An episode for when the weight comes back... AGAIN.

If you’ve lost weight before, but it came back... this episode is for you.

Let's break down why weight loss often becomes the common denominator behind dieting burnout, binge–restrict cycles, and feeling out of control around food. Not because weight loss is bad, but because making it the main focus quietly changes how your brain and body respond to food.

I'll talk through how obsessing over the outcome (the scale) clouds judgment, increases pressure, and actually makes consistency harder. You’ll learn why the scale is delayed, ambiguous feedback, and why using it as a daily pass/fail test often backfires and has the opposite effect you're wanting.

This episode walks you through what changes when weight loss stops being the driver, how food decisions get quieter, and why rebuilding trust and safety with food leads to more ease, self-control, and long-term change (with or without weight loss).

If you hate that you say, "It worked, I got the weight off... but then it came back", then this episode offers a mindset shift that could change everything.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Nourished & Free® Group Coaching Program - learn more/apply here

JUMP TO:

• 00:00 Why weight loss keeps turning into a losing–regaining cycle
•  01:39 How the scale quietly starts running your life
•  04:01 The pressure that makes food feel loud and exhausting
•  06:24 The credit score analogy that explains why this feels so hard
•  09:25 Why the scale is terrible daily feedback (and messes with your head)
•  10:40 When weight starts feeling like a measure of your worth
•  13:38 What changes when weight loss isn’t the main focus anymore
•  15:37 “But i still want to lose weight…” let’s talk about that
•  17:05 The foundation that actually quiets food noise
•  19:16 What it feels like when food stops being the main character
•  20:54 The question that changes how you move forward

Transcript

Michelle Yates (00:00)
Let's talk about something uncomfortable, but also kind of freeing. Because if you're listening to this episode, there's a good chance that you've tried to lose weight many times. Not only did you try to, but you did. But it didn't stick. You did weight watchers and the weight came off. But then it came back. You follow the 1200 calorie diet, and you got to your goal weight. But then you found yourself going off plan and ending up right back at square one.

You tried the macro plan and lost the weight again. But then the holidays came around and you just couldn't seem to get back on the wagon. Now you're back at your starting weight, maybe even higher.

And what's wild is that on paper, you are doing a lot of things right. You're tracking, you've cleaned things up, you've focused on protein, you've cut back, started over and pushed harder time and time again. And yet here you are, still thinking about food way more than you wanna be. Still feeling frustrated in your body, still wondering why this feels so hard when other people make it look so easy and are able to just

eat normally. This cycle is so predictable for you that at this point, even your closet has adapted. You have the skinny clothes in your closet for when you lose the weight and clothes for when you gain it back. You know it's inevitable and you're prepared for Today, I want to give you a mindset shift that might be the missing piece you need.

in order to stop living in a constant cycle of losing weight and regaining it.

I want to talk through what all of those attempts have in common and the thread that we need to pull. And that one thing might be quietly sabotaging all of your efforts. And that one thing is focusing on your weight.

Now this episode is not going to be one where I tell you that weight loss is bad or that wanting to lose it makes you shallow or wrong and I'm not going to pretend that there aren't people out there who are able to track calories or macros or watch the scale every day and be perfectly fine. They exist. But here's the fact of the matter. You're listening to this episode which tells me you're not perfectly fine.

and it hasn't been working for you. If that's you, I want to offer up a perspective shift today that might, hopefully, make things a whole lot easier.

If you're new here, my name is Michelle Yates and I'm the host of this show.

I'm a registered dietitian with my master's in health psychology and take a nutrition plus psychology based approach for healing what's going on at the root of your struggles with your relationship with food. Around here, we believe that food should be nourishing, health should be all inclusive and mental sanity around food and your body is just non-negotiable. This is your safe, sometimes sarcastic and science back space to rewire your brain so that you can heal your relationship with food, your body.

and yourself.

Don't forget to let me know that you're listening by tagging me on Instagram @yatesnutrition and leave me a rating or review if you're on Spotify or Apple podcasts

When you do that, it sends a message to the podcast gods and lets them know that this is a show worth listening to and it will recommend it to more people. So if you love this show and you want others to hear it, definitely leave a rating or review. I thank you so much in advance.

Here's the pattern that I see over and over again, especially in high achieving women, is they start with a goal. Like, I just want to feel better in my body. I want to fit into my clothes better and like what I see in the mirror, which is reasonable and human and normal. But very quickly, that goal turns into numbers and rules and timelines and pressure. And now food isn't just food anymore. It's a threat.

and your weight isn't just weight anymore. It's a test. It's a pass or fail one at that. Your body isn't just a body. It's a problem to solve and a box that needs to be checked. And once weight loss is the main objective, everything else becomes conditional and it becomes focused on making that goal come true.

You're doing it right if the scale is moving. You feel motivated if you're being good. You trust yourself only when the food is in your control though. And the moment that something slips like a vacation or stress, hormones, a breakup, a bad day at work, exhaustion, really just real life,

you reach for a snack or a treat to feel better like any normal human does. And your brain doesn't say, okay, let's adjust, no big deal. It says, I just messed up my weight loss journey. And before you can even finish that thought, You've already finished a whole sleeve of Oreos. By that point, the all or nothing thinking kicks in.

And you're saying, well, I already messed up my weight loss goals, so I might as well just enjoy all the foods that I'm not supposed to That is not because you lack discipline, my friend. It's because weight loss has become the North Star of everything for you. And it's deciding your life for you. It is dictating your actions, your feelings,

and the pressure is crushing you.

Okay, this is where I want to give you a different way to look at what's happening because once you see it, it's pretty hard to unsee. And hopefully it's going to make things make sense and connect some dots for So here's the part that most plans or programs or nutritionist coaches, whatever they don't account for. loss becomes the focus.

Your brain is constantly scanning for am I winning? Am I failing? Should I tighten the reins or give up? And that constant evaluation keeps your nervous system on edge. You're in hypervigilance all the time. And I want to explain this using an analogy that actually has nothing to do with food, which I think can be helpful sometimes. Let's think about a credit score. Your credit score is just a number.

that reflects past patterns. It's not a personality trait. It's not a moral judgment, although sometimes it can feel like one. It's just data. Now, imagine someone who doesn't love their credit score. Because of that number, let's be honest, there are real limitations. Maybe higher interest rates, fewer loan options, maybe being told no altogether.

life might look a little bit different for that person than someone else who has a higher credit score. And a lot of people can let that dictate their life. They think, I'm bad with money. This is just how it is for me. Why even try? And they let the patterns continue, therefore their score never truly gets fixed. Or...

they might go in the other direction and obsess over fixing it. They do all the right things and they check their credit score constantly every few days, every week, maybe even every morning. But here's the problem, credit scores don't change in real time. It's not like the stock market where you can see the numbers in real time. So they're doing the right things, they're paying the bills on time now, they're being more intentional, they're...

on top of it. they're doing what's quote unquote right.

And that constant checking becomes incredibly discouraging. Instead of focusing on what habits am I building? Is this sustainable? Am I happy with the other ways this is now impacting my life? Their brain starts asking, why isn't this working yet? Should I be doing something more extreme? Maybe I'm just failing again. And that obsession actually clouds their judgment.

It makes it harder to stay consistent, harder to think long term, and harder to trust the process. And this is where usually a lot of people

because all their focus was on the credit score, they forgot to take a look around and see. Now they're not experiencing as many overdraws. They've been really wise with their finances. They don't have guilt after a spending spree anymore. Because they don't have spending sprees anymore.

Okay, so let's bring this back to weight. This isn't a perfect analogy, but I hope that it helps to illustrate what can happen when weight loss becomes the main focus. It can cloud our judgment and make our perspective too small. The scale is delayed feedback, just like a credit score. And not only is it delayed,

But it's pretty ambiguous feedback. It's just telling you if your pull on gravity is more or less from any given moment. It's not telling you why your pull on gravity is more or less. It reflects patterns over time, not today or yesterday's effort.

We don't know with these small fluctuations, even big fluctuations, what those pounds are made of. Was it three pounds of pure water weight or pure body fat? Realistically, it was probably a little bit of both plus a few other things. The only way we would know is if you are constantly getting a DEXA scan or using a BOD pod, which are the most accurate

machines for measuring body fat versus lean mass versus water. Even the in-home scanners at your local gym aren't accurately measuring all of these little things.

It would be nice if those things were accurate, but then again, do we really need all that information at our fingertips all the time?

Would it really make that big of a difference on your life if you knew how much of your weight was lean mass from one given day to the next? I am all for having a pulse check on your overall health. Get your annuals done with your doctor. Get the screenings. Do the things. is it really necessary to obsess over the numbers every single day? I would argue no.

When it comes to our weight and the number on the scale, we become so conditioned to use it as a source of Or we make it mean something that it doesn't actually mean. We make it mean we're beautiful. We make it mean we're lovable. We make it mean we're successful. That's not actually what that number is telling you. It's just what you've decided it's telling you.

and it makes it hard to see clearly in the moment. When you use it as a daily pass-fail test, it punishes consistency. It makes normal fluctuations feel like failure. It creates urgency where patience is required, and it pushes you towards extremes instead of sustainability, which is why your cravings get louder, the urges feel more urgent,

food feels emotionally charged and normal eating feels weirdly super hard. It's not because you're broken or because you're addicted to food, but because your brain is under a significant amount of pressure. Weight loss attempts often accidentally train your brain to associate food with scarcity, urgency, reward, and rebellion. So even when the plan itself is reasonable, the mental environment might not be for you.

This is why the previous diets they may have backfired because they were actually feeding more into this training of your brain. They were making it worse and they didn't touch those issues. Right? Most people are not asking those deeper questions about what is the impact this is having on my identity.

on my relationship with food, on my relationship with my body. That's why calorie counting makes you want to cry. Moderation feels impossible. Just listening to your body feels chaotic. GLP-1s look super appealing right now, not because of weight loss necessarily. I mean, yeah, but because they quiet the noise. And there's so much noise right now.

It's hard to see clearly. It's hard to live. It's hard to be present. But then again, you might not want to be on a GLP one forever. So now you feel kind of stuck. You don't know where to go from here. And it's all pointing to the same thing. The issue is not that you haven't been able to find enough motivation. Clearly, you really want this, right? Of course you want to feel loved, worthy, successful. Who doesn't?

is that weight loss has been driving the system and demotivating you, making it impossible to access that motivation in the first place. It's putting so much pressure on you. setting every day up to be a pass fail instead of a step along the journey.

Now here's hopefully where things start to shift for you. When weight loss stops being the primary focus, something fascinating happens. The number stops judging your efforts. You finally have the mental space to build consistency. Food decisions get quieter. It's not about being perfect. It's not robotic. Things are just quieter.

You stop asking, will this make me gain weight? Did I mess up? Should I start over tomorrow? Might as well binge tonight. And instead, you start noticing hunger that actually makes sense, fullness that doesn't make you panic, cravings that ultimately pass, and choices that don't feel like this huge high stakes moral decision.

This is the part that people don't expect, which is that when weight loss isn't the goal, self-control actually improves and is a lot easier to access because control doesn't come from restriction, it comes from trust and safety in your body. when you have that, self-control becomes really effortless because it's low stakes.

And from there, we get highly motivated and things get better and better from there instead of things being demotivating and getting worse and worse.

That's why so many of our clients are really shocked when they stop obsessing over weight, right? And we obviously have to support them through that. But when they get there, food doesn't feel like public enemy number one anymore.

Now they're able to have a slice of pizza and move on without it feeling like a moral failure that's open to the floodgates into a week-long binge bender.

But Michelle, still want to lose weight. Okay, yes, yes, yes. I hear you. Let's address the elephant in the room. I realize there's situations where it's from a health perspective that you would want that.

Now I want to be really clear here, not focusing on weight loss, not making weight loss the primary does not mean giving up on your health, pretending body image doesn't matter or even pretending that weight and body fat doesn't matter or

forcing yourself to love your body overnight and be completely obsessed with it and never have a bad body image thought. Rather, it just means that you're not using weight loss as the reason you live anymore and to fix everything else and the North Star of your life. Because when weight loss is the primary focus, you stay stuck in this hypervigilance, this extreme pressure and this start over Monday energy. But when the focus

gently shifts to regulating your nervous system and understanding urges instead of fighting them and rebuilding trust with food and fueling your body in a way that supports you, understanding the deeper layers to your body image, your relationship with food normalizes. And that is the thing that makes long-term change possible. Whether weight changes along with that or not,

is that things are normal now. They don't require you to be on all the time and it works into the life you already have instead of requiring you to be someone that you're not.

This is exactly why the work that we do inside of Nourished and Free looks so different for our clients and why they have results even after struggling with the binge restrict cycle for years, even decades, some of them who have lost and gained the same 20 pounds over and over and over again,

We don't obsess over the score. Heck, we don't even care about the score right now. It's so much easier to focus on the things that impact the score when you have that covered up and it's not staring at you.

in the face all day long. It's not like it's not there. But we can go back to that later. Let's just focus on what we can do to be better. Right?

That will impact the score, obviously, but what matters now is that we change what actually impacts it and do what you have to do to focus clearly on the steps that you're taking and have a good mindset around those things. We don't put our clients on meal plans. We don't micro manage their food choices. We don't ask for progress pictures or for weigh-ins. We don't wake up every day asking,

Did the scale move? Instead, we want to work on the system underneath. We want to address the brain patterns that are making it really hard to take steps forward. The all or nothing thinking, the urge relief cycle, the pressure that makes food feel louder than it needs to be. Because when that changes, the behaviors follow without the forcefulness and the white knuckling. For a lot of our clients, the biggest win isn't weight loss at all. It's thinking about food less.

it's feeling normal around It's trusting themselves again. And it's having mental space for their life because the truth is, there's this point deep in your weight loss journey, where more than weight loss, you just want your life back. Food being on your mind 24 seven is exhausting. And you want to be able to spontaneously go get ice cream without worrying about the calories.

You want to be able to go out with your friends without looking up the menu beforehand. You want to be able to go on the work trip and not worry about you're going to eat while you're there. Or be dreading the binge cycle that's going to start as a result of it.

You want to just have mental space for the things in your life that matter. And at this point, food is feeling like the main character in your life instead of just food.

The reality is, a lot of times weight loss comes later for our clients, if that's what their body needs.

The time that we spend together is more about that foundation work. It's unlearning the things that have been unhelpful for them, relearning things that are important for them, retraining their brain to feel safe, to bring that food noise down. Then we start to have new behaviors. When those behaviors are repeated over time, then later they might see some weight loss again, if that's what their body needs. But some of you listening to this, if you're honest with yourself,

Your body is actually within the realm of being healthy. And you don't actually need weight loss. We just want it because we want relief from the discomfort inside of ourselves. some of you aren't ready for that conversation. And that's okay. You don't need to be right now.

But you do need to think about what do I want to be my primary focus in life? And is that thing going to add to my quality of life or take away from it? If weight loss being your primary focus has been taking away from your quality of life, it might be time to put that on the back burner and shift your focus elsewhere.

So in closing, if past diets and programs and plans have not been working for you, I want you to ask yourself this. Were they focused on losing weight? No matter the method, no matter the packaging of it being quote unquote not a working on macros instead of calories or calories instead of macros or

clean foods versus toxic foods, whatever it was, was it focused on losing weight? Heck, even binge eating programs a lot of times can still be about losing weight. I want you to hear this clearly if you've lost and regained the same weight over and over again. It's not because you failed. It's because weight loss has been given too much weight. No pun intended in your life.

You don't need more rules. You don't need more discipline. You don't need another restart. You need an approach that doesn't make your body feel like a problem to solve. Instead, it's a teammate that you want to support out of appreciation and care and respect. And that's where the real freedom, both mental and physical, really begin. If this is the missing piece that you've been needing, visit the show notes to learn about how Nourished and Free, our four-month group coaching program,

can help you finally break the chains that food has on you and live your life free from the binge restrict cycle and constant thoughts of food.

The overwhelming response of our nourished and free clients is that regardless of losing weight or not, they feel so much better in their body.

their body image or the way that they feel about themselves is four times better than it was when they start working with us, regardless of weight changes. So if you feel like you're in that place where more than losing weight, you just kind of want your life back and you want to feel better about yourself and you want food to feel easy again, definitely recommend checking out our program, Nourished and Free.

I'll put a link to it in the show notes. You know what to do. Go check it out. Apply if you want.

But regardless of if you do want that extra level of support, I hope you found this episode helpful today as you're working on shifting your mindset towards having a healthy relationship with food, your body, and yourself.

Until next time, live nourished and free.