#289 Queer South Asian Mental Health

We break down LGBTQIA+ language in plain terms, then connect it to the mental health realities queer South Asian people face in Canada. We talk about respect, heteronormativity, colonial roots of homophobia, family honour pressure, and why culturally relevant mental health services can be hard to find but deeply needed. 

• A journaling prompt for summer obligations and burnout 
• What 2S LGBTQIA+ letters mean in everyday language 
• Why names, pronouns, and identity are about basic respect 
• Heteronormativity and how it shapes stigma and scapegoating 
• Intersectionality and why queer South Asian experiences are unique 
• Family expectations, shame, disowning fears, and isolation risks 
• Racism in Western queer spaces and the feeling of not fitting anywhere 
• Gaps in culturally competent therapy and barriers to seeking support 

Tune in weekly to Wellbeing Wednesday with Gurjeet Gill on The Universal Radio Network, 97.9 FM in Edmonton, or globally at www.theuniversalradio.com

IG: @theuniversalradio

Transcript

Welcome And What We’re Tackling

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Universal Radio Networks podcast. My name is Gurjeet, and in today's episode, we're talking about mental health outcomes of queer South Asian people. We're gonna talk about the basics of queerness, what does all the acronyms of LGBTQ stand for, as well as the variations of 2S LGBTQIA Plus being the longest acronym I've seen yet to date, but of course it's ever changing. And we're gonna talk about the unique intersection that's created when someone is both queer and South Asian. Focused mostly on the mental health aspect of things. How do we live healthier and happier lives thanks to mental health knowledge? How do we accept the things that we cannot change and change the things that we cannot accept? It is a lot of fun here. We try and talk about some heavy topics as cool and informally as we possibly can while still being respectful of the topics that we cover. We also try to keep things as conversational as possible. We don't want to be hitting you with a whole lot of jargon. And if we are hitting you with jargon, we're trying to explain everything. So I'm not trying to throw, you know, anything at you that is like super out there, but I'd still like you to take the things away that stick with you and leave behind what doesn't. All things that go in your tool belt, if you will.

Journaling Prompt For Busy Summers

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Now, one thing we always start off our episodes with is we talk about a journaling prompt kind of idea. Just an idea to rattle around your noggin for a little bit, something that can stick with you, something that encourages a little bit of self-reflection, encourages a little bit of self-awareness, self-analysis, whatever have you. And given that it's already like mid-May, summer is coming up, and with summer, it means a lot of wedding seasons, it means oftentimes a lot of events, means a lot of things. You want to go to the mountains, you want to go on your Italy vacation. There's a lot that goes on in the summers, and I feel like the older we get, just the busier and busier these summers can get. So, with that, I want to challenge you guys and think about is what you're doing serving you, or are you doing it out of obligation or pattern? Is there something that's been tiring you out recently? Is there something that you've just been doing and it's on autopilot now and you haven't really thought about whether or not it's still what you want to be doing? Take a minute and think. Is what you're doing serving you something to think about? And it could be super vague, it could be your job, it could be your afterwork activities, it could be anything. Think about it.

Pride Month And South Asian Intersection

SPEAKER_00 3:44

So, us being a well-being show and it also being May, it's time to prepare for Pride Month a little bit. So one thing that we want to talk about is the intersectionality of being South Asian and also being gay, because it can be quite difficult. So we're gonna talk about some of the barriers that people face, we're gonna talk about how it can affect mental health, and we're gonna provide some general context to everybody out there because it's not a conversation that maybe a lot of people are comfortable having. But truth is, when you're equipped with the knowledge, then if someone around you comes out or shares that they're in a queer presenting relationship, at least then you have some background information and you kind of know what you're getting into. It also is to combat any negative stereotyping that may exist because all communities, especially with British colonialism, thank you very much, there is a layer of homophobia, even internalized, subconscious or conscious, you may feel that, oh, I'm okay with gay people, I'm pretty progressive. But what if you were to find out that your cousin is gay, or if you were to have a child who comes out to you as gay? How would you feel then? So it's something to think about. And I just want to equip you this with some basic knowledge. So if you're someone who is an ally or who is a part of the community, this might come across as super basic information. And for that, I apologize. We will get into the nitty-gritty down the road eventually. But I just wanted to start off with something where we can share and all be on the same page.

LGBTQIA+ Acronyms Made Understandable

SPEAKER_00 5:16

So if you've seen the acronym for the alphabet mafia, it can start off with LGBTQ or LGBTQ plus or 2S LGBTQ or LGBTQIA plus, and there's a lot of letters that get thrown around. So I want to start with explaining what some of those letters mean. First is 2S at the very start. That stands for 2 spirit, and it is an indigenous term used by people across North America to describe a sexual, gender, and spiritual identity. Commonly refers to people who embody both a masculine and feminine spirit. Next up, we have the L, which stands for lesbian, which traditionally refers to a woman who has an emotional, physical, or romantic attraction to other women. The G stands for gay, which is for people who have physical, romantic, or emotional attractions to people of the same sex. So this can refer to men or women, but some people prefer to be referred to as lesbians over people in a gay couple. But that is down to personal preference. And more commonly, it is gendered with lesbian for women and gay for men. Next up, we have the B, which stands for bisexual, which is a person who can have a physical, romantic, or emotional attraction to those of the same gender or more than one gender. And it's really important to note that bi people don't have to be in a non-heterosexual seeming couple in order to have bi-identity. You can be a male bisexual person in a relationship with a woman who is straight, and that male in a relationship can still have a bisexual identity. The T stands for transgender, which is someone whose gender identity or gender expression differs from the sex they were at birth. So this is something I'm gonna talk a little bit more in detail because some people get mixed up when we talk about a trans man versus a trans woman, and it can get a little bit confusing.

Trans Identity Basics And Why Respect Matters

SPEAKER_00 7:18

So when we're talking about trans people, there's a couple things to consider. One is that ultimately respecting the gender identity or expression of a person trumps anything. Like, really, truly, it does trump anything. Because if I want to treat the person with me in front of respect and they tell me their name, I'm not gonna mispronounce their name. So I'm just gonna call you Sonny. Like, imagine if we just did that. That would be crazy. If I see someone in front of me and they tell me their name, I'm gonna call them by their name. If I see someone in front of me and they tell me that they're actually a woman or a man, I'm gonna respect their wishes and I'm gonna refer to them as what they tell me they are. Because who am I to tell them who they are? That's just not my place. My place is to respect the person in front of me. So a lot of people within the trans umbrella um may either be trans man or trans woman. So if someone identifies as a trans woman, it means that they were born or assigned male at birth, but their gender expression fits more within a woman's. So they're a trans woman. Trans man is someone who is assigned female at birth and prefers to have their gender expression as a man. So they'd be a trans man. And of course, there is some complications within there about anybody who's born intersex, i.e., someone who has medical indicators that assign them as not XY or XX chromosome. And so it's up to them to tell me how they would want to be perceived. There's also non-binary, which can get confused in here too, and that refers to someone who gender is not male or female, and it sits somewhere outside of the binary of male or female. So that is the T in LGBTQ. And the last is Q. So the Q is really interesting because it can stand for questioning, which is someone who might be questioning their sexual orientation or gender idea, identity, or have different ideas about how they want to express themselves and who they're attracted to. And it's fair. Nobody says it has to be stagnant or certain at all times. The other cue that it can stand for is queer, which was honestly an old school slur. And it's taken a lot of work for the queer community to reclaim that word as an umbrella term for people who are non-binary, gender fluid, or gender non-conforming. And it's really cool how the word has been reclaimed to be this cagile term to unify the community rather than be a word used by people not in the community to hurt them. And it is not a universally accepted term within the LGBTQ community, but for the most part, I have yet to meet many people who have an issue with it. And again, if anyone were to meet me and say that that word is harmful and that they have an issue with it, then I wouldn't use it to refer to them. Because again, it goes back to that basic respect thing. So that's the basics of 2S LGBTQ. There is also an I and an A. So I stands for intersex, which we talked a little bit about, and the A stands for asexual. So this can refer to someone who um is either like not having super sexual feelings, or they have no sexual desires, or they can be aromantic, meaning they have no romantic desires, and it's a different type of categorization for sexual attraction, and it can be shortened down to ace as like a common nickname. So when we look at the term choice LGBTQIA plus, the plus at the end is to kind of signify that there may be gender identities or sexual orientations that we haven't fully processed or can describe yet. And that might seem a little bit silly, but very commonly people agree that sexuality and gender is a spectrum. So it's not hard and fast definitions. And right now, all these terms that we've described, like inner sex, well, intersex is a little bit more clear, but like asexual, bisexual, lesbian, these are all categories we've created up. And realistically, people can fit anywhere on a spectrum when it comes to gender and sexuality, it's really about wanting to do the work and also not living in a world that pushes you into a certain category or a binary, like male or female. And ultimately, it comes down to respect. Like I can't say that enough. If someone wants to be referred to as a specific pronoun or a specific name, or they tell me that I'm really sorry, but I'm not interested in dating women, I'm attracted to such and such group of people, it's just a matter of respect. If the person in front of me is someone I'm having a conversation with, I'm going to respect their wishes and their identifiers. Just like I mentioned earlier. If someone at work were to say, oh, hi, nice to meet you. My name's Mary. I'm not gonna say, well, you kind of look more like a Susan, so I think I'm gonna call you Susan. That would be unbelievably rude and disrespectful and inappropriate. So we can do our best to make sure that we're being appropriate and respectful.

Heteronormativity And Cultural Unlearning

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Now, the LGBTQIA plus community has faced a lot of difficulties in the past and they're constantly driving for more quality when it comes to gender identity and gender expression in our very heteronormative world. And I did promise no jargon, so I am gonna let you know what heteronormative means. So, my understanding of heteronormative is it's always like this pushing towards an old school idea, well, not even old school, but this idea of like compulsive heterosexuality, that if you meet a man, he is gonna marry a woman, that if you meet a woman, she is gonna be attracted to men, and that's it. And it's kind of the nail on the ball. So I was pretty happy with that because I've never actually looked up the formal definition until I do research for this topic. But heteronormativity is this assumption that heterosexuality is the default, the norm, and that's it for sexual orientation. And it kind of sticks you in with this biological sex, gender identity, and gender role, and it's very restrictive and it's really just not true to the human experience, but it is baked into our culture. So if you find yourself having thoughts about gay people that aren't necessarily the most accepting, there is some grace to give yourself of like we were born in a world where we have to do a lot of unlearning in order to respect each other. The world is constantly pushing us to be against others, and especially with dates in the media. Queer people are kind of scapegoated, especially the trans community. They're scapegoated. Nobody cared about women's sports until we made it a homophobia issue. Literally, no one cared about women's sports. And that might be a little bit rude to say, because obviously people did care about women's sports. I'm a woman who plays a lot of sports. I cared about women's sports, but it never became a mainstream issue until people started being upset about whether trans women could participate in women's sports or not. And it's a whole deal, man. I don't even want to get into it, but let me tell you, trans women are women and they deserve to have a place to play sports.

Research On Queer South Asian Mental Health

SPEAKER_00 15:11

A lot of my research for this topic comes from personal experience, from the experience of my friends, and from this really cool paper I found by Ashbreed Anasia. I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly. Aneha, Anasia. Uh, but anyway, Ashbreed kind of slayed, alright? Because this got published uh for this organization called the Sociological Imagination out of the University of Western Ontario. And the paper is titled How the Intersectional Experiences of LGBTQ South Asians affect mental health outcomes in the queer South Asian population. So this checks a lot of boxes for me because one, it's research about South Asians done by someone with a South Asian name. It's done within the Canadian context. It is a Canadian paper, and it looks at not just a queer community and not just a South Asian community, but both. And like I mentioned earlier, we've seen historically with mental health outcomes, uh, poor mental health, with mental illness diagnoses, rates of under-reporting, we see that both the queer community and the South Asian community are underserved, but have demonstrated higher need because of the unique challenges these communities face. So when you look at the intersection, and that word is really referring to exactly that, because the human experience is full of intersections of our culture, our religion, our gender identity, our sexual orientation, our race, even the intersection of being an immigrant or non-immigrant, being born to a country and feeling entitled to its services and its qualities versus coming to a country new and feeling like you have to prove yourself all the time. We are made up of a complex net of terms and labels and identities, and we can isolate them and rip them apart and look at the immigrant experience and look at the sick experience and then look at the Bangladeshi experience. We can look at the cis experience, but we're never just one of these things, never just one of these things. We're a result of everything before us. It reminds me of the Kamala Harris quote. Uh what did she say? Something about like falling out of a coconut tree, and she's like, I'm the result of everything before me. Oh, what's the quote? Oh, it was so funny. Hold up one second. I'm gonna I'm gonna find it. Here it is. You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? And she's talking about how, like, what you think I just got here, and she's really referring to the fact that she is result of everything before her, and out of context. At least that was my interpretation of the quote. I still think it's hilarious. You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? No, no, I've been here. Anyway, this paper was super cool in analyzing the different experiences, but also talking about some of the I don't what do I want to call them? Like the factors that contribute to mental health outcomes, like the familial expectations, the social stigma, and being excluded, not just from one community, but both, being excluded from both the South Asian community culturally, religiously, and then the western queer communities that have a pension for being very white. They can be racially exclusive, and all those exact exacerbate any existing mental health struggles, making it a lot worse. So I got appropriately clowned on my pronunciation of Anasia's last name. So that is a correct pronunciation. You know what? Verdict is still up about how Eshbreed is pronounced. It's spelt E-S-H-P-R-E-E-T. Is it Ashbreed? Ishbreed Ishbreed? It could be any of those three, but none of that takes away for the mad respect I have for this person for creating this beautiful paper. It is so well written and it captures so many great ideas.

Family Honour Pressure And Disowning Fears

SPEAKER_00 19:32

For example, one of the main key findings that they found about South Asian culture is that one, no duh, South Asian culture really strongly emphasizes family relationships, where people are seen as representatives of family honor and social standing. So if you make a mistake and you embarrass your family in public, you embarrass yourself in public, it not only lands on you, it lands on your whole family unit. So if you mess up and you get caught for cheating on an exam in university and you get put on academic probation, that basically is not on just you, it is also on your family. And that kind of chain reaction is really, really difficult. Because what do you do when the so-called embarrassing thing that your parents are unhappy about that affects their reputation is your identity. What are you meant to do then? You're just a person, you're a kid, and now suddenly your identity is what's bringing up this pressure and shame. And it's really, really challenging. And research has shown that though family dynamics do not directly affect poor mental health outcomes in queer South Asians, they do have a strong correlation, so that the family dynamics socially produce circumstances that create isolation in queer South Asian people. So it's not a direct influence, but it's definitely not helping. The expectations that are upheld by South Asian families are steeped in colonial foundations. Shout out to the British for introducing heteronormativity and introducing homophobia to us. And now it's become an idea of conserving our culture against Western culture because it's seen as the Western thing to do to talk about sexuality or embrace minority sexualities. When really we've had it backwards the whole time. So that's something to think about is that kind of like protective factor against Western culture. The second major finding found in this paper was that queer South Asians are marginalized within multiple social contexts. So it's not just the fact that you're queer, but it's also the fact that you're South Asian. And when we talk about intersectionality, both those things, those identities, those labels combined create a unique experience for queer South Asian people that South Asian People who are cis who are heterosexual would not understand, just like people who are queer who are not South Asian or not people of color would understand. Within South Asian family frameworks, having children is super important, and family values is super important. And when we think of family values, we think of the heterosexual family unit of mom, dad, and kids and grandparents, and grandparents are also male and female. So, with this rigidity in family structure and understanding of family values, it can lead a lot of queer South Asian people to feel that if they practiced and embraced their queer identity, then they risk being disenfranchised and disowned by their family. And that can put a lot of people at risk. It is not uncommon or unheard of to see South Asian youth who find themselves homeless or on the streets or living with friends because they've been disowned by family, because they feel that they have no options or anywhere to go, because addressing their identity would be in violation of their family's values and what the family is willing to tolerate. And it can be a really difficult thing. And it's always really hard to hear about because it shows me that you know parents' love isn't unconditional, like we're promised. It is very much conditioned on who you are and what you do. And it's a really scary thing to think about. If you're anything like me, you're told that your parents are a constant in your life. My parents have been, and it's really scary to think that there's anything I could do or anything I could be that would cause my parents to not care for me or kick me out or disown me. And that's a really scary thought. So I it's hard to imagine what it must be like for queer South Asian youth who are battling these opposing values and these opposing identity labels almost. A lot of South Asian people tend to choose sticking with their families and suppressing their gender identity, gender expression, or their sexual orientation, because queer South Asian people fall victimization to some of the marginalization that can happen in queer communities.

Racism In Queer Spaces And Belonging

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Now, it is a little bit of a tougher topic to talk about, but there is racial discrimination in Western queer spaces. Just because you yourself are a minority identity within society's framework, it does not make you exempt from other forms of bigotry. And we see that all the time, specifically with racism. Just because you're a person of color doesn't mean that you're immune from being racist. It just means that you're victim to it as well, while also being a perpetrator if you have subconscious or conscious racist ideas. And so just because you're South Asian and queer, it doesn't mean that the queer community is gonna be forever accepting of your identity and be entirely supportive and understanding. It may require some work, and there may be people who just don't understand. And that's okay. The result is that queer South Asian people feel like they don't quite belong in either camp.

Culturally Relevant Therapy Gaps In Canada

SPEAKER_00 25:27

The third major finding in this paper talks about the lack of culturally relevant mental health services. So, like we discussed in the first point, family dynamics can be a barrier to accepting identity or sharing your identity, but family dynamics could also be a barrier to accessing mental health services. So, some studies show that queer South Asian people don't use mental health resources as much as their peers. And this could come from three different factors. You know, the taboo around mental health issues in the South Asian culture and community that is ever changing and growing and adapting with the influx of mental health advocacy and mental health awareness and the upwards trajectory of knowledge from the newer generations to the older generations. Uh, another one is the lack of cultural understanding of current mental health supports for queer and South Asians. So you could find a therapist who is culturally competent, but they might not have experience working with people of gender minorities or sexual minorities. And then you have people who may have competency working with people who are part of the queer community, but they may not necessarily have that cultural component when it comes to race, religion, and cultural background. So it's a very specific cultural niche because it is at a unique intersection. Another one is the fear of disclosing queer identity. So not wanting to seek help because it might accidentally out you, or if you're under 18, sometimes the service providers you go to have to legally disclose information to your parent, in which case you may not feel comfortable talking about your identity with someone who may be legally required to out you to your parents. So what this research kind of shows is that we need more culturally conscious support for queer South Asian people and understanding that the family role plays a huge, huge factor in our lives. And it's not always easy for people to up and leave their family situations because families, especially in the Canadian context where people immigrate from India to Canada or immigrate from Nepal to Canada, your family carries a lot of your cultural background and learning. And by being disenfranchised from your family, being separated, can also reduce your connectedness to your cultural community. So all things to think about. Current models of mental health support further kind of create this divide of identity, in the sense that queer models of mental health only really focus on white queer experiences. And because of this gap, you might find support one part of your identity, but not the other. But like we mentioned, it is about that unique intersection of identity that changes your experience. It's really important to think about the advancement of mental health services. It is a forever-growing field and is trying to catch up with the growing need of the population. So having more counselors adept at trauma-informed practices, having more counselors adept of working with people of different religious backgrounds, different cultural backgrounds, having more counselors who speak more than one language. All of this is ever growing and the field is becoming more and more adaptable and more and more. Sorry, one more time.

Holding Culture And Queerness Together

SPEAKER_00 30:14

Tagline, how do you navigate a world that only tells you to exist as a straight person? So we talked about that heteronormativity of you know, assuming that it's always gonna be man likes a woman, woman likes a man, and that there's no alternatives. That's it. And it's by this artist named Hania Bukhari, and she talks about how there was just this rising resentment in herself and in her household, with this dissonance between who she's expected to be and who she is. She talks about how expected gender behaviors were ingrained into her upbringing from as young as she can remember. And she also talks about the pride and passion she has for her culture, her roots, but also acknowledging that in that culture there's also patriarchy and misogyny. So, how do you kind of come to terms with this culture that you love and have respect for, but also hate? And at the end of her article, there's this really profound quote that sticks out to me, and they talk about how you can have turmeric stained hands and also wave a rainbow flag, and that one of those check boxes doesn't need to be sacrificed to hold space for another. And she talks about this beautiful idea, and I I honestly just love it. I think it's great to remember that you can be more than one thing, and there's no limits on it. The central thesis of Hania's paper or article talks about how they were forced to live a lie and be attracted to men based on the idea that that is the normal standpoint and that there are no alternatives. And she wasn't really aware that she could have both identities and that she could feel the way she did without being invalidated because she wasn't necessarily white and gay, but also uh, I believe she's Pakistani, being Bakistani and queer. So there's a way to exist that isn't just being one version of that thing, and something that we touched on earlier is this idea of wanting to maintain this homophobia and heteronormativity because it keeps us separate from Western values that have grown in their acceptance of queer people, and that I find is really interesting because it was very accepted in old school India prior to the British arrival and British colonialism for there to be gender-fluid people, people to exist in non-binary spaces outside of male and female. And even now we can see some like moments of like familiarity and emotional closeness with people of the same sex in India, but it's just labeled differently. And it was really this colonialism that brought across this heteronormativity and homophobia that persists in India and throughout the world, really truly, everywhere. And so this idea that you know South Asian people can't be queer is a very interesting concept. And myself being like a sick and jumpy person, I see it even crazier when you have a religion like Sikki that preaches equality and preaches protecting each other, and then you see homophobia in those spaces, or just casual homophobia among young people, people saying that's so gay, or like you know, I'm not gay as an insult, like implying that it's inherently immediately bad, in the same way someone would say you throw like a girl, implying it is bad and it is weak to be a girl and to be physically active.

Pronouns Mistakes And Practising Care

SPEAKER_00 34:17

There's power to our words, and by respecting the choices of others and the words that they prefer to be referred to as, whether it's a different name that you might assume, a different gender you might assume, or even the identity of their partner being different from what you would assume, it's still worth treating with respect. And it's okay to trip up about pronouns every now and then. It's okay to dead name someone. It's okay to make mistakes as long as your intent is to respect that person in the end. Corrections are allowed, mistakes can happen. It doesn't mean that you can willfully ignore that gay people exist within the South Asian community or that there is a need for them to be respected in the same way we would respect any other person we come across. So that is my little Pride Month preamble.

Pride Plans And Where To Follow

SPEAKER_00 35:10

I hope that you can get out and enjoy some events. If you've never been to one before, go alone. Ask a friend to go with you. They're really fun and lots goes on during Pride Month. So check out those events that are coming up. I'll highlight some more as we get closer to the month of Pride, but also make sure to come check out some of the fun turn events we've got planned. Follow us on Instagram at the Universal Radio because this summer is gonna be like nothing you've seen before. Trust me. Thank you for everyone who's tuned in. Stay up to date with our podcasts on our socials at the Universal Radio and stream us wherever you get your podcasts. And if you don't get your podcast from the other guy, go stream us there too. Why not? This is Grigit, and keep turning it up with us.