SoulFit: Some People Are Meant For A Chapter, Not A Lifetime

We talk about why some relationships are meant to be seasonal, not permanent, and how accepting that can free us from bitterness, guilt, and fear. We connect the idea of life seasons to Scripture and share practical ways to release, redefine, or set boundaries without turning every change into a breakup. 
• Ecclesiastes 3:1 and the idea of a season for everything 
• Expecting “forever” friendships and why that mindset backfires 
• Circumstantial relationships built around shared direction and shared goals 
• A real story of a business mentor who was vital for a season 
• How growth changes priorities, tolerance, and connection 
• Why relationships can change without being broken 
• The “rope burns” warning signs of holding on too tightly 
• Boundaries that protect you without requiring a total ending 
• Grief that blocks new relationships and new opportunities 
• Trusting God with new seasons through Isaiah 43:18-19 
Look forward to seeing you right here next time on SoulFit. 

https://aarondegler.com/

Transcript

Relationships Have Seasons

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Because today we will be talking about some relationships are seasonal. I think sometimes we think relationships are meant forever. They're always supposed to be around. We're always supposed to have them. But sometimes they're just seasonal. And it's for all sorts of reasons, whether we grow apart, ideas change, all sorts of reasons. And in the book of the Bible, that I cannot say, I can't, no, I like verbally have a hard time getting the word out. So I'm gonna I'm gonna butcher it, but it's I'm looking at it and I can't say it. It starts with an E, C C. Ecclesiastes, Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastics. See like I have to mess it up. Yeah. Eccles say it again, Kim. Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes 3-1. I'm not saying it again. There's a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. So, you know, last couple weeks and all different things, and last week we talked about seasons, and we talked about winter and spring and summer and fall and all of that. We really concentrated on winter. But nature has the seasons. You know, there's seasons of life when everything blooms in the spring. When the fall, everything kind of withers and dies in the summer, and the fall everything blooms, no, starts to change colors and die, getting ready for winter. But everything has a season, it always comes around. And so do we have relationships seasons and relationships. Some relationships really bloom, some grow slowly, some go through a winter, some come through an end. The challenge is really to recognize those seasons without becoming really bitter or resentful or fearful. Because when summertime comes, we're not all bitter about it. We just know it's that's the time it's coming. When spring comes, time changes. We might grumble a little bit about it, but we don't let that ruin our, you know. I'm gonna not let I'm gonna let the time change ruin my spring. It's the worst thing ever. We don't do that, but sometimes we do that when a relationship moves out of a season because we

Why We Expect Forever Friends

SPEAKER_00 2:50

do expect them to last forever. Think about maybe you had a best friend in junior high. Chances are you still may not be best friends, but it but but what did you write, depending on your age, in the yearbook? Best friends forever. You might have written that in high school, but that's not always the case. You might go, but we're still not, I mean, we're not friends now. That's not forever. You might have some friends now that go, oh, we're gonna be friends forever. Sometimes people come to the gym and go, this is the best place ever. I'm I'm going here forever. And then a number of years later, they don't. Why? It's because maybe someone else changed, maybe we've changed, maybe circumstances have changed. So a lot of times, relationships, we expect them to last forever, that they're going to be around forever, but that doesn't always mean that that's gonna be the case. Because, you know, we won't always share the same interest, we won't always be going in the same direction.

Shared Direction Creates Temporary Bonds

SPEAKER_00 4:02

You know, when we think about when I when I think about direction, I've done a lot of different obstacle races, and the interesting thing is that group of people that I might be running with, walking with, climbing over obstacles with, we're not gonna have, you know, and we might give each other a boost over an obstacle or cheer each other on. Why is that? That's not gonna be a friendship that lasts forever, it's a relationship that we're forming because we're going in the same direction. And then when we get to the end, we're gonna go in different directions and we're never gonna see each other. But during that season of that hard time of getting over an obstacle, that there's nothing wrong with giving another person a hand. So in that moment, we had a relationship because we were going in the same direction with the same goal in mind. My thought was never, oh my gosh, we're gonna be besties forever because they help flip me over this. This is the best thing ever. No, but yet we tend to think that when we're going through with something with someone, think about as a parent of the relationships you had while your kids were in school. Chances may be that you still don't have those relationships. Why? Because there were circumstantial relationships, in other words, you you had kids doing the same things, going, you were seeing each other, it was seasonal, and you thought we're really good friends, but it was seasonal, and you stopped talking because your direction in life changes, priorities change, responsibilities change. Sometimes faith changes. You might have a really good relationship with somebody at church, and they decide, or you decide, that you want to go to a different church, and then you don't talk to that person as much, you don't see them as much. Again, because things change, life changes. And sometimes, you know, I think sometimes we think relationships end because the other person did something, and that's not really the case. Sometimes they just simply end because seasons changed. We don't get mad at the tree for losing its leaves in the fall. Why'd you lose your leaves? You're so stupid, tree. No, it's just we expect it because what happened? The season changed. So the same is true for us, and and people come and go. So somebody can be right for one part of our life and no longer fit the next chapter we're entering. So it doesn't mean that we erase the memory of that person or that value of that relationship is any less, it just means it's different, and and sometimes God works a lot of times, most times, through people. And God can use different people for different purposes. Just because they came into our life doesn't mean that's forever. Or if we go into somebody's life, maybe God's using us for a purpose, and he uses different people for different purposes.

A Mentor Who Shaped A Decade

SPEAKER_00 7:19

I always think about when I think about seasonal relationships. I had a business mentor, and he was so helpful and made you know when I was going through a lot of challenges at Synergy, he helped me and and we talked about a lot of different things, and through our conversations and his mentoring, he we can he helped me develop the idea of M2B fitness, and uh you know that was kind of a secondary. We're still focused on synergy fitness. How does that work? What does that look like? And M2B fitness was kind of something we dabbled with, kind of work worked on as kind of an idea. And so as the idea of M2B fitness grew and I felt more drawn to that, we weren't really seeing, we weren't really being able to line up with our vision. I had a different vision, and it was so it was a it was a challenge for him to see what my vision was. I wasn't doing a good job of explaining it, we were just kind of not on the same page. But yet he kept being my mentor. We're not really going the same direction. I felt really bad about saying, hey, you know, I don't think we're going in the same direction. And why? The reason I felt bad is because I thought he has helped me so much that I don't want to just say, hey, this isn't working anymore. I felt obligated because he helped me in that season. And then when I began to realize he was there for that season. And if he had not come in during that season and God put him in my life at that time for that purpose, what we do now, I truly believe would not have happened. There's no way it would not have happened without him being in my life in that season. And and the the all the different things that had gone on. Synergy and helped me to build the understanding of what M2B fitness is from the logo to the name to everything. He had a hand in that in that season to get that going. And that was a purpose for what we could do later down the road. And that was oh man, that was probably that was probably close to 10 years ago. M2B fitness really has been ongoing for the last couple last 10 years. So what we're doing in the last four or five years really started 10 years ago. So he was there for, and I used to get really irritated at him because he would challenge me on things and make me think, and I would tell Kim, I'd get irritated. But those things that I got irritated at him about, and he really challenged me on made such big improvements in me and my business. And at the time I just go, Oh, he doesn't know. And then I reflect on and go, he's exactly right. And he did the right thing to challenge me. And so again, it was again while it was a little bit hard to say we have to go different ways because right now our direction's not lining up, so it's time for us to go different directions. But he was crucial, and I believe that God put him in my life for that purpose, not to mention just an amazing human, an amazing person, but made a big difference in my life. So it is challenging sometimes when somebody has done that amount of good in your life to say it was just for a season. And when I began to realize that, it gave me a little bit, I didn't feel as much guilt about us parting ways. And and and sometimes as we grow apart, you know, growth can create

Growth Creates Distance And Change

SPEAKER_00 10:51

distance. I was growing in a different manner, and so it began to grow distance between him and I. And it changes relationships when we grow. Conversation changes, priorities change. Sometimes your tolerance for unhealthy behaviors decreases, it changes, your goals become more clear, your need for approval might lessen. So that can create some real distance. And so sometimes, again, it's seasonal, and it may be something you needed in that season, and then you grow, and you grow out of that season, you grow out of that relationship. Now be mindful. We're talking about you, you, you, but that could be happening on the other end too. The other person could be growing, and the question is, am I growing too? Maybe they've outgrown me, and and sometimes we get upset. Well, they just think they're better than me. And sometimes when we really look at it, we go, maybe they just have outgrown me, and maybe that growth changed them in a positive way that maybe I wasn't doing, but we may do the same too. Because a change relationship doesn't always mean it's broken, you know, relationship doesn't have to end in an argument or a dramatic goodbye. When my business mentor and I separated, it that relationship was not broken. I still talk to him often, see how he's doing. We still engage in different training and do different things, so we still have a relationship, but it just didn't mean it was broken, it was just different. And so that that happens a lot of times. Doesn't mean that it's broken.

Letting Go Before The Rope Burns

SPEAKER_00 12:36

And sometimes I think us trying to hold on to relationships is sometimes us trying to force what God may be trying to release. We're holding on to the rope really tight of this relationship, really tight, and God's going, you gotta let go, you gotta let go. But we're trying to force it, but God's maybe trying to release it. Why? Why are we why do we have the the tight grip on the rope so tight that we're getting rope burns? Because maybe we fear being alone, maybe we fear hurting someone's feelings, maybe we we fear admitting things have changed. Maybe we fear losing history. We've been friends for 10 years. I'm gonna keep holding on to the rope. Maybe we fear starting over. I gotta start with a new friendship. Oh my gosh. Maybe sometimes we hold on to it because we think about just a little bit more, a little bit more. So we try to revive that friendship when sometimes, or that relationship when sometimes there's no longer life left in it. The season is over, and we're forcing it when God says maybe you should just let it go. And so we keep forcing the connection, we keep working on it, we keep um returning to the unhealthy patterns because we're trying to revive the relationship, you know. So we have to recognize, is God wanting asking me to release this relationship? And and and there might be some fears, and that's where our faith comes in because we may not understand why we need to release this. And sometimes we have to release that because there's a better thing on the other side, there's a better relationship. Maybe we have to release that relationship because he wants a better relationship with us, and that relationship is holding us back from having a better relationship with him.

Boundaries Grief And New Opportunities

SPEAKER_00 14:45

And some relationships, maybe they just need more boundaries, they don't need a complete ending. We've talked about boundaries numerous times, but sometimes they just need new boundaries, and maybe that means spending less time together, limited conversations. Maybe you're refusing to participate in gossip and negativity. So you can still have those connections and relationships. Maybe you just started setting boundaries. You have a healthy relationship. And sometimes when we grieve old relationships, we miss new ones, we miss new opportunities. And sometimes that's what happens when we're stuck in the past. When we're stuck in the past, we're looking at the rearview mirror and we miss the beauty that's in front. We miss what we the opportunity we have to see what's out in front. And because we we're grieving those. We grieve those relationships. And and and this goes with not only those relationships that we lose because we we part ways, we disagree, but also in those relationships that we lose of loved ones that have passed away. We miss sometimes new relationships because we're still grieving what we had in that old relationship, and we miss that. And God wants good for us. And by holding on and grieving that old relationship, there may be someone or that comes into your life that can give you an amazing relationship that God has put in your path for a purpose, and we miss it because we're holding on, grieving an old one. Because God may be bringing people into life who maybe encourage our spiritual growth, they share our current values, they challenge us in healthy ways. Maybe they're there to walk beside us in the next chapter, and we miss that person that we needed in that new chapter because we are still grieving an old one that went away. We we don't we we grabbed on really tight, we got rope burns, we didn't want to let go, but kind of like in Titanic, Jack went down anyhow. That's just what happened. There was there was room for him on. There is the debate. There was there may have been room on the door for Jack, but Rose fell asleep. Yeah. But but sometimes we miss that person because we need them in the next chapter. We go, God, why didn't you send me this person in this chapter? In this new season, and his response might be, I did. And you missed it three times because you're holding on to an old relationship that you're agreeing. And and so, really, our challenge is to trust God with the changing seasons. Um, in Isaiah 43, 18 through 19, it says, Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up. Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. So sometimes we can't see it because we're in the wilderness. Sometimes we can't see it because we're in the wasteland. But he's providing making a way in the wilderness, providing the streams in the wasteland. So we have to release our control and trust. And in that trust, that in the changing seasons, God will meet our needs in that season. And that to remember that sometimes relationships are only there for a season. And that is okay, because sometimes that is God's purpose is to put that relationship in our life for a season. And as with all seasons, as we talked about last week, all seasons come to an end. And that's okay. Because when winter comes to an end, guess what? There's a new spring, and things bloom in the spring. And if we try to hold on to those old things in the winter, we'll never get to experience what spring has to offer and the beauty that spring has to offer. So that is just really the challenge is to trust God in your season, in your changing seasons, in your relationships, that not all of them are meant to get rope burns from. Not all of them are meant to hang

Prayer And Final Challenge

SPEAKER_00 19:31

on to. So the challenge is maybe are there some relationships that you currently have that you've been holding on to, that maybe it was just a season because and you're missing the opportunities that God is putting for before you because you're trying to hang on to those relationships when it was just meant for a season, not a lifetime. So we'll finish up in prayer, and then everybody can go on with their fantastic Friday. Dear Heavenly Father, thank you so much for gathering us today, all of us to be in this place and together, and and just to hear your word about seasons and about that we not to dwell on the past, but but to look towards the future and know that you have good things in store for us and that that we trust you in our our changing seasons. We trust you in that our relationships, the people that are brought into our lives and out of our lives, that it is your purpose and your design for our life. So just give us the strength, Lord, to to rely on that and trust in that and know that you want good for us. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Thank you, everybody, and thank you to each of you for joining us on SoulFit. Look forward to seeing you right here next time on SoulFit.