#294 How Bakra Parties Blend Diaspora Culture With Wedding Week Fun

We unpack the rise of Bakra parties and why this newer pre-wedding event is showing up across Punjabi weddings in Canada and other diaspora communities. We explore how food, sports, social media, and changing gender norms turn one night into a cultural signal about what modern tradition can look like. 

• What a Bakra party is and when it happens in the wedding week 
• Possible origins including goat references, blue-collar yard culture, and men’s hangout rituals 
• How ladies-only sangeets shift toward family and co-ed events 
• Modern Bakra party formats including themes, jersey nights, games, and groom roasts 
• The wedding industry influence through packages, vendors, and curated aesthetics 
• Diaspora identity in Canada across BC, Alberta, and Ontario shaping new traditions 
• Social media, FOMO, and why “Instagram worthy” matters to millennials and Gen Z 
• Concerns about rowdiness, roasting boundaries, tradition dilution, and copying Western bachelor culture 
• Why intention and respect make the difference when adding new events 

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Transcript

Welcome To Bakra Parties

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hi, welcome to the Universal Radio Network Podcast. I'm Ravia and today I get to talk to you about buckra parties. This is a pre-wedding event that happens at South Asian weddings, and it is a newer event, so let's hop into what it means, where it comes from, and what it means for converging cultures.

Possible Roots And Yard Culture

SPEAKER_00 0:34

What is a bakrah party? Let's let's take it back. Okay, so one of the things that I actually initially thought of when I was looking this up, I was like, does this have like Bakistani Islamic roots? Because I know there's like a bakra Eid. Like there's an Eid where you do gurbani to a bakri, like a like a goat, you um sacrifice a goat, you consume, and you um, you know, celebrate your Eid. And that was I was like, maybe it's connected to that. It it still could be. No, you know, nothing, of course, like I was saying, there's no like, you know, historiographal evidence of this, but this is all things that I'm thinking of like, where did this come from? Also, just like blue-collar culture in Punjabi communities, because a lot of us come from blue-collar families, also me, shout out. My dad was a truck driver for 25 years. This was one of those things that men could get together and hang out at the yard and still have food. How many people do you know that like have like an uncle or someone else that are like, oh no, he makes the best bakra meat, man? He's the only one. And they'll all go to his garage and spend five hours sitting around the spatila making bakra meat. Like it is, it's a ritual. It is like, you know, it's it's like, you know, become a part of this tradition of celebrating a wedding as well, because the girlies would get together and have their lady singe. Do you remember when singeets were called lady singeets and not just a singeet? Like back in the day, for those of you who are younger, maybe you don't remember this. Back in the day, lady singeets, first of all, they weren't even called singeets, they were called ladies' singeets, only for the ladies. And the ladies would be like, I remember going with just my mom, and I remember when the transition happened where they'd be like, please invite your whole family. My dad was like, What do you mean? I I don't belong here, I don't want to go. And then, you know, turned into what it is where the whole family gets to celebrate the Sangeet. But before it was like a women's only space where all the women would get together, dance, sing, do their sitania, bodnia, traditional Punjabi, you know, wedding songs. And before that, um, you know, maybe men were like, Oh, I guess we'll just make bakra that day. And that's what turned into the bakra

From Ladies Sangeet To Co-Ed

SPEAKER_00 2:42

party. But it also is now turned into something that is co-ed. It is a modern twist. So, like, people will have it as a party to, you know, consume Beverginos. It'll be like a twist on the traditional bachelor and bachelorette party, but also they will have a separate bachelor-bachelorette party too in a different city. And this usually happens a couple days before the wedding, a part of the wedding week, or even the weekend before, or one to two weeks before. And what happens at these events is often a mix of games. Honestly, it's the literally like alcohol-related games, comedy, celebrating the groom. Some fun stuff you see is like you see a roast of the groom, or you know, it's the groom-centered kind of idea. Um, and it's very social media friendly, and you can play a lot of goat songs, goat-related songs, and you know there's a lot of those. I think it's like interesting because I they're not traditional, and I always wonder where this trend starts. As like, you know, and I think I've only seen it in the past five to seven years, primarily in diaspora communities: Canada, the UK, the US, Australia. I have not seen it in India. If you do see something in India that has a baker party, I'd be interested. I feel like if I did a baker party in India, someone would like bully me for it, but well, maybe not. People love partying, so we'll see. And I feel like it has a little bit of that influence from Western bachelor, bachelorette culture, and like with a South Asian flair. I didn't, I don't think it's tr rooted in anything traditional. There's no rule that says you have to get a baker party, like you have to make goat meat before your wedding. But it is honestly probably a really nice way to get together and you know have a meal together. But there is a lot of drinking involved. So much so that there are these companies that do the wedding industry in the wedding industry, they offer bakra party packages, including a bar, including bakra themed things. There is a lot that goes into the bakra party experience. And if you've ever been to one, there's also often called a jersey party. So usually if there's like rivaling teams on um either side of the like either side of the family or friends, there'll be a little bit of a tussle, maybe not a tussle, let's say that that's not what we want, but there'll be like a little bit of friendly competition. Like let's say there's a flame, like someone imagine someone wearing a flames jersey to your buck at a party. Like that would start a conversation. That would be something to talk about for sure. And that is one of the things that I think about is like how does the music and like sorry, how does the sports part like play into this? It's like we're not doing anything very athletic. We are, you know, standing around and I like, you know, having uh being inebriated, wearing our favorite jerseys. And I feel like it's such a masculine event because it like covers all of the boxes of like what men need to hang out with each other, including um talking about sports, having alcohol, and you know, talking about the events of the day, maybe the next wedding, and maybe talking about girls. This is me being so like so cancelable because I'm making so many overgeneralizations. But this is what I feel like I've seen happen at these parties, and honestly, they're probably a lot of fun. Um, and I feel like I feel like there is that little bit of like family-friendly, like everyone wants it to be family friendly, but it ends up being like, oh, this is for the kids.

Themes Jerseys Vendors And Drinking

SPEAKER_00 6:13

So, what actually happens at the burger party? Like, what is the experience of going to one? So, like I just talked about, some people will have a theme. So, I've seen some Western themes where it's like, you know, you wear your cowboy hat, your um boots, your cowboy boots, and you know, maybe you're you have one of those like lasso things, and there's some games around where you can like lasso a goat. And yes, probably a real goat because there is actually farms that now will rent out their little baby goats for you to listen to when they are like, you know, they're like, okay, it's time for your bukra party. They'll be like, okay, you can take this, they take this goat and have it walk around as like an activation for your bukra party. And then you can eat your goat meat while you're watching this goat walk around, which is, you know, a party. It is fun. But like, I feel like I feel like when I say these things out loud, they sound like I'm like, what is going on? What is this party? But there are also like fun games. So there's like roasts that happen, like, okay, you're roasting the bukra, you roast the groom. And there are games like they do couple trivia, truth or dare. It's almost like a groom shower. Not a bridal shower, but a groom shower. And maybe there'll be families like people doing skits, people doing lip syncing, people, you know, having a photo booth with props is really common with some really fun, like plays-on words. I've seen the ones that are like uh put the chetane balancing bakery, and then it's like a baker, like, you know, there's that little play on word that happens. There's obviously lots of food, lots of drinks, teas, cocktails, juice, depending on the crowd. And it is celebratory, but like a little bit more laid back. And it is interesting. So there is some bakra parties have a final roast before married life. And it's like kind of like a time for him to sit. And sometimes the friends will get together and do a roast of the groom. And if you've never seen a roast of the groom, it is one of the best things. Like I feel like I've seen a roast of my my dear dude, who it was Sami, who had a roast, and it was amazing to see what fun things that people can come about. Because I think there can be a little bit of love and laughter when you are roasting your someone you love, because it comes from a place of like, hey, I know you as a person, and here's all the funny things you do, and why I think roasting can sometimes be lighthearted. And I feel like that's one of those things that is culturally related, but also like humor-related. Like it's like funny to like make fun of people, but you know, within your limits. And I think culturally it is a little bit easier to do that. And sometimes the bride is involved as well. Sometimes the bridesmaids and the groomsmen will get together, they will co-host it, some will attend, sometimes they will organize it for the groom. So I always find that fascinating when there is like women organizing these events. Like, what is that about? This is an event for you, but also there is like a lot of that emotional labor that is often put on women. Like, I know a lot of sisters that haven't like planned the entire wedding for their brother, um, and brides that have been planned the entire wedding for the groom. What is that about? So we'll talk a little bit about the Canada Punjabi community and how we have a large, you know, concentrated population in BC, Alberta, and Ontario. And Gen Z and millennials are growing up with blended cultures, and we get to see the best of both worlds. So we get to we get to try to live with, you know, our best of both worlds, like world, but also in being in two worlds also means that like we are creating our own story, and that is one story. It doesn't mean that it's always in two places, it is where we are now. And I think what's interesting is that I wonder what the role of social media is in Bakara Party creation. Because you're like, oh, this sounds fun. You go to a wedding, you see it, you post C posts about it, you're like, oh, you know what? Maybe I'll do this too for my event, for my wedding. This is something that I think is super like fun. And I think it also fills a gap between the traditional and western wedding culture. Millennials and Gen Z like don't necessarily want gender

Games Goats Roasts And Vibes

SPEAKER_00 10:33

set like segregated celebrations. And it's fun, it's Instagram worthy, worthy, and like that is important, and it feels authentic but modern and ventor vendors like jump on it. And so, like wedding planners, designers, venues, they love it because they get to, you know, give you an they get one more day out of you, which is honestly good for them. They get that bag. And what's really fun is the industry. So they will do things like you know, boker party invitations, they're a little bit tongue-in-cheek because they're a little bit fun, and they do like different venue bookings. Usually it's like getting a tent in your backyard, they do restaurants, they do banquet halls. Very rarely have I seen that. It's usually a backyard event at home, you know, getting ready. It's like the day you put the tents up. I feel like, you know, at South Asian weddings, the most exciting day is always the day the tents go up. It's like the symbol of like it's happening and everyone is so excited. And it's like when you get that first event of just like warming up, seeing what it's like, seeing what the backyard vibes are, it is really nice. And I really do appreciate those at-home events where you get to have those one-on-one conversations with people. And so my partner is actually this just reminds me of something is my partner is actually not Punjabi, but when he comes to South Asian weddings, he's like, I get it, because you get to talk to so many people and connect with so many people. Whereas at like other Western weddings we've been to, we like see someone, we're like, Oh, I'll talk to them tomorrow. Oh, there isn't any tomorrow, and that sucks. Like the week-walk celebration is so worth it and so fun for that. And the baker party adds to that. And I think there are some like, you know, regional differences when we go through like what a baker party looks like in Texas or in Alberta or in Ontario. But I find that so like I find that as a as a part of like a new tradition that's like coming to be and like, you know, formulating, formulating, people are figuring out what it looks like. Some are, you know, falling into like, hey, this is a great idea, let's keep doing it. But some families are very skeptical. They're like, Santej Passelonia, you're gonna spend more money on this, more money on what? But it's still fun, and I think it's always good when people get to enjoy and have a good time. I feel like I you've probably seen it online, and I'm gonna be honest, I've had a lot of fun at bhakra parties, I've had a lot of fun at pre-wedding events. It's always been a good time. Sometimes they're like paired with, like Sprita just telling me there's a party she went to that was paired with a Blue Jays game. Like, if a wedding falls around the time of a big sporting event, it ends up becoming like you do the wedding and the sporting event is also being viewed. And it becomes fun because everyone is there to enjoy and celebrate a person, but also then support this team. And it's so fun. And you know, that that fun factor is a big reason why people have burqa parties, right? Like you just want to have more fun. This is like a big week in your life, you're spending a lot of money, and you probably already have the tents up that day. You might as well just use them, right? I feel like that is that is like probably the thought process of someone who is having a burqa party. Would you have a bukra party? Have you had one? Would you do it again? I'm curious. Send me a message at DJ Raravia on Instagram. And I always think about how social media plays a role. You know, like I talked about, people have like hashtags, people have photo walls. There's like videos of roasts,

Diaspora Identity And Social Media

SPEAKER_00 13:54

funny moments, you know, just like, you know, I'll call it clara, but like, you know, it's like fun people are having. And I feel like FOMO is also real. When everyone else is doing something, don't you want to do it? You're like, oh, maybe I should do that too. And I feel like, you know, as I said, this whole South Asian wedding series is entirely selfish, as I am now planning my wedding. It is something that I am thinking about. Whereas, like, do I really want to do certain things? Do I really not want to do certain things? But then it's like, this is the time to do it. If I regret it later, it's who can I blame? Only myself? And the FOMO is really, you're like, well, might as well. Well, the tents are up, might as well do it. Like, what is your thought process about that? About that. And like the Bakra party photos are like curated, they're polished. And I what I question is like, has it become a must-do event? Do you think, like, are we at that place where it's a must-do event? Do you think it ever will be a must-do event? Like, let's say in 40 years, people will be like, no, we have to have a bakra party because my grandfather had a bakra party and his dad had a bakra party. Like, what do you think that's gonna be like? They'll be like, this is traditional for some, you know, for some reason. And I think it's like, you know, I am, I understand like why, you know, like why it comes to be, but there's budget implications. There's like some older generations and women who are probably like, I don't like older women anyways, that may might not feel comfortable like going to this event. But there are different events for different people and for a reason. Like there, I don't know, there's the part of being at a South Asian wedding is having that intergenerational connection. You know, kids are there, grandparents are there. This event is for the boys, and there is, you know, a space for that. And as someone who used to work and loves like looking at men's mental health and addiction, actually, I think it's quite interesting to have a space where men get to be themselves and hang out. And even though there is roasting and other things happening like that, it is still a space for camaraderie. And if there's a sporting event on, you can go and enjoy watching your sporting event together, um, cheering for the Blue Jays or the Oilers. That can be a part of that like connection building, connecting with, you know, your cousin's cousin from the other side or their friends from Australia, and you have that extra day to really get to know people, which is special, and that time is invaluable. Here's to spending more time with our families this wedding season to talk about when it comes to buckra parties. And as you've probably heard me say, there's like a mixed, mixed bag of opinions on this, right? Like some people are super pro buckrow party and want to have this fun event. And trust me, I, you know, we'll be talking about other events too. So this is the South Asian wedding series. So you're like, she's still talking about buckra parties. Yes, I am. Okay, we're gonna finish them and we'll move on and we'll be good to go from there, okay? But let's talk about the nuances of these bakra

Pros Cons And Hard Questions

SPEAKER_00 16:47

parties. What goes on in them? What is happening? What are people really thinking about them? So let's say, like, there's a really, you know, really fun side of this, of this talking, you know, this talk the talking points that the fun side has is pro buckra party. It's a fun, fun way to celebrate your men, you know, masculine relationships and your friendships before marriage. It brings people together in a way that traditional events sometimes don't. It's a little bit more low-key, it's relaxed, you can have more of that conversation. Um, and people often make the like, you know, the statement that hey, it's our culture and we're evolving in a healthy way. This is something that we want to do. It's something that is ours. It's not uh some, it's not like a tradition that my parents did. It is not something that like I'm doing just because the West does it. It feels like it's part of my generation. It's and I feel like that's healthy. And I support that. And a lot of young Punjabis don't get to define what their wedding looks like, especially if you're in a South Asian family that is really, you know, invested in your wedding. I've talked about like the sociological, like parental expectations that parents have had a few weeks ago and how like the wedding is for the parents and often planned by the parents. So it's really important to think about maybe this one day is the day that a young person gets to decide what happens. And it's important that's important. So that's all of the pro-Bakra party kind of vibes, right? And here are some of the concerns. So these are concerns that people have about baker parties. Like, okay, like bakra parties, this is an interesting thing that I saw. I didn't actually know this, I thought it was just a way to get people together. But some people have said that bakra parties are about the karmani of the guy. So the guy is going to get married and he will be then in the helpless position like the bakra or the goat, who will be quote unquote slaughtered when he is like, you know, he's being sacrificed like a goat during his wedding, because wedding being married is one of the worst things that could happen to a person. And while this is a little bit given misogynistic, I think that's maybe like a reading into the situation. Maybe it isn't, maybe it is. Maybe some people draw these considerations, but it is something that is, I think, should be considered when we talk about these things. And another kind of concern about bucket parties is that this isn't really how like my parents or grandparents celebrated. Is it diluting traditions? It can get too rowdy. That's a fair concern. Sometimes you want to like lessen the touch points people have so that certain people have so that like it doesn't get too rowdy and rambunctious. And you know, that could be of a very fair concern, as you know, there are tensions that sometimes rise during weddings. Um, and also it we want to talk about how like the roasting culture, like, yes, you're roasting the bakara and the groom is one of the things that you know happens, but not everyone is into that. It could be really bad and it could be really hard. And if you want to learn on how to, you know, deal with that, I think listening to Gurjit's Boundaries episode is great. So listen to that. I love that episode, I listen to it often. And I think it's interesting because a lot of people also ask the question like, why do we need to copy Western traditions, like Western bachelor parties? Why don't we just do these things? I think it's always good to think about how tradition isn't static, it evolves, and it can coexist with traditional events too. And the key is to have intention and respect in your events. You know what? What I've learned, what we've learned together from all of this is that Bakra parties are this phenomenon born from diaspora creativity. And you know, I love talking about diaspora, and I love having these conversations with you about like what are what is the state of our our community? And like, and I say our community as in the South Asian community, and as you know, because I'm Punjabi, I'm quite selfish. I talk about myself a lot. And even though these like parties are not traditional, they are, you know, like I don't know, when was the first Lady Sinkit? When was the first Mendy party formalized? When when did these events all become formal tradition? They all started at some point. And I think it is special that there is now like young Punjabis, young people in the community that are reclaiming and redefining their own celebrations. Having that like little bit of yourself control over your wedding is fun. And even though it's not like, you know, a tradition that is old, it could still be something like the Mendy. Like I feel like they're like back in the day, from what I've

Choose Your Wedding Story

SPEAKER_00 21:20

heard from my parents, is that back in the day, Mendy's Mendhi parties weren't really a thing. It was more so a close family that might get their Mendy done before the wedding, they might not. But that became more of like a formalized event in the past 10, 20 years. And maybe that's what buckrah parties will be in the next 20, 10, 20 years. And I think it probably will become more normalized. That's my prediction. I'm also gonna predict there'll probably be like two more events added on, two weddings in my lifetime that I don't even want to predict. Who would have seen a buckra party coming? Maybe the next one will be like, we're gonna have a party to put flowers on the car. Like it's gonna be called a flower car party. You know, like I'm excited to see the creativity and innovation our community can bring to these wedding industries. Because I know, wedding vendors, you're gonna love this. There's always more that can be done. And if you're planning a wedding, good luck to you. Do what feels right to you. If you're not wanting to do a bakra party, that's okay too. There's no one way to do a Punjabi wedding anymore. And you can write your own wedding story yourself. Obviously, if your mom lets you. All right, that is it from the bakra party that we had this evening. When is the last time you had a bakra? I feel like you know what's also interesting is that bakra is usually something you eat in the winter because it's a garden food, but we have it in the summer. And thank you so much for tuning in. Keep turning it up with us.