Three moments in my life when I encountered fear that almost derailed a good thing and how I was able to move through it
Three moments in my life when I encountered fear that almost derailed a good thing and how I was able to move through it
What is up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of the Flow Protocols. I hope you have been enjoying the episode so far. There hasn't been much rhyme or reason in how I'm editing them or recording them necessarily, so hopefully you're vibing with what's inside of my mind, these ideas, these thoughts that just need to be born out of me. I feel like I need to share all of these experiences and observations that I've made, if for nothing else, to create a record of them somewhere for my own reference down the line. But hopefully, it's also helping you tremendously in your life because I know a lot of what I'm talking about are the things, the principles, the actions, the ideas that have created massive catalyst in my own life.
So on today's episode, what I want to talk about is fear. I know I recorded an episode around financial anxiety, but I want to get a little bit more personal with fear because this is an emotion that drives much of our behaviors, much of our decisions. And unfortunately, if you take a look around the world nowadays, what you will find is that most of the world is operating from a space of fear. Most of the world is being driven by fear.
So I want to sort of first explain how I define fear and my take on this beautiful, delicious, somewhat harrowing emotion that we've all encountered at some stage or another. And guess what? We will continue to encounter no matter how enlightened you become. Because the truth of the matter, just like I've always said about every emotion, every emotion is beneficial, every emotion plays a purpose and a part, every emotion of tension is really there to springboard you into an expansion. And so if you are growing, if you are expanding, if you are challenging yourself, if you are exploring new things, if you are creatively expressing yourself, guess what? You're going to encounter fear. It's going to happen at every level of the boundary that you come up to. It doesn't matter how much money you earn or where you're at in life. This will happen to all of us.
So fear, I mean, I don't really think I need to fully describe the sensation of fear because we've all felt it innately. We all know it very intimately. It is a tightening of the chest, right? It's a constriction. It's a heaviness. It's a burden. It's a thumb being placed over your soul in a way. And when fear locks into the nervous system, it hijacks your thoughts. Your thoughts are basically a prisoner right away to this state. It completely overrides any sense of logic or rationality. And you get locked into a perspective that is very, very difficult to get yourself out of.
The reason that fear is so powerful on us is if we look back at the sort of evolutionary or anthropological background of humanity when we first came on the scene 100,000 years ago, the world was a very different place. We weren't really thinking about love and poetry and romance and these types of artistic expressions, if you will, at the level that we are now, because most of our time was spent searching for food and fending for ourselves, defending ourselves. We were really at the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy of needs in many ways. And so, the human brain has this reptilian side of it that is there to help us navigate the dangers that existed in the world at the time.
So what's really interesting about that is that even though the world has changed tremendously, so if we compare 2021, or 2022 I should say by the time of recording this, which is January 2022, to 100,000 thousand years ago, you would think you were on a totally different planet, right? If you were an alien and you just saw the two pictures next to each other, you wouldn't think it was the same place, right? In one of them, you zoom out, the planet is all green, grasslands, water. And the other one you zoom out, and the planet is full of dotted lights. It's just full of gray buildings and masses and farm fields everywhere. Totally different place.
But here's what's really interesting. If you compare the human brain side by side, not much has actually changed. So you will find the same sort part of the brain that is responsible for Picasso's, I think
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it was Taurus or whatever painting he's done, I can't think of one off the top of my head. But the very same part of the brain that enabled Picasso to express himself through his art existed in our ancestors that drew bulls on the walls of a cave, the very same part of the brain. And in fact, what they're saying nowadays is actually the IQ of a human is slightly going down. And that's probably because back in the day, evolution weeded out. Survival of the fittest, right? Which meant if you weren't smart, you got weeded out. Of course, that's not really happening nowadays, right? Everybody has such a beautiful convenient life.
But aside from that slight drop in IQ, the human brain remains exactly the same, but the world is totally different. So this is really important to acknowledge right off the bat. Because while this thing called fear certainly served us to a very great extent back in the day, it doesn't really help us in the world that we are now trying to navigate. Certainly not in the way that it did back then.
Back then, the fear mechanism served a very good purpose in that it helped us to flee fire or immediate danger, the saber tooth tiger. It really protected this physical device that we are operating. But now in the world that we live in, where consciousness, human consciousness has completely changed, completely changed the world in a way that couldn't even been predicted, fear has basically no arena, or it should never be considered because it was never created in the context of love, money, success, relationships, health. All of these things that we are so afraid of, that we live in fear, that we allow dominion over, really, it doesn't have any bearing over that. It doesn't have a use for that. Except if you see a tsunami or you see real physical danger, then yes, fear is purposeful in this circumstance, but in matters of consciousness, is what I'm trying to say, it doesn't really apply anymore.
Now I know a lot of you are going to argue with this, that fear plays a really beautiful, healthy part in telling us when to go and when to stop. But I'm going to explain to you why I don't think that any decisions should be ever made from a space of fear. So fear is obviously a tension, emotional state. It's a really intense one. It hijacks your perspective, your train of thought. And on this episode, I'm going to take you into three instances in my life where I encountered this type of fear, and I will share with you how I fell back into, I surrender to that fear and the outcome on the back. All of that will make a lot more sense into why I take the stance that no decisions should ever be made from a space of fear.
Quite simply put, the basis that I sort of operate off nowadays, what I've come to realize in my life now is that my emotions are really a communication tool with myself. They're a very advanced piece of technology that most of us, including myself, just were never taught beyond how to... In school, I look at my children, really the only thing they're teaching our kids is how to identify our emotions. So how to describe. "Oh, I'm feeling happy, I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling angry." And how to sort of take a buffer or a breather if you're feeling angry or sad.
But beyond that, most of us are not taught educational skills around emotion. Not by our parents, certainly not by the schooling system. And so many of us come to fear and feel burdened by our emotions especially if you are depressed or anxious or sad or lonely. Heavy. Heavy, heavy, right? If you're in grief, really heavy. You might fooled for thinking, "Hell. If I could just lobotomize myself from these emotions, I would be better off" like many of us have thought at some stage or another. I know I certainly thought that when I was depressed. I really thought, "I wish I could just get rid of my emotions altogether."
But they actually did studies on this where they had to lobotomize some cancer patients that had tumors in their brains and they remove the part of the brain, which sits right behind the eyes, that is responsible for emotions. And what they discovered in this experiment of sorts was that when you remove people's emotional part of the brain, if you will, when you remove emotions from a person, because even these doctors thought this would be beneficial to their patients, really what happened as a result of that was that these patients couldn't even make the simplest of decisions right from choosing
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their breakfast cereal to deciding what to wear for that day. So your emotions are very required. They're
very beneficial. And they serve a very useful purpose, and it's not about getting rid of them.
Now, what I've come to realize is that much like the hermetic principle that there is always an opposite end to everything, there's balance in between, emotions operate the same way. This is what I sort of came to a realization back in late 2021, was this concept that "Ah, emotions are really mirroring each other." And there's tension states, what I call red light emotions when you're not feeling good, right? And fear definitely fits into that bucket. And there's green light emotional states, where you're feeling good. You're feeling well in yourself. There's no tension. Now, you have an intuitive guided system. You have this compass within you that also understands exactly how to get you to where you want in life. Fully, fully, fully.
Now this system is a conversation for a whole different episode altogether, but it is never wrong. It will never lead you astray. And it uses your emotions to communicate to you. When you're in a red light emotional state, it's telling you your perspective is not the perspective that is required to get you to what you really want. And when you're in a green light, it means go, it means good. Keep thinking those thoughts. Whatever you're thinking, it's working for you. Great. And so fear is obviously a red light emotion state, it's attention state. And so it is communicating to you the perspective that you have locked yourself into that has hijacked your body, hijacked your mind is incorrect.
And the solution to this... This is going to scare a lot of you guys, because hold onto your hats, hold onto your seatbelts here. The solution isn't to go, "Oh, I'm afraid of this. And so therefore it means I should run away." In fact, what you're telling yourself in that moment is that "I'm incorrect in whatever perspective I'm thinking. In fearing this situation, I have basically created a fucking story in my mind where I am in danger in this situation. And so the solution isn't to push or fight or run away, it's actually to surrender to it. It's to fall into it.'
Now this seems really crazy and I know right away you're thinking like "What about a dark alley and all these fears?" So let me dissect this so you fully understand this. And I'm going to do it with three examples of moments in my life where I encountered crippling fear and I fell back into it and I surrendered into it and the outcome of that. So the first example I want to run you through is back in 2020 when I was going through a very dark time in my life, really depressed, suicidal thoughts, I had sort of a very weird coincidental experience which led me to becoming pen pals with a prison inmate.
At the time in my life, I selfishly wanted to connect with another human that had it slightly worse than me. I wanted to serve. I wanted to create a human connection that wasn't based off business or anything like that. And I ended up becoming pen pals with this prison inmate. And he had gone to jail getting caught for... He grew about a million dollars worth of weed on government property land, like this hiking trail. But also he had a charge of assault on his partner, which he claimed wasn't his fault. His partner was on heroin. Anyways, we ended up brokering a really beautiful friendship between us. We were pen paling, writing these letters. You can't email. You have to write these actual letters. And I was sending these letters in and I would wait a few weeks, and he would get it back. And I could tell it was something he really looked forward to. It was creating a change in his environment.
And he comes up for parole a few months actually after we start writing and breaking off this friendship together. And he asks if we can meet for coffee. In that moment, I shared this with one of my friends for the very first time. I just said, "I had never thought of openly sharing this to anyone around me that I was pen pals with a prison inmate." And I told one of my friends, I told a couple of friends that I was going to go meet this inmate for coffee. And their reaction was, "Are you crazy? This is really insane. What have you gotten yourself into? What if this person decides to stalk you and gets attached to you? What if he's in love with you? La, da, da."
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And this fear of theirs, obviously any emotion as contagious was absorbed by me. And I suddenly went into fear and all these thoughts and ideas in my head of like, "Oh my God, this is going to happen. I'm going to get raped. I'm going to get murdered. I'm going to get [inaudible 00:17:33]. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah" I was really debating whether or not to meet this person.
Finally, when the day came, I actually just went ahead with it because I realized it was too late to cancel at that stage. I'd been ping ponging between canceling and going the whole time and I'd left it to the last minute. So I decided I'm just going to go. I'm just going to surrender into this. We're meeting in a public space. There's nothing that can be... It's fine. And I was afraid. I'm not going to lie. I was actually really afraid. But I went ahead with it. I disregarded that fear. And you know what? I'm so freaking glad I did.
It's been one of the most beautiful relationships I've ever encountered or had in my life. Because when I met this man and you saw me and him on the sidewalk, we were totally different walks of life. It was such an odd scene to see both of us together, because he was literally out of jail. He looked like he was homeless in many ways. And then this little blonde girl, sitting at a picnic table together, we were getting looks from people. People were like, "What the hell is happening here?"
And what other circumstance could have brought us together, right? It was such an unusual thing. And we sat and we talked. And I heard his story. And I heard the stuff that he'd been through through his childhood, the trauma, the hurt, the violence, the shit that there's no way I would still be standing on my two feet if I had to go through that. It created such empathy and understanding and a space of love for this fellow human. And the fear was gone immediately. And to this day, I still communicate with this man. And I realize the fear, it's almost absurd to talk about it. But in the moment, it was real guys, I'm telling you.
Okay. So maybe that was like a lightweight example and you're like, "Sure. You met in a public space. It's a different types of fear." So here's another example. Not long after that experience and that relationship with that inmate, which happened on the back of a really bad heartbreak with a relationship that I was in, I was dumped, I was left, completely broken. It was my rock bottom of sorts and I became very anxious and distrustful of men in that moment because it hit me left field. I thought I was in a loving relationship. I thought everything was fine. And then he tells me he doesn't love me, which was so left field. We weren't arguing. There was no signs there, whatsoever.
And so I really came to distrust myself. I came to distrust men. I end up shedding the depression through the protocols, getting into a sense of wellbeing. And lo and behold, the moment I'm in love with myself, I feel worthy, boom, this beautiful soul comes into my life, my partner that I have now, [Guille 00:20:57]. And when I first met him, he was just so loving. Immediately, he just wanted to spend time with me. He wanted my time. He always messaged back right away. He was just everything I didn't think a man could be because I simply had never dated anyone like that. And it caught me off guard. Right away in my mind, there was these narratives like "This is too good to be true." I had these red alarms going off and I started to go in fear.
And I remember very early on, I go to his house the very first time to spend the night at his house and I'm sitting on his bed, and these narratives, these fears are just like taking over. They're so loud and they're like, "Cat, it smells like that past relationship. You're going to get your heart broken. You have to get out of here ASAP. Push the button ASAP. Something's not right here." And I panicked. I had this full on moment sitting on his bed where I was like, "I have to leave right now." And he was so confused. He was like, "What the hell? What's up with this, bitch?" right? And I left and I got in my car in like... It was 12:00 PM at night or something. Started driving home and I caught myself in the car. Literally, caught myself going, "What the fuck am I doing? This doesn't make any sense. Why am I listening to fear?"
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I knew by now, right? I already was clued on that fear is never the right perspective. So luckily, I caught myself. I drove back to his house and we had a great fucking night, and we're still together. Now, I'm not saying he's my soulmate and I'm never going to get a heartbreak or none of these things are going to happen, but what I'm saying is "Thank God I didn't listen to that fear. Thank God I surrendered into what I was afraid of because I'm so fulfilled and happy and nurtured with this man, with this relationship."
So maybe that one is something that you guys can relate with, that you have encountered as well in your own dating lives. Because guess what? This one's really prolific if you're single, right, where you get fears with people and you start assuming things and you get storylines. But I'm telling you, if you're feeling red light while you're thinking those thoughts, they're wrong. It's the wrong perspective. And the dangerous thing about that is that if you keep practicing that perspective, unfortunately the power of your mind and your perspective is such that you will actually create that experience yourself. And then you'll go, "Ha. See, I knew it." Well, not really. It was just you and how powerful you are that created that. And then you keep yourself loop, because then you're like, "I knew it. I should trust my fear. My fear never lets me wrong." And now you're fucked, like you're really fucking fucked, you know?
So that was the second example. I'm going to leave you with this one, which happened to me very, very recently. I was super in flow, aligned in my business. I was just really vibing with the space I had, the groove I had landed in, where my muscles had stretched. And I made an aligned commitment to hire an agency for a sum of $80,000, which was the most I've ever spent on an agency in my life before. But I was super excited. I was really in flow with it. No fears, whatsoever. And guess what? I didn't have that 80K sitting around. I just made that commitment, trusting that that money would show up, that it would come as it needed to. And that I was in flow and that everything... I was following my intuition. And so I was trusting that all the resources I would need, the people would come together to make it happen.
But I encountered an individual right after I made that investment who planted a seed of fear in my mind. This is like the danger with fear, guys. It's so contagious. So if for no other reason, you need to snub it out. Because when you're in fear, you will literally place everyone else around you in fear. It's like a self-preservation mechanism where you feel more comfortable if everyone's on the same emotional frequency as you so you're going to contaminate everyone around you, right? When you're depressed, oh my God, you're such like a low life energy to be around, right? Because it's contagious. It's like it brings other people down.
So I was around somebody who had fear and it like [inaudible 00:25:34]. I sucked it up. It just contaminated me through no fault of that person. Obviously, it wasn't intentional or conscious thing they were trying to do to me. I was just the right environment for that fear to slip in. I hadn't meditated for a couple days. I had been smoking weed. And boom, my mindset was such that it was vulnerable to this idea. And I went right from flow to anxiety. The shift was immediate. And I went into panic. The realization that I just invested the same amount as a deposit on a house on an agency for something that was brand new, that I fully didn't really trust in, just dawned on me and I panicked.
And in that moment, I started to then go on a witch hunt of all the reasons why this wasn't going to work, why I had made wrong decision. I was experiencing full on customer dissonance, right? This is what happens when... You got to watch that. When your clients or customers make a big investment in you, you have to be aware that this dissonance can sometimes happen and how to help your clients through that and turn that around. This was over Christmas holidays. I didn't feel comfortable reaching out to the agency and just communicating, because I knew everyone was on holiday so I let it go. And I thought I could get through it.
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Big mistake. I really struggled with that. I went on this witch hunt of all the reasons why they weren't going to work. I started to come up with reasons why I didn't want to do that thing anymore. And then I started emailing the agency some really cryptic, whacko, weird fucking emails, like shit that I look back on and I'm like, "Jesus Christ. That is fear talking." It's not you when you're in fear, right? It's the wrong perspective. And of course, I contaminated that fear in the agency. Thankfully, because I'm literally talking about these ideas all the time, I'm working with people through this, I was able to catch myself. This one took me a bit longer. I spent two weeks, I'm not going to lie, in deep fear and anxiety. It really me fucked up. And as I went into that, the moment I went into that... Prior to that, the business had done about $70,000 or a $100,000 dollars. And this is like a brand new offer that had no funnels, no website, nothing. It was like it was so in flow.
The moment I stepped into fear and anxiety, everything stopped. All the revenue. I'm not even shitting you. It was like... And all of a sudden, I became acutely aware of the responsibilities and the financial burdens I had accumulated. And the moment my awareness went on that and away from the flow and the outcome and where I was heading, Ooh, I got in a whole lot of trouble. And it took me two weeks to finally see it for what it was and to realize, "Ah, okay. Me trying to fight this fear is not... I'm not going to win. That's not how you get out of it. I have to surrender. I have to fall into the fear." And that's when I emailed the agency and I said, "I'm very, very sorry. My behavior was totally out of line. Here's why it happened. [inaudible 00:28:57] I hope I haven't compromised the relationship." I'm not sure what it's going to look like or how things are going to work, but I trust this and I trust myself.
And the moment I did that, guys, I'm not even shitting you, it was like I had so much confusion before. I was like, "I don't know where I want to go, or what offer, or what do I do? And it was like, boof. Downloads. Just insane clarity coming to me. Sales happening again. People reaching out again to work with me. The Flow. The top opening it up. This is why I stand behind what I say, when I say no decision should ever be made out of fear. Ever, ever. Not in your life, not in your personal life, and certainly not in your business. And by the way, this goes for any red light emotion. If you're in overwhelmed or bored or unfulfilled or any of those things, don't make decisions from that place. You're only going to wind up with a lot more of that. And then you're going to feel validated and go "See I knew it." The moment you say that to yourself, you're stuck in a very slippery slope. It's very hard to get yourself out of that.
There is never anything to fear if you zoom out big enough, right? Because here's the biggest thing to fear. Death. Right? Ultimately, that's the greatest worst thing that could possibly happen to us. But if you really, really take a moment to objectively observe death, you will realize that death in itself is not only the only guaranteed thing that is going to happen to you. It happens to every living organism, except for squids it appears. But death happens to every single one of us. So it's literally the most natural thing. How scary, how bad could that possibly be? Not only that. But when you observe a dead human body, within a matter of hours, the cells begin to explode and degenerate and there's bacteria and organisms that start to eat at this byproduct that is our dead body and creates universes upon universes.
This is the same for a tree that dies, right? The log the mother tree log will go and create saplings and be fertile ground for entire universes of millions and millions of critters. Death begets life. Death leads to life. There's nothing scary about the scariest thing that can ever happen to you. So when you can remember that, then you can recognize full on for the quality that it is, that really there's nothing to be afraid of. Because if you shouldn't be afraid of death, which is literally the worst thing that could happen to you, then what are you really afraid of? And anything you're really telling yourself you're afraid of, is really just this reptilian side of your brain that unfortunately hasn't caught up with the times. But more than anything, it's a communication tool between you, you, your intuition or whatever you want to call it, between you telling you "You are wrong. Whatever you're thinking is wrong."
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And what I have found in my own experience and the examples I've given you before, and I invite you to think of moments in your life like this where you've surrendered to fear, I want you to fall into it, to surrender to it, to accept it, to allow it to be. Whatever it is that you're so afraid of and resisting, whether it's poverty or losing a leg or something, let it go. So fucking what if it happens? I'm not saying that because I want you to accept losing a leg, but I'm saying that because in accepting that, suddenly you will, find life will unfold. Her cornucopian shit gets really good, really fine and you realize there was nothing to be worried about all along. When we resist things, what we resist persists.
So I'm going to leave you guys with one last story. This one's kind of funny. Unfortunately, I didn't really fall into the fear that night. So a couple months ago, I lived in the country and my partner wasn't living with us at this time. Basically, the power went out. We were cooking dinner in the house. It was just me and my two young children. They're very young. And the power went out. When the power goes out in the country, my friends, it's very dark, like pitch, pitch black. You can't even see your hand. Immediately, my children start to panic, right? They're like, "Mom, mom, where are you? Where are you?" So I turn the light on my phone on and we go, "Okay, let's go to the circuit box." And sure enough, one of the circuits is down so I turn it up. And we go back in the kitchen and continue making our dinner.
And then literally five minutes in, power goes out again. Pitch black. Kids are a bit nervous more so than the first time this time, and me as well. I'm like, "What's going on?" I can see my neighbor far off and the distance still has power so I'm recognizing it has to do with the house, not the power grid. We go back to the circuit and I turn it on. And this time my son says to me, "Mom, I think I saw a man outside of the house." And oh my God, I'm telling you in that moment it was like, I can't do horror movies, scary movies because of this. My whole body just went like... shut down. And I went into fear, like the kind of fear you see in scary movies. Just like, "What? I'm going to die." My mind was like, "I'm going to get butchered. They're going to find the kids butchered. Who could I have pissed off? Who did this?"
And we ended up spending... I was so afraid that I didn't bother to go turn the circuit back on at this stage. And instead, we took some lights, some camping lights in my room and basically sat on the bed in the pitch black. It was like 8:00 PM at night. And we all just went to bed in the darkness, in my bed, because I was so scared. And obviously, my kids were terrified because they picked up on this fear for me. Now, obviously morning came around, a new day, got an electrician around. Turns out it was actually a mouse that had bitten one of the circuits. So there was no man outside the door. My son had perceived that. There was nothing there at all. It was all imagined in our minds. And yet, and yet, it really took control of the reins.
And I think that's the trickiest thing about fear, is that when you're in it, it is very difficult to allow the rational or the level headed thinking, perspectives, to come back in. It's a hijacking of thoughts in many ways. But if you can begin to first acknowledge that there has been a hijacking, because so many of us trust our fear... So first of all, like go of that trust. Do not trust your fear, and instead question it. Earnestly approach it with the awareness and recognition that it is not the right perspective. And start to shuffle through perspectives. Honestly, there's a million perspectives to every situation you encountered. There's a million perspectives, my friends. So just start shuffling through. Just start practicing shuffling through perspectives, which by the way is a very healthy exercise to do always all the time. It builds empathy for yourself and other people. And you shuffle through perspectives until you find a lightness happening.
Now here's another hack. If you've been following me and the protocols that I've been working with and the concept of mirroring emotions, a remedy that will help you to find at least a moment of respite from this hijacking is the opposite emotion of fear, which is play. Play is the opposite of fear.
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Why? Because when you're in play, you can skydive, you can do stupid shit, go on top of buildings, and
you're not afraid. If you encounter fear, you're resilient. You move past it really fast.
So if you're really struggling to find a perspective or release anxiety or fear, anxiety is pretty much the same as fear, then go into play. Think about things or moments in your life when you were playful or where you felt happy or you laughed, like your belly was ripping and you couldn't stop. Go into things that make you laugh or playful. And I'm not saying that that's going to cure the fear, but if nothing else, it's going to create a break in the clouds, a lightness. It will build in lightness in you, because play is the remedy to fear, where you can then find the perspective that will suit you, where you can then find the courage and trust and strength to surrender to that fear.
So I hope this episode has been insightful and you've enjoyed my stories. As I said, we will never stop encountering fear. And there is nothing to be afraid of of fear. It's just a communication tool we have with ourselves. When we encounter fear, it's an invitation to go, "What am I telling myself here? Because really what my internal intuitive self is saying I'm wrong." So what would be a better way to look at this? And if you want to be really ballsy and an advanced conscious alpha that shows up on mega level, then you fall into that fear. You surrender to it. And you will find on the back of that, you will encounter the most beautiful personalities, the most beautiful people, the most beautiful synchronicities and opportunities. As I kind of illustrated with my partner and the inmate, I'm so fucking glad I did not let fear take the reins on those situations.
So thank you so much. As always, if you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review, a rating on Apple or Spotify or wherever you're listening to it. I really appreciate that. It means a lot. Share this episode with anybody that you think needs to hear this message today. If you want to connect with me on a deeper level and learn more about what these protocols, these mysterious protocols are, find me inside of the Free Facebook group, the Flow Protocols, on Instagram, the Flow Protocols. And you can also catch a new updated masterclass that I recently recorded at the flowprotocols.com. Wherever you are in your journey, may you travel safely, my friend. Thank you so much for tuning in, and I will see you on the next episode.