All of Yoga

31. Why it’s so hard to relax (and how to make it easier)

• Episode 31

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Relaxation - it sounds so simple, yet it’s one of the biggest challenges of modern life. Why is it so hard to truly rest, even when we know we need it? 


In this episode, we explore the science behind why relaxation doesn’t come easily and, more importantly, how you can train your nervous system to make rest feel safe, natural, and deeply healing.


If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “I’ll relax when this task is done,” or struggling to switch off even when you try, this episode is for you. 


Expect practical tools, science-backed insights, and gentle encouragement to help you break free from the stress cycle and embrace rest as a skill you can practice and strengthen.


What you’ll learn:

🧠 Why your nervous system resists relaxation and how stress becomes your “new normal.”

🧠 The role of your sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) in keeping you stuck in overdrive.

🧠 How to signal safety to your body and shift into a state of rest and recovery.

🧠 Practical tools to make relaxation easier, including breathwork, grounding movement, and Yoga Nidra.

🧠 Why removing the pressure to “relax perfectly” is key to building a sustainable relaxation practice.


Key takeaways:

✅ Start with Your Nervous System: Relaxation isn’t just a mental decision, it’s a full-body state. Practices like breathwork, grounding movement, and Yoga Nidra  help signal to your body that it’s safe to rest.

✅ Remove the pressure: Let go of the idea that relaxation has to look or feel a certain way. Even small moments of rest count.

✅  Practice regularly, not perfectly: Relaxation is a skill that gets easier with practice. The more you train your nervous system, the more natural rest will feel.


Resources mentioned in this episode:

🙏 Workshops in Leeds: The Undoing, Yoga Nidra, and Sound Bath Relaxation workshops - take a look here  

💻 Online Yoga Nidra offerings: Explore guided meditations and relaxations you can do anytime, anywhere here 

📋 Free Yoga Nidra fact sheet: Includes evidence-based benefits, a guide to getting started, and four practices to try. Get yours here

👀 See the shownotes here

🙌 Free Masterclass – Yoga and the Brain: The Neuroscience of Stress Recovery: Learn how yoga heals your brain and helps you break free from the stress cycle. Save your spot here


If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it. And as always, happy practicing!

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[00:00:00] Hi, and welcome back to the All of Yoga podcast. I'm Holly from Yoga Hero, and today we are diving into something that sounds so simple, [00:01:00] but it's actually a huge modern day challenge, relaxation. Why is it so hard to relax? Why do we know we need to rest, yet we resist it or avoid it? Or we struggle to actually feel rested when we try.

If you've ever found yourself saying things like, I'll just relax when this task is done, or I'm struggling to switch off, or maybe you do lie down for a rest, but then your mind starts racing, then this episode is for you.

We are going to look at why relaxation doesn't come easily, and more importantly, how you can train your nervous system so that rest feels safe and deeply healing.

Let's get cracking.

 Why is it so hard to relax? [00:02:00] Let's start off with a bit of science. Your nervous system has one main goal to keep you alive, and so it does this by constantly scanning your environment for danger, even if that danger is a demanding email or a full to-do list.

When your brain detects a threat with a physical, emotional, or imaginary, it activates your sympathetic nervous system, your fight or flight mode. Definitely have a listen to episode 29. What stress is doing to your brain to find out more about that. Have you ever heard the phrase neurons that fire together, wire together? Well, that's what's happening here because the thing is that the more that you live in this fight or flight mode, constantly busy, overstimulated, overwhelmed, the more that your body [00:03:00] gets used to stress, it becomes your new normal.

What makes rest easier?

So the good news, the great news is that relaxation is a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned, it can be practiced, and it can be strengthened over time. Here are a few ways to start making it easier.

One, start with your nervous system.

Understand that relaxation isn't just a mental decision. It is a full body state, and so you need to signal to your body, you need to signal to your nervous system that it's safe to rest. So how do you do that? Well, potentially quite flippantly. My way of thinking about this is anything that you wouldn't [00:04:00] do if a saber tooth tiger is prowling around, if you do do that, your body will start to understand that it's safe.

Things like breath work, even paying attention to your breath will help your nervous system understand it doesn't need to be in survival mode. For even more impact, lengthen your exhale breath, and this tells your nervous system it's okay to slow down. Please when practicing any breath work, just like asana, just like the physical practice, if you experience discomfort, then do something else.

 Grounding movement.

Yes. Gentle, slow yoga postures, slow walking, self massage can help shift you out of your head and into your body. Yeah, but also sometimes you just feel too frustrated for slow movements. You feel [00:05:00] like your head might explode. Doing big poses that challenge big muscles might complete the fight or flight response, helping the stress hormones move out of your system and help prepare you for calmer, slower movements. If this feels like a good approach for you, try big squats, goddess poses and lunges, bending and straightening both legs to really challenge, especially those leg muscles.

And yoga nidra.

More on this in a moment, but Yoga Nidra is such an incredibly powerful tool for healing the nervous system.

 Two. Remove the pressure.

 So, being a yoga teacher for, um, 12, 13 years means I have met a lot of people who are trying to relax and one of the things that I've [00:06:00] noticed is that many of us try to relax perfectly.

Things like setting up the space, setting up a playlist, trying to get the to-do list empty before resting. And then feeling frustrated when it doesn't work. Does this sound familiar? So just do your very, very best to let go of relaxation needing to look a certain way or feel a certain way.

Relaxation can happen when there's still things on your to-do list. And what you might find is that you get those last few bits done, even quicker, even more effectively after a period of rest. Hero, all I can say is just start where you are. Three minutes counts. One minute counts. Sitting up counts, lying down, counts, sighing into your cup of tea counts.

Just start where you are and remove the [00:07:00] pressure.

 And three, practice regularly, not perfectly.

The more often you practice relaxation. The easier it becomes. It's just like learning the piano or learning another language. The more you practice, the easier it gets. You are building a new neural pathway, a new habit, a new skill, and the more you walk this pathway, the stronger it gets.

Even if the first few times feel awkward or restless, do stop when it gets too much, but then try again. Keep going hero. Your nervous system will most certainly learn.

Tools and resources.

If you are ready to make relaxation a bit easier, we've created a few powerful resources to help you. If you are local [00:08:00] to Leeds, keep your eyes peeled for workshops like the Undoing Yoga Nidra, Yin and Yoga Nidra, and our Sound Bath Relaxations. If you are not local to Leeds, you might want to have a look at our online Yoga Nidra offerings.

Yoga Nidra is a guided meditation, a guided relaxation that brings you into a deeply restful state whilst the mind is still slightly, gently aware. All you need to do is get as comfortable as possible and be guided through body scans, through breath awareness, and visualisations. It's really simple. It's really accessible, and it's so profoundly powerful, it never ceases to amaze me.

If you want to know more about yoga nidra, we have a free Yoga Nidra fact sheet for you, which includes [00:09:00] evidence-based benefits of the practice, a guide to getting started, and four practices that you can do anytime, anywhere.

So hero, our final point is a reminder that relaxation isn't a luxury. It's not something that you have to earn, and it can become a natural, healing part of your life, with practice and patience.

And if you are really interested in these mechanisms underpinning why stress is so pervasive, why it makes it hard for us to relax, I'd love to invite you to my free masterclass, yoga and the Brain, the Neuroscience of Stress Recovery. In this masterclass, you'll learn the exact mechanisms of how yoga heals your brain and helps you break free from the stress cycle. It's completely free, and I would love [00:10:00] for you to join me. Simply head to the show notes to save your spot. Spaces are limited and I don't want you to miss out.

It really is your chance to take control of your stress now and for the future, and I can't wait to see you there.

Thank you so, so much for listening. If this episode resonated with you, please do share it with someone who needs to hear it, and as always, happy practicing.