, but I'm gonna keep working towards it. And so, because part of being committed means there's no obstacles that that you'll get around them. It's just like when we put something in GPS. Have you ever started? I think we've talked about this before. Have you ever started and there be construction? And did you ever go, well, there's construction, I'm going home. And chances are, what does your ways or your maps tell you? Go this way, go that way. Yeah, it tells you to go different directions. Nobody's probably ever gone, well, I'm just going home because it it's the way I'd planned is not right. You know, I have to change it, so I'm going home. Probably nobody has ever done that, especially if you're a couple hours into the trip. Maybe you're taking, you're driving and it's a long 10-hour trip. At hour nine, when you hit some construction, would you then say, Well, I'm going home, forget that. No, you're gonna find a different way. Same thing. You know, your goal was 30 pounds by this date. You lost 20, would you go up, forget it, get out the fat pants, getting back in them again? No. So the timeline really is irrelevant, and that and that is really when it comes to ourselves, when we are committed to ourselves. Because how many times maybe it's I'll try to get up with my first alarm, or I'll try not to hit the snooze button. Again, that gives us an out because the alarm went off, and you go, I'm so tired. I didn't get to bed till late. And then you can, then somebody might ask you, your accountability partner goes, Well, I tried, and then we give all the reasons. But a commitment goes, it doesn't matter what happened, that's what I told myself, and that's what happens. Has you have have you ever had anybody that makes promises to you and continues to break them? And if they do, what do you think about that person when they promise you something after they've done it over and over again, broken the promise? That's never gonna happen. That's not dependable. Not dependable. They they'll make you a promise and you go, that's about worth a penny because it's not worth much. So, and then so that's what happens when we do that to ourselves. We promise ourselves, okay, today is the day, this is the week. And then you don't. And so you get in the habit, well, I'm gonna promise myself this, but I know I'm probably not gonna do it. Because just as somebody else would do it to us, that happens to us too. And we do it to ourselves, and so it eventually we don't count on the other person, right? We don't call them to help us, we don't call them to do anything because we know they're not dependable, they're not gonna show up, they're not gonna be there when we need it. But we do the same things to ourselves, and we're shocked every time when we can't accomplish it. It's because we've had a habit of not showing up for ourselves, not keeping a promise to ourselves. We kept saying, Well, I tried to do it, I tried to do it. And again, the timeline is irrelevant. Maybe it takes you a little longer. Maybe instead of a year, it takes you two years. Maybe instead of three years, it takes you five years. But as long as you're committed, there's no obstacle. Obstacle can be time, can be people, can be money, can be energy, can be resources, can be all sorts of things, can be our obstacles. But sometimes it's just okay, I'm gonna conquer that obstacle and then conquer that obstacle, and then conquer that obstacle. And as long as we're moving forward, then we'll get there. It's when we have those roadblocks, is the roadblock is what stops us. An obstacle is simply something that you can that's in your way that slows you down. Are there sometimes roadblocks? There can be, until you figure out that it's only an obstacle. So a roadblock will stop you, and you go, Well, this is it, until you figure out how to get around it. So the timeline is really ill that word. Irrelevant. Thank you. Some days words are hard. So then we also have to make it a habit. So when how do we be committed? We have to make it a habit. So, what does that mean? It kind of goes back to obstacles, is we have to have a habit of overcoming obstacles. So some of you might have some obstacles right now, different ones. But the obstacles in your life so far, you overcome them because you wouldn't be where you're at right now in this moment, whether it's in the car, outside, on the porch, at work, all the different places, if you haven't hadn't overcome the obstacles. So you already have a habit of overcoming obstacles. And a lot of times what we do is we get an obstacle and go, well, I guess this wasn't meant to be. And you know, and then sometimes we like to use it as, oh, this is a sign. This is a sign I'm not supposed to do it. And sometimes it's just an easy way of letting us out. Maybe this is a sign that you need to figure out how to overcome this obstacle. Maybe it's a sign that you need to be more resourceful, maybe it's a sign that you need to get help from others, maybe it's a sign you need to rely on some someone else or something else to get the job done. Just because we go up to a big boulder and we can't lift it doesn't mean that we're supposed to stop. Maybe we're supposed to get a crane to pick it up and move it out of the way. So when we, you know, as we get a habit of overcoming obstacles, big and small, we start to think differently. We don't see it as a roadblock of okay, this is just an obstacle. How do I get around it? What can I do to move it? What can I do to climb over it? What is there that I can do? If if you've ever heard, probably most people have heard of Dave Ramsey. So he helps people get out of debt. So one of the things they talk about is a snowball effect of paying down your debt and little things. But anyhow, it grows. And so a lot of people might look at that as a roadblock. All the things there, their finances are a roadblock, but how he breaks it down is they're just obstacles. And he breaks down different methods on how to overcome the different obstacles a little bit at a time. And as what happens is you start chewing away at this little obstacle and then this one and this one, and then you see big, massive effects, and that's why they call it a snowball because it starts small as it goes down the hill, it gets bigger and bigger. You gain momentum. And so we have to have a habit of overcoming obstacles, and and and they'll start out small. And as we get older and sometimes in life, we get big ones. Um, and we have to figure out how do we get past those obstacles. And then we have to have it have a habit of planning. When we're committed, we it it takes a plan of how we're gonna do X, Y, and Z if you're an algebra, how you're gonna do X, Y, and Z to get all the way to C. I don't know how those all those letters combine equal C, and I never could figure it out, but you have to have a habit of planning. How many have ever gotten anything they really wanted by willy-nilly? Just whatever. No, you don't have a plan. Probably not. You know, you know, I I would like to willy-nilly all the things that are coming up in the next couple months. But as I sent out all the different dates of the different things we have, we have to plan so all those things happen. All those things can can play out, but it takes a plan because if not, I'll say, well, well, I I tried to have this event, but it just didn't work out. So I tell you, on our on our can't get words out today, on our carnival, on our all-star carnival, I was really having an obstacle getting the whole thing straightened out in my mind. It was really a challenge for me. I don't know why, but it really was. And so that was kind of the Reason for the delay getting everything out because I was really having a hard time organizing it in my brain until I decided, okay, I have to overcome this. And it's going to take some planning. And I was trying to just do it in my head. So finally, I spent a lot of time yesterday writing it all down, looking at everything. What do we need? What do I want to go? And so that's how I was kind of able to get everything out. So now I got a list of all the games, all the things that go with those games, the food. We've accomplished a lot in 24 hours with it because I got a popcorn machine, a cotton candy machine, like all the fun stuff. It's really good. But it took planning, it took writing it down to figure it all out. And that would have not happened, one, if I couldn't overcome that obstacle and figure, okay, what do I need to do? And I know me, I go, I gotta have a plan. And that was part of my problem. I didn't have a plan. And so I got a plan. And then we have to, the next thing is we have to have a habit of action. I have a lot of ideas. I have a lot of visions. And those things don't happen unless I have action. The the All-Star Carnival was a vision a long time ago, and it needed action. Some of the things we have planned coming up in the next month was a vision and I needed action. So we have to have a habit of taking action over and over again because if we don't, it's well, I tried. And sometimes we say I tried because we really thought about it all. But committed meaning goes, I'm going to take step one, two, three, and four and get me a little closer. So we have to have that action because we can have all the great ideas. I think we might have mentioned where where are some of the best ideas? The best ideas in the world, where are they? The graveyard. The graveyard, yes. Les Brown said that. They're in the graveyard because people took them to the grave with them because they didn't do anything with them. And along with action, habit of action, the last thing is we have to have a habit of experiencing temporary failures. A temporary failure isn't a bad thing. It just means something didn't work. That's when we go back to time is irrelevant. It didn't work, so let me try again. Let me try again. And so we have to have those temporary failures. What is how do you succeed the fastest? What's the fastest way to succeed? Fail. Fail. The faster you fail, the faster you can succeed. Because the faster you fail, the faster you figure out all the things that don't work. And then the faster you can get there to success. So many times we go, I'm scared if this doesn't work out. Well, then you just realize, well, that one didn't work out, but now I know the one way that doesn't work. And then you do it again. Now I know two ways that don't work. And now I know three ways. And so you start progressively getting it a little better. So when we're committed, we go, that's just a temporary failure, I'll get back up. When we're committed, we have action. When we're committed, we have we plan. When we're committed, we overcome obstacles. And when we plan, we go, this is the timeline I'd like it at, but maybe sometimes that isn't, I'm not there yet, so I can push it out a little bit. But as long as we're taking action, we're moving forward. So when we're interested, we like to say, I I might, I would, I think, when we're committed, we say, I will. So that's kind of the challenge is if you're committed, whether it's something you're doing for yourself, whether you're doing something for somebody else, say those words. When you tell somebody, I will be there, I will do that for you, then do that. And just as you would do that for them, when you say, I will do this for myself, I will spend an hour a day of exercise. For me, I will go outside and get some sunshine. For me, when you say I will, take it as I'm somebody that shows up, whether it's for somebody else or myself. I said I will, so that means I'll be there. And so that's the challenge to be committed by saying I will. And thank you to each of us, each of you, for joining us on Sit and Talk. I look forward to seeing you right here next time on Sit and Talk.