I'll be honest - this has been a somewhat uncomfortable episode to share and was recorded impromptu on the day I was supposed to publish another one.
It felt important that I speak openly about recently experiencing thoughts of depression because I am also trying to hold a space for others going through this themselves.
There has been some interesting timing of events happening in my life recently where I declared that I would follow a life led by intuition and my declaration was heard and granted - the requirement, of course, being that I am willing to actually live a life led my intuition, which means fully trusting and surrendering to this guidance.
I said - "sign me up!"
And my first mission was assigned, and my legs wavered almost immediately.
Life is the most talented scriptwriter I have seen to date - the serendipity of this declaration and all of these massive shifts happening in the way that they have has led me to further surrender.
The depression was never about self sabotage.
It's about trying to steer me.
But this shift requires the acceptance of an uncomfortable ask: When you're at the crossroads of a big unknown - full of question marks and irrationalities - will you trust yourself to guide yourself through the grey?
I thought I did, but I guess I'm still human, the unknown is scary no matter who you are, I pushed back, more times that I should have,.
And depression came nipping each time.
This is how it's playing out in real time, even thought it's still a bit raw it's happening so fast I felt I wouldn't know how to explain it later on.
I hope my journey it serves you in your own.
Note - If you do experience depression or heavy thoughts and things are too much for you to cope on your own - owning your story means first reaching out to someone and letting your tribe (even if it's a perfect stranger) support you. Remember any big life or death decision should never be made from red light states - wait till you get back into green light until you think about such things again - from there you will see you won't be inclined to think of them and that your own wellbeing is always the precedent.
Find me on Insta @cathowell or check out theflowprotocols.com for protocols