Let's Keep Talking with Braxton Gilbert
Talking with you about how life is healing & growing me!
Let's Keep Talking with Braxton Gilbert
Stop trying to c*m (mindful sex) | Alexey Welsh
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I respect Alexey Welsh so much. This is the second episode we have recorded together about sex. He has a truly eye-opening perspective on sex, and a great course online that I have personally used.
https://www.lovefloweducation.com/ (Alexey's course)
https://www.youtube.com/@AlexeyWelsh (Alexey's YouTube)
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Watch this episode and many more on my Youtube channel! 👀
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Exploring Tantric Sex and Energy Cultivation
Speaker 1Okay, this is a podcast recording one of the first podcasts back after a little bit of time with Alex A Welsh, who I did a podcast with in March of this year after I reached out to him about some of the videos he had on YouTube. That was about sexual energy and circulating sexual energy and love and sex and emotional substances and sex and a lot of great stuff. But that conversation really really helped me a lot in the ways that I relate to sex and some of my own personal healing in sexuality, and so since then we've become friends. I've taken his course online Holistic Sex, which I definitely recommend. Any of his videos on YouTube have become, or a lot of his videos on YouTube have become really great resources for me to continue to really just saturate and new concepts about sexuality. So, uh, if you like this dialogue, highly recommend checking out all of his content. Um, really, really great stuff.
Speaker 1So there are a couple like audio issues with this, but I just went and used my computer audio so it should be pretty smooth. Anyways, thanks for checking it out. Hope you enjoy it. So, uh, the first, first question that I have, and this probably will go off the record I don't know, because I know this isn't really necessarily your public area of expertise, but it's about tantric sex Me and Lauren both when we were in London.
Speaker 1You know that we hung out in London. That was awesome. Me and Lauren both went to a tantric sex festival and it was really cool. It was our first time like really being submersed in the world of Tantra and so it seems kind of slippery of a thing to define. Like when someone says what's Tantric sex, what's Tantra, I kind of just think like mindful sex and mindful approach to living, but also sexually or using sex as a way of like energy cultivation outside of, just like needing to have a release of sorts. But I was curious to know again I know it's not necessarily your public area of expertise on this, but just kind of as a buddy like your what is what is tantric sex and your opinion from what you've gathered about it through the years you can cut out the pauses later, right.
Speaker 1I got you on, man. I think it means you got a good answer coming well.
Speaker 2So I think this is, um, this has become a bunch of different things that people understand in different ways, and tantric sex means different things. It's like quite a broad uh industry, so to speak. Now, like what people understand by tantric sex. Um, I think there will be, uh, there will be people referring to like the authentic sex from Tantra, sexual practice from the tradition of Tantra that is, uh, solely for like doing a spiritual practice, almost like a meditation, that is not about sex at all. It's just like that kind of thing. Well, you know, yeah, and like a ritual almost.
Speaker 2So there will be. There will be some that's got nothing to do with having good sex or enjoying sex at all, so there will be some people referring to it this way. But I think you are right that it has become almost like an adjective, I would say really realistically, like uh movement to take sex out of the physical, basic, kind of mainstream, um, physical normality and explore how we can have sex more consciously, more mindfully, more energy-based, more, I suppose, like in in a more advanced way, energetically. So I think I think you really wanted something there by calling it, you know is it, is it something is it something like?
Speaker 1um.
Speaker 1So I do have a couple questions on this, a couple just things I kind of chewed on.
Speaker 1Is it that there's a potential to have energy practices of the body like qigong and meditation and grounding practices and those types of things, and ultimately a lot of what we're after as feeling beings is, is feelings in our body which is like a byproduct of energy, and that tantric practices, tantric sex, just to like to put it into that specifically, tantric sex is more so about energy, energy cultivation, using the entire body, loving the entire body, involving the entire body in a way that you're giving, receiving love through touch as a way to energize the entire body not excluding genitals, uh, but using genitals as a way of creating more energy in the body. And also that maybe sexual energy itself is just this really strong, potent source of energy and trying to use that, that role, uh, energy, as like a resource to then be able to pull into the body, to circulate it and to energize the body at large, instead of just like running down the river rapid towards you know, orgasm or ejaculation for men.
Speaker 2You know what I'm saying yeah, but what you seem to be saying is are these practices that are existent in tantric sex, rather than what tantric sex is right? So what you seem to be saying is not like tantric sex is doing this particular practice, but what you're saying is this is one of the things that we might be doing in sex that we would call tantric yeah, yeah, I'm more than happy to to rest it on that and to just kind of go into the question with that.
Speaker 1That perspective like is this is this one of the things that's going on in tantric sex that I've that I've accurately captured in my short experience with it using using the entire body, using sex and the things that look like sex as somewhat of the like? An?
Speaker 2uh, you know, wait, wait, wait, you, you, you. Um, you broke up there so I lost you when you said I'm more than happy to jump into the question than I lost you oh, yeah, shoot, okay, um, yeah, just so, yeah.
Speaker 1So I'm more than happy going to the question from that angle. Not like is this tantric sex in a nutshell, but like is this one of the things that's happening in tantric sex? Is this one of the practices? The idea of using the body as a way, as a means of energy cultivation? Uh, through things that appear sexual but maybe have nothing to do with you know, like lust, the biological instinct for reproduction, reproduction, the need for sexual release.
Speaker 2It's more about, like, pulling sexual energy into the body as a potent source of energy to enrich and to enliven and energize the body well, I think, in general terms, when people talk about tantric sex and again, there's a really broad spectrum of you know how people practice tantric sex and how they teach it yeah, uh, I think in general terms, there will be the general idea that, yes, we are uh cultivating sexual energy and channeling it into something. Yeah, what that something is, uh will vary from one school to another, right, so, uh, for in some descriptions it will be like what you say, that it's to uh, to almost use it like a source of vitality, so a life source, so you are kind of filling up for general well-being, for, for, like, your life energy. There will be other schools that might take it further and say that, well, no, that's actually that's supposed to be channeled into, you know, some kind of spiritual transmutation and you know connecting with the divine. So you know, they are kind of also talking about using sexual energy, but in a different way, like for a different purpose. Yeah, so that will all.
Speaker 2That will all vary, yeah, and then there will also be like tantric sex. That will um, be just about. You know, you can, you can last for hours with tantric sex. Yeah, that'll be the purpose of that. You, that exists as well.
Speaker 1Who's the famous guy that was like Prince or somebody?
Misconceptions of Tantra and Energy Work
Speaker 2The famous guy yeah, okay, so this goes off the record, mate. All right, we'll skip it. This goes off the record. Let's skip it. No, no, no, I can tell you off the record. There's just no way that you can put it online, okay, good, but let me tell you off the record. There's just no way that you can put it online. Okay, but let me tell you off the record. The famous guy, the singer yep, that was him well, apparently, apparently.
Speaker 2So. There's been this myth about him like having tantric sex for all these years. Apparently it then turns out that, um, it was just a joke. He came into a pub, his mates were waiting for him or whatever, and and they were like where have you been? You've been ages. He was like I was having tantric sex. Apparently it all kind of went from there. That's really funny, man. There's no way, there's no way, there's no way I could put that public youtube in it. That's funny.
Speaker 1Yeah, all right. So, um, one thing that I, one thing that I heard a few times at the tantric festival uh, that was really interesting was this isn't sexual. That was the phrase that I heard from so many of the, the speakers and some of the teachers. You know, one particular time was during the like, you know, the, the massage portion, where they're involving the genital stimulating the genital stimulating the, the genital stimulating the entire body. But many times the teacher said this is not sexual. What do you make of that?
Speaker 2I have no idea what he meant by that. The thing that he kept saying. Did he explain what he meant by that?
Speaker 1Yeah, they were saying that like they kind of did. What I gathered from it was that the way that they were using sexual, that like, um, they kind of did. What I gathered from it was that, uh, the way that they were using sexual that weekend, I think was more so having to do with like the, the unconscious, biological, like lust, um, like the, I think the maybe it's more so. Like lust is a, is a biologically reproductive instinct of sorts and it's largely unconscious and it just kind of needs release and um and so like. There's there's that experience sexually, there's that as a sexual experience. And then there is attending to the energy of someone's body and and intending to energize their body through touch, through emotional substances, and the intention is to elevate them, to energize them. Not so, not is it to get some type of sexual gratification that begins to gratify, like a feeling in the body. That's more so to do with that lust, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2Well, two aspects to that question and answer. First of all, from what I understand about Tantra, without being an expert on Tantra as a practice, that is the holistic practice of tantra and the spiritual philosophy. There are many schools in it and there are many practices in it and, obviously, like the sexual part has got known, uh, in the west became famous for it, but it's, like you know, a very small percentage of it, right, and there's lots of different things that they do with the energy of the body, with the consciousness, with the rituals that have nothing to do with sex, not even that. You know you're doing it with a naked body but you're just not doing. It's got nothing to do with anything like that at all.
Expanding the Sacred Sexual Experience
Speaker 2Um, so it's like doing yoga or chigon or something not like that. But you know there's lots of uh different things that that happen in tantra that got nothing to do with sex. Now, if um also the the other aspect of it, if he is saying that, well, we are touching the naked body with a particular touch to create sort of a particular feeling or particular energy in it and we are touching the genitals for that, um, but it is not sexual, because uh, sexual is this kind of primitive lust that wants to release, and that's not what we're doing here sure, yeah, that's what I gather then really, well then, really hang on.
Speaker 2A second is this a tantric sexuality workshop or not? Because if it is a tantric sexuality workshop, then we are elevating tantric sexuality from that and we're still calling it sexuality, right. Yeah, so we're not. Just we can't just say that all, all sexuality is just this primitive basic. You know last release. So the whole subject that we're talking about here is that sexuality can be different. So therefore it is sexual, but a different kind of sexual and otherwise.
Speaker 1What we're saying is this is not techno, therefore it is not music yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying man I mean, I think one of the things that I thought was one thing that they said during the festival it was really cool to me was, uh, making something sacred.
Speaker 1One of the ladies there defined making something sacred is infusing it with consciousness, and so essentially, we're going after sacred sexuality here, becoming more conscious in our sexuality. So, yeah, like you, I can see that you wouldn't really want to leave the word sexual behind, but instead enliven it with a slightly different tone that doesn't like lean towards like an unconscious, just primitive need for release, but instead involves that really powerful sexual energy into something that we can aim a little aim, aim at different targets, like you don't have to just aim at coming, aim at ejaculating, aim at just getting release from this. Like, sexual energy doesn't have to be a burden in that regard. It can be a really really potent energy source for you and for your lover or lovers to really marinate in saturate, in saturate, in that type of thing. But it requires you to be able to breathe with it, feel it, and not be absorbed completely by just the instinct of need to release.
Speaker 2Well, it's a completely different practice and it's a completely different feeling, and it's a completely different feeling. So the quality of sexual energy becomes different, um, and it's a bit like we you broke up when you started saying that.
Speaker 2Say that one more time, but the so, so the uh, it's a completely different practice when we not the tantric sex specifically. We're not talking about that, we're just talking about the potential. Let's just kind of clarify we're not talking about, like you know, specifically tantric sex. I'm not advertising tantric sex but, um, if we are talking about a more mindful, conscious practice of sex whatever we want to call it more energy-based practice of sex, yeah, generically, which, just to clarify, sort of tantric sex has become almost like a synonym for yeah, so we but you know, we shouldn't really affiliate it, like that's my belief we shouldn't affiliate it with any culture. If we are taking it further, if we're developing sexuality further than what we are inevitably going to go into, what we are inevitably going to go into, right, we're back. Yeah, yep, we're back. What we are inevitably, what we're inevitably going to go into, is that we're going to expand our experience into new kinds of sexual that we haven't felt before, and because we haven't felt it before, we haven't labeled it sexual.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2So, like, like coming back to my previous example, if you've only been listening to techno, then for you techno is music. So you're feeling this and you're saying, oh, this doesn't feel sexual. Well, no, it is sexual, just the sexual that you haven't experienced before, because you were only experiencing this particular kind yeah and we even have.
Speaker 2Like this even happens in the moment of sex, and I think this is a really, really important practical thing for everybody to do. Like you know, be aware that you have this like interpreter in your head. You're feeling sex, something's happening, and you're like am I excited or not? Am I sexual or not? Oh, this is not working for me. This is not sexual Because it's not sexual.
Speaker 2Back, yeah, we're back because it's not sexual. Back, yeah, we're back, because it's not the sexual that I felt before. So therefore it's not sexual. And then there's no growth mindset. We can't get out of this. So it kind of like takes off. It takes taking off like almost like not using the word sexual, yeah, and say, well, look, I'm going to not look for the sexual feeling here, but I'm going to look just for feelings of maybe it's energy, maybe it's nourishment, maybe it's, like you know, some kind of enrichment, some kind of happiness in my body, maybe like. I'm going to look for new feelings here, yeah, but actually all those feelings are the spectrum of sexual energy that you haven't felt before. It's just you haven't labeled them this way yet yep, I can get down with that man.
Speaker 1That feels really true but what is not?
Speaker 2what good, what is not helpful here um is what you were told. That is not helpful yeah, it's not helpful to say this is not sexual, because then how are we going to develop a better practice of sex if we are never going to start calling this sexual? Yeah, 100.
Speaker 1I can 100 agree with that man and I appreciate your perspective on that. That's really helpful. Um, another thing that I picked up from that festival was, um, the idea of, like, aiming with sexuality. You know that the sexual experience follows the aim. What you're aiming for, and uh, like a couple different options in my head is like, if you aim to come, if you aim to love, if you aim to access bliss through sexual union, you know, like to you and your experience, bro, how, how important of a tool is intention with, with opening up the sexual experience, to finding those new experience uh, I think it's very important.
Speaker 2Yeah, I think, I think I think it's um, it's not, like you said, a goal that I want. It's not like shopping I want a particular thing but I think it's more like it's respect and it's understanding the significance and the importance of something and reminding yourself why this is special and why this is important and why this is sacred in a way. If you want to use that word, I mean I don't normally use it, but it can be word, I mean I don't normally use it, but it can be um. So, uh, I think, like the clarification for yourself what this experience is about before you go into it, it really helps you to create it.
Speaker 2Otherwise you kind of aimlessly, you just don't like. It's like otherwise you're on social media, whatever engages you, like there's no purpose to it. So, uh, I like to set like down to Earth purpose to sex. Oh, you know, like, if we see it as basically an experience, it's like a, it's like a special dimension that we go into, like a special garden, a special space where we go there, because it is a very nourishing, enriching experience, because we fill up with some kind of energy, sexual energy usually. But you know, now we're expanding the definition of it. Uh, love, it's an experience of love that feeds us the experience of connection, so that's a really nice purpose to it. And then, if you keep that purpose in mind, then, uh, it's almost like whatever else happened in sex doesn't matter, as long as you felt that. And then there is freedom, flexibility, and there's no like you know, this, this and this needs to be done. Why does it need to be done if you can get all that without doing this?
Speaker 1yeah, I mean after our, after our last conversation. Man, sorry if you had more to say, go for it no, no, no after our last conversation, um, I really began seeing what said.
Speaker 1That was in march. That was in march this year, I think. Uh, I really I started to pay a lot more attention to the emotional, what I was bringing to the sex emotionally and what I was showing up to sex to receive emotionally. And I started to. The first thing I started to do was just think about how much I loved my partner when I was with her and just how much I, not like when we're still together, but like when we were together sexually, just like really paying attention to how much I loved her, the feelings that I had towards her, and which was different from just kind of the trying to have sex to get off kind of thing.
Exploring Energy in Tantric Sex
Speaker 1And it was interesting, man, because the more and more I did that, what ended up happening one particular time or two, two particular times, was a totally different style of pleasure in my body. That was more like centrally located towards my heart and it felt really really good. But it really wasn't sensory, like skin level sensory, if that makes sense. It was really really miraculous, man, like we had a really beautiful sexual experience twice together, just with that intention, that really like to use your words like they really nourished us on an on a totally different level, on the emotional level. So that's been, that has that experience itself. And then the, the tantric uh festival, has really began to like lend itself in my mind to the importance of like you know, what do you? What are you here to get? What are you here to? What's your intention with this experience?
Speaker 2you know what I mean well, you know, for me, um, I think it's very beautiful that that you kind of you, you are moving through all these places and you have done, um, I think, sort of, and even something that can kind of bring in even more is, if you like, if we can simplify this intention and we can say, well, I'm here to be with this energy, to fill up with this energy and to, uh, kind of experience this energy, take it into myself, and that's so broad, but at the same time, it's specific, because love is energy, but you don't want to reduce it only to love, it's only about love. You know, um, every sensation there is energy. All the genital sensation you get from it is energy. And love is energy. And even the, the feeling of connectedness, uh, is a very mysterious energy. You know, we can be there literally in stillness, feeling connected, and then you're feeling like, wow, you're really buzzing from it.
Speaker 2You know so, um, if you, if you, um, if you just see it as, basically, I don't know what this energy is going to be today, but I know that there's like it's a place of beautiful energy. I don't know what this energy is going to be today, but I know that there's like it's a place of beautiful energy. I don't know what it's going to be like, and then you're really free and flexible and, as long as you're feeling some kind of interesting energy, you can really explore the different kinds of it. Sometimes it'll be more intense, sometimes it'll be more subtle. That might kind of take you to some really interesting dimensions.
Speaker 2You know, mind states of consciousness, if you kind of like keep connecting with it this way, it's almost like kind of like a fabric of that, yeah, of that of that space. Does that make sense? And and like I know that, especially like what you might have seen, uh, already, I don't know, um, maybe like in some references in tantric sex about, uh, it's mostly about like channeling, uh, genital energy, right. So like you're feeling something, instead of coming you're lifting it up into yourself, right, but that, but that is not, but that is like not the full picture.
Speaker 2You can do that, but everything is energy, like you're a whole sponge yes, you're a whole sponge like I'm there, flowing into you through your face. So there's two different through your hand.
Speaker 1So there's two different ways to go about it. Then, yeah, I'm not the expert here, I'm a student who's learning this stuff, brand new at it and really enjoying my journey so far. But, like, I see two really valuable perspectives there. Like, one is to see the genitals as, like you know, a place that is really really um, sensitive and rich with energy and has a lot of pleasure going on through it. And then to intend to see if you can't relax and bring that energy into your body through intention, like just breathe and relax, and maybe the more you breathe you can circulate it more. Relax your shoulders a little bit, maybe roll your head around, you know, stretch and intend to circulate it. That's one option. And then the other option would be to to like one thing that's really helpful to me is to see my entire body as a penis. Just think about my entire body as my sexual instrument instead of just, you know, this giant thing that I drag around all the time.
Speaker 2What I didn't think. You said that at first, but then I realized that is exactly what you said but those two different.
Speaker 1Like I've enjoyed, I enjoyed, I've enjoyed more so, personally, I've used more so the idea of like circulating energy from from the genitals. But I also see a lot, of, a lot of value in what you're talking about playing with it from just a like, you know, just enjoy the touch on your arm, enjoy the feeling of the body, enjoy the aromas in the room and like all of the senses, not just looking to your genitals as the input source for energy it's not just enjoyment, it is like your whole body is a very live space.
Speaker 2So if you stop making everything about the penis and seeing yourself as a penis, because you're not a penis- Damn, I've been caught a dick though I'm sure of that, when you get caught a dick.
Speaker 1It can be like a slingshot in the tantric practice. There you go.
Speaker 2Channel your dickness. See your body as a space. It's a whole space. You're in that space and there's lots of things flowing into it. Try to perceive all these different things. They can be more you know, they can be more specific so you can, like, you can really feel a sensation in your space like a sound, but then there's things that you couldn't describe, that are appearing there like a hum or like a flow or like fumes, almost. So it's difficult to describe. So your system is very sensitive. It's everywhere. At this level, we are having sex, not just with an organ, but you are having sex as a person, as a person. You are everywhere having sex, not just with an organ, but, like, you are having sex as a person, as a person, you are everywhere.
Speaker 2Um, so I see the genital energy as basically like a subtype of energy in your body. Yeah, so obviously it's very clear, it's very strong, everybody feels it, you can Channel it. When you channel it, you can really feel how it flows through your body. So there's all that, but, um, it's, it's like it's a particular kind of energy that you engage and you do things with it. And then there's other kinds of energy in your body.
Speaker 2Um, because it's also like, if you broaden your mind from evaluating sexual energy by intensity, that's a really interesting exercise because we're quite used to, okay, bigger sensation means better. It's like louder music is not better. You know lots of different kinds of music, so, um, you will find interesting things like if you start thinking about sexual energy not just like the more intense it is the better, but the more I don't know the more blissful it is, the better. You know, the more kind of hype you're beautiful or nourishing it feels, the better, then you'll find that, you know, sometimes you can feel sexual energy that is actually quite calm, so quite, quite, quite like, quite subtle, but it gives you really amazing energetic experiences, energetic experiences that are really kind of opening you up and making you um kind of buzz and everything but like from something really subtle. And then we discover that you could be, uh, holding your naked bodies with a particular kind of consciousness in it, without movement, without using the genitals, and you're gonna get amazing sex from it.
Speaker 1So it's not just touching, it's completely on par with genital sex you said it's not just, it's not touching, but it's on par with general sex. What do you mean?
Speaker 2well, I was referring to your use of language when you're saying, okay, I can feel like sexual energy in the gentles, but you can also enjoy. You can also enjoy just touching and stuff, and I'm saying, well, no, that there's like a lot of sexual energy there of a different kind. So it's not just, you know, enjoying some sensual touch.
Speaker 1Yeah, you know um, and that hops down to a question that I had towards the end of this, but it's relevant right now. You made a video recently about sex without erections, and can you talk more about how the sexual energy that is happening there that isn't from the genitals Is that what's going on? It is from the genitals, is that what's?
Speaker 2going on. It is from the genitals, just the genitals are in a different state of energy.
Speaker 1That's what I thought I didn't know if it was in a different direction. So totally understand that. Okay, let's bring it back.
Speaker 2No, we can talk about that.
Speaker 1Yeah, well, it's not particularly intriguing to me at this moment, just because I thought we were going a slightly different direction with that conversation. So we'll pin it for the end okay, yeah, so okay, this is really cool man. So far in my experience I've been focusing daily with doing breath work and being really mindful, even with self-pleasure practice, and being really mindful, even with self-pleasure practice and in partner sex, of feeling not intensity but feeling sensitivity and really being able to feel all the spectrum of sensations, and just not aiming to come, not aiming to have an ejaculatory organ.
Speaker 1Just how do I feel in my body? Um, but still I've been within the paradigm primarily of like bringing in energy through the genitals, circulating it into my body, relaxing as a response to sexual stimulation, sexual imagery, eroticism, that thing. But this is a slightly different perspective and I really appreciate it. The idea of like really, really not seeing sexual energy as only from the genitals, but sexual energy as a, as, a, as a space that you're in, like that garden you talk about, and just being able to like, really sense the energy in the entire body. That's really helpful. I really appreciate that. The energy in the entire body.
Speaker 2That's really helpful. I really appreciate that Great. Well, everything you're doing like what you've been doing is fantastic as a part of the picture. Yeah, that's exactly what I would also recommend. So, with the genital energy, that's a good way of doing it. Yeah, but then there's just like the other aspects of energy in your body as well.
Speaker 1Okay, so what do you think about this One thing that I feel like I've? Okay, well, let me just ask this Is the ejaculation response, like a response to a threshold of sorts of the body or the groin's ability to maintain or to hold, like the system's ability to hold a certain amount of of stimulation or or energy, and that's something that can be, like you know, expanded, redirected. You know what I'm saying is like. Is that, is that what that's going? Is that what? Is that what that is? And your perspective and your experience?
Expanding Sexual Energy and Experience
Speaker 2are you asking uh, can you sort of train yourself through these practices to uh kind of uh of raise that threshold? Yeah, certainly, yeah, basically, you want to imagine it as like as a pressure cooker that is there and if you open the valve, so the channeling uh that you are doing through your body, like when you're spreading that energy through your body, so as soon as it is generated, it is spreading. So therefore, a lot more of it can be generated because it's flowing into you and it's not just compressing there. So, yeah, absolutely, with this practice, you're really extending that. You, you're expanding it.
Speaker 1Yeah, the most remarkable moments for me in my own practice so far has been like degrees of sexual energy and I appreciate the broadening from intensity, but I'll keep it to intensity just for this particular conversation or this particular moment. That's been my experience, the intensity of certain sensations, very pleasurable and I could, I could feel through the consciousness of my breath, like, through really staying relaxed into my breathing and to feeling and not like leaving kind of the centered sense and self to go after the pleasure. I felt myself kind of like start to. I felt myself boogie board, you know, over the wave a few times like and been like Whoa that one would have normally knocked me off and been like the end. But I was able to really flow over that because of the like, the sense of relaxation in my body and the committedness to like staying centered in myself. You know that's pretty cool stuff, man, very, very in myself. You know that's pretty cool stuff, man, very, very.
Speaker 1And I think what's really cool about this man that a lot of people like myself made the error in thinking for a long time was like, obviously like like experiencing sex. The beauty of the sexual energy is great and not necessarily trying to like last longer to be a sexual gladiator and be a performer, but lasting longer in the sense of like, really enjoying and nourishing and experiencing sex for as long as you'd like to like to enjoy it. And so the idea of like not coming early in my mind was always about reducing sensation. Like you know, I wish I didn't feel so much, I wish I had a number penis so that that way I could just keep having sex and not. And so I always thought that like. But now there's a whole different thought process that's become apparent to me. That's like you can have as much sensation as you like and, matter of fact, maybe as much as you're able to tolerate through nervous system conditioning.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think that's what happens in um with men in a tantric practice or in any kind of conscious sex practice, in the kind of sex that I teach as well. What happens is the more you activate your whole sexual system beyond the penis, the more your congestion and your tension in the penis is released, removed, so it's like you are a lot less reactive in the penis to those things, so you can enjoy it. But the whole system then absorbs it because your whole sexual attention or sexual presence I don't know what you want to call it is spread everywhere now, so it's not compressing it so much. Yeah, you know so that's what, that's what you're experienced that that naturally immediately has that natural effect of extending sort of what you like, how long you can be um, uh, in the industry.
Speaker 1And a side note for anyone who's listening to this and going like that sounds very interesting. What's like an easy way in. I've just felt like the intention makes the difference, just like intending to feel really good in my penis to ejaculate versus intending just to enjoy sensation and see if I can't just feel it more broadly, expand more broadly to my body.
Speaker 2It's really helpful for me that's exactly it yeah do you want me to comment on that? Um, so I think that's the missing piece. Well, you're gonna have to cut this out because that sounded like this. That's the missing piece. You're going to have to cut this out because that sounded like piss it's the missing piss sometimes I still kind of mess up my vowels in.
Speaker 2English, just like their own vowel, the missing piece in all the um, like all this, like lasting longer training, uh, I find a lot of the time guys are taught to last longer and it's always about, uh, like you know how to train your dick, how to stop your dick, how to you know? You know lay off, do the breathing, but like they're practically never explained why, why you're lasting longer, you know, because that just makes everything come together and that actually makes everything really natural, really easy. But sometimes guys think lasting longer to satisfy the woman that's still not good enough. Like I still perform it?
Speaker 1Yeah, certainly.
Speaker 2Why are you lasting longer? Yeah, why are you lasting longer? Well, you're lasting longer because this sexual energy is for you to be nourished by, it's for you to be enriched by. You're interested in making it last longer because you're going to get more of this energy. You know making it last longer because you're going to get more of this energy. You know that's, that's it. Um, and then? What? That? What happens then?
Speaker 2Uh, as long as you kind of clock on to the intention, like you said, that is the intention the tension is like I want to fill up with this energy. Then there is a technique that you're using, like you know the way you're channeling it and all of that. But the intention is that, like, I want to fill up with this energy. Once you click onto that, the lasting longer becomes so much more easy because it all makes sense to you. You're like, well, of course I don't want to come, because I want to keep it going. So everything in you realigns with letting it go into you and keeping it away from the ejaculation. So the purpose needs to be there.
Speaker 1Okay, I'm mentioning that man because one option of lasting longer is, like just trying not to ejaculate. You know, just try not to come, like the whole time. Just, you know, grit your teeth and you know like, breathe, breathe really deeply, and like you know, like, stay in there. Buddy, you know that versus what you're talking about is totally different. Like, uh, but the the thing that still arises in my head, man, is like how is it really just broadening the intention that then, like allows you to access a different experience with sexuality? Because if you are just thinking ejaculation, a jack come or not, come, like from a man's perspective, ejaculate or not ejaculate if you're just thinking about that, it kind of feels like a battle the entire time. But you're saying that you could use technique, techniques like read the perverse kegels, or kegels or grounding and da, da, da, da.
Speaker 2But instead, matter of fact, bro, just just really pay attention to a broader spectrum of experience and you'll find yourself maybe not going to the pitfall of just like ejaculation, yeah yeah, you know, I don't know if, like, we're talking about the same thing, but a while ago I released a video quite a while ago now about um was some called something like um, the advanced level of, uh, not ejaculating? The point I was trying to make in that video is that, like you gotta stop obsessing with not ejaculating. In the same way as you are, you stop obsessing with ejaculating, like this whole. Like when you say, oh, it's a battle, it's not a battle, it's the same thing. You're just putting plus and minus on it, but all you're thinking about is ejaculating or not.
Speaker 2Like you've got to understand this is completely not what's happening here. You're not trying to not ejaculate and you're not trying to have a non-ejaculatory orgasm. That's something that's you know. Like men can experience a non-ejaculation orgasm, orgasmic experience. We kind of completely here review what we understand by the word orgasmicity. To start with, just like we are redefining sexual, we are redefining orgasmicity. But yeah, there's a little note that goes on the list there.
Speaker 1I'm gonna sell this. I'm gonna sell this behind a paywall. This is going behind a paywall. Sign up now. 99 dollars.
Speaker 2You can, you can live, you can leave this joke, um. So the um like I, I feel like in a way it's expanding men's understanding of sex, but in a way it is not liberating them enough. It's kind of like transferring them from one cage to another in a way. Sometimes, uh, now they're all obsessing about this. Now they're how do I get the non-jaculation orgasm? What's the technique for non-jaculation orgasm? Like? What's going to change from it? Because if you just focus on sexual energy flowing into you, if that is what you actually connect with, if you realize that ultimately it is not about ejaculating, not ejaculating, it's just about you experiencing the flow of sexual energy, that's your ultimate freedom. That's when you're ultimately free in sex. You can do whatever you want for as long as you want, and it starts from the first moment, then all these things will come. All these orgasmic experiences will come and different experiences will come. But obsessing with this like this is my next goal to have a non-ejaculation orgasm creates the same obsession as before.
Speaker 2And another thing that is not harmful about this practice but it's limiting for men about like this obsessive focus on this um is that it's always about like the end experience, the end moment, there's always like some kind of kegel. You turn on here, uh, some kind of technique. You do here. It's all about, like you know, reaching almost, almost almost to the to the orgasm and then like doing something about it to create some kind of technique. You do here. It's all about, like you know, reaching almost, almost almost to the to the orgasm and then like doing something about it to create some kind of like you know orgasm experience. Um, and everybody's like always agonizing over, like, how well they're doing this and you know, the, the technique working, not working. Um, it's all still about just that one part of sex. It's like everything before didn't matter you know what do you mean?
Speaker 2everything before didn't matter. So if instead, well, like it's all about getting to that high point of intensity and then trying to do something there to have some kind of non-ejaculation orgasm? Like redirecting the energy up the body or something like that.
Speaker 2Yeah, well, it needs to be there at 9.5 or whatever to be considered, like you know, an orgasmic experience, right? So it's almost like we're not conversing at all about everything that happens before. Well, no, we are conversing before about, like, how to just edge and, uh, how to be. It's all like a prep work, you know. It's all like, um, it's all a groundwork you're putting in. Where is the lovemaking? Okay, and you're actually with the woman already in the vagina from the first moment. But let me just kind of like explain this you're already with the woman, uh, in the vagina from the first moment. There's already energy flowing. There's already like amazing energy flowing there from the first moment. And when you're building up, it's already flowing and you don't need to be at 9.5, you can be at 9 comfortably, you can be at 8.5 comfortably and get loads and loads of amazing energy from it. So this whole kind of obsession with that one moment doesn't need to happen yeah, I understand it to the best of my abilities right now.
Speaker 1Um, okay, so let me get your thoughts on this then. The way I've thought about this so far is that no-transcript has having love as the aim, but, like the ability to not just like come in three minutes is a prerequisite of sorts of that. Is that? Is that from from what you see? Is that a helpful way to break it up? Are you saying that that is? That's still like being too ejaculation focused, like instead, just wipe the desk clean and start from a totally different view of sex your ability to be, to be making love to your woman and experiencing energy for as long as you want, last longer.
Speaker 2Everything has nothing to do with your ability to have non-ejaculation orgasmic experience but doesn't it have?
Speaker 1that is just something to do with your ability not to ejaculate or have some degree of ex, because a lot of like a lot of guys do ejaculate quickly. I'm not saying that I'm not. Sometimes I'll be super sensitive and and feel like I can ejaculate quickly. I'm not saying that I'm not. Sometimes I'll be super sensitive and feel like I can ejaculate very, very quickly. Other times I'm not. But some people some people legitimately, every time they have sex, are like I come in a minute, you know, and like I can't have, I don't, I feel like I can't control it. So isn't for some people like that's a prerequisite? Hey, let's find we need to get past. We need to get past that so that then we can begin to access some of these different dimensions of the sexual experience.
Speaker 2Yeah, so are we talking about just lasting longer, then, like let's, let's, let's kind of clarify, it's not talking about lasting longer.
Improving Sexual Experience Through Energy
Speaker 1It's like it almost is like the, the, the um. Premature ejaculation is like the bottleneck for their sexual experience becoming wider. They can't, you know like, it's just like it happens. It stops the, it stops the experience at 60 seconds and regardless, and so they're not able to really. Of course they could, like, set the intention on saturating and sexual energy and love and bliss and and all those wonderful energies, but still it's at one minute they're out because the, the bottleneck is the ejaculation response they have no ability to control. Or are you saying that if they really were going into it with the proper mindset of, like, focusing on the energies, focusing on the sensitivity, you know that then they would actually find that they could remain in that space as long as they want?
Speaker 2what I am saying is that all of this obviously needs a resolution and needs improvement. Premature ejaculation, lasting longer, being able to go for longer in sex, but having some kind of non-ejaculation orgasmic experience is not the tool that provides that improvement. It is. It is the improvement is required in order for you to even start exploring those experiences and what would be the first you need specifically?
Speaker 2well, well, what what you're talking about, which is, you know, getting rid of premature ejaculation or lasting longer, like you, unless you already have solved this, you can't even start exploring, like you know, uh, exploring non-ejaculation orgasmic experiences is not like the thing you would start doing to remove your premature ejaculation. It is something that you would start practicing or exploring once you have built up the capacity to already to last longer.
Speaker 1You see what I mean yeah, so in your mind, premature ejaculation as a like, a symptom of whatnot or a problem, is downstream from the overall intention for sexual experience. Instead of it being like the the, it's upstream, like the. Premature ejaculation limits your, your time in the classroom, so to speak. Right?
Speaker 2premature ejaculation generally is very different from, uh, trying to last longer like it's basically. It's basically a condition. It's not like we can't yeah, we can't address it, like you know. I just want to last longer. No, I have premature ejaculation. That's got a totally different kind of core core problem okay.
Speaker 1so I guess what I'm talking about is like whenever you're having sex and if someone feels like they, they can't not eject, like they're, they're focused on trying not to ejaculate and that's a consuming most of their attention for the five minutes or, you know, 10 minutes or having sex that at that point, like they're not, maybe it's not premature ejaculation, maybe it's just like ejaculation obsession or something like you're just your mind's thinking so much about coming or not coming. And the way to like broaden your sexual experience is not to like learn how to like not come or learn how to circulate the energy, but instead entering the sexual space with a with a much different intention more broadly to give, to receive love, sensation, very, you know, even the smallest and most blissful sensations, yeah no, no, no, no, it's all.
Speaker 2No, no. Uh, so no, no. Um, all the things you're saying are useful. So learning to manage your sexual energy, learning to manage your levels, learning to circulate it, they're all tools to last longer. That's exactly the tools that you would be using, not the non ejaculation orgasm, but these are the tools that would you.
Speaker 2You would be using and then these are the tools that might allow you, these are the tools that might allow you to have an orgasmic experience, but first it'd be last longer and then you might explore an orgasmic experience, you know, but orgasmic experience is not like men think sometimes. Or you know, a common 60 seconds.
Speaker 1If I learn to have an orgasm without ejaculation, I can last yeah, yeah, I'm not thinking that I get what you're, I get what you're saying, that ultimately, the practices are about energy movement in the body, like circulation. That's really the practice. You might end up having a non-injected to orgasm. But if you can do that, then you know, lasting long is not no longer an issue because you're circulating yeah, yeah, well, you know there's, there's a bunch of components to lasting longer.
Speaker 2You know it's a sort of a kind of a multi-tool, right? So there's a, there's a. Circulating energy is important, um, the um, kind of presence in your body, developing the sensitivity in your body, channeling your sexual energy. Recognize, like you know, practicing with your levels is what every man has to do is just to kind of train your levels, train your awareness of your levels.
Speaker 1Quick question there, uh, on the sensitivity, like presence in the body. Sensitivity is um developing sensitivity, an important part of being able to experience the sexual experience more broadly. Because maybe most, maybe a lot of people are desensitized because of just jerking the chicken and watching internet pornography endlessly and so like the only level of sexual stimulation that they can even register is like such an intense experience that it's so directly linked to like ejaculation, like edging for three hours, is the only sexual experience they have.
Speaker 1So the broad spectrum of really really pleasurable sensations that happen before ejaculation are not even registered because of desensitization.
Speaker 2Yeah, yep, yeah, that can totally happen. Yeah, and it's it, and it's a dead-end scenario.
Understanding Male Sexuality and Sexual Energy
Speaker 1So you know, I'd be like everybody should be careful about getting that way yeah, I think not to interrupt you're saying, man, but I think that's probably a really helpful thing for people who are a little bit more on my shoes and the beginning practice of this that, like you know, being able to like last longer often might be a developing sensitivities thing, because the only thing you're able to feel is that like really sharp, like exciting experience pre-ejaculation, but there's a whole host of experiences before. So, anyways, really helpful stuff, man. But back to the multi multi-tool.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah that's a good point. No, but that's yeah, that's a good point. No, but that's a good point. That's a good point, and I think all sensitivity can be developed. You know, you just need to apply yourself.
Speaker 1Man, that's some cool stuff, man bro.
Speaker 2Well, I mean, it's just like neuroplasticity, isn't it? I mean, that's just. You know, you, you can grow your nerves, basically metaphorically speaking, not literally speaking, but you can, you can, you can learn to feel things in your body, for sure uh, you were saying that the multi-tool that's that's able to last, that you used to able to last longer presence sensitivity, and then I interrupted you.
Speaker 2Maybe we can pick it back up right there well, I'm not going to, I'm not going to describe the full suite, but, uh, there are. There are different kind of like, there are different areas to last and longer. It's not just like one thing, I'm gonna do this one thing, yeah, and um, uh, you know, with this one thing, I'm gonna last longer. Um, there are sort of different components to it. Uh, the channeling your sexual energy is important, uh, but also, like you know, just training your levels, getting awareness of your levels and knowing what to do with them, because you're going to do something with them. Uh, a lot of it, a lot of it has to do with, uh, the way you're having sex and the technique you're using in sex, or how men are going through arousal for themselves. You know how men are moving in penetration, so that changes a lot your ability to last longer. Maybe what you're doing is not good for the woman.
Speaker 2It makes you come too soon, like it's not for anybody you know no one wants it and, like you know, everybody's suffering from it. Um, the um. You know there are lots of different kind of like hacks and uh workarounds. Like you don't need to be hammering for 20 minutes or training yourself to hammer for one hour because she doesn't want that either. You know, um, there's, there's. You know we sometimes, like you, don't need to train yourself to be um, this performative machine, because the woman doesn't want it anyway and what she actually wants, how you want, how she wants you to make love to her. Really that's going to make you feel amazing. Is the stuff that is not so overstimulating for you, lets you relax more and doesn't, you know, create so much um pressure for to come. Like you automatically are doing things to your body that help you to last In the whole complex of like the intercourse.
Speaker 1It's almost like if you had sex like your lady really wanted you to have sex, you could last forever. Like you know, it's not right. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2Well, another, really kind of like, let me just throw this out there, yeah, okay. Well, another really kind of like, let me just throw this out there, because I always want to remind men about this. Like man, I'll make a video about this someday. But like I told you, didn't I that, like male sexuality is really mysterious to me? Did I tell you I that, like male sexuality is really mysterious to me? Did I tell you that, like, female sexuality is really?
Speaker 2Female sexuality is really, like you know, makes sense to me. It's totally sensible. It's like you know, people sometimes think, oh, that's really complicated, that's not complicated, that just makes total sense to me. It's all very sensible. So, like you know, really common sense makes total sense to me. It's all very sensible, it's all, like you know, really common sense. Male sexuality is, like you know, everything is solved with a cock. Cock is the solution to everything. Cock is god, you know. So it's like a worship of a cult of cock, uh, and everything in sex is going to be resolved with cock. And that's like the mysterious part of male sexuality for me, because maybe there are biological reasons for it or whatever, but it's almost like some kind of a cult, you know, um and uh, men often think about it like this in the in this issue as well. Like you know how to fix sex, I need to last longer.
Speaker 1Like that's gonna fix sex if you just last longer, you might still be getting crap sex for longer.
Speaker 2Yeah, exactly. Do you know how many women told me they prefer for the guy? They're like? You know he's lasting too long. I want it to be over sooner 100%. But there's also like okay, what is long sex for a woman? There's this belief that men have that basically, the longer I'm her, the more she's uh enjoying it like she wants longer sex.
Speaker 2She wants longer sex. Longer sex doesn't mean longer intercourse. If you ask a woman which part you want longer, um, yeah, I mean, I mean fair enough, if there are like some women who really enjoy intercourse and uh, their their husband like has you know, extreme pe, but I would I would imagine that most women will say I want the foreplay to be longer. Yeah, you know, that's the part I want longer. Like if you want to give me, if you want to last longer, first I want the foreplay to last longer and then, second to that maybe would be I want fingering to last longer or the oral to last longer, and then, second to that maybe would be I want fingering to last longer or the oral to last longer, and then maybe I'd like the intercourse to last longer, you know.
Speaker 1So there's kind of expanding that perspective as well yeah, I totally, I totally get what you're saying, man, the uh other other factors at play, the other activities, the other ways of uh giving, feeling, receiving sexual energy, love, all the, all that stuff. But yeah, most guys are like to make sex better. I should be able to stick it in her for longer, harder, without coming, like that type that in google search add to cart by. So I totally understand do you know what?
Speaker 2do you know what? A lot of men develop PE premature ejaculation in relationships, later in relationships. So, like you know, there's a big bunch of men that I worked with like that. What happens? This cult of dick, yeah, so it's all about me. Like you know, lasting longer in the vagina Okay, Works for the honeymoon period. Then she disengages from sex. It's not doing anything for her. She starts avoiding sex. He starts getting tense about it. He's not getting sex. He feels he's not satisfying her. He develops premature ejaculation because he's tense about it, because, like, there's clearly dissatisfaction from her in sex, he thinks I need to learn to last longer. He thinks I need to get rid of my premature ejaculation because I need to last longer and then it will satisfy her. The reason this happened in the first place the premature ejaculation is because he thought it was all about lasting longer.
Speaker 1That's what's caused this why she fought away from the other things.
Speaker 2That's why she disengaged, because there were other things that were missing, and he is trying to solve it with the same thing that created the problem you know.
Sensitivity in QiGong for Sexual Energy
Speaker 1Yeah, it's really really helpful insight, man. Um other thing I want to ask you about is, uh, the importance of, of, like Importance of of like practicing energy circulation in the body. The word Qigong comes to mind. Qigong is like ancient energy practices, right? How important is? Is that in cultivating? I mean, we talked about the multi-tool, three things've written down is circulation, sensitivity and presence. Um, so how important in that circulation component is being familiar with, like some of the more like chinese medicine, energy channels, qigong, or is that all just over complicated for no particular reason?
Speaker 2um, I don't think it's important to be familiar with them. Uh, I think it depends what kind of technique you're using. So, for example, uh, I have adopted techniques from various places. Specifically, I drew a lot on chigun because I thought like that's actually the most applicable energy practice for sexual energy and like I have adapted it and I have modified it over the years to work really well for sex. So it's like a modded version of Qigong for sex. But so obviously I don't teach it like this and I don't refer to it and I just say, well, this is like how you channel your sexual energy, you know uh, so, uh, it really shouldn't be complicated and, uh, the more complicated it is, the worse it is to use. Um, it's not important to use uh to to know, to have like intimate knowledge of these things in their original form, done for their original purpose, as long as you just have a simple thing that you can do for your sexual energy.
Speaker 1Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's not necessary.
Speaker 2However, also like there is an element, there is an interesting impact that you get from practicing these things just on their own, for themselves, which develops your kind of your ability then to do, to kind of do the same in sex. So I've noticed that that that it's a lot from people who are practicing either yoga or chigun, they just feel a lot more in sex and they're able to kind of circulate the sexual energy without even like having ever encountered any idea of how to do it in sex. You know so that that also happens. Anything, anything you do really to connect more intimately, develop the sensitivity in your body.
Speaker 1Some people get into dance and they improve sex, you know so maybe just in general, becoming more aware of what's going on in the body, like intra-perception kind of thing, more aware of what's going on in the body, like intraperception kind of thing.
Speaker 2Yeah, exactly that's exactly what it is. So it's like developing your sensitivity to the internal sensation of the body.
Speaker 1Yeah, um, let me look at a couple of the questions I have. Man, we got a. We got about 30 minutes left max. Yeah, yeah whatever you want, man, there's no rush this is something that is interesting to me, just like how much, how like, obviously, your people's go ahead, let me, let me, let me stop.
Speaker 2I have been a little bit aware of that. This is a public recording, so I've been a little bit elusive sometimes. But if you've got points that you really kind of want me to tell, you, just ask me after, ask me after. Thank you, like the things that you really want to know that I didn't answer, ok.
Developing Sensitivity for Sexual Intimacy
Speaker 1OK, so we know that. We know that the intention with sex really does, uh, a lot in creating the experience that you're walking into. You know, like, how are we seeing sex? What's the intention here? What am I showing up to experience? Um, like, what I've started to learn recently is that it's so much about just how I've conditioned my body to respond to sexual energy, and whether it's through closure and excitement or it's through relaxation and luxuriating and expanding and circulating, like it really is just down to how you've trained yourself to respond to it.
Speaker 2Right, yeah, yeah which is a good yes okay, so one thing that's empowering you have that choice, yeah okay.
Speaker 1So you know how, like you, you know you run a wheelbarrow back and forth in the snow enough times and there's a groove and then it's hard to go anywhere. But in that groove, michael Pollan with in the book how to Change your Mind, talks a really great analogy with like just a fresh slate of snow, so that you can kind of go new grooves in terms of relating to things with new behaviors and new associations, like knowing that the groove is so deeply, it's so deep for so many people, myself included with with just like you know, overstimulation, visual stimulation being out of your body, excitatory response focused on ejaculation. You know, like what are, what are ways that people can like begin to approach sex with them with to increase their chances of having a new experience.
Speaker 2You know what I mean well, I think, um, uh, first of all, no matter how deep the groove was, you can see that you are always experiencing new things. So it's not a, it's not an obstacle. Um, I believe that, um, I think that vision, what, what you, what you call the intention, you say well, the intention, sex is to experience something this and this and this. I think that's the key part, to start with, because it's almost like beginning to dangle this, uh, new experience in your mind before you lay down those grooves, right. So it's like okay, this is, this is like the blueprint now, uh, and now we're going to try to build on this blueprint, right, so, uh, if you don't have that, then, yeah, you know, you keep doing the same thing.
Speaker 2So it's like, it's like changing, first of all, changing that intention and saying, well, sex is about feeling this, this, this, um and uh, these qualities, and those are the qualities I want to tune into. That's what I want to feel, you know, like in the holistic sex you've seen, there's like the first, the whole first module. It's all just about the mindset. It's all about, like, you know, sexual energy can feel like this, you can feel like this. That's what it's about. So the reason I'm doing that in the holistic sex is because you're creating the vision first.
Speaker 2Okay, this is the blueprint, and now you're filling it in with the practices, because otherwise it doesn't work. So there's, there is a transitional period where you have desensitized yourself, so you're doing things the old way. Uh, you have a new vision and at first you need to hold it and you need to try to feel these things, even though they're not so easy to feel at the moment. But you need to stimulate yourself to kind of for the, for the reality, to plug into the blueprint, and then the blueprint can fall off and then you will feel these things, you know, but at first you need to keep. You need to keep holding it to develop your feelings, and that is so beautiful man like yeah it's so beautiful because it's like it's such a growth mindset thing.
Speaker 1It's such a, it's such a thing of hope that says, like you don't have to continue to seek more and more and more and more stronger, potent, intense external stimuli, you know, to make sex Like you can. You can go within and go deeper and feel more and be more in tune with your body and be more sensitive, develop like a sensitivity to dimensions of sexual experience that you weren't even aware of before and that, that, like no man's land I know personally did like that. That it's an important part of the process because, like initially, it just feels like the sex gets worse, just like, okay, it was intense it was this chase.
Speaker 1It was this excitement thing. Now it kind of feels like like what are we doing here? But I mean like, and that's so. It's such a cool thing, man, that it's true, like at first you don't feel much at all, but then you start. You do start. The more you in your mind intend to sense like more subtle shifts, more subtle sensations, more emotional currents, currents, the more you begin to think about like how good it feels to get your emotional needs met and how the technology of sex is a method of meeting those and then bringing some of your emotional needs to the, to the bedroom too, like it really does begin to evolve. That's when it started getting really exciting for me was when I was like, oh, the more I do really pay attention to this and the more I do set in my mind to be more sensitive, to be more present. There's so much more here and I left way too early to go seek bigger and better.
Speaker 2You know yeah, yeah, and you know what else happens is is, if you always seek better and better, that's a dead end. Yeah, because there comes a ceiling where there's only so much you can do and now you can't feel anything. Yeah, and that's it. There's nowhere else to go you know, or you start doing completely silly things. People get into that as well. It's just like I don't know why we're doing this, but it turns real Because it's novel.
Speaker 2At that point you're just chasing the novelty of the brain just dopamine and whatnot, yeah yeah, the only reason you're doing this is because somehow it turns you on, but it's got no inherent value to it. But what happens when you sensitize yourself? You go through a transitional period and you, like you said really beautifully explained when you kind of like find, okay, there's a lot more here, what else can I find here? Then there is much further.
Speaker 2You can go into that bigger and better down because if you need to be doing this all the time to feel something like how much harder can you hit, but if, if you are doing this and you feel the same as this already because you're very sensitive, then what happens if you do? If, then you do this you know, like the, the, the telescopic expansion of, like the intensity of that, what you can feel is so much more now from sensitivity than you could have ever got by chasing um intensity 100 man.
Speaker 1I was, uh, talking to my brother about some of the things I had learned and we were discussing some of the. We were discussing men's preoccupation with our penis size and how we think about our lovers and think about you know, oh, who they've been with in the past and how do I measure up to them, and that kind of thing. But just like in this, it's such a different perspective, like I I was. I told him, like you know, if you were really trying to really please your lover, like would you rather have? You know like a foot long dildo or a, or like a point of molly, you know, like you'd rather have some mdma.
Speaker 1And then in the smallest of sensations there's a sensitivity to it that's just incredible, versus just like trying to pound somebody like you see in the pornos. You know, and that's been really it's for, that's been a north star for me. When I look up in the sky I see a giant dildo or I see a point of molly and instead of going from the dildo I'm going like man. Sensitivity, it love, the emotions are what create this beautiful expansion of endless, seemingly, pleasures and experience versus just, you know, bigger, better, get on the edge of your seat. It's going to be big monster jam. You know that kind of thing, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, it's such a beautiful thing, man.
Speaker 1Um, that's such a beautiful thing. But just to touch on a point too. You said like there is an, there's a, there's an end. I'm glad it's set up the way it is, but there's an end to bigger, better. There's an end to it. Inherently, when you're chasing novelty and new stimuli, like it just doesn't work, because if at some point the point becomes novelty itself and you can't catch novelty, like it's just an evaporating thing. You constantly see the shiny thing. You get closer it loses the shine.
Speaker 2Like, but this one staying with what is feeling more into it, it's a never-ending, never-ending honeycomb for real yeah, well, and in relationship context, to add to what you said, that like no, the point of novelty becomes novelty. Um, this can ruin a relationship, because if that, if that is the pattern of engagement with sex, when just it's all about novelty, you can't beat the ultimate novelty, which is a new person like you can't yeah, 100.
Speaker 1You're setting yourself for a game that's like inherently fucked. You know, change the game, man yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2So if you, if you can go deeper and feel more and develop your sensitivity, then then you can get a much better sex with the person you've been with, then you can get to somebody new where you start, yo, that's so cool man and I'm honestly on the air too on the video.
Speaker 1I want to say thank you, man, because I me and me and larm bro we've we've been able to have experiences sexually that have been so beautiful, so so different than what I had ever conceived of before, and and so much of it has been because of our conversation that we had in March so much of it has been just from the topics you put out on YouTube. I'm not just trying to hype you up because you're my boy or anything Like. I've met you through this stuff and it's been. I mean, really man, this stuff is really powerful. I'm really grateful for your influence on my journey so far.
Speaker 2Amazing. Well, I'm really like. I really admire you for having gone and done all this, everything you've done. I really admire you for Thank you, man, I appreciate it Everything you've done with yourself, everything that you have found yourself, what you have discovered, what you've achieved, what you've done like without any kind of help or influence from me, but, like you, you've done really amazing thing with yourself, thank you man, I really appreciate that.
Speaker 1I mean the uh, the moment of experience after a sexual experience, the moment after the sexual experience where you tap into a totally, a totally new paradigm. And you know, maybe maybe you're like me if you're a listener maybe it's like you know, maybe it's porn addiction, maybe it's sex addiction, maybe it's constantly seeking novelty, intensity entertainment. You know it's constantly seeking novelty, intensity entertainment. It's all about more, bigger, better. It is inherently frustrating, especially when you're in a long-term partnership because you're like, here I am with this person and same person, so this isn't working. But when you swap over and then you really begin to like put into practice the stuff we've been talking about today, and then you feel this like, just this brush of, like a whole new availability of, of, like nourishment, of pleasure, of connection, and I mean like just to say that after four years of being together, now me and my partner are having way better sex, so much better sex than we have ever had before After four years.
Speaker 1That only makes and it's with the same person like that only makes me really much more of a like, a much more of an advocate for the stuff we're talking about today because of how powerful it can be. You know it's really, it really is powerful. So if you haven't, if you haven't put this stuff into practice yet, like don't you know, do it. And then when you feel you're in that no man's land where there's, you know, you disconnected with your previous model of sex and now you're kind of feeling rather aimless and maybe bored, like just tune in and think where does this feel good in my body, where does this feel good to be with this person? What am I feeling right now, even no matter how small, and then see if you can develop your superpower, your superpower being, you know, feeling the nuanced differences and expanding upon those. Because that man, if you could have any superpower, I think that's probably the one to want for sexually.
Speaker 1So yeah, yeah, man is, is there anything else that, uh, we didn't quite polish off in today's conversation that you want to add uh, no, well, I don't.
Speaker 2I'm not holding any thread from before, no, but uh, if you, if you, if you have something, go for it you're good with it.
Speaker 1Yeah, I'm good with man. I think that's a good place to good place to land, especially for the people listening to this. I know this is probably just as much of a like a. You know, really, there's a lot here we've already talked about, you know, yeah, so uh, well, in that, case man uh thank you, brother.
Speaker 1I really appreciate you. Um, people can and you can check out on youtube, alexa welsh, uh, lovefloweducationcom get the course I did fantastic uh I I can say endless amounts of praise about it, but just go check it out for yourself. Um, yeah, thanks for listening, thanks for tuning in and we'll catch you on the next episode.