5 reasons I don't watch porn (even when I want to)

5 reasons I don't watch porn (even when I want to)

1. It makes sex about dopamine chasing 
2. Real sex is better and it kills that 
3. Habituation is dog shit 
4. It reinforces a style of sex that I am trying to unlearn
5. It's mostly disembodied consumption for me, and I'm asking what purpose I want sex to serve in my life? 


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Here is what AI says this episode is about: 
Ever wondered why giving up porn could transform your life in ways you never imagined? Join us as we unpack the deeply personal motivations behind choosing real-life intimacy over the fleeting thrill of pornography. Discover how shifting your focus from the pursuit of novelty to genuine, meaningful connection can make your sexual experiences far more fulfilling. By sharing our own journeys, we aim to provide you with insightful reminders to stay on course, highlighting the pitfalls of habituation and the chase for more extreme content that never truly satisfies.

We'll also explore the concept of "disembodied consumption" and how it can lead to a cycle of unfulfilling behaviors. Learn how to distinguish genuine needs from mere boredom and make more conscious decisions about your sexual energy. By redirecting this energy towards real-life experiences and genuine connection, you can foster deeper love and mutual enjoyment with your partner. Don’t miss out on these enlightening reflections and practical tips that lay the groundwork for choosing meaningful intimacy over the empty allure of porn.

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Watch this episode and many more on my Youtube channel! 👀
Instagram/ Braxtongilbert

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:02

Yo, yo yo. What's up? Today's episode, or rather today's video title, is five reasons I don't watch porn, even when I want to. If you are on this journey with me, what is going on, my friend? Hope you're doing well. I hope that you are finding some truth in your experience and I hope that these five reasons that I don't watch porn, even when I want to, are helpful for you. I do want to highlight that I'm not perfect and do not want to come off as if this is a rags to riches story. This is not a. I once was messed up and had personal issues and now I don't, but instead here are the lessons I've learned through wrestling with my own humanity, and these are reminders that I keep close to me so that I don't um lose consciousness of my behaviors. So the five reasons I don't watch porn, even when I want to. Number one it quickly stomps out sexual energy as the goal and instead maintaining a dopamine baseline becomes the goal. Sex becomes fuel for the fire instead of the destination. Sex is no longer the destination, like in the case of sexual energy, but instead sex is used as fuel to experience the end result, which is a heightened dopamine state. All in all, for me in my experience with pornography and addictive behaviors, the experience quickly detaches me from my own sensation of sexuality, the sexual energy that feels as if it's percolating and circulating in my groin and in my body, even up into my heart. That is very useful in the sexual experience. Pornography for me and other behaviors alike very quickly reorient what's important to me to go from being immersed into the fulfillment of that sexual desire, whether that be through orgasm or through connection and sharing love. Sexual energy initially is the prompting, the goal, the interest, the angle here. Prompting the goal, the interest, the angle here. And very quickly, whenever I engage unconsciously in sex behaviors, the goal becomes instead seeking a high in the brain, seeking a heightened state of dopamine in the brain, and so one of the main reasons that I remind myself of when I am thinking about or having more urges in a day is how that experience for me swaps the focus from sexuality and into dopamine, a dopamine behavior that's more so like a consumerism thing. Dopamine behavior that's more so like a consumerism thing. The behavior becomes more focused on trying to experience the novelty and the rush of dopamine of new discovery, than it does the actual fulfillment of sexual desires. Thanks for rocking me on that one, okay.

Speaker 1 3:19

Second reason Real sex is more interesting without it. This one is hard to argue with my experience. Just my interest in sex with my partner grows phenomenally when I'm not engaging in online pornography, and to me that's what really counts. That's what I really want. For me, pornography initially was a substitute for real sex and continued in that and has continued in that thought process even into my adulthood. And now it's not that way anymore. That's not the way I want to organize sex and other options in my life.

Speaker 1 4:18

My real sex is so much more interesting when I'm not watching porn, so much more interesting when I'm not watching porn. Porn may be interesting. Porn may be so exciting and so juicy and engaging in the brain, and it's so much different. It's like I'm not encouraging drug use, but it's like doing cocaine. It's like, wow, it's exciting, new, novel discovery, more, more, more. But it only makes me want more, and real sex feels like a totally different pathway. It feels like a totally different pathway of enjoyment, not pursuit, and so that, to me, is what I think about. I go like man do you want to do this or do you want to save this sexual energy in your body for real sex. And real sex is so much better than fantasizing, projecting yourself into a fake world for the rush of the thrill of imaginative fantasy. So, what you want to do, do you want real sex? Do you want pornography? The answer is pornography. The answer is pornography and the answer is real sex if I'm grounded in what I and and my intention, my conscious behaviors, it's. It's, uh, sex. If I'm not being conscious of my behaviors, it's pornography because, uh, what a freudian slip, right, it's, um, it's the. It's the thing that gives me that fun, exciting, rush, it's the thing that's a little pizzazz, low glitter, on the moment, instantaneously, right now.

Speaker 1 5:59

Okay, the third thing. This one is a big reason that I don't watch pornography. When I roll into Number three, habituation is habituation. Habituation is a bitch. Habituation sucks. The decrease of reward in response to a stimulus, as that stimulus is repeated in very common language. What this means for me is quickly from a treasure cove to nothing is good enough. Pornography for me.

Speaker 1 6:39

When I first found pornography as a kid, everything was overwhelming. Everything was rich with erotic stimulus. Everything was like what am I discovering? This is insane, this is crazy. It was like, you know, the first couple of years of someone with a drug addiction, it's like this is awesome, this is great, this is so good, and eventually it starts not being good enough.

Speaker 1 7:02

And then the type of pornography, the vulgarity, the novelty, the amount of stimulus required to even enjoy the experience or get that same kind of rush increases, increases, increases, until, for me, there's a place that I arrive that I will call rock bottom, where nothing is good enough, nothing scratches the itch, nothing sustains that feeling of novel discovery in the brain. It's all been seen, it's all been done before, there's nothing, and that, to me, is insatiability. It's not fun. And it's not because there's no more sexual content online, it's because what I'm looking for go back to point one is, what I'm looking for is not the expression, the feeling, the release of sexual energy and that path. Instead it's chasing this feeling of anticipation and excitement and discovery and novelty, and there are only so many things you can expose yourself to before you are pretty much tapped out.

Speaker 1 8:07

And then what sucks is there's just a long track of going like well, damn, I'm so far into a, I'm so so far into this perversion that the most graphic, explicit, high-definition, overwhelming material doesn't even exist. Affect my brain. You compare that then to the natural sexual stimuli of sex with your partner, or just the nude body of your partner, and if that doesn't do anything for you, there's no way in hell. That's even something that interests my brain and that is, to me, number three, probably the biggest thing on this list. Yeah, it's pretty much the biggest thing on this list. It's like there is an inevitable, 100% possibility that if you hop on this train, my friend, in the way of unconscious, disembodied consumption for thrill, if you hop on that train, my friend, in the way of unconscious, disembodied consumption for thrill, if you hop on that train of the thrill seeking through sexual activity, inevitably I will end up at the place again where nothing ever is good enough and that will tank. That will tank the real sex in my life and that sucks. That sucks. And it's not the trade-off doesn't work anymore. Because initially, the trade-off is okay, because I'm like, well, I'm getting all this incredible online stimulus and this treasure cove of erotic material, yeah, and I enjoy that until it doesn't work anymore, until the habituation, which is habituation to the habituation H-A-B-I-T-U-A-T-I-O-N, if you want to look it up habituation sets in and then it doesn't work anymore. It's like something like Khalil Rafati.

Speaker 1 10:12

When we had the interview on the podcast. He said like drugs are great until they're not. You know, drugs are great, they are awesome while they work and then it sucks when they stop working. I think about it like a jet pack, a jet pack. If you had a jet pack that just shot you up, it would be so awesome. It would be awesome and awesome and awesome to the moment the jet pack stopped working. And welcome to the fall, my friend. To quote my father, it's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop. So that is the the most important reason, the biggest reason. It's just gone. Yeah, it'll be fun. It'll be fun until you inevitably, as you always do, eat through all of the novel material and you're left with the most potent, most overwhelmingly final boss of online pornography.

Speaker 1 11:09

And you are and I'm dead mentally does nothing for me. And then I've not only ruined my real-life relationships, I've also ruined this thing that I traded it for. Now what do I have? Nothing. I got nothing. So habituation is habituation. So habituation is habituation, maybe everybody, maybe you too.

Speaker 1 12:02

For me, it reinforces pornography, reinforces the idea that sex is about entertainment and self-pleasure. A script that has a shitty end for me. And now I am choosing to engage in sex as a means of connection and love. Watching porn for me reinforces the idea that this sex is what I'm doing right now. Sex, not right now, but through pornography. What I'm doing right now Sex, but not right now, but through pornography. What I'm doing is sex.

Speaker 1 12:24

Right, this is sex. This is what I'm responding to with sexual energy in my body. If it is prompted by sexual energy which, if you've watched any of my videos, then you know that most of the time for me I've found that it's not prompted by sexual energy. It's just the desire for a little pizzazz, little interest in the brain, just like any other addiction, like gambling or shopping or you know that kind of thing. But if it is from you know sexual energy and I'm responding to a need in my body for sex, then I'm I'm subconsciously training my body, to my mind to see that this is sex. Sex is me sitting in front of a screen.

Speaker 1 12:59

Sex is me engaging in something by myself to entertain and self-pleasure myself, and that's all fine and dandy if that works for you, but for me, I followed that trail, that philosophy, far enough, to the point where I go like at the very end of that where sex serves the function of entertaining and pleasuring myself as a solo act, I just can't get no satisfaction. I can't get to what I'm trying to get that high chasing more better, more entertaining, more incredible, more immersive, more. Like I said, habituation is habituation. Like I said, habituation is habituation. It sets in. Nothing's good enough and I'm just relentlessly chasing the next thing for just a small little ration of novelty based dopamine driven. I'm not saying what you should or shouldn't do, or what I should or shouldn't do, or what God says I shouldn't do. What I'm saying is that for me, I am dropping a coin in the jar that says this is sexual behavior. Sexual behavior is engaging in this, and I don't want to teach myself, I don't want to subconsciously tell myself that this is sex. Watching porn and solo behaviors are sex. I want to instead remind myself and encourage myself to see sex as, in fact, fundamentally an act that you do as a method of connection and experiencing love and desire with somebody else, that the fundamental difference is being with somebody else. So that's one of the reasons I don't Number five.

Speaker 1 14:42

Number five Engaging in a behavior without the felt need for it for me, is something I call disembodied consumption. Engaging in a behavior without the felt need for it, for me, is something I call disembodied consumption. Am I horny? Is the first screen, followed by the option of what purpose I want sex to serve in my life. So, disembodied consumption, this is the root of the whole problem, the whole habit, because I don't think that pornography or, you know, sex workers or strip clubs or any kind of sexual indulgence is inherently sticky and an entanglement for suffering.

Speaker 1 15:30

I don't think so. In my experience, it hasn't been. It's been, in fact, my compulsive relationship with it that has been the problem, just like my relationship with food. My relationship with food is healthy and I indulge in food. I have food that is really sugary, really fatty, really high caloric and really delicious from time to time, but I don't have a compulsive relationship with food, and so it's, in my opinion, it's not so much the thing as much as it is the relationship with the thing itself. And so, with that being said, engaging in a behavior like eating or like sex or like you know, I don't know, those two are great examples.

Speaker 1 16:10

Without the need in my body, you know, I want to eat? Am I hungry? Am I bored? I want to watch porn or I want to have sex. Am I horny or am I just bored? Is this just something I want to do? Because you know, I need some entertainment, I need something to do. And for me, for me, for me, that is the kickoff of the suffering game. That's the kickoff of the suffering game when I don't do these things, when I follow the pathway in the brain that goes like, oh, I need something to do, oh, let's do porn, and I just engage in that from not an embodied need, not a desire of sensuality, of sex. When I just follow the pathway of like, oh, we'll do something, let's just go do porn. Like, let's just follow this, I'm bored, I need something to do.

Speaker 1 17:05

It's not a felt need that I'm engaging in a behavior that, again, back to the top, is not even about sexual energy. It's about just the dopamine drip of pursuit and novel discovery and quick reward, and that is what I call disembodied consumption. I don't have a felt need for it sexually, I'm not actually horny, I'm not actually hungry, but I'm engaged in this behavior. I call that disembodied consumption. I don't know if that's a term that's been coined, but that's what I've used in my journal, that's what I've used to write about it. That's what makes sense to me. So I am horny or am I horny?

Speaker 1 17:33

Question mark is the screening question that helps me bring some consciousness to that moment. You know, I'm feeling this urge. I'm feeling this urge to go to my vice. Okay, right, okay cool, let's check in with ourselves. How about it? All right, am I horny right now? Do I feel horny? Do I feel desire for sex? Do I feel a sexual energy moving throughout my body? Do I feel desire in my groin? Do I feel my heart needing connection? Do I feel these things? No, right, maybe the answer is no, no, I just feel. You know, I'm bored. Once my engagement, my brain feels low. I feel low, my kite doesn't have any wind in the sails, whatever, but if I say yes, so if I say no, then it's like I'm not going to engage in that because that's disembodied consumption.

Speaker 1 18:27

Disembodied consumption is the root of suffering in my experience, in my life. Them, because you're going at it for the dopamine experience of the pursuit, and the pursuit never ends, and so the content or the food or the thing you're pursuing continues to get more potent for a more potent discovery or for a more potent rush, and you're chasing dopamine. You're chasing the dopamine and the dopamine is no longer driving you closer to get the reward itself. The dopamine is the reward itself and that sucks. That sucks. Dopamine is no longer the fuel to get you what you need. What you need is more dopamine, and that's a hamster wheel and my horny is a screen.

Speaker 1 18:59

So let's say I say yes and say hey, you know, oh, let's watch some porn. Let's check in for a second. Hey, you know, all right, am I horny right now? Yeah, yeah, I, I can feel that in my body. I can feel the desire building in my body. Okay, cool, hey, we can go watch porn if you want to. You can totally go do that if you want to.

Speaker 1 19:18

Let's ask ourselves what purpose do I want sex, that sexual energy, that potential energy, what do I want that? What purpose do I want sex? To play or to serve, rather, in my life? That's the next question. Okay, are we? Do we actually? Is this a desire? The sexual ping? Oh, let's go do something sexual. Okay, great, is this from? Is this embodied? Is this from a desire in my body? Actually, yeah, yeah, I do feel sexual desire in my body. This is actually an embodied desire here. Okay, great. So what do we want sexual energy to serve in our life? What do we want to position that as in our life?

Exploring the Benefits of Real Sex

Speaker 1 19:56

I talked about this in the last video about sex addiction has nothing to do with sex. What do we want to take this beautiful energy and how do we want to budget it? How do we want to spend it? Do we want to spend it in kind of an entertainment-based, shallow, self-focused, pleasure based situation? We want to budget the sexual energy into pornography, which begins, gets real murky and real sticky for me because of all the other bells and whistles and and siren call to more consumption, et cetera.

Speaker 1 20:27

But regardless, even if it is just a hey, let's just watch one porn video, let's just let's have a mindful experience of pornography, I don't think that's an impossibility. Do we want to do that? Or do we want to spend this budget or spend this resource of sexual energy for, maybe, a purpose that's richer, that's more nourishing, that's more beautiful, that has a higher purpose in our life? And for me at that point I go okay, yeah, this is an embodied need. And actually I do feel I go okay, yeah, this isn't a body need and actually I do feel that I'm learning in my life that sexual energy has a potential to allow me to connect to my partner, to express desire, to feel desired back, to give love and to receive love, that the sexual energy might actually be better used and even to myself, more enjoyably used and more beneficially used and more nourishingly used in a different route than pornography, in real sex.

Speaker 1 21:20

So how about maybe we apply a little bit of effort here instead of just logging on to p-o-r-n-h-u-bcom? We can instead. Why don't we send a message to our lover? Why don't we ask them to let's have some time together tonight? Why don't we send a message to our lover? Why don't we ask them to let's have some time together tonight? Why don't we set up the container of a space that we can express and feel that sexual energy in a experience with another person, which we're beginning to learn, is fundamentally the thing that makes it sex. 21 minutes 47 seconds these are five reasons that I don't watch porn, even when I want to. I hope this video was helpful. I hope you're having a wonderful day and, yeah, I'll catch you next time.