1 Year Later: Nourished & Free Graduate Tells-All (Client Confessional with Wendy)

What does life look like 1 year after healing your relationship with food? Wendy's giving us the insider look and sharing with us the lessons she's learned along the way.

If you're tired of yo-yo dieting and feeling out of control around food, you'll love Wendy's story. She shares her incredible journey to food freedom, reflecting on her experience since graduating from my Nourished & Free program. 

Hear about how she broke free from the shackles of restrictive eating, societal pressures, and family expectations. Learn how you, too, can challenge diet culture, listen to your body, and build a healthy relationship with food. 

Tune in and hear how Wendy's transformation can inspire your own journey to a happier, healthier you.

TOPICS COVERED 👇 
Joining the program (00:02:27)
Wendy's food relationship before (00:04:33)
Impact of Food Noise (00:06:41)
Uncovering family influences (00:08:06)
Discovering personal freedom (00:17:50)
Overcoming food obsession (00:19:48)
Reframing exercise and enjoyment (00:21:42)
Letting go of food rules (00:24:29)
Embracing a healthier lifestyle (00:28:34)
Wendy's view on the group setting (00:31:47)
Using the tools of the program (00:35:35)
Wendy's opinion on Nourished & Free program (00:38:42)
Unanswered Prayers (00:46:02)
Advice for potential participants (00:47:13)

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Transcript

Michelle 00:00:00  Welcome back to the show. I'm your host, Michelle Yates, a registered dietitian with my master's in health psychology. And this is the show to help you become more nourished and free with your relationship with food and your body. And today is such a fun episode, because I get to talk with a client who finished the program Nourished and Free, which is my four month coaching program where you get to work with me and my team on really digging through your relationship with food and your mindset around things, and rewire all the things that need to be rewired so that you can be set up for success? She actually joined over a year ago and has been graduated for about nine months now, and it's so. It's such a treat to be able to hear from somebody who is now that far out, because that's kind of a moment where you get to see like, okay, does this process, does this method, does it really work? And if you know me at all, you know that I am incredibly serious about making sure that what I do is evidence based, that it's not going to just, like, be a waste of anybody's time or resources.

Michelle 00:00:59  I want whatever we do together to actually help you and be sustainable. And that's one of my biggest core values, is that everything we do is sustainable. And so to be able to hear from somebody who's this far out and get to check in and like kind of see, like, okay, did this thing stick? Like, how are we doing is so special. So I'm really excited for you to hear from Wendy today about her experience in Nourish and Free, but also after and how the last year has been. And if you get to the end of the episode and you relate to her, this is something that you've been thinking about doing, and now you're finally like, okay, now that I know it's sustainable, like, let's do this. Well, I guess I shouldn't give it away, right? Like, maybe she'll say that it's not sustainable. Who knows? But you'll have to listen to the episode to find out. But anyway, if you get to the to a point where you're like, okay, I am ready to also be nourished and free, like, how do I join? There is a link in the show notes to apply for the program, so fill that out real quick.

Michelle 00:02:00  We'll get in touch with you about next steps and all of that good stuff. So yeah, if you're interested, please fill out an application. We'll chat more and if it's not a good fit, at the end of the day, I do want to make sure that you're not left just like hanging. So I'll try and give you some recommendations on what I feel like would be the best next steps for you. So without further ado, let's hear from Wendy and get an insight into what life is like one year after Nourished and Free. Welcome to the show, Wendy. Thank you.

Wendy 00:02:27  I'm so.

Michelle 00:02:27  Glad you're.

Wendy 00:02:28  Here.

Michelle 00:02:28  This is.

Wendy 00:02:28  A really.

Michelle 00:02:29  Fun episode because it's been over a year since you joined. I just checked if you had joined Nourished and Free.

Wendy 00:02:37  June 28th of last year. End of June? Yeah. Yeah.

Michelle 00:02:42  And then you finished up in.

Wendy 00:02:43  October a month ago. Yeah, yeah.

Michelle 00:02:46  Yeah. So I this is so fun because I like the whole reason that I do.

Michelle 00:02:52  What I do is because I want to help somebody with the rest of their life, not just for the four months that we're working together. So this is like a treat for me to get to follow up. And I try to follow up with everybody later, but I don't always get responses, you know? So so it's great to be able to sit down and chat with somebody who's been out of this for almost a year and see, did everything stick or are we doing well? Is it like, did we backtrack? How did we adjust with the back? You know, like all of that. So this is going to be such a special experience. So thanks for being here.

Wendy 00:03:24  you're welcome I'm glad to do it. So and I think it's somebody who was in the position of considering whether to join your program at one point. Hearing from people who had been through the program. And I think particularly, I don't know that I heard from folks who had been out a little while, but yeah, getting the perspective of somebody who has been out of the program for a little over a year and what that's like and their experience, I think can be very informative and helpful.

Michelle 00:03:52  I agree, I agree, I think it is very powerful to see like, okay, long term, how does this affect someone's life? So we're very used to thinking in the short term and like what's going to happen. Like how can I feel better right now. But we don't necessarily think about I also want to feel better for the rest of my life too. So will this actually help me do that? But before we kind of get into how you're doing and everything, I'd love for you to share just a little bit about your story in terms of like what your relationship with food was like. I know you had some mama drama that you felt like contributed a lot to, to the issues you were having. So, yeah, like fill us in on when you were coming into the process of joining Nourished and Free. Where was your relationship with food at?

Wendy 00:04:33  Yeah. And good memory. Definitely some mama drama. I will, preface in case anybody ever recognizes me. My mother is a lovely human and very well intended, but, you know, that was one of the great things about the program is I really uncovered a lot of the root of why I had issues.

Wendy 00:04:50  And, you know, my description, Michelle, I had a gerbil when I was a kid, so I always say gerbil wheel instead of hamster wheel. but I was on that gerbil wheel of just the negative food thoughts and feeling obsessed with food. And it's not that you had to be eating all day, but it was just like your mind was always consumed with food thoughts, and, it just takes up so much space, and it's just this constant clutter, and you reach this point where you're like, oh, my God, I'm so sick of this. I'm sick of feeling like I don't have the willpower to control what I put in my mouth. I'm sick of feeling like I'm a failure because I can't top that willpower. you know, the judgment, the body image, judgment, and just always being so critical and harsh and, you know, in addition to that, that gerbil wheel where you're always thinking about food, you always have that negative voice running in your head, too, about your body and comparing yourself and not living up to diet culture, which, you know, I had never really heard of diet culture until I started this program.

Wendy 00:05:59  And then things start to really click. So yeah, yeah. So that's where I was at. And and get more into the mama drama or family stuff. But I really discovered that even though my parents were both well-intended, a lot of their behaviors and their conversations and their just offhanded comments were some of the main contributors to where I wound up and why I got on that wheel to begin with.

Michelle 00:06:23  Yeah, yeah. So you were describing like, the the constant thoughts of food. A lot of times people refer to that as food noise. How did you feel like that food noise was affecting your life at all? I mean, did it change how you were living day to day, showing up at work, anything like that?

Wendy 00:06:41  I think it it changes how you approach a lot of things. You know, it's like, okay, do I even need to go out with my friends if I'm just going to eat more stuff? That's air quotes bad for me. or do I need to sit this one out? Or if I go to this reception and there's, you know, buffets and all of this great food, am I going to embarrass myself because my plate is too full? And there there is this, you know, sense of, being deprived and, you know, everything in your life has been measured and restricted.

Wendy 00:07:23  So when you go to those types of events, it's kind of like a free for all. I always talk about, Templeton the rat in Charlotte, Charlotte's Web when he went to the fair, and he comes out and he's just gonna bloop bloop, bloop, bloop, and, you know, kind of just wobbling back and forth because he's so full and, you know, nobody wants to be Templeton the rat. So I think, you know, all those feelings do sway your comfort level when you're at events, the decisions you make and how you feel about yourself, for sure. Yeah.

Michelle 00:07:55  Yeah. Well, tell me more about what it was like to kind of uncover how your parents had shaped your relationship with food.

Wendy 00:08:06  So again, well-intended parents and mom always tried to cook healthy. You know, their stereotypes of the South. And all we do is sit around and eat fried chicken and fried pork chops and fried everything with butter.

Michelle 00:08:20  And then where are you from? In the South?

Wendy 00:08:22  Right outside of Savannah.

Wendy 00:08:23  So I'm from. Okay. Statesboro, Georgia. Yeah. and it's a lovely area and a lot of the stereotypes. Maybe they're true for some, but it's like anything else where a lot of them are kind of myths. Right. And so we did have fried chicken and we did have fried pork chops, but my mom always had tomato slices on the side. And you had one pork chop and not three. And you know, we'd have carrots or we'd have some sort of fruit. So she did her very best to make things healthy. But she also was very restrictive. And it was like, you know, things were plated for you and you didn't go back for a second. Except for holidays. And we never had sweets in our house. You know, you got sweets when it was birthdays or you were traveling and you were on vacation. I remember going to my grandparents 4.5 hours away, and we either got to go to the right, the convenience store, or get a candy bar to the left and get a Dilly Bar at the dairy Queen, you know.

Wendy 00:09:20  So. So those things were very, you know, it was set up. It was like this very rare thing that you didn't have on a regular basis. So I had never equated it. And I remember when you said I was almost shocked, but you said food insecurity, and it really did create this sense of scarcity that in my mind, when you go to those buffets or you go to a work event and they have, you know, all the, the kind bars and stuff, you're like scarfing them away in your bag. And it's like squirreling things back, like you're never going to have food again and you don't even realize why you're doing those things because you can, as a rational person, say, okay, this is ridiculous. Like, I'm a grown person, I have a good job, I make good money, I can afford kitchen bars. Why? Why do I feel like I have to put five bars back over the course of a three day conference? So.

Michelle 00:10:18  Well, yeah, it's like comforting, you know, to to be able to be surrounded by it and, and feel like, okay, I am not a child anymore.

Michelle 00:10:28  Like I am not feeling that sense of, oh, I wish I could have more. I wish my mom would let me have this. And yeah, the the food insecurity thing. We usually think of that in the traditional sense, where it's like somebody grew up in a poor household, they didn't have access to a lot of food, and that can definitely create an issue as well of like hoarding food later in life. again as a source of comfort. But on the flip side, you can also have a kind of pseudo food insecurity. If you've just had food withheld from you as a child, even though your family may have been able to afford it, or it wasn't necessarily like you didn't have access, it was just the access was taken away from you because of a parent deciding, no, you can't have more, you can't have this type of food or whatever. So it can create those same kind of issues where you're now feeling extra drawn to food because it's something that was taken away from you or that you couldn't have.

Michelle 00:11:26  We want what we can't have. You know, we're we're creatures of jealousy and the grass is always greener, you know? Yeah.

Wendy 00:11:34  And I think, you know what you said about, you know, we were well off. I don't we weren't wealthy, but my parents were always responsible with money. And it's not like we didn't. So you know that clicking when you said food insecurity because I associated that with, you know, being underprivileged or and so I almost felt guilty like, no, that's I don't have the right to, to put that label on myself. and then it's like, well, you know, it's not about that. It's about the actuality of the situation. And and so that really helped me come to terms with why I did some of the behaviors and had the thoughts that I did. Yeah. And then, you know, same thing with my dad. His side of the family has always been a little heavier. So, you know, I got the comments from mom about, you know, she'd say things like, oh, you know, your aunt was about the size you are now when she got married.

Wendy 00:12:30  And that was her way of saying you need to body check yourself because, you know she was your size now. And look where she is now. And, you know, she meant those things to be helpful. But, you know, and then dad would have the heart and hearts. And it was coming more from a place of empathy from him. But it still was not helpful because so much emphasis was put on your looks and how that equated to weight. So fast forward, coming through this program, something else that's really clicked and resonated is when I go home, I am hardly in the door when those two start having a conversation back and forth, back and forth about who looks good. And to them it's all about weight. So, you know, I literally will have just crossed the threshold and they'll be talking about someone from church or somebody they saw at breakfast and it's like, oh, so-and-so looks great. She's lost so much weight, and now I can kind of distance myself and say, I don't have to buy into that.

Wendy 00:13:34  But I see that it started at home. And when you have those conversations around you, it's not just the media, it's not just the diet Culture is the culture that diet culture creates in your home. And so I grew up with that, and that's what you hear, and that's the pressure you put on yourself. So again, they're both amazing individuals and super well intended. And they're not people people. And they don't mean it that way. They just don't know what they're saying or the impact of what they're saying.

Michelle 00:14:03  Well, it's yeah, it's like you said, the diet culture and our wellness culture and skinny culture, all of that has impacted them to the point where it then impacts you. It's not necessarily that they're deliberately or maliciously thinking, I want to create issues for my daughter. You know, like I want to put this pressure on my daughter. So she thinks that she has to look perfect, like, no, they're not they're obviously not doing that. I don't think any parent ever is.

Michelle 00:14:29  It's just the the culture has impacted them in a way that it does change the way they think and the way that they speak, and those things just kind of pour out of you, you know, especially in the home when you're comfortable and then as a kid or teenager or even grown woman, like, those are people that mattered probably the most to you. Right? And it's like you, of course you're going to care about their opinion. You're not going to care about a stranger on the streets. Opinion nearly as much as your parents and my cat.

Wendy 00:15:01  I always love your cat. He's part of part of your whole, you know, brand.

Michelle 00:15:07  Really, I can't, I can't he doesn't understand schedules. He doesn't understand. He just.

Wendy 00:15:13  Wants to be a part.

Michelle 00:15:14  Bother me during a podcast. Yeah. anyway, so it's it's tough because you internalize those messages and you want to please them. You want their approval, you want their respect. And and so then you learn what they care about and what matters to them, which when you're hearing things like that, like, oh, they look so good, they lost weight.

Michelle 00:15:36  It's like, okay, I'm putting the puzzle pieces together. They care about bodies and how bodies look and weight and and that's tough to navigate, you know, when you don't know how to how to reason through that. You know, I.

Wendy 00:15:52  Think something that I really something that also gravitated with me in this program along the lines of what you just said, and this was through you. And also, Danny.

Michelle 00:16:04  Is coach.

Wendy 00:16:05  We we are taught that our parents know best and we are wanting their admiration, their their respect and and so just disassociating that and looking at them as humans versus our parents, and they're only doing the best they can and they don't have all the answers. You know, certainly they're wise and have great advice on many things, but they don't always know. And, you know, for years I tried to because my mom is so healthy. And, you know, I talked about her kind of rationing things as I was growing up. And then, you know, as she's gotten older, she's gotten more into, you know, dad and I always joke that you could take everything in her kitchen and add it up and you wouldn't get to 600 calories.

Wendy 00:16:52  And, you know, it's like flaxseed goes on everything. Gosh.

Michelle 00:16:56  I forgot about the flaxseed.

Wendy 00:16:57  Yeah.

Michelle 00:16:58  And he is traumatized by flaxseed.

Wendy 00:17:00  Yeah, I know I.

Michelle 00:17:01  Suggested it one time and you're like, no no no no no no, don't talk.

Wendy 00:17:05  To him. I've made peace with him okay?

Michelle 00:17:08  You really are nourished and made piece of flax away.

Wendy 00:17:11  But, you know, she has gotten so just even more like health conscious, I would say, with age. And it's great because she's now, you know, 78 and she's still with us and it's fantastic. So there's a lot of benefit to leading a healthy lifestyle. but, you know, for years when I was struggling, I would have that kind of what would Brenda do? Sorry. I shouldn't tell my mom's name. Right. But, you know, it was the instead of what would Jesus do? It was with with food and nutrition. It was. What would Brenda do? And you'll remember my big epiphany when I said, you know, I'm finally at this point where I'm like, what would Wendy do? Yeah.

Wendy 00:17:50  And that's the new mantra, because I don't have to live my parent's life. I don't have to live mom's life, dad's life, diet culture's life, my friends life. I get to be my life. I get to be Winnie's life and determine that. And, you know, going through this program to me is almost like somebody handing you a golden ticket and you having this little secret power. And there are so many times when I'm at dinner with friends or we're in conversations, and I kind of smile to myself because I hear the words coming out of their mouth, and I know that that does not impact me. That's not my choice anymore. So to give you some examples, you know, you're at dinner and you're at a Italian place and they're like, oh, well, I can't get the pasta because, you know, I'm just going to blow up and be £2 million. If I eat the pasta or.

Michelle 00:18:48  Single plate.

Wendy 00:18:49  I'll say, oh, I better be good and not get dessert tonight.

Wendy 00:18:54  Or recent example from this past week. Some friends were talking about going to brunch this weekend and they said, yeah, let's meet and go to brunch. I said, well, why don't we go for a walk beforehand? And the immediate response was, oh, great idea. We can earn our brunch, Cal and and I just, I felt like I had that golden ticket in my back pocket. You know, you have to be careful because you can't impress your views upon others. There's there's a place in a way to do it. And if it if it starts to conflict with the way I want to lead my life, I'm very open now about my choices. If they want to do that. But I don't go into, you know, I don't believe in that and did it up, but I don't. And it it does. It makes me feel like I have this secret weapon and I don't have to buy into that. I wanted to get a walk just because I wanted to get a walk.

Wendy 00:19:48  It had nothing to do with earning my food or feeling better about my foods. I can go and I can eat whatever I want at the brunch. And you know, I know I'm not I'm just kind of on a roll here. But I'll just say that it's really fascinating in those first few months with the program, I feel like I went out and I systematically bought all the things I was never allowed to eat, that I felt like other people could eat, but I couldn't eat. So, you know, I bought all the sweets, I bought all the chips, all the things that were never in my home, that I only got my aunt, that I was her size. When she got married, all those things were at her house. That's the only time I ever got to eat them, right? So I went out and I bought all the things. You know, we talked. I remember in the program talking about Oreos. And you always use that as a great example. Oreos and donuts or you're to have some.

Michelle 00:20:41  It's something about Oreos that it's just like statistically there's something there that it is like people feel like Oreos have power over them at time and time again.

Wendy 00:20:53  Yeah, well, I bought the Warriors and I bought all the things and this amazing thing happened. Things started to get stale before I would eat them, and I'd have to throw them out, you know, or you realize, okay, I've denied myself this for so long, but I don't actually like this. Like, it tastes good, it tastes fake or, you know, like, isn't that manufactured? Or the chocolate doesn't taste like true chocolate or, you know, you just. And then it's like, okay, this food does not have this power over me anymore. And then you can have a salad, not because you're supposed to, but because it nourishes your body. And you can go have the walk before brunch because it sounds fun and not because you're punishing yourself. And you have to exercise.

Michelle 00:21:42  Which is interesting that you were the one that had the idea to go for a walk because it was something you genuinely wanted to do.

Michelle 00:21:48  Yeah, right. Like they were like, oh yeah, good idea. But they didn't have the idea first because for them it would have been about earning their food. And typically we don't want to do things that feels like a punishment, right? We want to do things that we enjoy. So it's like it becomes easier to live a healthier lifestyle when it's something that is about enjoyment and pleasure and feeling good instead of about punishment. And that's like, yeah, you got to go through those phases of like making peace with the Oreos and stuff so that you can figure out, do I actually like this thing? Maybe I don't, I've just like created this obsession around it because it was only something I could have at my aunt's house, and that's so it felt extra special. But now that I'm eating it now, I don't actually like it. And I would have never known that unless I'd asked myself those questions and reflected, you know.

Wendy 00:22:41  Like sneaking a drink before you're 21, you want to do it because it's taboo and, you know.

Michelle 00:22:46  Yeah.

Wendy 00:22:48  Let me sneak an Oreo, and then you're like, I'm an adult. I go buy Oreos in pairs. Yeah.

Michelle 00:22:55  So you mentioned that things would go stale. Would that ever happen before you had joined? Like if you did allow something like Oreos in your house, would they ever get to that point of like going stale.

Wendy 00:23:05  If they made it to two days? It'd be miraculous. You know, if they're in there, it's like you could sit on a couch, but there's like this beacon calling you to the kitchen, or is this amazing how you can. I mean, you can eat for every two hours. You don't necessarily sit and have a quote unquote true binge where you're sitting and eating the whole thing, but over the course of two days, they're slowly going to decrease. So no. And, you know, and thinking about this podcast, I thought it'd be kind of neat to just go back and look at a couple of my notes from the beginning of the show.

Michelle 00:23:37  Yeah, you were getting a note taker, I love that.

Wendy 00:23:40  Yeah. And, you know, I read something where I said, oh my gosh, I'm no longer night eating. And I had kind of forgotten that night eating was a thing for me. But, you know, I would come home and eat dinner, and then 2 or 3 hours later, I'd go and fix myself a snack. And it was like, you know, every evening, even if it wasn't a big thing. And I wouldn't say it was, you know, and some people have truer binges. This wasn't like a binge. It was just like an extra snack that I didn't need. I wasn't hungry.

Michelle 00:24:12  Yeah, you felt like it.

Wendy 00:24:12  Wasn't serving any.

Michelle 00:24:14  Or the need.

Wendy 00:24:15  Yeah, it wasn't serving any purpose for my body. It was more of a mental. And I didn't know the why behind why I was doing that. But one thing you find, and I think that amazed me and others in this program, is just how quickly you start to see changes.

Wendy 00:24:29  I don't know what your voodoo magic is. and I know you're a Christian person, so I don't mean that in a negative way, but what are you doing? Some voodoo magic. Because.

Michelle 00:24:40  Yes, you're all joining my cult. I'm forcing my faith on you.

Wendy 00:24:44  It clicks really fast.

Michelle 00:24:48  Know that? Yeah.

Wendy 00:24:49  You start to see those results, and it's like, you know, just a couple of weeks in, I wasn't getting that that siren, you know, pull the the siren song pulling me into the kitchen anymore and and to the point that a year later, I forgot that I even did that. Like, now. Yeah. Now I come home, I have dinner, and it's good if I get hungry later. And it's truly hunger, you know, sometimes it's just your thirsty and you have a glass of water and you're done. But you know, if I'm truly hungry, I'll go and I'll eat something and you know, which is kind of another cool point, letting go of so many of the rules that are imposed upon us.

Wendy 00:25:27  And, you know, for me, a biggie was you always hear that, oh, don't eat after seven. Well, I do, yes, I do tennis. And, you know, it's really hard. The last thing you want to do before you, you know, you get off work at six or so, then you're trying to make tennis at seven. That's not enough time to have a meal. You can never figure out what to do with that. But I was told I couldn't eat when I got home. Well, then you come home and you're ravished. And so now it's like, okay, I'll have a snack. I'll have some nuts or something that's filling enough to get me through tennis and sustain me through the tennis. And then I come home and I'll have a light meal. And I don't feel guilty about that, which is pretty awesome.

Michelle 00:26:10  Yeah. Whereas before it would have been like, oh, I'm not supposed to eat this, I'm not supposed to eat this, I'm not supposed to do this, which could have been even created like choices that ultimately didn't serve you, potentially, because there's this sense of like, well, I'm eating anyway, so I might as well just like rebel and like have Oreos too.

Michelle 00:26:28  Yeah, and go for it. Or you still make maybe the same choice. It's just that now it's psychologically stressful, you know, distressing to just have a meal which is like your human right, you know? Yeah.

Wendy 00:26:43  Now I definitely feel a lot more in control. And some of my triggers, you know, traveling was always hard. Yeah. going to events was always hard.

Michelle 00:26:53  And you travel a lot for work.

Wendy 00:26:55  Do you travel a lot for work and fun And those were always challenging times, and coming home from travel when you're really tired was always, you know, you burnt the candle at both ends and it's like, oh my gosh, I'm just going to go home and I'm going to order a pizza and I'm going to eat the majority of the pizza because I'll get back on the diet or the what I should be doing air quotes again, wagon tomorrow. So, you know, Mondays. Another day at Sunday night. I just I'm going to order the pizza and I'm going to eat most of the pizza.

Wendy 00:27:28  And so for me, you know, this is a journey. And that's something that you talk about a lot, is that it doesn't end after four months. There's still work to be done. You have to constantly, you know, work to sustain, you know, the thought process and why you are doing the things you do. And I do occasionally review my notes or I'll go back and watch a video and, you know, just kind of bumps you back up and get get your compass pointed in the right direction again. But for me now, instead of coming home from work when I'm tired and ordering a pizza, I'll order grocery deliveries and I'll make sure there's a rotisserie chicken or something. You know, that's, to me, feels better for my body. Yeah, than a pizza would. And it feels like I'm setting myself up for success for the week by having the groceries already in the house instead of, okay, most of the pizza. Now, I'm going to have whatever's left tomorrow for lunch.

Wendy 00:28:25  And then I still don't have groceries and I still feel like crap. And so it's just like this ongoing cycle. So definitely a lot more control with that.

Michelle 00:28:34  And what I love about that is that it's like it sounds like you genuinely just would rather do that instead of ordering the pizza. And I think, like, you know, you can hear that and, and have the experience of like, well, yeah. Like I, I order groceries when I get home too. But maybe that person's experience is while I'm ordering it because it's like, I, I'm forcing myself to I actually want the pizza. So I'm miserable eating the rotisserie chicken. And then I.

Wendy 00:29:02  Know it just.

Michelle 00:29:03  Going and getting pizza the next day because I really did want it after all. You know, like it's it's so nice when it's just like, natural. And this is actually what I want. This is just if I.

Wendy 00:29:14  Want a pizza, order the pizza. You know, I also don't eat delicious. I don't feel like I have to eat the whole thing.

Wendy 00:29:20  Maybe I go ahead and, like, freeze half of it, you know? And, oh.

Michelle 00:29:23  That's a good idea. Why have I never thought of that?

Wendy 00:29:27  Oh, water on it. Put it in the oven. It's fantastic. So, yeah.

Michelle 00:29:30  What the heck? Why have I never heard of this? That's amazing. So, yeah, everybody's obsessed with air fryers right now. Do you have an air fryer?

Wendy 00:29:38  I don't, but.

Michelle 00:29:39  I wonder if that would work.

Wendy 00:29:41  I am enjoying playing around with cooking. you know one thing that Kathleen, who's on your team, she, mentioned Ambitious Kitchen, and that's a great.

Michelle 00:29:51  Yes.

Wendy 00:29:51  You can find someone to follow who has some recipes that maybe aren't the things you always do, but yeah, you know, one thing with me. So there's pre-diabetes. There's diabetes. I'm I'm teetering on the edge of prediabetes. So I'm not even to pre-diabetes yet, but I'm right there on the cusp. So, you know, before this program that would have sent me into a tailspin and I would've been all about the diets, and I've got to do something drastic and it would have backfired like it has on so many people.

Wendy 00:30:23  Right? Yeah. But I feel like this program gave me the tools to where I can look at this as an adventure. And so I'll go through and I'll pull recipes and I'll have fun ordering those groceries and I'll try new things. And that's why I bought bought the flax seed, by the way. So it was a new recipe. And it's delicious.

Michelle 00:30:42  Yay.

Wendy 00:30:42  So, you know, rather than feeling like I have this noose around my neck and this bad thing, I'm really actually having a little fun with it and just trying to do things that make me feel good and where I feel like, I have control versus this is, you know, woe is me and and spinning out of control. So even though I'm having to walk that line and take care of my health, it's not a bad thing. I have opportunities, I have options, and I have the tools and resources that nourish and provided for me to be able to do this. Yeah.

Michelle 00:31:21  Oh, I love that. That's so good.

Michelle 00:31:24  we had I remember we talked at one point about some of the things that had surprised you about this process that you weren't expecting or that you were maybe had reservations about. So I'd love for you to share that whatever you're comfortable with that had surprised you about this process, whether it was about the process itself or your experience going through it or what came out of it. Anything and everything.

Wendy 00:31:47  Yeah. So the biggie for me was the the group setting and the camaraderie. To me, these things are so private. And I think even for those of us who can be more extroverted talking about these things, it's like you just don't talk about it. And I was very hesitant to enter a program with a group setting number one, just because of the taboo of even talking about these things. And number two, I didn't know if I would get the level of attention that I personally needed. And it's like, okay, are they just, you know, doing a cattle call and pushing us through and.

Michelle 00:32:26  So but in some cases that is how it feels. So I think that's a very valid concern. Like a lot of times with group settings you get lost and you become just another number.

Wendy 00:32:36  Well, again, this goes back to your voodoo magic. I think you have a you have a real system worked out. And very quickly I changed my mind and the comfort of finally realizing you're not alone and that other people are on that gerbil wheel or hamster wheel with you. Other people have had those constant food thoughts. other people have had the body image doubts, the, the issues with diet culture or constantly trying to diet or whatever, you know, their, their food situation is. And I know, you know, it runs the gamut from disordered eating to true eating disorders, but you quickly realize that you are not alone. And it's it's kind of like this program's kind of like going into the Marines. You go in as one and you come out and you're kind of sisters in arms, and it's like you have this camaraderie and there is this support.

Wendy 00:33:33  And even after the program, there's several of us who stay in touch on, slack or through Facebook. And we may not talk a lot, but it's just seeing them and knowing we had that shared experience will always have that bond. And during the program, having that constant support and just the empathy that comes with that is just. So that's my biggie. Yeah. With that, I already mentioned just how quickly things start to move. And I think, you know, it's always, you know, that phrase garbage in, garbage out. You get out what you put in. So if you go into this and you're nonchalant and you're like, I'm just going to chop down my money and I'm going to show up and really wait for voodoo magic, right? You can't do that. You have to put a little work in. You have to take effort. You have to participate in the cause. You need to. You know, I know some people aren't as comfortable with slack, but for those of us who did participate and try to support one another, I think we got more out of the program.

Wendy 00:34:35  If you get in your own headspace and you do. I'm not great at journaling in the traditional sense, but I took notes on my phone and every time I was on a group call or, you know, running across something in your social media post that resonated with me, I jot those down and they've become like little mini mantras. I remember somebody going through the program at the same time with me. She would take them and put them on post-it notes and put them on her mirror. I loved that, you know, so you truly get out what you put in. But the program works, and it does work quickly if you are doing the work.

Michelle 00:35:11  Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up, because when people are thinking about joining the natural question, it's like, well, does this like how many or what's your success rate, I guess. And I will never claim to have a 100% success rate because that would be stupid. Everybody knows that. That would be a lie. And at the same time, like when somebody is not successful, that bothers me because like, I don't want people to join and not be successful.

Michelle 00:35:35  So I like dig into it and I try to figure out what went wrong. Yeah. And a lot of the times, if not every time, it's like it kind of what you were mentioning where there's like this, kind of waiting for things to happen to you instead of making moves yourself. And so that's like something that is always so important to me that people understand is like, you can't just come into this and then like, we're not going to fix everything for you while you're just sitting there, right? Like we're giving you tools, but you have to actually pick up the tools and use them yourself. You know, it's like a college course. You're getting education. You get to decide whether you show up for class and you study. That's on you. And then if you do, you're going to ace the test. If not, you're not going to ace. You know what I mean? So at the same time, I'm making it sound like it's super intense. I feel like it's not super intense.

Michelle 00:36:25  I think you can work it into your life pretty easily, but it's it's nice when you do have that camaraderie, because when you are going through something like this, I think it's so easy to just dig yourself into a hole of guilt and shame and embarrassment and like, not want to talk about it and feel like you're alone, which everybody does. So then you do feel like you're alone because nobody's talking about it. So I think it's actually really beautiful, and that's why it's a group project or a group program, because I want people to realize you're not alone. And you do have many people that resonate with you, and you can learn from each other too.

Wendy 00:37:06  That first group call, I was truly mesmerized because the women on that call were so beautiful. Everybody looked different. Some people had straight hair, some had curly hair. You know, some people were older. Some people were younger. they had different accents. They had different smiles. But everybody was just so beautiful. And it's like, here is a group of talented, successful women who have beat the crap out of themselves for years.

Wendy 00:37:36  And it's just like, wow, that's me. You know, I'm successful in my career. I have a good life, I have great friends, I have great family. And yeah, you just beat yourself up and just not reality that, wow, these, these people are so beautiful and successful and fun and likable, but they have the same common problem. So being able to work on that together was really, really cool. And also I will say to you, the money is tough. It's hard to check chuck down money. You know, I think you do a good job of explaining, you know, think about all the things, think all the pizzas you've ordered on the Sunday nights, where you going to get back on the diet wagon on Monday morning? Put it in that perspective or think about the cost to your health. so, you know, my advice on that is the the program is legitimate and it is totally worthwhile. And it is. If you let it be, it will be life changing for you.

Wendy 00:38:42  So if people have concerns about that, I'll help assuage that concern. And then it is hard to, because you're very clear upfront that this isn't a diet program. It's not designed to make you lose weight. I'm a year out. I've not lost weight, but I'm a lot better about the voices in my head. A quick example yesterday I was in yoga and there were only about five of us in there. And you could really see everybody in the mirror in front of you. And I'm looking at myself when I'm twisted in a knot and I'm like, oh my gosh, my middle is this huge. And I caught it and I was like, what does that do for you? Does that help you? You were here. You showed up. You're enjoying yourself. You're doing something you like that is healthy for you, and that has no place here. That thought has no place in your head. And I went back to enjoying the class, you know, and I quit comparing myself to other people in the mirror.

Wendy 00:39:43  And I just enjoyed the class. And that's hard. And that's where the continuing work comes in. Yeah. but you get better. You know, the food thing for me was actually the easy part, and I thought that would be the hard part. The body image is where I continue to work, but I'm set up to be able to catch those things and reframe what I'm saying in my.

Michelle 00:40:05  Head, I love it. Yeah. I think you've given a really good example of of coaching yourself, and that's like, a kind of time back to what you said earlier about this. Yeah. I do always tell you guys like it's not a four month thing and then you're done. Like you're going to this is a foundation. We're spending four months building a foundation so that you can continue on. And a part of that is like, I want you guys to learn how to coach yourselves. I don't want you to continue to rely on the team because that would get really expensive if you had to pay us for the rest of your life.

Michelle 00:40:39  And I don't wish that on you. But also like, how would I be serving you if I made you rely on me? That's not serving you. And so what I want for you guys is to get to a place that a year after you're done, you've been able to coach yourself through a bad body image day or whatever it is, which is like exactly what you're describing. And so, like it just makes me so happy to hear that you are able to handle those moments well. And of course, you have those thoughts come up. Of course you do. Like you're you're a human. And it's not that they're going to go away completely. That would be an unrealistic expectation. But the way you handle it is different and it gets easier and it you move past it quicker and quicker each time it does.

Wendy 00:41:27  It does. And there are times that, you know, I foible for me, I mentioned earlier that preparation really helps me like buying the groceries. So I'm, you know, killing it at home.

Wendy 00:41:39  I'm killing it with, you know, if I go somewhere throwing a snack in my bag, you know, I visited family that they don't eat, you know, on a regular basis, and they may eat really early and then not eat until really, really late.

Michelle 00:41:52  So I cannot fathom.

Wendy 00:41:54  And I, you know, I kind of have a my body goes hungry on schedule.

Michelle 00:41:59  And so yeah, me too. I'm like every three hours like, all right. You know.

Wendy 00:42:02  So I.

Michelle 00:42:03  Just.

Wendy 00:42:03  Throw fruit or, you know, whatever in my bag and I just whip it out. I have no shame in that. And, you know, that makes me feel like I'm in control, So the times that are toughest for me are no longer the work events, the buffets, home, travel. Coming home from travel. The hardest for me is when I'm completely out of control. For instance, if I visit somewhere and they are doing all the menu planning and I don't have access to groceries and snacks would be insulting, and I just have to eat what is before me.

Wendy 00:42:37  And those times are really, really hard. Yeah, but I've learned to just. Okay, do what you can. Do your best here. And this is temporary. And when you get home, you regroup and you get to go back to what would Wendy do? So those are hard. And I have to try really hard to not tailspin on those. But I have that awareness too. So it goes back to what you said about the self coaching. So I may hit a little slump when I'm in that situation. I had that happen over the summer where it was visiting lovely friends, but zero control over menus and that was all.

Michelle 00:43:15  But absolutely.

Wendy 00:43:17  I don't want it to turn into a three week thing. I need it to be the three day thing and then I get back to me.

Michelle 00:43:23  So yeah.

Wendy 00:43:24  It's work, but it does get easier.

Michelle 00:43:26  Do you feel like your. So in the past when you've like, attempted to lose weight? And typically when we are setting out to do that, it's coming from a place of like this will make me happier.

Michelle 00:43:39  To do that, I will finally be happy. I'll finally have like maybe this food noise gone because then I'll be content with my body, yada yada. Do you feel like even though this wasn't a diet program, it wasn't about weight loss? It was about so many other things. Did you get to that place where you achieved that peace and happiness, or something along those lines that you were searching for before, when you would try to lose weight? Does that make sense?

Wendy 00:44:06  Yeah. So if I may, I'm going to read you a post from. This was one of my last posts from the program. This was one from slack, and it was like one of the last couple. For years and years, I prayed for God to give me willpower to get my weight under control, and that's an air quotes to write just fine. Having a good and happy life. I suffered from the if only's, which is what you were just talking about, right? Suffer from the if only's for decades.

Wendy 00:44:34  If only our thinner guys would like me more and I'd get asked on more dates. if only I could get back to X weight, I would be comfortable wearing this or doing that, or going to this event, or vacationing wherever, or even as successful as I've been in my career. You know, there was that component to maybe I'd be more successful. And always it was if I only had the willpower to control what I put in my mouth. But it turns out I was praying all those years for the wrong thing. It was never about the willpower. It was about figuring out what within me was leading to the problems. The story of me that led to the unhealthy dieting, restricting body, blaming negative self-image and fat shaming, emotional eating, bingeing at times and always, always being on that obsessive gerbil wheel of food thoughts and hearing that voice in my head that criticized me for not being able to will power away my problems and become thin. So this is where it turns right? God led me not to willpower, but to a path where I could finally unchain my mind from the shame and negativity and start to work on accepting my body and gaining self-compassion.

Wendy 00:45:42  I look to a future where I don't have to diet. I can eat as I wish. I can check diet culture at the door and let my hunger be my guide. Importantly, I will continue to embrace food and exercise as a normal part of what nourishes my body and breathes my mind.

Michelle 00:46:02  I love that. That's so good. It's a good example of how sometimes what we want is not what we need, and that can be hard to reckon with.

Wendy 00:46:13  Yeah. There's that Garth Brooks song about unanswered prayers. I actually mentioned that in the post but I cut that out of what it was read. But yeah it's kind of true. There's unanswered prayers. Yeah.

Michelle 00:46:24  Yeah. Sometimes it's a no because he's got something better in store.

Wendy 00:46:27  Yeah. And it was never it was never about willpower, which was very liberating to to set yourself free and, and know you weren't a failure. You were just a product of your environment and the position you were put in, and your mind picked up those things that were around you and you were doing the best you could.

Wendy 00:46:46  You know, with my case, my parents were doing the best they could. But you don't have to get trapped in that. You know, you can find a way out and you can find a way that you just feel like this weight is lifted from you.

Michelle 00:47:01  I love it. Thanks for sharing that. Yeah. Any last thoughts or advice or things that you're like. I want somebody that's considering this to know this.

Wendy 00:47:13  Just know that it does work. It is one of the greatest resources that you can invest in for yourself and that you're not alone. And there are so many people who struggle with the same exact problems, and you will find solace in that and success.

Michelle 00:47:34  I appreciate that, Wendy. You have been such a joy for us to watch your journey, and especially just as you were working through everything from your childhood and seeing how your family's impacted your relationship with yourself, it's really it's like so beautiful for us to see working through that and being freed from that and being able to now live your life based on what Wendy would do instead of somebody else or your mom, you know, like that's you are like the picture of being nourished and free now.

Michelle 00:48:15  And that was my desire for you when, you know, we initially started talking, I was like, I don't want you to feel this way. I want you to like, feel that freedom to nourish yourself well and not be a big deal. And you not feel like dragged down by the weight of food, noise and body image distress like you deserve better. And now you. You're there. Thank you.

Wendy 00:48:34  And thank you for the being able to be present with people and go somewhere because you like that place. Or go to an event because you like that event. Or be with these people because you like them. It's not that you didn't enjoy them before, but there was always that clutter. And I do feel more present and more at ease and more like I can really enjoy things or not. You know, there may be things like, I don't want to go do that or I don't want to go eat that now because I'm avoiding it, but because that just doesn't sound fun. It's not like my cup of tea.

Wendy 00:49:12  Yeah, but it gives you that power to control what you're doing and enjoy the things and the people you choose to be around.

Michelle 00:49:21  I love that. Well thanks for coming on. I know you're a busy gal and I mean.

Wendy 00:49:27  One last thing I do want to say is that I was so pleased to see so many people younger than me in the program. The programs for anybody of any age. But don't wait. I wish I would have done something like this 20 years ago. You wouldn't have been doing this 20 years ago, but you know, don't live in that, you know, just with that. Wait. Yeah. If you don't have to and you don't do so, you know, it was just heartening for me to see people going through this program 20 years younger than me because, if only there's my if only, if only I had done this sooner. But I'm so glad I did it when I did.

Michelle 00:50:11  Now you get to enjoy the rest of your life.

Wendy 00:50:13  That's right.

Michelle 00:50:14  That's right. Yeah. Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. Yeah, I, I resonate with that, too. It's something that, like, I feel so grateful that because, I mean, I've gone through a lot of similar things that you're, you've discussed and experienced and it's it's fun for me to see you guys get to a place where you essentially get your life back and all of that buzzing and that, like, it's almost like your life gets blurry because you can't fully be present and focus when that's like, gone. I, I know what that feels like. It's like your world goes from black and white to color, and now you really do get to enjoy things and be a part of things, and you have more agency about yourself, and it's like you can actually reach your full potential, you know, and live your life the way that you really want to. Not just like attempt to live it, but continue to fall short because you've got this like cloud over your head.

Michelle 00:51:08  So it's it's so, so fun to see you guys experience that because it's like something that I've been able to experience myself. And I just want everybody to to know what that's like. That's had the same issues that that we have. Because it's so like, you do not have to live your life constantly thinking about food or your body. You really don't. Yeah, you really don't.

Wendy 00:51:31  Oh dang. Gerbil wheel and bury it in the backyard. Yes.

Michelle 00:51:37  Yes. Well, thank you so much for giving us the gift of your time today. I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate you for sharing this one year later. Doing amazing off the dribble wheel for good, coaching yourself through hard days. You're crushing it.

Wendy 00:51:55  Thank you. Thank you sincerely and I'm happy to be here. And I hope it helps other listeners to sign up and take some steps. Yeah.

Michelle 00:52:05  Well, we will hopefully be hearing from you soon. Yeah, I'll see you.

Wendy 00:52:11  Online.

Michelle 00:52:11  Nosy online.

Wendy 00:52:14  All right.