#34 Diving In Head First- Embracing Chaos with Hazel Butterfield

Hazel is a Blogger and Presenter at Riverside Radio in South West London. Her broadcasts exemplifies her love of music, books, chatting, fun and 'sense of humour'! Her open manner and no nonsense attitude contribute to her unique presenting and interviewing style. Hazel has a variety of passions that make her who she is. A love of extreme sports, challenges, travel, food, fitness, fashion and obviously radio, embracing the unknown. As well as her involvement in fundraising for various charities! Her sense of adventure and authenticity make her a dynamic presenter. Covering a diverse range of topics with empathy, common sense and charisma.

Instagram - @nuttybutty10

Riverside Radio - https://www.riversideradio.com/shows/riverside-today-with-hazel

www.hazelbutterfield.com

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Transcript

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Josephine McGrail: So good morning. Good morning. So today I am sitting down and I'm really excited. I'm in fact, so excited that I kind of have to like, hold myself back a little bit, because otherwise it's going to get really loud. I'm sitting down with the gorgeous hazel Butterfield presenter, plugger radio host. Extravaganza, entrepreneur. Amazing woman! We met a few weeks ago, and immediately I was like.

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Josephine McGrail: I don't know really what this woman's about, but I really like her energy. So, Hazel, Hazel, thank you. Thank you for coming on. I'm so excited to have you.

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Hazel Butterfield: Thank you for inviting me. I'm so I've just said, you know, I'm so gutted I'm not in a ball gown. We should have really gone high end on this.

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Josephine McGrail: I mean, you're right. And what I'm also thinking, this got me thinking that going forward, I need to theme these episodes, each episode

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Josephine McGrail: right?

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Hazel Butterfield: I love that flow.

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Josephine McGrail: Know we need to have a theme because listeners out there, if you're not watching the Youtube, and you're just getting our awesome audio this morning I somehow ended up in a ball gown, and I do not know how it happened. I, you know, got out of bed, did my thing, had a shower all the usual, and all of a sudden, 1, 2, 3, and I was like almost like a Disney moment. You know, we have like those birds, and there's like a spinning thing, and there's some

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Josephine McGrail: sparkling stuff, and there's a wand. And then all of a sudden she's and this is how I appeared. So today is going to be a party.

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Hazel Butterfield: But let's pivot back to what we are really here to talk about. So, Hazel, let's start at the beginning. Where are you from? And what kind of family system, if you like. Were you born into? Was it like a traditional mom, dad, house dog? I don't know whatever or like mine a crazy, big, wonderful patchwork of everything from everywhere.

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Hazel Butterfield: It's I don't know. It's quite eclectic. I mean, I am from up north. And so I was raised by my mom. My dad was kind of in the background a little bit, and I come from a bizarrely kind of strong female background where my grandma as well. Grandma was there. Granddad was somewhere in the background, kind of walking dogs with me. But my grandma was this like fierce, fiercely kind of

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Hazel Butterfield: she was such a feminist. But even in the 19 fifties she had like 4 jobs. And I'm not talking like the kind of lower level jobs I'm talking magistrate and counselor and things like that, while having 4 kids absolute bonkers. Same with my mom, you know, being a single mom, she would just she would have so many different jobs, and you know she got her degree when she was in her forties. So you know, it's kind. It's excellent for me, but it also

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Hazel Butterfield: meant that I just automatically assumed that women can do anything. You know how society, especially 1020 years ago. It's telling us that we couldn't, and I was like what.

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Josephine McGrail: Oh!

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Hazel Butterfield: So it. I was kind of naive, in a way, because I always just did whatever I wanted. And then I got that judgment from the side, because it was like, Well, who the hell does she think she is? And I just never thought there were any restrictions. So I've always kind of just

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Hazel Butterfield: seen something I wanted, and.

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Josephine McGrail: A 100%. And I'm sitting here going like, Wow, you know, like, this makes even more sense. Why, I felt this really strong connection to, because I'm so similar. So I'm from like a really powerful female line. So, my great grandmother, you know she was this incredible woman, that

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Josephine McGrail: although she didn't have 500 jobs, but her energy she was literally like the center of the family. She brought everyone in. She was. She was the one who was like working with the land and with like teaching me how to plant. And you know so, and understanding how nature worked, and just always was like, you know, would sit me down because she was. She was my great grandma on my dad's side, and my parents split up when I was very little.

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Josephine McGrail: and I always was kind of almost like a mediator between the 2, as kids often do right, almost becoming a therapist for both of them, and my great grandmother was always like, sat me down, and would just listen to me, pour my heart out, and not taking sides, and just kind of you know, letting me do my thing, and so, but she was very much the center of the family on my dad's side, and then on my mom's side, I had my mom's mother, who, at the right

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Josephine McGrail: age of like I don't know. Just after the Second World War, so like late teens, picked up a man from Scotland and sailed across to Australia and had her 1st kid there, her second kid, my mom in Papua New Guinea. So even more adventurous.

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Josephine McGrail: And then, after a few years, was like this, is not working, picked up. Her kids, sailed back to Denmark on rope. Day, fell in love with another dude and took the kids to England for a while, and then back to Denmark and basically placed her kids with her own parents and went out and got an amazing job. And and my mom was the same. So I also sort of grew up with, not really a dad. Of course my dad was around ish, but it was very.

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Hazel Butterfield: Cool.

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Josephine McGrail: 100% exactly. It was not the leading forward. I had my great grandmother. Then I had my mom, and then I had my mom's mother, and it was these sort of 3 females that were just the drivers and like you.

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Josephine McGrail: So I've always just had this like a woman can do anything like. And then I'm also from Denmark. So you know, very different culture as well. You know we're like.

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Josephine McGrail: since you grow up. You're like we are Pippi Longstocking, you know, like we have got this sort of Viking thing about us. And on one hand, it's been amazing, and just like you. On the other hand, also on a personal level, like really deeply personal.

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Josephine McGrail: it's been really difficult for me to create space in my life for a partner like a male partner to actually go. You know what? It'd be nice to have you here, because I've always kind of been like. Oh, they're just kind of floating around in the background. This is this is not. This is not really what this is about. So so, yeah.

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Hazel Butterfield: Find the unicorn. You need to find somebody that appreciates your strength and isn't threatened by it, and there are many men out there that can do that. Men or women depending on. You know what your inclination is, but it's it's a tough one, because sometimes strong people we are quite hard sometimes to manage, because we know that things just kind of get done if we're kind of in control of it. But also some people will just let you ride that wave.

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Josephine McGrail: Hmm.

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Hazel Butterfield: Support you and other people will either get frustrated. And we're just not your right, the right people for you. Right.

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Josephine McGrail: No, I love that Hazel, and actually I am actually engaged at the moment. So I did find a good unicorn in the end we are in a good spot. I just wanted to kind of like exactly

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Josephine McGrail: wanted to like, you know, hands off gone like I can really relate to that. But let's go back to you. So this is the foundation that you came from. Do you have brothers and sisters.

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Hazel Butterfield: So I have one brother and 2 half sisters, virtually all of my family still live up north in Huddersfield, where I'm from, I mean, I kind of got. I was working so many hours all over the country when I was about 18. So about 19, I just packed up my car and moved to London, and I've never been back.

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Josephine McGrail: Oh, my God!

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Hazel Butterfield: I go back for like weddings and funerals and things like that.

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Josephine McGrail: Yeah.

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Hazel Butterfield: Yeah. So I moved to London. And yeah, just always worked.

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Hazel Butterfield: So, my my 2 half sisters, once in France and once in Spain, which is brilliant because actually, it's easier to get to Spain, considering where I live in London than it is to get up north, because, you know, I'm 10 min away from Heathrow and 20 min from Gatwick. So it's like.

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Josephine McGrail: Oh, my God!

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Hazel Butterfield: You know, given traffic.

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Hazel Butterfield: And so yeah, it's. And and so I've basically been in Southwest London since I was 1920.

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Josephine McGrail: Okay. And what brought you to London? Initially, apart from London being everything that London is. But what was there like a specific pursuit? Was it love? Was it work? What was it, Hazel? Where you were running away from something? Were you running towards something? What was it.

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Hazel Butterfield: Little bit on column A, BCDE, definitely, not for love, but also I was kind of in a boring relationship, and I was like, Ugh!

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Hazel Butterfield: To just move away. But I need to do like the censored version of how it kind of happened because I was. I was working ridiculous hours everywhere. I used to manage a restaurant, and I was doing a lot of modeling and a little bit of acting, and this that, and whatever, and it was always on the odd day off that I'd have. I'd either be

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Hazel Butterfield: modeling in London, or doing extra work or acting work in various places, and it got to a stage where

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Hazel Butterfield: I was constantly in London, and a friend of mine who I went to Drama College with. And this is why, I've got to keep it censored. We were out. We were out in Manchester having a ball, and we kind of might have had a few drinkies, and we're like, let's move to London. We're already here. So basically.

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Hazel Butterfield: I must have made. So I bought a house. But when I was very, very young, so basically, I must have made a call a little bit tipsy that night and said, Can you put my house up for rent?

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Hazel Butterfield: Next morning I wake up with a little bit

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Hazel Butterfield: hangover and my local letting agency in Huddersfield, saying, Hi! You put you listed your property with us last night, and although we haven't done the pictures yet. We've already got to take us. Somebody knows what the property is, and they want to take it. They'd like to move in in 2 weeks.

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Hazel Butterfield: and I phoned my mate. And I say, do you remember doing this last night? He's like, yes, anyway. Are you up for a road trip in 2 weeks, because I'm moving to London. He's like, Yeah, of course I am so literally. He actually lives in Manchester. He got the train to Huddersfield 2 weeks later. We then did the trip to honestly. We got to London. I just dropped him at Richmond Station, and he just went back to Manchester.

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Hazel Butterfield: That's a friend.

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Hazel Butterfield: He was so much fun. Yeah, we've caused a lot of trouble together, but so much fun as well. So yeah, that's how it happened. And then, 4 years later, I decided there's not a chance I'm ever coming back, and so I might as well buy a place down south. So I sold my place up north and

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Hazel Butterfield: boom.

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Josephine McGrail: Amazing. I love it so much, and this is another similarity. So I was modeling for 14 years, and I trained at the Royal Danish ballet as a ballerina to begin with, and then I went into acting when I came over to London, and I came to London at 16. So we actually have quite a few little crossovers here that I didn't know about, which is so sweet and weird and wonderful. And I also love the spontaneousness the whole like.

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Josephine McGrail: I'm just gonna make a random phone call to this estate agent and let's just get the wheels moving. And then it's like, Oh, my God! They moved, in fact, they rolled, and now I just got to roll with it. I love it. What an amazing amazing start.

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Hazel Butterfield: I mean, it was a great house. To be honest, it was just really, really bonkers. But, to be honest, I am quite known for making rash decisions, I mean, even even when I was in London. But even before I moved to London, if I wanted to just go on holiday like I would.

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Hazel Butterfield: I would have like 4 h notice sometimes, and I'd wake up the next day, and I would be in New York with not the correct clothing have to go shopping in H. And M. Or something like that. I've always made kind of random decisions, but that's because it's

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Hazel Butterfield: it seems really reckless, but because I've always worked. I always wanted to make sure. Even as a very young child, I've always had savings, and I always wanted to work so that I could have the freedom to make random choices, that, although they look spontaneous and not thought out.

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Hazel Butterfield: I always had the money to do it. I never came back from a holiday with that. If I went on holiday, it's because I paid for it upfront. It's and also, you know it. There was always planning underneath. So I'm kind of

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Hazel Butterfield: I'm a little bit Ocd in that respect. But yeah.

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Josephine McGrail: Oh, my God.

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Josephine McGrail: this is! And this is so wild, because this is exactly what I've done my whole life. So I started saving, and this was again my grandmother. My grandmother, gave me like a saving like she was a penguin, a penguin. A penguin was the symbol of our local bank, and the penguin was like a saving box. So like I had this little penguin since I was like I don't know. However, I could remember.

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Josephine McGrail: and then I would save my little teeny, tiny coins right, and I did the same with my dad. I was like, hang on a second. You have. You have spare coins, they should go into my penguin. So, since I was very little, just like you, I became super aware that saving money meant freedom, and so, and I've done exactly the same thing. I love a spontaneous idea. I love like I've been self-employed my entire life.

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Josephine McGrail: And again, with the whole like acting, modeling, dancing industry, like very often, like the thing is so crazy last minute, and then you either love that or you hate it. I've always saved money along the way. But just like you, what from the outside could be like, Josie, are you not? You know you're not going to be in Paris tomorrow, and I'm like, No, I'm now off to Iceland. Yes, it can look really reckless, and and

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Josephine McGrail: it is spontaneous. But at the same time I had planned and saved since I was a child. So so all of the logistics are there in place, and that that also means that then you can fuel the lifestyle and the personality that you actually are.

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Hazel Butterfield: I think. Yeah, it. It's having that comfort to know that you can do it. You can.

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Josephine McGrail: That claim.

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Hazel Butterfield: 2 things can be true at the same time. Right?

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Hazel Butterfield: Yes, and you can be organized.

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Josephine McGrail: Oh, oh, my God! A 100% quantum physics right there I love it. That is so true, absolutely. 2 things can and are indeed true. At the same time, this is so good. Hazel. Well done! What a nice little mantra! Yeah, but not like no, not to say like not undermining like I loved it, since so much 2 things can absolutely be true at the same time. And it's similar also to I don't know how you know in your life now. But quite often people come, and they come to have a coaching session with me, or whatever, and they're like.

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Josephine McGrail: oh, you're just so free, flowing, and you know you're just it just sort of pops out of you. And I'm like I have studied like the human mind and myself since I was a kid like so yes, like it can make, I can come across as if it's just coming out. But actually, I'm a complete perfectionist. I'm highly Ocd. In many ways, and

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Josephine McGrail: I've just

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Josephine McGrail: been obsessed with what I like with learning about us as a species, my whole life. So yeah.

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Hazel Butterfield: There are so many parallels between us. I mean, it was quite interesting. And for everybody that's listening or watching right now, when I did meet Josie. It was on my riverside radio show, and even in between, like when there was adverts or we were playing songs. Sometimes we were like semi, forgetting to come back on air because it's like. But so what I did when I was about 21, because I never went to university.

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Josephine McGrail: Knew that.

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Hazel Butterfield: At the traditional time. So then, I started doing a psychology degree. And so I do have a social science and psychology degree. I did that, and I did it kind of randomly. But I used to have a book show

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Hazel Butterfield: for about 6 years an international book show, and it got to a stage where most of my guests would feel like, and I do this at my other show as well. They would feel like they'd had a little bit of a counseling session, and I got really panicky, and I was going. Oh, no, I didn't want it to be like that. No, no, we love it. It's incredible to be able to talk so openly about something, and you're getting us to feel so comfortable about speaking about this, that and what.

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Hazel Butterfield: and a lot of the books were sometimes about trauma, sometimes it was fiction, sometimes nonfiction, but the fiction was quite often based around something that happened to them, and it got to a stage where I thought

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Hazel Butterfield: to do this safely. I wanted to make sure that although I was having fantastic discussions with these authors and these guests. I wanted to make sure that I didn't do any further harm. So then I got trained as a counselor. So I did my level 2 and level 3 and working through my level 4. Because I wanted to make sure that yes, I might be having a great time on these shows, and my guests might be loving it. But

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Hazel Butterfield: how do I know that some of the things that I was unpicking was unraveling something dangerously so. Then I got trained as a counselor to make sure I didn't want to be a counselor, although maybe somewhere a little bit

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Hazel Butterfield: down the line. I just knew that my interview style

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Hazel Butterfield: really demanded me to make sure that I was a bit more responsible, and make sure that I was asking the right things and keeping everybody safe.

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Josephine McGrail: Oh, my God, I love that! And it also just shows your level of integrity. And you're actually again going back to that whole saving money thing, and you know, only using what you actually have saved for. And all of that like you've got in its integrity. This groundedness as well as the wildness and the spontaneity, and the fun and all of that. But it's really rooted. You are like, literally like my plants, as above, so below, like, you're nice and rooted as much as there's space for movement and does

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Josephine McGrail: like.

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Josephine McGrail: yeah, I love it, Hazel. What an amazing wow! This is another thing I didn't know. Wow, okay. So now let's go back to you again. So there you are. You've just moved to London at the right age of, was it 1819? Something.

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Hazel Butterfield: Think it was 19 or 20 was okay.

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Hazel Butterfield: I might just, I'm just be about to turn 20.

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Josephine McGrail: Okay? So in that space. So then then, what what do you decide? So you're modeling, you're doing some acting. What happens next? What is another sort of like pivotal moment in Hazel's life where you're like. Hmm! I want to change direction or like, Oh, I want to. I'm going to do this book club like, because it almost seems as if

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Josephine McGrail: kind of similar, like, we're picking stars from the sky like, I'm going to do this thing. And then I'm going to turn it into a thing like talk us through it. Have you just always kind of similar to me? Have you always been self-employed always just like got excited about something, and just poured your energy into it. And somehow it manifested.

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Hazel Butterfield: I haven't always been self-employed. I've had some relatively normal jobs as well, and I've and especially with buying property

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Hazel Butterfield: down South. You have to have a pay or a ridiculous income, because otherwise you're not getting a mortgage. And so I thought we were sensible in that respect. So so I had kids quite young, so I met my now ex-husband at 23, and we very again quite spontaneous. After about 6 months, which we were still in the honeymoon period we're like.

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Hazel Butterfield: do you know what I mean? He had this fantastic career. I was loving what I was doing, but also I'd always wanted to have kids young. I wanted to

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Hazel Butterfield: be able to roll around in the dirt and kind of do things and have the energy to do it, and also deep down. I was always. I always kind of thought that

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Hazel Butterfield: because I wanted kids so much that I wouldn't be able to. And

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Hazel Butterfield: I then we then just decided. Well, like, let's just do it. So I had my 1st child at 24, which.

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Hazel Butterfield: to be honest, I am now 43. My eldest is 18. We have. We've we've traveled the world. We've had an absolute riot, and I'm still exhausted. Imagine if I'd have done this 10 years later, I've been a wreck. So

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Hazel Butterfield: it's interesting because, having kids so young, it does cut you off from many of the different things. You've got your different social groups. And it's it can be learning in some ways, but it's fantastic in other ways. And it was the right decision for me.

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Hazel Butterfield: Obviously, the relationship didn't work out, which I don't think it would have worked out, no matter when we'd got together or had children.

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Hazel Butterfield: But I kind of I love the fact that my kids are now 18 and 15, we all

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Hazel Butterfield: kind of have a riot together.

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Hazel Butterfield: And

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Hazel Butterfield: so then, when that happened, obviously, you have to take a little bit of a step back. I still did modeling. I still did acting, but I also had I started off, having a full time job in finance of all things. And then I eventually, after the second child, I went part time. So I've always worked like.

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Josephine McGrail: I'm gonna have to stop you. So finance. Oh, look at you and your right and your left brains and all of it merging together. I love it. Yes.

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Hazel Butterfield: Finance now, as well.

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Josephine McGrail: No way.

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Hazel Butterfield: Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

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Josephine McGrail: Okay. So I just did my 12 day Bootcam on investment. So you know another parallel. And by the way, I did end up buying a flat in London. And yes, I am self-employed, and so what I did was I got a buy to let, so there's always a way out, dear listeners, do not believe that you have to.

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Hazel Butterfield: Just depends on what your circumstance.

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Josephine McGrail: 100%. Yeah, no, no, absolutely. And you are so right, I get, I totally get it. And if I had gone in and actually done a job with a consistent paycheck. That would have been a lot easier, and it wouldn't have taken me 20 years to finally go through my own trauma with like talking to a million different property experts, and no one ever mentioned a buy to let, which was wild because I had huge savings, as we know. I'm great at savings.

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Josephine McGrail: but I didn't know how the rules work. I didn't understand it. I just thought a residential mortgage was the only thing out there that was possible. And and then finally, after yeah, I know completely. But anyway, back to you. So

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Josephine McGrail: finances. So tell us so. This was after your second child you went into finance.

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Hazel Butterfield: I started working in this job. About 6 months before I had my 1st child, and I was full time, and then moved down to part time. I was there for about 10 years, and because I was part time, for, like the last 7 years, I was still doing, modeling and acting and whatnot, and I was kind of wanting to go into the radio world. And then, when my partner and I split up.

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Hazel Butterfield: it was literally within months, because one of the reasons why it didn't work is that he wasn't always

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Hazel Butterfield: that keen on me doing that kind of stuff, and he was a bit

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Hazel Butterfield: less said the better, anyway, so pretty much.

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Hazel Butterfield: As soon as the divorce came through, I got my 1st radio position.

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Josephine McGrail: Oh!

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Hazel Butterfield: So I've now been divorced 10 years, and I've been in radio 10 years.

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Josephine McGrail: Oh, my God! Well, happy anniversary! On all fronts.

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Hazel Butterfield: So then I've always done so. Then I did the radio, my 1st radio show, which was fantastic to get in there, which was also the most ridiculous. I I completely lied to get the job. You really struggle to get into radio. Unless, you know you, you're a little bit flexible with the truth. So then I did that, and then I got my position at Riverside radio, which I've been at for just under 10 years, and then I got approached to have my own international book show. So I did that for 4 or 5 years which

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Hazel Butterfield: I loved, and I round it I wound it up about a year ago. And just because there was.

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Hazel Butterfield: it took a lot of my time. And I I realized I could do it on riverside radio as well. And then

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Hazel Butterfield: life just got really expensive. And I kind of like the corporate world as well. So I have this great mix of working in finance doing the radio stuff. And

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Hazel Butterfield: I mean, I don't tend to do any modeling or acting anymore, which it's a shame. But also it possibly wasn't my forte as much as I loved it. And so yeah, no, I'm an exec at a finance company where I basically work in.

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Hazel Butterfield: I help with the sporting events their charitable events. I support the CEO and do everything that's expected of an exec system. And yes, brilliant.

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Josephine McGrail: Oh, my God, Hazel, I just love this! So I do a lot of talk. So I but but predominantly I do it, for, like the finance of City of London. So it's it's like, that's another parallel listeners out there. Sorry it's not about you today. It's all about me. And Hazel, realizing.

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Hazel Butterfield: Have been connected.

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Josephine McGrail: We are, how wonderful! But also and I'm really just loving. I'm just so happy. I asked you to come on, and that you wanted to do it, because it's that thing of like understanding that we are multifaceted, and we will need to nourish mind, body, and heart. We will need

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Josephine McGrail: multiple different avenues, and like you said, the same can be true at once. Right? You know. So you're not just white, and you're not just black. And you're not just this, and you're not just that, you know. And we are also ever changing, ever evolving. So that thing of like, you know, for instance, review a relationship. And you said, Okay, we ended up, you know, deciding not to stay together. But that's not a failure. And it's also not evidence that it wasn't right or anything else. It's just that you evolved. He evolved things changed.

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Hazel Butterfield: Yes.

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Josephine McGrail: Likely.

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Hazel Butterfield: And I think it's important that we accept when things aren't right and move on. And there are. I'm sure there are people who are listening right now who think, oh, you know. But what about the damage to the children? Sometimes children need to know that you can make mistakes, and things can go wrong, and you can move on, and you can move forward.

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Hazel Butterfield: If if children think you can't make mistakes or start again, what are we teaching them?

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Josephine McGrail: Oh, my God, a hundred percent, a million, 1,000 times percent, 100%. And also that thing of like.

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Josephine McGrail: I mean, it's just so toxic to model anything but authenticity as a parent, and I mean I'm not a parent, and I totally get that. There are things where you're like. You know this is too intense, and we think that we can. We can save our children by not showing them the full picture. But the thing is, they already know what's going on. They can feel your energy, they pick up like communication is so much more than what we say and do and act right. It's that

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Josephine McGrail: it's the intention behind it. So they know when something is up, and if you are acting in a way that's not in alignment with what they're picking up and what they're feeling, or what they know is true in their heart. Then you're actually.

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Josephine McGrail: then you're making them really nervous and anxious because your actions and your words are not in alignment with what's actually going on inside of you.

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Hazel Butterfield: I think what is really important, and something that I really try and model for my children. I've made so many mistakes in my life.

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Hazel Butterfield: But also I think it's really important that you kind of talk about these mistakes. Being a parent is hard, whether you're with a partner or not.

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Hazel Butterfield: Granted, you know, being a single parent, there can be, there can be additional challenges. Which means that sometimes you can be fallible. You can make mistakes, you can be exhausted. You can get frustrated with, you know, either doing everything or having to combat the other side where you're not necessarily aligned. And so I have lost. I've lost the plot a few times. Yeah.

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Hazel Butterfield: I will turn around to the kids and just go, yeah. Sorry about that I think I was just. I was over the top. I kind of lost it a little bit. I'm just exhausted, and I think maybe when I'm exhausted. We need to know that we've all got to give each other space. And likewise, when my kids have done something wrong and kids do lose their rags. They can say the most horrendous things to their parents, because, you know, they feel comfortable to do that.

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Hazel Butterfield: And I've always just said, Yeah, mom, does that you apologize. You say you talk about it. Move on. Don't apologize. If you don't apologize. I'm not interested.

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Hazel Butterfield: and it just the the amount of times my kids have been tired or frustrated, or something's been going on at school, and they said something horrible, and they've come in and gone.

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Hazel Butterfield: Oh, yeah, I think I was a bit rational, and I would like to apologize for what I said to you. Yeah, no problem. Should we go and get pizza?

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Hazel Butterfield: Yeah, all right.

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Hazel Butterfield: Oh, Joy.

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Hazel Butterfield: it's the same with anybody in life, you know. Friends can do horrific things to you. Family members can apologize, acknowledge what you have done, move on.

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Josephine McGrail: A 100% own what took place. And you know, teaching that and modeling that. And you know, and modeling that to your children going like, Hey, I am like, no one is perfect, because that's also another thing. Right? So then, you are giving permission.

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Josephine McGrail: Exactly, and you're giving permission. You're saying like this is life right? Like you're you're gonna have a moment. This person's gonna have a moment. But the most important thing is that a we don't take it too serious. Right? It's like, Okay, well, that happened.

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Josephine McGrail: We take ownership and we go like, Hey, I'm so sorry I did this thing, and then to be able to forgive. How beautiful I love that hazel. Amazing. So wonderful. Okay, I could like, let's go back again. So I'm like, Okay, I know, child number 2, you're in the world of finance. And then oh, the divorce! At the same time as the radio show, I want to. Oh, I want to ask you something

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Josephine McGrail: because there was something he said. He said. I always wanted to have kids, and because I wanted them so much I was scared, I might not be able to.

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Hazel Butterfield: Hmm.

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Josephine McGrail: So what does that touch in you? Because that's a big statement.

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Josephine McGrail: Let's see.

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Hazel Butterfield: Yeah, I think that's to do with confidence, I guess. And just

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Hazel Butterfield: I don't really know. I've never really unpacked that. But I just always worry that I always try and kind of negatively or positively attribute most scenarios, so that I can manage my own mental well-being. I've always kind of struggled a little bit with, I mean, don't we all? But yeah.

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Josephine McGrail: But I have 10 arms in the sky right now. Of course there's so many of me in here.

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Hazel Butterfield: So I've always kind of. I've always felt like I've got to manage my own expectations and manage my own mental health and mental well-being. So if there's something I super super want like, whether it's a job or a house, or I don't know, even for a relationship to work, I always have to attribute the alternative side positively, so that if it all goes

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Hazel Butterfield: wrong I don't crumble, so I always have to try and work, and I've always done it. I mean, I'm sure a psychologist would read so much into that and go

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Hazel Butterfield: tell me a bit more about this. It's so. Yeah, I've always felt like I need to manage.

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Hazel Butterfield: I think it's careful. This is why I read a lot, because I have to make sure I want to understand as much as I can, so that I can help manage my own expectations and my own issues that I know I've had since I was a kid.

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Josephine McGrail: A 100%. And also, I think you're touching on something really valuable, Hazel, which is that we all do. And we all have. And you know, in the end of the day, like

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Josephine McGrail: life, like, I don't think there's like, you know, there's any kind of truth or any kind of real reality like this is black, or this is positive, or this is negative, like, is it? Both are true at the same time and understanding that

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Josephine McGrail: just because something is in your head. So let's say you really wanted the kids right. And then, as you're sitting there going like, I really want the kids. And you're noticing the feeling in your heart, and you're like yay. And then another little fort walks in, and this little fort takes her into stage, and she's like this is not for you. You cannot do this, and I don't know why she's French, and she's kind of like standing there with a long cigarette, and she's like.

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Hazel Butterfield: No, because it's very perfect.

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Josephine McGrail: It's like with that with that body of yours. No, right? I don't know but you see, like.

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Josephine McGrail: But when we start to have that ability where we are noticing that. There's a part of me that's like a French actress that is like telling me all the reasons why I can't do XYZ, or half, or B, or whatever.

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Josephine McGrail: when we notice that. Oh, she's in there. But she's not all of me right like that's that's that's a little thought. But just because it's a thought doesn't mean it's the truth.

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Hazel Butterfield: Well, the more we understand ourselves, more we can manage all these different elements of ourselves.

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Josephine McGrail: That's exactly it, right? And it's like, so so the way that so for you to have decided, actually, I always need to kind of think it through to the very end, and kind of find an ending like a worst case scenario, perhaps, that I feel comfortable with where? Because I do the same where I'm like. Oh, but if that happened

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Josephine McGrail: then finding a worst case scenario, but then make it befriending it, and kind of going. Well, then I would do XYZ. And I'm like, I'm actually okay with that like, that would be okay. Then I can risk it all and going out and do it anyway, and see what the outcome is.

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Hazel Butterfield: I think the more we want something, the more hormonally

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Hazel Butterfield: we can kind of jeopardize ourselves. I mean, I really struggled to get pregnant with my second child. I've had a bit of a medical issue, and the doctor said, there's a chance you probably won't. So basically, I booked a flight to Namibia, where I go and build a school for like 2 or 3 weeks.

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Hazel Butterfield: and.

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Josephine McGrail: As as you do.

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Hazel Butterfield: Yeah, because then I knew that if I didn't get pregnant I was going to go do something incredible. My body relaxed because it kind of thought, hey? Well, you know, if this happens cool, if this happens cool and I got pregnant within about a month from then, and this is after trying for like a year and a half.

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Josephine McGrail: And I really, really, really love that. And there is also, you know, I think, as a woman as well, because it's in your body.

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Josephine McGrail: It's in your body. And so it's so hard to not take it personal. It's so hard to not be like. Am I somehow not able to do this thing that is apparently the most ancient, the most, you know, like natural thing in the world. So I think, you know, this is a really, really potent thing that you're sharing. So thank you so much. And I love this thing that you said like, Okay, so how you know, these were the facts. I noticed I was

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Josephine McGrail: to stress about it. How could I? How could I support myself in the best way and go? Okay, actually, I can't just push the stress away and go like, no, I'm not having that fault. That weird, mean French actress is not on my stage. No, she is on my stage. Okay.

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Hazel Butterfield: Just. I'm just starting to worry that, like the French are gonna go.

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Hazel Butterfield: Why, why, why are we the why are we the bad person on the shoulder?

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Josephine McGrail: I know I don't know. But you know it happens. Yeah. So I love that. I love that you did that. That's really really good. And it is that thing because it's like, okay, how can we?

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Josephine McGrail: How can we make friends with what we're experiencing in this moment? Right? And the fact that you booked a trip. And you're like, if this happens, it's going to be great. I'm going to be doing an amazing thing. Yes, I might be sad. But I'll still be doing an amazing thing out there. If this thing happens, I'll you know it will be beautiful either way. You have actually parented yourself and gone like I'm looking after you.

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Josephine McGrail: I'm not denying that part of me is stressed or wanting something, or is worried about something. Instead, I've actually sat myself down parented little inner child and gone. Hey, there's some good options here, either way, and let's just make. Let's just go ahead and make today a fucking, awesome day like I love that that's really beautiful.

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Hazel Butterfield: Well, do you know what? What

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Hazel Butterfield: in the international bookshow that I had at the end of every show, I would say to my guests tell me 3 things that you would that you live by that would help our listeners, and virtually all of them would have similar parallels where it would be based on purpose.

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Hazel Butterfield: If you've got purpose, you can sort a lot of your mental health issues. And sometimes when you're feeling really low, maybe because you've lost your way a little bit, and you need to find that purpose. So I've kind of I've always

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Hazel Butterfield: really tried to kind of take on board, what what my guests would say, and I remember thinking about a year and a half ago that I wasn't feeling great, and I couldn't figure it out. And I was. I was feeling quite down within myself. And I was like.

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Hazel Butterfield: I'm lacking in purpose. I'm just getting stuff done. I'm sorting the kids out. I'm going to work every day, and it's just

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Hazel Butterfield: I'm not doing something that's

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Hazel Butterfield: that feels kind of authentic to me. And so by the end of that day I'd signed up to do a wing walk for a charity that I'd researched and researched and eventually found this charity that was so perfect for me. It's a charity called support dogs, where basically, I mean, I love animals. I am off the charts, and I found a charity

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Hazel Butterfield: that trained dogs to support humans and children. Oh, adults and children! To either.

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Hazel Butterfield: for those who, like children under 18, who were autistic to to kind of help them kind of have some sort of friend and.

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Hazel Butterfield: Help them communicate a little bit better. But also people with disabilities. The dogs were trained to kind of help them just live a normal life, and and also for there was seizure.

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Hazel Butterfield: alert dogs. So people who would have these really scary seizures dogs would give them a 45 min warning. So if they're at, you know Tesco's or whatever the dog would go, and they go. Yeah, cool. All right, I'll go, or if they're at home, and they have a seizure, and they're on their own. The dog is trained to like, bring towels to kind of put underneath them and put them in a safe position and lay on them. And it's absolutely fantastic. So I found this charity and decided to raise a few 1,000 by

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Hazel Butterfield: wing walking. And do you know what

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Hazel Butterfield: that you can do this in any way? That kind of suits your own personality?

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Hazel Butterfield: But just having that reminder that I needed purpose

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Hazel Butterfield: sorted me right out. It gave me something to look forward to. It made me feel like I was doing good for something, and it also encouraged me to find out more about the world as well, because I didn't even know this charity existed until I kind of looked for the right charity to support. But yeah, purpose purpose, Josie.

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Josephine McGrail: Oh, my God, it's all about the big P. This is so true, absolutely amazing! And I'm loving this charity, and I'm loving how you. You know your self reflection and your self-awareness, and you're like, hang on! What is it in me? What is in me like, what is speaking within me, because it's so easy to be like, hey? What's wrong with the outside world? But

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Josephine McGrail: she took no.

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Josephine McGrail: and not to dig in and go like, oh, what's wrong with me but to kind of go like like, what is it I'm really yearning for? What is it I'm longing for? What is it that you know.

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Josephine McGrail: How can I? How am I feeling right now? And how can I best support myself? And then going out and creating that again? Self parenting. I love that I mean so. I'm not a mom who knows if I will be but that thing I always. I always talk to my little child, and always see myself like picking up with my hand. And I'm like, Come on, we're going to do this thing like this is an amazing ability. So this is so beautiful. You're so right. The whole purpose thing. I love that.

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Josephine McGrail: And another weird, wonderful thing. I don't know if you know. But I've written 3 books, and I am constantly

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Josephine McGrail: interviewing other authors. So this whole thing that you were like you love books as well. I was like, Okay, Hazel, this is getting out of control. These similarities here are just wild. I love it. This is so cool. And my new book, by the way, is about finance. So that's wild as well. So there we go.

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Hazel Butterfield: Well, you'll come back into the studio.

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Josephine McGrail: Please, please, we must do this, but I'm going to because of time. I'm going to pivot you over to your own personal, because you know how you said on your show you had the, you know, asking people to share 3 things, and, as you know, dear listeners, we have arrived at the perfect perfect time where I'm going to ask Hazel. I'm going to look into your beautiful eyes, and I'm going to ask, with all the wisdom that you sit in now with all the experiences you've had in life, with all the times. You said yes, and you said no, and you doubt it, and all the rest of it.

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Josephine McGrail: If there were just one or 2 soul messages for humanity that you would share, and you've already shared so much beauty and that whole purpose thing is amazing, and that can also be one of them. But if you just had one or 2 soul messages for humanity, for our listeners. What would it be, hazel.

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Hazel Butterfield: Okay, I think my sole message,

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Hazel Butterfield: if you want change and authenticity in your life, you've got to expect a little bit of chaos.

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Hazel Butterfield: Now, I think sometimes people want to. They're scared of chaos.

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Hazel Butterfield: but just go straight for it. I think you just got to accept that there might be a bit of chaos.

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Hazel Butterfield: but nothing amazing with it, without a little bit of effort. So you know that that would be one thing. I actually do have a tattoo that says, you know, if you want change, it's actually in

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Hazel Butterfield: It's Nordic, because Huddersfield actually had a lot of Viking settlers. So it's kind of down my side that says, if you want change, invite chaos. So I love that because sometimes people think you're reckless when you're being chaotic, and that's just to try and keep you in a box. And it that's not going to work for me.

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Josephine McGrail: Is it done in runes? You said. It's in nowhere. I love that you've got a rune tattoo. And the words are so powerful beautiful.

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Hazel Butterfield: Absolutely love it.

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Hazel Butterfield: And I think the other thing is that like what life has taught me is

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Hazel Butterfield: that the right people for you

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Hazel Butterfield: will love and support you, and they'll be constructive if possibly you're going off kilter a little bit. Anything else those people are not, for you do not respect the opinion of people that want to make you feel bad about yourself. So if someone is doing something to you

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Hazel Butterfield: and saying something and making you feel bad, you need to look at their motivations, and I think if you have the ability to kind of look beyond it. And you think that person actually wanted me to feel bad. They're not, for they're not for you.

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Hazel Butterfield: It, it'll hurt, and sometimes it's like a grieving process.

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Hazel Butterfield: Once you realize that that's the situation. But the right people will love and support you and find a really nice, loving way to help you be the best person you can be.

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Josephine McGrail: Oh, my God, so powerful! I love both of those statements, and actually also 2 things we haven't had on the show before. So this is absolutely amazing. I think also, just to like juice it out a little bit more. The 1st one is so true we want the change. Oh, I say this all the time, you know. So it's like, it's this thing where we like.

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Josephine McGrail: We can't walk around. And, you know, like, walk around and tell everyone how we want a red dress. But then, secretly, at night, we're like, I really wish I had a yellow dress right like the point is, you cannot walk around, live a specific life, and then long for something else, hope for something else like. Think that if I just pray enough, or if I do my meditation, and I write my journals about that yellow dress, and the yellow dress is going to magically appear like no.

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Josephine McGrail: you have to take a stand. You have to start talking about that yellow dress, and even though it's going to be highly uncomfortable, all of a sudden going out into shops and trying on different yellow dresses.

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Josephine McGrail: The more you try it, the more comfortable you will feel with it.

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Josephine McGrail: That's my point, right? So it's that thing of like.

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Josephine McGrail: don't you know? Take the action and know that, like you said over time.

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Josephine McGrail: you know, the yellow will be the new red, or vice versa, right like, you know it will, but there will be chaos. There will be resistance, there will be drama. There will be a storm. There will be a thunder, maybe just for a few days, maybe for a few months, whatever it is, but it's worth it in the end. But I think it's such a beautiful thing to go like. Yes, there might be chaos, and that is part of the package, and that is not evidence of it not working out. It's not evidence that it's not for you.

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Josephine McGrail: It's just a thing that most people don't talk about, because it's kind of taboo we kind of go like, oh, I wanted something else, and then I did. Xyz. And now I'm here, look at me right.

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Hazel Butterfield: Quite often. That storm is from people who are wanting to dumb you down and to squash you into a box because it makes them look at their own lives. And so it's it's very much projection based. If you start going out there and making changes and positive changes. And people go. Oh, if they do it.

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Hazel Butterfield: that's putting me in a situation where I feel like

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Hazel Butterfield: I might have to do it. So I need to. I need to knock that decision so that I don't have to think about it anymore.

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Josephine McGrail: A 100%. You're so right because it's that thing of like, especially with old friends, old family members, especially with people we've known for a long time, right? Because the longer we know someone for it, the more our pattern is kind of integrated. It's kind of like roots of a plant again, right? Like the longer the plant exists, the deeper the roots go. And then if one of my plants go, hey, I'm gonna like, take my root in a different direction. That's gonna impact and affect everyone else. All the other

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Josephine McGrail: roots. I, all the family members, all the old friends, all of that. And even though, like you said, even though you are there as your own root going, I'm loving this new me right. But all the other routes they start to feel insecure because it's like, Oh, my God, you you like. Now I'm sort of because of you, and you're making all these changes like you said, now I have to look at my own life, my own life choices, and

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Josephine McGrail: and maybe there's things I don't want to see. And also it makes me really scared that you are on rooting, because now I'm not really sure who I am anymore. And that's very scary. So you are so right? Yeah.

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Hazel Butterfield: Bad people do not very nice things sometimes, so.

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Josephine McGrail: That's so true, Hazel. It's been an absolute joy. Where can people listen to you more? And also I'm sitting here going. Have you? Are you writing a book? Is this something that's happening.

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Hazel Butterfield: No. I did write one. And this is a completely different podcast. Entirely. I'm thinking

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Hazel Butterfield: I might release it or re-release it again at a later date. But it's not the right time for me. But yeah, no, you can listen to me at Riverside Radio every Friday 10 till 12. You can find me at hazelbutterfield.com, and all my various socials. They're all down as nutty butty. It was something I set up when I was like 16 years old, Hazel Butterfield. Nutty, I know. So you just type in nutty butty, and you'll find me on all the socials. But yeah, come and have a listen and

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Hazel Butterfield: make sure you come and listen into Riverside radio. When Josie comes back in to talk about her finance book.

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Josephine McGrail: Oh, my God, yes, it's happening.

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Hazel Butterfield: Hurry!

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Josephine McGrail: And I think we I feel like we might need a stage show like this, like whole ball gown, our gorgeous singing voices like I feel like as much as audio is great. I feel like we need like an in-person thing. Hazel. I feel like this is coming on me, and my weird and wonderful French woman over here is like, Why are you doing this thing?

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Hazel Butterfield: Well, I think the French woman would like us to have espresso Martinis in a bar somewhere, and we will record the next one like that. Yeah.

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Josephine McGrail: The spell in my league.

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Hazel Butterfield: Oh, you French people, I'm really sorry. That was a terrible accent. I really apologize.

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Josephine McGrail: We might need to do a formal apology.

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Josephine McGrail: God, Hazel, it's been an absolute pressure. I'm going to say goodbye to the listeners now. And Hazel, I'll see you in a second. Okay, so I'm just gonna pause. Thank you so much. Listeners have a wonderful day.