Healthy Huddle: The Second Self at The Table

We explore why eating choices can feel easy one moment and confusing the next, and we reframe it as different “selves” taking turns in the driver’s seat. We lay out five common selves that influence nutrition habits and show how inviting your future self into the decision can reduce regret without using guilt. 
• the core question of who is showing up when you eat 
• the difference between hunger and what state is driving 
• the disciplined self as structured and long-term focused 
• the tired self as low energy and drawn to easy food 
• the emotional self as seeking comfort and distraction 
• the social self as choosing connection and belonging 
• the future self as wise, calm, and values-aligned 
• practical steps to notice the current self and meet the real need 

https://aarondegler.com/

Transcript

Welcome To Healthy Huddle

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Healthy Huddle. Thank you for taking the time to join us. If this is your first time, welcome. Each week we just join our live call as we talk about a different nutrition topic each week. And we just uh talk about it, discuss it, and so let's join our live call for Healthy Huddle.

The Second Self At The Table

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Who's showing up when you eat is the big question. Today's topic is not the second shelf at the table, it's the second self at the table. You know, we don't want to think about the table as one shelf and our belly is the second shelf. So not shelf, but self. So we're going to talk about multiple personalities today. I mean, who's showing up at the table? So it kind of goes like if you think about it, if you've ever ate something and then later say, Why did I do that? But you probably didn't have that thought at the moment. You probably just thought, I want it, I need it, I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm mad, whatever it is. And then later you go, why'd I eat that? I usually don't do that. And then sometimes, you know, you might have gone through all the whole days, I'm gonna eat good, and then at night it went south. And then you say, Why did I do that? I was strong all day, and that goes for whether you're just trying to eat better, lose weight, whatever it is. It's because there's not just one, so yes, it's just us physically eating, but we're showing up at those different times as multiple versions of ourselves are showing up at those different times. So, really, whoever shows up kind of depends on the state you're in. So if you think about we're not just one, wouldn't it be nice if we were just one fixed eater? Like we ate like that all the time, just 100% of the time, that's just what we did, what we were. We never had struggles, never had a struggle, never. But even people that, you know, I talk to people that, you know, they don't even really think about food, it's just kind of they eat to survive. But again, they're not a fixed eater. In other words, they're not eating at the same time, they're not focused, okay, I'm gonna have this, this. That would really be a fixed eater. But even them, it it's it's showing up different, like, oh, wow, I'm low on energy. I probably need to eat. And so, or I have a headache. Oh, wow, I guess I need to eat. So even those that aren't thinking about food, they they still show up differently, depending on what they have going on. So different versions of us show up depending on our stress level, our fatigue, our loneliness, our celebration, our confidence, whether we're overwhelmed, whether it's structure, our environment. We've talked about all of those before. And really, if we think about it, think about all those different things. All those different versions eat differently. When you're stressed, you probably eat differently. When you're fatigued, you eat differently. Some people, when they're stressed, they eat everything. And then some people, when they're stressed, don't eat at all. Same thing with overwhelm. Maybe you're overwhelmed and just eat everything, and then maybe it's overwhelmed and so stressful that you can't eat. So different different ways you feel affect different people, how they eat. But still a different version of us are showing up at the food time. I won't say at the table because probably very rarely do we eat at a table. So it really what we eat doesn't reflect necessarily our hunger. It really reflects more of who's driving at the moment. So if you think about multiple personalities, who's driving the hunger boat at that moment, or who's driving the food boat? It's really, and so we're going to talk about those.

The Disciplined Self And Control

SPEAKER_00 4:08

We're going to talk about the five common selves. Again, not shelves, but selves, our selves that show up at the table. So we have the disciplined self. I think a lot of times we wish we were the disciplined self all the time. And you kind of you probably think there's been times where I've been super disciplined, and then there's times when I'm not as disciplined. And so what's the what does the disciplined self look like? It looks focused, it's very goal-driven, it's very prepared, it's very structured. That that disciplined self will say, I've got this, I can do this, I'm gonna get in my protein, I'm gonna eat my clean carbs. The disciplined self is thinking long-term. Because when we're disciplined, are we looking at long-term or short short-term goals? Long-term. Long-term. Motivation gets us looking at short-term goals. Discipline is our long-term goals because discipline makes us do those things because we want the long-term results. So this this self, the disciplined self, usually shows up, you know, when we're working out in the mornings, after motivation kind of dips a little bit. That's when the the disciplined self shows up. And you probably noticed that there's times, so why is there times when you're disciplined and then times when you're not? Because this self tries to control everything really strict and really hard, which can create some pushback later from your other parts. So, because we have other because sometimes when we're disciplined, we may be really disciplined, but sometimes being tired sneaks in, being stressed sneaks in, being overwhelmed sneaks in. So then those things start to push on the discipline aspect.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

Or just changing our mind. That's not what I want to do today.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Yeah, or or or yeah, sometimes it's like it's like I'm just changing my mind like that. I don't want to have to think about that today. So discipline kind of goes out the window.

The Tired Self Wants Easy

SPEAKER_00 6:25

And so the the next self is the tired self. That's when, have you ever said, I don't care what I eat? Whatever's easiest. I've had a long day. And so that self sometimes wants easy food, comfort food, maybe fast food, whatever's quick and easy. Maybe they maybe that self wants sugar, salt, and if that's something you don't learn to normally drink, eat, then you're like, I don't care. I just want whatever's easiest. I'm tired. I don't want to have to think about it. So that's sometimes when you just change your mind, you're like, I'm just tired of this. I don't want to do this anymore. And so you go on to the easy foods. And so, really, this self doesn't really lack the discipline, it's really lacking the energy. Because doesn't discipline take energy? Think about all the time you've been disciplined with exercise, with with diet, with anything you've done. It takes it takes energy to think about it, to plan for it. All of those things. It takes a lot of energy. And some days you just don't have the energy and go, I don't really care today. The energy is gone. And so think about what are some of those things that you might eat when you are tired. I mean, it's different for all of us. All of us have the different go-to things that maybe when we're tired we eat.

The Emotional Self Seeks Comfort

SPEAKER_00 7:48

And so then we have the emotional self. When you get emotional, what does emotional look like? Uh maybe there's conflict, maybe there's stress, maybe there's disappointment, maybe there's anxiety. So maybe that self wants some discomfort. Maybe it just is trying to uh have a distraction, maybe it's soothing. So what emotional self maybe choose wine when the disciplined self wouldn't? Like like Crystal's got right there.

SPEAKER_02 8:25

Makes your back hurt less too.

SPEAKER_00 8:30

Makes your back feel better. So see that so that's when your self wants comfort. Yes. You know, yes, maybe numbness to numb the pain of the back pain. Not to numb life's pain, but yes, or life pain. Or life pain. So typically the emotional self wants that stuff. It wants to see that it the emotional self might say, I deserve this. Have you ever said, kind of like maybe the wine or ice cream or your guilty pleasure, I deserve this. When we give all the reasons why we deserve that, it's kind of like when you buy something, maybe at the store, you're shopping, and you say, I deserve this. And that that's really an emotional purchase because you're you're trying to talk yourself into why do you deserve this? So you're making it for yourself to say, okay, I need this.

SPEAKER_02 9:20

We have a good example of I deserved this yesterday. We got scared to death going into those chilies, and so then I was like, I deserve a drink right now.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

Somebody was gonna get it.

SPEAKER_02 9:33

They like, yeah. Like my heart rate was racing. It scared me.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

I dropped as if she wasn't gonna have a drink anyway. Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

But it but it made it go better.

SPEAKER_02 9:47

Yeah, it was like, okay, I really deserve this now.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

So were were they in a white man or just a moped?

SPEAKER_02 9:54

We didn't think it yelled.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Oh yeah. Were y'all all together as you walked in?

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Crystal and I were. Oh, okay. Crystal Milligan and I were. Oh, yeah. We were the ones that heard it.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

Scream like the loudest scream you've ever seen.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

Like was it at y'all, or just it was just a scream?

SPEAKER_01 10:17

We know something.

SPEAKER_00 10:19

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 10:20

And then someone honked at us at the same time.

unknown 10:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:25

So you didn't look around to see if somebody needed help, you just got scared and went in to have a drink.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:32

Oh, I'm pretty sure they didn't need help. I think they were just being silly.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

That's a good word, silly. But but that's but that is a good a good example of I deserve. I got scared, my heart rate, I need to calm it down. I deserve that. Or sometimes it's I've been so disciplined all week long, I deserve this meal. I think we do that quite often. It the holiday only comes around once. I deserve this. Again, it's soothing, it's comfort, all of those things. But sometimes really is what comfort sometimes needs is, or what emotional self needs is comfort, not necessarily calories, but but we do use that as a comforting tool.

The Social Self And Fitting In

SPEAKER_00 11:25

And then we have the social self. Um, of course, where does this one show up? Around parties, um, nights out, family gatherings, vacations, where you want to be social. It says everyone else is, so why shouldn't I? It says it's a special occasion, just like I said, holidays. I don't want to miss out. I want to be part of the group. If they're drinking, I want to be part of that. If they're having dessert, I want to be part of that. Because if other people at the table get dessert and you don't, what what do they say sometimes?

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Why are you not having dessert?

SPEAKER_00 12:06

Right. And then subconsciously, you may say, Well, I just don't want any subconsciously, they're thinking, oh, they think they're better than us because they're not having dessert, so they're being better than us. But so so typically the social will just go ahead because we don't want to be that odd person out, odd couple out. And really, this self-the social self eats for connection, it's connecting with others and want to be a part of everybody else is having margaritas, so I'm going to everybody else is having chips, so I'm going to everybody else is going back for seconds, so I'm going to. So it's just about connection.

The Future Self Sets Direction

SPEAKER_00 12:43

And then there's the future self. The future self. Have you has the future self ever stopped you from doing anything? Anything, not just with food, but anything. So my future self this morning, if you're on Walk and Talk, my future self stopped me from throwing the microphone against the brick wall because it was cutting in and out, and it kept doing it, and it was about to drive me bananas. And I didn't have any more batteries to put in it, so I had to just deal with it. And it was all I could do to not, because I had three other microphones, but none of them have batteries, so I knew I had another one. But it my future self said, that's not gonna look right, that's gonna make a mess, and you're gonna make a fool of yourself. So just be patient and wait for the microphone to get back on board with you and let it go.

SPEAKER_02 13:40

Made for a good time, huh? It was making for a good time, yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Um but but if my future self hadn't hold it back, that whole tone of that um would not have been fun. They'd have been like, okay, we're done.

SPEAKER_02 13:58

Okay, let's go.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

Yep. It'd been it'd been like yesterday all over again. You'd been scared and you'd need to have to go get mimosas because it was only 7:30 in the morning.

SPEAKER_02 14:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

So hopefully, sometimes um maybe it's words that you speak um that your future self keeps those inside. Because you think them in your head, you think if I say those, I know how that conversation's gonna end, I know how that person's gonna act. I know what's, and so you're looking at the future, and that future self says, Don't do it right now. Keep it in your head, don't let it out verbally. So I'm sure the future self has helped you many times. I mean, you might just not always be aware of it. When you think ahead of how it could turn out, that's your future self doing the work. It's kind of like when, you know, you might really want two margaritas or three, but your future self says, Hey, you gotta get up early in the morning and work out. You're probably not gonna feel real good about that. You're gonna feel probably yucky, so you better just stick with two. That would be the future self working on your current. And so that's kind of what the future self does is how am I gonna think about this tomorrow, the next day, next week? Maybe it's when I go on the scale, maybe it's when I put on these clothes, whatever it is, it is preventing us from doing what we want to do at the moment. And and this self is is when when the future self is involved, it's usually pretty calm. It's wise, it's intentional because your few your future self is wise because it is thinking ahead. You know, kind of like your parents when you're a kid and they told you things, and you said that's not right, and you went ahead and did it anyhow, and then you realize they were right. That would be like your future self saying, Hey, don't do this, dum-dum, because it's gonna get you in trouble. You shouldn't do that. So this self doesn't necessarily seek perfection, it just seeks being in alignment, being in congruency with what you want. Just like if you're thinking about if you have a goal, whether it's in work, in health and wellness, and emotional and spiritual, and the current thing doesn't serve your future self, then you're probably not gonna do it. Because again, it does, it's not alignment with your future self. And so the future self-again, it's not about perfection, it's just is this in line with what I want to do?

Food Is A Symptom Not Cause

SPEAKER_00 16:48

And so most of the times we try to fix, we try to control the food, but really the food a lot of times is not the issue, but very rarely is the issue. And I think if you've seen a commonality between all of our discussions is that it's not really the food, it's more about what state we're in, and it's more about how we're thinking about. You know, if if maybe we're tired and our tired self is eating, there's you know, no food plan will work because we're tired. And the discipline self isn't there right there. It's the tire, it's like I don't care, I just want to eat something. You know, if our emotional self, I just need some comfort, some soothing, trying to calculate our macros is not going to work, then we're like, I don't care what my macros are, it doesn't matter. I need to be comfort and soothed. If our social self is leading, then a lot of times think about isn't your discipline a lot less when you're in a social environment? Because, like, yeah, have another drink, have some dessert, have some appetizers, you know, keep eating. Everybody else is so discipline is super hard. Uh, so we have to be aware of who is what self is showing up.

Work With Each Self Wisely

SPEAKER_00 18:11

So then how do we work with those different selves? So the different selves again are our disciplined self, our tired self, our emotional self, our social self, and our future self. And you know, first of all, we have to who's here? What what person is here? Which self is here? Which personality am I currently dealing with? And you know, who's at the table? Is it disciplined me, tired me, emotional me, social me, future me? Who's here right now? And then when we're aware of that, it'll start to change our behavior. Maybe it really is your tired self, and then you can meet that self with what it actually needs. So maybe your tired self needs some rest. Maybe it's not really hungry, maybe it just needs a nap, maybe it just needs some calmness, maybe it just needs some simpler decisions, our emotional self, maybe is what it needs is some connection or it needs some movement. Because if maybe you are an angry eater, when you eat, you when you get angry, you eat. But maybe if you went for a walk or went to work out or did something different, that would help get that emotion out. When what does your soul social self need? Maybe it's boundaries, maybe it's intention. Maybe it's you go into a party and say, I just want to be present with everybody. I'm just gonna have one plate because I know I'll just want to eat everything because I'm in a social environment. And then, so but we always want to invite the future you into at the table, because the future self will say, What would the future me choose here? Whatever your goal is. And hopefully you've thought about the future you. I think we've talked about the future you, but what would that person choose? So, in other words, if you think about anything you want in the future, what you want to be, how you want to act, all of those things. If you choose what that future you choose, and you do that over and over and over again, you will eventually become the future you. And so, when we're at the table, what would the future you choose? Would it choose the second dessert? Would it choose the appetizers? Will it choose the fourth glass of wine? Because you bought a bottle, so I mean, might as well have the fourth one so you don't have to cork it and take it home. I mean, just just thinking. So, what would the future you choose? Not really, and that's not a point from guilt, but it's more about wisdom. What how would I want to feel tomorrow, the next day? How do I want to feel about myself? And so the future you always want to be invited to the table, and and and that's more challenging when it's you're tired, you're emotional, you know, you're lacking some discipline, all of those different things, or in your social setting, it's the future you, how do you want to show up in the future? And then however you want to show up in the future is how you show up now. So that's kind of the challenge is to recognize who's at the table, and whoever it is at the table and table, and it's just generically speaking, because it might again be just as the drive thru, it might be um sitting in the chair, whatever it is. Can you invite the future you and what would that difference make? So, first it's being aware of who's there. And that would then what would the future you

Invite Future You And Close

SPEAKER_00 22:02

do? And thank you to each of you for joining us on Healthy Hut. I look forward to seeing you right here next time on Healthy Hub.