Episode 180: Mini Series 2: Why You Couldn't Have Known Better

Do you replay your past and think, “I should’ve known better”? Survivors of emotional abuse often torture themselves with regret, believing they failed by not recognizing the truth sooner. But here’s the reality: you couldn’t have known better at the time—because abuse clouds judgment, rewires the brain, and makes survival feel safer than clarity.

In this episode of Be A Better You Podcast, host and subconscious reprogramming expert Allison K. Dagney explains why survivors carry the heavy burden of “I should’ve known better,” and why that belief is deeply unfair. You’ll learn how your brain and nervous system protect you in abusive situations, why trauma bonding and manipulation make “knowing better” impossible in the moment, and how to finally release the guilt that keeps you stuck.

Through relatable examples, trauma-informed insights, and powerful reframes, you’ll discover how to replace shame with compassion—and see your survival not as a failure, but as proof of your strength.

If you’ve ever searched for: why didn’t I know he was abusive, how to forgive myself for staying, how to stop blaming myself after abuse, or why I ignored the red flags, this episode will bring you the relief and perspective you need.