5 Bedroom Skills Every Man Should Master

What if great sex isn’t about getting somewhere, but about feeling everything? We share five practices that turn a frantic sprint to climax into a steady, nourishing experience that fills the whole body and brings you closer to your partner. It starts with a simple shift: stop forcing arousal and start feeling. By settling into your senses—skin, breath, weight on the sheets—you invite the parasympathetic nervous system to take the lead. Performance anxiety eases, erections can ebb and flow without panic, and pleasure becomes a current you can ride instead of a peak you must reach.

From there, we reframe how we look at a lover’s body. Rather than chasing novelty, we practice contemplative appreciation—a gaze that lets beauty move us inward and expand desire from neediness into generosity. We talk about how porn habits can narrow attention and how slowing down reopens it. Then we dig into a practical cornerstone: relaxing the pelvic floor. Chronic clenching forces a fast finish; softening turns the pelvis into a doorway for sensation to travel through the hips, spine, and chest. We connect this to self‑pleasure habits and explain why the way you touch yourself trains the way you touch another person.

Expression seals the shift. Sound and movement aren’t theatrics; they are tools for circulating arousal so it doesn’t bottleneck. Gentle hip waves, a rolling spine, breathy moans—they spread charge, release tension, and invite your partner into a shared rhythm. Finally, we drop the finish line altogether. Lasting longer comes from feeling more, not less, and from building the body’s capacity to hold intensity through breath work, meditation, and patient touch. Think of sex like a slow meal—rich, textured, and satisfying—where the goal is to savor every flavor. If this sparks something, subscribe, share with a friend who’d love it, and leave a review telling us which practice you’ll try first.

⬇️
⬇️
⬇️
Watch this episode and many more on my Youtube channel! 👀
Instagram/ Braxtongilbert

Transcript

A Dating Setback And A Mission

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, hello. Okay. Alright, I'm gonna record this video. Even though I feel like it uh I don't know. Um hope this is useful to people because I just I take these because I think these are such cool insights, such incredible experiences. Um I've been dating a lot recently, and I've recently met this girl that really was spectacular. Like she was very smart, she was sexy, she was really active, she was living her life on purpose, etc. etc. And I was like really energized about it. I was like, this is something really good, you know. And then the next day she texted me and was like, Pretty much, I found your podcast and I found your stuff in your social media, and I'm just not comfortable with what you talk about online. Uh I shed a tear, not gonna lie, because she was really, really great. Uh so here we are again talking about um five. What is it, five? Five fantastic sex tips for guys. Um to that young lady. I'm sorry. Here we go. We're gonna keep on keeping on because I mean these are these are important. These are important, these are significant. I had some sex this weekend and it was remarkable. It was fantastic. It was so so fantastic, and I'm just continually um amazed. I'm continually amazed at the way that the um things, the way that the sexual experiences continue to change. Um and what's possible in the sexual experience, how how expansive it can be, and how deeply nourishing and satiating and um rejuvenating sex can be too. Uh which is just such a sharp contrast from where I've come in my life. Um from a perspective of endless pursuit, I can't get no satisfaction. That um, you know, if you if sex for you is like a kind of a uh numb, disconnected, almost angry pursuit of an ejaculation, and you're thinking, man, I wish I could get some feel good the whole time. I wish sex felt good the whole time instead of uh just at the end, and um then this this is like this is for you, my friend. Sex has gone from a numb, disconnected pursuit of a very short genital sneeze, is the way that I heard David Data describe it in his book, The Way of the Superior Man, to a full, very full, rich experience where the whole time there's this just waves of bliss and um enjoyment and pleasure. And I would I would I'd say bliss is probably one of the most potent of the of the um emotions and the currency, the sexual currency. So it's not even really about the ejaculation at the end, it's more about this this deeply nourishing experience that happens the whole time. And um that's like a if that's a good that's probably a good way to kind of picture it in your mind is um the type of sex that you could just leave the the the ejaculation, the ending orgasmic ejaculation to decide. If you have a really, really good dinner, then a lot of times, you know, when they're like, hey, do you want a dessert? You're like, nah, I'm good. So um that's the that's the type of sex that I'm talking about. And it's so good for not just for yourself, but for your partner, the person that you're with, because when you are angrily trying to get something from them, um they feel it. I think they feel it. I think that they know that you're disconnected from your body and that you're moving from a place of I'm moving with this type of intensity, not because I feel an intensity of sexual energy, but rather because I feel a lack of sexual energy and I desperately want to feel something. Just to feel something. And that's different, my friend. That's different. I think that's different. I think that you show up differently in the sexual experience with someone when you move like that. So this is not just incredible for yourself, but for your partner. And what I have found, and then I'll get into the five, is um the experience itself takes on a whole different cadence. A it's so much more alive, and it's so much more of a journey together that you experience because you're showing up from a place of embodied feeling, not just from a physical sensation level, but from a heart level, an emotional level. You're open, your eyes are wide open as they take in your lover, and this whole experience is something that you're allowing to happen in a lot of ways. And because you're allowing it to happen in a lot of ways, this in this sexual currency is taking you and your partner along for the ride. In other like what I'm saying is, when it's trying to force pleasure, you just enjoy the flow of the energy that's present. There's there's a natural flow, ebb, and flow of it. So there's kind of this rise and fall of the energy. And um, I wish my computer screen would stay on. I keep having to touch it every two minutes. Um there's this natural rise and fall of the energy, and because of that, it truly feels like an experience that you and that person are moving through together. And it's like, wow, in a lot of ways. So for guys specifically, and I just couldn't say that because I'm a guy, um, these are the five things that after the sexual experiences that I was having this weekend, I thought to myself, wow, that sex was remarkable in so many ways. And what about it made it remarkable? What are the foundational fundamentals of that sexual experience that made it as rich and as lovely as it was? Um, the first thing, I'll go through the five real quick. The first thing. Uh I don't force arousal, I relax into my body and attune to the sensitivities of feeling. Arousal occurs naturally. I'll go into that. The second thing a lover's body is inspiration for deep contemplation to the mystery of attraction and desire. My gaze as well as my touch lingers and luxuriates. That's the second one. The third one, complete, this one's big, big, complete and total relaxation of the pelvic floor, the entire sexual experience. We'll get to that. The fourth one, expressing sexual energy through the body with sounds and movement, wiggling the spine, the hips, groaning, moaning. Number five, or number four and a half, if you're watching this video and you see my hand or my left hand does not have a thumb. Number five, a climactic finish is not the goal at all. That's like a big component of the sexual experience that that um, or the big component of the type of sexual experience I'm describing. The climactic finish is not the goal whatsoever. Um, rather, increase sensitivity to the flow of sexual energy throughout the experience. That's the goal, not a climactic finish. We're not trying to get somewhere, but in fact, we're trying to, throughout the whole time, increase the flow, increase the sensitivity to the flow of the energy that's already present. That's a totally different game to play. So let's talk about these a little bit more. The first one. I don't force arousal, I relax into my body and attune to the feeling, or attune to the sensitivities of feeling. Arousal comes naturally. A lot of guys deal with performance anxiety. I'm one of them, not so much anymore after experiences, after these experiences continue to compile, because I used to look down on my penis before we're having sex, before I have sex, and be like, hey man, it's time to rock. Let's let's do this thing. And I would also feel this anticipatory energy in the body. I would kind of feel my energy in my body get up into my chest and in my head. Think excited, rubbing your hands together, a real anticipation of a reward energy. Because if you're about to have sex, then it would be natural to be feeling excited about the experience that's coming. However, the that state then caused me to have to really negotiate with my penis, really try to um uh force arousal to happen. Why? Because the nervous system settings are different from uh a sympathetic, kind of like alert, pursuing um high energy state, um, like anticipating a reward or gambling or going to a roller coaster or having a big conversation with your boss. That's like the sympathetic nervous system. And then the parasympathetic nervous system is the downregulated, uh really relaxing, rest, digest, uh, bringing yourself down. And what's interesting is the arousal is arousal is a function of the largely the parasympathetic nervousism, as I understand it currently. Um I'm totally open to coaching on that if someone has some deeper insights. Parasympathetic nervousism. So where I used to be excited and up, up, up, excited about the sexual experience, now I've found myself settling deeply into my body uh and not being concerned with the likelihood of arousal because what I have found is that if I just attune to the feeling in the body, I can feel the touch on my skin, I can feel the you know, uh my clothes on my body, I can feel my back or my legs on the bed sheets, I can feel the touch of my partner or the or this lover, I can feel these things. If I attune to the to the nuances, those small little shifts in pressure and texture, then arousal comes naturally. And another thing too with this is that erections come and go during sex. That's something that's been really, really helpful for me in this because who wants to lose their heart on while they're having sex? And the thing for at least the it seems that the expectation here for guys is that you should stay hard the whole time and you should not, or you, or the sexual experience ends when you stop being hard. Now, I will say this the more I practice sex like this, the more um strong and powerful my erections are because of the deep concentration of sexual energy that's been cultivated through these practices. That being said, though, there is, like I mentioned earlier, there's a natural kind of ebb and flow of the sexual experience and the energy in it. So naturally, there's gonna be this really high, strong peak of arousal and reaching for pleasure, even through the extension of an erection. And there's kind of a period of back to just neutrality. And so that's gonna be reflected in a reduction of the erection. And that's okay. That's okay. Again, if we're in touch with the sensations in the body, the presence in the body, then arousal is just a byproduct of just feeling those more and bringing more sensation and more sensitivity to those sensations. So uh you don't stress out about something that you know you can get back easily. And the getting back easily part of it really comes down to just practicing embodiment. Instead of being excited about the sexual experience and like a, ooh, what am I gonna get? Ooh, this is gonna be so much fun, that kind of energy, Christmas morning kind of energy, instead settling into the body like you're receiving a massage and feel, make the goal to feel as much as you can. So that's the first thing, not forcing arousal, uh, not being preoccupied with performance anxiety just because I know that when I'm embodied, things work well. And it's when I get in my head, get in my anticipatory energy that things start to um be a little bit stagnant in terms of energy flow in my body. The second thing. This one's really cool. This one's really cool. And I prom I probably will lose you on this one because uh this one is like a deeply, deeply crafted insight from my own experience in life. But I will do my best to bring it along for the journey, my friend. Please hear me. Um a lover's body is inspiration of deep contemplation. This is what makes the sexual experience so blissful and so wonderful. A lover's body is deep is inspiration for deep contemplation to the mystery of attraction and desire. Hmm. Hmm. I can feel it in my body as I talk about this. Here's what I'm talking about. You can either view the body as a physical object that you want. So you see breasts and you want them. You see legs and you want them. Give me, I want. Sure. You also can instead of just lunging towards an object of your desire, you can instead notice it, notice the body, notice its presentation. The wonderful um quote in the book of the care of the soul by Thomas More, is quoting someone else, but it's not the only source I know, uh, says the body is the soul perceived by the senses. So you're perceiving a body here, and on one level, physically it's an ob it's like an object of sorts, it's uh a material thing. On the other hand, on the other level, on another level, it's a it's a um representation or a it's something that it can't be reduced to an object. It's something that inspires you to feel a certain way. For example, a lover's body, instead of lunging at it to get it, you can allow their presence and their beauty to settle you further into the desire you feel. And if you are really present with this and you you practice this again and again and again and again, then you notice that the desire you feel isn't a down-level desire, like I need that to feel good. Think like grabbing a vape or something, like I desire a vape, I don't vape, but most people get the analogy. There's one version of desire that's like I need, I'm uncomfortable because I need, I'm I feel pain because I need. There's another version of desire that's like a invitation to participate. Think about if you um really love basketball. My go back to being a child and going to like the playground, and you know, um we're just hanging out by the black top and hanging out goofing around, and then I hear somebody um start bouncing basketballs. Oh, they brought out the bag with all the basketballs. Yes, let's go. And so when I see that, and my face even lights up, and as I talk about it, there's this energy, ah, that's a wonderful, that it comes up, and it's a desire to participate. It's not a I need this, which is a different kind of thing. It's a desire to participate in this in this play, in this energy. And I could stop right there, and instead of just running to the basketballs and going and playing, which I would do after which anyone would do if they love basketball, I could instead notice how much I love this game and love the idea of playing basketball. And I could stop for a second and I could breathe it in. I could really slow down and breathe it in. How good it is to be alive and to love something so much. Wow, how cool it is to want to play a game so much that it just the sound of a bouncing basketball brings my abdomen and my chest this expansive energy. That's the desire that I'm distinguishing the difference between want desire and having desire. It's not something I want to get, it's something that I have to give. And what's another little point here is that I think that pornography trains the brain to see the body as valuable from the lens of novelty. It's just the revelation, it's just the revealing of the body that really has the juice for someone who has really been more so on the side of novelty with their sexual practices. So it's it's a different gear altogether. And I remember, or I don't remember, it sounds like it was years and years ago, but maybe uh this is like maybe six months ago. Six months ago, I really started practicing. This is probably a little bit longer than six months ago, maybe nine months ago, I started practicing sexual contemplation with pornography instead of just consumption. This is uh wacko wacko, but here's what it is. Instead of viewing videos of pornography, just view an image, and instead of viewing multiple images, have an image that you just really, really uh take in, you know, like one image for like five minutes. You just really admire and you allow the image to pull your attention into your body and to feel what energies come up in the body as a response to viewing this symbol of eroticism. And the game becomes cultivating a stronger, more potent uh energy in the body in response to that symbolic representation of eroticism. And that is different, it's a different pathway. It's instead of more, more, more and new, new, new for dopamine rewards, instead it's a deepening, deepening, deepening, and a sensitizing to the body's response to sexual energy. And so with a lover, you know, their body's in front of you, and instead of um ravenously consuming them with your eyes, soaking up all the novelty, uh, cultivating a instead of a desperation, a deep appreciation, and seeing if there's a way, this is the final thing I'll say about this, and then I'll move on. See there's a way that you can use their body to as an inspiration instead of an object of of taking. So a good example would be breasts, there's an attraction to breasts that is remarkable. And instead of just participating in it and going along the ride, you can also sit back and feel the attraction and see that maybe breasts are also a symbol of a of nourishment. That's what they are in a lot of ways. Nourishment that uh in the early stages of our life, breasts are the source of nourishment for our development. And so, in one way, the desire towards breasts is the desire for deep nourishment, and there's also a beautiful truth there within the imagery of breasts that life provides nourishment. Life provides what you need. And those kind of things, allowing that to enter your mind during the sexual experience is something that has the capacity to take it so much deeper, so much deeper into a truly, into a totally different realm of experience. Now you're participating not just in this, ooh, I want, let's do, but you're allowing the presence of sexual energy and eroticism to expand your mind and expand your body into deep contemplation about the beauty of life. Itself. And that's incredible. Number three. Complete and total relaxation of the pelvic floor, the entire sexual experience. My friend. Next time you have sex, next time you're solo pleasuring. Next time you're yeah, next time you feel arousal. Pay attention to the little, you know, few inches of space in your gooch between your balls and your anus. And the tendency for that pelvic floor to contract. It wants to contract and contract and contract. It wants to squeeze. Um don't. Don't relax the pelvic floor as if you were urinating. Relax the pelvic floor. When your lever touches your body, relax your pelvic floor. When you touch yourself, relax your pelvic floor. When um something's really sexy, relax your pelvic floor. Relax, relax, relax. There's an instinct to clinch. The clinch is the prerequisite for the ejaculation. The clinch is the thing that says, let's get this out. Let's get this seed out. And you're not just trying to ejaculate. That's not the potential, it's not the highest upside for sex. Yes, you can ejaculate whenever you'd like, my friend. However, the ejaculation is not the juiciest part of this sexual experience, what it has to offer just yet. There's so much to receive from the sexual experience. There's so much to receive. And in my experience, a big part of that is being able to participate in the love making for as long as the experience is going to last. And if the if instinctively you clinch the pelvic floor, all that's doing is just moving you to the fast track of ejaculation. And then the only pleasure in the body is the ejaculation and edging prior to the ejaculation. There is a whole different way to experience the flow of sexual energy that has nothing to do with edging, but but saturating in the sexual energy, and it's super blissful. The thing that has allowed me to do that is relaxation of the pelvic floor, the entire sexual experience. Even to the point of the ejaculation. Relaxing the pelvic floor during the ejaculation, although it tends in my experience, it tends to still flicker, expands the experience of ejaculation, expands the experience of the orgasm that accompanies them. Think about it like this when you're having sex, you're either giving something, like, you know, yes, if it's a masculine energy, I think there's more of a penetration, more of a um uh taking over presence, and more of a leading presence. Um, you're opening your partner, those types of energetic languages. At the same time, though, you're receiving in the sexual experience as well. If not, what are you here for? If you're not getting anything from it, what are you here for? So you're receiving and and think about receiving through the penis, think about receiving through the groin, and in order to receive, you need to relax. At least that's the way I've made sense of it in my mind. So think of the penis as a straw, and it's sucking in this sweet energy from your lever, and it's entering through the groin and moving through the hips and the legs and up the spine and into the body. Yeah. And uh we'll get to the third thing or the fourth thing in a minute, which is the movement and kind of spreading it around. But um that relaxation is what I think allows there not to be a blockage in the pelvic floor in the groin. But it in fact allows the energy to enter and and expand in the body. Um two little side notes on this is uh how you jerk off is how you're gonna fuck. When you solo, when you are doing when you're masturbating, how you do that is training your nervous system for partnered sex. So if you masturbate from a perspective of clinch the pelvic floor and rigorously uh rush to ejaculation, and if I want to expand the pleasure, then just ride the edge, then that's what you're gonna be left with. That's the very uh small tool bag that you'll have in the sexual experience. You'll have the ability to squeeze up intense, to stiffen your body, and uh really go for an ejaculation, and you'll have the ability to stop before and ride out a little bit of an edge, and you kind of stop, start, stop, start, which is such a constricted cadence as well that then makes the sexual experience so much about yourself because your very high needs. You're very high needs. You like it, it's very much a process of like, you know, don't mess this up because I'm I'm on the edge, don't push me because I'm close to the edge. But it's not something that you don't play well with others when that's your uh only method of enjoying the sexual experience. If instead you luxuriate, if instead you feel the body, you awaken the senses, you use the fingertips on the legs, you use the fingers on the hands or the fingers on the body, you awaken arousal in a way that's invitational instead of yanking at it, and then you ride the natural ebbs and flows of the sexual experience, then you'll be primed for what I'm talking about here. Uh last thing on number three is furthermore, a deep relaxation of the entire body's energy to allow the energy to move about. Um yeah, so deep relaxation of the pelvic floor, and then you even expand that to like some of the stuff I've talked about that I learned from uh Jonathan White, relaxing the feet. Uh relax the feet, and um there's a deep relaxation of the entire body. You know, like there's a clenching if you go outside and it's cold outside, there's a a clenching of the body. I would say the muscles in like energetically, there's like a tensing, and then there's also the feeling of like a cool day when you walk outside, but the sun's on you, and the sun really is feels really warm, and you like relax. Here's another thing. Here's another thing. Um learning to train the bot training the body to respond to sexual energy in that type of response instead of excitement, like playing a video game or or opening a gift, instead, the way you exhale and the way your body shifts after you drink the first sip of like a really, really great coffee or for some people, like a really good beer. On a beach, you know. That type of full body relaxation is the shit when it comes to being able to circulate the sexual energy that you're receiving through your groin via that groin relaxation. And number four, expressing sexual energy through the body with sounds and movement. Uh this one's huge. Now that you are feeling a lot more because we are not forcing the arousal, we're enjoying the presence of the partner as this amplification of desire and contemplation and bliss. And on top of that, we're relaxing the body, so we're receiving energy, and now it's all in our body. Then expressing that, expressing that in the space. So, you know, there's this is something I've noticed is really cool is that with that relaxation, the whole thought process is that like the groin's like a pressure cooker for guys, the groin's like a pressure cooker. So you get a lot of energy in it and you need to release through ejaculation. If you relax the pelvic floor, then it has space to move throughout. And then if you can move it around even more, then your body becomes a really, really large container for this beautiful, blissful sexual energy. And one thing that I've learned is that literal movement of the spine, literal wiggling of the hips, uh, rolling of the neck around, moving of the back muscles helps to move around the arousal, move around the energy in the body and spread that blissful, enjoyable energy to the rest of the skin, to the rest of the body. Even moaning and groaning, really allowing that primal energy that's in you and deep inside your body to be expressed. And by expressing it, it saturates you even further to the outermost parts of your body and energetic body. And also, too, um, by expressing the presence of your sexual energy, it deepens the experience with your partner. Um they then are reflecting back to you the energy you're expressing, and then you're receiving more, and it be gets deeper and deeper as opposed to two people concealing their arousal or concealing their energy, you know, kind of like you're there to do a drug deal or something, and then no one's really trying to be, everyone's trying to be inconspicuous about it. Expressing the expressing the energy freely, moaning, groaning, letting all those sounds out in a way that's a gift to the person that you're with. This is a gift. You're showing them, you're expressing to them just how blissful this is for you right now, just how good this is for you right now. And that it does so much for the experience. It does so, so much for the experience. And the last thing, a climactic finish is not the goal at all. This one's the this one's, I think, one of the most important things to hang the attention on. One of the most fundamental parts of this sexual experience, of the sexual experience that I'm discuss that I'm describing is a climactic finish is not the goal. It's not I need to get somewhere. It's how much deeply how much deeper can I feel this right now? How much more can I feel what's happening right now? How sensitive can I become? And here's the funny part. Lasting longer in sex in my mind uh was always like a desensitation desensitization thing. Like, you know, I don't want to be so I don't want my penis to be sensitive because then I'll I won't last long during sex. I have found it to be the opposite of my brother. Instead of uh I need to numb my penis and feel less and get angry and focus on, you know, um things that are not sexual, maybe like taxes or something during sex to try not to uh try to last longer, instead, instead increase the sensitivity to the body to this sexual experience because it's blissful, it's incredible, and then learn to circulate it in the body. Learn to circulate it in the body. That part, that's the that's the goal, is to increase the sensitivity, pairing that with the ability to circulate around. Because if you just increase the sensitivity and you can't circulate it around, yeah, the party ends pretty quickly. You need to increase the energetic bandwidth that your body has to maintain, to can to hold the amount of energy that you're cultivating. So it is definitely a balance. If you're gonna, if you if you're not committed to increasing the body's capacity to hold energy, yeah, you just need to numb yourself to the point where, you know, take Prozac and uh have a callused penis and then you can just have sex all day. But what are you getting from it? You know, probably nothing. Instead, sensitize your penis and the rest of your body to receive and experience the subtleties of sexual energy uh through things like meditation, breath work, qigong, changing the way you self-pleasure, changing the aims of your sexual experience, and the aim specifically being my goal is to become a connoisseur. My goal is to become a connoisseur of the energies that are present here and to really delight in them instead of trying to rush through them. The way I think about this is like, you know, um rushing through sex to get to the ejaculation is about as stupid as rushing through a delicious meal just to get to feeling full. Yeah. Enjoy the flavors, my friend. Alright. Five things. I hope this is helpful for you because man, has it been helpful for me.